Archive of Our Own

Don't wanna be forward

Everyone always made it feel so easy

Don't wanna cross a line

And no matter how confident Mary usually felt, she still didn't have courage to tell Lily how she truly felt

But if I were to crash in this plane tonight

But now there is a war on the horizon

I'd want you to know this

Yet, Lily never knowing about Mary's feelings made her feel worse

Don't wanna say too much

Still, Mary knows that she can't just say what she feels, uncensored

Intrude on your space

How will she even go about that?

But if I were to crash and I never made it home I'd want you to know this

With the war, does it even matter?

Oh, and to tell you is too scary
So I'll just say something else

So maybe she won't say anything at all, how will she say anything

And I wish that you could hear me
When I talk to myself

It would've been so much easier if somehow she could just convey it all without saying a word

But this plane might not land safely
So, what the hell do I have to lose

Like she said with the war, does anything even matter?

If I just tell you?

So here it goes

I wanna eat pancakes for dinner

" Lily,

I wanna get stuck in your head

I have thought about it long enough,

I wanna watch a T.V. show together

And there isn't a simple way to say this,

And when we're under the weather we can watch it in bed

I wish to spend my time with you,

I wanna go out on the weekends

And i want to stay by your side,

I wanna dress up just to get undressed

And no matter how small the moment may seem, I want to cherish that with you.

I think that I should probably tell you this
In case there is an accident

With this war, i'm scared

And I never see you again

And i don't want to lose you

So please save all your questions for the end
And maybe I'll be brave enough by then

So let me say this one more time

Don't wanna say something wrong

Because I don't want to get it wrong

Don't wanna be weird

And i want to convey how i feel properly

But if you're still in love with her

But i know how you used to talk about james and if you still feel that way then

I think that I'll leave it there

I'll stop now

And I won't ever tell you this

And this message will never get across to you

Oh, 'cause to tell you is too scary

Because I've never been this scared

So I'll just say something else

And i don't want you to mess this up so maybe i won't talk about it

Like how was fall semester?

Maybe we can talk about something else then

And what was that song about?

Maybe we won't even have this conversation ever

I'll try to hide the way I feel

And i'll just conceal my feelings like i already have been

But I'll just wanna shout

But that makes me want to scream my head out

What do I have to lose right now?

So, you know what, fuck this

I wanna eat pancakes for dinner

Lily,

I wanna get stuck in your head

I want to be with you

I wanna watch a T.V. show together

I want to wake next to you

And when we're under the weather we can watch it in bed

I want to take care of you when you're sick

I wanna go out on the weekends

I want to be by your side through everything

I wanna dress up just to get undressed

I want you here, with me

I think that I should probably tell you this
In case there is an accident

And i want to be by your side through this war

And I never see you again

Because i don't want to lose you

So please save all your questions for the end
And maybe I'll be brave enough by then

And i may not have the courage to out right say it

Well, maybe I won't ever say what's in my head

But i want you to know that this is how i feel

No, I won't have to say anything

And maybe, just maybe you can say it back

You'll say it instead

Because I like you."