Chapter Text
Thor sat at his desk, his eyes tightly shut as he rubbed his hands over his face, his two-day beard scratching his palms. He reached down to grab his lukewarm cup of coffee before he remembered he had accidentally dropped some change into it moments before. “Ugh!” he groaned, swallowing the gulp of tainted coffee. “Could this day get any worse?” he mumbled as he rummaged through his desk until he unearthed a half-drunk bottle of water from the bottom of a file drawer. He wasn’t sure how long it had been there, and there was honest-to-god dust on it, but the water inside seemed clean (at least there was no change in it!) so he drank it anyway. He leaned back in his chair as he thought about the email he had received that morning, detailing his new assignment. Just the memory of it brought on the stirrings of a major headache. A pair of murders had been plaguing San Diego for the past two months, their similar details and circumstances prompting the belief that they were dealing with a serial killer. They had both occurred in the same enclave of stylish high-end homes widely known as the gay community, prompting fear and outrage amongst community leaders, who were demanding action. The department was pulling out all the stops, trying to get this resolved as soon as possible. All this he understood. What he didn’t get was why he had been selected to head the investigation. And with a partner. A partner! Thor hadn’t had a partner since his Narc days with Clint Barton. The two had worked together until he had been promoted to detective. Since then, he’d proven that he did his best work alone. Surely his excellent record showed that? This was somebody's sick idea of a joke. “Well, I’m not doing it. That simple” he muttered to himself as he rubbed his fingers over his brow. Suddenly, a crisp and clear voice interrupted his thoughts.
"Hi, you must be Michael. Michael Thor?"
Thor opened his eyes slowly, sporting a frown of annoyance at being interrupted. His eyes focused and he gasped involuntarily as he saw a beautiful face looking down at him. It reminded him of the angels that had adorned the church he attended as a child. "Yeah, So?" he mumbled in response.
The dark haired man stretched out his hand to shake Thor's hand, which he instinctively took. “I’m John Loki. I'm your partner on this case." he smiled warmly, gaining and maintaining direct eye contact as he spoke. Thor was immediately stuck by how certain and self-assured he sounded. His demeanor exuded authority, but not in an oppressive or pushy way. It wasn’t that he demanded respect, rather than it was expected as a foregone conclusion. It immediately made Thor feel off-center, and he didn’t like it. "The Captain wants to see us. Shall we go?" Loki asked.
“Uh – um… right” Thor said, nodding dumbly as he immediately stood to follow, wincing internally as he noted how quickly he ‘obeyed’. As he walked alongside Loki, he wondered at his reaction. Hadn't he sworn to do everything he could to get out of this? Yet, here he was walking next to a man whom would likely be his partner for several weeks. What the hell? He thought to himself.
Loki was oblivious to the other man’s turmoil, his own mind preoccupied with thoughts. As a newcomer to the department and the city, he was happy to get an important assignment so soon. He was ready to prove himself a capable investigator.
As the men walked, Thor threw surreptitious glances at his new partner. He noted Loki matched him in height but whereas Thor boasted a muscular build, Loki was lean and toned, much like a runner.
It suddenly hit Thor: Holy shit! This is the gay guy! He thought as they approached the Captain's door. Rumors had been circulating regarding the new hire, rumors that the department had hired a gay detective to quell insinuations of bias. And now here he was. Well, there’s no way I’m working closely with a fag! Thor paused for a second. Even he bristled at the crudeness of his own reaction.
They reached the captain’s door and Loki rapped lightly, beating Thor to the punch.
“Come in” the captain called distractedly.
Loki opened the door, motioning for Thor to go in first. Thor entered but found himself bristling at Loki's manners. Why’s this guy treating me like a fucking chick? He thought gruffly as he entered the room.
The Captain was standing behind his desk, poring over several photos scattered before him. Thor caught sight of the gruesome images of a young man's body with what appeared to be numerous stab wounds. He also appeared to have suffered severe torture. The Captain wore a look of consternation which faded as soon as he looked up at his visitors. "Well, if it isn't my new detective team!" He said, smiling broadly.
Thor could feel his face heat and his blood rise with the captain's comment. Loki simply smiled.
"Please, gentlemen, sit down." The captain gestured to the chairs before him.
You’ve both received copies of the case files. If you’ve done your homework, you should be up to speed on your assignment.
“Two men have been found dead in the last two months on the grounds of the Sapphire Towers luxury condominiums” Loki said promptly, not noticing Thor rolling his eyes in derision. “Both were condo residents, between the ages of twenty-five and thirty, and homosexuals. Both appear to have been tortured, and stabbed to death on the premises. Intel says the murderer might be on-site.” Loki finished.
“Er, yeah, that’s right.” The captain said, caught off guard.
Thor snorted. “Yeah, we all read it, but thanks. Thanks for the recap.”
Loki blushed as he realized how he came across. In his enthusiasm to show his competence, he was coming off as a suck up! “I was just making sure I had all the info”, he said as he turned, frowning to Thor.
“Yes, well,” The captain continued, trying to smooth over an awkward situation “The tenants are understandably frightened. The similarities of the two murders point to a serial killer, but after two months and extensive study and research by forensics, we’re still nowhere near catching the bastard!” The captain paused, and took a couple of steadying breaths. He always endeavored to keep a calm level head when it came to work, but this case had made him more and more frustrated. “We’ve decided to place the two of you on-site, under cover, to closely monitor the situation. You’ll be moving into one of the condos, posing as a married couple. We’ve set up—“
“Wait – what?!?” Thor stammered, sitting up straight.
The captain continued with his explanation. “-- set up identities for you, complete with identifications and histories, and have established you as well-off enough to afford living there –“
“Okay, I get that I have to move into the complex filled with fa- gay guys, but why do we have to be married? Why can’t I just move in alone?” Thor said in a rush, a slight panic in his voice.
He directed his words to Thor. “The M.O. of the perp is to go after men in established relationships. We want to maximize chance of contact with the possible killer, Thor.” The captain said patiently, ignoring the detective’s slip with the derogatory comment.
Loki sat, silently watching the exchange. He inwardly steeled himself for a difficult first case. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d have to work with a homophobe, it just never got easier. “Captain, what intel do you have on the killer?”
For the next fifteen minutes the captain went over the specifics of the case, explaining what they were to look for, naming people of interest and areas on the property they should concentrate on. Loki listened attentively, taking note of any and all detail. Thor sat, slightly slumped in his seat, nursing his headache and discord by rubbing the left side of his head. The captain finally wound up his comments and the three men stood up, Thor yawning loudly while pulling his arms over his head, his loose-fitting clothing easily exposing tight abdominal muscles. Catching sight of this, the captain snapped his fingers.
“That reminds me! Thor, you’ve got appointments set up at a men’s day spa for tomorrow. You two don’t move in until the day after, so that’ll give you more than enough time for, uh, clean-up” the captain said with a slight smile on his face.
Thor dropped his arms, his mouth open in utter surprise and confusion. “Sir, what are you talking about?"
“I’m saying you need to get ready to fit into this role and make yourself believable.” The captain looked him up and down with a worried look on his face. “Quite honestly, you look kinda grungy."
Thor couldn't believe what he was hearing. He’d never worried too much about his appearance since his main focus was to do his job. But he wasn't altogether oblivious to the appreciative looks he constantly got from a number of women at work and elsewhere. He knew his long blond hair, striking blue eyes, and impressive physique were a pretty winning combination. His girlfriends had never complained. What the hell did he need with a men's spa? What did that even mean? "Sir, I don't see how a spa is necessary --"
"Thor you need to look like you're part of a couple with… well… Loki."
"Well, what about him?" Thor gasped as he pointed towards Loki, who had been watching this confrontation quietly but obviously amused.
“I’ll go to a spa!" Loki offered.
"He doesn't need one” The captain said, exasperated. “Look at him!"
Thor turned to stare at Loki directly, searching for a flaw. Loki responded by arching an eyebrow and smiling knowingly. Damn it! The captain was right. Loki looked like he was about to pose for the cover of a men's fashion magazine. His clean shaven face exposed light, flawless skin, made almost ephemeral by his contrasting dark hair. His clothing accentuated his lean body, his green shirt was fitted perfectly to his torso and highlighted his deep green eyes, which were focused on him. His jeans hugged his long legs and shapely ass, just tight enough to look good without looking trashy… ok, ok, now he was looking too closely! Thor suddenly felt self-conscious and turned away. "Alright, fine, I'll go, but I still don’t see why it’s necessary!" He retorted, turning his gaze to Captain Rogers. “Where do I need to go?”
The captain pushed two manila envelopes towards them. “You’ll find what you need in here. These packs have your new ids, passkeys, backgrounds, everything detailing your new lives. Commit them to memory. You’ve got 24 hours.” He then turned and addressed Thor “It’s a great spa, Thor. Really top-notch. Believe me, you couldn’t easily afford it on a cop’s salary. You might find you’ll enjoy it” the captain said with a smirk.
“Oh, I seriously doubt that.” He grumbled as he grabbed his envelope and walked out.
. o O o .
Turned out, he enjoyed it. At least, he liked some aspects of it. Sure, he'd been poked, and waxed, and tweezed but he had actually been fascinated by the entire process. He couldn't believe there were men who actually put up with this on a regular basis. His face and hair had been treated with so much product he was certain the shine could be seen from space. He didn't even recognize his own hands and feet. He had expected the obligatory mani pedi but hair removal from VERY unlikely places, that was unexpected. “Manscaping” was certainly a word he never thought he’d need to know. But nothing, NOTHING had prepared him for the final treatment. Two words: Anal bleaching. ANAL BLEACHING!!! What the hell? Thor finally drew the line.
He emerged a paragon of masculine beauty, or so the whistles would have you believe as Thor entered the station. With his hair pulled back and an expensive Italian suit, he looked like a new man, or at the very least, a polished version of his old self. I guess a little grooming once in a while isn’t so bad, Thor mused as he passed by a window and caught his reflection. He had never had any qualms about the way he looked, but even he had to admit, his appearance did give him additional confidence. He smiled as he began to acknowledge the appreciative glances and wolf whistles from both men and women at the station. Whether they be in jest or not, he decided to go with it, even adding a little swagger to his step, enjoying the moment. He decided to make a quick detour to Narcotics, and shock the hell out of his old co-workers.
“Well, you clean up good!” Clint said as Thor reached his desk. Clint’s new partner, Natalie whistled appreciatively. “I hardly recognized you! What’d you do, shower?” he joked as he put his hand on Thor’s shoulder and held him at arm’s length, looking him up and down.
“Eat your heart out!” Thor said, smirking as he held his arms out and turned slowly. “I’m thinking of making this a regular thing. What do you think?”
“You could try, but I can’t see you pulling this off every day” Clint said shaking his head.
“You should definitely do it” Natalie said nodding. “All done up like this you look like a model”
“Or a hooker!” Clint exclaimed, snapping his fingers. Natalie smacked him upside the head, and he amended “Sorry! Prostitute! A high end one.” He added, smirking.
Thor rolled his eyes, while the small crowd that had gathered around them laughed.
“Don’t listen to him” Natalie said as she adjusted Thor’s collar. “He’s just jealous cuz he could never pull this off. You look fantastic!” Others around him murmured their agreement as well. “Besides,” she said in a lower voice in his ear “those guys have some pretty high standards, I think you’ll fit right in” She said with a smile as she patted his arm.
“Thanks, Nat” he smiled, as a little voice in his head popped up suddenly: but will Loki like it? The thought brought him up short a bit. Why should it matter if Loki approves? He IS the one you’re dressing for, after all, that nagging voice said again. Where did THAT come from?!? He wondered as he shook it off, trying to clear his head. He refocused his attention on his friends. “Well, I think I’ve graced you all with my presence enough! See you losers later” he waved as he went in search of his partner.
He reasoned with himself that Loki would be the definitive judge of his appearance, as he would be the one with more experience with these things. I am NOT seeking his approval, this is just for the sake of authenticity. Thor told himself as he walked down the hall, towards their division. …and the little spark of excitement he felt, well that was just the anticipation of beginning a new assignment, that’s all.
As he turned a corner, he spotted Loki in the archive room directly in front of him at the end of the hall, leaning against a filing cabinet, completely engrossed in the documents he was reading. Thor smiled in anticipation as he neared. Upon hearing footsteps, Loki looked up. Thor’s grin widened as he saw the very stunned look on Loki’s face.
A single word emerged from Loki's lips. "Damn!"
“So, am I worthy of being called your partner now?" Thor asked with a heavy note of sarcasm.
“Very worthy!" Loki responded, without missing a beat, his file forgotten in his hands. He smiled broadly as he slowly circled Thor, looking him up and down. Thor’s own smile faltered as he began to feel uncomfortable under Loki’s scrutiny. He was sure he imagined it, but for a second, the look on Loki’s face was almost predatory! “So, how was it?" Loki asked with genuine interest.
Thor was quiet for moment, considering the question. “It was… intriguing and perverse. I can't believe you guys put yourself through all that all the time!"
"What do you mean 'you guys'? Loki asked suspiciously.
"Well, you know, gay men." Thor said haltingly, feeling like he’d just committed a social gaffe.
Loki smiled sadly (at least that's how Thor perceived it) “You realize a good majority of men who go to these places and get 'things' done are straight. And not all gay men get these things done."
"Do you?" Thor felt the question escape him before he could stop himself.
“No,” Loki huffed out a laugh, leaning against the file cabinet once more. “I don't have the time or the money."
“So, all this” Thor said, motioning with his arm the length of Loki's body “just comes naturally to you?"
"That's right!" Loki said conspiratorially, leaning briefly towards Thor and wiggling his eyebrows a bit.
Thor looked stunned. Loki was obviously comfortable being perceived as attractive, even beautiful. It was a self-awareness Thor couldn't understand.
"You know I'm joking, right?" Loki added, as he noted Thor's surprise.
"Uh, yeah… Yeah, of course I knew you were joking." Thor answered, fidgeting and looking down at the floor.
Loki considered him for a moment. “This must be pretty weird for you. It’s a lot to take in.”
“It’s the job.” Thor said with a shrug as he brought up his eyes to meet Loki’s. I’ve done my share of under-cover work in the past, posing as mobsters, contract killers, drug addicts… compared to all those, this is gonna be cake!” He said with a grin.
“I suppose you’re right,” Loki conceded “living in a luxury apartment neither one of us could ever dream of affording will be nice… but still, this assignment’s different. You were basically ordered out of your comfort zone and asked to do your job in unknown territory. A lot of guys would have fought like crazy to get out of it.” Loki leveled him with his gaze. “I’m impressed.”
There was an awkward silence as both men half smiled at each other.
“Look Thor, I know this is going to be tough for you, so I was thinking maybe we should present ourselves as a couple experiencing some marital difficulties.”
"We're having problems?" Thor said with a start, eyes wide.
“I think it would make sense. It would go a long way in explaining why a couple in a committed relationship doesn’t show any physical affection.” Loki reached out and ran his hand down Thor’s forearm softly, almost in a caress. Thor flinched and jerked back at the contact, as if he’d felt an electric shock.
Loki chuckled softly “We can use your… aversion to our advantage."
Thor bristled at the words. “It wasn’t – I’m not – I just wasn’t expecting it! You caught me off guard." He said with a frown.
"Look, it’s okay" Loki soothed, hands up in an 'I surrender' pose, in an effort to smooth things over. "I get it. A lot's being asked of you. One day you come into work and are told you have to pretend to be gay. I meant what I said about not a lot of guys being up to the challenge."
Loki's words placated him somewhat, but Thor continued to frown in confusion. With all the preparation leading up to the case, he hadn't really given any thought to how they would behave with each other. They would be a couple. Of course they would be affectionate, or at the very least, there would be some physical contact. How else would they be convincing as a gay couple? He suddenly became nervous as hypothetical situations flashed through his mind. Holding Loki’s hand, Loki putting his arm around him, around his waist… would he be able to do this convincingly? He had practically jumped out of his skin when Loki had touched him a moment ago, just on his forearm! (Although if he was being completely honest with himself, his reaction to Loki’s touch wasn’t due to aversion. The soft, gentle touch had sent a tingle up his spine, and it wasn’t entirely unpleasant.)
“You okay?” Loki said as he peered at Thor’s face. “Are we good? I didn’t mean anything negative by what I said…”
“Yeah… yeah.” Thor said, shaking himself out of his reverie. He focused his thoughts to the present. “What would it say about us if we aren’t even trying to fix our problems?” Thor said suddenly. “I mean, would we even be believable as a couple if we didn’t have PDAs?”
"Would you rather we kiss in front of the other tenants?" Loki said, smiling as he raised his eyebrows.
“No!” Thor said, blushing immediately.
"Okay then. Marital problems it is." Loki said with finality, as he turned back to the file cabinet and started putting away the papers he’d been reading.
Thor stared at Loki’s back and stood stock still. The minute Loki had made the suggestion of kissing, his brain had gone into overdrive, creating more hypothetical situations. Suddenly, all he could think about was kissing Loki. Running his fingers through Loki’s hair as he pulled Loki’s face to his and pressed their lips together, feeling the warm wetness of him…Thor was going to start hyperventilating soon! He leaned against the credenza behind him, adopting a casual pose, in an effort to at least appear calm. What the hell was that!? He thought in disgust. All this exposure to gay shit had gotten it in his head! That had to be it! What other explanation could there be for him to be thinking of kissing A GUY! This whole situation was throwing him off his game. A week ago, his biggest worries were whether to watch the game at home or at his favorite bar, and where he and Jane would go to dinner. Now suddenly he was worried about how being a part of a troubled gay marriage would make him look to a bunch of gay guys! To be quite honest, his vanity couldn't abide with the idea that anyone would be unhappy being married to him. Even pretend married. He knew for a fact that numerous girlfriends (including his present one!) felt this way. They’d always hinted at how wonderful it would be to be married to him. How could Loki not feel the same way… Okay, hold up! Thor thought as he sat up and cleared his throat. We’re not really married! I have got to GET. A. GRIP.
Loki turned and looked at Thor quizzically. "What bothers you about this?" he asked. "I thought you'd welcome an out on having to show affection to another guy."
Thor shrugged, attempting to look unaffected. "I don’t know, the whole situation seems kind of depressing, that’s all."
Loki shut the last file cabinet and leaned against it as he spoke. "It will give us a good lead-in to talk to people individually, you know, we can each pretend we need someone to talk to, tell our troubles to. It will engender confidence and interest. Besides,“ he said with a conspiratorial grin “we gays do love our gossip!"
Thor frowned. "Now who's stereotyping?" He still wasn’t sure when Loki was joking or not, and it sometimes felt like walking on eggshells with him.
Oh, it's not a stereotype,” Loki said with a grin as he started walking out, motioning for the other man to follow. “It’s pretty much true.”
Thor considered this and chuckled softly, shaking his head. "So, what's the story? Why are we unhappy?"
“Oh,“ Loki said, his grin widening considerably “I’m going to tell everyone you cheated on me. You’ve got a wandering eye, are kinda bored, and your head is easily turned by a pretty face."
Thor stopped in his tracks in the middle of the hallway. "What?” he said, grabbing Loki’s arm to stop his progress. “Why do I have to be the bad guy?” He said raising his voice, attracting the attention of the other officers.
"Calm down, it's just a story,” Loki said rolling his eyes. “You didn't really cheat on me! You wouldn’t want to,” He whispered, turning to face Thor fully, leaning in a bit “– you wouldn’t be bored.” Thor just gaped at him, eyes wide, not sure how to process what he heard. Loki was enjoying this waaay too much!
"Shall we?“ Loki said, voice suddenly louder, standing up straight.
"W-what?" Thor said, still a little rattled by Loki’s actions.
"Our new place” Loki said, walking away “Shall we go check it out?”
Thor then remembered exactly why he had put himself through a day of exquisite torture and followed Loki to the home they would share as a couple.