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When Grian saw everyone pouring out of the world portal at spawn island, his heart was fluttering with excitement as he looked for his husband. Mumbo had told him so much about the other hermits, about their close relationships and playful ways. How hardworking they were, always striving to be better than they were yesterday.
He wanted that. Grian was so happy Mumbo had found it for himself, but now that Grian had been invited to join as well, he wouldn’t hesitate to admit that he wanted that for himself, too.
As Mumbo stumbled through the shimmering portal, being steadied with a hand on his shoulder from a creeper hybrid in a torn lab coat, their eyes met. Grian’s heart was pounding.
Mumbo’s face lit up. “Grian!”
A tall man in a turtle helmet turned to look at him. “So, you’re Mumbo’s Grian that we’ve heard so much about.”
Mumbo talked about him? Grian’s heart beat a bit faster, his face growing warm. His husband was so good to him.
“Welcome to Hermitcraft!”
—
It didn’t take Grian long to figure out something was up.
“Hey, Mumbs? Why did Xisuma ask if I was sure I wanted to base so close to you?”
Mumbo grunted, fingers tightening around Grian’s hips, sliding a bit over sweaty skin. “Do we - ah - do we have to talk about that n-now?”
Grian hummed, and clenched down hard enough to make Mumbo grunt beneath him. “I was just wondering, that’s all.” He let out a low moan when the taller man urged him to keep bouncing on his lap, thighs straining with the labour of keeping him moving. “Is it strange that we’re not sharing a base, or something?”
Mumbo’s hips snapped up against him, causing Grian to throw his head back with a shrill gasp. “D-don’t know,” Mumbo panted out. “Doesn’t really sound like him.”
“Strange,” Grian agreed, leaning forward to brace himself on Mumbo’s broad chest, hips gyrating as Mumbo’s cock grinded against his prostate, making his dick kick between their stomachs.
A drop of sweat was running down Mumbo’s temple. “Can I please fuck you now, husband dearest?”
Grian let himself slump down until he was pressed flush to Mumbo’s chest, tucking his head beneath the taller man’s chin with a small kiss to his collarbone. “You may.”
Mumbo’s arms tightened around him as his legs widened, planting his feet against the soft mattress for leverage - and with a grunt of effort, his hips started really working, driving Grian’s breath away as he settled in for the ride.
—
Grian just finished opening a bottle of wine as Mumbo sprawled out on the chequered picnic blanket they had set up beneath a small oak tree overlooking the ocean. It was a beautiful day, and so they had decided to move their date night outdoors.
He smiled when Mumbo held out the wine glasses for Grian to pour, and he did so before snuggling up tight to his husband’s side with a pleased hum.
“This is nice,” Grian commented with a smile. The sun reflected brightly on the gentle waves, grass swaying around them in the mild breeze.
“Yeah,” Mumbo agreed beside him. He took a sip of his wine, his shoulder shifting against Grian’s side as he moved. “This was a good idea, G.”
He beamed. “Thank you! Only the best for my wonderful husband.”
Mumbo chuckled, and pressed a gentle kiss to the crown of his head. Grian let his eyes close, relaxing further against the taller man’s frame as he enjoyed the moment.
“You know, Doc has been asking me about you.”
Now that had Grian’s attention. “Oh?”
Mumbo nodded. “Yeah. He wondered if it was okay for him to ask you out.”
“Oho,” Grian said, a lazy smile spreading out on his face. “And what did you tell him, dear husband of mine?”
“Well, I said that he really ought to ask you that, not me - but that I was okay with it, obviously. We’ve always been open, why would that change just because you’re a Hermit now?”
Grian hummed thoughtfully, taking a sip of his wine. It was sweet and crisp, and tasted faintly of flowers. “Strange question, seeing as they all know.” Then, he blinked his eyes open, shooting Mumbo a look. “They… do know, right?”
To his relief, Mumbo immediately nodded. “Yes, I’ve told them we’re in an open relationship. They should all be aware.”
Grian pressed a soft kiss to Mumbo’s shoulder, a silent apology for doubting him - even if only momentarily. “Maybe he just asked to make sure it was okay, then? Since he’s known you longer than he’s known me?”
“Yeah, that must be it. That’s very sweet of him, don’t you think?”
Grian nodded. “It is.”
They sat in silence for a moment, lounging in the gentle shade of the oak tree.
“If he asks, what are you gonna say?” Mumbo said.
Grian thought about it for a moment, before shrugging with a small smile. “I think I’ll accept. I enjoy teasing him, so it could be fun!”
Mumbo chuckled, and Grian’s heart warmed at the sound. “Don’t break my friends’ brains, please.”
Grian shot him a wide grin, half teasing and all teeth. “No promises!”
—
Doc did, in fact, end up asking him out. And, just to make sure, Grian had asked him, “And you know I’m in an open relationship, right?” To which Doc had nodded, looking just a bit uncomfortable - though that could be explained with the emotional vulnerability of their conversation in general.
So, yes. Doc had asked him out. Grian accepted.
And so it came to this; one rainy afternoon, sheltered in the humid aviary of Grian’s base - there were no birds there yet, but Grian had plans - soft grass at his back, and Doc, big and firm at his front.
Grian arched his back as Doc kept up his relentless pace, fucking him so deep and so good—
“Mumbo and Iskall are fucking.”
It took a few moments for Grian’s brain to catch up - he had more important things to focus on than words, okay? - but when he did, he blinked the sweat out of his eyes as he looked up at Doc’s tense expression.
“Good for them?”
The pace slowed down, much to Grian’s dismay - he’d been close - but if Doc was bringing it up now, of all times, it was probably for a reason. Grian could be patient. He didn’t have to be happy about it, but he could be patient.
Doc’s eyebrows furrowed. “And you’re… fine? With that?”
Grian shrugged, smiling sheepishly. “Why wouldn’t I be? I’d kind of be a hypocrite to mind it, you know.”
Slowly, Doc nodded. Some of the tenseness melted from his expression, and Grian couldn’t help but giggle a bit as the taller man slumped down on him a bit, their foreheads pressing together and making his eyes cross from the proximity.
“Sorry, this was weird. A weird time to bring it up, I mean.”
Grian hummed, and let his eyes close. “It’s fine. Must’ve been on your mind for some time, huh?”
Doc swallowed thickly, and Grian felt him nod against his forehead. “Y-yeah.”
A slow grin spread out on his face. Grian kept his eyes shut. “Why, did you want to invite them over or something? Ask them to join us for the evening?”
“What? No!”
Grian couldn’t help but giggle at the affronted tone. “Relax, I’m just teasing,” he assured.
Doc sighed deeply, warm breath brushing over Grian’s skin. “Sorry, I just wasn’t sure if you knew about them. I felt like you had the right to know, you know?”
Aw. That really was a sweet sentiment. “Thank you, Doc. Mumbo is allowed as much freedom as I am, and we usually tell each other before we take on new partners. We don’t have to, obviously, but just for politeness’ sake, you know?”
Slowly, Doc nodded above him. “I guess that does make sense, seeing as you’re living on the same server now.”
Well, they usually did so before Grian joined the Hermits, too, but Grian really wanted them to get back on track before his erection had the time to wilt completely. So, Grian didn’t reply in any way except for rolling his hips up towards where Doc was still hilted in him, relishing in the surprised breath the taller man took above him.
“Now, I do believe we were in the middle of something…” Grian trailed off, sliding his hands down Doc’s broad back until he could tug his hips closer, biting his lower lip to hold back a moan when the movement shifted Doc’s cock inside him.
“Y-yeah. Yeah,” Doc said, voice gravelly as he shook his head - and then he was moving, hard and sure, and Grian didn’t hesitate to let his appreciation known.
—
Being a hippie had lots of perks. One, he got to see Doc in a suit. Nice.
Two, he got to see Scar in a suit. Double nice.
Three, he got to get to know Ren and Impulse really well. Triple nice - or, well. He guessed that was double nice, too. Heh.
Grian had been washing off the day’s sweat in the small pond at the hippie camp, and then Ren had joined him, and Impulse had been watching them, and—
Well.
Grian was already a mess by the time Ren helped him stumble onto the soft grass by the campfire where Impulse was waiting for them, seed dripping down his legs - both his own and Ren’s - and he flushed at Impulse’s hungry gaze sweeping over his bare skin.
Ren’s voice was a deep chuckle against his neck. “Have you looked your fill yet, Impy?”
Grian shuddered when Impulse took a step closer, making him find himself in an increasingly familiar position, sandwiched in between his two fellow hippies. Ren was still half hard behind him, and he was currently grinding his half chub against Grian’s tailbone.
Impulse’s hands were warm when they met his skin. “I think I am, yeah. The two of you looked so pretty though, you can’t blame me for wanting to sit back and watch every now and then.”
Ren laughed, and it made Grian’s hair stand on end as the warm breath brushed over his skin. “I guess not.” His nose pressed to the nape of Grian’s neck, trailing teasingly up his neck while Grian trembled at the scratch of stubble.
His breath caught when Impulse leaned into his space, dry lips brushing against the shell of his ear, “You up for taking us both today? Not too sore?”
Grian moaned as he swayed between them, eyes closing at their gentle chuckles against him. “I’m good - yeah, yes please.”
Ren snickered against his neck. “What is it with Impulse that makes you so polite, G? You’re usually more feisty than this, yet with him, you always get so…”
“Pliant,” Impulse murmured, filling the silence where Ren’s voice had trailed off. Grian wasn’t the only one shuddering beneath the weight of that word leaving Impulse’s lips.
“It’s just—” Grian said, gasping when he felt curious fingers wandering across his skin, trailing down, down, down - between his legs, rubbing against his taint, “It reminds me of Mumbo.”
All movements ceased.
Grian blinked confusedly, wondering why they stopped.
Everyone was silent for a moment. Then Ren burst out, “Oh, Grian,” with a heartfelt wail, arms wrapping around him and squeezing him tightly.
“What?” Grian asked, feeling like he was missing something obvious. He peered up at Impulse, a question in his eyes, hoping to find answers there.
Impulse was smiling softly, and his eyes were warm, even with a slightly pinched tilt to his eyebrows. “Thank you for telling us. If… we don’t have to continue, if you’d rather—”
“No!” Grian protested, eyes widening. What was going on?
Ren squeezed him tighter. “That’s okay, G. We can keep going if you want.” There was something almost protective in his tone, and Grian was puzzled, but ultimately decided to let it go so that they could move on.
“Okay…” he trailed off, unsure. Then, he shook his head, and met Impulse’s gaze again. “I’d like for you both to fuck me, please.”
“Whatever you need, G,” Impulse murmured, fingers warm and strangely tender as he gently cupped Grian’s cheek.
—
Grian had always been a clingy drunk, and this time was no exception.
Stress had decided to host a party, and most of the hermits were mingling, drinking, talking, or dancing. One hermit in particular was missing, though - none other than Grian’s spoon of a husband, who had managed to come down with a cold after one too many swims in the freezing ocean around his base.
With no obvious target for his drunken affection, Grian found himself spreading it out evenly among the gathered hermits, happily receiving giggles and head pats in return.
He was nuzzling into Jevin’s side when Mumbo walked in. Grian’s drunken mind forgot why his husband was supposed to be in bed, and so he was all smiles when he darted away from Jevin’s side to greet his husband.
“Mumbo!”
The party went a bit quiet around them, not that Grian noticed. He was too busy rushing towards Mumbo, throwing his arms around him with a bright giggle. Mumbo chuckled hoarsely and patted his back. “Hey there, Gri.”
“I want a kiss,” Grian declared, ignoring the various gasps around the room following his statement. He was still wrapped around his husband, head tilting back as he pursed his lips, making a kissy face as he tried to tempt Mumbo into bending down so he could reach.
Mumbo chuckled at his antics, but shook his head. “Grian, no. You know I can’t.”
Grian pouted, but he didn’t think the pained sound came from him. “But… I want kisses,” he said, lower lip wobbling as he swayed on his feet until Mumbo’s hands steadied him.
“Why don’t you go kiss some of the others then, hm?”
Grian frowned. “But why can’t I kiss…” he trailed off, finally remembering why Mumbo would not kiss him - why he was not supposed to be at this party at all. “Oh!” He gasped, and playfully swatted at Mumbo’s arm. “Mister, what are you doing? I ought to take you to bed right now!”
Mumbo’s mouth opened to reply, but before he could get a word out, gentle hands were tugging Grian away and across the room, much to his confusion.
“Grian, come on,” someone said. False, his mind helpfully filled in as he was ushered away from his husband. “You shouldn’t…”
Grian pouted up at her, and felt his eyes filling with tears. “I know that I shouldn’t, but I don’t care. I really wanna kiss him!”
“Grian, please,” another voice replied, and Grian’s mind was spinning from the alcohol, but he thought the voice might belong to Tango. “Don’t hurt yourself like this.”
Grian whined. “I don’t care if it hurts me. It’d be plenty worth it!”
He hiccuped, still swaying slightly. He felt miserable. Who cared if he caught a stupid cold, it was not like it’d kill him!
“...I think we’d better get you to bed, G. You’ll have a clearer mind in the morning.”
—
“You like it when I do that, Mumbo?”
“Oh - Iskall - I like that very much. Feels good.”
“I can tell, you’re smiling from ear to ear!”
“It just reminded me of Grian, you know? Happy memories.”
“Oh. Um… he used to do that to you?”
“Yeah, it was one of his favourite things to do to me.”
“...do you think about it often, Mumbo?”
“Hm? Oh - well, sometimes, I guess? Grian really liked doing that back when we were still boyfriends, but I guess he’s moved on to new things now that he’s a married man, you know?”
“Oh my god.”
“Yeah, it’s still strange to think about. Doesn’t feel quite real, even after all this time, you know? Wait - Iskall, where are you going?!”
—
Grian had only been half-listening to Xisuma’s rambling, most of his focus on placing the blocks of concrete in the correct spots for the upper layers of his base. When his mind caught up to his ears, however, he slowly turned back to face the admin. “Wait, come again?”
Xisuma was nervously wringing his hands, gaze shifting as he shuffled his feet on the small platform Grian was working on. “I said, I think you should move closer to Doc’s base, once you’re finished here.”
Grian blinked. “I… any particular reason why?”
Xisuma’s face twisted into a grimace, before evening out again. “I just… don’t think it’s such a good idea for you and Mumbo to be neighbours after everything, you know? Living closer to Doc would be good for you.”
Grian frowned. “But I thought I’d done a pretty good job of mingling with everyone, not just him?”
Xisuma waved his hands. “No no, that’s not why - it’s… you know. It’s good to spend some time apart, I think.”
“Huh,” Grian said. He blinked a few times. “I don’t think that’s a problem though? I mean, it’s not like we’re basing together or anything, and I do think we’re doing a pretty good job of not turning our private matters into server-issues.”
A small choked up noise left Xisuma’s throat. “No, you’re right. Yeah. Yeah, I’ll just…”
With a jump and a shower of sparks left behind from a firework rocket, the admin flew away, leaving Grian more confused than ever.
—
“So,” Iskall said, the word trailing off into nothing.
Grian snickered at the way the dragon head Iskall was wearing moved when he spoke. “So,” he parroted, tilting his head as they worked on digging out their demise bunker-turned-dragonbros headquarters.
“You’re married, huh?”
Grian gave him a confused smile - not that Iskall could see it, covered by his own dragon head as it was - and replied, “Yeah?”
“Cool,” Iskall breathed. “Cool, cool, cool.”
Grian got a sinking feeling in his stomach, something sparking his attention at the back of his mind, not quite tangible enough to grasp - but enough to be a suspicion. “How so?”
“Oh, no reason,” Iskall said, sounding like he was trying to swallow a lemon while pretending like everything was completely fine.
Grian squinted at him. “...Mumbo did tell you, right?”
Iskall twitched. “Uh huh! Yep, yes indeed he did.”
Grian scrutinised him for a while longer.
“...Good. That’s good, then.”
The cave was silent but for their pickaxes digging out chunks of rock from the walls around them. It was… tense. Awkward for a reason that Grian did not understand.
Iskall found a way to break the silence before he did.
“When did you get married, if I may ask?” His tone was fairly nonchalant, and Grian thought he finally understood why.
Of course his spoon of a husband would forget to tell the hermits the date of their wedding. Iskall was probably just embarrassed to not know his partner’s wedding day!
His smile was more genuine when he answered, and it shone through in his voice. “Oh, it was not that long before I joined the server. May 23rd!”
The pickaxe slipped from Iskall’s hands with a loud ‘clang’ against the cave floor.
—
“Oh, hey Xisuma!”
“Mumbo! Just the man I wanted to find.”
“How are things, X?”
“Good, good. I… actually came here to ask you something?”
“Oh? What’s that?”
“I know this might be a bit awkward, but… Mumbo, I wanted to ask you if it would be okay for me to ask Grian out?”
“Why does everyone keep asking me that - yes, Xisuma, I am more than okay with it. He is the one you should be asking, not me.”
“Well - I just wanted to make sure there were no hurt feelings, you know? Especially since… You know, I, uh—”
“Xisuma?”
“Especially after I heard about the wedding date.”
“Oh! Wait, did I not tell you that?”
“No, but don’t worry about it. I know you must’ve had other things on your mind than remembering Grian’s wedding day, of all things. What with you no longer being boyfriends and all that.”
“Hehe, yeah, I guess you’re right. May 23rd was such a beautiful day… it was really strange seeing him walk down the aisle, knowing Grian would not be my boyfriend after that, you know?”
“Oh goodness… You were there?”
“Where else would I be? He was my boyfriend, X!”
—
<Grian> any redstoners (APART FROM MUMBO) willing to lend me a hand?
<ZombieCleo> oh good god
<MumboJumbo> Grian please
<JoeHillsTSD> Hell hath no fury like a Grian scorned
<Grian> that’s right.
<Grian> anyone?
<TangoTek> sure buddy, what do you need?
<Grian> i need REVENGE
<Docm77> …
<MumboJumbo> oh no
<TangoTek> i’m in
After confirming that Tango was at his base, Grian burnt through a whole stack of rockets to make his way there as fast as possible.
When he saw Tango leaning against the wall of his base, cocking an eyebrow mischievously at him, the man greeted him with a playful voice, “So, short stuff… redstone help?”
“Yes,” Grian nodded, still out of breath from his hasty flight. “I need to know enough redstone to take revenge on Mumbo. I wanna build a trap for him. Maybe a machine to take care of the punishment part, even, if you have the time to teach me that much?”
Gods, he hoped Tango had time to teach him. Mumbo had had him trapped in a slow death loop for most of the day - he’d spawn back in his bed, and immediately be back in the hands of the cruel, brilliant redstone contraption that had picked him apart in the best of ways… all the way until he’d die of hunger, or dehydration, or even - at the end of it, before Mumbo decided he’d been through enough sexy torture - from hitpoints of damage taken.
And then he’d spawned back in the bed, and the cycle had continued.
Grian needed to get him back.
“Well,” Tango said, and Grian blinked as he was ripped out of his thoughts. “I might be able to teach you enough for a simple contraption - and I’m always down for a good prank or trap, G, but… just so you are aware, Mumbo is my friend, too, you know?”
Grian’s eyes softened. “I know, Tango. I’m not actually gonna do anything bad. I just wanna get him back a bit for what he did to me.”
Tango nodded. “Good, good - that’s what I thought, but, you know. I wanted to make sure.”
Grian gave him a warm smile. “You’re a good friend, Tango.”
“You know,” Tango said with a thoughtful expression, “if you want, we can make this redstone lesson quite fun for the both of us? Seeing as I’ve now done my duty as Mumbo’s friend… I can also offer to do the same for you?”
Grian’s smile widened into a grin. “I do like the sound of that.”
Teaching redstone in a fun way, it turned out, included more fucking machines.
Not that Grian was complaining.
—
Grian was humming gently while Xisuma washed his hair.
The fingers on his scalp felt nice, and the water was warm as it rained down on the two of them. He tightened his arms around the admin, grinding slowly against his broad thigh as syrupy heat washed through him in lazy waves.
Xisuma chuckled. “Enjoying yourself?”
Grian hummed in agreement, and grinded a bit firmer, relishing in soft wet skin against his hardening dick. “Mhm, feels nice.”
One of Xisuma’s hands slid down the back of his head, past his neck - following down the dip of his spine until soapy fingers were kneading his ass, causing Grian to gasp softly, pressing even closer to the taller man, trapping Xisuma’s erection between their bellies.
“Fuck me?” Grian breathed, keeping his eyes closed against the suds of soap washing from his hair.
“Yes,” Xisuma said, voice almost raspy with heat.
Grian felt the hands sliding over his skin again, turning him around until his chest was pressed up against the shower wall. The glass was cold, but Xisuma was warm, and so was the water. He shivered at the contrast, and felt his nipples pebble against the chill of the wall.
“Tilt your hips, please?”
Grian did as he was asked, and was rewarded with fingers prying his cheeks apart, soapy and warm and positively divine as they started rubbing over his hole. He let out a shuddering moan when he felt them breach him, arching his back further into the feeling.
“Ah - more, X,” Grian said, panting as the admin moved slowly inside him, two fingers languidly stretching him out.
“Already?” Xisuma replied, pressing soft kisses to the skin of his upper back.
Grian chuckled breathlessly. “Don’t worry, I can take it. Mumbo used to take me dry, sometimes, back when we first got together.”
Xisuma made a small noise, as if his breath had been punched out of him. Grian blinked his eyes open and gave him a look over his shoulder.
“You okay?”
“Yes,” Xisuma said, sounding a bit faint. He was still fingering him at the same gentle pace. “I just… even if the two of you used to do that, it’s still been a long time, Grian. I’d rather prep, just to make sure I won’t hurt you.”
Grian smiled at the admin’s nervousness. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I haven’t done that since… oh, what day’s today?”
A third finger was circling his hole, now, and Grian let his eyes fall shut again, moaning at the tease of it. He barely heard Xisuma’s mumbled, “May 2nd, I think,” but when it registered, Grian gasped happily.
“Oh! That means the anniversary is coming up, how exciting… but yes, I guess it’s been more than a year since I took anyone dry. Good thinking.”
Xisuma paused for a second, before continuing, three fingers now, curling them and making Grian’s breath catch in his chest.
“Right. The… anniversary. Do you have any plans? Gonna go off world, or something?”
Grian’s face was flushed as Xisuma kept stretching him, periodically pausing to rub teasing circles into his prostate. “Don’t know yet,” he panted. “I wonder if Mumbo has anything planned…”
Xisuma’s fingers slammed into his prostate, causing Grian to squeal as his dick dribbled liberally at the white-hot spike of pleasure.
“I’ll make sure to keep him out of trouble,” Xisuma murmured, sounding distraught, but before Grian could question him, his fingers were pistoning in and out of him, and Grian happily let the heat carry his thoughts away, bracing himself against the shower wall as Xisuma made his toes curl.
—
Mumbo did have something planned for their wedding anniversary. Grian had asked him about it, if they should make any plans together, but his husband simply told him to hold the day open, and that he’d take care of everything.
Grian was only happy to let him.
The hermits grew more and more tense as the day crept closer, and Grian desperately wanted to know why. Were they excited for them? Anxious about Mumbo’s plans? Xisuma did promise to keep Mumbo out of trouble, so maybe the others knew something that Grian did not?
Well, whatever it was, Grian trusted Mumbo. His husband knew him better than anyone, after all.
And so came May 23rd, and Grian was woken up to the sound of his mail system chiming happily, letting him know that Mumbo had sent him a physical letter. A smile widened on his face as he got out of bed - of course his spoon of a husband would remember how excited Grian was at the prospect of them living close enough to send each other physical things.
In the output chest for his mail, a letter and a red rose was waiting for him. Grian carefully picked up both, and he read the letter with his heart pounding in excitement.
Dear husband,
It would please me greatly if you’d do me the honour of joining me on a trip to New Hermitville today. I have arranged for a picnic, followed by minigames - all ending in a candlelit dinner in Falsewell this evening. Once there, I have rented us a room there where we can recreate our wedding night.
Love,
Your husband Mumbo.
Grian was smiling from ear to ear, even as he blinked happy tears out of his eyes. Gosh, his husband was just the sweetest. What a lucky man Grian was to have him.
The picnic had been brilliant - fresh fruits, breads and wine and cheese, as well as strawberries, hand-fed to him by his sweet husband. Grian didn’t think he could be more in love than he was.
The time spent playing minigames went by in a flash of laughter and cheeky flirting, giggling in between kisses in dark corners of the gaming district as the two of them made their way around.
Then, finally, it was time for their candlelit dinner. Mumbo got the keys to their room from False, who was looking at them with an unreadable expression that Grian easily ignored, too busy making heart eyes at Mumbo as he followed his husband to their room to freshen up before dinner.
The sun was just starting to set when the two of them sat down at the restaurant - both of them dressed smartly, Mumbo in his suit, and Grian in a white shirt and red vest. Mumbo gazed deeply into his eyes, cheeks red as he took him in across the table, and Grian’s cheeks hurt from smiling so much.
He opened his mouth to say something—
And that’s when everything went to shit.
“Ahem.”
Grian startled in his seat, head swivelling towards where the voice had come from - only to blink rapidly at the sight of every hermit, standing by the far wall of the restaurant.
Mumbo was gaping, so Grian knew this wasn’t a part of his husband’s plans.
“What’s going on?” Grian asked, once he found his voice.
“This,” Xisuma said, clearing his voice as he took a step out of the gaggle of hermits, “is an intervention.”
Grian’s eyes widened. “What? Why?”
Stress also took a step closer to where they were seated. “Grian, dear… isn’t today your wedding anniversary?”
His mind was buzzing, and he shot Mumbo a helpless glance. His husband seemed just as confused as him. “Yes?”
“Then…” Stress said, wringing her hands, “why are you spending it with your ex?”
Grian’s jaw dropped.
Finally, Mumbo managed to pick his jaw back up from the ground. “Wait, what?!”
Iskall walked up and placed a hand on Mumbo’s shoulder. “Listen - it’s fine if you two want to try and make things work between you again, but Grian should spend his wedding anniversary with his husband. This… this is not healthy, Mumbo.”
And Mumbo was back to gaping like a fish on land.
Grian shook his head, fighting against the shrill laughter he felt bubbling up his throat. “I should spend my anniversary… with my husband.” His voice was a bit flatter than he’d hoped, but it was better than laughing like a madman.
Doc shrugged apologetically at him. “Yeah - or, at least, if that wasn’t possible… you shouldn’t be spending it with your ex.”
Grian gestured towards Mumbo. “And what do you think I am doing?”
Blank faces stared back at them. Tango’s voice piped up from somewhere in the back, “...what?”
Grian felt something in him snap. His eyes were wide, and a small, serene smile curled at the corners of his lips. He turned slowly towards Mumbo.
“Dearest? Honey? Light of my life, honeybunch, sweetness? Mind telling me why the hermits seem to think you’ve broken up with me, oh dear husband of mine?”
Mumbo visibly paled.
“Yeah, Mumbo,” Doc spoke up, sounding just as eerily calm as Grian did. “Why do we think you’ve broken up with Grian if you had, in fact, married him?”
A nervous chuckle escaped Mumbo’s lips. A drop of sweat trailed down his temple. His eyes fluttered frantically between Grian and the group of hermits staring them down. “I don’t know? I… I know I told them you were my boyfriend, Grian—”
Grian felt his smile twitch. “But not your husband?”
“No!” Mumbo protested, hands flapping in the air as if to wave the very notion away. “No, I - I did! I know I did.”
“Mumbo,” Cleo said, sounding exasperated. “You told us that Grian was no longer your boyfriend.”
Mumbo nodded frantically. “Yeah! Because he’s my husband now!”
Grian’s smile twitched again, and this time Mumbo noticed, paling even more. “Mumbo ‘Killsalot’ Jumbo, I think it’s time to change your name.”
“O-oh?” Mumbo laughed nervously.
“Yep,” Grian said, forced fake smile in place as he nodded. “Because you’ll be Mumbo ‘Sleeps On The Couch A Lot’ Jumbo after today.”
—
“So… Mumbo is married.”
“Yep.”
“To Grian.”
“Uh huh.”
“That we thought he’d broken up with.”
“Yes.”
“And we thought Grian married someone else the same day.”
“Yeah, that’s right.”
“Because Mumbo replied ‘Grian is no longer my boyfriend’ when we asked how his boyfriend was doing in preparation for the move.”
“Got it in one.”
“Oh stars. I need a nap.”
“You and me both, buddy.”