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The first time she said it, Laura was trudging up a snow-covered mountain and shivering in the cold. Laf and Perry were stomping through the snow a few meters in front of her and she’d assumed that her ‘can’t actually feel the cold’ girlfriend was grabbing a snack in the woods.
The whisper of a touch on a cheek indicated that it was a poor assumption.
Laura turned, leaning into the touch as Carmila’s hand gently grazed up the side of her face to skim her ear, brushing just past the still oozing cut by her hairline. A light weight settled behind her ear in the vampire’s wake.
“Carm?” Laura asked, raising a hand to her ear.
Carmilla just looked at her shoes and fidgeted slightly, a small smile on her face.
Carefully Laura plucked the weight from her ear. She looked down and smiled at the small bright yellow flower. A dandelion. Even as she watched the flower, a light dusting of snow flitted across her palm.
“Where did you even find this in the snow?” She asked, twirling the stem between her fingers.
Carmilla shrugged, “Around.” She plucked it from Laura’s fingers and tucked it back behind Laura’s ear, “it just your kind of horrendous shade of yellow.”
“hey,” Laura scowled, “do not diss my pillow. You practically use it more than I do.”
Rolling her eyes, Carmilla turned and walked after Laf and Perry. Laura scuttled after her, falling in step with her girlfriend. She was capable at many things. Not slipping on ice patches was not one of those things. At all.
“You know,” Laura said at last, her breath frosty in the sunlight, “when I was a kid, we used to do this thing with dandelions where you could split the stem and turn them into rings.” She plucked the flower from her ear and started making a small cut in the stem with her thumb.
“No!” Camilla said, covering Laura’s hand with her own.
Laura looked up, surprised at the vampire’s intensity, “I just thought this way we could both see it. The colour’s not doing much brightening tucked behind my ear.”
Carmilla’s fingers were tense around hers, “Just put it back?”
“Okay?” Laura agreed, but frowned, “no problem.”
She quickly slipped the flower behind her left ear.
“Other ear,” Carmilla said.
Laura paused, then lightly grabbed the flower and stuck it behind her right ear.
Carmilla observed her for a moment, nodded, and then started walking back up the path, leaving Laura once again playing catch-up.
“I didn’t realize you had such strong preferences for dandelion placement,” Laura teased, trying to get something out of Carmilla to explain the strange behaviour.
Carmilla shrugged and kept walking.
Laura stared at Carmilla. Hard. When she was seven she’d been determined to acquire super-vision. This seemed like an excellent time to see if she’d ever acquired the skill. They spent the next twenty minutes in silence. Or what would have been silence if Laura hadn’t slipped on two patches of ice, nearly run into a tree, and had an unfortunate encounter with a thorn bush.
“Would you please watch where you’re walking,” Carmilla snarled as she hauled Laura out of the rosebush, “you’re beat up enough as it is.”
Laura pulled sticks and thorns from her hair, “that one snuck up on me. Who puts a bush in a path?”
“Cupcake,” Carmilla’s look was sheer exasperation, “this isn’t a path so much as a random animal trail. It’s not exactly maintained.”
Laura paused in the middle of extracting a particularly stubborn thorn from her palm, “Holy crap,” her eyes brightened, “is that what this is all about? Me being beat up? That’s what you said.” Carmilla scowled and looked down, “That’s what the flower thing was right? I’ve got that gash on my ear from the cave.” Laura took a step closer to Carmilla, “That’s why you wanted the flower there. To cover it up.”
Carmilla looked at the sky, letting the snowflakes dangling lightly off her eyelashes, “You’re crazy cupcake. It’s just a weed. Put it where you want.”
“Does the blood bother you?” Laura took a step back, “I’m so sorry. I know you’re hungry and I didn’t even think about it. I’m sure I can find something to cover it up. Maybe some cloth. I think Perry took some from that barn. We can totally cover it with a big bandage wrapped around my head or whatever.” Laura grinned, “I’ve always wanted to look like someone tried to chop my brain out.”
Carmilla scowled, “I’m not going to drink your blood cupcake,” she crossed her arms and turned back to the path, “I’m not an uncontrollable animal.”
Laura winced and rushed after her, “No. Of course. Of course you’re not. Sorry.” Carmilla’s shoulders loosened slightly so Laura continued, “But Carm, talk to me here. I don’t get it. If it’s not the blood then what’s with the flower? I mean it was super sweet but why that ear? And why are you so grumpy all of a sudden? I mean, I didn’t try to fall in that rosebush.”
“It’s not the rosebush,” Carmilla muttered.
Reaching out Laura put a hand on Carmilla’s arm, lightly stopping her but knowing that it would be easy enough for the vampire to pull away if she needed to. Carmilla didn’t turn back to face Laura, but she stopped.
Laura forced herself to say nothing, letting the silence speak for her. Her right hand stayed connected to Carmilla’s arm, the tips of her fingertips grazing her girlfriend’s bare arm. The smell of Carmilla’s jacket drifted up to her nose. Laura swallowed her words and contented herself with watching the snowflakes drift softly on the breeze and settle in Carmilla’s dark hair like stars in a night sky.
“It’s the blood,” finally Carmilla spoke, “but not the smell. It’s that I can see it.” Carmilla drew her arms in closer to herself, her posture ramrod straight, “Every time you get hurt, you bleed and bruise and you get painted in red and purple and yellow.” Laura frowned, trying to put the pieces together. “And it’s just a reminder,” Carmilla’s voice was something between a growl and a wave, “That I’ll lose you.”
Laura’s hand drifted to the cut, suddenly aware of the constant beat in her chest, “Because I’m human,” she corrected herself, “mortal.”
Carmilla remained silent.
Squinting, Laura rushed to put it all together. Turning the past few days over in her mind like rocks in a blender. When they finally turned into something polished, she let the words out with a gasp, “The kobold. Under the mountain.” Laura still wasn’t sure whether it was time to laugh or not that a tiny elf thing had tried to marry her. “He promised me forever.”
“I can’t say forever Laura,” now Carmilla turned, “Because my forever is so much longer than yours and even though I don’t want to think of a forever without you, I have to. That’s the reality. I can’t promise that I can give you forever.”
Laura watched Carmilla, careful to keep her gaze neutral
“So don’t,” Laura said at last.
Carmilla’s brow bunched.
“Don’t say forever,” Laura stepped forward, taking Carmilla hands in her own, “I don’t need forever and I’d never ask for it. That would be selfish.” Her smile was sad, “It’s a promise no-one can guarantee to keep. My mom died, Carm. She gave my Dad her forever but he couldn’t give her his. And I watched it almost tear him apart. He tried too hard, constantly focused on her, on her death. Worrying that he wouldn’t love her in twenty years drove him to the edge of his cliff.”
Carmilla was staring at her, eyes fixed, “how,” her voice was small, “did he leave the edge?”
Laura smiled, “One day at a time. Just focused on the fact that he loved her today and forever would work itself out.”
“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in ourselves,” Carmilla said automatically.
“Oscar Wilde?” Laura guessed.
“Shakespeare,” Carmilla said.
“Besides,” Laura shrugged and tapped Carmilla on the nose, “Ms Broody McVampire. All your brooding could be for nothing. For all you know, I’ll outlive you. Almost did it once, I could do it again.”
Carmilla caught her wrists, refusing to answer Laura’s barb. Her eyes were serious and heavy, “I can’t promise you forever, Laura. Where does that leave us?”
“Make me a different promise,” Laura whispered, letting her breath ghost across Carmilla’s face.
Carmilla leaned her forehead down to meet Laura’s, “I can try.”
Laura looked up, meeting the endless sea that was Carmilla’s eyes. They were the one piece of the vampire that truly looked as though they had gazed into the pit of eternity. Time written on her pupils. Laura could catch flashes of stories in the swirls of those eyes.
“Just, love me ‘til tomorrow?” she asked.
Carmilla’s smile was tinged with disbelief as she pressed her lips to Laura’s forehead, “I promise.”
#
Huffing, Laura dropped the overflowing cardboard box on the table with a bam. She groaned, rubbing her forearms and leaning against the table.
“You could have just stopped being stubborn and let me do this,” Carmilla entered the kitchen carrying a stack of three equally full boxes and lightly setting them on the floor.
“No way,” Laura took a deep breath and straightened, “Hauling boxes is a crucially important part of the moving in process and I am not taking advantage of your strength and letting you do the whole thing yourself. We do this together.”
Carmilla raised an eyebrow, “Even when the elevator’s out and you need to climb 8 flights of stairs?”
Laura scrunched her face up and nodded, “Unfortunately.” She finally decided to give her calves what they wanted and dropped to the ceramic floor of the new apartment. The exhaustion slowly drained into her, leaking into her limbs. She couldn’t even see Carmilla anymore over the piles of boxes that loomed around her with various labels. Most bore her own handwriting: Kitchen. Bedroom. Living room.
But the few that Carmilla had labelled were less helpful. Nerdy Things. No Idea what this is. Laura told me to label this box but failed to say with what. Box of boxes. Pots for food that Laura will probably never cook anyway.
She giggled.
One of the boxes disappeared and Carmilla’s head filled the gap, “Something funny about unpacking, cupcake?”
“Your labels,” Laura said, trying to force a scolding face, “are funny but will not help with the unpacking process.”
“So let’s not unpack,” Carmilla suggested.
Laura couldn’t say the idea was unappealing, “And live out of boxes forever?”
Carmilla paled slightly at her words.
“Or,” Laura rushed the words out, “we could simply procrastinate on the unpacking. After all, it would be foolish to not use these boxes to their maximum potential. I mean. How often do you have this many boxes on hand at one time AND an apartment completely free of furniture?” She hopped to her feet. An idea sparked as she looked at Carmilla still poking her head between the boxes. No-one could say that Laura Hollis didn’t think well under pressure, “Holy crap Carm.” she bounced up and down on her toes, “do you know what this means?”
“That we have a lot of boxes,” Carmilla deadpanned.
“We can make the best box fort ever!” Laura shouted.
So they did. The boxes were rearranged and stacked until they’d built a structure out of all their belongings. Not just any structure. Carmilla wanted a castled, going so far as to arrange boxes for towers and turrets.
She was fiddling with the parapet when the box of ‘Laura’s Non-Annoying and Non-Ginger Friends’ split open, drenching Carmilla in stuffed animals. The human giggled, blowing up the air mattresses that she’d grabbed from an appropriately labelled box. Carmilla shook her head with a small smile and chucked a bear at Laura’s head.
When they were done the wall of an imposing castle rose around them while a star projector shone lights up on the ceiling. Laura smiled up at her girlfriend as Carmilla fell onto the air mattress beside her, squishing a few of her stuffed animals and bringing with her a wave of fresh air. Taking her blanket with her, Laura squirmed over to Carmilla and curled into her side. Resting her head on Carmilla’s shoulder as the vampire wrapped an arm around her.
The fake stars spun slowly overhead, illuminating the castle in a faint glow.
Eventually Laura leaned forward, nuzzling her nose Carmilla’s into neck and laying soft kisses down Carmilla’s jawline. She felt Carmilla’s smile as the vampire softly ran her fingers through Laura’s hair and leaned down to meet Laura’s lips with her own.
Carmilla’s free hand came up she pulled back and Laura caught the flash of yellow as Carmilla settled something behind her ear. Laura let her hand trail up the side of Carmilla’s body, feeling her curves before letting the hand drift to her own ear.
Dandelion.
Laura closed her eyes with a small smile and flipped herself over, resting her full weight along Carmilla’s body. She opened her eyes and looked down. Her girlfriend was staring up at her, her eyes so large and soft that Laura had to wonder how she looked to the vampire. Fake stars behind her. Long hair brushing downward in a tousled mess. Dandelion behind her ear.
She never felt so beautiful as when Carmilla looked at her.
She cupped Carmilla’s check in her hand and asked, “Love me ‘til tomorrow?”
Carmilla smiled, “I promise.”
When Laura woke up tangled in Carmilla’s arms, the dandelion was still there.
#
“He’s so tiny,” Laura squealed as she took the offered newborn baby from Danny as Kirsch watched with a smile that threatened to crack the universe in two.
Carmilla raised an eyebrow from where she was raiding the couple’s cupboards, “His name is Laurie Kirsch,” she said, “he won’t stay tiny for long.” Perry smacked her with a spatula and shooed her from the kitchen.
“You’re just jealous because they didn’t name the baby after you,” Laf pointed out.
Carmilla rolled her eyes and dropped down on the couch next to Laura, “Didn’t name him after you either, Ging.”
“Um guys as I am, in fact, Laurie’s dad,” Kirsch said as Danny leaned against him, closing her tired eyes but smiling at his words, “I have it on good authority that Laurie is named after Lawrence here.”
Laf shook their head, “You’re just saying that to make the rest of us feel better for almost missing the whole thing while Laura The Almighty Godmother over there was rushing your girl to the hospital and almost delivered the baby in the car.”
Laura ignored them all and cooed over the infant, wrapping him neatly in her arms and rocking him slightly. He gurgled, kicking his feet with light taps against her arm before settling against her chest. Laurie curled up against her, molding to her body like putty.
She turned to Carmilla, eyes sparkling, “Look Carm! He likes me! Isn’t he just the cutest!”
“He’s very cute,” Carmilla acquiesced before smirking, “for a recently extracted wrinkly red potatoe human.”
Laura snorted before she caught the laugh.
Danny kept her eyes closed but pointed a finger at Carmilla, “If I hadn’t lost a ton of blood and was getting literally no sleep, I would totally pound you for that Karnstein.”
Carmilla sniffed the air and frowned, “No duh you’re tired, Xena. You’ve got anemia. Take some iron pills already.”
“Aaawwww, this little guy is keeping you up? No way.”Laura cooed, “He’s too cute and well behaved. I bet your parents just don’t have the magic Hollis touch, eh buddy?”
The baby snuggled closer, eyes shutting as Laura lightly patted his bum.
Kirsch’s eyes widened, “Laura, if you can get him to sleep then you basically can have him.”
“Just give him back every day between 10am and 2,” Danny snuggled into Kirsch’s side, “Carmilla’s up all night anyway.”
Laura laughed and rolled her eyes. Still looking down at Laurie, she turned to Carmilla, “Want to hold him, Carm?”
“You keep him,” Carmilla snapped.
Laura looked up, laughter gone. Carmilla’s knees were still towards her but the rest of the vampire’s body was twisting away as Carmilla stared at the floor so intensely that Laura worried she might accidentally set the carpet on fire. Again. The only motion Carmilla was making was a slow rub of the palms of her hands up and down her thighs like she was trying to rub something away.
The motion made Laura’s heart twitch. She looked down at Laurie and propped him closer to her mouth, speaking a staged whisper, “Alright Laurie, you see that? That’s your Auntie Carm and she is the nicest person you will ever meet. She’ll keep you from falling down stairs and make sure that your favourite snacks are in the cupboard and she’ll remember that thing you said months ago that you didn’t even remember and she’ll watch you while you sleep and she’ll smile.” The baby gurgled at her words, “and the best part is that no-one ever going to know because she’ll do it all in secret and you’ll hardly even realize she’s there but she’ll do something and you’ll just know it was her.” Laura smiled, “Even though you didn’t see it. And when she’s not there you’ll know and it’ll just feel wrong. Also,” Laura whispered, “she’s super broody so teenage you will love her.” Carmilla finally met Laura’s eyes as she said the last words, “I know I do.”
In a room full of people Laura didn’t dare say the words out loud so she simply mouthed the phrase, “Love me ‘til tomorrow?”
Carmilla moved quickly, sweeping Laurie from her arms like the vampire had held babies for a hundred years. Her voice lingered in Laura’s ear, “I promise.”
Laura woke up the next morning with a crown of dandelions woven into her hair.
#
Almost weekly, Laura woke up with a dandelion woven in her hair or tucked behind her ear. A promise to words she didn’t even have to ask but knew Carmilla needed to hear.
Carmilla had tucked one behind her ear after a dinner date at an upscale restaurant after Laura had tripped over her heels, and spilled an entire tray of lasagna over the vampire. Laura had frozen as the waiter apologized for something that wasn’t his fault. Carmilla simply rolled her eyes, pushed the pasta off her lap, and sat back down at their table. Her eyes smiled as they ate their now free dinner while the sauce slowly dried to her skin. Laura couldn’t help but force the words out over a giggle.
She’d found one woven into the hair at the side of her head after they’d watched a sappy movie and Carmilla had cried her eyes out into Laura’s shoulder, babbling incoherently in German as Laura caught every eighth word. Laura had looked at Carmilla’s running mascara and red eyes and whispered the question as she kissed the tear trails gently. Love me ‘til tomorrow?
There was a dandelion tied to the tails of her hair when she’d woken up naked and curled around a sleeping Carmilla. She’d asked the question the night before while Carmilla leaned over her, sweating, gloriously naked, and grinning wickedly as Laura screamed the words. Carmilla whispered her promise once they’d fallen, spent, into the mattress.
The flower sitting on an empty pillow at 4am was the most disconcerting, as though the gift giver had been afraid to touch her. She grabbed the yellow flower and twirled it between her fingers, remembering how she’d sobbed the words at Carmilla’s retreating back as she’d thrown the kitchen sponge at the vampire’s head. Rage and fear making the words nearly incomprehensible. Laura got up, tucked the flower behind her ear and made her way to the living room, curling up in the small space between Carmilla and the couch.
A flower had appeared in her hair as Carmilla had left and returned faster than a breath of air, while they slowly waltzed across the dance floor at the Perry-Lafontaine wedding. The flower had appeared before the question, Carmilla catching Laura staring at the happy couple. Carmilla had leaned in close and brushed Laura’s lips with a thumb stained yellow. That day the words had been whispered around a soft kiss. Love me ‘til tomorrow?
Laura had yellow dandelions mixed in a bouquet of white roses as she walked down the aisle in a white dress. She knew it had seemed an odd choice but she had insisted, nearly walking out of the florists shop, when they tried to convince her otherwise. Laura’s smile could have light the sun when she saw an identical yellow flower poking out of Carmilla’s suit. For the first time the words were proclaimed for all to hear as a loud vow and when Carmilla made her promise, it was the vampire who was crying around the smiles.
There was a flower tucked behind her ear when a truck had ran the light and slammed into her side, filling her world with the blanketing scream of pain. The internal cry of her body and the literal cry coming from the woman clutching at her body. The soft weight of the flower gave her strength and Laura stumbled out the words with a plea around a bloody tongue. Carmilla’s promise was the two pinpricks of pain on her neck.
A bright yellow dandelion was tucked between her fingers as Laura jerked forward, gulping for air she no longer needed. She could smell Carmilla’s fear as Laura stumbled to her feet so Laura gave her no time to hesitate, flinging herself against her wife as fangs slid from her gums.
For the first time it was Carmilla who asked the question. Laura’s promise sobbed around a searing kiss.
Love me ‘til tomorrow?
I promise.