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It didn’t take them long to stop hiding.
Well, they never hid, knowingly. It was more of a lack of acknowledgment of their relationship in front of their coworkers. Very different from hiding.
It didn’t take long because honestly they were just that much in love and obsessed with each other, they saw no reason why getting into a relationship would be a bad thing. And maybe their love was blinding them in some capacity, but they both saw a future together, so telling their coworkers was definitely one of the first steps in that direction. In hindsight, not hiding was probably not the best way to go about it. They could’ve just outright said it. But they didn’t. Fools.
After six months they had managed to convince themselves that everyone at the precinct knew about it, even though they did try to maintain some sort of professionalism in the workplace. And after a year they were sure everyone was just about ready to get their wedding invites in the post soon.
Their first mistake was making all these assumptions. The second one would be trusting their coworkers to make the connection. And the third one was not thinking about matching outfits sooner, a true disgrace.
When the year and a half was up, Sonny and Rafael were living together, adopting their second cat, and visiting the Carisis every Sunday. Which in their book, and both of their families, meant that they were as good as married already.
It was then, only then, that someone at the precinct decided to acknowledge that Sonny might be in a relationship. That someone was Amanda, of course.
Fin was quick to join in the efforts to figure out if Sonny was actually dating someone, and Mike begrudgingly agreed, under the impression that he was getting free beer from the agreement.
“So we agree Sonny has to be dating someone, right?” Amanda whispered conspiratorially. She wasn’t actually whispering, because the masses of people at Forlini’s were drowning the sound, but her two colleagues could make out her words without a problem.
“Most definitely, he’s been dressing better, surely thanks to a higher power in his life; he has started talking about a we which might be the biggest clue, and he’s always staring longingly at his phone,” Fin nodded seriously. Mike didn’t think the older man was as observant as he apparently was. Color him impressed. Mostly because he had noticed the same things.
Amanda was nodding along, which meant that she had perceived these same behaviors in their friend. Now it was fair to ask themselves:
“Why hasn’t he said anything about it?”
“He knows we’re going to tease him about it, no doubt,” Fin shrugged. Amanda smirked. Mike nodded. It was all true.
“Yeah, he’s doing the right thing, we’re a menace,” Mike gesticulated at the three of them, at their situation.
“What can I say, he’s fun to mess with,” Rollins mused, flagging the bartender for another beer.
Asking Sonny themselves was their first course of action. But that wouldn’t prove to be half as fun as figuring it out themselves. And they didn’t have high hopes of drawing an answer from him anyway. So they played the long game, gathering clues. They were detectives after all and they weren’t in a rush. Better not to alert Sonny that they were onto him.
The clues they had were very limited. The woman seemed to have been in Carisi’s life for a while since Sonny often talked about going together to see his family. She had a good fashion sense and was elevating the whole of Sonny’s wardrobe too. Sonny was happier than they’d ever seen him, so she must be good for him. And that was it. Not much to start from, but it was something.
The first piece of interesting evidence arrived a couple of weeks later.
It was a horribly humid day. When everything felt damp and like it would never dry again.
Amanda felt sticky everywhere. Her legs on the chair, her hand clammy where it gripped the pen, and everywhere around her hairline, from the back of her neck to her temples, she was sweaty and dripping. It was disgusting.
“Ugh, can’t wait to get home,” mused Sonny. His sleeves were rolled up, but there was a patch of sweat on his back.
“I’m thinking about a sweaty baby and warm milk waiting for me at home, I might be better off here honestly,” Amanda sighed. She was loving motherhood, she was, but days like these got the better of her. She wanted to crawl into a fridge.
“You should come around to ours, Rollins, we just installed an AC unit, it’s doing wonders for our mood,” he said with a smile.
Amanda’s eyebrows shot up. She caught Mike’s expression from the corner of her eye, he looked equally stunned. Sonny didn’t seem to realize, his phone pinging continuously.
There was too much information packed into Sonny’s sentence. He had moved in with this mystery girlfriend, they had installed an AC unit, irrelevant; and he was inviting Amanda over to meet said girlfriend, and their apartment. The implications of that last bit of information were doing wonders for Amanda’s curiosity. He was really serious about this, and he didn’t seem to care at all about this potential first meeting, which was very uncharacteristic of him.
Rollins wanted to say yes, she really did.
“Maybe another time Carisi? I have my sister over, I can’t leave her alone,” bringing her to Sonny’s apartment too was out of the question, and they both knew it, so she didn’t mention it, and Carisi didn’t push it either.
“Ah. I see, well, next time maybe?” he smiled again, that careless smile that was very much Sonny, but so unexpected of him in situations like these, where his love life was on the line.
“Of course,” Amanda answered. She had gotten interesting information, even without much digging, Sonny had freely volunteered it. Amanda’s spider senses were tingling, metaphorically.
It was a couple of days later when the weather was giving New York a truce, it seemed, that Fin and Amanda managed to peer into Sonny’s love life once again. And what a glimpse it was.
Fin never stayed late if he could avoid it. Keyword, if.
He had given the NYPD his whole life, his youth, and most of his free time. He wanted back some of it, which meant that if he could, he’d go home earlier, grab a beer with a friend, drop in to see his son, and play some videogames. Everything he should’ve done in his earlier years.
But that particular evening he was still there, glasses on and pen in hand. The reports wouldn’t write themselves, sadly.
Amanda was there too, she looked equally eager to leave the precinct, she kept saying one more, and then I’m going home, but never actually leaving, just grabbing another form to file.
It was when the clock was pushing eight pm that Sonny appeared in the doorway of the precinct. He had left earlier, looking overeager for some reason. Now they could tell why.
There had never been any doubt in Amanda’s mind that Sonny was a handsome man, but there were times when he surprised even her. His navy three-piece suit fitted him like a glove, it was tighter than what he usually wore for work, and the sky blue tie was doing all sorts of things for his eyes. His hair was perfect and even his shoes were nicer than the ones he wore for chasing down perps. Amanda was stunned, and maybe salivating a little, not that she’d ever admit to it.
Fin seemed to immediately catch her stare though, chuckling at her shock.
“Back here so soon?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.
Sonny waved some files at him as an answer, knocking on Olivia’s door before letting himself in. He didn’t bother to close it after himself and both Amanda and Fin caught the teasing voice of their Lieutenant when she spoke to Sonny.
“Have fun,” were her words, her face visible through the blinds was one of pure amusement. Carisi shut the door when he left, smiling widely.
“Hot date tonight?” Amanda asked, unable to help herself. She waited for Sonny to clam up, roll his eyes and leave, but he surprised her once again.
“We’re going out for our anniversary,” he said leaning slightly on Fin’s desk. He had visible hearts in his eyes, the absolute fool. “He’s taking me to this amazing sushi place, they have a guest chef for a couple of nights, I can’t believe he managed to get us a reservation.”
Amanda’s reply died in her throat. He?
She didn’t mention it, trying to school her features into a happy neutral expression. Not that Sonny would notice anything wrong, he was too busy with his head up whoever’s ass he was dating to notice anyone else around him. And did he just say anniversary? How long had they been dating?
“I think he might…” Sonny left the phrase dissolve with a sigh, clearly trying to avoid expectations. Amanda was too stunned to speak. He might what exactly? She didn’t ask.
“Well, I’m sure he won’t take kindly to waiting around for you behaving like a lovesick fool here, go Carisi,” Fin pushed him off his desk and Sonny seemed to regain some sort of reign over himself.
“Yeah, yeah, okay I’m going, see you tomorrow… maybe,” he winked at them, cheeks red, which was met with disgusted noises and laughter from his colleagues.
They watched him saunter off happily to the elevator. The moment he was out of earshot Amanda turned sharply to Fin.
“Why did we assume it was a she?!” She scream-whispered, it was better that Olivia didn’t overhear them, they’d never hear the end of it if she caught them gossiping about a coworker’s love life.
“I mean, have you seen him?” Fin shrugged, “he’s the poster boy for the good catholic man.”
“Yeah, but- ugh, we’re awful detectives.”
Fin laughed, and Amanda joined him.
“I’ll write Dodds the latest news, I’m sure he’ll be happy to hear them.”
When Sonny appeared in the precinct the next day it was pushing midday, and there was what Amanda knew from experience to be a hickey, barely hidden by the collar of his shirt.
No one said anything about it, Olivia raised an eyebrow but then smiled softly when Sonny said something to her. She truly was everyone’s mom.
It was not that Mike didn’t like seeing his coworkers outside of work. He had grown close to everyone, had a soft spot for Sonny, and Olivia was quickly warming up to him, and not because he was Dodds, he could tell.
He was sitting in a generic pub, Sonny in front of him. He was there only because he didn’t have anything better to do on his day off, and Sonny had offered beer, which was the fastest way to convince Mike of going anywhere. Carisi probably noticed too.
When Mike had walked in Sonny was already seated, a scotch in front of him, and onion rings to share in the middle of the table.
They talked about work, as they usually did, but then the conversation drifted onto sports and Sonny seemed eager to have someone to talk to about these things. Mike got suspicious.
“Does your man not like sports?” He knew Sonny might not answer, he was a private person when it came to love.
He shrugged instead, “Not big on baseball and football,” he said, “He’s more into vehicles.”
“Oh?”
“Well, his Harley is his pride and joy, I don’t think I can even compete against it, and then there’s the matter of the sailboat, don’t get me started with it.” Sonny was rolling his eyes like this was information Mike should’ve already known. Of course, he didn’t.
Conciliating Sonny’s boyfriend with someone who rode a motorbike and a sail boat was like making mental gymnastics. He wasn’t sure how to picture him.
“That’s… cool,” was everything he managed to say, quickly steering the conversation back to baseball. If Amanda had been here she might’ve pushed Sonny for more information, but she wasn’t so Mike didn’t ask, he was okay with whatever his friend wanted to give him.
He would relay the information to his two other associates though, they were in it together, and it was starting to get very good.
Very good turned to great when they saw him coming into the precinct one day with a leather jacket on.
It was his day off, Amanda knew it, but apparently, even on his days off, he was still acting as Barba’s mailman. He came in explaining that their ADA needed their signatures and kept muttering about the case. He didn’t realize no one was listening to him, not really. Amanda and Fin were just staring, and Mike, who was just coming out of Olivia’s office stood there on the threshold, frozen.
“Carisi,” Amanda said, quickly recuperating her footing, “what are you wearing?” her tone sounded accusatory, she knew, but it was the way it wanted to come out, she couldn’t help it. Sonny stopped talking, finally, and just went completely red, from the tip of his ears to the base of his neck, further down too, probably.
He stammered a little. Did he think they wouldn’t notice? “Ah- it’s not mine, I… borrowed it?” He intoned it as a question, which it wasn’t.
“Clearly,” muttered Fin.
While the jacked fitted a little large on his shoulders and arms, it was definitely running short on his torso, which might’ve made it all the more appealing to someone. That someone wasn’t Amanda, of course. But she understood. She’d let him borrow her leather jacket if it looked like that on him. But it wasn’t Amanda’s, it was Sonny’s boyfriend. His boyfriend who wore leather jackets and drove a Harley.
“You look awfully put together, don’t you get tired of dates?” Fin was baiting him, of course. Carisi didn’t seem to realize this, however.
“No?” he answered, scratching the back of his neck, clearly uncomfortable.
“I’m just messing around with you kid, go have fun with your leather daddy,” this made Sonny choke on air, he was sputtering and coughing, face almost burgundy.
“He's not- ugh forget it,” he said shoulders slumping in defeat.
“I know Sonny,” Fin rolled his eyes, unbothered, “ever heard of a joke?” At this, the other detective huffed out a laugh, seemingly convinced, but still trying to steer the conversation away from Fin's joke, which had made him uncomfortable for some reason.
“We’re going to a Broadway show,” said Sonny, like it would dissipate the situation or Fin’s recent words.
“Never pegged you for a broadway kind of guy Carisi,” Mike said, finally walking over to his desk after regaining some composure.
“Kind of have to be when you have an ex-broadway actor as your fianceè,” Sonny shrugged, clearly much more comfortable with the direction the conversation was taking.
It was Amanda’s turn to sputter and cough.
“He’s a what?”
“Well, not Broadway, but he’s been in some off, off, off Broadway shows in the past,” he said, then lowering his voice, “don’t tell him I told you about it, he doesn’t like this information going around.” But he was smiling, and Amanda wondered how would they ever tell this mysterious boyfriend of his that they knew about his secret off-Broadway past, if they’d never met him in the first place. And did Sonny just say Fianceè?
It took them too long to process the information, way too long, because the next time she opened her mouth to question Sonny about any of it he was halfway to the elevators, waving at them and smiling.
“Did he just say fianceè?” Mike asked, eyes wide open.
“I- I think he did.”
“None of these things make any sense, who is this guy?”
“He sounds cool, too cool for Sonny,” Amanda said, laughing at her own joke. She was allowed to make fun of Sonny.
“Is there something funny detectives?” Barba’s baritone voice cut through their joking. And everyone turned around to look at him. He was also dressed down, but still impeccable as always. He wasn’t wearing a tie and the top buttons of his shirt were undone.
“Ah- no nothing Counsellor,” Mike gave him a serious look, obviously trying to look professional, and failing.
Amanda ruined it by speaking at the same time, “Just trying to figure out the mystery of Sonny’s boyfriend.”
“Fianceè,” Fin corrected her.
It was clear the ADA had heard Amanda’s statement and decided to disregard Mike’s. He looked momentarily stunned in place, his eyebrows furrowed together in clear confusion.
“Sonny’s… Fianceè?”
“Yeah, he said so himself,” Amanda nodded along.
“The mystery of Sonny’s fianceè,” Barba stated, again.
“Yes, that’s what I just said.”
The man looked puzzled still, like the news were too big for him, and everyone witnessing his reaction was left just as confused. He seemed like he wanted to ask something else, but the moment was shattered by Olivia coming out of her office.
There was an unreadable look on her face like she wanted to laugh but also despair at the same time.
“I told you, Rafa,” she said, nodding her head to the side, motioning for the ADA to join her in her office. It was an I told you so if Amanda had ever seen one. But she wasn’t sure what the subject was. At this point, Barba just looked defeated and maybe a little angry. It always scared Amanda to see the ADA angry, it wasn’t a pleasant experience, and this time the anger seemed to be directed at them, she just wasn’t sure why.
“I can’t believe it,” he shook his head, trailing after Olivia, “what sort of detectives do you have in this precinct?” he muttered, Rollins knew she wasn’t supposed to hear it, that it was a question directed at the Lieutenant, but she heard it anyway.
“Well that was weird,” Fin said, returning to his research, the mood had clearly shifted.
It was later that night that Amanda got a message from Carisi. It wasn’t a weird thing in itself, it was just weird at that time of night.
S: Were you messing around with Rafael today? with that shit about my mystery boyfriend?
No hello, no nothing. If Amanda didn’t know better she’d say Sonny was pissed. And since when did he call Barba by his first name?
A: oh hi Carisi, how was the show?
S: fine.
S: answer the question Amanda
A: of course I wasn’t messing with him, why would I?
A: you know I’m scared of him
The next text took a while to arrive, Amanda had almost given up on trying to figure out what was wrong with Sonny when he texted again.
S: You’ve had to be
Amanda was starting to lose her patience by then.
A: Are you mad cause we’ve been speculating about your love life?
S: I’m not mad, I’m just very fucking confused
There were no more messages after that, and Amanda fell into an uneasy sleep. What was going on with Sonny?
It didn’t take long for Rafael and Sonny to see the humorous side of their predicament. They were going to marry each other, and no one in the squad actually knew they were together. After the best part of two years, they all remained clueless.
Liv had, of course, laughed and teased them about it relentlessly, which was actually nice, because it took the weight off the actual real problem they were facing.
“It’s terrible.”
“It’s not, Sonny.”
“It is!”
“They’re just idiots, I’ve always said it,” Sonny didn’t need to see Rafael’s face to clock the smirk on it. He turned to look anyway, craning his neck downwards where his fianceè’s head was resting on his shoulder. The smirk was there. Obviously.
“What do you want to do about it?” asked Rafael, removing his head from Sonny’s shoulder and looking at him in the eyes.
“I want to yell at them,” Sonny sighed, carding his fingers through his hair. Rafael laughed, kindly.
“You can do that, anything else?”
“I- I don’t know,” he sighed, his head dropping on the back of the sofa. “They think I’m dating an ex broadway star that wears leather jackets and drives around in a Harley,” he muttered. Realizing the absurdity of the situation he laughed too, a breathless nervous laugh he was not expecting.
“They’re not wrong,” Rafael said, nudging at his side with a twinkle in his eyes.
“I know that, but I’m sure it’s pretty far removed from the image they have of you.”
“I thought they knew most of those things about me already, minus the Broadway thing,” Rafael shrugged. Maybe they had been assuming one too many things about their coworkers.
“I think it’s safe to say that they don’t know anything about anything.” Barba was inclined to agree.
He leaned his head back onto Sonny’s shoulder, feeling the rise and fall of his clavicles as he breathed in and out.
“I only know that I want to marry you,” Sonny finally mustered, looking up at the ceiling. Rafael felt warmth spreading in his chest at the words. His fingers tangled in Sonny’s hair, tugging at it and bringing his head down for a kiss. He kissed him slowly and deliberately, his fianceè going soft the moment their tongues started tangling together.
“We’ll figure it out mi amor,” Rafael said, leaving one last kiss on his cheek.
“Hopefully they figure it out too.”
“Maybe we just need to be more obvious.”
“We will never hear the end of it from Liv,” Sonny groaned. He knew Rafael had no qualms about it, Olivia was one of his best friends, and Sonny was starting to consider her one of his closest friends as well. Olivia also happened to be his boss, which complicated things.
“She’ll have a great time with it, and you know it.”
“That’s what I fear.”
Rafael laughed.
Amanda wasn’t sure the clues she was gathering lately were related to Sonny’s mysterious fianceè, but she was sure they had to mean something. And of course, Barba was at the center of it all.
From that time she had told him about their efforts to uncover the identity of Sonny’s lover and the subsequent messages she got from the man in question, everything seemed to have taken a turn.
Sonny wasn’t offering up as much information, turning away from conversations around his love life, and just generally acting colder towards them. Not in a worrying way, he was still the same sunny Sonny, but she did see that he regarded everyone differently, it felt almost like wariness.
Barba was right at the center in the way that he usually was when it came to Sonny.
It wasn’t rare to hear the ADA’s name coming from Sonny, but lately, it was different. It wasn’t Barba anymore, it was always only Rafael, even Rafa one time; or Counsellor, said with a tone Amanda would call teasing if she didn’t know better.
When she found them sharing Thai in Barba’s office at lunch one day she thought that maybe she didn’t know better. But there was no evidence there for her, no closeness, no pet names, no hand-holding or loving stares. And Barba, even with all of his usual flare, wasn’t an ex (off, off, off) Broadway star. He couldn’t be.
But then they were arriving together, catching each other’s eyes from across the room, Barba’s hand on Sonny’s shoulder or his back. And Amanda could almost picture the ADA in a leather jacket riding a Harley. Almost.
Mike and Fin weren’t of much help. They had definitely noticed something was going on, something had changed, shifted. But all of their initial interest had slowly faded, it was up to Amanda to solve this thing. To Nancy Drew it.
It turns out she didn’t have to solve anything in the end, because she caught them kissing on the elevator, and that was hardly thanks to her detective skills. She couldn’t help taking in the whole scene, Sonny pushed against the elevator wall and Barba crowded him in, his hands on the small of the detective’s back, pulling his hips against his own. The kiss was dirty, more than Amanda wanted to see. A small part of her pointed out the incongruences of the whole situation. It was clear that Barba was Sonny’s mystery man, and had been together for a while now. They had never been this careless and reckless before. She didn’t know how, but she was sure her catching them like this wasn’t exactly an accident.
“Ah- Sorry ‘Manda, got uh- distracted,” Sonny mustered some sort of apology, which he managed to do without sounding sorry at all. Barba’s hand was still protectively wrapped around the detective’s waist, he was giving her a shit-eating grin. She jumped into the elevator with them, pointedly turning her back to the couple.
Sonny chuckled, lips red and shiny with spit.
The way down to the garage floor was long, and it didn’t take long for Amanda to hear a thud behind her, and then Sonny was giggling, actually giggling like a fourteen-year-old.
“Quiet,” came Barba’s voice, then kissing sounds.
“You couldn’t wait to be back home for this?” she finally snapped.
The kissing stopped momentarily, then it picked up again. “mm, nop,” Sonny said with a hum.
“I think you made your point Counsellor,” she groaned.
“Did I?”
“Loud and clear.”
“I don’t know, I’m not convinced detective,” he said. Three floors to go, she could do it. “I think I might have to fuck Sonny right in the middle of the precinct for you to believe I’m the mysterious fianceè.”
His words, albeit filthy, didn’t hold any heat. It was weird seeing this part of Barba, Amanda was stunned for a second. Then chuckled, glad he felt comfortable enough to act the way he did around her, even though she knew there was a very precise reason for the scene she had just witnessed. It was all for her sake, she understood. So that she'd finally leave them alone and put the investigating to rest.
The doors opened, the couple untangled themselves and Amanda smiled at them, waving goodbye. She maintained her calm until she got into her car, letting her breathing pick up and a smile widen on her face.
She had a very long message to write to Fin and Mike.