sirius ∙ cryhavoc
and thus
the last of the four marauders entered the chat
the prophecy is fulfilled

wormtail
What’s this about a prophecy??

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
let me consult the oracle

crescentmoons
Christ, Peter, don’t encourage him.

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
i’ll ask the spirit of delphi, shall i?
we’ll call upon the high priestess pythia

james ∙ goldenantlers
someone’s high, all right, but it’s not a priestess

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
and see what she can tell us

james ∙ goldenantlers
i hope she tells @cryhavoc to stop

crescentmoons
No such luck.

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
ah, yes
it has been foretold that when four marauders enter the chat, a wondrous transformation will take place

wormtail
You know what?
Forget I asked. (edited)

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
transforming one of the four into the most majestic — and, most importantly, hung — individual that the others had ever seen

wormtail
Which one of us??

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
dunno, peter
guess we’ll have to exchange pics and find out

crescentmoons
You made us join a Discord server for this?

wormtail
Almost makes me nostalgic for the old days.

james ∙ goldenantlers
what old days were these, wormy?

wormtail
Dick pics in the privacy of a four-person group chat.
None of this Discord rubbish.

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
rubbish?
i’m offended

james ∙ goldenantlers
ye olde nudes

crescentmoons
Penis by post.
Cocks by carrier pigeon.

james ∙ goldenantlers
nah, try an owl
much sexier

crescentmoons
Boners by barn owl?
Strap-ons by snowy owl?

james ∙ goldenantlers
hot

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
yes, because that’s what i’m looking for in a bird
sex appeal

wormtail
You don’t like birds, anyway, @cryhavoc.
Get it?!??

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
was that a gay joke?

wormtail
It WAS!!

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
our little peter
all grown up and making queer jokes with the crew
we’ve been rubbing off on him

james ∙ goldenantlers
not literally

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
well, no, not literally
hmm
have we been bad friends for that?
peter, do you feel left out?

wormtail
I think I’ll survive, thanks.

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
u sure?
we can rub one out for you
better safe than sorry

crescentmoons
Very considerate, Sirius.

james ∙ goldenantlers
anyone else put off by the fact that sirius just typed out the words
better safe than sorry??????
what is the world coming to

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
you’re right
better sorry than safe
that’s my real motto

crescentmoons
Is it?
I thought your motto was “die young and leave a sexy corpse.”

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
that’s my slogan

wormtail
Oh.
What’s the difference?

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
no idea

crescentmoons
Well, now that the gang’s all here, are you going to explain why you dragged us all into this server, @cryhavoc?

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
yes, well
it has come to my attention that we are all a bit
what’s the word

james ∙ goldenantlers
gay?

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
codependent

crescentmoons
Us?
Never.

wormtail
Yeah, it’s COMPLETELY normal to spend all your waking moments with your best friends.

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
wanking moments, did u say?

james ∙ goldenantlers
and develop secret codes and nicknames

crescentmoons
And eat “family dinners” together twice a week.

james ∙ goldenantlers
^
not sure how i would’ve survived uni thus far without peter’s cooking

wormtail
Thanks, guys!
Speaking of, I have a new recipe to whip out this weekend!!
Ginger-bourbon peach pie. (edited)

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
whip it out, wormy old boy

crescentmoons
@wormtail, you’ve outdone yourself.
Ginger and bourbon and peaches? That sounds like a delicious combination.

wormtail
I tested it out this afternoon.
It’s pretty good.
You can have some of the test batch tonight, Moony, if you’d like to drop by.
I’ve got a paper to edit, so I’ll be up late.

james ∙ goldenantlers
got space for one more?

wormtail
Always.

crescentmoons
Wish I could join, but I’ve got to get up early for class tomorrow.

james ∙ goldenantlers
never fear, moony
i’ll eat your share too
and report back with my findings
minute-by-minute updates
so you don’t feel left out

crescentmoons
How very selfless of you.

james ∙ goldenantlers
what can i say
i make sacrifices for my friends

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
i’ll amend my previous statement
codependent and gay

james ∙ goldenantlers
mmm
delicious combination

crescentmoons
So you want us to…
Make new friends?

wormtail
In THIS server???
Looks empty, doesn’t it?
Not a mod in sight.

james ∙ goldenantlers
no fucking way
more friends = more people who get to share the spoils of peter’s baking adventures
i’m not taking that chance

crescentmoons
Fair point.

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
yeah
but
what’s gonna happen if all of us die, huh?

crescentmoons
Charming hypothetical, Sirius.

james ∙ goldenantlers
in that case
we would all be dead
i doubt friendship will be the foremost thing on our minds

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
but who’s gonna speak at our funeral?

wormtail
I’m with James on this one.
We’ll be dead; who cares?? (edited)

crescentmoons
I’m sorry, “funeral,” singular???
I’m sharing a grave with none of you.

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
aw but moony
think how romantic
your body and mine
a joint grave
naked and pressed together for all eternity

crescentmoons
Who the fuck gets buried naked?

james ∙ goldenantlers
sirius would
open casket, too
look down upon his nipple piercings and weep for sweet departed youth

HaikuBot
look down upon his
nipple piercings and weep for
sweet departed youth
- james ∙ goldenantlers

crescentmoons
Finally, poetry for the people.
Who needs e. e. cummings when we have HaikuBot?

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
speaking of cummings…

crescentmoons
No, Sirius.

wormtail
Do you really have your nipples pierced, Sirius??
I feel like that would hurt.

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
peter
if u wanna see my nips
just ask

james ∙ goldenantlers
down, boy

wormtail
Forget I said anything.

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
the point is
we need to expand our horizons

crescentmoons
My horizons are fine, thanks.

wormtail
And your solution to our so-called problem is…
Joining a server where we only speak to one another MORE??

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
hmm
i’m seeing the problem here

wormtail
Also, why am I here?
This is a student server.
I’m not even in your department.

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
where we go, you go, peter

james ∙ goldenantlers
our perfect peter, forever in our hearts

crescentmoons
Yeah, you’re getting a literature degree by proxy.

wormtail
Not really helping with the codependent angle, you three.
But I’m honoured nonetheless. (edited)

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
never fear
we will succeed on our friendship quest or die trying

wormtail
Ominous.
But sweet!!

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
that’s what i’m aiming for

crescentmoons
Maybe the oracle can help us out with this “friendship quest.”
Ready to dream up a few more prophecies for us, @cryhavoc?

james ∙ goldenantlers
oh, you’re in his dreams, all right. no oracles there though (no clothes, either)

HaikuBot
oh, you’re in his dreams,
all right. no oracles there
though (no clothes, either)
- james ∙ goldenantlers

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
shut up, james

crescentmoons
Yeah, shut up, James.
Anyway, it’s not nearly as funny when we can all watch you typing for ages, counting out the syllables.

james ∙ goldenantlers
i’ve done no such thing

wormtail
I never remember my dreams.

crescentmoons
Untroubled sleep?
You lucky bastard.

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
peter sleeps the innocent sleep
that knits up the ravelled sleave of care, the death of each day’s life

wormtail
How’s that?

crescentmoons
Ignore him.
He’s going through a poetic phase.

james ∙ goldenantlers
it’s shakespeare, i think
he’s been on a macbeth kick lately, the pompous git

wormtail
What’s a sleave?

james ∙ goldenantlers
old-timey word for sleeve, isn’t it?

crescentmoons
No, it’s something to do with threads, I thought.

wormtail
But what did the sleep thing mean??

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
tum consanguineus leti sopor

wormtail
Huh???

james ∙ goldenantlers
ugh, sirius
not again

crescentmoons
I don’t mind the Shakespeare so much, but the Latin is a bit much.

james ∙ goldenantlers
let’s assume that we all understood his point and move on, shall we?

crescentmoons
You forget, Sirius, that not all of us grew up with Latin tutors.

james ∙ goldenantlers
yeah, give us a warning next time
my one semester of elementary latin is not exactly helpful here
and i don’t have my lewis & short handy

wormtail
Again I say:
Huh???
What’s this about a handy???

crescentmoons
Lewis & Short = Latin dictionary.

james ∙ goldenantlers
not the fun kind of handy, i’m afraid

wormtail
But what does the Latin MEAN?!?? (edited)

SwoonToDeath
Then sleep, that blood relative of death.
It’s a passage from the Aeneid.

wormtail
Oh!!!

crescentmoons
And another Latin student enters the chat.

james ∙ goldenantlers
i almost forgot that other people were in this server
welcome, mysterious stranger

wormtail
I still don’t understand what that means!!!

SwoonToDeath
I can’t remember the exact context of the words, but it’s something about sleep dwelling within the jaws of hell.

james ∙ goldenantlers
hot

SwoonToDeath
Yeah.
You know, just a little light and happy quote to brighten up your day.

crescentmoons
Sirius has competition now for the coveted position of “Latin translator-in-chief.”

SwoonToDeath
Nah.
I don’t pretend to be an expert.
I haven’t read Vergil in years.

james ∙ goldenantlers
did you also have a latin tutor growing up, @SwoonToDeath?
or are you just better than the rest of us?

SwoonToDeath
The former.
Certainly not the latter.
I know you were joking, but funnily enough, I did have a Latin tutor for a long time.
Ages ago, though.

wormtail
I can’t believe you still remember it!

SwoonToDeath
I don’t remember much else from my childhood, though.

crescentmoons
Not a very nice one?

SwoonToDeath
You could say that.
But the Latin stuck.

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
join the fucking club
all i got from growing up was a bit of latin vocab and a lifetime supply of psychiatrist’s bills
funny we’ve got that in common, isn’t it?

SwoonToDeath
Is it?
Anyway, a good memory is more of a curse than a blessing, don’t you think?
Much better to be enshaded in forgetfulness divine, to misquote Keats.

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
ooooo
james
a fellow keats enthusiast

wormtail
I think James just fell in love.

james ∙ goldenantlers
shut up

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
if u only knew how many times i had to hear him whinging
oh, sirius, woe is me
i’m a [strikethrough] horny lonely literature student and my life is so hard
where are all the handsome boys who like poetry???

james ∙ goldenantlers
don’t be dramatic

wormtail
Nice to meet you, @SwoonToDeath .
Always nice to find another Latin student to help keep @cryhavoc in check.
What did you think of his translation, Sirius?

james ∙ goldenantlers
do you judge him adequate?

crescentmoons
And be nice.

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
fuck you
i’m always nice

SwoonToDeath
Sirius is never nice.

wormtail
You know each other???

SwoonToDeath
At least, he’s never been nice to me.

james ∙ goldenantlers
what do you
oh, fuck

crescentmoons
Christ, we’ve been oblivious.

wormtail
The childhood Latin tutor should’ve been a dead giveaway, shouldn’t it??

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
idk
i don’t like blood relative as a translation for consanguineus

SwoonToDeath
Interesting.
Would you prefer kindred?

james ∙ goldenantlers
uh, sirius?

crescentmoons
Shit.

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
nah
i still think that overcomplicates matters
consanguineus should be more like
idk

SwoonToDeath
Brother?

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
yeah
sleep, the brother of death
sounds better, doesn’t it?

crescentmoons
Sirius…

wormtail
Sirius!!!!!

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
what?

crescentmoons
Speaking of brothers…

Regulus ∙ SwoonToDeath
Hi, Sirius.

sirius ∙ cryhavoc
oh
oh, fuck