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“Good morning, baby.” Alex said as she prepared to catch the small toddler about to jump onto the bed.
“Mommy!” The small girl squealed, happy to see her mommy after her sleep. A small chocolate retriever followed the child into the bedroom and sat on the floor next to the bed, waiting for them both to move and make their way to the kitchen area.
Alex took that as a hint to move and eventually climbed out of the bed with the child in her arms. She looked back towards the bed when she had got out and still felt the loss. No one was ever able to fill the space that Maggie left. Alex had tried but no one seemed to click with her and understand her like Maggie did.
Now, a few years after their breakup, the space next to her in bed would often be taken up by a 4 year old if she woke up excruciatingly early, or she was having a bad dream, or if she felt sick. Alex adopted Jamie when she was 2 and watched her grow from a helpless infant into a curious toddler. Jamie learnt more about the world each day and each day she would provide Alex with a new question about it. Today’s question was induced by Jamie watching the morning news from her place seated on the kitchen worktop whilst Alex was making them breakfast.
“Mommy...” Jamie said, a question already in her voice.
“Yes, Jamie.”
“What is P-R-I-D-E?” The infant asked, her eyebrows crinkling more when spelling out the words in phonetics as she hadn’t fully grasped saying certain words yet, especially those she has rarely seen or focused on before.
“Pride,” Alex first established, which earned a nod from the 4-year-old, then turned towards the TV where the news was talking about the Pride parades happening today. Alex had to think about how she would approach this subject for a child to understand. “So y’know Mommy used to have a close friend.”
“Kay?” Jamie asked.
“Yes. Well that was Mommy’s girlfriend. So Kay and I were in a relationship. Do you know what that is?” She received Jamie’s head shaking in return. Alex sighed before trying to continue on how to establish this, maybe Kay wasn’t the best example seeing as Jamie only knew her for a few months when she first came into Alex’s care. Jamie wasn’t dumb, it just took her longer to understand certain things. “Okay so remember when you seen Auntie Kara and Auntie Lena kissing once and you found it gross?”
To that memory, she received a nod and a scrunched face.
“Well, that’s because they are together.”
“Like friends? Like me and Billie?” Jamie asked, starting to get somewhat excited.
“No, honey,” Alex chuckled a little at that question. Billie was Jamie’s friend from down the hall and Alex knew her mother, Beth, since she had moved to this apartment block. “They are girlfriends. They love each other.”
“So 2 girls can love each other?” Jamie questioned.
“Yes they can. I like other girls, in a more than friends way. So does Auntie Kara and so does Auntie Lena.” Alex further explained.
“Does that mean I will like girls more than friends?” Jamie asked when pressing her index finger to the centre of her chest. Alex chuckled at the mannerism and the slight mistake within the question.
“You can if you want to. Or you can like boys. Or both. Or other people who may not be girls or boys.” That made the crinkle appear between Jamie’s brows, but Alex wasn’t going to get into that conversation right now. “You can like whoever you like Jamie, but you don’t need to figure it out just yet, okay?”
“Okay.” Jamie simply answered with a smile.
Alex finished up their breakfast and looked over at Jamie, who was transfixed on the TV. Anyone who was looking at her face would think she was watching a kids TV show or the newest Disney film. But no, her kid was transfixed on the morning news about pride. Kinda made sense. An idea then sprung into Alex’s head.
“Hey Jamie,” Jamie slowly turned her head to face her mommy and nodded, “Do you wanna go to that parade today?” Alex asked, nudging her head toward the TV so the child knew what she was on about. With one more look towards the TV and seeing all the people with different colours and flags and outfits, Jamie turned back to Alex and nodded enthusiastically.
“Rightio, quickly finish your pancakes and we’ll go and get ready!” Alex said, encouraging the child to finish her breakfast.
Getting Jamie changed provided more of a challenge than usual. Jamie was full of excitement for the day and the child’s loveable curiosity also increased. She was asking Alex all sorts of questions about the parade event, some of which Alex didn’t even know the answers to. Alex had only been to one parade since coming to terms with her sexuality, and that was with Maggie. She was either working or didn’t feel up to going, and soon enough she had a child to deal with too. Jamie was adamant in having small rainbows on her cheeks and taking her rainbow striped blanket that she can “use as a cape”. She was also wearing her top that Kara got her that said “i love my mommy” in rainbow letters with some black leggings. Alex decided to pair some black jeans with a red top as she, unsurprisingly, didn’t have anything rainbow or multicoloured in her wardrobe.
Luckily the parade wasn’t too far away from where Alex lived, and so the pair of them and Gertrude, who was wearing a rainbow neckerchief that Alex managed to get, walked up to the main event. There was a small fair lining majority of the streets which consisted of games, food and drink trucks and other amusements. Many people had turned up for this event and there was an array of outfits across the crowds.
“Stay close to mommy, okay?” Alex told Jamie, who was bouncing on her toes next to her. She looked up and nodded in response. Alex knew that these people weren’t dangerous, they all looked friendly. But still, she was still on edge a little and also she didn’t want to lose her small child in a massive crowd.
They started to make there way around the different stalls, some had games on that Jamie practically begged to play, so most of Alex’s money went on a variation of games that Jamie, albeit trying her hardest with her tongue slightly sticking out, mostly lost. She managed to win some and on one received a white teddy bear that had a rainbow heart on its stomach. On some she won consolation prizes which mainly consisted of sweets; Alex was not looking forward to that sugar rush later.
Gertrude padded alongside the both of them and often looked around to assess the area. She was a highly protective dog of Alex, and even more so when Jamie came along. Alex was initially surprised by how good the pup was when Jamie came into their home. The child was 2 and unaware of the world around her. She was quite unsteady on her feet from being a late walker and so Alex was cautious about how Gertrude was around her. But the pup would stay with the infant as much as possible and Jamie took comfort in her. Alex ended up putting Gertrude’s bed in Jamie’s room because the pup would often make her way to Jamie’s room in the night to sleep next to her bed. Whenever Jamie was sick, Gertrude would curl up next to her on the couch and make sure she was comfortable.
Jamie let out a squeal when seeing the donut stand and tugged Alex’s arm whilst pointing to it. “Mommy, look!”
Alex looked over towards the truck and rolled her eyes slightly. This kid had such a sweet tooth that Alex knew she was gonna be hyper for the rest of the day. She made her way over to the stand with Jamie next to her and ordered some donuts and drinks for the both of them. Behind the counter was Mia, who worked frequently at Noonan’s and was friends with both Alex and Kara, and most of the Super Family. Mia was quite young and joyful. She used to always give Jamie a free small milkshake whenever she first came into the cafe and still does sometimes now. She had also babysat Jamie a few times before when no one was available and Alex was called out on work. Jamie jumped up to see Mia (she was too small to see over the top) who waved at the child she had created a bond with.
“Hiya!” Mia greeted the both of them. “I’m guessing by that face,” she pointed to Jamie’s cheeky grin, “That you want donuts?”
“Yes please.” Alex answered.
Alex and Mia got into conversation about the parade and celebration. After a few minutes, Mia turned around to grab their freshly cooked donuts and turned back to the counter, “Rightio JJ,” Mia said, using her nickname she said for Jamie, “Here you go.” She leaned forward on the counter slightly, with Alex looking to her right, to find that Jamie was not where she was standing all of 5 minutes ago.
Alex whipped her head to the other side quickly but only seen Gertrude, who was now stood at alert. She quickly looked around and couldn’t see the small girl. “Jamie?” Alex said, wondering if she was just hiding or playing. There was no response, and Alex felt her heart rate increase.
“Where’d she go?” Mia asked.
“I- Uh- I don’t know. Can you help me?” Alex asked, to which Mia didn’t even hesitate and told her coworker to take over when she climbed out of the truck and joined Alex’s side, slightly stroking Gertrude’s head.
“Split up?” Mis asked.
“Yeah, uh- You go that way,” Alex pointed to the right of the crowd, “I’ll go this way.” She says, pointing in the other direction.
There was a musical dance just starting, the music was loud and practically the whole crowd was joining in, so it would be even harder to find her. This couldn’t be worse.
“Jamie!” Alex shouted.
No response.
Minutes went by.
“Jamie!” Mia shouted.
No response.
More minutes went by.
“Jamie!” Alex shouted.
No response.
More minutes went by.
“Hey!” Alex heard a young voice and whipped round to see a girl, who was holding the hand of a little girl with a rainbow blanket wrapped round her.
“Jamie.” Alex sighed in relief and crouched down with her arms open to catch the child running towards her. “Thank you so so much.” Alex said, looking up to the girl. She had dark brown curly hair and lightly tanned skin. She wore black frame glasses that covered some of her facial freckles. She stood up and clutched Jamie’s hand, who didn’t seem completely bothered about the fact she practically went missing for almost half an hour.
“I think she probably strayed away and got caught up in the crowd. She was next to this face paint stand that was next to the dessert stand me and my mom were at. She kept looking around and looked upset, so we asked who she was with, she said her mommy, that she didn’t know where you were and that she wanted donuts?” The girl said questioningly and pointed towards the bag that Alex was still surprisingly holding, to which made them both chuckle a little. “She told us that you were wearing a red top, and so I went with her one way and my mom went the other way to look for you. I heard you shouting Jamie and seen the red top so figured you were the one.” The girl smiled when looking at Jamie and Alex. Mia then joined their side and smiled towards the girl.
“Mommy?” Jamie said, to which Alex looked down at her with a smile in response, “Does she like girls too?”
Alex chuckled slightly in response and then quickly told her, “Jamie. That’s not something to say to a stranger.”
“No, it’s okay,” The girl laughed, “I do.” She smiled towards Jamie. “And I like boys too.” She added.
Jamie crinkled her eyebrows but then smiled, remembering the rest of the conversation Alex had with her this morning.
“Heidi!” A female voice called out from behind where the girl was standing. A shiver ran down Alex’s spine as the woman then jogged her way towards them and stood next to the teen, “Oh- Uh-“
“Hey so I found Jamie’s mom,” Heidi explained, pointing her flat palms towards Alex as if to present her. Alex was just stuck looking at Maggie, not knowing what to do, or say. She was brought back when Jamie tugged her arm.
“Uh, thank you, Heidi.” Alex said, “Thank you so much.”
“Oh don’t just thank me, Maggie was the one who spotted her first.” Heidi explained, obviously not wanting all the credit.
“I, uh-“ Alex was about to thank Maggie, pretending as though they didn’t really know each other. But then she remembered what Heidi had called Maggie earlier.
She was next to this face paint stand that was next to the dessert stand me and my mom were at.
Alex then frowned at Maggie, and, not wanting to make a massive thing out of it, politely asked to speak to Maggie to the side, away from prying ears. She made out that it was about how to repay them both, but that wasn’t her true intention.
“So, uh, hi.” Alex said, not really knowing how to start this conversation.
“Hey, you okay? I’m glad we found her and that she’s safe becau-“
“You have a daughter?” Alex interrupted, just jumping to the main point of this whole conversation.
“Uh, yes. I do.” Maggie stuttered whilst placing her hands in her back pockets, a realising the main point of Alex’s questioning, “Look, I didn’t want kids, and I haven’t grew a 16-year-old in the space of 5 years.” Maggie tried explaining.
“But she’s still a kid...” Alex stated, emphasising her confusion.
“Alex,” Maggie sighed, “I took her in 2 years ago. She was a 14 year old girl who had watched her parents and little brother get killed in front of her. I didn’t fully know her situation but I was once a 14 year old with practically no family. I offered her a place for the night or they were gonna send her to a shelter whilst she was still shaken up. One night turned into a week, which turned into a month, and after that month I signed for foster papers. After that came the adoption, or else they were gonna stick her in care. Alex when we broke up, I didn’t want kids. But a helpless teenager needed help, needed my help. I wasn’t gonna turn away from her.”
“But you turned away from me?” Alex grasped onto the last part of that.
“We were both under the impression that we wanted different things and that neither of us were changing our minds. I’m glad you didn’t, by the way.” Maggie turned to look at Jamie, who was with Mia and Heidi, and was telling Gertrude all about her little “adventure”.
“I adopted her two years ago too.” Alex stated, “I didn’t have another relationship to last long enough to want kids with them and I found out that I can’t carry a child.”
“I’m sorry, Alex.” Maggie said, reaching her her hand out towards Alex’s, who didn’t move and relaxed into the touch.
“It’s fine, I’ve got Jamie now.”
“And Gertrude?” Maggie asked, a slight amusement in her question.
“And Gertrude.” Alex confirmed, smiling as she nodded.
“I’m happy for you, Alex.” Maggie’s voice was full of sincerity.
“Thank you, I’m happy for you too. Heidi seems like a great girl.” Alex returned with a smile. There was a moment where she wanted to kiss Maggie. Where it felt like old times that they were stood in the street, or back to their first Pride event together and Maggie pulled Alex to the side for her to calm down a little from the overwhelming event and told her that it was okay, and that she was proud of Alex.
Alex decided against it and turned back to the girls waiting for them, Mia had gone back to the food truck and Alex made a mental note to message her to thank her later. She was going to suggest that her and Jamie go home and watch movies whilst eating the candy she had gotten from all the games earlier, but it seemed the child had other ideas.
“Mommy...” Jamie said, dragging out the last sound that Alex knew all too well that the kid was about to ask for something and hope for the answer of yes.
“Yes, baby.” Alex answered.
“Heidi said that we can go the park party!” Jamie said, bouncing on her toes.
“I, uh, I didn’t say that we could. I said that my mom and I were going and she asked if she could come and I told her to ask you.” Heidi quickly explained, not wanting to be seen as though she was going to take the child without permission.
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, I’ve already lost you once today, and the park may be even more crowded.” Alex said, her worry kind of taking over.
“But we have Heidi and her mommy now,” Jamie said, trying to find reasons they can go, “They’re our friends now!”
Alex smiled a little at that, and looked over to both Maggie and Heidi, in question as to whether they could join them, who looked at her and nodded. “Okay then.” Alex answered her daughter, who squealed and grabbed Heidi’s hand (which obviously melted both Alex and Maggie’s hearts).
They all walked towards the park together, it was quite a long walk but the weather wasn’t too harsh, so it was bearable. Less bearable for a 4-year-old who then had to be given a piggy-back from Heidi. Alex also had to applaud Heidi, not only was she giving Jamie a piggy-back but she was listening to the child practically not stop talking. Alex knew what tangents the child could go on and how her imagination sometimes ran away with her, so she could probably predict how jumbled Heidi’s brain was right now. Alex and Maggie walked behind them, with Gertrude attached to her lead that Alex was holding. They just made general chat for now, not wanting to get into anything too deep.
They soon arrived at the park and there was many people there. There were a couple stalls and trucks scattered around and all sorts of stuff going on. Many people were sat on blankets on the grass and talking amongst themselves. The celebrations were still continuing.
Jamie, now off Heidi’s back, was hugging Gertrude and taking in the surroundings. Alex was stood next to them and texting Kara that they were staying out longer, whilst also texting Mia to thank her for earlier.
To the side, Heidi was smirking and folded her arms, nudging Maggie’s side. “So that’s Alex?”
Maggie whipped her head so fast to the side to face the teen that she may have whiplash, “What?” She had never told Heidi that it was Alex.
“Oh please, I knew straight away. The way you stuttered and the way you guys looked at each other blew your whole random woman found lost daughter cover up. I just can’t believe you gave up that,” She looked towards Alex who was laughing with Jamie, Maggie following her eye line, “for a disagreement that you guys obviously don’t have any more.” Heidi stated.
Before Maggie could respond, they were joined by Jamie, who wanted to go on the ferris wheel.
“My mommy said to ask if you can go on it with me, because she feels icky at the top.” Jamie explained.
Heidi looked towards Alex who just shrugged innocently and then held her hand out to Jamie, “C’mon then.”
Maggie stepped closer to Alex to fill the gap that Heidi left. Gertrude was now lying down on the grass, her beloved small companion now playing with her new friend. Alex and Maggie made some sort of telepathic agreement to both sit on the grass too, they were on a little hill so were careful to not fully fall down.
“Icky at the top?” Maggie asked, brushing the grass from her hands.
“The way those things swing? It’s more unstable than Kara flying under the influence.” Alex joked, to which Maggie laughed at - a sound that Alex had missed.
“So, uh, I wanted to say something...” Maggie started.
“What’s up? And before you apologise or say how this may be awkward, it’s not. Our relationship was a long time ago and we separated on mutual agreement. We both have our separate lives now and it’s okay, so don’t be sorry for that or for this or for her.” Alex explained.
“No it’s uh- Actually about her. Heidi. She said something to me that made me realise something.” Maggie said, with a deep level of seriousness about her.
“Okay...” Alex answered, quite concerned about what her ex-fiancée was about to say.
“Well, like you said we split on mutual agreement. And that mutual agreement was because I didn’t want kids and you did.”
“Mhmm.” Alex simply responded, making Maggie aware that she was intently listening.
“Alex, my daughter and your daughter just went to go on a ferris wheel together. We both have kids.”
“Yes we do.” Alex simply answered.
“Are you not following?” Maggie asked, unsure as to whether Alex was understanding what she was trying to get at here.
“A little but I-“
She was cut off by a kiss. Maggie’s lips pressed to hers and her hands cupping her face. Alex found herself calming into the kiss, it felt familiar and safe. Alex liked familiar and safe.
Maggie pulled away after a few more seconds and looked Alex in the eyes, “Getting it now?”
“I’m getting that because the reason we broke up is no longer a reason we broke up, that there’s no more reasons for us to still be broken up.” Alex explained.
Maggie smiled and nodded, “Exactly.”
“Are you sure? Maggie I know that some things I did weren’t exactly perfect and I don’t wanna go through this again for either one of us to end up hurt all over again. And now we have kids to think about too.” Alex doubted. She never doubted her feelings for Maggie, but she also wanted to protect her heart, and a large part of her heart was now in a 4-year-old’s body.
“I did shitty things too, neither of us are exactly perfect. We’ll figure it out as we go and, to be completely honest, I already love your kid.” Maggie’s dimples shown when she smiled again. She then did that little held tilt to try and read Alex’s face, and that head tilt won Alex over all the time.
“Well, your kid is also very loveable, although she can deal with Jamie’s sick at the top of that wheel, I don’t think the child has stopped eating today.” Alex laughed.
“So you’re sure?” Maggie asked.
“I’m very sure.” Alex confirmed, before cupping Maggie’s cheek and kissing her. “I wanna be a family with you.” She whispered, and then continued the kiss.
“Hey, look!” Jamie shouted as she shook Heidi’s arm with one hand and pointed towards where Alex and Maggie were, “My mommy is kissing your mommy!”
Heidi smiled and soaked in the moment. It looked like she was finally getting the family she lost, and she couldn’t have been happier with them. She knew how much pain Maggie had been in the past couple years, and she learnt that she never truly got over her relationship with Alex. Nights where the two of them would stay up late and Heidi would talk about her family and Maggie would talk about hers, and she always used to include the Super Family and Alex. They were her old family that she broke away from, and now they can be her family, and Heidi’s family. Heidi was brought out of her thoughts when she heard Jamie start to speak,
“Does that mean your mommy likes girls too?”