Work Text:
[5:42pm] Maki
[5:42pm] MAKI
[5:42pm] he's here AGAIN
Under the flickering fluorescent lights of the laundry room, Toge clutched his phone and leaned back against the wall. The late afternoon sun shone through the window, magnified times a thousand, superheating the tiny little room. Sweat stuck his shirt between his shoulder blades, even with the door propped open.
Toge should have gone back outside, but the moment he’d closed his machine and gone to do so, he showed up.
The guy was tall and well muscled, and cut a striking figure in his white button down. The way it had been rolled up to his elbows showed off his strong looking arms, and a few buttons had been loosened at his neck to beat the heat.
In less gross weather, he wore little pastel sweater vests, with colorful pins in the lapels.
That was what had first caught Toge’s eyes—who in their right mind did that? And why was it oddly alluring on this stranger, counterpoint to the strong lines of his jaw, cotton candy colors and whimsy versus the heavy bruises of eyebags that Toge was starting to think were just a feature of his face, not a result of poor sleep.
Currently, though, Toge had shuffled off to the lonely bench bolted to the floor in the corner of the room. The guy was standing in just the right place to block the one exit to the laundry room, and Toge would rather sweat it out than have to push by him.
It wasn’t that he was…intimidating. For the most part. Toge just…didn’t…
Well, he was too awkward to do it.
After almost a full year of run ins in the laundry room, they had yet to so much as exchange a greeting. Toge knew that was mostly his own fault—a wave got a hello across well enough, but if it went further than that, what was he supposed to do? Actually conversing with people was not his strong suit, and he didn’t want to thrust that awkwardness onto the handsome stranger—
Fuck, handsome.
Toge had been doing mental gymnastics to avoid acknowledging that for a while. This was a weird guy, who wore pastel sweaters and pins of little smiley suns and flowers—and once, as far as Toge had seen, a happy little snowman tipping his tophat.
He was weird, so weird, and yet…he seemed alluringly unbothered by how people could perceive him. He had to be, couldn't possibly have a self-conscious bone in his body if he wore what he did. And he always handled himself so very precisely, folding t-shirts and sweaters carefully the moment he pulled them from the dryer—always right there in the laundry room, unlike Toge who would hastily shove his into his hamper, ready to beat a hasty retreat.
Toge’s phone buzzed in his hand, and he went to open it, scowling only a little beneath his mask as the camera failed to recognize his face. He itched to take off his mask, and would have already if he was back in the comfort of his own apartment, but even if he was sweating underneath it, there wasn’t a chance in hell he’d take it off down here. Even if he was sure Mr Sweater Vest wouldn’t care one bit. Probably wouldn’t notice, just like he never seemed to pay Toge any mind.
He punched in his passcode to get to his texts.
[5:47pm] Shocking
[5:47pm] Sometimes people need to do laundry, I know that’s foreign to you.
His scowl deepened.
[5:47pm] I do my fucking laundry
[5:47pm] how do you think I’m always running into him?
[5:48pm] Oh, I forgot. You just don’t put your clothes away.
He’d be embarrassed if Maki didn’t have a point. He practically lived out of his hamper, gathering up the handful of shirts and such in his rotation after they’d been discarded onto the floor at the end of the week.
Toge heard the groan of the dryer stirring to life, and watched from the corner of his eye as the guy walked toward the door. He hung in the doorway for a moment, shoulders sagging as he finally caught the breeze from outside, which never seemed to quite permeate the stagnant laundry room. He loosened the neck of his shirt some more, maybe even undid another button, though Toge couldn’t see it from where he sat, and made his way outside.
Unashamedly, Toge ducked to watch as he skirted by the pool through the window, and then disappeared around the corner—probably off to go through the gate and then toward the opposite side of the apartment complex.
Unless he went to the gym. He probably did, though the idea of him doing so dressed in his sleek button down was funny at best.
Regardless. If Toge was fast on his return trip, he could gather his own clothes before the guys dryer cycle ended, and he could avoid another moment of cautious sidestepping between the two of them.
Toge liked that his job had minimal interaction with customers. Or well, even though it literally was customer service, he didn’t have to actually hear anyone. Hiding behind a little chat box on his computer, asking probing questions about what precise problems someone was having with their smart watch, was always going to be infinitely better than what Maki dealt with.
“...he stopped cursing me out at that point, and then he seemed like a pretty reasonable guy. But seriously, who the fuck starts like that. It was seven am!” she said, obviously still irritated about her first call of the morning. Against all odds, as she stepped into the doorway, a familiar shape appeared in the way. His broad shoulders were barely hidden beneath the cling of a simple navy t-shirt—so odd, when Toge didn’t think he’d ever seen him in anything but a button down or sweater vest.
The guy startled back a step reflexively, eyes wide as they took in Maki’s imposing shape, the scowl that melted off her face to something more neutral, and then surprisingly ticked over Toge in her shadow. “Hey,” Maki said with a small nod as she stepped right around Mr Sweater Vest. He blinked at her in surprise, lips quirking into a nervous, distracted smile.
“Sorry,” he murmured, tucking himself a little further out of the way.
Maki didn’t wait for another word. She grabbed Toge’s arm, like she'd sensed when he skittered to a halt beside her. It wasn’t like he was actually intimidated—but he didn’t think he’d ever gotten this close to this guy, and it wasn't exactly on purpose. He was just as tall as he was broad, and pastel sweaters aside, his well muscled arms were…a lot. He might even be a match for Maki.
“You said you dealt with some idiot this morning also? ” she signed roughly, drawing away from Toge just enough that he could see her hands.
“Not anything like yours, " he answered promptly. "Not sure I can top that one. ”
Toge’s skin was crawling, and he had a really good idea why. He paid a really quick glance back at Mr Sweater Vest, and knew before their eyes met that that was exactly what would happen. He was staring at Toge with open curiosity, and it took him a moment to realize why—he’d seen Toge signing. Most people had questions at that point, but Toge didn’t have the energy to entertain each and every person who decided that that was fascinating.
The guy's eyes were the deepest blue Toge had ever seen, and he didn’t back down when their eyes met. It seemed odd, considering all the sparse little interactions they’d had over the last year. This guy didn’t do eye contact, had hardly ever turned his face enough to look in Toge’s direction. It was almost like he was seeing Toge for the first time. A tiny smile flickered across his lips, but then he seemed to recall himself, and the expression faded. He ducked into the laundry room hastily, leaving Toge to be tugged away by Maki.
It wasn’t like he was intentionally in the laundry room whenever Mr Sweater Vest was in there.
It didn’t seem to really matter what time or what day Toge went in there. Eventually, their wash times always seemed to sync up. It had never happened before with anyone else in the apartment complex, and Toge had lived here for almost five years. He seriously went six whole months without meeting his own next door neighbor.
Granted, he hardly ever left his apartment, but that was beside the point.
So, if he was there on a random Tuesday night and the guy walked in, Toge couldn’t be held accountable for the coincidence. He walked right by Toge to the machine on the end that he usually occupied, and unceremoniously started dumping things in.
Toge didn’t mean to watch, but something caught his eye. Something…green? He stared, trying to work it out. Directly in the middle of the guy's back, marring the otherwise pristine white of his button down, there was a tiny, child sized handprint, in what Toge had to assume was green paint.
So he had kids, then. Seemed logical, honestly, with his pastel sweaters and friendly little pins. He had a soft, steady sort of presence; Toge could haphazardly say he almost had some sort of dad vibe, if he had to guess.
The guy turned toward him and Toge ducked back over his phone, leaning against the table while he waited the last few minutes out on the dryer. Someone kept taking his clothes out and leaving them tossed on the table, and while this was a time slot where logically no one would be around, almost 10 at night, he wasn’t taking risks.
Toge peeked over again as the guy turned back to his machine, closing it and setting his cycles. He patted down his pockets, and Toge fleetingly wondered if he should try and communicate something about the handprint. The guy really didn’t seem to know it was there. It would be neighborly of Toge to say something.
The pat down the guy was giving himself became somewhat more frantic, in a way Toge was familiar with. The where the fuck is my wallet sort of pat, which was followed by—yes, the pocket turn out. He looked up so suddenly that Toge didn’t have a chance to pretend he wasn’t watching. There was a flustered little blush on his cheeks, the most emotive Toge had ever seen him, and it flamed brighter when he realized he really was being watched. He turned and hustled out the door of the laundry room at the same time Toge’s dryer buzzed, presumably hurrying back to his apartment to grab his wallet.
Toge stuffed his clothes into his laundry bag and turned to leave. He wanted to be gone before Mr Sweater Vest got back, to save him the embarrassment of having someone witness his unfortunate blunder from start to finish.
Only, well.
Toge doubled back across the room and stood next to the guy's washer. He glanced over his shoulder, idly rubbing his nose with his wrist through his mask. He dug into his pocket and pulled out his wallet, rifling through it for his card. Trying not to really think about it, he jammed it into the little card reader on the machine, warily watching the door while it processed.
The cardreader chirped at him cheerfully, and he pulled his card out, stowing it quickly. He hit start on the machine, hoping the guy hadn’t intended to adjust the settings any more, and pitched his bag over his shoulder. He hurried on out of the room, not wanting to have yet another run-in with Mr Sweater Vest before he got away. He really didn’t want to have to deal with him offering his thanks, or god forbid asking him why he’d helped out.
It was just penance for not saying anything about the handprint. Toge was being neighborly, in his own way. Nothing else.
It was something innocuous and small, for sure, but after a day of continuous mild inconveniences—a brief power outage and unstable internet disrupting him while he was working; snagging his favorite mask on the door handle and tearing it; his cat, Panda, scratching through the screen on the porch…nothing monumental, but each addition twisted tension between his shoulders, made him clench his jaw harder.
He was getting a headache.
He was out of detergent, now.
It was still not the worst thing in the world, far from it, but he leaned against the edge of the machine he’d claimed, morosely shaking the bottle and hoping to get anything from it. He’d already paid and the washer was half filled with water before he’d registered that the bottle was empty and not just low , and he’d kick his past self for holding onto it rather than chucking it.
With a huff, he tossed it across the room, but not even his perfect shot into the garbage bin felt satisfying when he was left to figure out what to do with this load of dirty and now soaking clothes.
“Um.” Toge froze at the sound of a cleared throat, and knew what he’d find even before he turned. He looked hesitantly toward the door, and met Mr Sweater Vest’s ridiculously blue eyes as he stepped into the laundry room. He took in the situation quite quickly—evidently, Toge’s irritated expression was easy to read, as was the bottle that had been pitched by the open door in front of him. He set his basket down on the table, and turned to face Toge fully. “Did you run out? ”
Wait.
He could…sign? The surprise on his face must have also been easy to read, but the guy didn’t comment on it. He only offered Toge a good natured smile as he waited. After a pause that was almost unbearably awkward, Toge nodded slowly, not entirely believing what was happening. “Use some of mine? ” Without waiting for a response, he reached into his basket and pulled out a bottle, holding it out.
It was a stupidly simple gesture, probably just because Toge had paid for his wash the other week, but it still made him pause. The normal thing to do would be to say yes and thank you and not make a big deal of it. But Toge had been actively avoiding talking to this guy for over a year, and he could sign the whole time? Like it would have been that simple the entire time? Things like that just didn’t happen to Toge.
“Uh,” the guy started, a nervous tick tinging his smile, and Toge could feel the rush of blood to his cheeks as he burst into a blush. He nodded quickly and closed the distance between them, reaching for the proffered bottle of detergent, and then ducked awkwardly back toward his machine. He measured out the liquid and tried not to feel his skin crawling under the guy's gaze.
He closed his washer loudly, the lid coming down with a little more force than necessary under his shaky hands, and turned back toward the guy. He couldn’t quite look up high enough to meet his gaze again, and just handed back the bottle of detergent. The guys lips were still quirked into that little patient smile, and Toge was staring directly at them. He wanted to sink directly into the floor, or maybe crawl into a free dryer, taking up residence and not be found.
“Thank you, ” he signed stiffly, hoping his hands didn’t shake too much.
“Of course. ”
And…that was that.
The guy turned to the machine he usually used and dumped his clothes into it, apparently entirely unbothered by the fact that Toge was staring holes into his back awkwardly. He set his machine, measured out his detergent, and paid—he’d remembered his card this time, it seemed. He shot a cursory glance around the room as he grabbed his basket and walked to the door, throwing a polite little wave in Toge’s direction. He didn’t wait for a response before he exited—going right, passing the window like always—completely unmindful of the fact that he’d just turned each and every one of Toge’s thoughts upside down.
It was kind of embarrassing how long Toge had put off washing his clothes at this point. It wasn’t like he was avoiding going down there. He wasn’t actively trying not to end up running into Mr Sweater Vest, who was handsome and who Toge could probably actually have a real conversation with, now that it was confirmed that he could, well, actually communicate with Toge without resorting to charades and passing notes.
It was raining, though, and had been for the better part of the last week—miserable, wet, ugly weather, honestly. He wanted to put off leaving his nice, warm apartment for another day. He’d been snuggled up in blankets and sweats on the couch, with Panda curled up in his lap, both of them trying to beat back the encroaching cold.
He couldn’t though. Even by his own standards, things needed to be washed. And if Maki was coming over tomorrow, like she’d implied she would be doing, he’d literally never hear the end of it if he didn’t at least try to clean.
Even knowing that he would inevitably be there, because he always was, Toge still had a brief moment of disbelief when he found Mr Sweater Vest sitting in the laundry room. It was weird to find him actually sitting in the corner on the bench. Except for that one time Toge had been too awkward to push by to leave the room, he’d never seen anyone else ever use the stiff bench, not when there were far more enjoyable seats out by the pool, just outside the laundry room.
Granted, it was raining now, but still. The point still stood.
Toge tried not to stare and went to a free machine to dump his clothes in. He paid the guy a tiny glance as he measured out his detergent—only slightly wondering if he would make a comment about it this time, some pleasant small talk now that they had confirmed their ability to mutually communicate. They hadn’t seen each other since Toge had run out the other week.
There was a heavy frown on Mr Sweater Vest's face, and he seemed…
Toge turned his attention back on his machine, switching the settings and swiping his card while he thought. The guy seemed genuinely distressed, a heavy frown pulling at his lips, and Toge wasn’t really sure how to navigate that. It wasn’t like they really knew each other, but Toge had been through his own bouts of existential panic, and knew a kind shoulder helped so much, even if it was only for a little while. He hit start on his washer, the buzz rattling through the room as the cycle began.
Toge pocketed his wallet and hesitantly crossed the room to stand by the guy. Any thoughts of hightailing it out before either of them said anything vanished as he really took in the way the guy was sitting, hunched with his elbows on his knees, head in his hands. It was awful and miserable and something sympathetic clawed its way through his chest; Toge didn’t want him to feel whatever he was feeling anymore.
He coughed softly, the sound scraping through his raw throat, but getting his point across. The guy looked up slowly in confusion; the dark circles under his eyes were more pronounced, perhaps now actually indicative of a lack of sleep. “Do you need to talk?” Toge asked. He was honestly a little surprised at his own boldness. The guys' brows knit together in deeper confusion. “You look like you need to talk.”
He straightened up self-consciously. “Uh.” He ran a hand fretfully through his hair—greasy, when it usually looked silky soft and clean. Toge wasn’t sure when he’d had time to really notice that in the past, but it was what it was at this point. Maybe he’d been paying more attention to Mr Sweater Vest than he’d initially thought. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to worry, I’ll be fine, ” the guy signed shakily.
“Okay. ” Toge waited while he processed that. “I'd like to still listen, though? And like actually…I just can’t...really...talk. If that makes it easier? I really mean listen.”
The guy blushed faintly, his surprise reined in cautiously. “Oh, um. I guess I shouldn’t have assumed.” He looked down, hands cupped together between his knees. He rubbed an anxious thumb over his palm, lips turned into a frown. “My best friend was in a car accident?” he offered quietly, words almost washed away beneath the sounds of the rumbling machines.
“Oh.” The guy glanced up as the sound slipped passed Toge’s lips.
“She’s—she’s alive,” he said hastily, hands shooting up. “I don’t mean like—just—it’s—”
That was relatively better, but still. Toge was signing before he caught up with himself. “Do you want tea?”
“Tea?”
Toge didn’t invite people over ever, with the exception of Maki—but she really just did what she wanted regardless of his wishes. He never actually invited her over, she just bullied her way in when she showed up. Under the guys confused gaze, Toge’s will to voluntarily invite someone over was waning, quick as could be. This would be a bad idea, but—“You just look like you need…something. Can I help?”
“No, you don’t have to…” His words stumbled to a halt, and he seemed to really look up at Toge. His shoulders sagged briefly as he sighed. “Yeah, actually. Okay. That might be…nice. I could really use…yeah.” He made no motion to get up, though, just stared tiredly. “I never introduced myself,” he said stiffly, like the idea had just snuck up on him. “Yuuta Okkotsu.”
“Toge Inumaki,” he offered.
“It’s nice to actually get to meet you, Toge.” He smiled, the expression just a tad strained around his obvious frazzled exhaustion.
Toge nodded and gestured for Yuuta to follow him, draping his empty laundry bag over his shoulder as he went. Yuuta hauled himself up after a moment, body unfurling to his full height. He opted to grab his laundry basket from the table, and then trailed after Toge like the world's largest dejected puppy.
Yuuta didn’t say anything, and that alone was enough to turn unease in Toge’s stomach. He hated the idea of having company over for this exact reason. He couldn’t just chatter idly to fill the silence, and he was always uncomfortable to be put in situations where he’d have to try.
As though he could sense the thread of tension, Yuuta cleared his throat. “I just moved here last year,” he said. “I’ve been so busy with work, I never really got around to talking to anyone else in the complex.” Toge shot a look up at him, leading him toward the gate to the left of the laundry room, skirting long ways around the pool. “There’s the lady from C78,” Yuuta said musingly. He shot an expectant look in Toge’s direction, eyebrows raised and waiting for his response. Toge just frowned at him, unsure, and Yuuta seemed to read the question on his face. “The serial dryer stealer.”
Serial dryer stealer?
Toge fumbled with the latch on the gate, feeling more confused than before. “Is that why my clothes were always on the table still wet?” he asked sharply once he’d gotten through. Yuuta nodded, following him and guiding the gate closed gently behind himself, so it wouldn’t slam shut. The soft mist of rain was starting to bead water droplets in his dark hair, the puff of his breath visible in the air. “I knew I wasn’t late getting back.”
“No, you’re usually there right before your machines go off,” Yuuta said, the faintest of smiles on his tired face. Toge wasn’t really sure how to take that—that the guy was paying attention to him? He had to be, at least a little, if he was aware of Toge’s laundry room habits.
“Stalking me?” he asked offhandedly, as familiarly as he would with Maki, and immediately wished he could take it back when Yuuta’s eyes went wide in horror. “I’m joking, ” he signed hastily. “I’m sorry, I’m not— ” Toge faltered. “I don’t really talk to people a lot. ” His gaze skittered away from Yuuta. “It’s really okay if you don't want to actually come over. This is probably really weird. I’m really not good at—this.”
“No no, it’s okay.” For a second, he extended a hand, like he was thinking of touching Toge’s shoulder, gentle and soothing. His fingers retracted abruptly. “I could really just…use some company, I guess. I need a distraction.” Toge nodded and led Yuuta down the little path that wound around to the side of his building, crossing the edge of the parking lot.
The closer he got to his apartment, the more the doubt seeped in about having Yuuta over.
Maki was one thing; he’d known her for years, and he knew she literally didn’t care, even if she would bitch about the state of his apartment. They'd lived together. He couldn't do anything to surprise her. But with someone he didn’t really know? He dragged his feet on the way up his stairs, and paused outside his door.
“Um,” he said awkwardly, the tiny utterance sharp in his throat. “Would you mind…waiting outside?” he asked, hoping his pleading expression gave away enough. “I wasn’t expecting company, and I need a minute to… ” He fished for an explanation that wasn’t please let me get rid of my dirty dishes, but honestly couldn’t think of one. “Just one minute, I’m sorry. ”
He opened his door and squeezed in before Yuuta could muster a reply, closing it behind himself just as stealthily. He heaved a strained sigh, eyes adjusting to the darkness of the room.
First things first, he pushed open the curtain to his little enclosed porch, letting in the murky rainy light from outside in the process. He gathered up dishes from their odd locations—the empty cereal bowl on the corner of his desk was pretty normal, honestly, but the mugs on the bookshelf behind the couch? That was a bit much. He was thankful he was actually doing his laundry, otherwise there would be random articles of clothing scattered everywhere as well, wherever he’d been standing when he’d needed to shed a layer.
He gathered up a round of unopened mail—from the table at the door, his desk, the counter—and okay, maybe he really needed to get a handle on that. The mail was getting a little out of hand. It didn’t stop him from simply tossing it all onto his bed and then closing the door to the room; out of sight, out of mind, for the time being. He could figure out a more permanent solution later.
He took a quick look around, shoulders rolling uneasily. If you looked too closely, there would be cat fur everywhere; he needed to vacuum approximately last month, but hadn’t gotten around to it. It would have to do for now, because there was no way to draw it out any longer without it being even more awkward than it already was.
Hesitantly, Toge went back to the door, opening it slowly. “Okay, I’m so sorry, ” he couldn’t help but apologize at least one more time.
“It’s okay,” Yuuta said softly, the quirk of an almost smile on his lips. It looked an odd contrast with the dark circles under his eyes.
“You can come in.” He pushed the door open far enough for Yuuta to walk in, and he ducked his head as he did so. " I don't have people over often," he said, unsure why he felt the compulsion to explain himself. It wasn't normal for him.
“Neither do I,” Yuuta said. “Well, other than…” He trailed off as he closed the door, turning away as his lips pulled into a grimace.
Toge waited for his gaze to turn back up before hesitantly asking, “You said your friend was okay?”
“Oh, I guess.” He pasted on a tremulous, fake little smile as he looked around Toge’s living room, peering into the nook of his kitchen. “She’s, um. In the ICU right now. I can’t…go in to see her, but. I guess they think she should be fine. Should be out of there soon, and then. Yeah.” His smile widened, almost genuine but still strained around the edges.
Yuuta seemed to know that his situation was a lot, more than Toge knew he was really equipped to handle. Awkwardly, he nodded. “I’m glad,” he said, and it wasn’t a lie. He didn’t need to know Yuuta’s friend to know that he wished for her safety, if nothing else. “You can sit. I’m just gonna…” He jerked a thumb over his shoulder toward his kettle, and made for it without waiting for a response.
He filled the kettle, hyper aware of the sound of Yuuta settling onto his couch on the other side of the room. He didn’t know if he should wander back over and sit with him, or just stay out of sight in the corner of the kitchen while the water boiled. That would be…that would also be awkward, wouldn’t it? In his head, he could imagine Maki scoffing at him, loudly asking him where the fuck he’d gone, what was taking him so long. Yuuta didn’t seem the type to react like that, especially given the circumstances, but still.
Toge poked his head around the corner as he started the kettle. Yuuta was looking around still, politely glancing over his desk with its array of monitors, and then at his bookshelves.
He took a breath and stepped back around the corner from the kitchen. Questions slipped from his mind as Yuuta’s dark eyes shifted back toward him, leaving him fidgeting under the inspection.
He was suddenly very aware of the fact that he still had on a mask, something he reached for compulsively at this point. That might…make tea drinking a little—impossible. He knew there was an easy solution, but Yuuta would probably have questions that Toge wasn’t entirely ready to respond to if he just took it off.
“Do you read a lot?” he asked, and Toge froze. It wasn’t the question he expected. Literally anything else was at least anticipated before that.
“When I’m not busy with work, ” he said hesitantly. He grabbed his chair from his desk and rolled it across the room, right up to the edge of the coffee table, beside the couch but not too obnoxiously close to Yuuta—his other option was to sit directly beside the guy, hip to hip on the couch, and that idea was irrefutably out.
“What do you read?” Yuuta’s curiosity seemed genuine, even if Toge figured he was just looking for some sort of distraction.
He settled into his chair and shrugged. “Anything, really?” he said, looking over the extra tall bookcases that lined the wall. “I’m not super picky. I’ll read just about anything, honestly. I…like when people give me recommendations? ”
“I’ll have to think of something for you, then,” Yuuta said. “I’ll bring it with me for the next time I run into you.”
Toge could feel the blush slowly staining his cheeks. “I don’t understand how you’re always doing laundry at the same time I am.”
Yuuta snorted, a small puff of laughter escaping him. “I don’t get it either,” he said. “I swear I really haven’t been stalking you.” Toge blushed brighter at his choice of words, and saw Yuuta’s head tip toward him, curiously. “I thought for a long time that I’d done something that ticked you off, just with how you um…” Yuuta shrugged vaguely. “Rika always tells me—my friend, that’s my friend's name. Um. She’s always telling me that it doesn’t make sense to think that people don’t like you without getting to know you first.”
“She’s right,” he said, and tried not to think about how hypocritical it was of him to decide that Yuuta definitely saw him as incredibly fucking awkward, based on their tiny stretch of interactions.
“She’s right about most things,” Yuuta said, something like a weary sigh escaping him. “And she makes sure you know it.” He leaned back into the couch, settling into the cushions like he’d finally unwound enough to relax. “It wasn’t until I saw you signing with your um…”
“Friend. Maki.” Yuuta watched him intently, then nodded, pink chasing across his cheeks for just a moment.
“Your friend,” he echoed. “That’s when I realized I really was the one being weird. I could have tried saying something to you at any point. You’re really…well, I don’t know you really well, but you seem very kind.” Toge shifted uneasily, not entirely sure how to take that. He’d never been good at accepting praise for anything, especially not something so nebulous as an assessment on his character. Maki usually just called him a little shit, and she was really the only person in his life that would have an opinion. “I’m sorry, that’s…” Yuuta looked out the glass panes of the porch door, dodging meeting Toge’s eyes. “I can be a little intense and that might have come across a little strong.”
With Yuuta not looking, he was saved from having to concoct a response by the gentle beep of the kettle as it reached a boil. Toge popped up from his seat and went back to the kitchen. He rifled through a cabinet to fish out two mugs, even if…well, he probably wouldn’t drink his tea with Yuuta here, but maybe the guy wouldn’t notice Toge’s intent as long as he was just holding the mug.
He deliberated for just a moment over which tea to prepare, but it was fairly obvious. Something herbal, to help Yuuta relax. He probably didn’t need anything caffeinated—he honestly looked like he needed sleep, more than anything. He reached for the chamomile and carefully poured the water over the bags in each cup. He glanced at the time, mentally tracking how long it would need to steep for, and then once again poked his head around the kitchen counter to peer over at Yuuta. He was still staring out the porch door.
Toge cleared his throat to catch his attention once more, and didn’t quite manage to choke back an accompanying cough.
Yuuta turned quickly toward him. “Are you…are you okay?” he asked.
Toge nodded shortly in answer. “How do you like your tea? ”
“Oh just…plain is fine. Whatever you made.” He frowned at the answer, and saw Yuuta’s face fall to abrupt unease. “Or, whatever you think.”
Toge shrugged and brought the mugs over. Plain it was. He placed both mugs on the table between them and then sat back down in his chair, leaning back slightly as he tried to get comfortable. Only…it wasn’t, not in the slightest. Toge didn’t know how to puzzle out some sort of conversation, and Yuuta didn’t seem altogether interested in picking any up. It could honestly be companionable, if Toge could get out of his head, and stop worrying about whether or not he was weirding Yuuta out. Inviting him over and then simply staring? Or just avoiding looking at him?
“Um. Thank you,” Yuuta said softly. He reached out and prodded one of the mugs, hooking a finger through the handle to drag it closer. It was far too hot to hold onto, though, and he seemed to realize that, because he left it resting on the table. “I guess I’m a little…awkward to hang out around, but this…this does help. I was…” He shrugged emphatically after a moment. “Thinking a little too much, I guess. I’m sorry if I’m…Rika is always telling me I can come across a little strongly, with people.”
“...do you need to talk…about whatever happened?” He hesitated before continuing, hands coming together so he could trace over the shape of his own knuckles fretfully. He let the silence drag on, and spared another quick glance toward Yuuta. “I don’t want to pry, but I just know…sometimes it helps.”
Yuuta’s gaze was weighing, the slightest tick of a frown at the corners of his lips. “I don’t know where to start,” he eventually said.
“Tell me about your friend? About…Rika?” He hoped he got the name right, and the flash of gratitude on Yuuta’s face said maybe he had.
“I don’t…know what to say, honestly. She’s, well. We’ve been friends forever. Since we were little kids.” He relented, and reached for his too hot mug. He held it carefully, trying his best not to scald his fingertips. “You know how it is,” he said with a shrug.
Toge shook his head slowly. He really didn’t know anything about that. He had Maki, but he’d only known her for a few years. He wouldn’t know what to do if something happened to her, though. “I only really have my one friend, ” he admitted, hoping it didn’t come across as too incredibly pathetic. “She was my first roommate when I moved here.”
“Are you new to the area?”
“Not really. Been here for five years, give or take.” Toge glanced up at Yuuta when he didn’t answer. He was frowning at Toge, something questioning in his gaze. “It’s hard for me to...I'm just not really good with people. And this. Doesn't help, you know?” He wiggled his fingers in Yuuta’s direction, hoping he could get his point across without actually having to state it.
His eyes went wide after a moment. “Oh,” he said. He shifted, sitting up a little sharper. “I never thought…I should have. I’m sorry.” Toge could only shrug at how deeply earnest the guy sounded. “I learned for that reason. Because I had students who needed someone they could communicate with.”
“...students?”
“I teach kindergarten,” Yuuta said with a small smile. He lifted his mug to his lips, ever so carefully sipping at the tea, finally. It was definitely still too hot to drink with any conviction, but he didn’t seem to mind.
The idea of this grossly towering man in his pastel sweaters and glittery pins, surrounded by a flock of little children, sounded so very in character that Toge couldn’t help the laugh that scraped through his throat. It made so much sense. “You don’t have kids of your own?” he asked, watching the grin spread more fully across Yuuta’s lips, half hidden behind the rim of his mug
“No, um. No kids, and I’m, um. Not seeing anyone at the moment, but,” he faltered, smile slipping a hair, but still drastic enough that Toge noticed it.
Toge watched him deliberate and decided to cut him some slack. “I’m…good at listening,” he offered. “Kind of comes with the territory.”
“I’m sorry.” Yuuta took another sip, hiding his mouth fully behind the rim of the mug so Toge couldn’t tell if his smile had flipped the opposite way already. “I feel…guilty, I guess. If I try and put what’s happening out of my mind.” Toge waited and waited for the continuation of the thought, for Yuuta to make any indication that he needed a response and not to just air his potential grievances. “I know Rika would be actually angry at me for letting myself get worked up this bad. Like…she’ll be fine. She has to be.”
Toge nodded, and motion across the floor caught his eye; one black and white splotched leg stretching out from under the couch between Yuuta’s feet. “Cat, ” he said.
“Cat?” Yuuta repeated, a confused crease wrinkling his brow. Toge pointed, and Yuuta sat up, looking down sharply at the same time a tiny round face poked out from under the couch. “Oh, cat,” Yuuta said with feeling, shifting his feet away. “And what’s your name?” he asked, reaching down to offer a nose scratch, and Toge almost couldn’t handle the sweetness of his voice.
“Panda,” Toge answered when Yuuta glanced toward him.
“Your cat's name is…Panda?” he asked. Toge tipped his head, a vague frown on his lips under his mask. “Well, I guess…it makes sense,” Yuuta said; Toge wouldn’t say he was backpedaling, but it certainly seemed that way. Yuuta’s eyes turned back down while Panda stretched, dragging himself out from under the couch. He evidently seemed to have moved himself far enough, because he yawned hugely and then hunkered back down to sleep, half out from the confines of the underside of the couch.
Yuuta settled back in his seat, careful not to move his feet too much, and looked thoughtfully into his tea. "Did you know pandas can spend 16 hours a day foraging to get enough bamboo to eat?"
Toge frowned, head tilting as he processed the random fact. "...no? " he signed when Yuuta glanced up at him.
"Sorry," he huffed, hiding his face behind his mug as he took a slightly larger sip than was wise. "It's…a book I read for my class. My kids wanted to learn about pandas. I know yours is…a cat, but…" he trailed off, obviously losing his nerve, and maybe this situation wasn't going as poorly as Toge had thought it was, if Yuuta was just as nervous.
“They’re my favorite animal?” he offered with a vague shrug. “What else do you know about them?”
Yuuta paused, eyes ticking over Toge like he wasn’t exactly sure he could take this little lifeline. “Do you…know what they sound like?” A small shake of his head, and Yuuta shifted to pull his phone from his pocket. “I found this cute video to show my kids,” he explained, and Toge could audibly hear the nervousness slipping away from him. He placed his mug back down on the coffee table and carefully moved forward—feet cautiously planted around Panda, keeping his furry little paws and exposed belly safe. “So they actually squeak and bark, like this,” he explained, lips pursed together as he searched. “Okay, here.”
He slid the phone across the table, trading it for his mug again, the faintest smile on his face—something genuine that gave Toge pause before he turned his attention on the phone. It was cute, as promised, and with a little prompting, Yuuta kept rattling off facts while sipping his tea, until his was gone and Toge’s had started to go cold. An alarm eventually went off on his phone, still resting on the table between them, calling them to head back down to the laundry room.
The walk down was considerably more companionable than the walk to Toge’s apartment had been, even if it was done in silence this time. Toge lingered, glancing at his phone while his machine ticked down the last few minutes, and Yuuta meticulously folded sweaters and a handful of t-shirts.
When he was finished, Yuuta cleared his throat. “So, um. Thank you for inviting me over, Toge,” he said, sounding so sincere it was painful. “It was really nice to just…to just not think so much about what’s going on.” His smile was flickering, hesitant. “I should go make something for dinner, and stop bothering you, so…I’ll see you around?” he asked.
It wasn’t like Toge would stop doing his laundry at any point in time, and when he eventually showed back up in the laundry room, Yuuta was sure to appear not long after. He nodded in answer, not entirely sure how he could articulate that spending a fraction of their afternoon together had been anything but a bother. “See you then.”
A knock on his door a week later didn’t leave Toge shocked in the slightest. There was a plate of cookies wrapped up on his doormat, a small note taped to the cling wrap. The person who had knocked and run was nowhere to be seen, but Toge wasn’t completely in the dark. He picked up the plate and brought it in, fumbling open the folded over note as he made his way to the tiny nook of his kitchen.
She’s awake and should be cleared to come home this week! Thank you for listening to me. I really needed the distraction right then, and you really made this so much easier to deal with.
-Yuuta
Toge looked at the dark, lumpy little cookies clustered on the plate, and knew he knew better. He peeled back the layer of plastic to pluck one free, bringing it up for a little nibble.
It was awful, salty and ashy in his mouth, exactly what he’d anticipated from the sight of them.
The lot of the cookies took a quick trip to the garbage, but he kept the note on his desk; a simple little reminder that it was okay to just reach out to people sometimes.
Another day, another trip to the laundry room.
When Toge walked into the room, Yuuta was already there, as was their apparent norm. He glanced up at Toge, and a grin broke across his face.
“Hello,” he said. “Fancy meeting you here.” Toge rolled his eyes, an echo of cute rattling around in his head, and if that wasn’t entirely unhelpful.
“I never get how you’re always here, ” he said with a shake of his head. He went to the machine he usually used, and set about filling it.
“I don’t know,” Yuuta said, something almost chirpy about his tone of voice. Maybe that was just how he was, when he wasn’t worried over his friends safety. “It’s not really a bad thing, even if you look grumpy most of the time.” Toge stared long and hard at him, and then huffed in disbelieving annoyance; he wasn’t grumpy most of the time. He closed the lid on his machine a little louder than necessary, flashing a frown Yuuta wouldn’t be able to see beneath his mask in his direction. “Yeah, like that.”
“I’m glad Rika’s better, ” he said, rather than ribbing him more.
“Me too,” Yuuta sighed. “I feel, just…so much better, knowing that she’s going to be fine. I know I kind of…I kind of get a little lost when she’s not around. She definitely, well.” He cleared his throat. “She’s always been there for me. She’s definitely been telling me I should have been talking to you this whole time.”
“Really? ” he asked, curiosity getting the better of him before he fished his wallet from his pocket to offer payment.
“I…yeah.” When Toge glanced in his direction, there was a monstrous blush on Yuuta’s cheeks. “I mean…I’ve always…um.”
“Hmm?” The scratching of sound in his throat was worth it at the moment, because Yuuta was being particularly flustered. His washing machine rattled to life, and he turned to face Yuuta more fully, pointedly looking at the red spilled across his cheeks. “You good? ” he asked.
“Oh yeah, just…” he trailed off, licking his lips, ever so hesitantly meeting Toge’s eyes. “I’ve just…thought about actually talking to you for a long time. I should have done it months ago. I know I said that before, but it’s true. I should have done it, cause you’re…” His mind seemed to have caught up with his mouth, because his eyes went wide. “I’m sorry, that’s just really forward of me.”
Toge wasn't entirely sure what Yuuta wanted to say; flustered as he was, it seemed mostly just gibberish. The blush grew darker on his face as Toge watched, though. "Maki told me to just talk to you also, if that helps? ” Toge dithered over whether or not he should continue, and erred on the side of being truthful. "I figured it would be more trouble than it was worth, but then here you are, and it’s… ” He hesitated, but he’d never been one to really sugar coat things. “It’s actually really nice. It feels…kind of easy to talk to you. ”
Yuuta met his eyes, the blush fading as he smiled. “It really is.”
Toge didn’t think of himself as a romantic, but the fluttering in his belly didn’t seem to want to go away as he looked at the soft smile on Yuuta’s face. It was pretty obvious that his curiosity over his attractive neighbor was turning into something a little more the longer they spent actually talking with one another.
He wasn't really sure what to make of the idea. It wasn't like he could have anticipated it, and the soft way Yuuta acted around him was making the notion more attractive by the moment.
Toge couldn't just be normal, though. He was perpetually saying the absolute wrong thing at the wrong time; sometimes he thought not communicating might be better for him.
"It's kind of annoying, though, " he said, angling toward the door, but not turning far enough that Yuuta couldn't still see his hands. " How you're always taking up all the space in here, standing in front of the door and blocking me in. "
"Woah wait, what? I do that?" The pink disappeared from Yuuta's cheeks behind an expression of alarm. "Are you serious? I never meant to. God, no wonder you always looked so irritated at me." Yuuta ran his fingers fretfully through his hair.
"I'm kidding. " Toge shrugged apologetically. "Kind of. I was a little…intimidated. When you'd stand over here. It wasn't like I could just push by you or ask you to move. "
"Of course you could have. I'd have moved if you tried to get by. I just thought you were waiting down here, sitting in the corner." A judgey glance across the room to where the stiff, lonely bench resided said everything anyone ever thought of the idea. "How could I intimidate you?"
Toge raised his eyebrows, letting his eyes rake over Yuuta pointedly. To his credit, he held back the blush this time. "You're like a whole foot taller than me, and I think you work out? You could pick me up with one arm! " Yuuta looked away, a fluttering smile twitching at his lips. Toge continued when he glanced back. "Doesn't matter if you dress like a grandpa half the time, you can't hide all that. " His gesture took in Yuuta’s general shape from head to toe.
"A grandpa!" Yuuta sputtered indignantly.
"I like your sweaters, though. They're cute. " Toge wasn’t sure he could be trusted not to keep saying ridiculously incriminating things, and at this rate he’d only manage to keep digging himself deeper. "How much longer on your… " Toge pointed toward the only other washer in the room that was running, trying to shift attention to something more relevant to the conversation.
"Oh, uh." Yuuta looked toward the machine. "Thirty minutes. I started it right before you got here."
Toge rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Of course. Want some tea again? "
"Are you sure? I wouldn't want to bother you more, and it's not like I'm…well, being pathetic, this time."
"You weren't being pathetic last time? Your friend was hurt, and that's a lot to deal with. " Toge gestured for Yuuta to come closer, to follow him to the door, and he hesitantly did so. "Maybe I actually… " Toge’s hands slowed, almost letting the thought trail off. Yuuta stood beside him, a gentle and questioning tip to his head implying his curiosity. "Well, maybe I might want company, sometimes. "
"In that case, I could be company," Yuuta said, that tiny flickering grin coming back to his lips.
Toge huffed. "That was so lame, " he said with an exaggerated thumbs down, even if there was a tiny flutter in his ribcage. "Try again. "
"I'd love to come over and spend time with you."
Toge was endlessly grateful for the mask he wore, else he'd honest to God be gaping at this guy for his earnestness. "Wow, okay. Fine, let's go. "
I’m making the fact that you showed me where you live YOUR problem :)
This is how you make cookies, by the way.
-Toge
I’m going to pretend you’re not insulting me with that, but OH MY GOD?
THOSE WERE SO GOOD!
Please please please , can you teach me next time I'm over? Also, here's my number so we don't have to keep passing notes. This isn’t a classroom, I should know.
-Yuuta
[9:22am] do you always give your number out that quickly?
[1:34pm] Quickly?
[1:34pm] I’ve been working up the courage to do this for an entire year, what are you talking about?
[1:41pm] that's glacial speed actually, no one works that slow
[2:05pm] Does it show that I don’t know what I’m doing?
[2:06pm] What I DO know is
[2:06pm] I’ll see you tonight?
[2:06pm] what's that supposed to mean?
[2:13pm]
[2:13pm] no respect for the sweater vests
[2:22pm] you're right though, I’ll be there around 5, probably
[2:45pm] What a coincidence! Me too!
[2:45pm] 🙄
“Same as last time? ” Toge signed, kind of sloppy with one hand as he held his kettle in the other, leaning around the corner into his kitchen.
“Only if you’ll actually have a cup with me this time.” Yuuta propped his chin up on his hands, looking across the room at him. He seemed completely unbothered by the fact that his words had immediately set Toge’s heart going with panicky nerves.
He took a moment to put the kettle on the edge of the sink in the kitchen, and then popped back around the corner to answer. “I always have a cup with you, ” Toge said.
“I know that.” Yuuta sighed, a momentary hesitation flitting across his face. “You always physically hold your mug, but you never actually drink any of it. I don’t want you to keep waiting and letting it get cold and go to waste.”
Toge looked into the kitchen, shoulders shifting uneasily. He’d somehow thought that that fact had gone over Yuuta’s head over the last few weeks of their tentative friendship. It was a silly hope, considering how attentive he always seemed to be—about everything. “I don’t really… ” He gestured vaguely toward his face, and that wise-guy smile came to Yuuta’s lips when Toge glanced back at him.
“Eat and drink?”
The tension cracked just like that, and Toge rolled his eyes as forcefully as he could. “Why are you like that? ”
“I think I’m pretty funny.”
“You must be a hit…at work. Where you deal with actual children. ”
“Don’t insult my kids, Toge. They’re sophisticated five year olds.” He held back another eye roll, and Yuuta tipped his head, cheek resting in his hands, grin softening fondly. “See? You think I’m funny too. You’re smiling under that mask, I can tell.”
“N-O, ” he spelled out with a sharp shake of his head. “You’re ridiculous. ”
"Maybe," Yuuta conceded. “But I am serious, Toge. I don’t know why you always wear that around me, and I’m not asking why. But I hope you can feel comfortable enough to take it off at some point. It…doesn’t have to be today, but. Someday?”
“I’ll think about it, ” he said offhandedly, even if he really didn’t have any intention of doing so. Yuuta nodded, as though that was enough, and cracked open the book he'd pulled from Toge's shelf. Him turning to his reading was a soft dismissal, and Toge went back to the sink to finish filling the kettle. He started the kettle and leaned against the counter, waiting for the water to boil, trying not to let himself get too lost in his thoughts.
The two of them had fallen into such an easy pattern; they would meet over their laundry, sometimes intentionally coordinated, sometimes not, and then go back to one of their apartments to relax and chat. It was usually Toge’s—Yuuta said he didn’t want Panda to feel left out. Making tea for the two of them was such a familiar routine now, so he still pulled down two mugs from the cabinet, even if it felt a little funny to even pour something for himself now that he’d been called out.
In the other room, Yuuta made a small noise of surprised delight. "Good afternoon, Panda. Of course you can sit with me." Toge couldn't help the smile that came to his face. This man was just so gentle and attentive it was ridiculous.
The kettle whistled as the water came to a boil, and he grabbed it to carefully pour, letting his thoughts turn over in his head. Toge wasn’t very self-conscious about people seeing the scars on his face anymore. He hadn’t been since he was a teenager, honestly. That he was holding out so hard now was just silly.
He grabbed both mugs and went to the other room, placing them on the coffee table. There was enough room on the couch, he decided, even with Panda there, so he opted not to go and get his chair from his desk. He sat down and Yuuta flashed a grateful smile in his direction, reaching to pull his mug closer. He left it on the table to cool some more and turned back to his book.
Maybe Toge had been hesitant to show his face around Maki in the beginning too, now that he thought about it, but she made it clear that the worry was misplaced very quickly. He didn’t care if people said anything about his scars, if they saw them; it was always the questions that made him anxious.
But Yuuta…
Toge knew that he wouldn’t care. He probably wouldn’t ask any questions; he wasn’t really that kind of person.
The tiny, delicate flutter of his heart in his chest made Toge fearful of the what-ifs. They were still figuring out what their happenstance friendship meant to each other, but Toge could acknowledge that there was more they were leaving unsaid between the cracks. He didn’t think that it was just his wishful thinking; he was genuinely attracted to Yuuta, to his gentle, careful nature more than anything else, and for some reason Yuuta seemed to reciprocate that.
Maybe, just maybe, he had a very real fear that the interest Yuuta paid him might disappear if he saw the scars.
Which was plain foolishness, because Toge knew Yuuta wasn’t like that. He wouldn’t care, he wouldn’t…
He needed to stop thinking about it.
Toge’s hand shook as he carefully unlooped the mask from one ear, letting the fabric ghost over his skin. He pulled it away slowly, feeling the cool air in the room on his face. He was hyper aware of how Yuuta still sat, slouched against the arm of his couch, book propped open in front of him with Panda curled against his hip. Neither moved.
Toge traded the mask for his cup of tea on the table, and tried to quell the trembling in his fingers. It wouldn’t do to scald himself and make a bigger fool of himself than necessary. This wasn’t something big.
He closed his eyes and inhaled the steam swirling up from his mug, hoping it would help calm him as he waited for…anything. He heard the gentle rustle of a page turn, the creak of the couch as Yuuta shifted to grab his mug. There was the soft sound of him taking a sip of his tea, and the tap of the mug being returned to the table. Nothing else, no matter how long he listened for. No gasp of surprise, no comments.
Toge opened his eyes, gaze immediately falling on Yuuta. He was still actively reading, eyes visibly tracing over the words on the page, but there was a smile on his lips. As though the attention had summoned him, Yuuta glanced up, meeting his eyes. “Good?” he asked quietly, after Toge let the moment stretch on a little too long with nervous tension. Yuuta’s smile didn’t change; didn’t dim or freeze like it was forced. Toge nodded jerkily, felt the air rattle into his chest—he hadn’t even realized he had been holding his breath. “Good.” Yuuta’s gaze flickered down, not to the marks on his cheeks, but to his lips and the brim of his mug. His smile widened just slightly.
Yuuta flipped his page and looked back down with a small hum. He—really didn’t seem like he was going to ask anything. Yuuta just scratched absently behind Panda’s ear, then reached for his mug again, fingers bumping into it before he found it on the table. He cradled it against his chest while he read for a few moments, inhaling steam, and didn’t once glance back up at Toge.
[3:22pm] Want to come over for dinner?
[3:25pm] are you cooking it?
[3:25pm] Yeah?
[3:30pm] no thanks 💀
[3:30pm] Toge
[3:31pm] What does that mean? You think I can't cook?
[3:31pm] that's not it
[3:33pm] I'm confused?
[3:33pm] I KNOW you can't cook, there's no question
[3:34pm] WOW OKAY.
[3:46pm] so anyway
[3:46pm] wanna come over for dinner? maybe at 6?
[3:52pm] You're awful.
[3:53pm] Of course I'll be there.
[5:45pm] Should I bring anything?
"Yesterday, you said you were having some people over," Yuuta said with a shake of his head. "I didn't realize like…" He waved toward Toge's apartment. His hand came to rest lightly on Toge's shoulder, warm and engulfing it in its entirety. "You don't strike me as a dinner party person."
"I'm not. That's why I'm out here with you. " It took him a second to realize he was leaning into Yuuta's touch, but he didn't try to correct it. He was just the right side of tipsy to preen at the contact, and sitting close together outside on the stairs to his apartment was as good a place for it as could be. “I used to live with Maki, though, so I’m pretty cool with her and her cousin and his friends. ” Yuuta’s hand slid across Toge's shoulder blade and then away as he leaned back, propping his elbows up on the landing.
“Still. They kind of took over your apartment. Poor Panda’s hiding under your bed.”
“He’ll be harassing Maki for treats in no time, trust me. ”
Yuuta chuckled, a low, warm rumble, and reached for the beer bottle he’d set behind them. “You’re right, I believe you.” He took a sip and watched as Toge set his own bottle down, pushing it off to the side. “Done?”
“Empty. ”
“Ah. Want another? I can get you more.”
Toge grinned before Yuuta had a chance to move, like he most definitely would. "Yuuta Okkotsu, are you trying to get me drunk? "
Yuuta faltered, eyes going wide. "No? Of course not!" In seconds, he became more animated, sitting up and batting his hair out of his face. "I'm sorry, I didn’t mean it like—do you need—was that pushing too much?"
Toge laughed, raspy and quiet, but enough to get his point across. "I'm kidding. Though I really don't want to get much more… " he gestured at himself vaguely, glancing up at Yuuta as he did so.
"...pretty?" Yuuta asked hesitantly, and Toge's hands snapped shut before he could finish fishing for the word he wanted.
"...drunk, " he said finally, turning away from Yuuta to partially block the blush that erupted across his cheeks.
"Oh, that probably makes more sense." He could practically feel Yuuta’s eyes on him, feel the weight of what would be an almost smug little smile.
“You’re ridiculous. You say ridiculous things. ”
“Mm, maybe,” Yuuta conceded. "I do, though. Think you're pretty." His words were so quiet, and there was nothing Toge could do that would prepare him to face Yuuta now. He stared off into the dark, down the sidewalk to the halos cast by street lights around the parking lot. "Toge?"
He took a deep breath, struggling to work up the nerve, and glanced back at Yuuta, so reluctantly. He felt his blush grow, until it must have been incandescently bright in the yellow hued porch light. He didn't know what to say in response, and just looked, took in the sharp angles of Yuuta's face, the deep shadows under his eyes. He had been right on his first estimation—they really did seem to be permanent, no matter how much sleep he seemed to get
Yuuta sighed softly and switched his bottle to his other hand. He reached up, so incredibly slowly, as though he thought Toge would startle at the motion. Toge couldn’t breathe as Yuuta’s fingers curled along his jaw, cupping his cheek like he was fragile. His thumb traced over Toge’s cheekbone delicately, his dark eyes following the motion in the half light. “You’re always pretty to me, but—”
The sudden bell chime of Yuuta's phone ringing made them both jump. Yuuta rocked back like he’d been burned, hand falling to the side and then fumbling in his pocket. "I'm sorry," he murmured. "I’m sorry. Let me just…"
Toge saw a flash of his screen as he freed the phone, enough to see a familiar picture and name. Yuuta hesitated, thumb over the screen like he couldn’t decide whether to pick up or dismiss it. Toge touched his knee softly to catch his attention. “Answer it. ”
Yuuta’s shoulders sagged, but he nodded slowly and swiped to answer. “Hey, Rika,” he said, an almost nervous lilt to his voice. “Is everything—mhm. Yeah, I could probably—yeah.” A heavy frown came to Yuuta’s face. “Sure.” Yuuta slowly pushed himself to his feet, looking more miserable by the second. “I have to go, she needs help with— ”
Toge interrupted with a sharp motion. “I get it. Go. Have a good night. ” Toge offered a wave and leaned back on the stairs, stretching to occupy some of the space Yuuta had vacated.
"I’m so sorry. This wasn’t supposed to— ” He cut off again, upset turning to visible discomfort. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow? ” At Toge’s nod, he hesitantly turned away. "No, I'm sorry Rika, say that again?"
Toge watched him walk down the sidewalk and round the corner to the building, and only then could he breathe normally.
[7:17pm] I’m sorry if I came across too strong last night. I’ve been trying to figure out what to say all day.
[7:19pm] I’m really sorry I left like that. It’s the last thing I wanted to do.
[7:48pm] it's fine
[7:49pm] Are you upset with me?
[7:49pm] no?
[7:50pm] Okay.
[7:57pm] you kind of surprised me, I guess
[7:57pm] or not really surprised, that’s not the right word
[7:57pm] it’s just that you're like
[8:12pm] You kind of left me hanging here.
[8:12pm] Feeling a little like I might have really missed some signals somewhere.
[8:14pm] yeah no, just wish I could delete my last text
[8:16pm] you're like actually perfect?
[8:16pm] and you actually think I’m cute or something
[8:16pm] I don't mean that in a haha I'm ugly way, it's just
[8:16pm] I'm gonna stop talking now
[8:16pm] it's not your fault
[8:17pm] I thought I had really been making how I felt kind of obvious?
[8:19pm] Toge, I don't want to do this over text.
[8:20pm] well, I've been down by the pool for over an hour
[8:20pm] my clothes are almost done drying
[8:20pm] figured you'd be here by now
The sound of the gate rattling around the dark corner of the building would have been ominous and creepy if Toge wasn't already expecting it. Yuuta hurried around the side of the building, cast in the dappled shadows and the brightness of the fluorescent lights shining through the laundry room window.
Toge waved at him as soon as he was close enough, and then flipped forward to another song on his phone, the tinny sound coming through the speakers a little on the quiet side; this was still a public location, and he didn’t want to wake anyone up from the surrounding buildings.
“You’re almost never down here this late,” Yuuta said sharply, obviously catching his breath. Toge wouldn’t ask if he’d run here, but he was pretty sure he had. Yuuta swiped his hands through his hair, pushing it out of his face.
“Thought I would conjure you up by being down here, ” Toge said with a small shrug. “I guess it didn’t work and I actually had to talk. ”
“Funny how that works,” Yuuta said with a shake of his head. He stepped closer and leaned his hands against the cool metal of the table. “Why don’t we ever sit out here when we’re waiting?” he asked, like the idea of using the patio furniture strategically placed around the pool had simply never occurred to him.
“Antisocial? ” Toge suggested. “Too many people out here for me, usually. Not like I’ll go swimming with… ” He gestured vaguely at the mask covering his face, and Yuuta tipped his head, shadows obscuring his features for a moment.
“Well, you can take it off now, right?” he asked. “Only if you want. But I don’t think anyone else will be around.” He leaned a little closer, and Toge could make out his fond smile. “And you know I actually really like your face.”
Toge snorted a laugh. “Ridiculous. You’re really ridiculous, ” he said, but he did reach up and pull it off, folding it up into a small square of fabric that he tucked under his phone. “So what now? ” he asked, peering up at Yuuta.
“Maybe…” Yuuta looked away into the dark. “We sit by the pool and…talk?”
“That’s what we’re doing now. ”
“No, I mean,” Yuuta huffed. He reached out his hand. “Come on.”
Toge looked at the hand apprehensively. He couldn’t explain why—he just knew that if he took it, something was going to change between the two of them. And…well, maybe he was ready for that.
He reached out, and Yuuta’s fingers closed around his, warm against the cool night air. He pulled Toge to his feet carefully, and then let him go just as quickly. It wasn’t fair or right that Toge missed his touch already.
“This way,” Yuuta murmured. “We’ll just go to the other side so I can see you.”
Toge stuck close to his side as they skirted the pool, slow and quiet against the backdrop of whirring insects. It was secluded in their apartment complex, isolated from the sounds of ever present traffic and the bustle of roads in the city beyond the edge of the property. Toge had never really spent the time outside after dark to contemplate it, always hurrying to or from his apartment.
“Now what? ” he asked when they came to a stop. He honestly just wanted Yuuta to pick up where he’d left off in his text. He felt he knew exactly where Yuuta was going with his words, that there was only one logical conclusion to be drawn, but he truly needed to hear it to believe it. Until then, he couldn’t be sure that this wasn’t just something he was making up.
“We sit down and put our feet in?” Yuuta asked, his smile conveying the puppy-like innocence Toge had fallen so hard for.
“Oh. You’re serious? ”
“Yeah. Come on, you’ve never even used the pool, right?”
“Isn’t it closed after dark? ”
Yuuta only shrugged and started pulling off his shoes. “Who’s going to say anything?”
Toge smiled and wanted to tease him more—this proper kindergarten teacher of his, willingly breaking the rules—but Yuuta’s attention was elsewhere. Toge slipped off his sandals and pushed them to the side. He carefully sat on the edge, dipping his feet in before Yuuta had fully finished shedding his socks.
“Beat you,” he said, when he was sure Yuuta could see.
“It wasn’t a race.” The smile was audible in his voice, though. Yuuta folded himself down to the edge of the pool. “Oh, it’s—it’s a little colder than I thought it would be,” he said when his feet slipped below the surface—which was true, but Toge wasn’t going to be the one to say anything. “Now,” Yuuta said softly. Toge looked up to meet his gaze in the sharp light cast across the pool from the laundry room window.
“Now?” he asked, and his fingers trembled like they hadn’t done since the first time they’d spoken, so many weeks back. Yuuta only nodded, and Toge tried to swallow down his nerves. “If you don’t stop being dramatic, I’ll push you in.”
“I’m sorry! It’s just…” Yuuta shrugged, and Toge lifted a hand and pressed it to his shoulder—not nearly enough to actually topple him, but definitely enough to get his point across. Yuuta laughed, hand reaching out and reflexively closing around Toge’s forearm. “You’re right, actually,” he said. “We should actually get in, if you haven’t gone swimming here.”
“No?” Toge shook his head firmly. “The water’s cold, my clothes are almost done, and I’m not wearing something to swim in. Neither are you.”
Yuuta grinned and inched closer to the water. “So?” he asked. “You…make me want to do impulsive things, Toge.” Without any more warning, Yuuta slipped into the water. “Definitely. Cold,” he said sharply. He turned in the water, face suddenly unreadably cast in shadows. He settled in front of Toge, hands resting on his knees. “Come on.”
“This is silly.”
“Silly like being afraid to talk to a pretty stranger for a whole year?” Yuuta asked. “Or silly like inviting someone you don’t know over for tea, because they look sad?”
“Don’t turn this around on me,” Toge said with a shake of his head.
“I can’t help it.” Yuuta’s fingers dug under Toge’s knees. He shifted, but didn’t push Yuuta away. He didn’t know if he could, at this point.
“Fine,” he said finally, irritated and quick. He didn’t need to see Yuuta’s face to know what kind of sad expression he’d been making.
Yuuta drifted back to give Toge room to get in, but didn’t go far enough that he would be out of reach. Toge took a breath before he could change his mind and pushed himself over the edge. Up to his shins had been chilly, but once he’d been submerged further, it ripped his breath away with a sharp wheeze.
Yuuta’s fingers wrapped loosely around his arm again, each digit a prickle of warmth. Toge couldn’t even reach the bottom on this side of the pool and treaded water. It took effort to hold his hands far enough above the surface that he could sign anything recognizable without dunking himself under. “Closer.”
Yuuta obeyed, and didn’t say anything as Toge placed his hands on his shoulders. Toge unceremoniously shoved him below the surface, and Yuuta came up sputtering around a laugh rather than outrage.
“I did deserve that,” he said breathlessly. He bumped into Toge, nudging him against the edge. The smoothness of the tile against his back was warmer than the water itself, but fell short of the heat of Yuuta’s touch by a wide margin. The hand not clasped around his arm came to rest on the edge of the pool to Toge’s side, hemming him in. They were so close Toge could feel the stir of Yuuta's breath, and when he tipped his head just so, he could see the glitter of water gathered on his eyelashes in the solemn glow of light through the window.
So carefully, like he seemed to think Toge would break under pressure, Yuuta's fingers slid up his arm to his shoulder, trailing water in their wake. "I shouldn't have let us get interrupted last night.”
Yuuta couldn't very well have ignored his best friend, so Toge only shrugged. He had met Rika once over dinner already, and she wasn't the kind of person to be kept waiting, that was for sure.
Involuntarily, he shivered, and the gentle stroke of Yuuta's fingertips on his shoulder slowed. “Are you too cold?” Yuuta asked softly. "I thought it might be fun to swim together, but you were probably right. It was a silly idea."
Toge firmly nodded his affirmation—without being able to stand, it was just too awkward to try and sign above the surface, and he didn't think Yuuta had quite made that connection yet. Toge would be sure to tell him later.
“Here.” He hardly had time to register Yuuta’s hands dipping below the water before his fingers closed around Toge’s waist, lifting him up and out of the water before he could so much as squeak a sound of protest. The concrete edge of the pool dragged at his clothes as Yuuta pushed him clear, water cascading around him.
He flicked some of the water in Yuuta’s direction, the blush harsh on his cheeks as Yuuta snorted a laugh. He could feel the stark heat of it crawling across his chilled skin. "I told you you could pick me up," he signed sharply, a shiver racing down his arms to his fingertips.
Yuuta's face tipped up at him, his chin nearly resting on Toge's knee. There was a smile on his lips, something more than a little self-satisfied. "I knew I could," he confirmed.
“Show off.”
“Maybe.” He lingered in the water, looking up at Toge, until finally giving in and moving off to the side. He pushed off the bottom and pulled himself up over the edge as well, water sloshing between them and out of the pool.
Yuuta pushed his wet hair off his face and looked over at Toge. “Should we go dry off?” he asked “Maybe meet back here in a little bit?”
“Dryer should be done in a minute,” Toge said with a shrug. “I don’t mind just waiting.” Just waiting and seeing if Yuuta eventually caved and finally brought up what they had been talking about. Toge just couldn’t bring himself to ask, even if that would be the easiest way.
“But…you’re cold,” Yuuta said, head tipping thoughtfully, as though he himself wasn’t also cold.
“Because someone had a harebrained idea,” Toge said pointedly.
Yuuta rolled his shoulders, a sheepish grin quirking his lips. “I’ll make it up to you.”
“How?”
He stilled as he contemplated, and then scrambled to his feet. “Come on,” he said, reaching a hand down to him. Toge didn’t think he could handle much more hand holding if he was expected to let go once again. The hesitancy must have shown for a fleeting moment on his face, because Yuuta’s fingers closed, hand puling away slightly. “Do you not want…”
“I don’t know, is this another funny idea?” he asked.
“No. I promise, this one is better,” Yuuta said, the smallest, warmest note of laughter in his voice. He held out his hand again. “Please, Toge?”
Toge sighed dramatically, but took Yuuta’s outstretched hand once more. Yuuta pulled him to his feet carefully, shifting them away from the edge of the pool.
“So…” Yuuta trailed off.
“Hm?”
“Would you mind if…” Toge watched and waited, unwilling to release the hold he had on Yuuta’s hand still. A blush crept across his face, visible even in the half light spread across the shimmering pool. “Would you mind if I…if I held you?”
Toge shook his head almost before he’d processed the words. Before the sudden wash of apprehension could set on Yuuta’s face, he lifted his free hand. “Please?”
For this, he could concede on the hand holding, and he didn’t complain when Yuuta released him, only to step closer and fold his arms around Toge. Yuuta slid an arm around his back, tentative and soft, and pulled him close. He was so much warmer, even soaking wet like they were, and Toge inhaled the sharp scent of chlorine and the lingering starchy notes he could just place as finger paints. Of course. He’d expect nothing less.
Yuuta cleared his throat quietly, his fingers spreading slowly between Toge’s shoulders. "I…think you know what I’ve been wanting to say,” he said finally. “And I think you've been thinking it too. I…really hope you have, anyway."
Toge looked up at Yuuta's face, and couldn't quite make out his features in the shifting ripples of light. He nodded softly all the same.
"I'm still…gonna actually say it," Yuuta said, and even in the gloom, Toge knew he would be smiling, that crooked twist to his lips. "I like you, Toge. So much, and so fast that it's…well, it’s a little crazy."
Toge pushed a hand up into the space between their chests, and he saw the way Yuuta's head tipped, obviously looking down. "You, fast?" he chided slowly, fumbling a bit with one handed signs.
"That's fair," Yuuta said. His arm tightened around Toge's back, pulling them closer together again. Toge's hand came to rest on Yuuta's chest, fingers splaying slowly. "I thought you looked annoyed with me constantly. I thought I'd insulted you somehow; took your favorite dryer or something. At least now I know that's just your face." A squeeze said he was kidding, but Toge still scoffed at it before tipping his head against Yuuta’s chest.
Yuuta hummed softly, picking up the tune of the faint music still playing from Toge's phone over on the table. He swayed slowly, almost like he was thinking of dancing, but couldn’t quite summon the will to move like that. "I've…liked you for a while," he said, voice hushed. "I thought you were…stunning. But you were so distant at first. Imagine my surprise when I found out that you were just the sweetest, kindest person in the world."
Toge shook his head vehemently, temple knocking against Yuuta’s collarbone. He was definitely not all that, no matter what Yuuta said.
"What else would you be?" Yuuta asked. "Paying for someone's wash is friendly, but offering to listen to a stranger having a very public emotional breakdown? Toge, I don't think you see what I do, here."
Toge pulled away, just enough to shift his hands between them. Yuuta looked down again, expression focused as he traced the movement. “And what do you see?”
“I already told you. I see…the most amazing person I’ve ever met. And what I want…" Yuuta's arm tightened around his waist, insistently pulling them closer. He brought his other hand up, fingers cupping Toge’s cheek gently. "...is to kiss you."
He'd had an inkling that it was coming, that there was literally no other thought, no other potential outcome, especially in the shadow of last night. Toge’s breath still caught in his throat.
Even the admission of the attraction they felt for each other hadn’t frozen him in the same way. Perhaps because, for so long, it had been an open secret between them. They both flirted with one another freely; Toge knew that was what they did, that they had always purposefully talked around how they felt without quite putting it into words—or at least, that was what he had always done.
"May I, Toge?" Yuuta's thumb traced around the scars on his cheek gently, grounding in tenderness. Toge swallowed down the fluttering in his belly and nodded faintly. Yuuta’s fingertips tucked below his jaw, pressed firmly into his skin and tipped his head up. "Good," Yuuta breathed, barely audible over the whirring of insects. The shadows rippled across his face, the ghost of a smile painting his lips as he leaned in.
Toge's eyes slid shut, the anticipation bubbling up into his chest, into his throat. He pressed closer, meeting Yuuta's lips softly, and in that instant, the rest of the world swirled away. Nothing else mattered but the gentle caress of their lips as they learned the shape and taste of one another, and the grounding pressure of Yuuta’s arms around him.
Eventually, though, Yuuta pulled away, breathing softly against his cheek. He pressed a smile to Toge’s skin, and it once again made his breath catch in his throat. He tipped his face forward, hid himself in the curve of Yuuta's shoulder, under his chin once again.
A laugh rumbled softly through Yuuta's chest under his ear. He folded his arms around Toge tighter when he shivered, the tender rub of his fingertips along his back warding off the chill. Yuuta buried his nose into Toge's hair, exhaling slowly and loudly. "Now we should probably both go dry off, for real," he mused softly. "We could just…go home? Like..."
Toge wanted to say no, to stay right where they were and never move, so long as Yuuta didn't let him go. He knew that was more of an impossibility than anything else. He nodded, nose bumping against Yuuta's shoulder, and reluctantly pulled away. “Tea?” he asked.
Yuuta nodded, a smile on his lips. “Tea,” he agreed.