Archive of Our Own

There is no science to love. 

Heeseung  has a rule of not helping others before securing himself. You can't help someone cross a bridge before you get to the other side. Similar to the logic of plane crash etiquette, you can only help others put oxygen masks on once you've put your own, even if it is someone you deeply care about. So, if he has exams coming up which he hasn't studied for he can't help others study even if they beg or if they are friends. 

"Hyung, can you please help me?” Well Kim Sunoo might as well be the exception to that rule.  "Pleaseee I am going to fail without you please it's so hard” if only the younger wasn't so adorable pouting, it's like he is purposefully making Heeseung  flustered. Pink lips (he must have put on lip tint Heeseung  thinks) and adorable cheeks all round and pretty, puppy innocent eyes and long fluttering lashes. 

Sunoo was so pretty already, cute black hair, doe black shiny eyes. Round cheeks, squishy making Heeseung  always want to poke them. Sunoo was pale but always somewhat pink-ish, like the universe had a point in reminding Heeseung  how pink Sunoo was. He didn't really laugh, he giggled, he walked in a funny way and Heeseung  thought it was endearing. He knew the younger one hated being smaller than all his friends but Heeseung  found it disturbingly adorable. It compelled him to try and protect the younger boy. His smile was blindingly dashing and his eyes always smiled too, in half crescent moons Heeseung  would daydream about. His voice was soft and pretty. He was the best person at acting cute like ever. He was never ashamed of anything, he didn't care what others thought of him and he was brave, outspoken and loud. So deeply himself, so free and reckless. But also so kind, always available to listen and comfort others, always trying to brighten people's day with a joke or a hug. Sunoo was someone he could always talk to even if they had nothing to talk about, he would try to make you comfortable in talks and would make sure to make you feel appreciated. He was beautiful inside-out, as cliche as that is, he simply was like that. And Heeseung  couldn't help but fall hard for him.

It was shocking to his friends at first that uptight class president Lee Heesung, total nerd but also kind of popular, had the biggest fattest gayest crush on pretty boy Kim Sunoo, adorable ball of sunshine obsessed with dramas and idols. They had nothing in common, if Sunoo likes going out, Heeseung  likes staying in. Sunoo is loud and talkative, bubbly and friendly to most, Heeseung  is quiet and almost never talks even with his close friends, he just enjoys being in silence, he is moody in the mornings and has a closed circle. Sunoo likes sweets and mint chocolate snacks, Heeseung  thinks it tastes like toothpaste. Heeseung  likes spicy food, Sunoo can't eat it.  

Heeseung  is a picture perfect student, perfect attendance, perfect grades, class president, long hours studying in the library, only asking relevant questions in class. Sunoo is always late due to his 12 step long morning skin care routine and daily makeup, he hates studying and daydreams during math class most of the time. He hates the comic books Heeseung  likes. He posts 4 pictures a week on instagram while Heeseung  has posted two pictures his entire life, one of them from when he was 14. He prefers light, Heeseung  likes darkness. He likes bubblegum and lollipops, Heeseung  has an obsession with dental protocols. 

But what people don't understand is that Kim Sunoo feels exciting and refreshing. Hanging out with him is fun, he always makes Heeseung  smile, he always makes Heeseung  feel all warm like there are no bad things in the world. He is funny and exciting. Heeseung  has always secretly loved cute things and when Kim Sunoo gets angry or happy, when he acts cute or when he isn't even trying, when he giggles or yells he looks cute regardless. Sunoo is always cute and lovely. Even when he makes a mistake when Heeseung  is tutoring him, it is cute. He is kind and understanding. Heeseung  loves listening to him talk, even if he doesn't particularly care about the topic, it is so nice to hear his voice. Plus it doesn't hurt that he is so beautiful.

"Yeah Sunoo-ah, of course hyung will help you.” He says, how could he say no to someone so cute, how could he say no when that someone took the time to come to his class and ask for his help so cutely and on their lunch break even, Kim Sunoo is using his lunch break time to see me. He is trying not to smile too much at the other who is gleaming like the sun. The only thing Heeseung  enjoys more than his pout, his smile. 

"Thank you so much Heeseung  hyung!!! You are the best!!!" The worst part is his heart absolutely malfunctions, with the look Sunoo is giving him right now, he really feels like he is the best. The younger high fives him before walking away in little jumps. 

Adorable

"Did you really just agree to tutor Kim Sunoo after denying me? One of your closet friends for over 6 years? Seriously?" Park Jay exclaims when Heeseung  comes back to his seat in the 3rd year classroom. They have sat in the back row together with Park Sunghoon ever since sixth grade. The three of them had always been inseparable, but if Heeseung  is being honest he would rather teach Sunoo than Jay any day. 

"I have to study too, you know." Heeseung  argues.

"But you can make an exception to Kim Sunoo and not me? " Jay is pretty ultraged by that, sure he knows it all about the insane crushing going on between the two but still it feels like betrayal on years of friendship.

"Yeah, that's exactly it" Heeseung  deadpens, now focusing on organizing his notes. 

"Why?" Jay inquires, still acting a bit scandalized, although most of it is a joke. More or less.

"He is cute" is the only answer Heeseung  can shamelessly offer. 

"What kind of fucking excuse is that?”

"Language. We are in school, Jongseong ." Although Jay is the least likely person in their year from being a prime exemplar student, especially due to his behavior, Heeseung  has become class president for being the opposite of his friend. 

"He is mad because he isn't cute and he knows that for a fact” Sunghoon butts into their conversation, laughing at Jay's reaction.

"Shut up Sunghoon" Jay says at the -barely-  younger boy, rolling his eyes before he turns to Heeseung  with an unamused expression. "You really are the biggest simp I have ever met in my life.”

"It's hoes before bros for life" Sunghoon ads, dramatically putting his hands over his chest as if his heart ached from that. 

"Stop it you two" Heeseung  says, hitting Sunghoon's hands out of his theatrical pose. And then a little more timidly "I am just helping him out, he really needs help with math" 

"Are you implying someone needs more help at school than Jay? I am afraid that's like impossible " Sunghoon counters, which honestly is a very valid point. 

"Shut the fuck up Sunghoon" Jay exclaims, hitting the boy once again.

"I can't be seen hanging out with punks like you two. It will ruin my reputation” Heeseung  says, standing up to eat lunch in peace, a recurring thing in their friend group. The three of them had an unusual friendship because they had always been so different. 

Jay had always been a bit of a maverick, a trouble maker since they were younger. He had lived in America for a while, he had much more liberal views. As a child Jay was an energy bomb running around and yelling instead of speaking. Meanwhile child Sunghoon was extremely shy, almost unable to speak up at all, he was calm and private, a bit cold even. Heeseung  was calm too but he wasn't shy like Sunghoon. He rather talked a lot, not as much as Jay, but still he was curious about everything, always reading and doing so well in school everyone was amazed by him. Still they came together just fine ever since elementary school, afterall Jay was actually really reasonable and chill if you knew him, Sunghoon was a total shameless brat when it was just the three of them, Heeseung  wasn't that uptight privately. 

They had grown up together, meeting for the first time when they were 12, they never separated since then. There were more memories, secrets and oaths between them than any difference that could have split them up.  The other two were the first people Heeseung  even came out to, they were so supportive Heeseung  almost cried. At this point they were practically married – in a weird type of bro way. They were also the avengers of school girl crushes: loud crazy bad boy Jay, mysterious handsome Park Sunghoon, and intelligent good guy Lee Heesung. They were not exactly like that though, they were just a bunch of teenage guys being stupid most of the time. 

"He started it!” 

"Shut up Jay”

"So Heesung, let's talk about what actually matters before lunch is over” Jay started putting his chopsticks away as he finished the kimchi fried rice his mom had sent him. 

''What is it?” Heeseung  asks, taking a bite on his apple.

"Will you ever make a move on Sunoo already? I mean despite being obvious?" 

"I am not obvious." Heeseung  says, before exasperation reaches his face and he looks over to Sunghoon to confirm "Am I?" 

"Of course not! It is obvious to us because we have known you for so long but that's all!" The other reassures him, shooting Jay a look,   Look at what you've done. He telepathically argues. Jay understands it just fine.

"Really?" Heeseung  asks, a bit insecure still. If there is one thing Heeseung  is scared of it is looking like a fool by doing something stupid like being unable to hide his feelings or to have Sunoo find out when he doesn't feel the same.

"Yeah. Of course. Right Jay?" Sunghoon says, kicking the other under the table. 

"Yeah, totally" Jay agrees at last which calms Heeseung  down. 

"Ah, that would be so embarrassing. I am really trying to think about it, you know?  To find like the best scientific logical way to… act on my feelings" 

"Bro there is no such thing as a scientific way to hit on someone. Not someone as pretty as him at least" is Jay response, not believing that the other could be so (honestly speaking) dumb. For someone so smart Heeseung  sure could be clueless about this kind of thing. When Sunghoon gives hima judging look that screams 'you are a shitty ass friend' and Heeseung  is probably overanalyzing him saying Sunoo is pretty he rolls his eyes and shrugs, "I am just saying!" 

"What would you know? Now come one we can't be late to class" Heeseung  retorts and the topic dies like that even though Jay still relentlessly complains about not being tutored. 

The first time, maybe even the second, Kim Sunoo askd Lee Heeseung  to tutor him. It was genuine with no pretense around it. He wasn't alone with him either; it was this whole masterplan to ask Lee Heesung, second year class president and top student, to tutor some of the not so bright first years. It was a group of 5 – and Nishimura Riki –  and they were practically on their knees begging Lee to do it. Eventually they did get on their knees and begged with their heads bent, asking in chorus. Heeseung  agreed given that he still had plenty of time for his exams. The second year was the type of person who studied everyday regardless of timing but he still studies extra before exams week.

Sunoo truthfully wasn't in the first batch of students asking for Heeseung  tutoring sessions but his friend – Nishimura Riki or just Niki–  was kind enough to include him in the now group of 6. Sunoo wasn't that bad in Korean or English like the rest but so far his grades in math had made him cry three times. The best grade he had so far was a very red and very disappointing 45. Niki was an exchange student from Japan so he had a lot of trouble with classes, Sunoo had guided him around on his first day and so he stuck around the other when he wasn't busy with the soccer club. Niki took pity on him after learning about his grades in math and invited him to join in although the other 4 boys weren't so excited about the idea. 

When the two joined the others in the classroom they decided to study in, they were a bit late, Niki already complaining Sunoo always made him late everywhere. Lee Heeseung  stared at them when they came in, as well as the other boys but Sunoo smiled at them and apologized for almost an entire minute nonstop. He was trying to be charming to avoid any problems, Niki knew this and he thought it wouldn't work but Heeseung  seemed truly surprised by his presence, a little out of words with the way the other was acting so he quickly forgave them and told them to sit around. 

Heeseung  was nothing like Sunoo was expecting. He wasn't that strict or cold, sure he kept his expression relaxed mostly, a resting face, he was polite and smart and practical like everyone said but he was always nice. He was patient and he explained things slowly but in a manner that did not sound like they were stupid, although Sunoo has a theory some of Niki's friends very much are. Heeseung  was friendly even, he was just so cool, explaining things like they were nothing in a non snobbish way, Sunoo had to admit it was really cool. Had to admit the other's voice was nice, he liked listening to it, he could run podcasts. He was also really handsome too, really really handsome, his face was just amazing to look at even if he wasn't wearing any makeup. Well he supposed the girls got that part right.

Things went well mostly, they revised half of the subjects they had decided to, Sunoo even helped Niki in literature, Heeseung  praised him on it and said he could choose the next topic, Sunoo chose math and Heeseung  had to spend extra time trying to explain trigonometry to the younger boy.

Their other sessions went on successfully, they were five in total, all in Professor Choi's Chemistry classroom after school hours, Wednesdays and Thursdays. It was a long three hours from chilly autumn afternoons to nights that made Sunoo shiver. He kinda wished he was home watching TV with his sister and eating convenience store snacks, but then again he was in a desperate situation. Studying wasn't that bad, the boys all rounded Heeseung  with questions and requirements and he patiently attended to them, there was no jokes or small talk but the atmosphere was comfortable. Even the Niki Friends Sunoo didn't like were all amicable and respectful. It wasn't nice but it wasn't as tiring as studying usually was which was almost nice. 

When the afternoon sun would break into the room in between books and formulas it made Heesung's hair look red and Sunoo wondered if he had dyed it. Sometimes he would catch Heeseung  staring at him and he would simply smile and say he was understanding things. And to a certain point he was. But some parts of trigonometry were a bit too hard. He could feel everyone growing tired of trying to explain the same problem over and over again and he just couldn't understand why the answer was 35 and not 187. So when on their third session Heeseung  finds him crying behind the vending machine on the same floor they study in he feels a little embarrassed. 

  "Sunoo-ssi? Are-Are you okay?” the older asks and Sunoo bets he is one of these people who isn't good with crying people which is bad since Sunoo himself is a fucking crybaby. 

"Ah yes sunbae-nim I am sorry. Everything is fine”

"Okay then” Heeseung  says at first politely bowing and turning around pretending he didn't see any tears.  He walks a total of two steps before he turns back, like he decides he should probably actually make sure Sunoo is okay. "Sunoo-ssi” he says as he comes back. 

"Yes?” Sunoo asks dumbly.

"Why are you crying?” he asks, a determined look on his face, like he won't accept any answer that isn't the truth. Sunoo makes a face.

"You are going to laugh at me” he whines

"I won't”

"Yes, yes you will" Sunoo says as he tries to fix his face.

"I promise I won't” Heeseung  looks like he is making an oath so that Sunoo can confide any crime or dark secret to him and Sunoo feels silly for being so dramatic, but it is also endearing Heeseung  would care so much.

"It's just… Trigonometry is so hard.” To his credit Heeseung  bites his cheeks and doesn't laugh. 

"Sorry Sunbae" Sunoo carries on, "I just feel so fucking stupid”

"Hey, it 's okay. You are not stupid at all okay? It's a good thing you told me I can help you with it okay?” Heeseung  offers and Sunoo is a bit glad but equally overwhelmed the other didn't say he was being dramatic.

"Ah sunbae you really don't need to. You are helping me so much already."

"It's fine Sunoo-ssi I want to help you, really. Can you stay later today? Or we could meet quickly on Tuesday. Or both, what do you think?"

"Both sound perfect Sunbae thank you thank you so much!"

"It 's nothing.” Heeseung  offered with a smile.  

After that things were easier, Sunoo didn't feel like he was making people late because of math, Heeseung  was even nicer when it was just the two of them and he told Sunoo he can just call him hyung. Their tutoring sessions ended and exams came and went by. 

After that they were some short of casual acquaintances in their own way, Sunoo made sure to always smile and greet him in the hallways, he bought the elders energy drinks as thank you gifts. Sometimes if they were in the same place together their eyes would meet and they would smile at each other shyly. Heeseung  was nice, Sunoo was nice to him and they were almost friends. That was it. 

Sunoo grades that bimester were not perfect, not a single 90, much less a 100, but he had a 71 at math and even an 85 in Korean so he was proud of himself. 71 in math, surely a miracle. A miracle named Lee Heesung. 

Months later when finals week came around and their grades were once again falling Sunoo said to Niki they should just get some tutoring again. He hadn't really kept his studies well, because there were simply better things to be done, like watching Hospital Playlist on tvN. But now there is a chance his winter break will be put in jeopardy if he doesn't pass exams, so he must act on a plan quickly and Niki is pretty much in the same situation. 

"C'mon Niki, our grades were only decent because of him! I am going to fail math if I keep this up, he has helped me so much! He is really nice too. I don't understand why you are so against asking!”

"Heeseung  isn't nice, he is polite." Niki states  "Plus it took 5 people to convince him last time. Now there are only the two of us and we are asking in a rush, he said he doesn't like to help if he hasn't studied yet or if he is having exams, second years will have exams with us this time.” The Japanese boy reasons.

  "Of course Heeseung  is nice, you are just cynical." Sunoo argues, after he helped him in math almost in secrecy Sunoo made a point to always defend Lee Heeseung  whenever someone made a slightly negative comment about the elder. "Plus it doesn't hurt to ask!”

"If he verbally humiliates us it might hurt though.” Niki retorts with an almost hurt expression.

"He wouldn't do that! Now c'mon let's talk to him before class starts!” Sunoo says, grabbing the other hand and dragging him across the school halls heading for the third year's classroom.

Sure enough they spot the elder leaving the room with his back pack in hand. Third years did not have afternoon classes on wednesdays unlike second years. 

"Heeseung  hyung!” Sunoo greets the other and Niki already knew that Sunoo was closer to Heeseung  than him , but the cutesy excited hyung surprises him a bit.

"Hi Sunoo-ah, Niki-ssi” the older one greets them and he doesn't look like someone annoying is bugging to teach them something when he is already busy like he did the first time, he seems happy to see them and Niki thinks that holy shit this might actually work. 

"We have an emergency Heeseung  hyung! I am sorry to disturb you but we are desperate! We really are in trouble this time!" Sunoo says and there is so much distress and drama in his voice Niki nearly rolls his eyes.

"What happened? Are you okay?" an expression of concern flashes through Heesung's face as he asks then. 

"Physically yes, but exams are coming up and we know nothing, Niki doesn't even know Korean!" Sunoo says, with that drama queen pose of his.

"Rude!" he notes but Sunoo very kindly elbows him to shut him up. "Yes please help us if you have the time sunbae-nim” he adds bowing a bit.

"Ah Sunoo-ah you scared me. I thought something actually bad happened to you.” Heeseung  is smiling at them like it is a joke, and maybe it is because he has become closer to Sunoo than when he found him hiding behind a vending machine.

"But hyung! I really am going to fail this time! I know you have exams too so I understand if you can't help  us I really do. I just thought I would ask because you are the best student in school!” Sunoo says, puppy dog eyes on. 

"Ah I am not that good" Niki could not believe his eyes, was the Lee Heeseung  blushing? 

"Of course you are hyung! Oh gosh I am sorry for bothering you Niki was right you might be so busy. I am so sorry hyung" There was genuine guilt in Sunoo's eyes, Niki wasn't sure whether to believe him or not, but it seemed like Heeseung  made his friend a little less shameless.

"Wait! O-of course I'll help you Sunoo-ah! I have time.” Heeseung  says, as if to stop Sunoo from leaving, 

"Are you sure? We don't want to disturb you hyung! It will be completely okay if you can't really” Sunoo double checks.

"There won't be a problem.” Heeseung  adds, more certainly.

"Ah good, then can you do tuesday?” Sunoo inquiries.

"Tuesdays I have debate club, is it okay if we do it Wednesday and Friday?”

"Yeah it's great! I'll give you my number so I can make a group chat! Thank you so much hyung you are the best!” Sunoo is beaming at the elder who gladly hands out his phone.

"It's nothing really Sunoo-ah” It was not nothing. Lee Heeseung  was the smartest student in school while still being capable of socializing and he taught others well too, but he did not want to teach just anyone. Last time Niki and the others had asked him two weeks in advance, they had all made a line and asked in sync bowing in almost a 90 degree angle, and he hesitated to conceive them any tutoring even then. It was so humiliating and he couldn't perceive Heeseung  as nice after that, even if his grades were drastically improved. But all Sunoo did was say please and pout a little and Heeseung  was willing to tutor them on whatever they needed. Maybe Heeseung  really was nice, or maybe Heeseung  was really nice to Sunoo. 

Heeseung  did save them from failing at the end, their winter break now safe. Niki was shocked at how friendly Heeseung  and Sunoo had become and how he had become much nicer with him as well. After that they grew a little bit closer, all of them especially when Heeseung  told them he had a friend that could speak Japanese and so he could probably help Niki around if he wanted. 

Jay was nice and funny and the coolest person in school and Niki really couldn't understand how he was friends (best friends at that) with serious stoic faced Lee Heesung. Their group somehow came together after that, the group slowly came together with the addition of Jake, who was an accidental common friend as he was  Sunghoon's best friend and Niki's friend from soccer practice, and of course, Yang Jungwon. Jungwon was the most square person Niki knew, always sticking by the rules, stricter than Heeseung  when studying and honestly a little scary despite how cute he looked. He was friends with Heeseung  as he was a class president for the first years. 

The seven of them fit together easily enough, mostly their personalities are somehow strangely similar. Jungwon is hard working and tight up like Heeseung  but he is also into the movies and series Jay likes, he chats with Niki like they had always known each other. Niki learns that Heeseung  is indeed a nice guy, especially when you are friends with Kim Sunoo, and that he is actually fun despite all the studying going on. Jake learns Niki is friends with Sunghoon and after that he never leaves their side, Jake is really just a brighter puppy version of Sunghoon and Jay is exasperated about the youngsters and teased by all of them but he loves them – Niki knows. He is glad to have someone help him with japanese-korean too

Truthfully, Sunoo is the one that stands out a bit, although everyone likes him a lot, he just seems distant at times and it is like he is friends with the entire school to a point he is not really close to any of them except to Niki and now, maybe, Heeseung. At least the two seem to cling to each other in a different way than they do with the rest. 

"You should be more diligent with your studies Sunoo-ah!” Heeseung  exclaims one day during lunch when Sunoo is telling them about how bad he did at a quiz since he spent the night before binge watching What is Wrong with Secretary Kim until 3 am. 

"Ah I know but it is so boring.” The younger explains, if you can count that as explaining, letting out a deep breath and resting his head on his hand. 

"It is boring but it is good for you. It's not that bad to be honest” Heeseung  laughs about it.

"Yes, yes it is that bad. But I will be okay because I have hyung to help me right?” Heeseung  nearly chokes and the whole table stares at the two, Heeseung  is not exactly the kind of person that enjoys cheesy lines or a clingy dongsaeng. 

"Of course” He answers instead of rolling his eyes or shurrging him off. In fact he even blushes – he bluses! – and smiles back at Sunoo who seems more than satisfied with the answer he got. They go back to studying leaving their friends all in some state of shock. 

It doesn't take long for them to notice the ridiculous crush the older has on Sunoo, he even confesses it to them at some time. Niki is pretty sure Sunoo knows too but he doesn't say anything, instead they settle for teasing him when Sunoo isn't around and trying to encourage him to just man up and confess already, but Heeseung  doesn't seem to want to do that. Too scared and hesitant. 

Instead the seven of them just keep growing closer, well kind of. They go out once or twice, sometimes they go out in smaller groups, but they almost always have lunch together before the second years become third years and their schedule changes. They get comfortably accustomed to each other. Jungwon helps Niki and even Jay study when Heeseung  is busy (for everyone but Sunoo). They all start going to soccer games to see Niki and Jake play, Sunoo gifts every one of them on pepero day and Sunghoon brings extra lunch to share with them whenever. 

It is nice and comfortable and it feels like a way to bring Heeseung  and Sunoo together under the facade of a friendship. In fact sometimes their friends have the goal to do so without the other two noticing, unable to handle their uncessant mutual pining. 

A year goes by like that and Sunoo is still a not so diligent student and Heeseung  is still class president, now president of the debate club and probably the best student their school has ever had. Sunoo still begs him to study with him and Heeseung  still says yes every time. But now Sunoo's reasons aren't so simple as wanting to secure winter break and escape summer school and get decent (or at least passing) grades. 

Lee Heeseung  has a reputation, of being a great student, of never getting in trouble, in a sense he is a prime example of being reliable and granted a certain success in the future. He is very popular among everyone for that, especially among the girls, a fact his handsome face certainly helps. Sunoo thinks those girls are right, Heeseung  is reliable and handsome and whenever he is explaining something to Sunoo he always makes sure to not make him feel stupid but he still sounds so smart and it is so attractive. 

Heeseung  is very attractive Sunoo thinks, he is also kind and lovely and honestly cute with how easily flustered he gets. Sunoo is very fast to understand why he wants to stay by Heesung's side, why he wants to make him laugh and blush and smile. Why does he want to tell Heeseung  that yes, he is the best, the absolute best. He catches on to his feelings before his first year even ends and it comes naturally, it isn't particularly shocking or upsetting, on the contrary it feels like the only possible outcome all this time. 

It is easy to admit it, easy to proceed to make Heeseung  notice him, in part because for all good Heeseung  is at math, korean, english and chemistry he isn't good at hiding his feelings at all, his crush on Sunoo is so obvious and evident it's kinda funny, but it is also kinda cute. All their friends have caught up on it he is sure, still no one talks about it like it is supposed to be some short of secret, which honestly is super funny because Heeseung  is incapable of being subtle. 

Unfortunately Heeseung  is quite incapable of acting on his feelings as well, which has Sunoo having to do all the work which is quite honestly very frustrating. 

For example, Sunoo had begged and put on his best puppy eyes and pout for when he asked Heeseung  to tutor him again, had made himself look extra pretty that day and his grades were not all he cared about when he asked the other. He wanted to spend time with Heesung, just the two of them. Sure their friend group was in a months long process of getting together and going out or having lunch together eventually. But still, it wasn't that much time and Sunoo wanted to spend time alone with Heesung, just the two of them. 

But Heeseung  seemed way too interested in the subjects they were supposed to be studying. Sure Sunoo cared about his grades and he had to do well, but he also knew that he would be okay if they had one small talk, Heeseung  could make a joke, they could talk a bit first, Heeseung  could try to get closer then. Of course it was the library but no one cared for chatter if it wasn't that loud, people have headphones these days, and no one was near the two of them. Heeseung  always looked handsome but Sunoo spent hours in front of the mirror that morning doing his hair and makeup to look perfect but natural, picking out the best uniform he had available. Heeseung  could try a bit harder he guesses because instead Sunoo had to do all the work.

Like conveniently forgetting his math book so Heeseung  would have to share his, which the elder only scolded him a little about, or rolling up his sleeves and dragging his chair closer to the other so that their skin would purposefully. Complimenting Heeseung  on how smart and how intelligent and what a good teacher he was, because it wasn't a lie and Heeseung  got all smiley when Sunoo told him that. He was the one who had to make comments and little jokes about the problems in the study sheet and he was the one that asked if he could help him with physics too (which to be honest was a necessity, academically speaking) only so that they could be together a little longer. Heeseung  didn't do any of that, he was always focusing on school. 

Heeseung  keeps teaching him about thermal dynamics. Sunoo is glad for it, really, but maybe he thinks Heeseung  should come closer and demonstrate how to transfer heat between their bodies. He doesn't want to seem like he is desperate for attention, but he knows for a fact he deserves it a little bit, they have been studying for hours. 

"Your roots are starting to show” the older boy is facing down, nose deep in his class notes from last year to help Sunoo, Sunoo could see his hair well this way, the way the roots were much darker than the rest. "You should dye your hair again or you will get caught.”

It was a little act of revolt, Sunoo found out, Heeseung  dyed his hair to become a little redder than the original brown. Like a stand up to his picture perfect student status. Hair dye was not banned in their school but it was mostly looked down on by the disciplinary committee and teachers. Someone like Heeseung  shouldn't do it. He did it anyway, although he kept it a secret from everyone else  who hadn't known him very well. A silent act of rebellion. Sunoo found it endearing. 

"I have no idea what you are talking about.” Heeseung  answers, still not looking up. 

"I think you do, Mr. Class president with red hair.” Sunoo answers playfully. "I like it” he says, boldly moving his hand to touch his hair, even if it is brief it feels like his hand is on fire, Heeseung  looks up to stare at him, cheeks almost able to hide the red. Got you.  "It suits you a lot,” Heeseung  nods. 

"Thank you Sunoo-ah” he says before going back to his notes. 

"I have been thinking of dyeing my hair. What color do you think would suit me?” He inquires, trying to pursue some conversation. He doesn't expect Heeseung  to give it much thought but the other seems like he is thinking about it.

"Something bright, colorful maybe”

"You think I would fit something that bold huh?”

"Yeah. You are bright and bold. I like that about you.” Heeseung  says and Sunoo likes that Heeseung  knows something so easy and trivial about him. "It would look nice”

"Thank you hyung.”

"Now back to physics, you really need to focus right now”

Maybe Sunoo focused too little but Heeseung  definitely focused too much. Sunoo wondered how he did it, debate club, class president and still on top of the class. A strong candidate for any of the SKY universities he probably would end up attending, but maybe he needed to relax and enjoy things a little bit more. 

Exam season goes smoothly and Sunoo is glad for Heesung's tutoring sessions as always. His passing grades are not the only thing that comes out of it. Sunoo does dye his hair a bright pink afterwards. It goes well with him he thinks, he always suited the color pink the best his mom used to tell him. He feels even more confident with it, the next morning he makes sure to use a little more makeup because he just knows people are going to look his way. Afterall he will be looking like a pink highlighter — a very pretty one. 

He does turn heads in school the next day, and although there is no rule against it he can see the teachers displeased looks and disapproving glares. Nevertheless, Jay who once dyed his hair blonde and some girls he doesn't know go out of their way to tell Sunoo he looks incredible and they hope he keeps it. As if he nearly destroyed his scalp and hair condition to dye it back. Jake and Niki and the soccer club give him the thumbs up when he passes by so he thinks he has succeeded. He expects someone from the disciplinary committee to come and suggest he changes it, he doesn't think it will be Lee Heesung.

"You know the disciplinary committee has asked me as third year class president to strongly recommend you dye your hair back” The older says with a smirk on his face that does not match the idea he has to strongly recommend Sunoo to get rid of the pink.

"I see they think I would further ruin my scalp for them. Since when is it your duty to reprimate students?”

"You would have to ask them as they decided to give me the authority to do so” Heeseung  says and Sunoo doesn't understand people who don't know how funny Heeseung  is, because he always makes Sunoo laugh, his sense of humor is just too good and he is always in a good mood. 

"Well, do they know your hair is not natural either?”

"I guess since it is a natural color, what they don't know won't hurt them.” Heeseung  says, openly admitting it for the first time even though he wasn't exactly trying to deny it. 

"I guess you are right,” Sunoo says with a smile. "I will tell them you lectured me on how unprofessional and how a student should worry about entrance exams and not this kind of thing and the chemicals will damage my brain or whatever” Sunoo says and Heeseung  actually laughs at it.

"Good I wouldn't want my reputation getting tainted like that.” He says. "People can't think I am going soft." 

"And what do you think of it? The pink I mean? Do you think the chemicals will make my brain rot?” Sunoo asks, getting closer to the elder, personal space was not really Sunoo's thing. At least not when it came to Heesung. 

"I hope it doesn't. You look stunning Sunoo-ah.” Heeseung  says, with so much honesty in his eyes, Sunoo feels oddly confident. Enough to quickly hug the other one. 

"Thank you hyung” He says as he pulls away and quickly runs out leaving a stunned Lee Heeseung  behind. 

"You want me to go where?” Heeseung  asked, a bit cynical. 

"To the fair this weekend! Everyone will be going. It will be fun, c'mon!!" Sunoo answered, puppy eyes on display and hands together begging Heeseung  to go, trying to make it more appealing than it actually was. 

"No offense Sunoo-ah but shouldn't you be studying?” Heeseung  asked, but his voice was playful, like he was teasing the younger.

"Don't give me that look! Exams will be over already! You have plenty of time to study after we have a little bit of fun for the first time in months. Please let's go, it will be fun! You really need to freshen up! You study too much. I am worried you haven't gone outside this semester yet!” Sunoo is always so dramatic. Heeseung  finds it both funny and cute so he smiles and agrees with him at last. Like he always does.

"Okay Sunoo-ah I will be there”

"Good, if you don't show up I will never forgive you!” Sunoo threatens but there is no bite to it.  

Heeseung  does make it, perfectly on time, together with Jay and Sunghoon who he brought along.

"Are you sure you don't want us to bail so you can be alone with him? We will even convince the others to go along if you want man.” Jay suggests, half joking half serious with his eyebrows raising. 

"Don't be like that”  Heeseung  interrupts him, he hopes his friends aren't embarrassing with Sunoo too. "He invited everyone. It is not like that at all” He adds because it really isn't. It doesn't mean anything more and Heeseung  shouldn't raise his expectations because Sunoo was just being nice. Sunoo just wanted to hang out with friends.

"Right" Jay responded sarcastically "And yet you said he planned this because he is worried you study too much and needs to go outside for a bit. Doesn't sound like he wants to see you specifically at all.”

" Sunoo is just nice. It seriously has no meaning behind it."

"Maybe you are right" Sunghoon says, for a moment Heeseung  is sure he is his favorite. "But I know you wish you were wrong."

"I hate the two of you so much" He says facepalming. 

"We are only speaking the truth! You want a date with Kim Sunoo so bad" 

His teasing is stopped by cheerful Kim Sunoo and Shim Jake and a not so smiley Nishimura Niki crashing into their group. Heeseung  can't stop the wide smile on his face once he sees Sunoo, his friends groaning at how whipped he is.He hopes the younger one doesn't notice it. 

"Hey guys!" Jake greats them, puppy mode on like always

"Ah I am so glad you guys are here! I was scared Heeseung  would bail and study his life away.” Sunoo exclaims, he looks so cute without his uniform, even with a uniform he looks cute but now he has beige shorts and a cute oversized pastel blue cardigan over his baby pink shirt. He is wearing glasses he usually trades for contacts but he just looks so adorable with them on Heeseung  wonders why he doesn't wear them everyday. The colors of his outfit and the red of his lip tint fit the peach pink in his hair. Heeseung  thinks he looks the prettiest.

"Don't worry Sunoo-ah we wouldn't let him do that” Sunghoon assures him with a conspicuous smile.

"Thank you hyung! You are the best” Sunoo says, eyes sparkling when he high fives the older one. 

"So why was I dragged here? Is there anything fun to do?” Heeseung  inquiries.

"Absolutely hyung! Let's go, Jungwon is waiting for us by the bumping cars” Sunoo replies, jumping around, excited and bright like always.

"Please don't tell us it is our first ride. I already know I will be targeted” Jay complains half-heartedly causing the others to laugh at him.

"It is a good thing you know hyung” Niki tells him, much to his dismay. 

Jay is indeed by far the most targeted person to ever ride the bumping cars, all 6 of them focus solely on him, especially Yang Jungwon who seems pretty into releasing all pent up frustration by violently crashing into him. 

"Ah please this is a bit too much! people watching will think you guys are bullying me or something!” the Korean American snaps at them just before a particularly hard clash against Jungwon. 

"Deal with it hyung-nim” Is all the younger offers him which sets the others laughing.

The bumping cars indeed have an unique charm Heeseung  thinks, they are red, shiny and attached to the roof of the ride, they can't go fast enough to actually hurt someone but there is still a thrill to riding it. The colorful lights around reflect on the cars and there is childish music playing in the background, maybe they are a bit old for places like this but it is still charming and Heeseung  is glad he is here. 

Especially when Sunoo gives him a smirk, a plan forming in his pretty head, the elder gets it immediately and points towards Jay with his head. It is like they don't need words to communicate, like they have spent so much time alone in silence studying that they get the basics of communication now. Heesungs marvels at the feeling that there is a connection between him and Sunoo. Which is proven to be real when they clash at both sides of Jay's car exactly at the same time. 

"Kim Sunoo I drag Heeseung  out of bed for you and this is how you repay me? You two suck so much oh my god” Jay complains but all Heeseung  can hear is Sunoo's laughter. He hopes to hear his laugh echo forever in his ears. 

Heeseung  is the one who suggests the roller coaster, which he immediately regrets as he sees Sunoo's smile drop, but Niki and Jake are already screaming about how they want to ride it together with an excited Jungwon dragging the others to the line already. Sunghoon honestly looks a little green but also determined to ride it. Even Jay, the ever coward looks excited but Sunoo doesn't seem so sure and for some reason Sunoo is the only smile Heeseung  wants to see at the moment. 

"We don't need to ride it if you don't want to” He whispers to the younger one.

"Ah hyung but you wanted to ride it so much” Sunoo says and he looks surprised the other would even suggest giving up. 

"It's okay I don't like roller coasters that much” Heeseung  says which is a blatant lie because he absolutely adores these kinds of things. Really almost as much as Niki. "Really"

"No it's okay you wanted to ride it! I will ride it with you hyung! I am not a coward I can do it” Sunoo insists 

"Are you sure? You don't have t-”

"I really am sure hyung! Please I am not a baby. I can handle a ride.”

"Okay then. If you get scared maybe you could erm” Heeseung  starts but isn't brave enough to finish. 

"What hyung?” Sunoo asks, eyes curious "I mean I totally won't but what were you going to say?”

"Ah nothing Sunoo-ah” Heeseung  says, suddenly painfully aware of how their friends are most likely pretending to not hear their conversation by having Jake tell whatever nonsense he is talking about. 

"Now you really have to tell me” Sunoo insists playfully pushing the other. 

"Maybe if you are scared you can- erm youcanholdmyhand” He spills, as fast as he can praying no one will understand him, but apparently everyone does, Jake suddenly goes quiet, Niki is now deeply interested in looking at the sky Jay chokes and Sunoo's cheek are turning bright red. They are quiet for the longest while before Sunoo suddenly offers his hand to the other, they are sweaty and a bit clammy but Heeseung  doesn't mind one bit as he holds it and refuses to let go. Marvels at how warm it feels, how it is much smaller and prettier than his own big hands, like they were supposed to fit into each other. 

In the end, Heeseung  hands do not keep Sunoo from screaming his lungs out, screaming a bit like a dolphin honestly with how high pitched it turns out to be. Much to Jungwon's and Jay dismay who claim to have acquired permanent ear damage. "My hearing will never be the same Sunoo-ah. Heeseung  doesn't really mind it though but he makes a mental note to maybe never suggest going for a ride like this with Sunoo again. 

"I hate it. I hate it so much hyung! Please let's not go again. Please I am sorry" The younger asks him desperately, after celebrating that the ride is indeed over. "I really hate things like this hyung I can't believe i went in it for you honestly” and those words stay with Heeseung  for the rest of the day. 

Overall it is a really nice day, Heeseung  fails to win Sunoo a bear in the game stands but Niki gets one for him instead, laughing at Heesung's sour expression. They go on the ferris wheel despite Jungwon suspicions regarding safety and they can see half of the city from above. It is a pretty view, Seoul is a wonderful city, Heeseung  thinks. They try out their strengths in the hammer game and  feed the ducks in the lake nearby. Sunoo takes ridiculous selfies of all of them and insists on going into the photo booth, which is very argued against but all of them go inside of it numerous times. Heeseung  keeps the row of him and Sunoo playing around with the costume items and making silly faces in his wallet. 

They get love apples that fit a bit too perfectly within Sunoo lips, Heeseung  has an unexplainable urge to kiss them and so he is glad his friends are surrounding them before he does something Sunoo would regret. Jay gets popcorn and half of it ends up on Sunghoon's head much to Niki's delight as the younger laughs and picks some up to eat. Heeseung  tries cotton candy for the first time that day as Sunoo insists "C'mon hyung just one time won't be bad for your teeth!" and is absolutely shocked by how it melts on his mouth. 

The others laugh at his stunned face and he doesn't mind, not when Sunoo steps a bit too close, steals a handful of his cotton candy and eats it with the biggest smile. Sunoo is terrible at personal space , Heeseung  thinks. "It's great isn't it hyung?” 

"Yeah. It is”

Somehow all their friends disappear with excuses before it's even eight, so Heeseung  offers to take Sunoo home, the other accepts once he is sure it won't be any trouble for Heesung. 

"We live close by anyway, just like three blocks away, Sunoo-ah.”

They walk beside one another excitedly talking about what they enjoyed the most throughout the day. Definitely not the roller coaster. It's nice to walk close by to Sunoo, the younger loves talking, Heeseung  has come to learn over the year they have spent knowing each other, usually Heeseung  doesn't talk all that much but with Sunoo he does, it's like he wants the younger to know things about him that he usually wouldn't mind. An exchange from what he wants to hear Sunoo say. He likes how Sunoo is not only a good talker but a great listener, always asking questions and paying attention, with big doe eyes shining and nodding his head along with the story.

"Hyung, what do you want to do once you finish high school?” the smaller asks in a shy voice.

"University of course” the other answers. This has always been the plan for Heesung.

"Yeah I know, but what exactly? You never told me.”

"Well Law. Hopefully at SNU, maybe Korea University.”

"Hm. Why Law?”

"Well I like Law, I like all subjects really but philosophy and history are quite nice and there is a lot of that in Law School. I like to believe that there are tools to ensure justice and safety. I could see myself being a lawyer, learning law. Hopefully I could bring the world to be more just someday you know?” Sunoo hums, nodding. That is one of the things Heeseung  likes so much about him,  Sunoo truly tries to understand him when he speaks. Not everyone does that, sometimes it feels like the other is the only one that does it. Sunoo seems pretty focused on his answer so he adds "Plus I like true crime documentaries but could never be a police officer, like ever” to which Sunoo kind of laughs and Heeseung  is content with that.

"What about you Sunoo-ah?”

"I have no idea hyung, none at all” Sunoo smiles but he quickly drops it. "My mom has been pestering me about it, I know she is right but I just have no idea, why do I have to choose so soon you know? I hate this pressure and all. I just wish there was just something I wanted to do.” He sounds sad, not the usual Sunoo, smiling and bright about everything. Heeseung  knows no one can be happy all of the time but he thinks that if anyone deserves to be it's Kim Sunoo and his heart of gold. 

Truly Heeseung  kind of wishes they were not having this conversation right now, because he is not good at dealing with feelings and crying and comforting. But he is glad Sunoo trusts him enough to open up, he knows it is hard to choose a career path, hard to grow up in a way. Knows that parents have expectations and knows that Sunoo doesn't really like school or studying or anything that Heeseung  likes and has planned for himself.  He knows that Sunoo has his own way to shine though, and he hopes the other will always be happy. So when he opens his mouth he tries the best to comfort the other the best he can. 

"It's okay, you still have time Sunoo-ah, and I know I am all about studying but that is not all there is right? You are great at so many things, I am sure you will be okay.” He says, hand on Sunoo's shoulder trying to assure him of what he is saying. Sunoo does smile and look a little happier, but not entirely.

"Do you mean it hyung?” the younger asks, still looking at the ground.

"Of course I do Sunoo-ah.” he answers and he does. "Hyung wouldn't lie to you.” Sunoo nods but doesn't seem convinced. "I promise you don't have to be so afraid of the calendar."

"Thank you hyung. I am really glad you came today, I was scared that you wouldn't really.” Sunoo replies. 

"Of course I would.” Heeseung  answers, indignant the younger would even consider the older would not go to an event that Sunoo of all people invited him to. Sunoo, whom he would always agree to tutor and buy lunch with, whom he always hangs around with if he has the opportunity. 

"Really? Sometimes I think all you care about is studying, you know?” Sunoo questions, but his tone is playful and Heeseung  is glad they are having a more light hearted conversation now.

"Hey I care about other things rather than studying!” He remarks.

"Do you now?” Sunoo laughs at his indignation.

"Yeah well I care about my friends, my family, I care a lot about you.”

"I care about you too hyung. That is why I wanted everyone to come today so badly. I wish you would have happy memories of high school and your friends."

Heeseung  laughs a bit at that, Sunoo sure can be dramatic, as if he did not have found memories of them at all. But he is thankful Sunoo made sure he would come, thankful Sunoo would care about him studying too much or elsewhat, even if Heeseung  thought such a thing did not really matter at all, he can understand where Sunoo is coming from. He feels more appreciated by this than by all those times students thanked him or professors congratulated him, and feels like Sunoo really cares about him as a human person. 

Truthfully speaking Heeseung  doesn't feel like he is wasting any of his time, he will stay in Seoul for university, most likely in his house with his parents. He is sure he will keep in touch with Sunghoon and Jay anyway because they always have. He feels like life at university will be more fun anyway. He likes studying too. But maybe he will miss Kim Sunoo's adorable laughter and the way he drags him into fairs and the movies. 

"Thank you Sunoo-ah I made great memories today. I have great memories with you.”

Maybe the calendar makes Kim Sunoo a little desperate,  because regardless of the fact he has no idea what he wants to do with his life he is sure he wants Lee Heeseung  to be his boyfriend for whatever he is doing. So Kim Sunoo decides to start his little plans. Operation make Heeseung  fall for me — or rather make Lee Heeseung  admit his feelings. With how much Sunoo is doing for their relationship (everything that currently exists) he just doesn't feel it is fair for him to confess first too. Plus it is not like he isn't obvious already. 

He goes to Heeseung  class before exams to wish him good luck and give him a cute pen to do his exams, hugging him for "extra luck", even if he has to run back to his own classroom to take his own. He buys Heeseung  lunch one day. Heeseung  says he likes pink so he only wears pink shirts for like a month. He accidentally bumps into Heeseung  in the hallway more than once, and makes sure to maintain eye contact every time they are laughing with their friends.  

He asks Heeseung  to walk him home even though he doesn't mind it. He has never done that before, and he makes sure to obviously flirt when asking it. He pretends to forget books to ask to share Heeseung  ones when they study, he makes sure to lean in, to keep their knees touching when they sit together. 

Although he likes being cute he goes to the length of doing actual practiced aegyo just so Heeseung  will smile at him – Jay nearly gags at the sight when he catches it once. He pretends to have a secret admirer to get Heeseung  to act in jealousy, but there is no response. He actually studies and watches the anime Heeseung  likes just so they can talk more. He makes sure to mention he watched a certain thing because Heeseung  recommended it. 

According to Nikki the worst of it was not even that, it was the fact that Sunoo would suddenly start complimenting Heeseung  whenever there was an opportunity. If someone was talking about hair "Heeseung  hying hair is so soft" would suddenly pop up, if god forbid anyone talks about school Heeseung  will hear about how smart and intelligent and patient for hours on end. If Heeseung  is talking about something he did it will probably be followed by "wow hyung you are so amazing", "that is really cool”, or an entire spoken paragraph on how kind the older is. 

Once Niki made the absolute mistake of commenting on someone who was handsome ( but only because he was jealous!). Their friends promptly disagreed and after some argumentation Niki asked them who they then thought was handsome in school. After Jungwon rationally argued in favor of Choi Beomgyu and Sunghoon exclaimed "Me of course”, Sunoo shyly said "Heeseung  hyung" while looking down and Heeseung  almost combusting on the spot. Everyone was suddenly quiet for a moment then, mostly out of embarrassment. 

And no matter how silly all those plans and tricks to make Heeseung  feelings stronger and get him to confess are, Heeseung  never seemed bothered by them. Maybe flustered at times and confused by others, but he still did anything Sunoo asked, still treated him like he was something precious, still looked at him with the stars in his eyes and still blushed ever so slightly. So even though Sunoo did not confess, Sunoo thought he had made everything clear. And even though Heeseung  did not confess either, when they walk home one fateful Wednesday and their hands "accidentally" touch, Heeseung  actually holds his hand. So Sunoo thinks maybe he doesn't need a confession and maybe he can give Heeseung  as much time as he needs. 

Maybe they are basically-almost-technically together and Sunoo has nothing to worry about. They can go together to the winter party and everything will be resolved by then. The winter party was not as much of a party as it was a school event to eat and listen to some background music that lasted about 3 hours but couples mostly went together. 

Therefore, Sunoo can not help being angry when he finds out who Heeseung  is actually planning to go with. 

Even worse is that he has to find out about it when Jake asks a question during lunch time. 

Heeseung  is studying while Sunoo and Niki are pretending to study and Jay is sleeping, leaning on the table. Jake approaches them with no ill intention, eating a bag of chips and smiling like a puppy as always,  and Sunoo is sure he means well, but he still hates what happens afterwards.

 “Hi guys” He is greeted with the lack of attention any Thursday at 3pm study session would have. But Jake has always been one for chatter so he asks: “Who are you guys going with to the winter festival?” 

“With Jihyo '' Heeseung  answers first which is honestly quite shocking for the rest of the table. At least Jake and NIki look as shocked as Sunoo feels. Jay is still sleeping peacefully. 

“Park Jihyo?” Niki asks, a bit incredulous, Heeseung  just nods in return. Sunoo has to make an inhumane effort to not react. Jihyo is everything Sunoo isn't, she is smart and academically gifted, she is organized and responsible and overall the perfect archetype of a good girl. And of course she is a girl. Although Sunoo knows Heeseung  likes guys, he also knows his life would be easier if he dated a girl. Especially one exactly like her. Someone serious. Someone with a future. “Since when?” 

“Well she asked me. It is only logical we go together since she is the president of the student council and I am class president. Since we both technically have responsibilities at the event it would be easier this way. Not like it is a big deal or anything.”

Oh  

“Okay then. Niki, you are going alone right?”

It's not a big deal. Not at all.  

“Just with the guys” 

God why is it only ever important to Sunoo. No one else cares. Why is he so pathetic about those things? Why is he so hopeful? It is not like Heeseung  would actually confess to him. It's not like anyone else would ever think it matters. Everyone is concerned about more important things. .  

“Sunoo-ah? “ Jake asks him. Maybe he has asked him twice already. Sunoo knows he has no right to feel angry  – it's just Sunoo getting left behind with unimportant high school things while Heeseung  grows up – but he does. He is fuming right then. At Heeseung  and at himself. But it is not a big deal.

“I am not going.” he says, almost being able to hide his anger. Almost.

“You are not? “ Heeseung  asks, suddenly paying attention to the conversation.

“No. Why would I go to this stupid party anyway it is not like it will be remotely fun at all.It´s just like pathetic” 

“But you love those things” Heeseung  says, like suddenly not getting something, like he got a question wrong in a test. Sunoo wants to cry.

“But I don't want to go.”  Sunoo bites back, already putting his things away. “It's not a big deal. I actually have to go now. My friends are texting me.”

“Who?” Heeseung  asks, suddenly grabbing his own stuff too. 

“My friends that are not your friends. Bye guys” Sunoo says as he leaves by himself,  aware Niki is probably gonna call him a drama queen next time they meet. 

“I will never sleep at school again. Oh my god you are totally incapable of being left alone for like two seconds” A post nap Jay exclaims after Heeseung  lets him know what happened during break time. 

“It wasn't that bad okay” Heeseung  defends himself.

“It was. It really was. It totally was.” Jay insists

“It was not” Heeseung  is in denial.

“He walked away and said that he was going to meet who exactly?” Jay asks eyebrows raised, almost in a provoking manner. Heeseung  knows it is an ironic question but he still answers. 

“Friends" 

“Which friends?” 

“Friends that I don't know” 

“He doesn't even have other friends, Heesung! He is so mad at you oh my god” 

“Shut up! He has plenty of friends. And I am not concerned he walked off. I am concerned as to why he is not going to the festival. He loves those, I am only going because of him.” 

"Then why are you not going with him?” Jay asks as if it was obvious this whole time. 

"Does that matter? Even if he was not with me I would still be spending time with him there, plus it's practical to go with Jihyo.”

"Well maybe it matters to him!” Jay says, voice a little louder than a minute before.

"Why would it matter to him?” Heeseung  asks before looking around to add "And keep your voice down, some first year students are staring at us.” 

"God Heeseung  i don't know, maybe he wanted to go with you or whatever. God forbid Sunoo wants things that are different from what your nerd ass wants.” Jay replies, quietly but hissing and voice dripping with sarcasm much to Heesung's dismay. 

"But would he really be that mad about it?” Heeseung  asks, half because he doesn't believe it, half because he is kind of panicked about that being the case. 

"I don't know." Jay shruggs  "You should try and talk to him you know, maybe ask why he was upset. If he is upset and stuff. Communicate.  You know what that means right?"

"Shut up Jay.” Heeseung  rolls his eyes, "I will talk to him.”

It takes almost a week for Heeseung  to talk to Sunoo. Not because he didn't want to face him, but because Sunoo was actively avoiding him. It sucked, because if Sunoo was avoiding him then he really must be upset. Heeseung  isn't sure if it is because of him.  Or he wasn't until he saw Sunoo talking with Sunghoon as if nothing was wrong in the world. 

Heeseung  tries to talk to him on Tuesday but Sunoo excuses himself because he has cleaning duty and has to go home soon. Then on Wednesday Heeseung  doesn´t even see Sunoo the entire day, not even during lunch when their friends pile up in the cafeteria. 

On Thursday Heeseung  goes over to Sunoo´s class once classes are done and offers to walk the other home, but Sunoo says he has to study with a classmate later in school that day, Heeseung  offers to wait but Sunoo says it will take a lot of time. Heeseung  offers to help but Sunoo refuses even as the other insists. This one is what hurts the most, because Sunoo usually comes to him whenever he needs help with school. It is what Heeseung  does best, and he always helps Sunoo out no matter what. Now he doesn't even explain why he can't help properly.

On friday their eyes meet while they are walking down the hallways toward one another and Sunoo drastically turns around and walks the opposite direction. It is like a punch to the gut. One that keeps Heeseung up at night the entire Weekend.  On Monday Heeseung  finds Sunoo looking for books at the library and decides it is time to corner him to get some type of answer otherwise they might never speak again. 

"That is a nice book." He says, he approaches Sunoo, who is picking up a book on the higher shelves, from behind. As quietly as he can. Sunoo just picked up war and peace. Heeseung  briefly remembers that Jihyo was reading it earlier this week but doesn't entertain that though for much. 

"Oh." Sunoo turns around surprised when Heeseung approaches him. Like a deer caught in the headlights. He looks upset still, the usual cheerful smile nowhere to be seem. Heeseung  knows he must act quickly or he will try to run away again "Hi hyung, I didn't see you there I actually have t-" 

"Why are you avoiding me?" Heeseung  interrupts him, trying to force eye contact with Sunoo. Black piercing eyes that don't request, but rather demand an answer.

"I am not avoiding you." Sunoo tries to argue, eyes desperately looking for something else to stare at, but his voice is so low he must know no one on earth would be slightly convinced.

"Yes you are." Heeseung  presses and this time Sunoo does complete eye contact with him. This time Sunoo can see the hurt in his eyes, far more present than anger or any other feeling. "You very clearly are."

"Maybe" Sunoo caves in. Eyes now back on the floor. 

"May I ask you why? Are you mad at me because of something I did?" Heeseung  pushes while nodding, he already got past the first problem now that Sunoo admits it.

"I don't want to talk about it right now hyung."  

"Ah please answer me Sunoo-ah." Heeseung  says, loud enough to get a nasty glare from the librarian. He tries to be more mindful when he adds,  "is it related to the winter festival?"

"It's nothing. The festival is not a big deal, remember? You said it yourself." Sunoo answers this time much more defensive, hostile even. Like he is accusing Heeseung  of something the older still doesn't get. 

"Then why are you acting like this?" Heeseung  asks. If he is honest Sunoo is not being very logical. Actually this is rather an irrational reason to be mad at someone, and even if it is the reason why would Sunoo deny it then, if Heeseung  clearly wants to fix things. But it seems like this was the wrong thing to say because Sunoo gives him a look that is filled with cruelty before he replies in the coldest voice Heeseung  has ever heard him speak at. 

"Hyung for someone so smart you sure can be dumb" Sunoo knows he is being unreasonable but he doesn't want to face all his insecurities right now. Because it hurts to see Heeseung  and knows that he should be going with Jihyo. That Sunoo himself is not good enough for Heesung, not someone with no focus and who has nothing to do. 

"What?"Heeseung  looks beyond fazed and Sunoo just wants him to drop it so he can pretend he isn't some stupid kid that Heeseung  will never understand.  "I just want to understand why you are so angry at me Sunoo. I can't exactly solve things if you can't do at least that for me. I can't do it all."  

"Ah yes because it is you that always does everything for our relationship right Heesung.?" Sunoo asks, raising his voice now so that it is a proper fight now. He was mostly motivated by his inferiority complex but Sunoo can't stand to see Heeseung  state that he cares that much that he does all the work between them. Because Sunoo has caught himself disturbingly invested in someone who just doesn't care that much. Or at least that is how he feels and he can't believe Heeseung  right now, not when he wants to invalidate what is hurting Sunoo the most. 

"What are you even talking about?"Heeseung  is yelling now, a few people are staring at them now. 

"Tell me, Heesung, before this week have you ever made any effort to hang out with me? As far as I am concerned I am the one who has initiated every single interaction and opportunity we had to spend time together. I am not sure you even want to spend time with me, maybe I just forced you to do it,"

"That is so unfair of you to say Sunoo-ah. Of course I want to spend time with you." Heeseung  doesn't yell now. Instead he looks so sad and ultimately miserable that Sunoo feels guilty. He knows he shouldn't have said that. That it is not true, that it is just in his head and he can't take out his insecurities on his friends. But it's already done now and Sunoo doesn't have it in him to apologize, to make up. At least not right now, not when his heart is hurting so much. 

Neither of them move. They stay in uncomfortable silence for a while and Sunoo thinks about how this has never happened to them before. They never fought, they never even argued, even though they were so different. Nothing had ever been so important to the point Sunoo thought that it would make him mad at Heesung. Two weeks ago pushing Heeseung  away would be the last thing he would ever do, and yet he can't stop himself from doing this now. Silence between them had never been so loud. 

 "Please tell me what is wrong so that I can fix this, I just want to solve things." Heeseung  finally says after a couple minutes. But Sunoo hates the wording of it, like this is a problem he solves just like the ones in his math and physics books. Because Heeseung  only cares about school and he thinks every other thing can be resolved this way. And maybe he is right, but that is even worse that makes Sunoo even more irritated, because he himself will never be able to solve anything this way. Because he sucks at this, because he hates studying and he is nothing like Heesung. Because maybe they would never work.  

"You can't solve me like a formula you know that right? Well maybe you thought you could but people aren't like tests. And you seriously need to stop over analyzing them and just fucking pay atention to what is in front of you for a second." Is the last thing Sunoo tells him before he storms out of the library.

That is the only instance in Heesung's entire high school career that the librarian turns to him to request him to stop bothering others and being so loud. Heeseung  barely pays attention to her though. He is both angry and  sad, mostly angry, because honestly he doesn't think he deserves this attack from Sunoo. But the younger boy himself is fuming so Heeseung  figures it is best to let him go and suffer in silence while the words settle in. 

Then he is mostly sad. 

Later that week he catches Niki hanging out at the lockers; they are both late to class, or at least Heeseung  assumes the other is too, which is something Heeseung  never does. But this is just not his week, so instead of rushing to his classroom he decides to talk with Niki instead, he can get in without being scolded next period. 

"Hi” Heeseung  greets him, almost scaring Niki. 

"Hi hyung! I didn't think you would skip class” the younger answers, Heeseung  makes a face at that

"I am not" he clarifies "I just missed my alarm this morning so I am really late.”

"Oh. That does make way more sense" Niki nods, then his expression turn sour. "Please don't report or scold me for missing class hyung please I promise it is just this once.”

Heeseung  laughs at his desperate expression. 

"I won't Niki, don't worry. But you shouldn't do this too much, okay?  It is not good for you.”

"Of course hyung!" Niki's relief is just as comical as his despair "I won't"

"Okay then, just don't let Jungwon catch you” Niki makes a face at that and Heeseung  smiles. They stay mostly quiet then, even as twenty minutes have gone by. 

Niki is playing a game on his phone while Heeseung  catches up on Korean literature class by reading poems. Neither of them were much of talkers really, they were just friends with people who never shut up. In fact, when Heeseung  thinks about it he doesn't think he has ever had a real conversation with Niki outside of their friend group. He supposes there won't be a better time to start one. 

"I think Sunoo is mad at me" he starts tentatively. 

"You think ?” Niki asks in disdain, eyebrow raised and a chuckle, his traditional and oddly common personal trademark on sarcasm.

Okay I know he is mad at me. I just don't understand why.

Look hyung, Sunoo has a serious case of chronic overreacting and he is the biggest drama queen I have ever met. But, that is who he is, that is just the way his brain works and we all know it and we chose to like him and accept him for the dramatic idiot that he is. So you should apologize even if you are not sure why, because it will be more important for him that you care more about his feelings than you care about your pride"Niki says, he is serious like he never is and Heeseung  thinks that he might actually be wiser and more mature than any other of his friends. Which is very odd but also makes sense. Niki has always been a good kid. 

"Okay"Heeseung  agrees. "But what do I say?” Heeseung  asks, if Niki is so good at Sunoo advices he should ask that too right?

Just say whatever you want to. Admit that you were in the wrong, no matter what in the wrong is and that you miss him. Tell him exactly that okay? That you miss him. Don't make your life hard."

"Okay. I can do that”

"Oh and please do it quickly he seems really upset and I can't stand his mopping and whining any longer”

Heeseung  doesn't go to the winter school festival that Saturday night, instead he shows up at Sunoo's door. Sunoo hears about it from his dad. He is in his room after declining his sister's proposition to watch TV and eat popcorn. He felt silly and dramatic for how he acted with Heesung. He knows the other is slow with these things, but he just can't help but get angry at how stupid the other can be. Can't help but feel betrayed at the prospect of Heeseung  not even hesitating to say yes to Jihyo. Feels like he is the only one trying. Feels like he is the one getting left behind in high school when Heeseung  and – annoyingly pretty and stupidly smart and responsible – Jihyo, who was so much like Heeseung  while Sunoo just wasn't.

So yeah Sunoo feels childish for getting jealous and fighting with Heesung, but he was also hurt and it was too late to go to the winter festival now, so instead he locks himself in his room. Puts on makeup and a cute outfit to take pictures of himself and blasts BTS in his speaker because he already feels pretty pathetic he does not need to mop all night long over this. He is Kim Sunoo goddamn it, he does not need to feel bad about himself over anyone, not even Lee Heesung. 

Mic Drop is on and he just found the perfect angle for selfies when his dad knocks on his door to let him know he has a visitor and that he should tell them if he was planning to invite someone over. He argues he did not invite anyone and tells his dad to ask Niki to wait, when Mr. Kim answers that it isn't Niki that is on their doorstep Sunoo goes downstairs mostly because of curiosity. He certainly did not expect Heeseung  to be there, he doesn't seem dressed up for the festival at all, with just jeans, his coat and a black hoodie (the good one) on. He does look ridiculously handsome as always though.

"What are you doing here?” Sunoo asks, crossing his arms.

"I came here to apologize. I am still not sure what I did but if you don't mind telling me I will never do it again. But you don't have to tell me. I don't understand it but I don't want to fight with you at all and I am sorry I upset you. I don't want to make you sad.” Heeseung  says, voice filled with sincerity and a bit of regret. Sunoo who had already forgiven him before he even came fights back a smile and plays hard to get a little.

"Is that all?” He asks, a look of disapproval on his face that seems to catch Heeseung  off guard, like the speech he planned on did not have the desired effect. 

"I also wanted to ask if you wanted to maybe hang out later?” He asks unsure. "I miss you Sunoo-ah" and Sunoo can't hold back a weak laugh and smile at that, much to the other's relief.

"It's okay. I should be the one to apologize actually” Sunoo says facing down "I am sorry I was so angry. I have been stressed lately.” 

"It's okay Sunoo-ah, I understand. I am truly sorry for upsetting you.” Heeseung  assures him, like he always does. Heeseung  is always so good to him.

"Why are you not at the party? Decided to study instead?” Sunoo asks, because as much as Heeseung  came to apologize he could have done it later.

"No. I- I just thought it would be no fun without you” Heeseung  admits, ears red and Sunoo's heart skips a beat before guilt fills it.

"Y-yeah? But won't you miss it? It will be your last event like this, you will have exams in January and then… Then you will be off to college and… Did I just ruin this for you?” do I ruin everything for you for being such an indecisive stupid child? 

"No." Heeseung  is so sure of his answer it is almost enough to convince Sunoo. "I don't care about things like that at all, you said it yourself, it is a stupid party, I would rather be with you.”

"So you really stood up Jihyo?” Sunoo is more curious about the girl than he would like to admit.

"Well no, I let her know in advance of course. It would be cruel to just not show up with no explanation.”

"Ah hyung, such a gentleman!” Sunoo kind of wishes he wasn't so good, because it makes his heart melt and hurt. 

"So what are you stressed about Sunoo-ah? Can hyung help you?” That is the thing about Lee Heesung, always trying to help Sunoo never asking for anything in return, as if he wasn't charmed already as if he wasn't whipped for the other already. Sunoo thought he was the one supposed to be making up plans so that the other will fall deeper but Heeseung  is always there, just taking care of him. Sunoo likes it a lot. He likes Heeseung  so much. 

"Well it's nothing much.” He says, "just you know, school, my mom has been pestering me about college and stuff," That is not all. They both know it and Sunoo stops carefully for a moment before carrying on. "You” he admits finally.

"Me?” Heeseung  asks, incredulous as if he could never have thought of it. But he probably had.

"Yeah you. You are gonna leave us all behind and go to university soon and…" Sunoo pauses for a second, even if he was being a bit dramatic before he is actually scared traitorous tears will begin to stream down his face any second now. He knows his voice gives it away but he would hate himself for crying so stupidly in front of cool composed smart Heesung. "And i am going to miss you so much hyung" he admits at last and just saying it out loud hurts a little more, his voice a little more strained, words a little more quiet, eyes trained to the ground.He can feel the wetness on his lashes.

"Ah don't be ridiculous Sunoo-ah! I am going to visit you all the time even if you have to prepare for exams Sunoo-ah. And don't worry I will ask Jungwon-ah to tutor you. " 

"I don't care if you won't tutor me anymore hyung!" Sunoo almost screams, it isn't possible Heeseung  seriously thinks Sunoo only cares about that. "I will just really really miss you, it won't be the same if we are not going to school together'' there is so much annoyance in Sunoo's tone, but there is also an honest hurt within it. The accusatory tone is half hearted but his voice is small in a way it usually isn't and Heeseung  wishes it would never sound like this.

"I will miss you too Sunoo-ah" Heeseung  says, because he will. So much.

"No you won't." He can't believe he is crying now. He feels so pathetic and small. It only makes him think his fears really will come true. "You will be having fun at university with your friends or you will be stressing about your schedule and new responsibilities and you will forget all about me" He has insecurities enough to back up every single word he has said, if it has been hard to get Heesung's attention already he can't help but think University will steal Heeseung  away from him forever.

"I could never forget about you in a million years." Heeseung  says, arms now around the younger in an attempt to calm him now, Heeseung  has always panicked at the sight of tears. Sunoo desperately wants to believe him. "Plus, I want to go to university in Seoul anyway so I won't even move out. I will still see you all the time, it is a promise." He says extending his pinky to which Sunoo hesitates for a second before grabbing it with his own tightly and shaking it.

"If you break it I will never forgive you hyung I am serious. I will curse you for a hundred years if you do!" Sunoo accuses.

"That is okay I won't ever break it" Heeseung  answers back, like he is so sure like he has no doubts he will still be here for Sunoo. Sunoo wishes he could be that sure about things too.  "I am sorry I made you feel like I don't care about you or that I don't want to spend time with you. I want to spend time with you all the time." For a while he just smiles at the other dumbly while pushing the tears away.

"Do you want to come in and watch a movie hyung?" Sunoo asks, breaking the silence.

"Of course! I would love to spend time with you watching a movie." Heeseung  smiles at him. "What are we watching?”  There is so much positivity in his voice it would be impossible even for Sunoo's biggest insecurities that the older would rather watch movies with him than go out with Jihyo any day. Even if Sunoo is nothing like Jihyo. Sunoo is well aware this isn't a competition – Jihyo probably doesn't even care – but he feels like he won. 

"Hm how about Pride and Prejudice?” Sunoo suggests. Heeseung  hates romance movies, or he thought he did but then he saw Sunoo getting all excited and emotional with them, his eyes dreamy whenever the characters on screen get a happy ending and so he has decided he loves romantic movies. 

"Yeah, I love it." Heeseung  says with a smile. 

"Ah come in then, hyung! My sister made us popcorn!" 

"Hyung" Sunoo says as Heeseung  is leaving his house later that night. After they lowkey cuddled on the sofa. After Sunoo fell asleep on his shoulder. After Heeseung  didn't even try to wake him up. After they discussed the movie and after they put on a second movie and finished it too. Ten Things I Hate About You this time. 

"What is it,Sunoo-ah?"

"Next time you don't have to miss any parties you just have to ask me to come with you instead of agreeing to go with someone else." 

"HE SAID WHAT?” Jay practically screams at his face 

Heeseung  rolls his eyes.

"He said that n ext time I don't have to miss parties because I should just ask him to come with me instead of going with someone else." 

"He said you should just invite him next time. Like that is a thing that he said with his voice out loud. He actually said that to you. He told you to ask him out instead of going with someone else because then you won't have to miss another party”. Jay insists on the topic, eyes wide like he can not grasp the depth of the quote.

"Yes, that is exactly what he said. Why are you so confused about it?” Heeseung  asks, now quite frankly annoyed. 

"I am not confused about what he said." Jay argues back "What I can't understand is how you didn't kiss him right there or I don't know how to confess or whatever.” 

"What?” Heeseung  asks in disbelief, cheeks a tinted pink.

"I seriously can not understand how you can doubt his interest if he told you AND I QUOTE" Jay is almost yelling before he stops to talk in a much chimper and high pitched voice "Heesung hyung! Next time you should not miss the  party! Ask me to come with me instead of going with someone else” 

"You are being too dramatic. Right guys?” Heeseung  looks at the others. They are all cramped up in Jake's living room. His parents never mind when he brings the guys over maybe because they are kind of Australian. 

Jake's house is not far from anyone, kinda in the middle for everyone, his living room is not very big but the sofas are the most comfortable of all and the walls are a gentle pastel green that makes Heeseung  feel homey. So it was their automatic go-to place when Heeseung  called for an "emergency meeting”. 

He does feel guilty for having all their friends there except for Sunoo, even Niki even though he was originally Sunoo's friend. But Sunoo couldn’t possibly be at an emergency meeting about himself. At the same time, Heeseung  is glad they are all there to help him when they know it is difficult for him to deal with these things. Feelings. 

“Eh, maybe he is being a little dramatic” Sunghoon, his forever ally, helps him out. 

“No. Jay Hyung is right." Jungwon stops Sunghoon before he can convince someone else to join in. And that is how Heeseung  knows he has fucked up because Jungwon who is also logical and uptight, Jungwon who is brutally honest and unbearably always right, agrees with jay. Fucking Jay who has been telling him for months now. "Absolutely right. Sunghoon and Jake, you guys can’t keep lying to him about this to preserve his feelings." Heeseung  would like to believe he wasn't being a fool kept blissful ignorance by his friends but Jungwon is crushing that down with one arch of his perfectly defined eyebrows.  "Sunoo is being painfully obvious. In fact he is probably offended that you haven’t come into him yet.” 

"What? R-really? You think so Jungwon?" Heeseung  asks, but he already knows the answer. 

"It’s not a matter of what I think." Jungwon says  "At this point it is a fact. As much as I hate agreeing with Jay hyung, you should just ask him out. He will say yes. I promise" 

"I- I. I mean I couldn’t possibly possibly just… even if he likes me there is a chance he will say no."

"He won’t. " Jungwon's voice is firm like it always is. Jungwon is always so reliable and smart and strong but Heeseung  just can't be convinced. 

"He probably will." He argues

"That is a lie and you know it." But Jungwon has outdone everyone including himself in the debate club. 

"Maybe he will" Heeseung  insists, hearts are actually hardly won over debates and logical thinking. A lesson he is learning the hard way.

"But maybe you will get to date him, don't you think so? 

"Why are you having this conversation when we have an inside man?" Jake butts in, because if he has to watch this going back and forth for the next hour, like he is afraid they will be doing, he might as well give them his peace of mind and help them go the easy, faster way.

"Good point!" Sunghoon agrees, it's like the pair has a telepathic link

"What do you mean?" Heeseung  asks.

"Niki spill the tea right now." Jake half shouts "What has Sunoo told you about this?" 

All heads and eyes turn to the Japanese boy, whose eyes were comically wide as he dropped the candy he was eating. To everyone surprise Niki confesses the unimaginable 

"I actually never talked to him about it."

"What?" It's Jay and his overly expressive confused face that asks. "How? It’s Sunoo, aren't you like best friends? 

"Sure we are." Niki reasons. "Sunoo is actually a really private guy."

"What?" All of them speak in unisom. 

"Yeah. He never opens up about that kind of stuff. Sure he is nice and he doesn’t mind displaying emotion and letting you know he enjoys your company. He never ever talked to me about other things though. Like family, or love."

"Kim Sunoo is a private guy?"Jay repeats, the entire image he had built of Sunoo, as bubbly talkative boy who likes to tell you about his favorite hobbies and has cried more times than acceptable in public is kind of a hard contrast to that of someone who wouldn't talk about his feelings with best friend. 

"Yeah. I mean I am too so it’s not like the opportunity ever came up. I don't know why you guys are so surprised. Has he talked about any of those things with you guys?" They all shake their heads no, even Heeseung  has only talked about those kinds of things with him twice, when they were walking back from the fair and when they made up. He knows it is silly to feel special right now, but he does. 

"I can’t believe the bro dudes trio talk more about their feelings than Kim Sunoo. I mean it’s ice cold Sunghoon, quiet Heeseung  and Dumbass jay. " Jungwon interjects to which Jake agrees with a quiet "I know right"

"Jungwon can’t you ever stop insulting me for a second?" Jay asks, head already hurting from the younger antics. 

"This is not about you hyung. You are so self centered. Anyways. Heeseung  hyung you don’t need to worry. I am sure he will say yes and I am giving you rational, calculated advice."

"Well I appreciate it Jungwon but I… I am worried anyway."

"Why?"Jungwon asks, more like challenges him. 

  "Well because it’s Sunoo." Heeseung  answers, saying his name like he is someone untouchable and out of reach.  

"Exactly!" Sunghoon butts in "It’s Sunoo. It is just Sunoo, our friend, who sucks at math and spends an hour and a half getting ready in the morning. He smiles at dumb jokes and loves chapsticks. He wears way too much pink and cries over anything really. He can be annoying and he is very much human and flawed. He is just a person that you can ask out without disturbing the universe.

 "I agree with Sunghoo!" Jake jumps in as always. "Plus Sunoo is super kind, even if he rejects you he wouldn't hurt or humiliate you."

"But that is exactly why I am nervous. All of those things are true about Sunoo and they are lovely and I adore all of them. That is why I lo-like him." 

There is a long stunned silence of the boys just staring at Heesung's horrified face before Niki loudly whistles. 

"That is so gay." He says. 

"I mean they are gay.”

"You know what I meant” they know, Niki, they know. 

"Well hyung. If you like him so much then why didn't you invite him to the winter festival?" Jake says carefully, like he doesn't mean to cause any drama given the recent library fight. "Honestly,we all thought you were going to." 

"We actually all did!" Sunghoon exclaims. 

"That 's true."Jungwon agrees. "I was shocked to know you said yes to Jihyo. It was like a perfect opportunity for you, it's like  a couple thing but not as big as confessing. Why didn't you ask him?" the younger asks. The thing about Jungwon is that he is always so well articulated and smart, so intimidating and without filters that he scares Heeseung  a bit.

"Truthfully I didn't even think about it." Heeseung  says, and he feels a little dumb that literally everyone thought of it but him.

"How not?" Sunghoon seems to be facing a crisis by the absurdity of Heesung's answer.  "It was like exactly the romantic shit from dramas Sunoo would love”

"I- I don't know!" Heeseung  tries to justify himself.

"That might be the problem here actually" Niki interferes.

"What?"Heeseung  asks.

 "Heeseung  is not romantic enough for Sunoo." Niki says, dead serious. 

"What?!" he asks again, this time with indignation rather than curiosity, who is Niki to talk about being romantic when he constantly demonstrates to not be able to demonstrate the slightest of feelings to his own friends. 

"Think about it. Sunoo loves dramas and ridiculous sappy movies. All that romantic bullshit stuff. Didn't he just make you watch not one but two romance movies? We all know his favorite BTS song is Just One Day. He daydreams about EXO ships _ or whatever. He is super into grand gestures and hopeless declarations. And Heeseung  hyung is a bit too serious for any of that."Niki explains

 "You might actually be right"Jaywon interferes and shit Heeseung  really could be a bit more romantic. 

 "But how can I be more… romantic?" Heeseung  really wishes his cheeks were not as red as they currently are. 

 "You have to be more sentimental hyung. Show him you are a man with feelings" Jungwon helps

"Guys like that?"Jay asks at the same time Jake shouts "Totally! And spend more time with him! You know he loves that maybe that is his love language or something" 

"Give him some gifts" 

"Not everyone is as much of a material gurl as you Niki-ah"

"Shut up SungHoon you are the vainest person ever." 

"Good point Niki. Heeseung  should compliment Sunoo  more!" Jake adds to which Sunghoon is a bit scandalized – the betrayal.   

They launch on all of the things Heeseung  should be doing and all the ways he should be thinking and suddenly Jaywon is explaining very carefully why a tattoo is an incredibly reckless choice that will most likely not solve the problem. 

"I mean he is worried about their future right? A tattoo would certainly be forever.” Sunghoon tries to reason

"That is the dumbest reason to get a tattoo in human history."Jungwon deadpans, a look of pure disappointment in his face "Give him roses!  He loves those!"

"Roses would die in two days, how is that proving forever?"

"It is better than a tattoo okay jackass" 

Heeseung  is starting to think that maybe this just won't work. Maybe it is impossible to make a romantic out of him.  

"Shut up everyone the original advice giver is about to speak. "Jay loudly interjects, which is when Heeseung  rolls his eyes losing all hope

"So Heesung." Jay starts "How long have I known you? Roughly 8 years I’d say. And I’ve seen you get screwed over and I’ve seen you happy. You made friends and you cried and you study so hard everyday because it is what makes you feel good about yourself. But I’ve never seen you so happy, so alive, so sure of anything, not before you met Sunoo. Not as much as when the two of you hang back when we are all walking together and he laughs at your jokes and tells you you are awesome and shares what he likes to do and who he is. And that is the thing Heesung, he likes you for who you are! So you don't have to change to be someone he will like more and you don't have to be extra and romantic and shower him with roses if that is not you. You can just show him you like him in your own way. Like you have always done. Like he has always enjoyed so far. Just maybe you should be a little more verbal about it. And a little more assertive and literal and just ask him out like I know that you can." God everyone is so quiet now, Heeseung  did not expect it to be this serious and emotional. 

Jay has always been the one to give him unsolicited advice about Sunoo. He was the first one he actually told about it too. Jay has always been someone he could trust. He has always been someone whose opinion he deeply cared about. Someone who he cared immensely for. So maybe it isn't such a shock Heeseung  fell for Kim Sunoo, his polar opposite because he has lived and loved with the person who is his complete opposite for years now. Their moms always used to say that although Jay was a troublemaker, he has a heart of gold. Heeseung  thinks they really  were right.  

"I can’t convince you that he will like you back, but as your best  friends we say you should confess because we believe that it will be good for you. I think you will be so happy and so will him. And as your best friend ever – fuck Sunghoon hard time."

"Oi you asshole!" Sunghoon shouts in the background while the rest of them laugh. "Shut up prince. In my position as Heesung's bestest friend" Jay continues, ''I say you should confess because I don’t want you to carry this regret with you. I don’t want you to let Sunoo go because I know he is the one for you. At least for now. And I want you to smile every morning and go to sleep with a grin. Because I love you and I would never say you should do something that would be bad for you."

"Thank you Jay." Heeseung  smiles. 

"Jay Hyung doesn't look like it but he is actually really good with words right? It is like he has a lot of emotional maturity and a sense of poetry in him."

"Wonie are you… complimenting hyung?"

"What? Os course not! What compliment are you hearing? Say that again and I will fuck you u p."

Two days before Heesung's SNU entrance exams he walks over to Kim Sunoo's house with a thin coat and a rose on his right hand. 

He is studying in his study desk in his room, his parents had gotten it for him when he started high school. It's the room he has spent his childhood in, brown walls with a couple posters, a shelf with books, fantasy ones and school ones is on his right, some trophies on top of it for school and honors, the type his parents get proud about even though it doesn't mean all that much. His bed has blue cushions to his left and there are photos of him and his brothers or him and Jay or Sunghoon as they grow up on his bedside table. It is simple and tidy. His crib is the kind that goes into the wall, he has blue curtains on his window across the bed and the floor is made of wood. 

It is not much yet it is the place he feels at home the most. He grew up in this room, there used to be stars that shone in the dark in the ceiling and the walls used to be red. They have been painted and taken off for a while now. It seems like yesterday when Jay would brust in not even announcing his visit or knocking on the door, followed by a confused timid Sunghoon profoundly apologizing for the intrusion. They had spent hours playing on the floor with toy cars and running around the house with nerf guns. They had grown up together with the summer heat when their bones felt too big for awkward bodies, springs filled with ice cream and camping, autumn afternoons watching TV and playing on their phones, winters made up of silly fights and an oath to never stop being friends. 

Now they won't go to school together anymore, the closer April gets the closer they are from University and Heeseung  is excited for it. He has waited for this for a long time, he knows his friends won't leave him, no one will probably leave Seoul, maybe Jay if he goes back to america but Heeseung  knows they will always be friends. He isn't particularly attached to high school at all, sure it wasn't terrible but he doesn't think it was the time of his life or anything like that. But still, he can't help but feel lonely. 

He feels like a grown up in a brown room with no glowing stars or dinosaurs on the floor. Growing up feels like killing the boy who used to wake up everyday at 5:30 to get ready for school and put on his uniform. Suddenly he has grown rather fond of it. He wants to start university soon, he is done with this part of his life, or he almost is. There is still one regret left, one last thing to do. As much as he has grown up and is ready for university he has toa admit to himself he is going to miss high school and he is going to miss Kim Sunoo.

He doesn't believe in cram studying, never has, never will. He has seen Jay go absolutely insane with it, drinking 2 liters of Redbull to try and stay awake learning the entire subject in a day and a half before exams, has watched Sunoo wait for the very last minute to ask for help and has definitely learnt that is a failed method. But he had decided to take these last two days revising formulas and re-reading summaries to make sure he had it all memorized. Except he can't concentrate on physics and the mass of earth at all because all he can think about is Sunoo, and how it almost feels like he is losing him. 

Lee Heeseung  has always been rational and practical, his brother always teased him about it, his parents always thought it was endearing and Jay always said he should be a bit more impulsive. He had always liked math and science so much because it made sense, it was real but abstract enough so that he could pretend it wasn't part of this world. He always liked bitter flavors, always had been responsible and patient and charmed adults. He always waited to live a little bit more once he was accepted into university. So why was he now so attracted to cute things, why was he so attracted to warmth and blinding shiny lights and beauty. And Kim Sunoo.

Kim Sunoo is beautiful. He still remembers the first time they were in a room together. The warm autumn afternoons studying in Mr. Choi's class. The falling leaves outside and the sun gently hitting Sunoo's face. Sure Lee Heeseung  had known beauty, he was best friends with Park Sunghoon, his brother loved girl groups members when he was younger, but Kim Sunoo was different.

He was pretty in a way words couldn't describe, he looked prettier every time Heeseung  saw him. But the first time they met was engraved in his mind. Those afternoons when they were studying in the old classroom, golden orange like sunlight lighting the others face so he could see                     every small pretty mole on his face, the way his hair was so cutely framing his face, jetblack and ironed straight, it was shiny. His lips were in a permanent pout when he was concentrating on studying, they were heart shaped and pink. They were pretty. Heeseung  wanted him to smile and talk and frown and cry and yell and laugh just so that he could see what his lips would look like.

It didn't seem real, that someone that beautiful could exist, that someone so cute could be an actual person. They were in silence and Heeseung  thought that maybe this was a dream about beauty, how could someone who looked so perfect be there, in such a trivial spot, such astounding beauty living an everyday life in a monotone unimportant classroom. Sunoo seemed out of this world, a character from a book, a gift God gave them for sore eyes, a fairytale hero. 

Heeseung  knew nothing about him. He wanted to look at him a bit longer; he wanted to know what he was like. So when he saw him crying behind the vending machine he forgot all about the chips he was buying. He decided that maybe he shouldn't be so polite and find out if the younger really was okay. 

He got to know the real Sunoo then, and Sunoo was just human. He cried and he joked and he was terrible at math. He hated studying, he wasn't sure what to do with his life and he liked cheesy dramas and movies Heeseung  used to think were dumb. Sunoo was dramatic and ridiculous. He was petty and a crybaby. And Heeseung  liked this version of him even more than the perfect being he thought Sunoo would be. His humanity didn't make him any less beautiful, it made him absolutely ethereal. 

Sunoo who made him feel like forever sometimes, who made him feel less perfect and more real. Sunoo who made everything seem real and screaming and lovely. Sunoo who would always feel like a poem written with sunlight. He felt warm and lovely and Heeseung  was obsessed. He was addicted to it.  Addicted to his smile and his antics, addicted to getting worried about the younger. Addicted to fretting about his math exams and agreeing to go to fairs, amusement parks and watching stupid cliche romantic movies by his side. Addicted to how real and how great and how alive he felt like that. A rush he could never wear off. 

Even when Sunoo was mad at him, even when he was yelling out insults or upset over something Heeseung  did not understand at all. Even when he was crying because he didn't understand trigonometry, too scared to admit it because Lee Heeseung  would laugh at him. When he cried for two days because of grave of the fireflies. Even when he was being sassy with Niki over some joke, or when he was making a drama out of something simple he could just have been rational and think through for some minutes. Even then he was everything Heeseung  ever wanted.  

He had his exams soon, the exams he trained for years for, the purpose of his pathetic little life for three years and all he could think about was Sunoo's face, his smile. How pretty he was, how funny he was. How he wished he was laughing, how he was the only person he wanted a hug and encouragement from. How, yes he always wanted to stay in Seoul for university, but any other place that did not have Kim Sunoo was simply unacceptable. How it made no sense to commit his life to something that didn't mean half as much as the pink haired boy. 

Lee Heeseung  was madly in love with Sunoo. And for all he tried to be rational and think about it he couldn't do that anymore. Maybe all he had to do was walk out of his house and yell out that he was in love. That it was reckless and it made no sense, that it could probably wait a week or two, but Heeseung  was losing his mind. I am in love. It was the first time he even considered the possibility. 

Suddenly he felt horrible, like all the time he had wasted when he could have been holding Sunoo's hand, when he could have been holding Sunoo. And telling him how pretty he was, whispering pretty words in his ears. Kissing his face. Kissing his lips. All this time he had wasted when he should just have held the other and screamed at the top of his lungs that yes i am in love with you Sunoo-ah. And it hurt, it hurt somewhere deep in his chest, it hurt because he was in love and he should have been with Sunoo all this time. He should have asked Sunoo to date him the moment he saw him and damn all logic. 

He probably could do his exams without telling Sunoo. But he couldn't. He felt like a coward. But he also felt euphoria. Sunoo had to know, he had to know what the other would say. It felt like all of his body ached to tell him, he had to know. 

It felt like trying to breathe underwater, impossible, improbable and reckless. Yet there was some hope to it, even if his chest hurt, even if it felt like dying, it felt like something amazing and unique. An imaginable secret he could keep forever with Sunoo, something magical and miserable that could last either forever or five seconds. Maybe that is what falling in love feels like, like drowning in hope and in sadness. The beautiful kind of sadness, a hopeful melancholy that could offer so much happiness if you withheld a little bit of suffering. 

Or perhaps that is what growing up feels like. Like gravity coming down on you way heavier than the supposed 10 m/s, pinning Heeseung  body to the ground so that he couldn't move, so that even breathing was hardly bearable. Incapable of doing anything at all, watching the seasons change, watching himself change. Maybe watching Sunoo change too. Kim Sunoo  was not the kid he found crying over trigonometry anymore. Sunoo had grown, with plenty of friends and ways to manage his school work, he had dyed his hair bright pink and cried considerably less. Sunoo was now worried about his future and braver than ever, his height hadn't grown much but his heart certainly did. Heeseung  wanted to see Sunoo change and grow for the rest of his life. He couldn't stand the idea of Sunoo growing to be apart from him, couldn't stand being immobilized by the gravity of things and his mind any longer.

He simply has to go, he stands up because he can not for the life of him remain seated in this old room. He picks up any coat, fixes his hair and puts on shoes like he can't stop himself from doing it. He must have gone a little insane but he can't stop himself.  He couldn't help but feel like if he doesn't tell Sunoo now, then he never will. He will keep coming up with excuses and reasons not to say it and that is why Sunoo is mad at him. That is how he will lose the most beautiful, charming boy he has ever known. He is out of the door before his mom has the chance to ask what is doing.  

And so before his SNU entrance exams Lee Heeseung  walks over to Sunoo's house during a cold night in January with nothing on him but a thin coat and a rose he picked up on the grocery store that is on the way from his house to Sunoo's. Romantic. Niki said I should be romantic. 

When he rings the doorbell, this time it's Sunoo who answers and not the others dad ( thank god that would have been awkward, once was enough for this life time. he thinks). His hair is messy like he hasn't brushed it, he doesn't have any makeup on and his cheeks are red because of the cold air. Sunoo looks confused but concerned to see Heeseung  at his doorstep. He still looks perfect, Heeseung  thinks.

"Hyung? What are you doing here? It's freezing!” the younger yells out in question  and in disapproval both. The third year should be cautious about his health at a time like this. 

"I had to see you?” Heeseung  answers but it almost feels like a question.

"Why? Did something happen?” Sunoo asks, brows furrowing in deep concern now, and Heeseung  is nervous his heart feels like it is beating so fast and so intensely it is going to tear his chest apart and break free any minute now. But Sunoo cares about him, he does and so it calms him a little bit.

"No. Nothing at all. I brought you a red rose, it's your favorite right?” He says, handing out the rose to the other who takes hold of the flower between his small fingers and expects it for a second before looking up. 

"It is. I really like it, thank you hyung. ” He says in a small voice.

"You always talk about flowers and romantic gestures and this is your favorite flower so I needed to get you one.” Heeseung  hates that he is rambling but he simply cannot control himself today.

"Thank you hyung. Thank you for remembering all that. I really appreciate it but should you be here? Your exam is close you need to take care of-”

"Yeah yeah I should be here. I needed to be here.” he cuts off the other because yes Sunoo-ah I am supposed to always be by your side . " I have to tell you something." 

"Okay. Do you want to come in then?” Sunoo says timidly trying to find something to say but he is just confused as to why Heeseung  is acting so weird.

"No, I'll just tell you here quickly.” Heeseung  refuses, shaking his head.  

"Okay" Sunoo waits for him to say anything else but they are in silence then, Heeseung  possibly on the verge of a heart attack too anxious to say anything, scared Sunoo might reject him, scared he will screw this up but desperate with the need to at least try. Almost two minutes go by in complete silence and Sunoo still has that worried expression on. "Are you sure you are okay hyung?" 

"Sunoo-ah" He says to buy a little bit of time, and Sunoo looks at him with big brown doe eyes that carry stars on them. Eyes filled with honesty and concern and adoration that is melting his heart away. Heeseung  can't keep it to himself anymore. "Sunoo-ah I really really like you. Really I am in love with you. ” 

For a moment a million expressions cross Sunoo's face before his eyes seem to realize just what happened and he smiles, letting out something that is almost a laugh and Heeseung  would find it adorable if the uncertainty of not knowing what it meant wasn't ripping his heart apart. He hopes Sunoo does it quickly, just a yes or no matter, like ripping a band-aid.

 "Oh my god Hyung you scared me so much. " Is what Sunoo says instead and Heeseung  doesn't quiet understands it

What?

"Ah hyung I thought you would never confess!” 

"What?" Seems like his vocabulary has been limited by the crushing weight of confessing to Kim Sunoo. 

"It has been like a year! you were so mean for not confessing sooner! I was thinking maybe I was wrong and you didn't like me or you did but didn't want to be my boyfriend it was so frustrating!" The younger says pouting and crossing his arms. Breaking Heesung's poor little heart in the cutest way possible. 

"What are you talking about? Did you… Did you know?" Heeseung  asks but Sunoo has pretty much answered that already and he feels like a fool. 

"Well you were not very good at hiding it hyung." Sunoo says, his smile warm and comforting. Maybe he is sorry for how pathetic the whole situation is , a voice in Heesung's head traitorously supplies. 

"Oh… Ah I see I am sorry Sunoo-ah"

"Ah Hyung you are so stupid, you are the smartest person I know but when it comes to things like this you really are stupid.”

"Is insulting me a way to reject my feelings?” Heeseung  asks, feeling a little insulted at this point. Why couldn't Sunoo just say he doesn't feel the same way. 

"Oh not at all” Sunoo says, taking two steps toward Heeseung  until they are terribly close, terribly terribly close Sunoo always had a terrible perception of space. He puts his hands on Heesung's neck and he is so close he can probably hear his heart beating like an alarm clock. Before Heeseung  completely understands what is going on Sunoo is on his tiptoes,closing his eyes and suddenly their lips crash together.

It takes a second or two to process that he is kissing Kim Sunoo and it takes just another second to kiss him back and hold him as tight and as close as physically possible. It's so obvious, Heeseung  notes, the way Sunoo just fits against him so well, the way his tiny frame just matches Heesung's lean broad body. Their lips fit perfectly moving against each other and when Sunoo opens his it's like the kiss just gets a hundred times better, more desperate and passionate

It feels like they are drowning in each other. Concerns and the cold long forgotten. Sunoo lips are as soft and as gentle as they look, they taste like strawberry chapstick and Heeseung  thinks it is the sweetest thing he has ever tasted. His tiny hands are on his hair, pulling a bit and Heeseung  is in love with it, his hands tighten their grasp on Sunoo's tiny waist. Heeseung  is leading the kiss now, contrary to how it initially started and they are surprisingly good at this. Heeseung  wants to kiss him forever. There are no butterflies or fireworks, instead it is a hundred times better, it is better because it is real.  He is real, Sunoo is real.  

It is good and gracious and Heeseung  is sure that he will never ever be the same again. Not when holding Sunoo feels like being invincible, not when he feels like he escaped a terrible fate of not being here right now. He promises himself to study a bit less when he is done with entrance exams, school is basically over he shouldn't care that much. He should spend everyday holding Sunoo's hand and kissing him, holding him close, so close they might become one single being. He promises himself to never call Sunoo a friend again, ever.

"I love you hyung, I really do.” Is what Sunoo says when they pull back for air and shaking a bit from the cold.  

"I love you too sunshine.” is all Heeseung  says before he kisses him again. 

The next day Heeseung  felt like he was the best at whatever exams he had, that is the effect Kim Sunoo had on him anyway. And when his SNU acceptance letter came, his parents and friends all celebrated, he felt proud but not as proud as when he saw Sunoo post about it. 

It was a short post, a little caption and two pictures tagging him. one picture of Heeseung  holding the letter his mom had forced him to take and then proceeded to send to all people she knew, and another picture a selfie of them together, Heeseung  looked caught by surprise, face a little confused, eyes looking at Sunoo with a little too much love in them, while Sunoo had a pretty pout and a finger heart with the hand he wasn't holding the phone. My boyfriend is the smartest! 

He knows it better than anything else, he is in love with Kim Sunoo.