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Eddie has never been happier. Steve, Nancy, and Robin are all piled on the large couch in the living room only one door away, watching some random movie that Robin swiped from Family Video after her shift that morning. They’re all smiling, laughing, and Eddie was right there with them only minutes before. Everything is perfect. At the very least, it’s so much better than Eddie has ever known.
But something is… off.
Eddie isn’t stupid enough to think that anyone’s life would be great all of the time, much less the lives of the four young adults who live in this rundown, isolated, near-shack of a house. Still, a lot of the time, the problems seem distinctly Eddie’s . Everyone else will be cuddling, and Eddie will suddenly feel so wrong and itchy and jittery that… well, how else could Eddie end up here, staring into a smudged-up mirror and gripping the cold porcelain sink while the other three remain soft and gentle and easy on the couch?
Eddie takes a deep, fortifying breath before finally, finally swinging open the bathroom door and moving on unsteady legs back to the couch.
Nancy and Robin pay Eddie no mind, Nancy’s huge brown eyes fixed on Robin as she spews facts about the actors and other random tidbits about the film. Steve, on the other hand, immediately moves to make room for Eddie. Exhausted and drained, Eddie settles down next to Steve happily, sighing when Steve maneuvers them so his body is resting on Eddie’s chest, his nose pressed to the baby-soft skin just below Eddie’s jaw.
Eddie fully relaxes, focusing more on breathing and the faint, thudding pressure of Steve’s heartbeat than the movie, when Steve looks up with heat behind eyes and asks, “wanna head to the bedroom, have some ‘guy time’?”
With a shake of his head, Eddie declines the offer, mumbling, “not a guy.”
Steve freezes against Eddie, and seconds later Eddie processes what just happened. “Whaddya mean?” Steve asks softly, gentle and confused, but Eddie is too busy panicking to admire Steve’s unwavering ability to be the cutest and most clueless person in the room.
Instead, Eddie pushes Steve away, fighting to breathe and sliding to the ground below the couch. The plush carpet feels rough against Eddie’s bare arms, the air suddenly hot and too heavy to suck in.
Voices surround Eddie, likely the others trying to push through the haze of panic to bring Eddie back to the present, to the real world, but they don’t understand that that’s exactly what Eddie is trying to escape. For the first time, the past is a haven. In the past, Eddie never admitted to not being a guy. In the past, Steve didn’t know how strange and fucked up and wrong Eddie is. In the past, Steve wasn’t frantically explaining the past minute to Nancy and Robin, and the two girls didn’t have a clue the type of disgusting pervert was living in their home.
Eventually, despite how hard Eddie tries to fight reality, the panic subsides and fades into pure exhaustion. Reality filters back in waves, Steve’s hands cradling Eddie’s face, Robin’s voice a consistent tether. She narrates everything that happens, from where Steve’s hands are moving, to the fact that Nancy has left the room to bring Eddie back a water and search for one of Steve’s hoodies. She halts when Eddie pulls out of Steve’s arms, fighting the bone-deep tiredness to stand and pace the room.
“Eds, hey, you don’t need to do that,” Steve says frantically, standing and hovering just a foot away as Eddie paces back and forth.
“Eddie, can you look at me? Just look at my face, ok, everyone’s alright,” Robin says in a reassuring tone, but Eddie can hear the fear underneath. It’s contagious, and finally gets Eddie talking.
“Everything’s not alright!” Eddie screeches, turning on a heel to face Robin. “Everything isn’t ok, I’m not ok!”
Robin nods, taking the outburst in stride. “That’s okay, Eddie, thank you for telling us. We’ll figure it out, alright? All you gotta do is keep talking to us.”
Eddie scoffs, “yeah, right. Once you hear more you’re just gonna hate me, you’re gonna kick me out and then I’ll be alone again and I can’t -” Eddie’s voice cracks, trailing off into nothing.
“No,” Steve says determinately, “fuck that. Nothing you say could make me leave you, Eds, not after everything we’ve been through. You’re stuck with me.”
And God, Eddie wishes that were true.
“Please just tell us what’s wrong?” Robin begs again, and it’s the desperation radiating off of her in waves that breaks the dam in Eddie’s chest, that lets the words come flooding out.
Eddie stops pacing, looking down at the carpet rather than Robin and Steve’s open faces. They’re so vulnerable, so trusting and real and kind, and Eddie refuses to watch as this trust shatters when they process what Eddie truly is.
“Sometimes… sometimes I don’t feel like a guy,” Eddie starts, breathless. Despite the panic, the fear, there’s something so purifying about saying it out loud. “Some days I feel like a girl, or like nothing, and sometimes it lasts for days or weeks on end and as soon as I think I’ve been faking it all along, it switches again. And other times it’s so switchy that I can’t settle for even a day, and it sucks , and my brain hurts and my body feels wrong and all of my clothes are terrible. I just, I didn’t want to say anything, I’m already enough of a freak as it is, but we promised not to lie to each other and I don’t wanna be called a guy, today, please,” Eddie rushes out, all in one breath. Her voice is delicate and shaky, and she knows her rambling is rivaling even Robin’s, but she feels lighter even as her hands sweat and her heart thumps deafeningly in the suddenly silent room.
“Oh thank God,” Robin exclaims seconds later, rushing at Eddie and gathering her up in her arms. Eddie’s breath hitches around a sob, her whole body tingling as Robin cradles her, one hand cupping the back of her neck, the other wrapped around her torso like a vice. “I thought I was gonna have to tell Steve it’s been his personality all along.”
“Hey!” Steve cries out, “you love my personality!”
And, despite the chaos of the past couple minutes, something just clicks. If there’s anything Eddie can count on in this life, it’s Steve and Robin’s joint ability to turn any situation into an opportunity to argue.
Robin squeezes Eddie one more time before pulling back a bit, twisting in her arms and keeping a firm grasp on Eddie’s arms to bring them up and around her shoulders, to hold them tight as she leans back against Eddie’s chest. “True, but I’ve never wanted to fuck you,” Robin says matter-of-factly, and Eddie just about explodes.
She must make some sort of weird squeak, because Robin gives her wrist a gentle squeeze and says, “if that’s alright with you, baby?”
Baby . She’s never heard Robin call anyone but Nancy baby, and it feels so good . “W-why?” Eddie asks, more out of an abundance of caution than anything else. She’s terrified, still, so scared about whatever the hell she is that she can’t process Robin’s unquestioning acceptance.
“Well, you’re not a boy, right? At least, not always, not today?” Robin asks, turning her head to look Eddie in the eye. Her eyes are bright and curious, not at all judgemental, and Eddie feels herself shake her head.
“No, not today,” she confirms.
Robin nods, “then yeah, mostly that. I’ve been wanting to kiss you all day, Eds, and it just happens sometimes. Just like you said, it could be for days or weeks at a time, or just randomly every couple days. It makes sense, now. I’m not going through any sort of weird crisis, or moody or something. It’s just that, sometimes, you’re not a guy. It’s pretty simple, now that I think about it.”
Eddie is speechless. Honestly, this is probably the most validating thing Eddie could hear. To know that Robin, a gold star 100% lesbian, views him as a girl when she is one, is absolutely mindblowing. Robin sees her.
“So, is it alright with you if I kiss you?” Robin asks after a second, when it becomes clear that Eddie’s mouth is going to stay open in shock and she isn’t planning on breathing any time soon.
Eddie nods frantically, and Robin twists in her grasp one more time to press a sweet, gentle kiss to Eddie’s lips. And fuck, it’s beautiful .
Robin’s lips are slightly chapped, rough yet soft against Eddie’s own. Eddie feels herself relax into it, going boneless in Robin’s hold, and one of Robin’s hands moves from her wrists to tangle in Eddie’s long hair.
They break apart after a second, the kiss feeling both infinite and incredibly short, when Nancy clears her throat behind them.
“Ladies, as much as I hate to break this up, we do actually need to finish this conversation.”
Nancy’s stern voice is commanding, causing a shiver to ripple through both Eddie and Robin. Her use of the term ladies nearly brings tears to Eddie’s eyes, so simple and unthinking yet so damn meaningful. She holds Steve’s worn-out swim team hoodie out to Eddie like a peace offering, like her words weren’t enough, and Eddie accepts it with shaking hands and an even shakier smile.
“Sorry,” Eddie mumbles, suddenly shy.
“Don’t apologize, it’s not your fault Robin is a fucking menace,” Steve says endearingly, grabbing the cup of water from Nancy’s hand and taking her other one in his own. He leads them both back to the couch, placing the cup on one of the coasters and earning a hair ruffle from Nancy.
Robin flips him off with a smile, untangling herself from Eddie to go join them on the couch. She keeps a hand on Eddie, though, and Eddie finds herself gravitating back into their orbit without a second thought.
Steve reaches out an arm as the two get closer, yanking Eddie from Robin’s grasp and plopping her firmly in his lap. Robin settles down sideways between Steve and Nancy, despite Nancy’s protests, squirming her feet under Steve’s thigh and leaning forward to bring Eddie’s legs sideways to intertwine with her own.
“Why are your feet so fucking cold, Buckster?” Steve shrieks, squirming under Eddie to try to get away from her ice-cold toes under his leg. “You’re literally wearing fuzzy socks, how is this possible?”
Eddie giggles, holding onto Steve’s shoulders as he wriggles around.
“‘Cause of my cold, cold heart,” Robin replies seriously.
Nancy chuckles, “sure, birdie,” she says, wrapping her arms around Robin’s torso and sandwiching one leg between the couch and Robin’s side. Her leg is just barely long enough for her to slide her foot behind Steve’s back, pressing down hard on the ever-tense muscles that lie beneath his skin.
Steve grunts shortly at the pressure, leaning back against Nancy and pulling Eddie along with him. “Wow, high school Steve would never believe his eyes,” he says with a grin.
Eddie raises an eyebrow, “what, the King wouldn’t be able to process the fact that he has the Freak in his lap?” Her tone is teasing, but a hint of insecurity must shine through at the face Steve pulls at her words.
“No, you absolute menace,” Steve says, bonking his head lightly against Eddie’s. “The King,” he says mockingly, spitting his old nickname out like a curse, “wouldn’t be able to process the fact that he scored the two hottest chicks in the school.”
Eddie gapes, feeling herself flush red from the top of her head to the tips of her toes.
“What does that make me?” Robin protests loudly.
“Don’t blame me, I tried!” Steve replies easily. Robin groans, like she always does when Steve brings up his ill-fated crush. “Seems like you’re just gonna have to settle for best friend and platonic soulmate,” he shrugs.
Robin smiles, “with a capital P, of course.”
“Of course.”
Eddie smiles, watching two of her favorite people go back and forth, locking eyes with Nancy as she wears a goofy grin that likely mirrors Eddie’s own.
Eddie was right, earlier. Everything is so much better than what she’s ever known. But she was wrong, too. Nothing is off , not anymore. Not when Eddie’s chest feels lighter than it’s ever been, when she’s smiling and laughing right alongside them. Not when her three favorite people are right here, as solid and present as the rings on her fingers. Not when the four of them are tangled together like the strings of Steve’s Twizzlers, like the braids in Nancy’s hair, like the strings of Robin’s ratty old friendship anklet.
With her people by her side, everything is truly perfect.