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Snow fell gently as Dylan’s bus screeched to a stop. It was only December 13th, yet he still carried a newspaper-comic-wrapped gift between his right arm and side. The gift nearly tumbled from his grasp onto the gray melted slush when he stepped off of the bus.
Goddamnonehandedbullsh- he mumbled to himself as he wrapped both arms around the gift in front of his chest. He thought about the prosthetic hand he left at home - he was still getting used to it, and he felt embarrassed fumbling with it in front of others. Dylan decided to leave it behind today. The people he was meeting up with knew about his limb and its permanent and messy separation from the rest of him all too well.
There was a small part of him - well, really a good-sized, medium part - that was surprised when Emma initially made the Hacketteers Group Chat all those months ago, once the young adults were acquitted and sent their separate ways. He has first hand (ha) experience with a friend group dissolving after confronting much less, and none of those experiences included at least one friend shooting another with a shotgun. Dylan was absolutely shocked, however, when Emma invited the group to a holiday party at her home.
Emma: guys guys guys guys guysssssss!!!
Nick: guys i think emma is trying to tell us something
Jacob: what is it emma??? Timmy fall down a well???
Abi: emma has a great idea guys :D
Kaitlyn(buttface): Emma, spill
Emma: we should have………drumroll please, Dylan
Emma: oh… wait I’m so sorry
Dylan: Okay, that’s ANOTHER dollar for the inadvertent-reminder-Dylan-has-only-one-hand-jar.
Dylan: We’re at like 25 bucks guys.
RyanRyan: So, what, the money is a “handout”?
RyanRyan: :D
Dylan: How could you do this to me
Emma: OKAY FOCUS, Dylan, I can give you your handout money at the first annual Hacketteer Christmas Party!!
Jacob: dude FUCK YES!!!
Nick: hmm i am intrigued
Abi: i think it’s an awesome idea :)) we can do secret santa and drink hot chocolate and actually hang out all together again!
Emma: Yeah and my parents are taking my brother and sister on a trip so we’ll have the casa all to ourselves~
Kaitlyn(buttface): Fuck it, I’m in. No mistletoe bullshit though.
Jacob: there could be a lil mistletoe…
Nick: i’m in too, only if jacob gets a mouthful of coal
Abi: yaaaaay :D ryan? dylan?
Dylan received a separate text from Ryan, now listed in his phone as RyanRyan, because he is a glutton for all things cheesey.
RyanRyan: What do you think?
RyanRyan: Do you want to go? I’ll only go if you go.
Dylan felt a warmth in his chest after reading that.
Dylan: I am a little anxious about it… but I think it could be a lot of fun.
Dylan: I haven’t seen Kaitlyn and them since… you know. Aaaaaaaand we could finally have a great excuse to put all of our little pennies together and see each other!
RyanRyan: Let’s do it.
A second later he saw Ryan respond to the group chat.
RyanRyan: Dylan and I are in.
Dylan was surprised he answered for the both of them, making it appear as though the two were a package deal. Where one goes, the other follows.
In the months following the Hackett’s Quarry Massacre, Ryan and Dylan fell into the habit of talking on the phone almost daily. Sometimes for a few minutes, sometimes for a few hours. There were a handful of times one woke the other up in the morning and the two stayed on the line until the other fell asleep at night. They talked about everything and nothing. Sometimes there were stretches of silence, but Dylan never felt like he had to fill those with stupid jokes and sexual innuendos. He did, sometimes, but that was more to make Ryan laugh rather than the desperate need to keep the conversation moving.
Nick: i don’t think we have time to unpack that right now
Abi: awwww yay! everyone’s in :)
Jacob: gift idea for whoever gets me…
Jacob posted a link to an online auction listing for Peanut Butter Butterpops. The out-of-date treats were selling for 50 bucks, and there was one bag left.
Nick: okay an idea for whoever gets me
Nick then posted the exact same link, where the bidding price was now $55.
Jacob: NICK WHAT THE FUCK!!!???
Dylan: I tried to find a listing for one glove but I think they were all snatched up by the all the three-handers in the world
Dylan: those greedy fucks
Emma then sent out a link to a secret santa organization website, where a name from the list was randomly assigned to each Hacketteer. The gift limit was set to $20 - a still lavish expense for college kids living off of McDonald’s and InstantNoods.
“Dylan Lenivy, you have: KAITLYN KA.”
Dylan was bummed he didn’t get Ryan, but also somewhat relieved. He had no idea what sort of gift he could give to someone who has already given him so much. Ryan gave Dylan the gift of still being in his life every single day. How do you repay that?
The Uber to Emma’s tasteful mansion from his bus stop was an added twenty dollar expense to the already wallet-draining trip, but Dylan felt it was worth it. He was going to see his friends again, all in one place, since… Since the worst fucking night of their entire lives.
But they’re alive. Dylan repeated it to himself, under his breath. We’re alive. We’re alive. We’re alive.
It was a mantra Dylan found himself repeating in front of the mirror whenever the night terrors became too much. A mantra that he and Ryan would repeat on the phone together when one or both of them needed grounding.
One time, once both boys confirmed they felt better, Dylan began, “We have two hands, we have two - oh SHIT.”
Dylan thinks that was the loudest he had ever made Ryan laugh.
“DYLAAAAN!!!” Emma shouted directly into Dylan’s eardrum as she hugged him.
Abi was right on her heels. “Dylan! It’s so great to see you!” She piled onto the already suffocating hug, but Dylan was happy anyway.
“Dylan, dude, my man! How’s it hanging?” Jacob reached out for a high five after Abi peeled Emma off of Dylan. Dylan stared at Jacob’s hand, then back to his own single hand gripping the present. “My bad,” Jacob sheepishly whispered as he leaned in for a side hug.
“You’re lucky I didn’t have enough hands to bring the jar, Jacob!”
Nick laughed from the couch a few feet away, warming his hands in front of the fire in Emma’s living room. Or, actually, this probably counts as a den in a house this nice.
“Dildo, get your ass in here! I want to hug you but I’m wrist deep in marshmallows!”
Smiling, Dylan added his gift to the small pile by the Christmas tree, took off his jacket, and hung it on the already overflowing coat rack by the front door. He also added his boots to the small pile of footwear growing in the doorway. The sight made his chest swell - it meant gathering and friendship and warmth. They were together again.
“Is that what the kids are calling it these days?” Dylan strode across the kitchen and hugged Kaitlyn from behind.
“Calling what who now?” Kaitlyn briefly looked towards Dylan before stirring the comically large pot of hot chocolate.
“Being wrist deep in marshmallows?”
Kaitlyn stopped stirring long enough to give Dylan a death glare. “I don’t know how Ryan talks to you everyday. The night-that-shall-not-be-named must’ve actually broken his brain.” She returned to her cauldron of chocolatey goodness.
“W-wait how did you know…?” Did Ryan talk about him to Kaitlyn?
Kaitlyn gave a knowing smile. “He’s my friend too, knucklehead. Do you know how many times I’ve asked him to hop on a game only to be told that the lovely-and-not-at-all-annoying Dylan Lenivy was occupying him on the other line?”
Dylan’s stammer matched his bright-red cheeks.
Just then, Dylan heard a knock at the door, followed by Emma’s boisterous “RYAAAAN!”
Kaitlyn looked up at the frozen-in-place, wide-eyed boy. “Well? What are you waiting for, dork? Go!” And with that, Dylan not-at-all-casually ran to the den. Or maybe it’s a sitting room?
Emma, Abigail, and Jacob all crowded around the door, blocking the last guest from Dylan’s view. Dylan nervously fiddled the bottom button on his flannel. Ryan complimented this very flannel during one of their day-long video calls, and suddenly it felt like it was on fire and he was on fire and everything was on fire now Ryan was now only ten feet away from him.
Finally, finally, a familiar figure broke through the retaining wall of his tipsy friends and met his eyes. Brown, beautiful eyes he has only seen through a phone lens or webcam for the past five months stared back at him. Time froze.
Finally, Ryan smiled a toothy grin, and Dylan returned the favor. Dylan stepped forward and Ryan stepped forward until the two met in one of the greatest hugs Dylan has ever felt in his entire fucking life. Dylan would have teared up if it wasn’t for his view of Jacob behind Ryan, giving a very encouraging thumbs up to Dylan.
“Sooo, is that gift for little old me?” Dylan tilted his head towards the small rectangular box in Ryan’s hand.
“You wish.” Dylan had heard hours upon hours of Ryan’s monotone over the past several months, but the vibrations now traveled through the air and straight into Dylan’s chest in a way that was impossible even with the best quality headphones he could afford.
“Okay boners and lady-boners, hot chocolate’s ready!” Kaitlyn called out in a sing-song from the kitchen.
Nick, Emma, Abi, and Jacob walked around the two boys, leaving them standing in the middle of the sitting room.
“It’s really nice to see you, Ryan-Ryan” Dylan finally said, breaking the shy silence between the two.
Ryan reached across the short space between them and placed his hand on Dylan’s shoulder.
“Likewise, Dylan-Dylan.”
The seven young men and women poured themselves mugs of hot chocolate with generous splashes of different liquors. Jacob did a spit-take when he realized he spiked his drink with Peppermint Schnapps. “It’s like drinking mouthwash?! Em, I’m so sorry,” he exclaimed to Emma, who was unfortunate enough to be standing in front of Jacob during said spit-take. Emma, who was just happy to see her friends all together in one place again, let Jacob off with an earlobe flick before changing her clothes.
Mugs full and chatter growing amongst the group, Emma led her friends back to the den where the presents lie.
“Can we open presents noooooow, Em? There’s a gift that looks suspiciously like a bag of Peanut Butter Butterpops…”
Nick looked towards Jacob from his seat in front of the fire, “oh Jakey those are actually mine mate, I got myself in the draw.”
“I swear to god, I am going to pop pop someone in their peanut butter popping ass if I have to keep hearing about these goddamn Peanut Butter Butterpops.” Kaitlyn narrowed her eyes, glancing between Jacob and Nick in mock anger. Well, Jacob hoped it was mocking.
“Jacob, you’re lucky I cannot wait another minute for gifts. Let’s get to Santa-ing!” Emma danced as she walked over to the beautifully decorated Christmas tree and Abi followed close behind. The two of them carried the gifts to the floor in the middle of the circle the friends created.
Dylan, realizing he hadn’t made a joke in a while, spoke aloud. “Hey, anybody wanna play truth or -”
Jacob and Abi unanimously responded with a resounding “NO.”
Dylan raised his right hand and left stump in surrender. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. You wouldn’t hurt a man with one hand, would you?”
“I would.” Kaitlyn smiled towards Dylan.
“Honestly, that’s pretty progressive, thanks Kaitlyn.” Dylan nodded towards Kaitlyn in appreciation.
Kaitlyn held Dylan’s gaze before ever so slightly lifting her eyebrows and glancing towards Ryan. He was sitting next to Dylan on the floor, leaving no hint of space between the two. Dylan looked down to the floor, but smiled. Ryan was too involved in his conversation with Nick to have noticed the exchange, but, as if he somehow saw the interaction and wanted to put in his two cents, placed a hand on Dylan’s back as he laughed at Nick teasing Jacob.
Dylan’s cheeks turned to a jolly shade of scarlet.
Emma commanded the focus of the group once more. “GUYS! Okay, who’s gift isssssss this?” She lifted a box that was sloppily wrapped in 'Happy Birthday' wrapping paper and a flattened bow.
Nick grimaced before raising his hand. Emma lifted an eyebrow, causing Nick to say “uhhh, you know, because Jesus?” The group broke out into laughter as Nick leaned over to grab the gift from Emma’s grasp. “So, do I just give it to the person or?”
“It’s going to be difficult for them to open it if you don’t, my guy.” Jacob teased before taking a sip of his hot chocolate.
“Alrighty then. Ryan, this box has your name on it!” Nick sat up on his knees to pass the box to Ryan across the circle. "Not literally, though."
Ryan reached across and took the gift with a small smile. He inspected it closer, and noted that Nick took the time to sloppily write ‘Jesus’ next to each instance of ‘Happy Birthday!’. “Nick, I really admire the dedication, man.”
Ryan ripped into the wrapping paper, revealing a plain white box. Inside the box was a black t-shirt with red and white print depicting an image of Moth Man, Ryan’s favorite cryptid. “Dude! Nick, thanks!”
Nick just smiled and nodded, sipping from his mug to give him something to do.
Dylan smiled outwardly, but felt a flash of anxiety inside of him. Of course, Ryan loved graphic t-shirts. Dylan could have gotten him one as a small gift separate from the Secret Santa. He made a mental note to send one to Ryan once he returned home.
Nick chimed in then, asking “alright, who goes next?”
Emma tapped her chin while making a thinking face. “I don’t know actually. Should we have the person who received a gift then give their gift?”
For a brief moment, Ryan looked mildly panicked. This was quickly resolved, however, as Jacob excitedly clapped his hands, saying, “please please please me next, the anticipation is killing me!”
“Okay, okay, manbaby! Whoever has Jacob, please rise.” Emma motioned towards the gift pile. Abi sheepishly stood up and grabbed the package that Jacob believed to be the Peanut Butter Butterpops from earlier.
“Jacob, please remember the gift limit was twenty bucks!” Abi handed the package towards Jacob, not meeting his eyes.
Jacob did not hesitate a single second before going in for the kill. He unwrapped the gift with the ferocity of a five year old before his eyes widened and his mouth hung open.
“ABI!!” Jacob cheered before lifting up the burnt orange t-shirt in front of the group. On the front of the t-shirt was a demented looking squirrel with yellow text proclaiming ‘Pop Pop Peanut Butter Butterpops!’ He turned the shirt around, revealing more text. ‘Pop, pop, pop them in your mouth! POP!’
“Yeah, so a real deal vintage Peanut Butter Butterpops t-shirt is actually like 75 bucks, so I remade the graphic myself and screen printed it. Um, Merry Christmas Jake! Sorry it isn’t actual Peanut Butter Butterpops.” Abi smiled nervously towards Jacob.
Jacob launched from his chair and gave Abi a great big bear hug. “DUDE! This is even better than a Peanut Butter Butterpop, because this shirt isn’t in my stomach five seconds later. Thank you Abi! I’m going to put this on right now!”
Without hesitation, Jacob removed his long sleeve shirt, flashing his abdominal muscles to the rest of the group. The girls whistled and Dylan asked if it was getting Magic Mike-y in here for anyone else.
“So, what, are we all getting t-shirts?” Kaitlyn looked to the gift pile skeptically.
Dylan shrugged. “I mean, we all have to wear them. Well, except maybe Jacob. And Nick, you’re pretty cut too right? Oh and R-ow!” Ryan playfully elbowed Dylan in the ribs before he could finish his sentiment.
The group began to chatter with excitement for the rest of the gift-giving. Jacob revealed he was Emma’s secret santa, and she opened her gift to reveal a bright pink yet heavy duty portable tripod for her cell phone. “For your video logs!” he beamed. Emma rolled her eyes but smiled, giving Jacob a kiss on the cheek in thanks.
Emma then gave her gift to Abi, blushing as Abi opened it. Under the wrapping was a sketchbook with a beautiful faux-leather cover. Abi squealed and opened to the first page, revealing a stick figure drawing Emma made depicting what could be considered a representation of Abi and Emma. “What? You’re the artist!” Emma shrugged before getting hugged tightly by Abi.
“Okay, that was a closed loop, so now I go!” Kaitlyn interjected, picking up her gift and handing it to Nick. The present was wrapped perfectly, with a perfectly tied ribbon and a big beautiful bow. Kaitlyn shrugged. “What? I worked as a gift wrapper at the mall for a couple of years before becoming a camp counselor, so sue me!”
Nick carefully unwrapped the gift, revealing a magnetic darts set. “No way! Jakey, want to see who has the better aim? Oh, wait, we already did once, and I recall winning…” Nick laughed as Jacob narrowed his eyes at him.
“O-kay, and that is why I got the magnetic kind and not the pointy kind!” Kaitlyn added quickly.
Dylan reluctantly pulled away from under Ryan’s hand in order to grab his newspaper-comic-wrapped gift for Kaitlyn. Her eyes lit up and she ripped into the gift with almost as much excitement as Jacob. She held up its contents - a yellow baseball cap with the phrase ‘Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss' embroidered across the front, as well as a set of Uno cards. “They both reference your blood lust and violent tendencies,” Dylan stated matter-of-factly. Kaitlyn then punched his shoulder before throwing her arms around him.
"We are playing Uno before the night is over, and I will kick all of your asses." Kaitlyn said as she placed her knew baseball cap onto her head.
Emma looked at the solitary gift in the middle of the circle. It was a small blue box with a single golden ribbon wrapped around it to keep it closed. “Okay, who’s left?”
“Uhhh, that would be mine.” Ryan nervously drawled in his monotone before grabbing the box. Dylan noticed the red that tinted Ryan’s cheeks and ears.
“Uhhh, Merry Christmas, Dylan,” Ryan looked down as he handed the small box to the boy on his left. In all of the excitement of seeing others open gifts, Dylan forgot that he would be receiving one too. Somehow, he didn’t even consider the possibility that Ryan could’ve drawn his name.
Dylan’s stomach tied itself in a knot as he stuttered a thanks. He felt like his heart was going to explode out of his chest. What on Earth could Ryan have picked out for him that would fit inside of such a small box? Chopsticks? (Ryan made fun of Dylan anytime he fumbled while eating Chinese takeout during a video call.)
Dylan froze after removing the lid to the box. Inside lay a small, metallic hand.
“You’re… giving me a hand?” Dylan looked up at Ryan before gently lifting the object out of the box. The metallic hand was posed as if it was reaching out for something, and was attached to a long, delicate metal chain.
“Uhhh yeah. I guess I am.” Dylan chuckled before Ryan continued. “Uhh, well, you know that metal works class I’m taking this semester? I made a mold of a little hand I carved up and casted it in silver and turned it into a necklace and that’s how we got here today,” Ryan rambled, gaining speed until reaching his conclusion.
“Th-thank you Ryan, it’s stunning! I can’t believe you made this! Wait, I mean, yes I can, you’re a great artist. Uh,” Dylan stuttered before showing the group the silver hand up close. Emma and Abi gasped and Jacob and Nick nodded in approval. Dylan then gently lifted the necklace above his head to put it on. The weight of the hand was perfect - light enough to not weigh down his chest, but weighted enough to make him feel grounded. It felt like the hug he received from Ryan earlier that night.
Kaitlyn quickly stood and addressed the group. “Okay, who needs a top off of their boozy hot chocolate, because I know I do!” Dylan attempted to stand before feeling Kaitlyn’s hand weigh down his head. “Not you!” she stage-whispered to him before walking with the group towards the kitchen. He turned to look at Ryan, who was not making a move to leave the den.
“Uh oh, are we being cut off? I didn’t even flash my non-existent abs to anyone!” Dylan joked in mock outrage. “I’m not even tipsy!”
Ryan chuckled. “No, Kaitlyn just knows I didn’t really wanna show the second part of my gift in front of everyone.”
Dylan raised an eyebrow in both confusion and intrigue. “A second part? I’m still fuckin’ amazed with the first part! This is really amazing Ryan,” he lifted the hand for a closer inspection, and he noticed ‘DD’ inscribed in the palm.
Ryan smiled and pulled at a chain around his own neck, revealing an almost identical silver hand pendant from beneath his sweater. He lifted it so Dylan could have a closer look. He noticed Ryan’s palm had ‘RR’ inscribed instead.
Dylan’s brain went everywhere and nowhere all at once. He was at a loss for words. Ryan hand sculpted this matching set of necklaces from scratch. He casted it out of- “You said silver?” Dylan laughed, and Ryan followed suit.
“Yeah, I thought it would be… Uhhh I don’t know, symbolic?” Ryan scratched the back of his head and Dylan just smiled at him.
“Uhhh, one more thing…” Ryan nearly whispered as he grabbed the pendant around Dylan’s neck. He pulled it closer to his own pendant, pulling Dylan closer to him as a result, before the two silver hands leapt across the empty space, magnets pulling them together to make them embrace.
Dylan stared at the two silver hands grasping onto one another, his face mere inches away from Ryan’s. “Oh my god,” was all he could muster before looking back up with widened eyes, meeting Ryan’s gaze.
“Oh, so, you hate it huh?” Ryan teased, causing Dylan to snort.
Dylan took on a more serious tone than Ryan is used to hearing. “This is… the most amazing gift I have ever received in my entire life. Thank you, Ryan. I love it so much. Wait, Kaitlyn knew?”
Ryan shyly looked towards the ground. “She, uh, was the one to draw your name, actually, originally. I traded with her.”
Dylan laughed, “I’m pretty sure that’s, like, a sin against Santa, man!”
Ryan shook his head. “Pfft, fine, I’ll get coal. Whatever.” Ryan placed his hand on Dylan’s knee and squeezed. "Just, like, the past few months have been some of the hardest in my life. And the entire time, despite the distance, you've been there. Holding on."
Dylan could only nod and smile, tears threatening to spill from his eyes.
“Listen, I think Kaitlyn can only hold off everyone in the kitchen for so long. Let’s go join them.”
As much as Dylan wanted to remain seated by Ryan’s side, silver hands embraced, he nodded and stood up. The silver hands drew apart, resting on their chests, waiting for the moment they could embrace once more.
He could hear chatter and laughter from the kitchen. For once in his life, he didn't feel a wave of anxiety due to being left out. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t the one making people laugh or was missing out on conversations and inside jokes. He had what he wanted, what he needed, right next to him.
Ryan squeezed Dylan’s hand once before they started walking towards the kitchen. Once they made it through the entryway, they were stopped by everyone looking their way expectantly from the kitchen.
“Uhhh guys?” Ryan questioned the group in front of them before Jacob, smiling like a fox, pointed a finger above Dylan’s head. Both boys looked up only to find a single mistletoe taped to the doorframe.
Dylan laughed, shaking his head. What a funny prank, he thought, until he looked towards Ryan, who had a gentle smile on his face that matched his blushing cheeks. Before Dylan could respond, Ryan lifted his face towards Dylan’s, placing the softest kiss on his lips. It took Dylan’s brain a moment to register what was happening, but once it did, he lifted his hand to Ryan’s cheek, gently kissing him back.
When they finally pulled away, they ignored the cheers and whistles and claps from the small crowd in front of them, staring only into each other’s eyes.
“Merry Christmas, Dylan.”
“Merry Christmas, Ryan.”