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Arthur balanced the ridiculously over-sized silver and pink package awkwardly on his hip whilst attempting to extract his Starbucks cup from between the car seats. The lid pulled off and hot coffee sloshed over his hand, making him hiss.
“Fuck,” he muttered, setting the package on top of the car and taking a half-assed stab at wiping up the mess with a handful of tissues. He replaced the lid and took a last bracing sip, hand still smarting. Thankfully none got on the present. He was already late. He didn’t need to add to the list of berations he’d no doubt stacked up already in Leon’s eyes by spilling coffee on the present.
A quick glance at the car-lined street confirmed Leon had beat him to the party. Glorious. Shutting the door with his foot he hefted the package into both arms and attempted to calm himself before walking up to the house. It always took him awhile to release work-induced tension; today it was worse than most.
The party was of course in full swing, he’d probably already missed the cake, which was unforgiveable in and of itself. But he had made it despite last-minute involvement in a surgery that had gone terribly wrong, and a young girl would live to see her own thirteenth birthday. That was, he reminded himself, what was most important.
It would be, he knew, not enough for Leon. The days of being a hero in his partner’s eyes seemed to be over.
“You going in, Pendragon? Or just going to stand there? You’re late.”
Arthur looked over his shoulder at Morgana walking up the pavement. She had a Tescos bag in one hand, her keys and sunglasses in the other. She'd parked behind Leon, close behind. “You’re just now getting here yourself?”
“Try again, bro,” she said, lifting the bags. “Gwen forgot the forks and plates.”
He hadn’t missed the cake then. “Blaming the baby for that too?”
She smirked at him, but even Morgana couldn’t hide her excitement. Or her worry. “Of course she is. She’ll be back to blaming me for everything soon enough. She just better not have it today, is all I can say.”
“Contractions?”
Morgana nodded. “Braxtons so far. It’d be nice to have a week between sprouts’ birthdays but we may not be so lucky.”
He followed her inside, his ears immediately greeted with a screech of joy. “Da!” He managed to get the package sat on the table just in time to be hit full-on with forty pounds of flying five-year-old froth and lace. “You came! I told Uncle Leon you would be here before cake,” she said as he picked her up, hugging her tight as she squealed.
“Of course I’m here. I don't break promises.”
She pulled back, her lower lip pushed out, blue eyes narrowed and looking so much like himself at her age he had to grin despite the sharp pain the innocent delivery of Leon's words had brought. “I told him that,” she said, patting him on the shoulder. “Uncle Leon is mean. I’ll kiss and make it better.” The flash of anger at Leon was quickly extinguished under the onslaught of her kisses.
“Kayla. Enough.” Gwen stood in the doorway, frowning at her daughter. “Go and play with your friends.”
Arthur gave Gwen a grateful look over Kayla’s shoulder. “Do as your mum says, sport. I’ll be there in a minute.” He set her down. Kayla wisely took off.
“Sorry about that.”
Arthur quickly sized up Gwen’s condition. Pale, face pinched, hand on her back, leaning against the wall for support. And barefoot despite having a houseful of guests. He grimaced at her, reaching out and taking her by the hand. “You’ve been on your feet too much.”
“You sound as bad as Morgana,” she grumbled, but allowed him to guide her to the couch and help her sit down. “And stop looking at me like that.”
“Like what?”
She gave him her patented Gwen look that said ‘oh Arthur’ without having to voice a word. “Why did Leon think you weren’t coming?”
Music started in the back garden. By now of course Leon would know he was there. Yet he hadn’t come looking for him, and Arthur had to admit he was hoping to delay the moment a little longer. He looked away from her too-wise eyes. “Been busier lately, since switching to the new hospital.”
“You’ve always been busy.” She took his hand in hers. “What’s going on with you two? Are things okay?”
“Everything's fine.”
She took a deep breath, one hand on her swollen belly. "For 'everything's fine' you two sure aren't acting like a couple much lately."
He considered telling her the truth but what could he say? He wasn't even certain himself where it had all gone wrong with Leon. Or why. He was working more, yes, but Leon's own workload had also increased since making Detective Constable. They'd been through periods of that before but something else was different now. A chasm had opened between them and he wasn't sure how to cross it.
"I know," he finally said. "It's just that--"
“Arthur.”
Arthur released Gwen’s hand as if burned, which made him thoroughly ticked at himself. He glanced up at Leon who stood just outside the doorway. The expression on his face was grim, the light in his eyes dull.
“I was going to come look for you.” Arthur sounded horribly lame, he knew.
“Kayla told me you were here.” Before Arthur could say anything else, Leon added, “Morgana says it’s time to cut the cake.” And then he slipped away, leaving Gwen wide-eyed, and him stabbed in the gut.
“I’ll be right back,” Arthur said, standing. When Gwen tried to follow him he shook his head. “Give me a second. I’ll be right back.” He left Gwen on the couch and headed after Leon. “Leon, wait--”
Leon turned; they were alone in the hallway, the shouts of the children as they played a game outside an odd discourse to the thick air between himself and his partner. “You said you’d be on time.”
“There was an emergency.”
Leon scowled. “There’s always an emergency, Arthur. This is important. You said you’d be here.”
Arthur found his temper rising. “And I am,” he said, his words measured. “What’s going on, Leon? Kayla said you told her I wouldn’t come. Why would you tell my daughter that?”
Now the anger spit out, sizzling between them. He hadn’t let it get to him when Kayla’d said the hurtful words but now, with Leon’s jaw clenched, his eyes full of...what. Disgust? He couldn’t contain it.
“I told her what I thought was the truth. You make too many promises you don’t keep.”
Now he stared at Leon. “Like what, exactly? I’m always there for her. I never--”
“I wasn’t talking about promises to her.”
The words whipped out, razor-sharp, biting hard. So that was it. A special dinner the night before gone untouched--he hadn’t known--and surprise plans to the theatre thwarted. “I told you I was sorry.” And he had. Over and over again.
But the set of Leon’s shoulders, the anger that was beyond hurt shocked Arthur. “I know. You’re always sorry.” Leon laughed bitterly. “Foolish me trying to do something special--”
Kayla ran into the hallway. “Da?”
Arthur forced a smile. “In a moment, sweetheart. We’ll be right there.”
“Okay. But hurry.” She dashed out again.
Arthur took a step closer to him, grabbing his arm not ungently, but forcefully. “This is not the time, Leon.”
“When is? You’re here, right now. At least for the moment.”
"That's not fair, Leon. You know my work is important. You've always known."
Morgana appeared then. “Hey guys, stop fooling around, yeah? You can do that later. Fetch Gwen? Please?” Morgana eyed them both, clapped her hands together twice. “Now?”
Arthur released Leon’s arm. “We’ll speak of this later.”
“I might not be home tonight.”
That stilled Arthur. “Leon, what’s really going on here?”
“You know exactly what’s going on.” Leon through his hands up. “What’s always going on with you, Arthur? The work is just an excuse, and you know it. Well I know it too.”
“What? What are you talking about?” Guilt stabbed through him, guilt and cold worry. It had risen again, that spectre of the past that Leon had never forgiven him for not talking about. That Arthur had no obligation to tell him anything about the past had always been lost on Leon; it wasn’t anything Arthur could help, still loving the man who had been his first love. He was gone, Arthur had accepted that. Except no one seemed to believe him. Leon sure didn’t.
Leon looked at him for a long moment, as if waiting for Arthur to acknowledge what he knew Arthur never would, then turned on his heel and walked back outside. Arthur watched after him, confusion warring with the anger that would not quiet. Why now? Why was Leon so convinced anything had to do with him?
He couldn’t even say the name for fear he would lose it.
He closed his eyes, bowing his head for a moment, exhaustion seeping into the nooks and crannies it hadn’t already found its way into. And that wasn’t too many places. It was good as over, he realised then, rubbing his eyes against the sudden sting. He could fix it, he knew how well enough--they’d been through this before--but he was so tired of fighting despite the fabulous sex that always seemed to follow. That’s all they really had anymore. That, and the ties that bound them, forever, to Gwen and Morgana and the children they shared. It wasn’t enough. He could never do enough, or say enough to prove to Leon he loved him as much as he had...
As he had Merlin.
“Fuck,” he whispered as the memories of so long ago ripped through him, tearing down those carefully-erected walls he’d fought so hard to preserve. A hand slid onto his shoulder; he opened his eyes, looked down at Gwen. He quirked his lips into a mock smile. “I guess you heard all that.”
“Enough. What are you going to do?”
He didn’t want her to think the worst. That, he couldn’t bear. So instead he slid his arm around her shoulder. “Go cut cake?”
“Arthur--”
“I know. He thinks--” He ran his hand over his mouth. “He thinks I’m--”
“I know.”
Now surprise made him gape. “How?”
“I know what Leon is thinking because he’s told me. He believes he won’t ever measure up to your past.”
“I’ve told him over and over that I love him--”
She slid out from under his arm, facing him. She lay a warm hand on his cheek. “I know you’ve told him.” She lay a hand on his heart. “But it hasn’t come from here, and he knows it.”
He covered her hand with his own, grief swallowing him whole. He closed his eyes against it all, wishing he had in fact stayed at the hospital. He wasn’t ready to deal with all this, especially not to the strains of the Hokey Cokey.
So he said nothing. There was nothing he could say; she’d known Merlin too, back when they were kids. Had been there when he and Merlin had come out together, shocking the whole school with their proclamation, and the campaign of terror and abuse directed toward them. Mostly toward Merlin; few had the nerve to bully Uther Pendragon’s son. Merlin, however, was fair game.
Gwen had been the been the one to get them to the doctor when Merlin’s tormentors had gone two steps too far. That had been when he’d met Dr. Gaius who, despite knowing Arthur’s father for years, had stitched and fixed Merlin up without ever saying a word to him.
Gwen had been there when his father had yanked him out of school, and had forbidden him to ever speak to Merlin again. He would never forget that day, hating his father so much, wishing he were dead.
Himself, not his father.
He’d only seen Merlin one more time after that, a last frantic meeting the night before his father sent him to a boarding school as far away as he could. Promises had been made that night, and Arthur had taken Merlin for the first, and last time. Merlin had been so sure they would be together again, and didn’t fear the future; Arthur had known his father would ensure there was none.
“But it’s our destiny to be together,” Merlin had whispered into his ear that last night moments before his father had found them, naked and entwined together on rough blankets in a neighbor’s barn. “Don’t be afraid. I’ll find you.”
“How?” Arthur had asked, dead inside.
“With magic of course.”
He’d been so positive Arthur had believed him. At least for a few years.
Gwen had been allowed to stay in touch; if Merlin had sent any letters to him, they’d never made it. Arthur was positive his had been confiscated and likely burned. Once he’d been so certain his father was reading them, he’d filled one with lurid descriptions of just what he would do to Merlin when they saw each other again, and how much he loved him and always would. Nothing, and no one, would ever be loved more.
His father had surprised him by showing up unexpectedly, all of Arthur’s letters in his hand. He ripped them up, never taking his gaze off Arthur, turned on his heel and stalked out. After that, Arthur didn’t write to Merlin again.
He also never found Merlin. Neither had Gwen, nor had Morgana who had taken pity on him and gone through their father’s office to see if she could find a clue. She’d failed, but she and Gwen had come together over that adventure, at least. When Gaius had also tried, years later and yet not so long ago--Kayla had turned one that year--he too had struck out.
Merlin was nowhere. Magic, if it existed, had failed them both.
And then he’d met Leon. By then, his father had grown older, his power over Arthur diminished. Uther could do nothing to stop either of them from being openly gay. Arthur’s achievements in medicine could not be ignored, even by Uther, and the day he'd officially become a surgeon his father had even said he was proud. Morgana and Gwen started an export business that quickly became successful. And, got married, permanently cementing their relationship. Life should’ve been good then. Arthur had fathered Kayla, and Uther loved his granddaughter, though he refused to acknowledge Morgana and Gwen’s relationship even then. And now there would be a second child with Pendragon blood. A boy this time. He’d put his foot down over naming the child after Uther.
All these thoughts jumbled through his mind as he helped Gwen outside and into a chair--Morgana was right, Gwen could go into labour any moment now--and assisted Morgana in herding all the kids over to the table, putting on party hats and, only because Kayla insisted, putting on a party hat himself. A gold crown.
“You’re the king and I’m the princess,” she proclaimed, patting him on the cheek. “Sit here.” She grabbed him by the sleeve and pulled him down. The crown shifted awkwardly but a frown from Kayla aborted his attempt to remove it. He sighed.
Gwen glanced up at that and smiled at him, nodding toward her daughter. “She who rules.”
“No kidding,” he murmured.
As the kids chattered and ate their cake with he and Leon helping where it was needed, he calmed a little, grateful for the distractions the kids provided. Leon studiously didn’t look at him, not until later when they’d managed to get all the fingers and faces clean enough to open presents. He managed to remove the crown, his fingers oddly reluctant to release it.
“I’ll go get the other half when she’s not paying attention.” Leon’s words brushed across his neck. He nodded, not locking gazes with Leon as he might’ve done anytime before. His body still waited for the quick press of lips, the touch of Leon’s fingers but neither caress occurred. Leon moved away.
Arthur grabbed the present he’d brought. “Okay Princess, here’s your present from me and Uncle Leon.” Morgana cast an odd glance at him but he ignored her, setting the box in front of Kayla. Morgana would kill them both. Leon caught his eye and he nodded, a stab of hope that things would be okay after all between them. He could make it up to Leon, he was sure of it. Leon grinned forcibly and slid away to get the other part of their present.
“What is it?” Kayla demanded, tearing at the ribbon while Morgana attempted vainly to cut it off. “What is it?”
All the kids were showing signs of the early stages of sugar high and were bouncing and squealing as Kayla finally got the giant box open. His ears were smarting. He didn’t know how Gwen and Morgana did this all the time, but watching his daughter he figured it was worth it. She peered inside, her expression confused as she pulled out a purple hair brush. And a purple blanket with puppies all over it. And then a soft little bed, and even--Leon’s idea--a fuzzy purple sweater. It looked, at first glance, like baby gifts, but he knew his daughter wouldn’t be fooled. Kayla would make the connection any second.
When she pulled out the silver dog bowl with little purple bones painted on it she stared at him in disbelief. “A puppy? You got me a puppy?” she demanded, and just then Leon came back outside, holding the Golden Retriever puppy they’d bought her for her birthday. “Oh!” She clasped her hands to her mouth as the squirming golden retriever puppy was brought to her. "Oh!" She stared at him. "He's for me?"
“Easy now, you’ll scare him,” Leon said as he handed the puppy to Kayla. The puppy, however, didn’t look scared at all. Quite the contrary, it was eagerly wagging its little tail, squirming to get to Kayla. He’d thought Leon crazy when he insisted having the puppy sleep with some of Kayla’s dirty clothes to get to know her scent but the way the puppy snuffled at her, licking her face and making her giggle in delight it seemed to have worked.
"Go put him on the grass, Kayla," Gwen said.
She took the puppy over to the grass while the other kids all gathered around, reaching out to pet him. Kayla rubbed her cheek against the puppy’s head. “He’s so soft. He’s really mine?” She looked up imploringly at them both. Leon smiled at Arthur and his own return smile was genuine.
“All yours,” Arthur said. Morgana stood with Gwen, looking a bit stroppy about the new addition but Gwen beamed. It had been her idea, after all. She winked at Arthur and he laughed. Morgana’s expression was more along the lines of, “I’ll get you for this, Pendragon,” but she looked resigned, and was soon laughing at the puppy’s antics too.
When Leon’s arm slid around his shoulders he fought not to tense, but instead to relax into his embrace while they watched the kids play with the puppy, grateful for the respite from the anger and problems. Maybe it was going to be all right, he thought. They could get past this. He wanted to. He was just tired, it’d been a long day, and nearly losing the young girl because of someone else’s stupid mistake had made him react badly to Leon’s accusations. He kissed Leon, whispered, “We did good, huh.”
Then the House theme burst to life in his pocket. Had Leon’s arm not been around him, he wouldn’t have felt the quick jerk of anger. It was, of course, the hospital and Leon knew it. Their eyes locked for a moment but when Arthur brought the phone to his ear, Leon pulled away.
“Pendragon,” he answered, and heard Gaius’s voice saying words he thought he would never hear.
“Arthur, it’s him. He’s hurt. Do you hear me? It’s Merlin, and he’s asked for you. You've got to come now.”
Somehow he choked out the words, “I’m on my way.” He slid the mobile into his pocket, and took a step back.
“Arthur? What is it? What’s wrong?” Gwen said. Morgana and Leon turned at her words.
“It’s... I’ve got to go.”
“But why?” Gwen reached for his arm but he pulled away, took a step back.
“Merlin.”
She raised her hand to her mouth, eyes wide. Leon headed around the table toward him but at his approach Arthur took another step back. And another. He reeled, the world tilting on its side as he stared at them both, his hand sliding into his pockets for his keys.
“Arthur. What are you doing?” Leon’s expression turned from concern to anger when he saw Arthur pull out the keys. “Where are you going?”
He turned on his heel and left them, Leon’s demands that he stop ignored.
Merlin.
Merlin had found him, and now it might be too late.
* * *
Morgana and Gwen’s house along with Leon’s anger diminished quickly behind him. “Come on, come on,” he bit out as the car in front of him idled a split-second too long before moving forward. He steered his car around it, nearly cutting it off as he came to the roundabout. He barely saw the other cars, taking chances he normally wouldn’t in his haste. He had to get to the hospital.
Merlin was there.
Merlin was hurt, possibly dying. He knew Gaius better than he knew anyone else--unspoken words hung between them, words he did not want to hear.
The hospital loomed ahead. How had Merlin got there? What had happened? He ached to call Gaius back but he knew the best way to get answers was to see for himself. He swerved around a car waiting for a parking space to empty and didn’t bother parking in his own spot. He pulled up to the front entrance, throwing his car into park and leaping out, barely taking time to lock it before running inside. He’d get a ticket or worse, a tow, but he didn’t care. Nothing mattered.
The lift opened as he neared and he dashed in, holding his hand up to stop the couple about to get on. “Sorry. I’m a surgeon, it’s an emergency. Take the next lift.” He hit the override button which slammed the lift’s doors shut on the stunned expressions. He leaned against the back wall, head tilted toward the ceiling, willing the lift to hurry. Surgery was on the sixth floor and it was an interminable two minutes before the lift stopped, the doors opened.
“Mr. Pendragon,” a nurse called as soon as she saw him. “Dr. Gaius said--”
He slammed his hands on the counter. “Merlin Emrys. Where is he.”
“He’s in Surgery 3, Dr. Gaius said to tell you to--”
Surgery? His gaze flew to the whiteboard, and when he saw Merlin’s name written next to Mr. Borden’s, he had a moment’s relief. He was in good hands.
He barged down the hallway toward Surgery 3 observation, pushing the door open with such force Gaius whipped around, shocked. “Arthur.”
“What happened,” he demanded, hurrying to the observation window and staring down at the arena. It was Merlin on that table, his dark hair, his face pale. He’d know those ears anywhere.
“He was in a car accident. The lorry in front of him lost its load on a roundabout. He stopped in time but the truck behind him didn’t. I’m afraid Merlin was hit very hard.”
Arthur nodded, frowning, not taking his eyes off Borden. “Details.”
“Arthur. It isn’t good.” He glanced at Gaius, the worry in his eyes. Arthur couldn’t handle that; he looked away again.
“Gaius, please.”
As Gaius detailed what was wrong, Arthur grew more and more tense. Lacerations. Fractures. Broken ribs. Damaged spleen, possibly liver. The list was too long. But all of the injuries were recoverable. All at once though? With a heavy loss of blood it could be touch and go. He would need a long recovery, possibly weeks in hospital. How long had he been in Gloucester? The thought of him here, all this time, so close and yet not knowing...
He wouldn't think about that. Merlin would make it through surgery, he thought fiercely even as another bag of platelets was hung. How many had he been through? He bit his lip, leaning his forehead on the glass. He was a practical man, had always believed in absolutes. He remembered Merlin teasing him endlessly, daring him to just give in to the magic of things happening as they came and he'd tried but his world had always been a cut and dried one, black and white, logical over everything. It was how he coped even if, deep down, he'd never lost that little bit of Merlin's beliefs. He held onto that now, willing Merlin's magic to appear and prove itself as the truth. To get him through this, so they could be together again.
He wanted to believe in Merlin.
And then Mr. Borden turned and looked up for a moment. Only it wasn't Borden. He turned hurriedly away, hand fumbling as he took something from a nurse but anger and fear exploded in Arthur.
Aulfric.
He whirled on Gaius. “What is Aulfric doing in there?”
“I-- I'm not sure."
“He’s not going to touch Merlin.” He banged on the glass, making those in the surgery turn and look up. When Aulfric saw Arthur's anger, he dropped the scalpel on the floor.
“Fuck.” Arthur banged on the glass again. “Don’t touch him,” Arthur shouted, then grabbed Gaius. “Watch him. Yell if he moves.”
“Arthur, what’s going on, you can’t just--”
“I can. And I will. Gaius, that bastard already nearly killed one patient today. I’m not going to give him the chance to succeed this time.”
Arthur didn’t wait for Gaius to react. He ran down the stairs, entering the scrub area and grabbing a mask. He covered his face with it and went into the surgery. Mr. Aulfric-- Mr., fuck, he didn’t deserve that honorary--had a fresh scalpel in his hand and was about to cut into Merlin.
Fucking hell he would.
Aulfric turned around, his eyes showing his fear at being caught out. But he still had the gall to pull a bluff. “Mr. Pendragon, what do you think you’re doing? I’m in the middle of a surgery.”
“No, you aren’t. Not anymore. I’m taking over.”
“What do you mean? You can’t just--” He put down the scalpel and strode to Arthur, hissing, “How dare you barge in and interrupt? I’ll have you before the Board, I’ve got witnesses. This is unconscionable...”
Arthur reached out and grabbed Aulfric’s arm, dragging him out of the surgery. He sputtered in anger, stumbling after Arthur. Aulfric outweighed him in bulk but not in determination. Years ago, when he’d been a young doctor, Arthur had quailed under the huge man’s glare but no more.
“What’s unconscionable is you performing surgery after what happened this morning. You were drinking, your hands were trembling. You cut into that girl’s intestines, you just dropped a scalpel moments ago.” Gaius came in then, his gaze questioning. Arthur paused but pushed on. “You will not be performing surgery on Mer-- that patient.”
Aulfric’s face, mottled with rage, quickly paled when Gaius said, “Drinking? Kenneth, is this true?”
"I don't know what he's talking about. He's lying, I haven't started drinking again," he spluttered, but Gaius's expression stopped him.
Aulfric’s shoulders slumped, his face drooped. He aged before Arthur’s eyes. Arthur frowned. When Aulfric shook his head in denial Arthur started to protest but Gaius stilled him with a touch of his hand. Arthur fought to calm himself but Merlin was still on that surgical table, and needed attention, fast.
“It's not-- I'm not drinking. It's worse than that. Parkinson’s,” Mr. Aulfric whispered, sorrow lines etched deep into face as he held his hands up. They trembled. Barely, but the tremble was unmistakably there.
Gaius said, “Oh, Kenneth. How long?”
“A year or two. Up to recently the medication has kept it under control.” He balled his fist, anger back, but now directed at himself. “I tried to convince myself I was still all right, that I could perform surgery. But that girl--” He blinked at Arthur, eyes welling. “I could’ve killed her.” He covered his face with his hands. Gaius put his arm around his colleague, his expression grim.
Parkinson’s. All the more reason for the surgeon to step down. Gaius’s look stopped any comment Arthur could make, and he realized something--before him stood a man who could, someday, be himself. A man who had done hundreds, thousands of successful surgeries. Who had taught him a great deal of what he knew.
His expression was grim but he placed a hand on the surgeon’s shoulder. “I would like to assist you in this surgery, Mr. Aulfric.”
Gaius’s reaction flooded him with warmth. It was the right thing to do. Mr. Aulfric’s surprise was clear too. “Thank you Arthur. But you are right. I'd prefer if you took over.”
Arthur nodded, his adrenaline racing again. He needed to get in there, take care of Merlin. "Gaius, will you join us?"
“Absolutely.”
After Mr. Aulfric had re-scrubbed and entered surgery, Gaius and Arthur followed suit. He got to work on Merlin, repairing the damage best he could with Dr. Aulfric by his side, Gaius across from him, the rest of the surgical team relieved but curious at his sudden deference and the switch in authority. Calm descended over him. Merlin’s vitals held steady despite the temporary delay. He was pleased to find the liver was salvageable, though the spleen needed to be removed. Though a part of his brain and his heart knew this was Merlin, his Merlin, he was working on, he didn’t hesitate to do what needed to be done.
Once it was over, he nodded to Mr. Aulfric. “Thank you, Mister Aulfric. Doctor Smith, close please?” He moved up to Merlin’s head, conscious of the questioning gazes--except for Gaius’s--as he bent down, brushing Merlin’s hair from his forehead. And kissed him. He ignored the anesthesiologist’s small gasp, quickly covered. “It’s okay now, Merlin. You’re safe. I’ll never let you go again.”
* * *
Arthur sat beside Merlin, holding his pale, cool hand. Several hours had passed since the surgery and Arthur hadn’t moved. Wouldn’t move. He’d barely taken the time to change back into his street clothes, the necessary distance between himself and Merlin leaving him breathless and agitated until he could return to Merlin’s side. He had yet to wake up.
Arthur needed him to, and soon. He was trying not to worry--he was confident that he would. Except, Merlin wouldn't.
"Arthur?"
Arthur looked up, his fingers still curled around Merlin's too-still ones. It was Gwen.
"Hey, what are you doing here?"
"To see Merlin. And you. Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. Here, sit down."
Arthur got up, easing her into his chair. She sighed, taking Merlin's hand in her own, studying his face. "He still looks the same," she said softly, smiling briefly at Arthur. "I can't believe so many years have passed."
"Me either."
"The three of us again. Well," she said, her hand on her belly, "plus this one."
"Is Morgana here?"
She nodded. "I made her drive me. Leon's staying with Kayla."
He winced at that. He'd not even thought of Leon. Not once. He would have to talk to Leon. But not yet. He ran a hand over Merlin's still face, hating how pale he looked. He wanted those blue eyes to open, so badly.
She smoothed covers that had not been disturbed. "Has he realised where he is?"
"He hasn't woken up yet."
She looked up at that. "Is that normal?"
He hesitated. "Too much longer and it won't be." He was cool to the touch, everything looked right but he simply was not--
"Arthur?"
He straightened, shaking his head. It made no sense. Hours had passed--
A hand grabbed his. Hard. "Arthur." Gwen gasped. "Oh, oh..."
"Gwen?" He pulled her hand off his arm but held it; her grip was brutal. It took him a second or two to switch gears and realise what was happening. She was sat back in the chair, hand on her belly, her face screwed up in pain. "Gwen? What's... shit." He looked at his watch, noting the time. "Breathe deep. Squeeze my hand if it helps."
"Oh it helps." To prove it she squeezed even harder. After a long moment Gwen sucked in her breath and let it out again, her body relaxing. "Okay. Okay. It stopped. Dammit, Morgana will kill me. I promised her it wouldn't be today."
Arthur smiled. "I think we better track your other half down before the next one hits."
He didn't want to leave Merlin. It killed him to but this was important. After getting Gwen to labor and delivery and locating the other mother-to-be who kept saying "I knew it, I knew it! Way to go Pendragon," as if it were his fault, he returned to Merlin's bedside until word came that the baby's delivery was imminent. Only then did he leave, to witness the birth of his son.
There'd been no change, Merlin's vitals weak but steady. Arthur was completely baffled.
One day passed. And then another. Gwen and the baby went home. Merlin didn’t wake. His wounds healed, a physical therapist came by to exercise Merlin's lax body, but there was no reaction. There was no explanation for it, and as the hours passed, Arthur grew more and more agitated. And scared. He'd never been frightened like this before. Nor felt so helpless. Every spare moment he had was spent in Merlin's room. He lived at the hospital, refusing to leave Merlin’s side except when he had to. He avoided Leon, which he knew was a rotten thing to do but he couldn't cope with anything but Merlin right now.
The days passed and Merlin would not wake up. Arthur began to wonder if Merlin ever would.
"It makes no sense, Arthur," Gaius said a few days later as they sat in the doctors' lounge. Gaius had all but dragged Arthur away from Merlin long enough to get something more substantial into him than the endless stream of hot coffee he'd been relying on. He too had checked on Merlin constantly, but like Arthur, he could find no reason for the twilight state Merlin seemed to be encased in.
Gaius pointed at the untouched pasty on Arthur's plate. "Eat."
Arthur sighed, picking up the pasty and taking a bite. He barely tasted it, but obediently ate half of it before putting it down. "I'm running out of ideas, Gaius." His shoulders slumped. He was exhausted, had had to take himself off of surgical rotation; he was no more fit perform surgery than he was to feed himself property. "I don’t know what to do."
A shadow crossed Gaius's face but he held Arthur's gaze. "Do you know what Merlin has been doing all this time?"
"I have no idea. I don't even know where he's been living."
"Maybe I can help with that."
Arthur whirled around, suddenly understanding Gaius's expression of a moment before. It was Leon. "Leon," he said, standing abruptly, nearly knocking over his tray. "I--" He stared at Leon, looking for anger, hatred, anything to tell him what Leon was doing there without having to ask. He didn’t want to ask. "Excuse me a minute Gaius--"
But Leon stopped. "No, sit. You need to eat." He sat in the other chair, reaching out with his hand to Gaius who, bemused, took it. "Good to see you again, Gaius."
"You too Leon."
"So, you were saying you don't know where your Merlin's been? Did you think about asking a detective for help with that?" He smiled.
"Leon, I--"
Leon cut him off. "It's okay. I... I always knew there was someone in your past that you loved so much that, well... I always knew. I'm glad you found him."
Arthur blinked, the scramble of words he'd rehearsed to try to explain to Leon, somehow, what had happened, how he felt, and why, all fled. "I don't know what to say, except... I'm sorry, Leon."
Leon shrugged. "It explains a lot. Gwen told me everything about you and Merlin. And what happened. " Arthur winced at that and Leon sighed. "I wish you had been the one to tell me but I'm glad to know now."
"You're too good for me, Leon," Arthur finally said.
"True. And don't ever forget it. I've moved out, moved in with Gwaine."
That made Arthur laugh. "You, living with Gwaine? You'll never get any sleep."
Leon's smile was wry. "No kidding. In just three days I've met four of his 'best girlfriend ever' while another was calling on the phone."
Arthur's relief was enormous. Leon truly was a better man than he. It shamed him that he never appreciated Leon like he should've. "I'm grateful, Leon." And he was.
"Me too. Now, breakup over, tell me what you do know about Merlin's past. Maybe there's a clue there."
He was stunned. They'd broken up, just like that. He marveled at Leon, shaking his head fondly. He didn't know if they'd be friends after all they'd been through, but he'd meant it, he was grateful Leon was there now. "You're such a detective at heart."
Leon laughed. "And a fan of House."
"Unfortunately, I don’t know where he's been, or been living."
Gaius, who had stayed quiet up to now, interjected. "Where are his things he came into A&E with? Perhaps a billfold--"
Arthur smacked his head at that. "Who's the idiot. Of course." He stood, the rest of his food forgotten. "It'll be with his clothes he had on. What was salvageable at least."
"Then let me help you with this. I'll go to wherever he has been staying and see if I can find anything like drugs, or something."
Arthur nodded, his mind racing. What an idiot he'd been--but he was no diagnostician. His mindset was to fix things with a scalpel, not through medications, and he knew though there hadn't been anything detected in Merlin's blood analysis, it didn't mean there wasn't something unknown that could lead them down the right path to figuring out what was wrong.
"I'm going with you," Arthur said, taking one last bite of his pasty. It tasted much better all of a sudden.
"And I am too." Gaius stood. "Three sets of eyes is better than one, and I may see something neither of you understand."
Arthur paused at that. "Like what?"
But Gaius shook his head. "I don't know, but something tells me I need to be there."
* * *
Merlin's driver's license had, thankfully, been in the billfold, safe in the bag containing his clothes. Or rather, his trainers and socks; the rest of his clothing had been cut off in the haste of saving his life.
Now Arthur, Leon and Gaius stood before the small flat that was Merlin's home. He lived not even a half-hour away, in Cheltenham. It made Arthur sick to his stomach. So close, and he'd never known. Might never have known.
Yet Merlin had asked for him at the hospital. Was it because he recognised Gaius? Or did he know where Arthur was? If so, why hadn't he sought him out?
Too many questions, none as important as trying to figure out what had happened to Merlin.
Jangling Merlin's keys he walked up to the front door. It was a modest flat, tidy with a small flower garden. There was a dog bowl out front and that made him frown. When he put the key in the lock, there was sharp barking on the other side.
"Oh hell, he has a dog.”
"Be careful, Arthur," Gaius admonished.
The last thing he needed was to be bit by a dog. A poor starving one. He braced himself, ready to be overwhelmed with the effects of a dog being locked up for a week alone, but when he opened the door the dog, a black and white furball of indiscriminate heritage started wiggling and whining and clawing at him with such excitement he found himself bending down to pet it.
"Easy boy, it's okay." The dog covered his face with kisses. Gaius and Leon moved in past them. Arthur stood, and the little dog raced around in circles, then dashed for the back door, zooming through a pet door and back in again with a squeaky toy. Arthur laughed.
"I'll see if there's any food for him." Leon went into the kitchen and started to rummage around. The dog heard him and zoomed for the kitchen.
"Okay, so, where do we begin?"
Gaius looked around. The flat was not big, though stairs led to another floor. "I'll look around here. Go upstairs, Arthur, and look everywhere. Don't leave anything unchecked."
Gaius's words triggered his curiosity. "What do you think we'll find?" There were sounds of the dog digging happily into his food, Leon encouraging him to slow down, coming from the kitchen. He would have to take the dog home with him, he realised. Merlin's dog.
The hesitation before Gaius spoke made Arthur uneasy. Finally he said, "Look for the unusual, Arthur."
"What do you mean?"
"Merlin should've told you all this, long ago, but that ability was taken from him, once by your father, and now by his condition."
"Told me what." An uneasy curl of apprehension had formed in his gut. "What's going on, Gaius. What do you know that I don't?" It hit him at that moment that Gaius did know something he did not.
"I shouldn't be the one--"
"Gaius." It came out sharper than he'd intended, but he put a hand on the old physician's arm to take out the sting. "Please. If it will save Merlin, I've got to know everything. Anything."
Leon was rummaging through the kitchen, oblivious to their conversation. Arthur waited Gaius out as he weighed whatever words he was trying to say. His patience was near the explosion point, however, and he squeezed Gaius's arm.
"Merlin has magic."
Arthur froze. Said, "What? You can't be serious."
"Oh I am, Arthur. He can do things, amazing things, like I've never seen before. I've never seen the gift so strong--"
"Gift? What are you talking about." Arthur shook his head. "No, that's crazy. There's no such thing as magic." His father had always said magic was a lie, and to say it was real was evil. "Why would you say such a thing?"
Gaius sighed. "Because it's true. Uther removed you from Merlin not only because he'd found out you two were lovers. He knew Merlin had magic. As do I, to a limited extent."
"That's ridiculous." He could not fathom it. His father had known? "But magic's not real!"
"Oh it is." Gaius closed his eyes, muttered, "So rusty," and "that book," and Arthur turned his head to see a book on the hall table rise from its resting place and come directly toward him. The closer it got to him the more his carefully-ingrained horror fought with fascination and disbelief. But when the book thrust into his hands, and Gaius said, "Whew, that was difficult," Arthur knew Gaius was telling the truth.
He stared down at the book in his hands. "That was impossible."
Gaius chuckled. "Yet you hold the book. I'm mediocre at best, was never one to have much ability but enough that it helped me be a better physician."
Arthur set the book back in its place, then placed one hand on the stair railing. His thoughts raced. Merlin had magic, had promised magic would bring them together again, someday. But why now, why not years ago? All those years, without him, wondering where he was--it hurt, he realised, then understood he wasn’t thinking clearly.
Life wasn’t as simple as the either/or of surgery.
"Thank you for telling me. I wish-- I wish Merlin had told me."
"And he might well have, in time."
He clenched the railing hard. "Time my father robbed us both of. But not anymore." He raced up the steps. He knew now, deep in his heart, that Gaius was right though he hadn't said the words out loud. Whatever was wrong with Merlin was not natural. It had to be magic of some sort. But how could they fight that? He was a surgeon, not a magician. He couldn't think too deeply of the consequences of what he'd just learned, and seen. Or, that he actually believed Gaius.
Magic existed. Magic was real. His father had known Merlin had magic and that, more than his sexuality and his relationship with Arthur, had to have been the true reason they'd been forced apart.
The expected hatred toward his father would not come. He was too old now, too sickly, and too powerless. Arthur had to hold on to the present--he had Merlin back in his life now, and he would not let him go ever again. No one, and nothing, would stop them from being together for the rest of their lives.
There were three doors on this level of the house. He opened one--the bathroom. He was intruding into Merlin's privacy, he knew that, but his conscience argued with him nonetheless. He could hear Gaius and Leon talking downstairs as they worked. Leon should've known Gaius better than he did, but his own selfish refusal to let Leon know the one man who knew Merlin better than he'd known himself--which was more obvious now than ever--had made him keep his friendship with Gaius away from Leon. That wasn't fair, he thought as he started to go through the cabinets in the bathroom. Not fair to Leon. Why Leon had put up with him as long as he had, Arthur couldn't fathom. He certainly hadn't deserved the consideration.
There was nothing in the cabinets except the usual; towels, soap, rolls of toilet tissue. Same with the medicine cabinet. Paracetamol was the only thing in there other than a razor, shaving cream, and a new box of toothpaste. The old was half-used, squeezed in the middle. That would have to change though it was the only sign of an otherwise very neat personality. The green tile floor was clean, the rubbish empty. Shower gel and shampoo and a dried out sliver of soap occupied the shower.
Nothing here.
Keeping in mind Gaius's admonishment to look everywhere, he checked behind the curtains, under the water-starved plant--which he sat in the sink and watered--and under the sink. Nothing. Simply nothing. He turned the water off, leaving the plant to drain, and left the bathroom.
The second room was an office. Neat and tidy, a row of books lined one wall. The titles raised his eyebrows a bit, and the last of his doubt about what Gaius had told him about Merlin faded when he pulled a particularly ancient-looking book out. He opened it, slowly turning the pages, his eyes blurring at the difficult script. But he got enough of it to know this book had to do with magic. He left it on the desk to show to Gaius.
Leaving the office, he finally entered Merlin's bedroom. The dog zoomed in then, jumping on the bed which was a high four-poster. The dog wagged its tailed at him, then yelped as if bit, jumped off the bed and started to bark. He whirled around Arthur again, building up into a whirring frenzy.
Arthur circled around with the dog, bending down to catch him, to stop him. "Hey what are you doing? Silly dog--" then the dog slipped from his grasp and zoomed under the bed and out again, then halfway under again and started to bark furiously. His tail wasn't wagging now but rather held straight out. His claws scrabbled on the flooring but he continued to bark.
Arthur got down on his knees and peered under the bed. His ears smarted from the shrill screeching, and Gaius and Leon hurried up the stairs.
"What's he barking at?" Leon said.
Arthur looked under the bed which, as was the rest of the house, was nice and neat. "I don't know. The only thing under it is a box."
"Pull it out, Arthur."
Gaius sat on a chair, and Leon pulled the dog out. "Easy fellow. It's okay."
When Arthur pulled the box out the little dog's throat rumbled and he snapped at the box. It was a beautiful box, carved of a rich, reddish-brown wood. Satin-smooth, as if handled for many, many years.
Gaius leaned forward. "Can you open it?"
"I'm not sure..." Arthur tried to pull it open but the lid did not budge. There was a latch, which he tried to undo. The little dog continued to growl.
"Take it downstairs and break it open," Gaius said.
"Are you sure? It looks valuable." And heavy. Arthur picked the box up and turned it over; something moved about inside. And made a squealing noise. "What the hell?"
Leon sat the dog on the bed. "Maybe we should take it somewhere and open it there."
"Yeah. You may be right. Could this be magic, Gaius?" He glanced at Leon but he didn't seem surprised. "Gaius explained it to me."
Leon was the most practical person he knew. Though he had his quirks--the way he babied his car, for instance--when it came down to facts and the importance of logic and deduction, he was the master. It was how he had achieved the status he had so quickly with the Gloucester police department. And yet there was no doubt in his eyes, no censure, just acceptance?
"You believe in magic?"
"If it gives us the answers we need, sure. Why not? I'm open-minded about the possibility of aliens too." He laughed. "Don't look so shocked, Arthur."
"I never knew that about you."
"You never asked me, either."
Ouch. He could only nod at that. "Gaius, there's a book on Merlin's desk in his office you should see. I guess we better take this back to the hospital to open it."
Leon scooped the dog up. "I'll take Spunky here home with me." Arthur didn't realize he had reacted until Leon patted him on the shoulder. "You don't need to worry about him. You'll be at the hospital anyway." He grinned with mock evil. “Besides, Gwaine doesn’t care much for dogs.”
"Yeah. right." Arthur hefted the box up and after gathering the magic book for Gaius, they left Merlin's house behind, dog in tow.
* * *
After dropping the dog off at Gwaine’s they headed for the hospital. Gaius sat up front, turning the pages of the book.
"This is amazing," he murmured.
Arthur glanced at Gaius, the rapture on his face. He wondered suddenly about the old physician; he'd known Uther ever since they were young boys. "Does my father know about your magic?"
"Oh no. I never let him know. He hates magic so deeply he would likely never forgive me."
"How can he hate something he doesn’t believe in?”
"He believes, even if he says otherwise. He blames magic for your mother's death."
Arthur's knuckles turned white with the force of his grip on the steering wheel. He'd never been told that. He only knew his mother had died giving birth to him. His father would never say anything other that she was gone, and there would be no more discussion.
"That explains his hatred for Merlin even more, then. How did he know Merlin had magic, though?"
"I believe he had his family investigated."
Arthur grimaced at that. He would dearly love to confront his father about it, but when Merlin appeared at his side, Uther would know well enough he knew all about what he'd done. Even half a dozen years ago he would've shoved the truth in his father's face but there was no real point to it now.
They arrived at the hospital, taking the box to an empty room that had the added feature of being out of the way of any accidental traffic, and should the box expose something horrible--Arthur worried about that the most.
"All right. Here we go." With a knife and a hammer, he positioned himself to get ready to jump away if needed. Leon held the box, and Gaius stood to the side, a lighter in his hand.
It took three solid hits to break the lock. The lid didn’t pop up. "Get behind me," Leon said. Arthur took his advice. Once they were all behind the box, Leon slowly opened it.
At first, nothing happened. Then a wisp of red smoke curled up from the box, twisting and turning slowly as it left the box. The red smoke stopped moving. Arthur held his breath, waiting to see what happened, but a wave of nausea rolled through him. A quick glance at Leon showed he'd experienced the same.
"Oh my." Gaius moved around to see better. Arthur gave him a 'careful' look and he nodded. "Don't worry, I will be."
What was he doing? Gaius turned on the lighter, the yellow-blue flame a small threat against something they knew nothing about.
"When I move, close the lid, Arthur. Don't let it back in."
Arthur waited, every muscle tense as the red smoke turned toward Gaius, then everything happened at once. Magic was real, magic existed. And this was, there was no doubt in his mind, a creature of the worst kind of magic. Why Merlin had it, he couldn't fathom.
The red smoke expanded, darkening to blood red. The lights flickered overhead, all over the hospital as far as Arthur knew. The temperature in the room rose; the air suddenly was scorching his lungs. Lightning crackled, Gaius yelled "Now, Arthur!" and an explosion of sparks accompanied by a ear-splitting scream filled the air. Arthur slammed the box shut and Gaius yelled some words he didn't understand. In the flashes of light he could see the blood-red smoke envelop Gaius.
"No!" Arthur yelled, leaping for the old physician. Fury tore at him as the thing, whatever it was, turned its attention to him. He fell on his back, hitting his head with a loud thwack. Pain seared through his skull but it was nothing like the pain of the thing enveloping him. Thousands of needle-like jabs covered him, making him roar in agony. He would not let this thing, this evil creature destroy him.
Gritting his teeth he reached out for something, anything to attack it with--and found the lighter shoved into his hand. He didn’t think, didn't pause to speculate how a mere lighter could fight this wraith but when he lit it and shoved it into the thickest part of the smoke-thing, the ear-shattering scream assured him like nothing else. It exploded, multiplying the wails into thousands, making Arthur writhe with agony on the floor.
As soon as it started it stopped. The lights turned back on. Ears ringing, Arthur put a hand up to his left ear; it came away bloody. "Gaius?" He shook his head to clear it. His words sounded muffled. He looked down at himself, expecting to see hundreds of little shards of whatever that was imbedded in him. But though his clothes were shredded, he was fine.
Gaius was slowly standing, as was Leon. "You both all right?"
"Yes." Gaius moved over to the box and picked it up. He opened it, and inside were shattered bits of mirror. "As I thought."
Arthur and Leon joined him, peering over the old physician's shoulder. "Mirror?"
"I believe the mirror somehow kept it trapped. The mirror shattered, freeing whatever it was."
"Is that what's enchanted Merlin?"
Merlin. He didn't wait for an answer. He just ran.
* * *
Heads turned, people gaped at him running through the hospital corridors, dodging people left and right as if the devil itself were after him. Shouts followed him of 'be careful there' and 'hey watch it' and an occasional 'Arthur?' but he ignored them all. He didn't know if Leon and Gaius followed, and didn't care.
They were on the fourth floor, Merlin was on the sixth. He didn't wait for a lift but bolted up the stairs, two at a time, ignoring the hot blood on his face, the exhaustion tugging at him, the vague awareness that he had gone somewhat mad.
He burst out of the stairwell. "Mr. Pendragon? You’re hurt," one of the doctors said but he ignored her, his gaze fixed on Merlin's room as he ran down the corridor. He slowed only when he drew even, and sucked in several huge breaths, and walked into Merlin's room.
Merlin lay still on the bed, not moving. There was no change.
"No." Arthur walked up to the bed with Merlin’s still form, barely able to contain his grief. "No, Merlin, you're supposed to wake up. You can't still be like this." Arthur wiped the moisture from his eyes, taking a deep breath. He sat on Merlin's bed, taking his too-still hand in his own. It was cool. Lifeless as always. "How can you still be unconscious? You're supposed to be awake."
Merlin didn’t move, much less answer. Arthur straightened the covers, checked his vital signs yet again, and still nothing. He’d sat on the chair beside the bed, was staring at Merlin as if sheer willpower could make him move, his eyes flicker, something...anything...but when the door opened behind him and Gaius walked in, his patience hadn’t been rewarded.
"There's no change?" Gaius placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.
"No. Nothing.”
"I'm sorry Arthur. I thought for sure--"
"I know. You did the best you could. Thank you." He noticed then Gaius had the book. He looked questionably at him. "Did you figure out what it was?"
"I think so." Gaius lay the book on the bed, opening it towards the back. He turned another page, and there it was, the thing that was in the box. "What is it? Does it have any connection to Merlin?"
Gaius nodded. "I believe so. It's a turbatus diabolus."
"What does that mean?"
"Something to the effect of violent demon." He grimaced. "He must have captured it somehow."
"How did a lighter kill that?" Arthur said, staring at the words that made no sense to him, the wispy creature that had held so much threat.
Gaius chuckled. "It was an ordinary lighter, Arthur. It provided distraction is all."
"Oh." Gaius had yelled some words as well. "What was it you were saying? It sounded Latin."
"Disbursement spell. Thankfully it worked. If it hadn't, we'd have been in trouble."
"So what about Merlin? Knowing what it was isn't helping us any." It wasn't helping Merlin at all.
"Give it some time, son."
He couldn't take his gaze off Merlin, willing him to twitch, to wake up laughing that it was all some huge joke, but he didn't. He would not cry, he refused to, but it was just too much. He couldn't bear for Gaius to see him fall apart. "Will you leave us alone, Gaius?"
"Of course. I'll be in my office if you need me."
"Thank you."
He cradled Merlin's hand to his chest; the door snicked closed behind Gaius. "Why, Merlin? Why did you have that thing under your bed? Why did you never tell me you had magic? I would've understood." He laughed softly, his throat clenching against the unleashed sorrow. "You did tell me once though, didn't you. Remember that time we snuck out of school and got fishing poles and headed for the river? Neither of us had ever fished in our lives. Yet we caught fish that day. Lots of fish. You told me it was magic that made them practically jump on the hook."
He paused, waiting for a sign that Merlin was listening. Nothing. He lay his head down on the bed, eyes closed, willing Merlin to wake. He must've dozed for a moment as something startled him, making him jerk up. A page on the book, still open on the bed, settled as if it had just been turned. He narrowed his eyes; it had turned. Somehow. He glanced at Merlin but he had not moved. Looked at the book again, and pulled it to him, the golden words emblazoned on the page urging him. He flicked another glance at Merlin, then back at the book again. The words beckoned him; he cleared his throat, thinking this was ridiculous, but it had worked for Gaius, maybe...
"Is est vicis dimitto hic; totus est puteus. Illic est nusquam hic vobis iam, Vos must absum Vado iam, vado, universa vestri obduco, Vado, quod per nostrum bona fare puteus."
He waited, breath held, stared at Merlin... And again, nothing.
"Useless," he muttered, slamming the book closed. He stood, putting the book on the chair. He kicked off his shoes and sliding into the bed beside Merlin. He lay on his side, Merlin's head against his cheek. He couldn't see his face this way, but placed his hand on Merlin's chest, over his heart. It beat steady, and strong. He fought the jump of excitement. It was stronger, steadier. Maybe Merlin felt his presence? He lay as close to Merlin as he could, pulling the covers over them both.
He'd never felt so rotten. It wasn't like him to get so emotionally-wrought, but he was glad they were alone, and no one disturbed them. What was he like now, he wondered. There were so many questions he had, so many things he wanted to know.
"Where have you been, Merlin?" he whispered, his voice hoarse with exhaustion. "You were so close. You knew where I was, didn't you? Why didn't you find me? What were you doing with that thing?" He kissed Merlin's head, took a deep, shuddering breath. The only sounds were Merlin's breathing, the soft rhythmic beep of the monitors. "My life became so hollow after my father took me away from you. You told me you'd find me again. You promised you would."
"I did, didn't I?"
Arthur froze. The words had been so soft he wasn't sure he'd heard them. Maybe he'd wished them. He lifted his head so he could see Merlin's face, but it was as smooth and slack as ever. Hadn't moved, hadn't changed.
"Now I'm going soft in the head." He scooted down, lay his head on Merlin's chest, closing his eyes, listening to Merlin's heart. His eyes grew misty again, enough so a hot tear rolled down a face and onto Merlin's skin. He took a deep, shuddering sigh. He knew he should get up, take a shower, but he could not move. Did not want to move. He wanted to sleep, wake up and it all have been a bad dream.
When he felt a hand brush his hair back he knew he was in that twilight state between awake and not.
But then, again, the words came. "I'm here Arthur, it's okay. You might explain what I’m doing in hospital though. And why--" he shifted, gasping, “my leg hurts.”
He opened his eyes. The words seemed so real, but he still wasn’t sure if he’d imagined them. Then Merlin's hand cradled his head. He held his breath, not wanting to believe, but then beneath him Merlin stirred. He still could not turn his head, didn't dare. "Merlin?"
“Here.”
Arthur dared to lift his head and finally, finally, he wasn't greeted with that still, unmoving face, but the gorgeous blue eyes and a big, though tired and somewhat pain-laced grin he'd thought he'd never see again.
"Told you,” Merlin’s voice was hoarse, unsteady.
Arthur stared at him. “Told me what?”
“Magic would bring us together again."
"What?"
Merlin winced, then said, "The book. You said the words. I'd hoped..."
Arthur turned to face the book where it sat on the chair, then back to Merlin. "Those words I said? You heard them?"
He opened his eyes and smiled. "I could hear you the whole time." He raised his hand and placed it on Arthur's cheek, his fingers rasping against the day's old whisker. "I was scared you wouldn't figure it out. I tried to help you--"
Arthur curled his fingers around Merlin's. "You did. You really do have magic, don't you?"
Merlin nodded. "Yes. You're father--"
He squeezed Merlin's fingers. "Doesn't matter. Nothing matters but us."
His eyes widened. "My dog..."
"Is safe. Leon has him."
"Who is Leon?"
Arthur hesitated, but he might as well know. "My ex." He shrugged at Merlin's surprise. "He volunteered and don't worry. He's a good guy. He'll take care of him. What is his name?"
"Percival." Arthur chuckled at that. "What? It's a great name."
"I know. I just have a friend named Percival. What was that thing under your bed anyway? Why did you have it?"
He closed his eyes briefly again. "It was hurting a family. I caught it, but it got free somehow."
"It's gone now."
"I know. Thank you."
Arthur shuddered, the emotions rippled so hard through him. He wanted to yell, he wanted to cheer, but instead he said, “I didn’t expect it to happen quite like this, you know. You finding me.”
“It worked though, didn’t it?”
"Why did it take so long though?"
But Merlin just shook his head. "I knew I would find you when you were ready for me too." He smiled sheepishly. "I admit though, if I'd realised you were <i>this</i> close to me, I would've had an accident sooner."
Arthur wanted to laugh, he wanted to shake Merlin, but most of all he wanted to kiss him. And so he did.
* * * Two or so months later...
"Are you ready for this?" Arthur asked as they pulled up to Morgana and Gwen's house.
"I suppose. It's pretty late for a party isn't it?"
"He'll just sleep through the whole thing."
"True." Merlin smiled easily, red and gold present on his lap. "He's not even six months old though."
"I'm sure there will be a party then too."
"What's in this?" Merlin said, shaking it. "It's a pretty small present, isn't it?"
"They'll get bigger. Just wait until Kayla's next birthday. Hold on I'll come 'round."
Arthur slid out of the car and jogged around the front, making Merlin grin as he opened his door. Arthur took the package Merlin handed him and set it on top of the car, then his cane. He held out his hand with a formal bow--Merlin didn't like him making a fuss, but he was none too steady with his leg in a cast, and the sloped drive was treacherous due to the recent rain.
Merlin took his hand, let him haul him up. He took his cane, got out of the way for Arthur to close the door, but Arthur didn't let him go. He grabbed the package, tucking it under his arm. "Ready?"
"You know what would be faster?"
"What's that?" Arthur said as they slowly eased up the drive. Merlin was improving quickly, but the combination of injuries and the prolonged unconscious state had taken their toll. Still, he didn't care. Merlin was with him now, getting better, and that was all that mattered.
"You could carry me in."
They had reached the door. Arthur reached for the handle and true to her word, Morgana had left the door unlocked. He turned to Merlin. "Great idea."
"Hey!" Merlin yelped as Arthur swept him up. He flung his hands around Arthur's neck, making him chuckle. "This is not exactly what I meant--"
Arthur pushed open the door, carrying Merlin easily inside. He was light, despite the heavy cast.
Merlin squeezed his shoulder. "Arthur. Where is everybody?" Then he started to laugh. "What is this?"
Arthur looked about them, took in the soft music he'd suddenly become aware of, the softly burning candles. Wonderful smells came from the kitchen--chicken, wine, something smothered with butter. A huge bouquet of roses graced the gleaming table, where places for two had been set. A bottle of wine glistened in a silver ice bucket, with two glasses waiting to be filled.
It was perfect. He owed Morgana and Gwen big for this one.
"Wanker. You knew about this."
"Maybe--" At Merlin's pointed look he nodded.
"Put me down." Arthur did so, giving him back his cane but Merlin put it aside. Instead he looked at Arthur, taking his hands in his own. "You did this all for me didn't you. Why? I mean..." He looked around. "It's wonderful. But why, Arthur?"
He swallowed nervously. This was harder than he thought. "Because, I wanted to ask you, I want-- I want to make sure, oh bloody hell." He closed his eyes. "That is not what I meant to say."
Merlin squeezed his hand. He opened his eyes. Merlin touched his cheek. "You're blushing."
"It's not every day a man tries to propose, you know."
Merlin's eyes widened. "Propose? Are you serious?"
Arthur shoved the box into Merlin's hand. "Here. Open it."
"This isn't for... Oh. Clever." He shook the box, then ripped the paper off and opened it. Inside were the two bronze and gold rings he'd had specially-made. "They're dragons. They're glorious."
"Will you? I mean..." He couldn't believe how nervous he was. "I don't want to lose you again. Ever." He swallowed. "I couldn't bear it. Please say yes."
Merlin all but leaped into Arthur's arms. His mouth met Arthur's; he pulled Merlin tightly against him, relief and happiness pouring through him. "Yes," he finally whispered, pulling away but not letting him go. "Yes."
Arthur lifted his head and yelled, 'He said yes!"
From out of the other rooms came cheers and furious clapping. So much for being alone. But Arthur didn't care; he had what he wanted, his magical man in his arms. He would never lose him again.