Archive of Our Own

In the weeks after the Ice Court job, Wylan realized this was the first time in years he’d had the chance to be truly happy. He had Jesper, he had his mother back, he had a place to live and friends by his side. He was safe. There was no one trying to kill them (at least immediately), and there was no father looming over his shoulder, watching his every move and waiting for him to fail. Wylan was happy, he really was.

But beneath the happiness, there was something else, something deep in his mind telling him this was all a dream that could shatter at any moment. No one could really love him—why should they? He should leave, run before they grew tired of him, run before anyone could get angry. He wasn’t accustomed to safety or peace. He was used to fear, to chaos, to waiting for another scolding, another blow to land.

He was perfectly fine one moment, then spiraling into panic the next. Sometimes Nina would let a door slam just a bit too hard, or Matthias would speak just a little too loud. Sometimes Jesper would move to wrap his arm around Wylan’s shoulder, and he’d flinch away, memories of pain from his own father’s hand flashing through his mind. Wylan knew in his heart none of them would ever hurt him. They were friends, the best friends he’d ever had. The only ones, really. But that didn’t stop his mind from searching for something to fear, just waiting for this happiness to be taken from him.

And so when Wylan woke to find the spot next to him in bed empty, his first instinct was to assume the worst. When he’d fallen asleep last night, Jesper had been beside him, the sound of his gentle breathing (and occasional snores) filling Wylan’s ears. But now, the mid-morning sunshine was streaming through the windows, and Jesper was nowhere to be seen. Must have gotten up early, Wylan thought, trying to calm his racing mind. He’s probably just downstairs. Maybe he wanted to let me sleep in. There were lots of perfectly reasonable explanations for Jesper to be gone. Gone without saying a word.

Wylan dragged himself out of bed. If he was going to see what Jesper was up to, he needed to get ready for the day. He pulled on a sweater, splashed some water on his face, and ran a hand through his messy curls. Good enough. Leaving the bedroom, he noticed the whole house felt oddly quiet. Usually Nina and Matthias would be awake by now, cooking breakfast and laughing far too loudly. Well, Matthias did most of the cooking. Nina was more responsible for the laughter. They’d had to make a rule that Nina wasn’t allowed to cook alone anymore—there were a few too many incidents of burned waffles and almost-fires.

When Wylan came downstairs, the kitchen was empty. And so was the dining room, the living room, the guest room, the garden—he even checked the music room, though it was rare for anyone else to be in there. The panic in his chest increased with every empty room as he walked through the whole house. As his last stop, he knocked on the door to Nina and Matthias’s room. Maybe they’re still asleep. He didn’t want to wake them, but he was starting to get worried. Wylan’s knock went unanswered. He opened the door carefully, in case they were still here, but found the room empty. And not just empty of people. Everything was gone. Their clothes and trunks, Matthias’ books, Nina’s drawings of Ravka—all missing. The bed was made, the pillows arranged, and the curtains drawn. It looked exactly as it had the day Wylan moved into the Van Eck mansion: tidy and depressing. Like his friends had never lived here at all.

They were here just last night. What could have happened since then? Kaz and Inej had come over for dinner, they’d laughed and talked, told stories of home, and gotten more than a bit drunk. Kaz and Inej had walked home to the Slat, despite several offers from Jesper and Wylan to spend the night. But everyone else had stayed, going back to their rooms. Nina was leaning on Matthias’ arm as they climbed the stairs and Jesper was right by Wylan’s side, still grinning and laughing at the night’s jokes as they climbed into bed. And now they were gone. All of them.

At this point, Wylan knew something was wrong. What if they’d been captured? What if someone was hurt, or worse? What if they just finally got tired of me? Wylan cut himself off before he could go too far down that path. There could still be a very normal explanation for this. But if his friends were in danger, he needed to get moving. He decided to head to the Slat first, where he could hopefully find Kaz and Inej. Jesper was there occasionally as well, helping out with Dregs business or just visiting. It was the best place he could think of to look for them. So he pulled on a coat and boots, and headed to the Barrel.

~~~~~~~~~~

Head up, Wylan reminded himself as he walked down the streets. That was what Kaz always told him. He had to act confident, or he’d look like a target. Wylan felt anything but confident right now—his mind and heart were racing with anxiety, all the things that could have gone wrong circling through his thoughts. But he wouldn’t let it show. He couldn’t. He walked with his shoulders back and chin up as if he owned the place, all while keeping an eye on his surroundings. No more surprises today.

As he crossed into the Zelver District, something caught his eye. No, not something— someone. Two someones. He turned back just after passing a coffee shop on the street corner, a little Ravkan cafe he’d visited a few times with Nina. And there she was. He saw her and Matthias sitting at a table near the window, talking and laughing over plates of waffles and mugs of coffee. He let out a short sigh of relief. At least two of his friends were safe. And if Nina and Matthias were here, calmly eating breakfast, maybe everyone else was alright too. But why was their room empty?

A bell jingled lightly as Wylan entered the cafe, ignoring the waiter’s greeting and heading straight for Nina and Matthias’ table. “Nina! Matthias! Are you all okay? Where is everyone? I… I woke up, and the house was empty, and Jesper’s gone, and your room—” Wylan paused mid-ramble, noticing neither of them seemed particularly worried about what he was saying.

“Oh. Hi Wylan,” Nina said, taking another sip off her coffee. “We’re just fine! Not sure where Jesper is, but you know him, he’ll turn up.”

“Right. Okay,” said Wylan, cautiously. This wasn’t like Nina. “But where’d you take all your stuff? I went to look for you all and the room was empty. Did something happen?”

“Jesper didn’t tell you? We’re leaving for Ravka today,” Matthias said.

“No! Jesper didn’t tell me! I haven’t seen Jesper. And wait, you’re doing what?” Wylan was completely lost at this point. Since when were they going to Ravka? He knew Nina had been talking about it, but no plans had been made as far as he knew.

“We’re going to Ravka,” Nina repeated. “I’m ready to go home. Though it will be interesting to see how everyone in the Little Palace reacts to me bringing a drüskelle along.”

“Former drüskelle!” Matthias corrected.

“I’m not sure Zoya will see much of a difference,” Nina laughed. “She already hates you. But she’ll warm up.” Nina took hold of Matthias’ hand across the table, and he smiled, both of them seeming to forget Wylan was even there.

They’re leaving for Ravka. Without telling me. Without saying goodbye? Wylan stuttered as he tried to form his next words. “Y-you’re just going to leave? Just like that? You didn’t think I might want to know?”

“We figured you’d be happy to have us out of the way,” Matthias said. “Now you can have your house back, without us there to bother you.”

“You weren’t bothering me!” Wylan nearly shouted, the anger he’d been holding back rising to the surface. But he took a breath and calmed his voice before he spoke again. “You weren’t bothering me. We like having you around. I like having you around. But I guess if you want to go home, Nina, you should. It just—well, a little warning would have been nice.”

“We didn’t want to make it too hard on you, Wylan. That’s why we just told Jesper,” Nina said, still only looking at Matthias. “But, since you found us, now we get a chance to say goodbye.” Nina finally turned to him. “Goodbye, Wylan. Maybe we’ll come back to visit some day.”

“Bye, Wylan,” Matthias added quickly.

Wylan could feel tears welling up in the corners of his eyes, threatening to fall. But he was not going to cry. Not here. This is why they didn’t tell you. “Bye Nina. Bye Matthias. Enjoy Ravka, I guess.” His voice was shaking. Matthias gave him a pat on the shoulder, and then Wylan turned towards the exit, nearly tripping over a chair as he tried to escape.

By the time he’d made it to the street, the tears were falling. He couldn’t stop them anymore. He ran and found an alley to hide in, collapsing onto a pile of half-broken crates as sobs shook his body. They were leaving. They were leaving without him, traveling across the sea where Wylan might never see them again. And they weren’t going to tell him. They were just going to leave, with nothing but a message given to Jesper, who he couldn’t even find. And it hurt. It hurt so much he wasn’t sure how he was going to keep going. He thought these people were his friends. But friends shouldn’t disappear in the middle of the night, shouldn’t move across the sea without saying goodbye. Then again, Wylan had never had any real friends, so maybe he wouldn’t know.

Maybe they really were just trying to protect me. Or maybe, Wylan realized, something else was wrong. Maybe they didn’t want to leave, but something was forcing them to. Or someone. The panic from this morning returned as he realized they might not be as safe as he thought. He needed to find Jesper. And Kaz, and Inej. One of them had to know what was going on. Wylan wiped the tears from his eyes with his shirt sleeve, then brushed himself off and started back along the street. He needed to get to the Slat.

~~~~~~~~

Every time Wylan entered the Barrel, he could feel the energy of the city change. The streets grew a bit dirtier, a bit louder, a bit more crowded. Vendors called for customers, beggars asked for spare kruge, and gang members prowled the streets, guarding their establishments. He thought he even saw flashes of someone running across the rooftops. But he never could get a good look. Maybe it’s Inej? Or maybe that was wishful thinking.

Soon the looming shadow of the Crow Club came into view. Wylan relaxed a bit as he entered more familiar territory. The black walls and shining silver crow guarding the entrance to the club set it apart from the bright colors of the other gambling halls. He stopped for a moment at the entrance, nodding to the Dregs member guarding the door. What was his name? Pam? Pim? He’d only met the other man in passing; Wylan didn’t spend much time with the rest of the Dregs. He wanted to resume his trip towards the Slat, but something was keeping him here, some gut feeling that he needed to go in. Sometimes Kaz was here during the day, monitoring his business. It might be worth a shot.

He slipped through the door and into the club, where he found a mostly empty parlor, with only a few patrons drinking and playing cards around one of the tables near the bar. It was mid-morning, which wasn’t usually a busy time for the gambling halls. But past the lone group of card-players, sitting alone in the back corner of the club, was a familiar face. “Jesper!” Wylan nearly shouted as he ran towards him.

Jesper finished his drink in one gulp and slammed the cup back onto the table. His eyes were rimmed with dark circles and his normally neat dress shirt was a wrinkled mess. The joy Wylan had felt at seeing him was quickly replaced with concern. “Jes, what happened? What are you doing here this early?”

“Well, I was playing cards. But I ran out of coin and they cut me off, so now I’m just drinking.” Jesper’s speech was slurred and he sounded exhausted. Wylan hadn’t seen him this bad in… well, maybe not ever. Sure, Jesper had gotten drunk, and he’d had a couple relapses into gambling. But he always came home, apologized, and fixed himself up. He was doing so much better. Until now.

“Jes, it’s morning. How long have you been here?”

“Dunno. Don’t really care, either.”

“You don’t care? I was worried about you! I woke up and you were gone!” Wylan said, anger creeping into his tone. He snatched the empty glass from the table, bringing it back to the bar. “He’s done,” Wylan said to the bartender before pulling a wad of kruge out of his pocket and setting that down as well. “This should be enough to cover the tab. Keep the rest.” The bartender nodded gratefully, taking the glass and the money. Wylan stalked back over to Jesper’s table, then sat down, taking a deep breath.

“Jes, you can tell me if something’s wrong. You don’t have to just come here and try to drink it away. You can talk to me. Or Inej, or Kaz, or Nina—well, I guess not Nina anymore.” Wylan’s shoulders sank as the weight of the morning set in again.

“See, this. This is the problem,” Jesper said, waving his hand towards Wylan. “You just want to waltz in here and fix everything. Some of us can’t be fixed, Wylan.”

Wylan was surprised at the sudden bitterness in Jesper’s voice. “I—I’m not trying to fix anything, I… I just want you to know I’m here to help you, if you need it.”

Jesper snorted. “Sure. You just want to help, so you can make me all nice and pretty for your fancy mercher life.”

“Jes, that’s never been—”

“You really think I want to be with you? I can see what you’re doing. You’re using me. You need someone to read for you, to help you manage your perfect little business.”

Wylan was stunned into silence. Jesper had never, not once, tried to make him feel guilty for that. He’d promised over and over that he didn’t mind reading, that he wanted to help Wylan, that it was what friends were for. What partners were for. I’m useless. I’m useless, and he’s finally noticed. But he didn’t know how to respond. How could he?

Jesper let out a laugh. It was a cruel laugh, not like the loud, bright laughter Wylan was used to from him. “And look, now the all-powerful mercher can’t speak either. You really think someone could love you, when you treat them like this? I’m done, Wylan. I’m done with this.” With that, Jesper pushed his chair back and stood, stumbling a bit as he walked to the door.

“Jesper, wait, I—” But Wylan stopped. He was already gone. This is what you deserve. His father’s voice was taking over his thoughts, reminding him how worthless he was. No one could ever love you like this. Wylan curled up and laid his head down on the table, face covered by his arms, so that the only outward sign of his pain was the slight shake of his shoulders as he sobbed, again. Weak. Pathetic. Alone.

At this point, Wylan didn’t care about finding anyone else. He just wanted to go home. So he started the long walk through the Barrel and back to the Geldstraat. As soon as he left the Crow Club, he saw another flash of movement on the rooftops. He definitely hadn’t imagined that one. Before he got a chance to process this new information, Inej was standing in front of him, pulling off the hood she wore as the Wraith.

“Go to the Slat. Kaz wants you for a job.” Inej said, bluntly

“Oh, uh, hi Inej.” Wylan cleared his throat to stop his voice from trembling. “What kind of job—does it really have to be me? It’s not a good time.”

“Wylan, I don’t have time to explain everything to you. Pull yourself together and get moving. Kaz doesn’t like to be kept waiting.” With that, Inej turned away and disappeared almost as quickly as she had arrived.

Wylan cursed under his breath. Today just keeps getting better. He was done. To hell with Kaz and his schemes, he was going home. Whatever they were planning, it could wait. Nina and Matthias were off to Ravka, Jesper was leaving him, and Kaz and Inej obviously only wanted him because he was useful. The sense of belonging, of friendship, of family that he'd felt for these few brief weeks was gone. Maybe it never should have been there in the first place. He was being used by them just like his father. The Dregs wanted a demolition expert and a mercher's son for collateral. His father wanted an heir. But as soon as he stopped being those things, he would be tossed away. This is where trust gets you. A back alley in the Barrel, alone, and even more broken than before.

But a small scrap of hope forced him to hesitate before leaving the Barrel behind. Maybe he hadn’t imagined his friendship with Inej, the trust Kaz had placed in him. Maybe Nina and Matthias had their reasons, maybe Jesper was just facing demons of his own. Wylan decided to give them one more chance.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Wylan. Good, you’re here.” Kaz was sitting at his desk, both hands folded over the top of his crow-headed cane. Inej was perched in her usual spot on the windowsill, polishing one of her knives with eyes still fixed on him in the doorway. Nina was sitting on the old, moth-eaten couch by the window and Jesper was leaning against the far wall, arms crossed and clearly much more sober than he’d been this morning. This was not the scene Wylan had been expecting.

“Matthias, the door please,” Kaz ordered, his tone calm but commanding. Matthias stepped out from the corner of the room and placed himself between Wylan and the door, the lock clicking as he pushed it closed.

This wasn’t right. Nina and Matthias were supposed to be on a ship. And Jesper? Wylan didn’t know what Jesper was up to, but certainly didn’t think he’d be involved in whatever Kaz was planning. The room was eerily still. They were all staring at Wylan, as if waiting for him to make the first move. So he started with what he knew. “Inej said you needed my help for a job, Kaz.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “And the rest of you made it pretty clear you didn’t care much for speaking to me right now. So I’d appreciate a bit of explanation as to what all this is.” Wylan gestured to the gathered Crows with his last statement. It was long past time for answers.

Kaz was the first to speak. “The Wraith was right. Though, it’s not exactly your help that I need.” He tapped his fingers on his cane as he spoke. “I received a very interesting offer from a certain mercher. Well, former mercher. Someone who was very interested in you.”

It took Wylan a moment before understanding set in. No. He was supposed to be in jail. They’d made sure of that at the auction. Or at least, that’s what he thought. “My father,” Wylan said, bluntly.

“Your father,” Kaz repeated. “Our dear Jan Van Eck apparently scraped up enough money for bail, from Ghezen knows where. But I have it on good faith that a few members of the Merchant Council might still be sympathetic to his cause, and they’ve made me a very interesting offer.”

“An offer that involves me, I assume.” Wylan felt his stomach twist in fear, his heart pounding in his chest. He hated how much power his father still had over him—how just the mention of him free again pushed Wylan to the edge of panic. But this is Kaz. Kaz, who had sent Dregs to protect him in the Barrel, Kaz who helped him tear down his father’s empire, Kaz who reminded him he wasn’t weak, or stupid, or worthless. Kaz wouldn’t sell him out to Van Eck after all that. Or would he?

Wylan swallowed before gathering the courage to speak again. “And what kind of offer would that be?” Kaz smiled at this, but it wasn’t the mischievous grin Wylan was used to seeing while a scheme took shape. It was darker. A cruel, twisted smile that reminded him of his father, watching from the doorway as Wylan left for a school at which he was never meant to arrive.

“What are they giving you for me? Money? You already had the chance at the Van Eck fortune, you didn’t take it then. What’s so important now?” Wylan tried in vain to keep the tremor out of his voice. He couldn’t go back to his father. He wouldn’t.

“Oh, nothing quite so mundane,” Kaz said, rising from his chair with his cane clacking on the ground as he moved towards Wylan. “No, I don’t need Van Eck’s money. But having the Merchant Council on my side? Now that would be something.” No. Kaz was actually going to do this. He was going to sell Wylan out; send him back to his father. He’d be alone again. No. He needed to get out of here, now. Wylan bolted towards the door, only to be blocked by Matthias’s imposing form.

“You’re not going anywhere, merchling,” said Matthias, his icy gaze cutting through the last of Wylan’s composure. This isn’t right. This isn’t right—this shouldn’t be happening. But it was. It was happening, and he was trapped.

Wylan!

He thought he heard a voice in his head, calling his name. Now you’re imagining things. Focus. He could still escape. Wylan made sure he always had one more trick—ironically, something Kaz had taught him. He reached into his pocket, searching. His hand closed around a small glass vial. Hopefully it would buy him enough time to get out.

Wy, listen to me.

There it was again. The voice. He couldn’t afford to think about this now. He pulled the vial out of his pocket, but Inej called out as he was moving—“Nina!” They’d seen it coming. And then he couldn’t move. As Nina raised her hands, reaching out with her powers, Wylan’s body froze. He could feel his heart slowing in his chest, his vision beginning to blur.

You’re safe now, it’s okay.

He wasn’t safe. He didn’t think he’d ever feel safe again. If he couldn’t trust his friends, trust Jesper, or Kaz, or any of them, then who could he trust? His vision was quickly fading as his pulse slowed further, his body losing the ability to fight. “Nina—Nina, please,” Wylan managed to gasp as he fell to his knees. The Heartrender ignored his plea, her hand raised as she squeezed her fist closed.

Wy, she’s trying to help. Let her help you. You’re going to be okay.

He wasn’t safe, he wasn’t okay, and it really didn’t feel like helping. Wylan felt like he was dying, probably because he was. He looked up one last time, gazing right into Kaz Brekker’s piercing dark eyes. Help me, he pleaded silently. Help. Kaz shook his head once, the cruel grin spreading across his face once again. And then he was gone. Everything was gone. Wylan’s vision collapsed into the darkness.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Nina dear, we need to get going.”

“I’m trying! There’s something keeping him asleep, but his heart is still racing. Maybe if I can get him to calm down… Jesper, help me.”

A hand took hold of his.

“Wylan, I’m here, you’re okay. We’re going to get you home. C’mon Wy, wake up. Please?”

Wasn’t he already awake? His mind was foggy at best.

“Someone’s coming!”

“We’re out of time. We need to move.”

A crash. A gunshot. Strong arms lifted him up. Running.

“It’s ok Wy, I’ve got you. We’re gonna get you home.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“Jesper, you have to try. I can’t do anything else until we get the drug out of his system.”

“What if I mess up? What if he gets worse? I can’t— It’s… it’s Wylan!”

“Jes. You can do this. You’re the only one who can help him.”

The hand was back, resting gently on his chest now. It felt strangely warm. Then warmth spread, traveling through his skin and into his veins. He felt a tugging sensation, as if something was pulling at his heart. And then the fog lifted.

Wylan jolted awake, coughing violently. Jesper quickly wrapped an arm around his back, holding Wylan up as the fit died down. “Wy! You’re awake! I—are you ok? How are you feeling?” Nina approached the bed as well, reaching for Wylan’s wrist, but he jerked his hand away.

What were they playing at? They’d tried to kill him just moments ago. Wylan could still feel the cold pressure that had filled his chest when Nina tried to stop his heart. He guessed they decided he was worth more alive after all.

Wylan pushed away Jesper’s arm, sitting up and pushing himself off the bed. His bed. Why were they at his house? Was this another cruel joke? It didn’t matter. He needed to get away. He stumbled as he tried to take a step. His mind was still muddled and his head was spinning. Nina caught him before he fell, then tried to push him back towards the bed.

“You need to rest, Wylan. They gave you some sort—”

“Don’t. Touch. Me.” Wylan growled, pulling his arm out of Nina’s grasp and heading for the door. With each step, he grew more steady, and more bits of memory returned. The lies. The pain. The broken trust. He couldn’t take this anymore. He wouldn’t. He ran out of the bedroom and started down the stairs, ignoring Jesper and Nina’s worried shouts. They don’t really care for you. They never did. He saw Matthias standing in the kitchen as he turned the corner.

“Wylan! You’re up, how—wait, what’s wrong?”

Wylan didn’t stop, didn’t pause to answer the question. He needed to get out. He ran through the dining room and into the entry hall, flung open the front door, and let it slam shut behind him. But he couldn’t stop yet. They still knew where he was. They could still find him. He didn’t know where to go, but it wasn’t safe to stay. So he just kept running.

~~~~~~~~~~

He may have kept running forever if it weren’t for Inej. Wylan had made it halfway to West Stave when suddenly she dropped down in front of him, stopping him in his path. Her hands were raised in front of her as if in surrender. “Wylan, please, stop for a minute. Tell me what’s going on!”

“What’s going on? What’s going on?!? You were in on it too, I shouldn’t have to explain anything.” Wylan tried to shove past her, but she held strong.

“Please, Wylan. Whatever you remember happening, I think we might have some answers. You were drugged.”

That got Wylan to pause again. Inej took a step back, leaving him some space. “So Kaz drugged me? This is a dream?”

“Kaz? What? No, it was some mercenary working for your father.”

“Kaz is working for my father!” Wylan shouted, garnering some looks from others on the street. “I thought you’d be the first to know,” he hissed, trying not to attract any more unwanted attention.

“Wylan,” Inej said, as gently as possible. “Kaz isn’t working for your father. I know he’s done some, well, horrible things, but he’s the most loyal person I’ve ever known. He would never betray you like that—any of us. We’ve been through too much together.”

“That’s what I thought too. But—”

“It was a hallucination. Whatever happened, it wasn’t real.”

“It felt real. It felt very, very real. Nina and Matthias said they were leaving, Jesper was drunk, you brought me to the Slat, and Kaz. Kaz—he, he had me trapped. You all did. He told Nina to kill me and then…” Wylan didn’t know how to continue.

“Oh Wylan, I’m so sorry,” Inej said, her eyes full of sympathy. Whatever she’d been expecting from him, it wasn’t this. “But, I promise it wasn’t real. You got captured, and drugged. It took us two whole days to find you, but we never stopped looking. I don’t think Kaz even slept while you were gone, he was so focused on getting you back. Nina or Jesper could probably explain it better than I can, but it was some sort of hallucinogenic variant of jurda, that’s probably what kept you asleep and trapped in the dream. It was a dream, Wylan. You’re safe now.”

“Am I?” he asked. “Because it seems to me you all are pretty good at lying. You could still be trying to kill me.” He wanted to believe Inej, he really did, but their betrayal felt far too much like reality to dismiss.

“Wylan, if we wanted you dead, I could have killed you the moment I found you. Knife to the throat. Quick and easy. And if Kaz wanted you as a captive, he could have drugged you again while you were asleep. Or just had Nina keep you under,” Inej said. “But none of that happened, did it?”

“No,” Wylan said, reluctantly. She made a good point. They’d all had plenty of chances to kill him, but they hadn’t. Maybe Inej was telling the truth. Maybe it was worth the risk to find out.

“Then will you come back home? Everyone’s waiting to see if you’re alright. Jesper’s been worried sick.”

Jesper. Would Jesper really be happy to see him, or was there some truth in what Wylan had heard from him? But he believed Inej, then that was all a dream. You’re using me, he’d said. You really think someone could love you, when you treat them like this? The words still stung. He felt tears prick in the corners of his eyes again, but tried to push them back.

Inej noticed, despite his efforts. She looked at him with sympathy and held out her arms. Wylan collapsed into her embrace, the tears finally beginning to fall. “It’s going to be okay, Wylan. Everything’s going to be okay.”

They stayed like that for several long moments. Eventually, Wylan broke the silence. “We should probably get going, shouldn’t we?” Wylan asked, using a handkerchief to wipe his tear-stained face. He noticed Inej’s eyes weren’t entirely dry either.

“We should,” said Inej, and they started down the Geldstraat.

~~~~~~~~~~

When they pushed open the door to the Van Eck mansion, the first thing Wylan saw was Jesper, pacing across the kitchen, hands shaking with nervous energy. Matthias was leaning against the counter, apparently trying to calm Jesper down but without much success.

“Jesper. It’s going to be okay, Inej will find him. She knows every corner of this—” Matthias stopped mid-sentence as he noticed Wylan and Inej in the doorway.

“Hey, Jes, hey Matthias” Wylan said, voice shaking slightly. “I’m back.” Jesper froze for a moment as he took in Wylan’s presence. Then he rushed towards the door, ready to wrap Wylan in a hug. But he paused again when he saw the look of apprehension on Wylan’s face. Not yet.

“Wy! You’re back! Are you alright? What happened? Did they—” Jesper said, but he was speaking so fast the words were hard to make out.

“A lot. A lot happened. Can we–can we talk?” Wylan said, glancing at Inej and Matthias. They took the cue and headed upstairs. Jesper looked even more nervous now, but moved to the kitchen table. Wylan joined him, collapsing into a seat. Now that he was home, the adrenaline of the morning faded and the exhaustion from the past days set in. But he couldn’t relax just yet. He still needed some answers.

“So…” said Wylan, combing his hand through his hair. He wasn’t sure where to start.

“So…?” prompted Jesper, equally anxious. He was fidgeting with a scrap of metal he’d pulled from his pocket, bending and coiling it into shapes that should have been impossible.

“Can you—can you tell me your side first? Inej said I got kidnapped, but I can’t remember anything after dinner, well—I guess three days ago.”

“Right, uh, sure.” Jesper’s hands stilled for a moment. “We went out that night, going over to the Crow Club, but—well, we got jumped. Just before we made it to the Barrel. I had my pistols, I tried to take them out, but there were too many of them, and they had some sort of armor—it was all my fault really, I thought I could keep us safe but I wasn’t fast enough, and then they took me down and—” Jesper’s words were tumbling together again, and his voice was shaking with the threat of tears.

Wylan rested a reassuring hand on Jesper’s arm. “Jes, it’s okay. Slow down.”

Jesper took a deep breath, calming himself enough to continue. “Right. Right, okay. They knocked me out, so I’m not sure exactly what happened, but obviously they took you and left me. Inej found me unconscious, one of the Dregs reported the commotion and it was enough for her to figure out where we were. Once we made it to the Slat and I explained what happened, Kaz did his Kaz things and either bribed or tortured enough people to get some leads. Honestly, I didn’t ask how he did it. I was… a bit preoccupied. Didn’t really know what they’d done to you.” Jesper started choking up again at this, and Wylan gave his hand a squeeze as he continued.

“That was—that was enough for us to figure out it was Van Eck. Between tracing some purchases and a tip from one of Nina’s Grisha contacts, we figured out where you were being held. We broke our way in with the usual flair, and then found you. But, it wasn’t really you. You were screaming at us and thrashing around, I think you were still dreaming, and we couldn’t wake you up, and Nina had to knock you out so we could get you home, and then I had to try to use my powers and pull the drug out, and then you still didn’t wake up, and I thought I’d killed you and—” Jesper’s rambling was cut off by another choking sob.

“Jes, you didn’t kill me. You probably saved my life, I’m here now.”

“S-sorry, you’re the one who got kidnapped, and here you are trying to comfort me.” They both laughed a bit at that. “Do you want to tell me what you saw? It might help.”

Wylan paused, considering for a moment. He really didn’t want to live through the whole ordeal again, but he still had some questions. If his brain had made all of that up, it had to come from somewhere, and he needed to be sure that ‘somewhere’ wasn’t grounded in reality. So he told Jesper everything.

He hesitated again when he reached their argument at the Crow Club. “Seeing you like that scared me, Jes,” Wylan admitted. “You were drunk, and bitter, and the things you were saying— that I was worthless, and manipulative, and using you… well, you sounded like… like him.”

“Like your father.” Wylan nodded, head sinking into his hands. “I swear if I ever get my hands on that bastard, he’s going to wish he was never born,” Jesper growled, hands reaching towards his pistols almost without notice. But he paused. Now wasn’t the time for revenge, that could come later. Jesper took a deep breath and continued, voice calm now. “Wy, love, look at me.” Wylan raised head, tears staining his freckled face. Jesper took the other boy’s hands into his own. “You’re not worthless. You’re not stupid—in fact, you’re probably the smartest person I’ve ever known. And we’re friends with Kaz Fucking Brekker, so that’s saying something.”

That got a snort from Wylan, and Jesper continued. “You’re not using me either. I’m your partner— business and otherwise. We work together, and you help me with more shit than you could ever know. If I was unhappy, if this wasn’t working, I’d tell you, okay? You’re brilliant, and kind, and the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I’ll remind you every day until you believe it too. I love you, Wy. I love you so much.”

They were both crying again, but this time it wasn’t from fear or sadness. Jesper held out his arms, a silent question in his eyes. Wylan leaned into his embrace and they stayed there, holding each other close until the tears dried up. Now Wylan was truly home.

~~~~~~~~~~

The others joined them after a while, and they moved to the living room where many more hugs and reassurances were exchanged. Nina and Matthias promised they’d be staying right here for now, and when they did plan to return to Ravka, everyone would know.

“At the very least we’d need to have an extravagant going-away party,” said Nina. “With waffles, of course. Right, Matthias?”

“Of course, my love.” said Matthias, wrapping an arm around Nina’s shoulder and planting a kiss on her forehead.

“Get a room!” called Jesper from his seat on the couch.

“You’re one to talk!” said Nina, gesturing towards Wylan, who was laying in Jesper’s lap with eyes half closed.

“Yeah, well, Wylan just got kidnapped, so it’s different.” Jesper pulled Wylan closer, carding his hand through the other boy’s ruddy curls.

“It’s true,” Wylan mumbled, yawning. “I get to do whatever I want.” They all laughed, falling into a companionable silence.

Inej broke the silence a while later, noticing the general exhaustion around the room. The last glow of sunlight was fading, leaving the room in a dusky haze. “We should get some sleep. It’s been a long day.” The others nodded and began to file up the stairs, Jesper pausing to pull a sleepy Wylan off the couch. But before the two started towards the stairs, Wylan heard the distinct sound of someone clearing their throat. He turned to find Kaz, who’d hung back, waiting for everyone to leave.

“Wylan, a moment?”

Wylan nodded, pausing. “Go on, I’ll meet you upstairs Jes.” Jesper continued up the stairs, leaving them alone. Wylan watched Kaz carefully, waiting for what he had to say. Kaz had been largely silent this evening, which wasn’t completely unusual but still unexpected after the week’s events.

“Inej and Jesper told me a bit about what happened in your dream,” Kaz said, carefully. “About what I did… or, I suppose, what you thought I might do.” Wylan stilled, the memories all too fresh—the wicked glint in Kaz’s eyes, the way all the others had followed his every command. “I know the others have reminded you as well, but I wanted to speak to you myself. I would never work with Van Eck. What he did to you, what he tried to do to you—it’s unforgivable, for you and for me. You’re one of my Crows now, and Crows protect each other.” Then, in typical Kaz fashion, he turned and started up the stairs without waiting for a response, the clack of his cane on each step echoing through the house.

Wylan stood there, stunned and trying to process the last few minutes. He’d never heard Kaz openly admit to caring about him, or any of them, really. Well, except maybe Inej. You're one of my Crows now. These words from Kaz, his conversation with Jesper, and the reassurances of his other friends couldn’t silence the demons that lived in his mind whispering about his worthlessness, especially after the last few days. But they could certainly quiet them. He started up the stairs and then to his room and into bed. Jesper pulled him close as he laid down, and Wylan drifted off, comforted by the steady sound of Jesper’s breath. He wasn’t alone anymore. It might take some time to find true happiness, to fully allow himself the luxury of trust, but Wylan felt confident that someday he would.