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Cover art by Robin_Fai
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Length: 26:06 minutes
“Yuu-riii?” A sing-song voice called, and Yuuri sank down the wall, looking longingly at the fire escape.
He was hiding from his coach. No – it was worse than that – he was hiding from Victor Nikiforov. But what was he supposed to do? His magic was spiking wildly today and there was no way he’d be able to keep it hidden around his… whatever Victor was to him.
Since the Chugoku, Shikoku, and Kyushu Figure Skating Championships their relationship had shifted from the straightforward arrangement of coach and pupil to something much harder to define. Were they friends? Was there something more between them? Yuuri for his part had idolised Victor for years, fancied him even, but there was a big difference between having a massive crush on a figure skating legend and having feelings for the very real person that was Victor.
Whatever their connection was now, it didn’t matter. Victor would see him differently when he knew what Yuuri was, and in just a few days it would be impossible to keep that from him.
To register for the Grand Prix series, all competitors were required to register their creature heritage and any magical abilities they might have. The official reasoning was that it was crucial information, much like medical factors, and would make judging ‘fairer’, but Yuuri knew from bitter experience that it wasn’t the only motivation. Everyone had some creature heritage in their DNA, but there was often mistrust when that part of the person was evident in their appearance, or they had magical abilities. Many of the officials were unbiased in their judging, but there were definitely a few that saw magical ability as an unfair advantage.
Victor was one of the few competitors in the figure skating community who was public about his creature heritage. He was part fae and proud of it. His tradition of wearing open backed costumes to show off his small, flightless wings had marked a turning point in the sport. Yuuri had seen Victor perform for the first time when he was only 12, and it had changed his life. Here was someone who not only was open about his heritage, but also embraced the little magic it had given him. Every performance Victor gave was captivating. In his jumps and spins his wings would open out. The colours, though pale like his silvery hair, were the perfect complement to the dazzling ice. He could pull at the music, plucking the meaning from its notes and lyrics, binding them with his steps to the point where Victor almost seemed to disappear, and in his place skated the physical embodiment of the story he was telling.
Over the years other competitors had either revealed their own heritage or incorporated their own magical skills in their performances, but none had ever come close to having the same impact on Yuuri.
It was different for Yuuri. He knew that his own identity was something that people feared. He had been hiding his whole life, and if he revealed who he was, what he could do, then there would be none of the praise and support that Victor had received.
Yuuri had never really thought about the difference between them in that way until he had been faced with completing his Grand Prix series documentation. His chest ached and he felt an overwhelming urge to cry again just at the thought of it. He had a sinking feeling that he had fallen for this real-life version of Victor, yet simultaneously come to resent him for how easy it had seemed for Victor to just be himself.
“Yuuuu-ri!” Victor’s voice called again, from just down the hall now.
Yuuri sighed and tried to get a grip on his magic. He had to face the music sometime. Victor rounded the corner, his face breaking into a wide, genuine smile. Yuuri’s resolve faltered. That smile… He would definitely tell Victor, just not yet.
------
Yuuri picked himself up off the ice after yet another fall. As he rubbed at his aching leg, Yuuri pushed down on the stray strands of magic that were creeping towards the ice.
“What’s wrong with you today?” Victor said, breaking Yuuri’s focus.
Another tendril of magic escaped Yuuri’s hold and soaked into the ice. He quickly cut it off before it could do much.
“Nothing. I’m fine,” Yuuri mumbled, eyes fixed on the faint, almost indiscernible pattern he had created.
Victor tilted his head, considering Yuuri. “You can do this part of the routine. Why do you keep falling today?”
“I’m just tired,” Yuuri lied.
“Hmm.” Victor frowned slightly. “Then maybe we should go back to the Onsen and complete your Grand Prix registration paperwork?”
Yuuri’s heart stuttered. “No!” he said – too quickly, too loud. He knew his fear had shown when Victor’s frown deepened. “I mean – I’d rather be practicing than doing boring paperwork. We’ve still got a week to submit it.” Yuuri forced a laugh and tried to fake a smile.
Victor didn’t look completely convinced. “You know we can’t leave that until the last minute, Yuuri,” he said, then his expression brightened. “But you’re right that it’s boring. Let’s go for a run instead!”
A run. Which meant Yuuri would run in the heat while Victor took a leisurely bike ride. Still, it was away from the ice which was causing him so many issues today so Yuuri nodded his agreement.
------
Hidden away in his room, Yuuri watched Victor’s free skate to Stammi Vicino for the hundredth time. This was the performance he had imitated, the triplets had recorded, and had brought Victor to him. He had chosen to learn it because, when he had seen him perform at the Grand Prix final, Yuuri had felt like he was seeing the real Victor for the first time rather than a part he was playing. How did it feel to be so free? Yuuri could barely remember it. He hadn’t been able to drop his guard and skate as himself since he went to Detroit.
A breeze blew in from his open window and Yuuri breathed in the cool, damp night air. He imagined the water filling up his lungs, spilling from his fingertips, dancing to the beat of his heart. Abruptly, he resolved that this wasn’t a night for fears or regrets. He packed a bag with a change of clothes, a towel, and his skates then crept out the side entrance to the Onsen.
The night air was cool and fresh with a light rain. Yuuri delighted in how it felt against his bare hands and face. There was no one out this late, so Yuuri let his magic run free for a while. Under a streetlight he made the gentle mist of droplets twist and dance, making rainbows in the artificial light. An easy smile slipped onto his face, and he felt a weight he hadn’t known he was carrying lift from his shoulders.
He let himself into the Ice Palace with the key he had been given before he left Japan to train in the US. As he deactivated the alarm system, he thought he heard the door open again, but when he turned there was no one there. Where moments before he had felt so happy, now he was hard to breathe. He so desperately wanted to let go of the glamours he used to keep himself hidden, to let himself skate the way his heart longed for, but he couldn’t risk anyone seeing him. Locking the door behind him, he kept a watchful eye on the shadows as he made his way to the ice.
At first, he simply did basic figures, letting the simple moves warm his muscles until he could move freely. Then he began to let his magic loose. That was the much harder part. Relaxing his hold on that part of him that he held so tightly in check was like trying not to hold in your stomach when you’ve been doing it instinctively for every waking moment for years.
When he finally managed to relax enough to let his glamours drop and reveal his true appearance it was bliss. Yuuri felt like he had been holding his breath, and now he was free to breathe. The water in the ice sang to him. He called to it, let it make music through the moves of his body. Later, there would be yearning to have this all the time, but for now he was just happy to live in the moment.
After a brief pause to set up his music, Yuuri started into his routine.
------
Victor watched Yuuri move across the ice with an ease and grace that he could never have even dreamed of replicating. His breath caught in his chest, and he clutched his hands over his heart as Yuuri flowed into a step sequence, the ice curling and splitting, then settling down into the most intricate forms and patterns following the path of his skates.
Only half the lights were on, casting ethereal shadows across everything. Yuuri’s skin almost shone in the low light. Were those scales across Yuuri’s cheeks and down his neck? From a distance they looked maybe dark blue, or perhaps black, but then Yuuri would spin, and a light would catch them just so, and oh! It was like Yuuri had rainbows in his skin, like he was covered in glittering little prisms of ice. Victor longed to reach out his hand and touch. How would they feel beneath his fingers?
He slowly worked his way down the steps and to the edge of the rink. Up close, Yuuri’s performance was even more mesmerising.
Victor had never seen anything so beautiful.
A small, boring, part of his mind couldn’t help but catalogue the technical side of the performance. As a free skate program, it was perfect in its expression, but it needed some refining and another quad to make a concise piece and to secure the technical points. If Yuuri did that though, he would surely beat Victor’s free skate score, and with it the world record.
When Yuuri moved into his final combination – a sit spin that pulled the ice up and around with him as he drew upright before casting it out in a shower of diamonds across the rink as he struck his final pose – Victor couldn’t help but applaud.
As abruptly as the ice had broken apart in Yuuri’s final move, the enchanting atmosphere in the Ice Palace shattered.
Yuuri screeched in shock and fell back onto the ice. In the blink of an eye the rink’s surface was smooth once more. The sculpted waves and fluid etchings that had adorned it were washed clean, and Yuuri looked completely human and utterly terrified.
“Vi- Victor?!” Yuuri gasped. “How- how did you get in here?” Yuuri cast about as if looking for some magical way into the rink. “How much…?” The unspoken question hung there between them for long moments. How much did you see? What did you see?
Victor’s chest felt tight with the guilt at having intruded on this clearly private moment, but he wouldn’t change what he had done for all the gold medals in the world. To be able to see Yuuri skate like that had been like seeing into his soul. The wild beauty of it seemed too grand to be contained by something as simple as figure skating, yet it had fitted so perfectly. Why wasn’t Yuuri performing like that in competition? Why was he hiding?
“Yuuri! That was wonderful!” Victor ignored Yuuri’s questions. “Of course you’ll need to tighten up your spins and you’ll need another quad in there to secure the technical points, and practice the magics of course.”
“Victor–” Yuuri began.
“OH! And you’ll need a new costume of course!” Victor said. His head was running wild with all the possibilities. “It’s short notice but we need to find something that works with your scales – are they scales? – Anyway we need to emphasise–”
“Victor!” Yuuri almost shouted, cutting him off.
Victor looked at Yuuri, his clenched fists, the slight tremor that ran through his body, and his tight jaw. He had assumed that Yuuri had been scared when he had applauded because he didn’t know Victor was there and it had startled him. Now, it looked more like Yuuri was truly scared of Victor for some reason. Instinctively, he reached out to reassure Yuuri. When he flinched away, it hurt somewhere deep in Victor’s chest. It felt like a rejection. Why was Yuuri always rejecting him?
“Victor, why aren’t you angry?” Yuuri said. As a single tear tracked down his cheek it reminded Victor of the way Yuuri had looked before he had hidden himself again. “Why aren’t you asking me what I am?” Yuuri demanded.
“I–” Victor began then stopped abruptly. Why wasn’t he asking? “I don’t know?” Victor shrugged helplessly. Yes, he had questions, but right at that moment all he wanted was to comfort his… friend? They had to at least be friends by now, even if Victor foolishly dreamed of them being more than that. With a racing heart he tried to force himself to be honest. “I don’t care what you are on paper. I care who you are Yuuri. And when I saw you perform, I finally knew.”
“I’m half water spirit,” Yuuri said. There was a challenge in his eyes.
Water spirit, Victor thought, makes sense, then he registered the rest of what Yuuri had said.
“Half?!” Victor said. He hadn’t meant to say it out loud.
“Half,” Yuuri said. His fear was still evident, but now so was that fighting spirit, that unexpected strength that Victor loved to see.
Victor thought of Hiroko and Toshiya. “But then…?”
“They are both my parents,” Yuuri said defensively. “Just because Dad adopted me when he married my mother doesn’t make him any less my father.”
“Of course not,” Victor tried to reassure him. He knew very well that it wasn’t always the people you were tied to by blood that were your real family.
“Why aren’t you angry?” Yuuri asked again. “Why aren’t you scared of me?”
“Should I be scared of you?” Victor said.
“What?” Yuuri looked confused by the question.
“You’ve given me no reason to think you’re dangerous. And no creature is innately bad. They’re just as variable in nature as any other being.”
“We’re surrounded by ice. I could drown you right now,” Yuuri said, and there was no doubt that was the truth given the strength of magic Victor had seen.
“But you won’t,” Victor said.
“You can’t know that.”
“Yuuri, when I saw you perform, do you know what I thought?” Victor said.
Yuuri moved as if to say ‘yes’, paused, then shook his head. “No.”
“I thought you were beautiful.” Victor said. Yuuri gasped, his hands finally relaxing from the fists they had been clenched into. Victor studied the small line of crescent moons that marked Yuuri’s palms as he continued to speak, unable to meet Yuuri’s eyes. “I thought ‘this man could beat my world record.’ I thought everything you did was wonderful. Your skating, your performance, you – I thought all of it was beautiful. I thought ‘this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life skating with.’”
“When I first saw you skate, I wanted to skate like that too,” Yuuri replied. “I wanted to skate the way only I can. But that’s not possible for someone like me.”
“It should be,” Victor said.
The smile that pulled at Yuuri’s lips was amused, but not happy. “You don’t get to decide what society thinks, Victor.”
“How could anyone ever see you and feel fear? You should show them. You shouldn’t have to hide.”
“It’s not that simple,” Yuuri said, and though Victor knew it was true he was determined to change that.
There was a long silence. Victor turned away from Yuuri then and picked up the bag he had brought with him. He focussed on the comfortable routine of pulling on his skates, tying the laces, stretching out his muscles. Yuuri made a sound of confusion but didn’t ask what he was doing. Once he was ready Victor shrugged off his jacket, revealing his wings, and skated out onto the ice, stopping only when he was directly in front of Yuuri.
“Skate with me?” Victor held out his hand to Yuuri. He tried not to let it show how it would hurt him if Yuuri rejected him again now, but to his surprise and joy Yuuri placed a hesitant hand in his.
They moved into the patterns of the routine they had shared.
It was familiar and new all at once. It felt… complete. Somehow, despite never having truly met one another, Victor and Yuuri had created two halves of one routine.
Victor didn’t know what would happen now, whether Yuuri would ever feel free to perform as himself, but he did know that he never wanted to leave Yuuri’s side.
As they skated, their magics combined and blended until the small rink was filled with music that only they could hear.
Stammi Vicino – Stay Close to Me.