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The thing was, he never anticipated actually getting anything out of this aside from a night of relived tension and pleasure. In fact, he hadn’t believed there would be more than a single night at all. It’d been such a slow build between them, at least until the slight hostility wore off and Bull found that flirting with Dorian was much more satisfying than taking jabs at the ‘Vint because of a cultural war that had no personal significance between them. No, once Bull said the first flirtatious words (and they’d come out as his normal playful banter, nothing intentional) and Dorian reacted in a stuttering fit, he suddenly knew he couldn’t go without dropping more innuendos for the chance to see the uptight ‘Vint become flustered as he so very rarely did.
It was fun at first and Bull had no intentions on actually pursuing Dorian, only teasing. Over the course of spending a few months together, however, things changed and Bull, not at all blind to Dorian’s attractiveness, found that physical lure catching his eye more and more often. He brushed it off as a piqued sex drive and may have slept his way through the tavern’s line of barmaids a few times over, but his eye was still drawn to Dorian and his tight leather clothes and golden skin. His sharp wit and bladed tongue only heightened the appeal. His teasing of the mage may have turned a bit spiteful at that point and he’d like to say it happened unknowingly, but Bull had far better control over himself to allow his body and mind to do something he didn’t warrant. At that point, he wanted to rile Dorian up and get him just as hot and bothered.
The mage was stubborn as well, and it took a couple of months as well as a few pints of ale to finally get Dorian to loosen up and fall into Bull’s bed. Their first night together was intense, all hot bodies and burning kisses and bruising touches and a rough, frantic meeting of their bodies. A tipsy Dorian begged for a hard fucking and Bull fucked him hard, three times over. Several hours of foreplay and sex helped douse the fire that had slowly built between them and the following morning Bull woke up alone and satisfied. It was a long and slowly drawn out thing between him and Dorian and finally they’d reached the climax and that following morning he was allowed to bask in the denouement of their rather shallow and cliché story.
It was supposed to end there; they’d cleaned their hands of their sexual tension and had their one night together to let it burn out before they focused on the war and other pursuits.
Yet the very next day after that night, Bull found his mouth opening and the words tumbling out, “So, Dorian…about last night…”
He followed through and teased the mage but during the entire exchange he felt so bewildered with himself for bringing it up again, and in front of other members of the inner circle at that. He contemplated the action that night at the tavern, not fully joining in with his Charger’s enthusiastic drinking as he usually did and keeping more to himself with a thoughtful look. He didn’t miss the looks he got from Krem. In the end, he chalked up his words to Dorian as an almost reflexive action, having teased Dorian in a sexual way for months leading up to their night and it had simply become an almost thoughtless thing that he’d have to work to retrain himself out of.
That was it then, he thought. They had their meaningless night of fun, definitely one Bull would remember for a long, long time (his first mage, after all) and they could return to being partners on the battlefield and nowhere else.
Two weeks later, he found a relaxed and tipsy Dorian joining his company for a drink along with Sera and the entire night he endured heated glances from the sultry mage and somehow found the magic user with him in bed later that night, straddling his hips and bouncing happily on his cock like it was the greatest pleasure in the entire world.
He wanted to cross it off as a freak thing, as him accommodating Dorian’s wants but he couldn’t deny the sheer want he felt himself. He had refused to acknowledge it before but it seemed the attraction between them was genuine from its birth and likely not something so easily ignored, especially not with Dorian always in that tight leather and hips swishing this way and that whenever he walked.
Bull let it continue. He and Dorian hooked up a few nights each week and Bull couldn’t deny the regular sex he was getting (and it was pretty fantastic sex) or the fact that it was without any strings attached with Dorian running off in the middle of the night and both of them avoiding any such discussions that might indicate whatever this was having any significant meaning. It was relief during stressful times and that was that.
Until it wasn’t. Until Dorian had his run-in with his father. When he and the Inquisitor returned from Redcliffe, Dorian had disappeared up into the library and Bull was none the wiser of any happenings until that night when he was undressing for sleep and a knock sounded at his door. When he opened it he found Dorian, slightly wobbly, head down and a half-full bottle of wine clutched tightly in his hand. He observed the mage, completely uncertain what had put him in such a state (he’d been unaware of why Dorian and the Inquisitor had ventured out to the village beforehand). He wordlessly moved aside and Dorian shuffled inside the room and stood uncertainly before the bed, staring at the blankets and pillows like he was trying understand their purpose. Bull moved around Dorian to stand before the young ’Vint and simply took the bottle from his hand, setting it on his dresser and waited.
After a deep, shuddering breath Dorian whispered, “Tell me-” before shaking his head and reiterating, “Show me, please. Show me that this isn’t wrong. Show me that I’m not wrong.” Bull wasn’t sure what he meant but he took a chance, leaning down to kiss Dorian and when the other responded with bruising force and hard nips to his lips, he knew he was right and he took him to bed, fucking him with hard, unrelenting thrusts that he knew Dorian enjoyed the most. Something was definitely off as Dorian hadn’t allowed him to dawdle for very long on foreplay and had practically begged to be fucked until he couldn’t see or think straight. Bull managed to get Dorian to come three times before he allowed himself to finally come inside the exhausted mage. After, he fell onto the bed beside Dorian, their sides touching lightly being the only contact between them. He was certain Dorian had passed out when the mage spoke, “I met with my father.” Before this point Bull knew practically nothing about Dorian’s family and frankly he wasn’t entirely keen on any kind of discussion happening. There were no families under the Qun so he felt a bit helpless on the subject but he figured the least he could do was give the man he’d been fucking for weeks an ear to listen. What he hadn’t anticipated at the end of Dorian spilling every doubt and fear and bit of anger and frustration was to feel some of that anger and frustration arise within himself. He understood the meaning of Dorian’s words now.
‘Show me this isn’t wrong.”
By the end of Dorian’s angry rant, Bull glanced to him to see a hand rubbing at defined cheekbones to quickly get rid of any tears that Bull knew were there. It was a deciding moment and Bull had a few choices. He could have made it easier on himself, giving Dorian a few bullshitted lines of advice as faked condolences but the mere thought of doing that didn’t sit right with him and even felt mildly revolting. As he suddenly warred with himself on what to do and the implications of his actions, beside him Dorian actually sniffled, which seemed too much of an undignified thing for him to normally do and Bull looked at him to see the mage had covered his face with his hands, his shoulders shook with barely controlled sobs and there was a faint whisper to be heard.
“Stupid, Dorian, you’re so stupid…”
Stupid for leaving home? For thinking running from his problems would work? Or, Bull wondered and the very thought shot a spike of cold through him and he had that odd feeling of his stomach bottoming out, was Bull’s extended silence and inaction making Dorian feel stupid for having spilled his guts in some pathetic post-orgasm fit of stress and emotions?
There was some sort of trust here. There were so many other doors Dorian could have run off to for comfort on this night yet he chose Bull’s. He trusted Bull. He sought Bull out.
Dorian needed Bull.
He didn’t provide any words of comfort after making his decision. Instead he carefully pulled Dorian’s hands from his face, observing the drying tear tracks on his cheeks and gently cupped the mage’s face, placing a soft kiss on Dorian’s lips before gathering his in his arms and comforting him into sleep.
From then on, their time together became about what Dorian needed. Bull provided Dorian with an escape, with a friendship, with a safe place where he could relax and unwind and just be himself without the harsh judgment of outsiders. He gave Dorian his ear whenever he had a long winded rant and needed someone to listen without comment, and he gave Dorian a different distraction instead of leaving him to drown everything out with copious amounts of liquor. Over time he took his place as solid ground and a sturdy rock to keep Dorian grounded.
As the months went by and Bull found himself becoming far more attached to Dorian than he ever intended to be, Dorian pushed…pushed for something. “I get it, I do,” he’d say and it was becoming a more common argument between them. “You’ve told me before, you want to give me what I need, what I want. But what about you? What do you want?”
Whenever he brought this argument up and ended with that same question, Bull only heard some sort of muffled cry for something meaningful, something official, some kind of commitment. Couples in a relationship did that, didn’t they? They provided and took care of each other’s needs and wants. He’d never been in a relationship before. The Qun didn’t have relationships, marriages, families…
You are Tal-Vashoth now, he reminded himself. The teachings of the Qun no longer applied to him.
Bull was removing his leg brace when Dorian pushed the subject again. The mage was already naked and pacing about the room, letting out periodical huffs and shuffling jars and vials about on his vanity without true purpose. Bull had heard of the rather frustrating run-in the Inquisitor and the rest of the group had with a group of Venatori that morning and Dorian had been along for the fight. Bull had watched Dorian grow more and more frustrated with the vile workings of his countrymen and his inability to really do anything significant to rectify the issue. Over the weeks it was wearing the mage down and when Dorian slammed the door open to Bull’s room on this night, Bull didn’t hesitate to move towards the angrily ranting ‘Vint, pin him to the wall, strip him bare and sink to his knees and suck Dorian’s dick as a distraction from his troubled mind. While he felt tension leave Dorian’s body, it all returned almost immediately after Bull got Dorian to come in his mouth and this time for a different yet familiar reason.
“If you weren’t such a damned closed book, if you would actually just talk to me, ask me…there must be something I can do for you.” Dorian was leaning forward, hands braced on the vanity and clenched into fight fists. His shoulders were hunched and so tight it looked painful. Bull sat on the bed and looked over Dorian’s naked back. “I hate this,” Dorian spoke quietly yet sharply. “You can read me so easily, instantly understand what I need, know what’ll make things better and you just do it.” He turned his head and glanced at Bull over his shoulder and Bull expected to be glared at. He wasn’t ready for the look of disappointment and guilt. “I hate that I can’t do the same for you. I want to give you something, anything you want or need, anything to show how much I-” He stopped short right there and bit his lip. Bull already knew what he was about to say and didn’t push.
It was only supposed to be that one night, Bull thought right then, but this had become far more than one night a very long time ago. It was evident in how Dorian no longer snuck off in the middle of the night and was even slowly moving to take permanent residence in Bull’s room, in how Bull always sought Dorian out at supper to make sure he ate and was taken care of, in how they set aside the scarce time they had to simply spend an afternoon or two together each week just to be by themselves and talk and enjoy each other’s company. This was supposed to be nothing. But nothing turned into helping Dorian through his tough patches, and that gradually turned into this unacknowledged but kind of official commitment they silently made to each other. The thing of it was that Bull always wanted Dorian to know that Bull was there to take care of him that he had always neglected to let Dorian know that he was unknowingly being given what he wanted and needed each day as well.
“Does it bother you so much, Kadan?”
This time Dorian did glare at him, spinning on his heels and facing Bull with defensively crossed arms. “That I feel like a selfish, useless, manipulative, awful human being who has monopolized your time and kindness without giving anything of sufficient equivalent purpose or meaning back to you? No, not at all, not in the slightest! Perhaps I’ve truly fooled you, perhaps I really am the evil magister everyone here so lovingly enjoys painting me to be and I’ve just been using you to get everything I wanted without having to give anything back! Fooled the big Qunari spy, I did! Yay for me!”
Dorian’s furious sarcasm actually caused a feeling of hurt to run through Bull. He noticed Dorian’s look waver, drifting to the dresser momentarily meaning he was already planning on dressing and escaping. “Kadan,” Bull called softly, knowing he’d have to act quickly to prevent Dorian from actually leaving. “Kadan, come here.” Bull sat up from his hunched position sitting on the edge of the bed and patted his lap. Dorian’s glare turned on him again and Bull could see the workings in his head through his pinched facial expression and understood a simple command wouldn’t work. It was like the night after Dorian explained his situation with his father and Bull’s inaction nearly cost what they had now. He couldn’t risk missing the chance and watching Dorian run off, feeling as hurt as he was.
“Please, I want you to come here.”
His words were honest but after the words and issue Dorian just spat at him it felt like a cheap trick. Still, Dorian hesitated a moment longer before he took the few steps forward and stood before Bull. “Close,” Bull said, “but I want you here.” He patted his legs again and reached forward, one hand gripping Dorian’s hip and pulling his body closer.
Dorian stumbled forward a bit before climbing to sit in Bull’s lap. He kept his head down but allowed his arms to slide over Bull’s shoulders. Bull’s hands moved to Dorian’s flanks, rubbing up and down the bare skin. Dorian’s skin was so soft and only slightly chilled and he felt the goosebumps give rise under his fingers. “Sometimes I focus too much on taking care of you that I forget you need to know you have a very important role in my life.” Bull leaned forward, bending his neck and lowering his head, bumping Dorian’s chin with his nose in a playful attempt to get the mage to pick his head up. It worked and Dorian looked up, looked at Bull who smiled contentedly at him and was pleased to get a small smile from Dorian in return. Leaning forward, he kissed Dorian, slowly and languidly, mouths open but the kiss was kept chaste and their tongues didn’t touch. Bull brought a hand up to cradle Dorian’s jaw and they parted very briefly for a quick gasp of air before they both surged forward again and connected their lips once more. Bull felt Dorian’s hands run up the back of his neck, his head, before grasping onto the base of his horns and gripping tightly, pulling him forward and refusing to break their kiss as though he’d perish if they were to part.
When the need for air became too great and they were forced apart, Dorian seemed to refuse any space between them and wrapped himself tightly around Bull in a hug and buried his face against Bull’s neck and nuzzled a bit. Bull chuckled and cupped the back of his head, fingers playing through the silky short strands of hair before he kissed Dorian’s temple. “Kadan, I want you to finish helping me undress. Then I need you to lay on your back on the bed so you’re comfortable.” He felt Dorian nod and the mage slipped away from their embrace, feet touching the floor as he stood. Silently Dorian reached for the only thing Bull was wearing and grasped the waistband of his pants and started tugging them down. Dorian kept his eyes down and Bull kept his eye on Dorian. He felt the faint vibrations in his chest as he started to purr, a involuntary action all Qunari had when feeling pleased and content, and he just barely stopped himself from chuckling when Dorian’s tongue peeked out slightly to wet his lips once Bull’s half-hard cock was exposed. “Bed,” Bull reminded him and stood up, kicking his pants from around his ankles and moved to the vanity across the room. He grabbed the one needed vial, oil infused with apple blossoms, elfroot, and some Orlesian flower he couldn’t remember the name of.
When he turned around and looked at Dorian he just stood there for a moment and took the time to stare at the offering before him. Dorian had set the pillows against the headboard so they supported his shoulders and he lay there, eyes looking to Bull’s expectantly as a smile, barely there but Bull learned how to see them when hardly anyone else noticed them, tugged at his lips. His hands were folded patiently over his stomach and his legs were stretched out yet when he looked from Bull to the vial Bull held, he shifted his hips lower and bent each leg before letting them fall open. An offering.
“You want to know what I want, Dorian? What I need?” He finally moves towards the bed and Dorian watches his every move as though Bull is a predator and ready to devour him. “You want to know so you can make sure you give it to me?” He stops by the bed and waits but Dorian doesn’t speak and Bull is thrown off a bit. It’s extraordinarily rare for Dorian to willingly remain silent and Bull knows there is meaning in it. Because, he knows, Dorian wants to listen instead of being heard right now and he’s clinging on to every single one of Bull’s words. Whoever calls this man selfish is a complete idiot.
Bulls climbs onto the bed, climbs over Dorian’s body and their faces align as Bull holds himself over Dorian. When he looks down at that face, there’s a smile and there’s happiness and Bull is completely disarmed all of a sudden and doesn’t know what to do. He felt a tremble run through his arms and he just stares as Dorian’s expectant expression and feels a warmth rise from his chest and his heart flutters and thuds out of rhythm. It takes him too long to notice he’s stopped breathing and the next breath in is careful and forced to not give away his sudden mesmerized state. “You, Kadan…” And the sudden realization of what he was doing, what it meant, the implications, crashes down onto him and he struggles through his words. “You give me exactly what I need every single day.”
Bull lowers himself onto his forearms, bracketing Dorian’s head and he allows his body to rest flush against the smaller one beneath him. He kisses Dorian as he did before, slow and drawn out and wanting this kiss to just push every emotion he feels right into Dorian. Bull starts a gentle rocking of his hips and Dorian hisses as their cocks come into contact, his hips jumping up suddenly. “I had to train very hard as a child to understand my own strength and to control it.” Bull’s hands trace down Dorian’s sides and grasp his hips, squeezing tightly but not with bruising force. His hands stray around and grip Dorian’s ass and he guides the mage’s body against his own. “I am a strong man who needs to be reminded every day of the power he wields and that it can be tamed and he has the power to be gentle.” Kisses are trailed along Dorian’s jaw and neck, lips skimming down to suckle of a nipple before teeth softly scrape over the nub. Dorian gasps and arches his back off the bed and Bull can feel his cock twitch against his own. “You give me your body, Kadan, you trust me to never hurt you. I will always know that I can bring pain and death, but I need to be reminded that I can also bring pleasure and comfort. You fulfill this need every moment we touch.”
Dorian’s biting his lip and his eyes are closed, face and chest flush and his entire body is shaking beneath Bull’s. He gasps again when Bull’s hands run along his thighs before pushing them apart and exposing him. “I no longer have the Qun. And I always feared that without the teaching, I’d lose myself, that I‘d cave into a madness of mindless slaughter because I have no direction.” Bull grabs the vial and pulls the stopper out, drizzling the slick oil over his fingers. Dorian’s entire body jolts when Bull eases a finger inside of him and he lets out a long, drawn out cry that has blood rushing to Bull’s cock, making it throb and begin to leak. “You ground me, Kadan. You give me stability, you give me familiarity, you give me something else to hold onto and to follow.” Because, Bull knows, if he didn’t have Dorian to care for, if he didn’t have this routine they’d fallen into, this predictable schedule, he’d stumble into nothing but the war and he’s afraid that if his mind is focused on the fight for too long he’d burnout again as he did in Seheron and become lost in the destruction the war brought to the mind. “I need you to keep helping me stay focused.”
He’s got three fingers in Dorian now, thrusting slowly and stretching him with ease. Dorian’s letting constant soft gasps and cries tumble from his open lips and his eyes are open and they look as though they might be becoming misty. Bull almost wants to stop, to put a cork on all of these emotions but he knows this is such a pivotal moment and something they both need that he keeps going. Dorian’s body is so relaxed and pliant he’s certain he could bend him in half without so much as cracking a single joint and Bull grasps the backs of Dorian’s thighs and settles them over his shoulders. He coats his thick cock with oil and guides himself to Dorian’s entrance. “Do you see now, Dorian? Do you understand that the thing I need most from you, is just you.” Dorian can’t answer, only moans as Bull enters him and when he’s fully seated he doesn’t move, only arranges their bodies so they’re pressed closely together, so every possible inch of them is touching. Bull slides his arms under Dorian’s back, forearms under the man’s shoulders and he leans down to cover Dorian’s entire upper body with his own. He bows his head, presses his face into Dorian’s neck and inhales, lost in the intoxicating scent of jasmine, of Dorian. This is far too much, far deeper than he anticipated to ever come, in this moment, in this entire relationship. He wasn’t supposed to get so emotionally invested. One night. It was only supposed to be one night.
Dorian’s arms wind around Bull’s back and nails dig into his skin as Dorian holds tight, tries to pull him closer. He whimpers when Bull starts to move within him, a rocking of his hips that’s less like thrusting and more like rubbing himself off inside Dorian. He can feel the tension in Dorian’s body, far too taunt and he’s afraid he’ll hurt him if he doesn’t loosen up. Bull bites a known pressure point on Dorian’s neck before licking the spot, whispering, “Relax, Kadan.” He’s forced to draw back slightly from their embrace because he wants to see Dorian’s face, needs to see the pleasure he’s bringing to this man. Dorian’s eyes are certainly watery now and he looks like he’s trying very hard to keep a cap on everything he’s feeling. Bull understands that this is all new to Dorian; this isn’t the rough sex he knows but lovemaking instead. Bull can see it on his face that this is a first and that a part of Dorian is thrilled and happy and another part of him is absolutely terrified. Bull understands this as well.
“You’ve shown me passion, Dorian, passion in having something worth fighting for. You’ve shown me defiance in not letting someone dictate how you should live your life. You’ve shown me that freewill comes with consequences but that it is worthwhile. I haven’t known these well in the past and you’ve shown me that I can want and have these things. I need you to keep reminding me that I am more than a tool of war. I need you to keep reminding me that I am a man worthy of purpose and opinion. I need you to keep reminding me that I should always want to be worthy of such a beautiful and spirited lover.”
The sob that escapes Dorian after Bull’s last words is brokenly stifled and it leads to shaking shoulders and a few tears leaving the corners of Dorian’s eyes. Bull kisses them away as he moves his hips faster, thrusting into Dorian now a bit more hastily as he feels his climax building. Words fall from Bull’s mouth now, wanting to get Dorian to finish in a most satisfying way. He knew Dorian unspeakingly craves praising words and despite him finally vocalizing his own wants and needs, and every word he spoken was honest and true, every bit of it was for Dorian and it would always be for Dorian. He needs to hear those things and Bull would always give him what he needed.
“My beautiful mage,” Bull murmurs by Dorian’s ear, “always such a good boy for me.” Bull thrusts his hips forward, each thrust hard and jostling Dorian’s body still cradled in his arms. Dorian’s breathing is ragged and his voice is loud and arousing and Bull knows he’s close. “I need you to come now, Dorian. Do that for me.”
It only took a few strokes of Bull’s hand and Dorian was arching up off the bed, voice loud and hoarse and Bull’s hand was slick with his seed. The tight clenching of Dorian’s muscles around his cock had Bull growling deeply in his throat as he thrust a few more times before spilling inside the spent mage and feeling a different kind of euphoria from their normal coupling. This was long and strong and Bull felt his cock twitching over and over until the world came crashing back down around him and he barely caught himself on his forearms to stop himself from crushing Dorian.
When he opened his eye and looked down at Dorian’s face, the mage was smiling at him, looking blissed out and like he’d finally come to peace with something that had been weighing heavily on him. There were still tears lingering in the corners of his eyes and the happiness here was unlike anything Bull had ever seen on Dorian’s face and he felt like he’d just been torn apart and put back together several times in a row. He couldn’t stop his smile when Dorian laughed, a jovial carefree laugh before Dorian’s arms pulled Bull down into a tight hug. “Emotional idiot, I hate you for everything you just made me feel.” His words are light and teasing but Bull was certain there was some honesty behind them.
Bull nuzzled Dorian’s jaw with his nose and hummed pleasantly when the mage kissed his cheek and whispered quietly against his skin, “Thank you.”