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Cristina Yang almost ran right into Meredith Grey as Mer was on her way to leave the hospital.
"Oh, hey, Cristina! Wanna get drunk at my house?"
"I can't tonight, I've got a surgery," she replied. Mer didn't have to know who it was on.
"Oh, alright. Make sure you don't overwork yourself. You being tired while operating is dangerous for both you and the patient."
"Yeah, yeah. It's not like I'm actually doing anything," Cristina was lying, but Meredith didn't know about Burke's tremor, and there was no reason she needed to find out. "Anyway, I have to go, I'm gonna be late. Don't want Burke starting without me."
Karev had somehow appeared next to Meredith without detection at some point during this exchange. He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, you'd better go running back to him. It's rare to see you without him attached to your hip, Yang."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Cristina turned to him angrily. Karev wasn't going to ruin this thing with Burke on her watch.
"Hey, I'm just saying that you do a lot of surgeries with Burke; maybe you should give other people a turn for once. No need to get your panties in a twist."
"Says you, always kissing Mark Sloan's ass. Maybe he'd like you if you'd let him breathe for a second."
"Woah, looks like someone didn't get her nap in today," Karev chuckled a bit.
"I will literally kill you, Karev, and nobody will find the body because I'll chop it up into these little pieces and then I'll just sprinkle them all throughout the place. Meredith will help me, right Mer? Tell him all about how nobody will find his dead body," she gestured to Meredith with her hand as a cue for her to speak.
Meredith replied, "I think I'm gonna stay impartial in this one, guys."
Cristina scoffed.
"I'm not done. Alex, do you really think it's fair to Cristina to make fun of her for working hard at her dream? And Cristina, you don't need to go for his throat every time you feel a little threatened. Just… Try to put yourselves in each others' shoes for a moment."
Alex shrugged. "Whatever."
Cristina rolled her eyes and started walking toward the OR. She was definitely going to be late now.
She tried to calm herself down by splashing water on her face as she was scrubbing in. It helped a little, but what mostly distracted her from the hatred directed at Alex Karev was thinking about the upcoming surgery. A heart surgery! It wasn’t her first, and it wouldn’t be her last, but it never got old, and she pretty much got to do the whole thing with Burke’s injury. It was also a pretty big and exciting surgery because she would be operating on her best friend's significant other. Derek's high blood pressure from being angry at Meredith all the time and worrying about how his hair looked had caused him to have an aortic dilation, and Burke was the only person he trusted to operate on him. Little did he know it was actually Cristina who would be doing it.
Cristina stepped into the OR and smiled under her surgical mask. She was going to kick this surgery's ass. Hopefully not the patient, though. It would be better if Derek's ass stayed unharmed.
She walked to the patient. Burke greeted her with a wave of his hand. Burke was one of her closest friends—the bar was pretty low, actually. Cristina was pretty much just using him for the extra surgeries. She did pretty much everything for him as he dealt with his tremor. It wasn't completely immoral; he was using her, too, so he wouldn't kill anyone or get fired. A lot of people thought they were dating. She shut down the rumor wherever she could, but some people, such as Karev, would never believe they weren't together. Anyone close to her knew, though. She didn't even like men. She didn't like anyone. She barely even liked Meredith as a friend.
Anyway, the surgery. Right. Cristina picked up the scalpel, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath, preparing to make the first incision.
She opened her eyes, and…wait, where was the patient? She was holding a shirt that was not her own. Cristina looked up. George fucking O'Malley way too close to her face. In her operating room with no shirt on, as well. The nerve of some people.
Well, hold on, was it his shirt she was holding? She assumed yes. When did this happen? A quick glance around told her that she was not, in fact, at Seattle Grace. She was in George's bedroom. This was very disorienting. What was going on?
O'Malley, who was already uncomfortably close, got even closer and kissed her on the mouth.
Hell no. She pulled away faster than she would hunt McDreamy down if he hurt Meredith again and shuddered.
"Hey, are you okay?" George asked, putting his hand on her shoulder.
Cristina coughed. "Um, one moment," she said in a deeper voice than should have been possible. She shook O'Malley's hand off of her and ran out of the room. The floor was further away than usual, like she was wearing tall heels.
Cristina glanced around the hallway. She was in Mer's house? This wasn't right; she was supposed to be operating right now. Why was she in George's room, of all places? Why did she have to see O'Malley so close up? What, exactly, was going on? She was fine with being friendly with him, but she did not need to see him shirtless. Cristina decided to just forget about this and go back to the hospital and try to get there to start her surgery before anyone noticed she was missing. Well, they probably already had. It had been a minute, and she hoped they'd noticed when she just poofed out of existence. She was almost through the kitchen to the front door when she heard Meredith come in. She ducked into the hallway. She didn't want to answer any questions from Meredith or have a conversation. She was on a mission: get back to her surgery.
Cristina heard footsteps and then George's voice. "Have you seen Alex? He's acting a bit weird."
Meredith replied, "Oh, is Alex here? It's not our normal movie night."
O'Malley chucked awkwardly. "Yeah, I, uh, I invited him over for d-dinner tonight. He's...really…uh, lonely. Um, yeah. And sad. A-anyway, I'm going to...um…order some pizza…I realized that I don't really know how to cook anything.."
That exchange didn't bring up any red flags in Cristina's mind. It had been awkward between those two for months, since…well, since the crying-during-sex thing.
She heard George's footsteps going away again—toward her. She turned and rushed into the bathroom, hitting her shoulder on the way in. "Ow." That was weird. She wasn't that clumsy, was she? She pulled the door closed and rubbed her shoulder… which did not have any clothing on it. Great. Cristina loved opening her eyes to being half naked in a room that wasn't even part of the building she should be in, making out with George O'Malley. Cristina looked down. No wonder she had spatial awareness issues, her shoulders were much broader than they should have been. Was she hallucinating? Her body was that of a buff man. Who—? She looked in the mirror. Alex Karev. Of course. Everything she knew about this man, she had learned against her will. This had to be some weird prank. Karev kept getting her like this. Someday she'd get him back. She flipped him off. He did the same. What?!
Okay. She should probably stay calm. She was somehow in Karev's body. That meant that whoever was in her body was having a hell of a time in surgery right now. Unless she had stopped existing, or maybe passed out? Also, where was Karev? Was he—? Shit. He didn't know about Burke's injury. Even worse, he thought they were dating. If he was in her body… She had to figure something out. She could drive to the hospital, but that might be too late for the patient. Oh, of course. She could call her phone and find out where her body was and who was in it. Duh.
Luckily, she was wearing pants. Being only half naked was as much of a win as she would get in this situation. She felt in her pockets until she found Alex's phone. Cristina flipped the device open and checked the time. It had only been around two minutes.
Okay, what was her phone number? She sat on the floor cross-legged against the wall as she dialed it.
It rang twice, then someone picked up. "Okay, put it to my ear," said someone on the other end of the line, a bit muffled.
"Hello?" This came through more clearly. It was her voice, but not quite her.
"I will kill you," Cristina muttered into the phone. It was best to start with a threat, in case this was the other person's fault.
"Well hello to you, too," said someone on the other end.
"Alex, is that you?"
"Of course it's Al—Cristina. Did you forget who you called?"
Okay, it was definitely Karev.
"Alex, I really will kill you this time."
"Ya—Karev, you think I did this?" the voice on the other end of the line lowered a bit. "If I were going to do something like this, I'd pick someone other than you to be."
"Okay, fine," Cristina believed that. Karev was also her last choice to trade bodies with. She would rather trade with Burke, or maybe Erica Hahn before her corruption arc. "This is somehow happening, though, and I have a vital piece of information to share with you."
"What do you need? Why are you talking so quietly?"
"Have you started the surgery yet?"
"No. I had an itch on my face."
"For the love of everything that is holy, please be serious about this."
"We haven't started yet. Come on, Y—Karev, it's not like I've never done a heart surgery before," said Alex.
Cristina breathed a sigh of relief. "What's the holdup?"
"Well, first of all, I got this phone call… Okay, I actually had a moment of self doubt."
"I'm guessing that's code for 'I opened my eyes and I was in the body of the great Cristina Yang and couldn't cope for a good couple of minutes.'"
"Yeah, sure. What do you want, Cr—Karev?"
"I really need to explain a few things about this surgery."
"It's gonna go fine, I'm assisting a master."
Cristina grimaced. "You don't get it, and you won't get it on your own. I need to talk to you in person. It would be extremely difficult over the phone."
"Oh, jeez." She heard him sigh. "Hey guys, you know what? I, uh, I left my motorcycle running. I need to go to the far right corner of the parking lot to turn it off."
Cristina had been wondering how he'd get out of that. That explanation seemed to work for him. She didn't even ride a motorcycle anymore—they were too dangerous—but apparently, none of the people there were thinking too hard. Always a good sign for a doctor and a bunch of assistants about to start a surgery.
Shit, she should get going. Over the phone, she heard, "But Dr. Yang, you've been here for ten hours today already."
Alex replied to the nurse, saying, "Yeah, wasting fuel, polluting the environment… that's why I gotta go now." It was weird to hear his speech pattern in her voice.
Staying on the phone, Cristina peeked out of the bathroom. She saw that nobody was there, so she hurried and got Alex's car keys. She definitely did not hit her head on the top of the car as she tried to get in. She started driving to Seattle Grace.
As she drove, she had the phone on speaker. She heard the snapping of Alex taking off his gloves, then rustling as he took the phone from the nurse. "I promise I'll just be a second," he said. Cristina heard the phone being set down and his footsteps walking away. He left the phone on the call. He either did it on purpose to monitor what was going on in the room or he was dumber than Cristina originally thought.
A nurse's voice carried over the line: "Do you want to start without her, Doctor Burke? We're already behind schedule."
Burke paused, and Cristina tensed. If he tried performing the surgery alone, people might die, or worse, he might be found out.
"No, no, I think she'll go as fast as possible. Dr. Yang wouldn't miss a surgery for anything," Burke finally replied, "and I'm always happy to show someone how to properly fix a heart."
Cristina relaxed. She was almost to the hospital. She could see it through Alex's car's windshield. She hoped that Alex was already in the place they were meeting.
"We're in a time crunch here, Doctor." The anesthesiologist. Shit. She gripped the steering wheel harder and started going faster.
Someone in the OR started singing the chorus to Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol, which was really contrasting the tense moment that Cristina was experiencing.
She pulled into the parking lot and went even faster to the far right corner.
She saw Alex's—well, it was really her—form and pulled into a parking space right before she would've hit him.
Cristina grabbed the phone, putting her hand over the microphone, and stepped out of the car.
"Well," said Alex in her voice, "Remind me never to ride with you when you're in a rush."
"Alex, I'm so happy to see you."
"That's the first time I've heard you—" Alex looked up at her. "Where's my shirt?"
"I assume it's on the floor of George's room. By the way, what's going on with that? I open my eyes and I'm making out with O'Malley…"
Alex blanched. "Um, would you believe we were battling with our tongues?"
"No." Cristina crossed her arms.
"Oh. Okay, um… you remember when George had syphilis that Olivia allegedly gave him?"
Cristina closed her eyes and sighed. "You mean to tell me…"
"Yeah."
"That you…"
"Yup."
"Had unprotected sex with George O'Malley?"
"Yes. 100%."
It wasn't like nobody suspected it. Cristina had discussed the possibility of this with Meredith while tipsy at least twice. There was no way George O'Malley was straight. No heterosexual man is that adamant that he's not gay.
Cristina rubbed the bridge of her nose. "First of all, ew. And, you know, I'm less shocked that you two are sleeping together and more shocked that you guys would be stupid enough to not use protection. I understand you doing that, but I thought that O'Malley…"
"You don't need to lecture me about that, Yang, I learned my lesson the first time."
"Good. Um."
"So, uh, you're not going to—"
“Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. Your homo secret is your homo secret," Cristina shrugged. Alex relaxed, she added, "But this means you can't tell anyone my secret, which is really what I called you here to talk about in the first place."
Alex's eyes, really Cristina's eyes, widened a bit. Cristina looked right into them and grabbed his shoulders. "This is the most important secret you will ever fucking hear. You can't tell anyone."
"It's not that deep, Cristina, but sure, I'm listening."
"Alex, this is so serious. It could ruin Burke's career, my career, maybe my whole life…"
"Hey, it's alright," Alex said, actually looking concerned for once. His voice got softer. "I won't tell anyone. I do a lot of questionable things, but I would never betray a friend."
"We're friends?"
"Yeah."
"Since when?"
"Since I opened my eyes five minutes ago, about to perform a surgery using your hands." Alex smiled and patted her shoulder. He had to reach up a little to do it.
"Okay, I'm trusting you… Burke is, um, he got shot."
"Why yes, I think I remember that!" Alex laughed a little, trying to lighten the mood.
"Listen." Cristina started talking much more quietly. "He never fully recovered. He has this tremor in his hand. That's… not good for doing heart surgery, as I'm sure you can imagine. I've been pretty much doing all of his surgeries for him."
Alex hesitated. "Yang, that's—that's really bad. You could lose everything if that came out."
"I know. I can't stress how important it is that you don't mess this surgery up."
"I'll do my best, but you've practiced with him, like, a shit ton. I can't predict his every move like you probably can."
"I'm hoping that Burke will be able to guide you well enough, but I'm honestly not sure." She knit Alex's brows. "Just try your best, please."
"I think I'll definitely at least do okay," he said.
Cristina smiled. "Thanks."
"But Yang, if I do this, you have to hang out with George."
"So not only do I have to pretend to be you, I have to pretend to like, like-like O'Malley?"
"You gotta do it convincingly."
"Gross. That's the worst thing I can imagine," she said flatly.
Alex looked at her with an annoyed expression that frankly looked better on his own face.
"Fine. I'd say you owe me, but you're doing this, so stop wasting time and get back in there."
They shook hands as if they had just completed a transaction.
Cristina got back in Alex's car and started driving back to Meredith's house. Why did this have to happen to her, of all people? And O'Malley? Ew.
Over the phone, she heard: "Here comes Dr. Yang now. Can we start, Dr. Burke?"
"Let her scrub in first," the surgeon replied. "It's only been a few minutes."
Satisfied, Cristina hung up the phone and pulled up to Meredith's house, dreading what awaited her inside.
Meredith was sitting on the porch swing. She stood up when she noticed Cristina coming. "Alex! Where have you been?"
"Oh, um," Cristina replied, "I forgot my, uh, shirt at the hospital."
"I think you still left it there," Meredith scoffed, looking at her bare chest. "I guess your clothing situation isn't my problem, though. George is looking for you."
"Oh, cool, I'll just go…see what he wants…" Cristina groaned internally as she entered the house.
She closed the door as softly as possible so she could get a few steps ahead of O'Malley. She went into the living room. He was sitting on the couch. He had apparently put a shirt on at some point between when she left his room and came back to Meredith's house.
When George saw her, he stood up and hugged her. "Alex, where were you?"
Ahhhh. Cristina did not want to be touched. She probably needed to, though, to make this believable. She put her arms around O'Malley stiffly and awkwardly.
"I, um, thought I saw some kind of, uh, insect…I haven't been the same about bugs since the incident." She was fully making up lore about Alex at this point.
"What incident?"
"Um, you know, I'm sure it's fine now."
George pulled away from her. "...Okay… Anyway, I ordered a pizza because that's what I told Meredith I was doing and I don't lie." He gestured to the food.
Oh, right, Cristina wasn't supposed to have heard George and Meredith talking earlier. She took a slice of the pizza and started eating it. Alex Karev did not pass up free food. Also, now that the adrenaline had died down, at least for now, she was a bit hungry. "Did she seem suspicious at all?"
"I don't think so, but I'm also not very good at reading these things…Hey, how did you explain the missing shirt?"
"Good question. I don't think I did, really."
O'Malley looked at her, perplexed. "That's an interesting way of handling it, not that I'd expect anything less from you."
Cristina took that as a sign she was doing at least somewhat well in her acting. "Well, I don't think it made her more or less clued in on anything than before…"
O'Malley chuckled. "I'm glad, I guess. Come on." He went up the stairs to his bedroom. Cristina closed the pizza box and followed him, finishing her slice.
George closed the bedroom door, then took her hand and sat down on the bed. Cristina sat as well. He turned to look at her. "Alex, babe, we wouldn't have to lie or bend the truth so much if we were public about our relationship."
The way he said implied he'd brought up the idea before. It was Alex who wanted to keep it a secret, then. Huh. She'd always figured that it would be O'Malley who'd be scared to come out about it. Part of the reason she thought her theory about Alex and George dating didn't hold water was that she'd figured Alex would be very proud and vocal about it if he was queer.
Cristina tried to think of how Karev would react to being told this. She lowered her head and closed her eyes.
O'Malley leaned into her. "I know you're worried about it, but I think our friends would be accepting…"
Shit. What would Alex's reasoning for not wanting to come out? She was missing at least a few important pieces of vital information on this topic.
Might as well just take a stab at it (she hoped that wasn't the approach Karev was currently taking in surgery). "It just— I don't know, what if they're not?"
"Then we'll unfriend them and make better friends, but I think they'd be okay, seriously…" He trailed off and put his head on Cristina's shoulder. She wished she was anywhere else—anyone other than Alex Karev—at the moment. She didn't want to touch anyone, especially not O'Malley. She hesitated and put her arm around him. None of this felt natural. She hoped it was believable.
"Alex, are you feeling okay?" Shit. Not believable.
"Yeah, I'm fine, I just…have a lot going on…what with the intern exams coming up and everything…"
O'Malley looked at her, concerned. "Are you sure?"
Cristina sighed internally. She didn't exactly know how Karev would respond to something like this, especially with a romantic interest. "Yeah. I think I just need a break."
"Okay."
Cristina didn't really know what to do next. She just kind of sat there with her arm around him, hoping that if something else was supposed to happen that O'Malley would initiate it.
A while later, Cristina awoke to Alex's phone ringing. She must have fallen asleep. Cristina pulled the device out of her pocket groggily to check it. The call was from her number. Karev should probably still be in surgery at this point. It had only been a couple of hours. What did he want?
She stood up. O'Malley woke up as she shifted. "Uh, I have to take this," she told him, walking out of the room.
"Oh, alright…"
She flipped the phone open. "Hey, uh, Yang. How's the surgery going?"
"Gotta be honest, it didn't go well." The background on the other end of the phone was very quiet for an operating room.
"You're out already? What's going on?"
"Um." Alex Karev, speechless. Cristina never thought she'd see the day. Something was wrong.
"Do you want me to come to the hospital?"
"That could be good." His voice was quavering. "I didn't think helping Burke would be so…" He trailed off.
"I'll be right there. Let me put on a shirt first." Cristina chuckled a bit. On the other end of the line, Alex didn't laugh. "Okay, one moment."
She went back into George's room and set the phone down on the bed. She found Alex's shirt. "George, I have to go back into the hospital for a few minutes," she said, slipping the shirt on. Good. Now she wasn't hyper aware of Alex's man tits being out all the time.
"Oh, I'll come with you," O'Malley said, standing up.
"No!" He looked startled. "I mean, um, it's fine, I just need to help Karev with something."
"You are Karev, babe," George said, concern in his voice.
"Oh yeah," Shit, she was definitely going to be found out at this rate. Such a stupid, rookie mistake (as if she'd done this before). "Sorry. I mean, I have to help Yang out. It shouldn't take too long, though."
"Honey, let me drive you. You seem kind of spacey."
"No, um—" Wait, maybe it would be good to have him there. Cristina had blown George off enough already today. She didn't want to ruin Karev's relationship, no matter how much she didn't like him. Plus, it might help to have George, who knew how to be a human and empathize better than she did, there. "Yeah, that would be nice."
She grabbed Alex's phone and they walked out of George's room. Cristina figured she should do something to show that she wasn't mad at O'Malley or anything. She didn't want to accidentally break Alex and George up. She braced herself and grabbed his hand. He smiled at her and squeezed her hand. Meredith was still sitting outside the front door, so they went out the side door and got in George's car. He drove them to the hospital as quickly as was safe.
As soon as George was mostly stopped, Cristina hopped out of the car. "Thanks so much. I'll only be a minute." She didn't actually know how long this would take, but it would probably be fairly quick.
Cristina lifted the phone that was still in her hand up to her ear as she walked into the hospital. "Karev, are you there?"
"Yeah."
"Where are you?"
"The on-call room closest to the ORs."
"Alright, I'm on my way." Cristina hung up and walked quickly to the room Alex was in, ignoring people trying to talk to her.
When she opened the door to the on-call room, she thought she must be in the wrong room. Nobody seemed to be in there, and the light was switched off. She closed the door behind her and leaned against it. "Alex?" she called quietly, half as a question, in Karev's voice.
"Over here," came Cristina's own voice from the corner, even quieter than she'd been talking. She walked over and looked around. Alex was leaning against the bottom bunk of the bed with his arms wrapped around his legs.
"Hey, are you okay?" Cristina sat down cross legged next to him.
"No," he chuckled a bit, looking up and obviously trying to hold back tears.
"What happened?"
"I fucked up."
"Okay, no offense but I assumed that from the way you're behaving right now. Can I get some elaboration?"
He paused, trying to find the right words. "Burke is way more subtle with the way he tells you to do things than I thought he'd be, and I couldn't keep up. I didn't have enough practice with cardio, I've been focusing on plastics."
"So you couldn't keep up, and then what?"
"He got annoyed and said he'd do it himself, but his hand did the tremoring thing in the middle of Shepherd's heart. Derek's dead, Cristina. I killed him."
Yang looked at Karev. She saw tears dripping down her own face. "You did the best you could given the circumstances," she said after a pause. She wasn't good at comforting people, and it was especially disconcerting to see herself like that, even if it wasn't her.
"It wasn't enough." He closed his eyes.
"It was going to be a difficult surgery anyway. It was a maneuver I haven't done on a person."
"You'd practiced though, and Shepherd would've been fine if you'd done it."
"We don't know that, Karev. Anything could have happened. Us of all people should understand that after the absurdity that happened tonight."
"Still, I can't believe that I fucking killed him." He seemed to be in a better place now.
"Derek…well, he wouldn't understand…this, but he would eventually forgive you. And Meredith will, too."
"Yeah, 'cause it's supposed to be Yang and Burke who did it," Karev chuckled.
Cristina shoved him lightly. "Everyone makes mistakes in surgery. Besides, you're only an intern. You shouldn't be trusted with something that big."
"The same could go for you," Alex said, raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah, but I know how to do it, and it's just the way it has to be for now." Yang shrugged.
They were quiet for a moment, then she said, "Oh, by the way, I think your boyfriend thinks you're possessed."
"Oh, god, probably. Why did I have to switch bodies with you, at that moment, of all people?"
Cristina laughed. "In a way, you were possessed by an aroace demon." She held her hands like claws.
"Oh, god, you really aren't dating Burke." Alex put his head in his hands, laughing as well. "I may have made some slightly inappropriate jokes, then."
"Karev!" Cristina rolled her eyes.
When her eyes focused again, she couldn't see anything. Yang was confused until she pulled her hands away from her face. "Yes!" They were her hands! She looked over at Alex, who was smiling at her.
"I'm so glad that's over with," Karev said in his own voice, standing up and dusting his hands off.
Cristina rubbed the dried tears off her face and stood up too.
They stood there awkwardly for a moment, not really knowing what to do. Normal people would hug, but Cristina wasn't about to do that with anyone. Eventually, the two doctors landed on shaking hands. "Uh, take care, bud," Yang said.
"You too."