Archive of Our Own

Allie scoffed at Buck when he asked if she wanted to date him due to some misplaced attachment from saving her in the earthquake. She laughed and made a joke. But it happened. It was something Chim, Bobby, and Hen had all warned him about when he first started working for the department. Buck 1.0 had collected the numbers even though he knew they were a bad idea because he’d been so desperately lonely that he didn’t care that each touch, each kiss, each filthy glance was just a fleeting spark of connection. 

But that had been Buck 1.0. 

Buck 3… Buck had promised Eddie he would try to stop count of the system updates he went through… But that was beside the point. New Buck was more than used to his fair share of ogling. 

It certainly wasn’t the first time Buck had been ogled at like he was a piece of meat at a scene and it wouldn’t be the last. 

In some ways, Buck got it. He didn’t mind. The adrenaline was pumping and there was something about the white knight of it all that Buck 1.0 had basked in like a cat in a sunbeam. People found bravery and competence attractive and they needed both to do their jobs well. They were traits that tickled the animal brain based in all of them that said safety, protection, provider. But that all faded away once the fight or flight settled down and you were left with a less survival driven attraction. Again, Buck got it. It was human nature and not for nothing, but Buck knew he was good looking. He didn’t always feel like it but on the outside he knew he had his mother’s baby blues and his dad’s jawline and the curls he inherited from both that Maddie was always jealous of. 

Plus, there were the suspenders. Buck knew all about the suspenders. The suspenders were something that scientists couldn’t explain. They shouldn’t be attractive. Not with the neon reflective material that clipped down to bunker pants that did nothing to accentuate anyone’s waist. 

But that didn’t explain why Eddie Diaz ended up looking like a runway model that Buck wanted to ravish with his tongue or possibly worship at his feet when he wore them. Both. Both would be fine. 

His crush on his best friend wasn’t new by any means. 

Buck was pretty sure that had Eddie asked, Buck would’ve dropped to his knees and sucked him off that first day when just the mere sight of Eddie had made Buck so annoyed, he felt it in his teeth. Then Buck went and found out that Eddie was actually an incredible person with a laugh that made his heart skip a beat and he was supposed to be normal about it? 

So, yes. The crush wasn’t new. But there was something about therapized Eddie that was making Buck’s carefully contained feelings threaten to explode out of his chest where he’d been doing a pretty damn good job of keeping them for the last four years. Seeing Eddie regaining his confidence and being privy to the soft gentle way he would smile to himself when he realized how comfortable in his own skin he was, had been downright detrimental to Buck’s resolve. 

So, no it wasn’t the first time Buck had been ogled at by someone at a scene and Buck got it because he found himself ogling from time to time. 

But this time had been different. 

All in all, the accident scene looked a lot worse than it was. Minor cuts and bruises were the primary source of injuries with the scent of hot pavement, coolant, and smoke from the airbags lingering in the air. Traffic in LA was a killer almost twenty four seven, but it took on a particular brand of brutal around four o’clock. One fender bender against a car that managed to skate into another lane and left a truck wheeling to get out of the way, only to side swipe an Uber led to a pile up on the freeway and a lot of angry people trying not to let their frustration send them over the edge. 

The tension wasn’t helped either with an open side Jeep hanging over the median, one strong gust of wind from tipping over into the cleared out section of freeway below. 

Eddie flexed his jaw as he tugged on Buck’s harness to make sure he was secure before holding his wrist up to bump against Buck’s. 

“Buck’s good!” Eddie called out to Bobby just as Chimney confirmed the same for the Jeep. 

Bobby gave them a clipped nod before he turned back to the two passengers. “Okay. Here’s how this is going to go. My guy is going to come around and secure you, Keaton. Do not help him and do exactly as he says, alright?”

Keaton, the driver, who had a death grip on the frame and a white knuckled hand wrapped around the wrist of his passenger, nodded without opening his eyes. 

“While that’s happening, Ravi is going to come to secure you, Adam.”

Adam stuttered out a pained breath. “Okay.”

“Do not move. Let my guys do all the work.” Bobby finished and Buck felt the movement of his line as Eddie followed him to the edge of the overpass. 

Rappelling over the slim edge was always as much of a rush as it was terrifying but Buck was used to it. The wind was sharp, even if it was warm, and his muscles tensed up as he fought against the gust to maintain control of his climb. The concrete was solid under his hands and his line was a steady tug of tension around his hips as he moved around the Jeep. With the vehicle secure, Buck had a little extra time but not by much. As soon as the passengers were pulled, the weight would shift the equilibrium and could send the Jeep careening the rest of the way over the edge. 

Buck sucked in a breath between his teeth as he spied the shredded siding. Keaton was lucky he wasn’t hit. Buck had suggested to Maddie taking off the doors to her old Jeep once when he’d been learning to drive and she’d sent him pictures of road rash and accident victims from her nursing textbooks. Graphic, intense pictures that scarred Buck for life and had him buying all the protective gear when he got his motorcycle even though everyone had made fun of him for it. 

“Keaton,” Buck said as he tested his grip on the bent frame before bracing his footing. “My name’s Buck. I’m going to get you out of here, okay.”

Keaton grunted but kept his eyes closed. 

Buck waited until Ravi made his own introductions to Adam before he leaned in. He made sure not to put any real weight onto the Jeep, keeping it only as a guiding point as he put his balance in his legs and his core. 

“Keaton,” Buck said as he unclipped the extra harness from his own. “You’re going to feel me touching behind you but don’t try to help me.” 

Keaton grunted again with a small jerk of his chin and Buck bent down at his waist to thread the harness through the space between Keaton’s back and the seat. Ravi did the same, letting out a stream of reassurances to his more receptive victim, and Buck pushed up on his legs to reach over and grab the other end of the harness. 

“Alright, I’m just going to—”

The sharp inhale was followed by the thin cry from Adam and had Buck freezing in his place as he looked up. Ravi’s hands were hovering over Adam’s torso, stilling the same way Buck had when the sound alerted them to some source of pain. Buck did a quick scan and frowned when he didn’t find any blood or bruises apart from the superficial cut on his cheek from the window shield. But then Ravi’s eyes widened as he looked up and Buck turned his head to follow his gaze. 

Keaton’s fist was wrapped around Adam’s wrist still but the tightness of his grip was making Adam’s fingers twitch in pain. His skin was turning a dark red from the loss of circulation and every feeble tug had Adam’s forearm flexing to get free. 

Ravi went back to trying to secure Adam, seeing the same problem Buck had. Buck tapped Keaton’s knee

“Hey,” Buck said. Keaton was the one facing a free fall but with the way he was holding him, he would take Adam down with him. It sucked but they needed to migrate casualties if they could. “Keaton. You’ve got to let go of his wrist, man.” 

Ravi made fast work of snapping the buckles and clips of Adam’s harness and sent Buck a nod when he was finished. 

Keaton didn’t open his eyes. He didn’t let go of Adam either. 

The Jeep groaned and rattled a little before settling again. Buck could hear Bobby in the background, calling out orders with Eddie giving Buck a warning shout, but Buck blocked them all out and pulled himself up so he could meet Keaton’s eyes. 

Buck squeezed his knee. 

“Keaton,” Buck said again, lowering his voice so it was something calm for Keaton to latch onto in the storm of the panic Buck was sure he was lost in. “Look at me.”

For a moment, Buck didn’t think he would. He could see every one of his long dark eyelashes against the pale color of his skin. But then Keaton sucked in a breath and opened his eyes. 

All the breath fell out of Keaton in a heady exhale that washed over Buck’s skin like the humid trepidation before a storm. He stared at Buck, his eyes widening, as the exhale ended with a shaky but low, “Wow.”

The admiration was linked with shock and Buck was too busy trying to make sure Keaton didn’t fall to his death and take Adam and Ravi with him to be truly flattered. 

“Go ahead and let go of Adam for me, buddy,” Buck said. 

Keaton let go of Adam instantly and Buck spied Adam making an aborted move to Ravi before Ravi had him hold still. 

“I’m going to get you out of here, okay?” Buck asked and Keaton rolled his lips as he nodded. 

“Buck,” Bobby’s voice on the radio broke through. “Let’s hustle it up.” 

“Copy Cap.” Buck called out rather than keying in his radio. He didn’t look away from Keaton and took a deep, deliberate breath that Keaton copied. “Almost done.”

Buck ducked down again and finished feeding the harness around Keaton’s waist. Ravi had Adam’s full attention and the buckles and clips were easy enough that Buck could do them with his eyes closed. 

“I’m just going to get—”

“Sir! Do not grab him!” 

Buck startled at the sound of Eddie’s voice and glanced up to see Keaton’s hand hovering in midair above him. Keaton’s lips twitched but his eyes remained firmly focused on Buck in his lap. 

A chill crawled up Buck’s spine but he muscled it down as Keaton flexed his hand into a fist. 

“Keaton!” That was Bobby. “Just wait until he tells you. Don’t try to help Buck.”

“Don’t try to help me.” Buck repeated past the knot in his throat. “I don’t want the shift in weight to send your Jeep careening onto the freeway. She’s a beauty. What year is this? A 2019?” 

Buck tried for levity as he clipped Keaton in but Keaton was just staring down at Buck with an indescribable expression. 

It was just the fear. Fear made strange things of people who were perfectly normal in any other given circumstances. But the logic of that explanation didn’t help the twist in Buck’s stomach. Keaton wasn’t just watching him. He was studying him, transfixed by Buck’s every move, and he couldn’t help but grimace at the way it almost made Buck feel small; like prey. 

When Buck was done, he gave Ravi the vocal confirmation who radioed to Bobby. 

“I’ve got you clipped to me,” Buck said as he ducked under Keaton’s arm. “You’re not going anywhere.”

“I know.” Keaton’s voice after nothing but heavy tense silence and inaudible grunts, was surprising. There was a drawl that curled at the bottom of the sound and a huskiness that made his voice deep like barreled whiskey. Buck’s eyes widened because for a second, Keaton’s mouth twitched into a flickering smirk. “You were very thorough.”

The flirtation seeped in between Buck’s ribs and soaked into his skin until he was sure a pink flush was crawling up. If it weren’t for the fact that they were dangling over a very precarious edge, Buck would’ve even pointed it out. He was doubtful his boyfriend in the passenger seat would appreciate him flirting while they were still right there. But then the car groaned again and Eddie’s voice cut through the radio like a slap against the face. 

“Get out of there, Buck.”

Buck shouted that he copied and flicked on a polite smile. At least Keaton’s smirk had disappeared into his fear again and Buck was able to file away the smallness back behind the confidence of his professionalism. 

“Go ahead and put your arms around me. We’re going to drop a little but don’t worry. My partner’s got us.”

The thought of Eddie had Buck’s politeness brighten into a genuine smile. Keaton curled his arms around Buck’s shoulders and Jesus— his biceps were massive. Even in his bulking stage, Buck didn’t think he’d ever had shoulders that big. One simple squeeze and Keaton could’ve popped Buck’s head clear off his neck. 

“Alright,” Buck said as he tapped Keaton’s thigh. “Go ahead and turn slowly— Slowly!”

The Jeep groaned again and Keaton’s grip on his shoulders tightened as Adam started to cry. Buck slid a hand down to his ribs and helped ease him so he was straddling Buck. 

“Wrap your legs around me. Like a koala.” 

“Normally, I’d insist on buying you dinner first.” Keaton quipped but his voice was thin and breathy. 

Buck ignored the flirt. People did weird things when they were scared. 

Keaton’s legs hooked around Buck’s hips and Buck braced himself to push away. 

“Ready!” Buck called out and Ravi repeated it back. 

“Alright boys,” Bobby said. “On my count. Three… two… one!” 

As predicted, Buck and Keaton dropped and Keaton squeezed Buck so tight that the air in his lungs whistled past his lips. But then their harnesses went taut as Eddie caught them and before Buck could even blink, the winch whirled to life as it started to pull them up back onto solid ground. Eddie met them before their heads even passed the edge and pulled Keaton up and then Buck. 

Hen and Chimney swept Keaton away the moment he was unclipped from the harness, leaving Eddie and Buck to clean up. 

“You good?” Eddie asked, his attempts at nonchalance lost when he kept running his hands over Buck to look for an injury. 

Eddie may be the walking definition of broody but he clucked like a mother hen without hesitation and Buck wasn’t about to be the one to stop him. Especially if it made Eddie feel better. 

Also because Buck liked it too. Probably too much for someone who was just the best friend. 

But Buck could only handle so much fussing and he gave Eddie the time it took him to unclip his helmet before he gently grabbed his wrist and squeezed. 

“I’m good.” Buck grinned at him. “You worry too much. Your hair is going gray.”

Eddie sputtered at him in horror. “Don’t even joke.”

“No? Then what’s this—” Buck reached up to tug on an imaginary lock of gray hair but Eddie jumped out of reach with a swat of the back of his hand to Buck’s stomach. 

Buck feigned being winded and Eddie snorted as he shook his head, a quiet laugh leaving in a tiny huff from his lips that Buck wanted to drink up into his lungs. 

Yeah. Buck had been a goner for Eddie for a while. 

Eddie spied something over Buck’s shoulder and the laughter in Eddie’s expression went stiff and hollow. 

Eddie sniffed and pulled it all back into a carefully constructed mask of polite professional like Buck had. 

“Looks like you’ve got an admirer,” Eddie said with a jerk of his chin. 

Buck followed his gaze and bit down on his cheek to keep from frowning when he spotted Keaton watching him from the bumper of the ambulance. 

He’d been hoping with all the bustle of attention from Chimney and Hen that he would’ve forgotten about Buck. But then he caught Buck looking and smirked; the trappings of someone who was used to being a flame and expecting the moths to come to him. Buck had met a few of those in his life. Usually under the haze of beer and too loud music. 

Buck shook his head and looked back at Eddie but if possible, Eddie had shut down even more until all that was left was Firefighter Diaz. 

They all did it. But Eddie more so now that he was back. Buck guessed getting shot from behind didn’t really help the uncomfortable prickling on your skin of being watched. 

“Hey,” Buck said with a bump to his shoulder. 

Eddie looked up at him and Buck knew he was just caught up in the wishful thinking that he always was when Eddie stared at him with those big coffee brown hazel eyes. But something softened in his gaze and Buck didn’t quite know what to do with the knowledge that it was him that could bring that softness out. 

“Thanks for that catch. With him trying to grab onto me, I mean. He’d been holding onto the passenger for dear life.”

Eddie went tight lipped as he nodded. “I got your back, remember.”

And it was a promise that knocked the wind right out of Buck’s sails. 

He really needed to get it together. 

“Yeah,” Buck said. “And I’ve got yours.”

Eddie ducked his head and busied himself with coiling the ropes back into some semblance of control. Buck checked again and shifted when he saw that Keaton was still staring. 

Buck sighed. He was going to have to go talk to him. He knew that look. The one that said, “I was just rescued by the love of my life.” Except it was said under the haziness of an adrenaline come down and would shift the moment the rescued part registered into the brain.

“Buck,” Chimney keyed into the radio. “Someone would like to thank you.”

Buck didn’t roll his eyes. He didn’t. But it was a close thing that made Eddie chuckle low under his breath at him. 

“Let me just…” Buck trailed off and Eddie nodded.

“Go. I got this.”

Buck used the time it took him to cross the space between them to shove down the fluttering feelings in his stomach that always seemed to break free when he was within breathing distance of Eddie. Chimney was bandaging Keaton’s arm and Keaton’s smirk shifted into something of a sheepish smile when he saw Buck getting closer, perking up in his seat. He leaned around Chimney to watch him and Buck tried not to let his face reflect the way his gut clenched at the flicker of hope in his eyes. Deep, dark eyes that did an obvious rake of Buck’s body. 

“Look who it is,” Keaton said when Buck came up to them. 

“Hey,” Buck said and jerked his chin back at Chimney in acknowledgment. “How’s it going?”

“Other than a few cuts and bruises,” Chimney said as he marked down Keaton’s treatment on his tablet. “Mr. Jacobs is one lucky guy. Though, I’d still prefer you go to the hospital just to get checked out in case you hit your head.”

“I’m okay,” Keaton said but his eyes never left Buck. “My head couldn’t be clearer.”

Chimney made an exaggerated glance between Buck and then Keaton before sliding back to Buck and Buck could see him physically restrain himself from cracking a joke. But that probably had to do with the fact that a few sarcastic quips last month had resulted in a victim proposing to Hen on the spot that led to a company wide policy of deflect deflect deflect , than necessarily Chimney’s generosity towards Buck’s dignity. 

“Well, I just wanted to check in,” Buck said before Chimney could change his mind. Keaton’s mouth twitched upward. “I’m glad you’re okay though. I should get back to—”

Strong fingers curled around his wrist and jerked Buck to a stop with a gentle tug. 

“Let me thank you? Tonight? Let me take you out.”

“Uh…” Buck tried to free his wrist with a slight pull but Keaton’s hand squeezed a tighter grip that held Buck captive. And while he was gentle, the smallness of Buck’s wrists in his hand lit up those senses that Buck had muscled back earlier. Buck shook his head. “Sorry. I’m on shift.” 

Keaton didn’t even blink. “So after then.”

Buck shook his head and scanned the crowd until he spotted Hen calmly talking to the passenger where he was curled up on a gurney. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. Plus, I’m sure your friend could use some—”

“Adam?” Keaton blinked at him like he’d genuinely forgotten that he’d been dangling from a fifty foot drop with the guy. He shrugged. “He’s just a fuck buddy.”

Even Chimney winced at that but he had the option of hiding it at the back of Keaton’s head. Buck, on the other hand, was still trying to free his hand and muscled his expression into something neutral. 

“I’m much more interested in you,” Keaton said and he tugged again, making Buck stumble closer. His thumb swept a rough path across the inside of Buck’s wrist. “So, what do you say? Let me show you a good time.” 

Not after the way he threw Adam away like he was nothing. The glimpse beneath the charm was enough to steel Buck’s resolve because not only was it a dick move but he’d been there in Adam’s position before. Buck had been the “fuck buddy” that didn’t mean anything and could just as easily be forgotten as they were drawn in. 

Something in Buck’s chest got hot with hurt at the memories of those feelings and he tugged his hand free with a yank that was more like a polite wrench. 

“No thanks.” 

Keaton reached for Buck again when he stepped out of reach. “Come on. You and me could—”

Buck caught Chimney moving to intervene between them but the words were already falling past Buck’s lips before he even realized he was speaking. 

“I have a boyfriend.”

Buck stopped when he registered the words.  

So, did Chimney before he shot Buck a look over his shoulder like Buck had grown a second head. Probably because, like Buck, Chimney knew that Buck did not have a boyfriend. In fact, he’d been single for a painfully long time since he and Taylor split up. Single and probably very obviously hung up on his best friend who didn’t seem to notice the way Buck would throw himself into oncoming traffic if Eddie asked.  

Not the Buck would ever admit any of that out loud. 

Except, once again, Keaton didn’t so much as blink. 

“Ditch him.” 

And it was probably kind of ridiculous that Buck was getting angry for an imaginary boyfriend he did not have but he was. It built up in his chest with a spark and spread into his skin until he was sure he was flushing all over again. 

“No.” Buck forced himself to say with an even breath. “I appreciate it but I’m good.”

“I could change your mind.” Keaton insisted, unfazed with his drawl heavy in his voice as he smirked up at him. He splayed open his legs and Buck tensed. “Show you—”

“Hey Buck! Can you give me a hand?” Eddie called and Buck would’ve kissed him if that wouldn’t have ruined his entire appearance of authority over his feelings that he was pointedly not letting fly free with his imaginary boyfriend that maybe was Eddie shaped in his mind. 

Buck hooked a thumb over his shoulder. “That’s him! Got to go but I’m glad you’re alright. Bye!”

Buck didn’t quite run away but it was only through sheer will alone that he didn’t shudder as that prey feeling from before crept up on the back of his neck as he turned away. 

If Keaton made to follow, Chimney stopped him, and Buck would have to thank him later. 

Eddie quirked a brow at him with a bemused twist to his lips. “Everything okay?”

“Uh yeah?” Buck knew it was a question rather than an answer but he couldn’t help himself. His interaction with Keaton had thrown him off. His skin was still crawling and the ground beneath his feet didn’t feel quite as solid as it should. But he was getting better the closer he got to Eddie. “Just… if anyone asks, we’re dating.”

Eddie didn’t even blink. In fact, Eddie’s entire expression didn’t so much as flush. 

“Okay,” Eddie said simply before he slowly cast another glance over Buck’s shoulder only to drag his gaze back to Buck and smiled something small and soft. 

Buck, unlike Eddie, was sure that his cheeks were turning a nice pink that had nothing do with being embarrassed and everything to do with the sun. The sun was bright. Bright and hot and Buck… Buck was pale! 

That was all! 

If Eddie noticed, he didn’t say anything. He turned back to the work and redirected Buck’s attention away from the creep that was checking him out even as they filed into the truck a couple minutes later and drove away. 

“Seriously?” Hen’s eyebrows disappeared behind her glasses as she knitted them together in disgust. “He couldn’t have waited till the boyfriend he almost died with was in the ambulance?” 

“Not a boyfriend.” Chimney held up one single finger in the air. “A fuck buddy. Something of which he made sure to tell Buckaroo here.”

Buck knew it was only a matter of time. The only reason Chimney hadn’t cracked earlier had been because they had responded to three more car accidents on their way back before Bobby had to tell dispatch they were running low on supplies. 

By the third one, Buck stopped tensing every time someone so much as looked his way. 

He rolled his eyes skyward at the teasing and dropped his head to rest on the back of the couch. 

At least Chimney hadn’t said anything about the boyfriend comment. 

“He was a creep,” Eddie said as he passed by, smiling down at Buck with that quiet small smile of his that Buck couldn’t help but return. 

But then strong fingers twisted in his curls and gave a small yank that made Buck squawk in protest. Eddie snickered as he moved out of the way of Buck’s swat before he circled the couch and dropped onto it with a sigh. 

Hen shook her head. “I hate to say it but at this point, you’d think you’d be used to it by now. You always end up with the crazies.” 

Chimney popped his gum as he tipped his head. 

“Remember that chick in the parking lot of the mall?” Chimney didn’t even give Buck a chance to reply before he turned to Eddie. “Thought she saw a mountain lion and then climbed up one of those light poles to get away. Except she got stuck so Buck here had to climb up and help her down.”

Oh God. 

Buck groaned as he shifted his hand up into his hair and toyed with the spot where Eddie had tugged on his curls. It had been fleeting, barely even a second, but he could swear he still felt Eddie’s finger like a hot brand all the same. 

“Do we really—”

“Then after Buck rescued her, we didn’t hear anything from her for like a month until one day Bobby got a phone call from the chief demanding to know why he had this woman calling his line personally to insist Buck get leave to get married.”

Eddie’s eyebrows shot up into his hairline as he glanced between all of them before landing on Buck. Buck, who was still trying to fight back the temptation to lean across the space and tug on Eddie’s hair in retaliation because he was an adult who was mature , just nodded. 

“I was still a probie.” Buck grimaced. “Bobby thought the others were hazing me.”

“We would never!” Chimney gasped, feigning hurt like he hadn’t been the one to trick Buck into thinking the probie got up before dawn to make breakfast for the whole station. Bobby looked like he’d been about to weep when he saw Buck had scorched one of his skillets beyond saving. 

“So, she thought… what? That you’d just meet her at the courthouse?” 

“Oh no!” Hen shook her head. “She planned a whole wedding.”

“Sent out invitations too.” Bobby added as he brought over the plate of snacks for them to share.

Chimney moved out of the other armchair for Bobby and dropped onto the couch between Buck and Eddie.

“Then there was that one guy in downtown on that intersection that thought Buck was an angel and had a news crew outside the station waiting to see his wings.” Hen added. 

“Ah!” Chimney waved his finger again. “I believe the word he used was cherub.”

Before Buck could stop him, Chimney was pinching his cheeks and Buck was jabbing him in the ribs to get off. 

“Then there was—” 

“Okay! We get it.” Buck said, raising his voice over whatever other embarrassing story Hen and Chim had to tell. 

It wasn’t like Buck thought Eddie would care but it… well. Maybe he did? If only a little. Crushes made things complicated and Eddie hadn’t so much as blinked before he’d swooped in to save Buck from just another jerk on a list of people who didn’t see Buck as a person. Draw up enough examples and eventually, you’d start to see a pattern. Buck didn’t know if he wanted Eddie to see one. 

He reached over to grab a slice of yellow pepper just to give his hands something to do and threw up a smirk at Chim and Hen. 

“Eddie doesn’t need any more examples of how I’m irresistible.” 

The sounds of disgust were all in good fun and by then the news was on. 

It wasn’t something they did often. Bobby usually tossed the news on when he was cooking and it stayed on by unanimous vote for Jeopardy after. But sometimes it was nice to sit down and just listen to the end of stories they didn’t get to see. 

Bobby had once told Buck that they didn’t go beyond the glass doors and it was something they still didn’t quite have control over. But it was nice to decompress and get an ending they sometimes didn’t have time to see. 

Buck’s rescue of Keaton made it on the news with footage of a tiny speck of Buck climbing up and around the driver’s side door but that was quickly overshadowed by a save the 136 made in Brentwood. 

That should’ve been the end of it. 

Should’ve been. 

But then Chimney went and said, “At least you have one thing going for you now, Buckaroo.”

Buck wasn’t a hundred percent sure he wanted to hear what Chimney had to say but he played along anyway. 

“What’s that?”

“Back then you didn’t have an Eddie to glare at them over your shoulder as your fake boyfriend.”

Chimney jumped as Eddie’s elbow landed in his ribs and Chimney was crying foul as he tried to get Hen to switch seats with him. Buck was too busy hoping the couch would swallow him whole as his face flamed up with a blush he felt hot on his neck. 

Yeah. He should’ve seen that coming. 

Sometimes when Buck would finish a shift, he couldn’t stand still. The adrenaline would be humming under his skin and the lightness beneath his feet would carry him from one skip to the next so that he was ready to jump at any given moment. 

But the crash inevitably always came and sometimes it was before Buck was even done changing. 

This crash had arrived while he was in the middle of a shower that couldn’t wait till he got home and had him possibly (probably) falling asleep standing up at one point. 

The series of calls had started at around two in the morning and didn’t stop until they got back to the station about an hour after the end of their shift. Bobby had requested a rain check on the breakfast he’d offered them and by the time Buck got into the locker room, Chim and Hen had already cleared out. 

Eddie was sitting as he laced up his boots looking all sorts of soft and exhausted with his hair sticking up in tufts from where he’d just run his towel over it and called it good enough. Buck would’ve given just about anything to get the chance to run his fingers through that hair. 

But that was weird and impossible and Buck needed to get a grip. 

They didn’t say much to each other which was fine because they fell into that easy silence that Buck didn’t know could be so comfortable until he met Eddie. Silences usually meant people were mad at him and the twisting churn of panic from years of realizing he was about to be ignored and there was nothing he could do anymore to change that. But not with Eddie. Silences with Eddie were just… 

Buck didn’t know. They were light and easy and left Buck more relaxed than he’d ever been. 

“You need help with those?” Eddie asked, breaking the silence with a tip of his head in Buck’s direction. 

Buck looked down and found that he’d slipped his boots on but hadn’t bothered lacing them up. Buck hummed. He couldn’t quite remember putting those on. 

“I’m good.” Buck hurried to tie his laces and stood, grabbing his bag. “Ready?”

He told himself, once again, that it didn’t mean anything that Eddie waited for him. That unless he had to run off to get Christopher, he usually waited for Buck and there was absolutely nothing special about it. 

But that didn’t stop the way Buck was fighting down a smile at the warmth that was spreading throughout his chest. Eddie bumped his shoulder and Buck straight up refused to acknowledge the fact that when Eddie did that, their knuckles would brush and all it would take would be a small flex and they could be holding hands. He refused to acknowledge it because holding hands with Eddie was another one of those things Buck had thought about way too much. It was one of his most frequented fantasies. And if he acknowledged it, then he would have to acknowledge how empty his palm was every time. 

Buck could only take so much. 

“You want to co— shit!” 

Buck lifted his brows as he looked over at Eddie. 

“You okay?” 

Eddie made an aggravated noise in the back his throat that absolutely did not make Buck hot all over. 

“I left my watch. Two seconds.” 

Then Eddie turned and hurried back into the locker room. Buck rolled his eyes as he stepped to the side of the bay doors to wait. Eddie was meticulous to a fault. He had an alarm set in his truck to ping just to remind him to check the backseat. But he forgot his watch at least once a week and it was a stupid thing to find so charming but it was just another item on the list of things Buck lo—

“Hey Handsome.”

The hot curl of breath was more startling than the voice itself. Buck jumped as his heart skipped up into his throat before crashing back down into his stomach. 

Keaton sniffed out a laugh he was trying to stifle from behind quirked lips. 

“Kea— What are you doing here?” Buck rushed out. Keaton’s brow arched and Buck winced at how rude that sounded. He swallowed back the adrenaline and shook off the roaring in his ears, putting on a polite smile that made his lips twitch trying to hold it up. “Is everything okay? Do you need help?”

Keaton crossed his arms over his chest, massive biceps stretching his t-shirt to an almost worryingly degree. If Buck wasn’t already trying to pry him free, he would’ve asked him how he managed to get so much definition in his triceps. But then Keaton propped his shoulder against the wall and raked his gaze up and down Buck’s body with that hunger from before. 

“Everything’s fine. Or, it will be.”

“What do you mean?”

“Let me take you out.” Keaton said it again and it wasn’t a question that time. Buck started to shake his head but Keaton kept going anyway. He leaned in, not quite boxing Buck against the wall but cornering him all the same. “You said you were on shift and I respected that. But now you’re off and I want to show you how much I appreciate being rescued. What do you say? Breakfast?”

Breakfast was harmless. But Buck knew what Keaton wasn’t saying. That breakfast would have a dessert and Buck wasn’t interested in fulfilling whatever fantasy this guy had latched onto with Buck. 

But Buck would’ve sounded like a dick if he said that out loud so he went for the gentle approach instead. 

“Keaton, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Keaton stopped but he didn’t protest so Buck hurried to add. “Look, it’s just the adrenaline from what happened yesterday. Okay? I promise by next week you won’t even remember me. So, thank you. I’m flattered really. But it’s going to be a no.”

Keaton didn’t so much as blink before he said, “I could always make you.”

He was smiling, flirting, but all Buck felt was the cold icy rush through his veins that washed over him in an instant. Suddenly, the apprehension and the smallness disappeared into that feeling of being prey again and Buck finally understood what it was that he hadn’t been able to place before. 

Fear. 

Uncomfortable, heart pounding fear. It slithered around his lungs and constricted until he could barely breathe. 

Buck rocked back a step. “Uh—” 

“Go out with me.” Another demand and the lightness of Keaton’s flirting sounded heavy that time. 

“He’s busy.” Buck jumped at Eddie’s appearance by his side but Eddie didn’t even hesitate before he was reaching for Buck’s hand and lacing their fingers together. “You ready, babe?”

Babe . It was a pet name that slid down Buck’s back like a warm hand. Buck wanted to shiver beneath it. He was barely able to resist melting into a puddle when he was around Eddie on a good day but the confident possessiveness of Eddie calling him babe was almost enough to take him out at his knees.

The pet name had been another one of those daydreams that Buck didn’t think would happen in a million years so he wasn’t—

Oh! 

Buck had thought Eddie had all but forgotten about his agreement to pretend to be Buck’s fake boyfriend. Chimney had gotten his jokes out and then they’d been on back to back calls that no one had brought it up again. 

The fact that he’d not only remembered but slipped in by Buck’s side, pulling Buck away from Keaton, without a second thought, shouldn’t have been as touching as it was. 

Eddie squeezed Buck’s hand and the heat of his skin pulsed into Buck’s to wash away the sludgy ice from earlier. 

“Yeah.” Buck managed to get out. 

Keaton’s smirk disappeared as he stood to his full height but Eddie faced him with a sharp smile. 

“You are?“ 

“The boyfriend,” Eddie said with a drawl of his own as he tipped up his chin at the challenge. Buck’s brain went a little fuzzy at the sound of that word coming from Eddie’s lips. The way it was just as claiming as the other but dressed up in the hopes Buck had kept under lock and key for so long. “Which I know he told you about.” 

Keaton made a dismissive noise at Eddie before he cut his gaze to Buck and opened his mouth to speak. But Eddie didn’t let him even get a solid exhale out. 

“He’s not interested. Don’t bother him again.” 

Then without another word, Eddie tugged Buck away and out to the parking lot. 

Buck was dreaming. He had to be. It was the only way to describe the way his heart was fluttering against his ribs like it had wings and was ready to take flight. 

But it was ridiculous because Eddie was just pretending and no matter how amazing it felt to have Eddie’s hand tangled with his, it was still pretend. It wasn’t real. 

Buck’s heart just hadn’t gotten the message. 

Buck looked over his shoulder and grimaced as Keaton glared at them before he stomped his way back to a rental car. 

Buck jumped when Eddie’s hand let go of Buck’s to slip into the small of his back, steering him towards his Jeep with a gentle but firm pressure of his fingertips. 

“Eyes front,” Eddie said as he wheeled Buck around so his back was pressed up against his Jeep. 

Eddie smiled at him, small and teasing, and Buck was pretty sure the way his knees went a little weak was in his own head. Eddie took Buck’s bag, letting it drop beside them with a soft smack on the pavement, and then leaned in to bracket Buck with his hands on either side of him.  

“Uh…” Buck had to be dreaming. He had to be. He had been at a scene or some rescue and got a concussion and now he was dreaming. That was the only way to explain why Eddie was caging him in like it was something he always did and why Buck liked it as much. “Eddie—”

“He’s still watching,” Eddie murmured under his breath. “Put your hands on my waist.”

Buck’s hands settled over the curve of Eddie’s waist before he even had to think about it and Eddie rewarded him with a grin that made Buck’s insides melt until they didn’t feel real anymore. 

“Good,” Eddie said and leaned some of his weight against him. 

A puddle. Buck was a puddle of confusion and hope and elation all wrapped up into one. He’d thought about this exact moment for so long that he was almost lighthead that it was even real. But it was real. Eddie’s waist was real beneath the palm of his hands. Real and warm with the hard edges of denim for Buck to curl his fingers around and the searing hot line of Eddie’s skin even through his clothes that felt so right against his chest. 

Buck’s throat was dry and it took too many tries for him to unstick his tongue from the roof of his mouth to let out the stutter of the exhale caught there. 

“E-Ed—”

Eddie leaned up and he was so close, Buck could’ve counted every one of his eyelashes. Buck stopped breathing and focused on the small freckle beneath his eye instead. One that he had dreamed of kissing the moment he saw it. 

The freckle had been one of the first things Buck had noticed when they’d met but at that point he’d been too blind by his insecurities to fully appreciate its placement. Now, he sought it out as a source of comfort when his longing had his stomach twisting so tight that he couldn’t stand to even look at Eddie fully without mourning what he could never have. 

“Do you trust me?” Eddie asked and Buck latched his fingers onto the belt loops so tightly, it was a miracle he didn’t rip them free. 

“Yeah,” Buck said without hesitation. 

The answer to that question was as easy as Buck’s own name. 

His name was Evan Buckley, the Earth was round, and Buck trusted Eddie with his heart, his life, and all the messy bits in between. 

Eddie fitted his hand on the curve of Buck’s jaw and the tiny caress of Eddie’s thumb on the side of his mouth unlocked another stuttered breath that was too faint to be a gasp. 

Then Eddie was kissing him and Buck was tumbling out of reality. 

It wasn’t anything spectacular. There weren’t fireworks and rainbows with confetti cannons. It was relatively chaste, to be honest. But it was theirs. Soft lips pressed against soft lips. The weight of Eddie’s mouth against his was so right that Buck didn’t understand how he’d ever been able to kiss anyone else. His hands slip back up to press into the small of Eddie’s back to hold him closer, to keep him close, and Eddie practically purred against his lips in a sigh when Buck’s pinky slipped into the canyon between his shirt and his jeans where warm, searing skin was exposed. 

Eddie’s hand turned firm as he tipped Buck’s jaw just right for him to capture his top lip and Buck relaxed his mouth to—

The roar of an angry engine speeding away made Buck jump so hard, he knocked his nose into Eddie’s. 

Clarity crashed down at their feet. 

Keaton sped away with his rage as heavy as the exhaust fumes and Buck wanted to die a little inside when Eddie pulled away. Eddie checked to make sure the coast was clear before he stepped back a reasonable distance that put enough space between them that was appropriate for two people that hadn’t just been kissing up against a Jeep. 

“Alright,” Eddie said, bending down to grab his bag and slinging it over his shoulder. “He shouldn’t bother you anymore now.” 

Right. Because the kiss didn’t mean anything. It had been a ruse to get Keaton off Buck’s back and nothing more. 

He half expected Eddie to wipe his wrist against his mouth but he didn’t. 

Neither would Buck when the tingling was still sparking in his lips. 

“Thanks,” Buck said. He didn’t know what else to add. Everything else reeked of feelings and truth that Buck didn’t need to burden Eddie with by telling him. “I’ll get better at telling creeps off so you don’t have to kiss me every time one looks my way.”

But God, wouldn’t that be a price Buck would willingly pay. 

“It’s fine.”

There was something in Eddie’s tone that Buck didn’t know how to decipher. It was light and detached with no real weight in it and yet it sank down at Buck’s feet anyway. 

He almost sounded… jealous which was ridiculous because Eddie had been his fake boyfriend for all of fifty minutes. 

It was ridiculous. Buck was being ridiculous. But that didn’t stop the way his heart skipped a beat beneath his ribs with a kind of ridiculous hope he’d wished he knew how to ignore a long time ago. 

It took Buck too long to realize Eddie also wasn’t looking at him. 

“Edd—”

Eddie cleared his throat and hooked a thumb over his shoulder. “I’ve got to go. See you later!”

Then he turned on his heel and walked away. 

Eddie couldn’t believe he kissed him. It had taken all of five seconds of starting his truck and turning it onto the street before he promptly felt the spindling panic of realizing what he’d done wrap tight around his throat. 

He’d kissed Buck. 

Shit. 

Not the kissing Buck part so much but because he wanted to do it again. Shit at the easy way it had been to lean over to pull him down and kiss him like it was something they did every day. Shit at the fact that Buck had asked Eddie to help him get rid of a creep and Eddie allowed his feelings to fly out and take over like some kind of caveman staking his claim. 

But Buck hadn’t asked for that. Buck hadn’t deserved that and now Eddie was just as much of an asshole as that Keaton guy who couldn’t take no for an answer. 

“Shit.” Eddie breathed before he dropped his forehead onto the steering wheel. 

Why do you feel as if you aren’t entitled to your feelings, Eddie? A few months of dedicated therapy and Eddie was already hearing what Frank would ask if they were in a session. It was annoying because it made ignoring the question even harder when it was Eddie conjuring it up. 

Why did he feel like he wasn’t entitled to his feelings? Because his feelings didn't just affect himself. They affected his relationship with Buck, his best friend, who deserved more than a single father with issues the length of the ladder truck. They affected his son who loved Buck just as much as Eddie did and if things went weird that would be tainted eventually. They affected his job, his heart, his head. He wasn’t entitled to his feelings because his feelings made him selfish. They made him selfish and weak and so unbearably happy whenever he was even thinking about Buck. 

So, you deserve to be unhappy is what you’re saying?

Eddie groaned as he bumped his head on the steering wheel a couple more times. Maybe he could knock out that voice so he could wallow in self pity for a little bit longer. 

He’d kissed Buck. He’d kissed Buck and his heart had nearly burst through his ribcage as it pounded against his chest. Had Buck been able to feel it? He’d pulled Eddie impossibly close, nestling him between his legs, and held onto him as if…

Eddie swallowed as he leaned back into his seat and raked a hand through his hair. 

Say it, Eddie. You can’t bottle things up. They cause a reaction and build up pressure against your spin until you explode. He held onto you as if…

As if…

As if…

As if Eddie was something precious. 

Buck held onto Eddie like Eddie was worth something to be held. 

Eddie had kissed Buck and Buck hadn’t shoved him away or given him that regret filled spiel about not wanting to ruin friendships and sorry, I don’t feel that way about you. 

No. Eddie had kissed Buck and Buck had held him close like he didn’t want to let go. 

But Eddie had to have been imagining that. There was no way Buck would’ve been interested in someone like him. For one, Buck couldn’t keep a secret to save his life, and for another, Eddie would’ve known. Right? He would’ve known if Buck had even a glimmer of sharing those feelings. Right?

The horn from the car behind him blasted through the cab of his truck, knocking Eddie out of his spiral like a splash of cold water to the face. He waved in apology and pulled forward as traffic finally started moving again. The exhaustion crept up his spine and seeped into his cheeks before settling under his eyes. 

Maybe he was just tired. 

Maybe it was no big deal. Buck hadn’t been upset but Buck had just been playing along. 

But maybe, just maybe, there had been something there. Something for Eddie to hold onto with hope he hadn’t felt in a long time. 

Or maybe he just needed to sleep and eventually, he would forget what the weight of Buck’s mouth against his own felt like. 

By the morning of their next shift, Eddie had successfully been able to smooth out the rumples that had been left by knowing what Buck’s touch felt like on his skin. The sparks and electricity that sizzled in his blood had been quelled and Eddie had been fully prepared to go back to normal. The kind of normal where Buck was safe from the cracks Eddie tried to patch over to keep his feelings inside. 

Yeah, yeah Frank would probably have a whole speech prepared about how that wasn’t necessarily the healthiest of approaches to the situation but it was the only one Eddie could manage. If he didn’t, then Eddie didn’t know how he would get through an entire shift with Buck at his side. 

Eddie was the only one in the locker room when Buck arrived with his duffle bag slung over his shoulder and his teeth latched onto his lip. He always did that when he was nervous, making the skin pink and plump that made Eddie wonder what it would feel like to kiss them. 

Except… He didn’t have to wonder anymore because he knew. 

Maybe the shift was going to be harder than he thought. He could feel the strings wrapped tight around the box holding his longing begin to unravel as big blue eyes widened at the sight of him. 

“H-Hi,” Buck said before pink bloomed up into his cheeks. 

Eddie’s throat was impossibly dry and he settled on smiling with a small wave. 

He looked good. Buck always looked good but even better now that Eddie knew what he tasted like and Oh my God, Diaz! Get a fucking grip! 

Eddie glued his eyes to his boots as he laced them over and over again. Buck shuffled his favorite white tennis shoes before he made the decision to enter the locker room fully. 

They didn’t say anything for a while and Eddie breathed slow and deep to bring himself back to heel. 

“Eddie?” Buck sounded hesitant and almost uncertain. Shaky like he didn’t think the world was stable beneath his feet. 

Eddie resisted the temptation to rub his eyes. 

Buck was staring at him, his face tight with worry, and Eddie could’ve kicked himself. 

Of course Buck was worried. Eddie had all but thrown himself at Buck the first chance he got! 

“Are we okay?” Buck asked, his hands twisting around his sweater. “I know the other day—”

Eddie waved off Buck’s spiral and smiled up at him again. 

“It was nothing.” The words tasted like vinegar on his tongue. “We’ve all been there. Happy to be your fake boyfriend whenever you need it.”

Those words felt like a knife between his ribs. Buck’s awkward laugh mixed with the relief that loosened some of the tension in his brow made the knife feel like it was being twisted. 

“Yeah,” Buck said and his breath stuttered. “Same. If you ever need a… fake… boyfriend, I mean.”

An awkwardness still lingered between them and Eddie wasn’t proud of the way he all but jumped up with an excuse to get a break from it. 

He wouldn’t leave Buck in it though. 

Eddie held out his wrist and Buck’s smile turned more genuine and bright that made Eddie want to melt on the spot beneath it. 

“I’ve got your back,” Eddie said when Buck tapped his wrist. “Always.”

He meant it. He hoped Buck knew how much he meant it. Eddie may suffer in silence for the rest of his life knowing that Buck didn’t feel the spark Eddie felt every time they touched but none of that mattered in the end. He would be there for Buck whenever he needed him. 

Always. 

The bar was loud and boisterous with an air of good energy that seeped into Buck’s skin and made him almost vibrate with happiness. 

They’d had a good shift— A great shift where no one had died or had their life altered in a way that they would carry with them for the rest of their lives. They’d done their jobs and they’d done it well which led to Chimney crowing out the invitation to the bar to “celebrate boring” from atop a bench in the locker room. 

And if Buck’s good mood had to do with the tight jeans Eddie’s thighs were being hugged by and the even tighter shirt that showed off every bulge of muscle imaginable then that could stay between Buck and God. 

He’d gone into the shift expecting things to be weird. He’d barely heard from Eddie during their twenty four hours off, which wasn’t unusual per say, but they didn’t often kiss in the parking lot beforehand either. 

Buck had run his fingers over his mouth so many times, tracing the outline of Eddie’s lips that he could’ve sworn he felt the kiss on his tingling fingertips. 

But Eddie had been totally normal when their shift started. He didn’t act like it never happened— Buck knew the difference— but more like he didn’t think it was something worth bringing up which… stung. A little. A lot.

The kiss may not have been a big deal to Eddie but it had been to Buck. It had been a fast track to one of the major milestones that Buck had been wistfully fantasizing about ever since he realized his crush on his best friend was a little less horny— in Buck’s defense, he’d met Eddie when he was trying to squeeze into a shirt a size too small— and a lot closer to an emotion Buck was too scared to describe. 

Love was funny that way. It was kind of like climbing a tree almost. The higher and higher you got the cleaner and brighter the air felt against your cheeks. The warmth of the sun soothed away the ache of climbing. Your heart pounded in your chest as the branches got slimmer and the fear of falling skyrocketed up your spine. 

Buck used to love climbing trees. 

He’d felt the same kind of breathlessness with Abby and then Taylor; two different branches from the same tree. 

But what he felt with Eddie? It was like being at the highest point of the tree and not knowing how to get down other than falling so all Buck could do was hold on for dear life. 

So, if Eddie thought the kiss wasn’t a big deal, Buck could pretend it wasn’t a big deal for him either. But that didn’t make it hurt any less. 

It shouldn’t have been as easy as it was to go back to normal but most things with Eddie were easy. Breathing felt easy when Eddie was pressed against his side with his hands curled around his pool stick. The same hands that had fitted so nicely against Buck’s throat with the gentle caress of his thumb when they had kissed. 

Stop it, Buck. 

Eddie was downright terrible at pool but Buck was loyal to a fault so he’d readily agreed to team up with his best friend when Chimney and Hen had challenged them to a game. But now they were facing another loss with Hen savoring her time lining up her shot and Buck’s mouth was getting dry. 

“Hey,” Buck said, nudging Eddie with his hip. “I’m going to grab another round. You want anything?”

Eddie blinked up at him like he almost forgot Buck was there— he was terrible but Eddie’s competitive streak didn’t allow him to accept defeat until he absolutely had to— before he nodded. 

“I can do one more. Need help?”

“Oh, accepting your fate already?” Chimney gloated from across the table.

Eddie pointed a sharp finger at Chimney that was all in good fun but made Buck want to simper at his knees and beg Eddie to be a little mean to him too. 

Buck’s mouth went dry for a whole other reason then. 

“You wish,” Eddie said. 

Hen barked out a laugh before she sank her ball in the corner pocket. 

Buck needed to get out of there before he did something embarrassing like kiss Eddie all over again. 

He cleared his throat and unstuck his tongue from the roof of his mouth before he turned to the others. “You guys want anything?”

Hen shook her head but Chim downed the rest of his drink before fishing through his pockets for his wallet. Buck waved him off as he moved around Eddie for the bar. 

God, he even smelled amazing. Eddie always smelled good but there was something extra sharp that night. Something spicy like cloves that made Buck dizzy when he caught a whiff of it every time he moved. 

That was weird. Stop being weird. 

Just because Eddie had kissed him and Buck would do just about anything to do it again, didn’t mean he could be weird. 

Buck avoided further embarrassment and drunken elbows as he weaved his way through the crowd. The bar was a favorite amongst first responders without it being a badge and ladder joint like most of their usual haunts. Sometimes, it was nice to just blend in with everyone else and not have the weight of their jobs at their feet. And Buck loved his job. He couldn’t imagine doing anything else and he was starting to learn to trust that happiness now that he was in therapy. But sometimes even he needed a break and would rather be slinging smack talk over a pool table than talking shop with the guys from other firehouses around the city. 

Buck wedged himself into an opening at the bar and waved at the bartender as he caught his eye. The wait was quick considering the crowd and Buck smiled pleasantly when the bartender came over. 

“Two IPAs, a margarita with no salt, and a water please.” Eddie had a habit of always drinking a glass of water before he left. Buck was just saving him the trouble of fighting the crowd. 

“It’s going to be bottled water. That alright?” 

Buck nodded and the bartender was off, moving at lightning speed that made Buck’s muscle memory ache in familiarity. Bartending had been one of those jobs Buck had actually really liked. At first it had been the freedom of getting to do something he’d always wanted to do. He’d brought it up the first time he’d been kicked out of school as an idea to make back the money but, as always, his parents dismissed him and sent him to community college. 

The first time he’d stepped behind a bar had tasted like a new adventure and rebellion all rolled into one. 

“Here you go.” The bartender placed down a tray and set the two IPAs, Chimney’s margarita, the bottle of water, and a glass of whisky neat. 

“Uh…” Buck picked up the glass and handed it back to her but the bartender shook her head. “This isn’t mine.”

“Someone bought it for you.”

Buck followed the direction where the bartender jerked her chin. 

The dark eyes staring back at him made Buck go cold all over. 

Buck tore his gaze away and nearly dropped the glass of whisky like it had burnt him. 

“No,” Buck said, shaking his head as he pushed the glass back. “I don’t want it.” 

The bartender frowned. “I poured it if you're worried.”

And they were way past that point. Keaton’s words still rang clear as day in his ear. 

“I could always make you.”

Buck wasn’t interested in encouraging Keaton to see if he’d meant that. 

“No thank you.” Buck insisted and the bartender took the drink with ease before leaning against the bar. 

“Is he bothering you?” She asked with her voice low and her head turned so that Keaton couldn’t see her mouth moving. 

“He…” Buck stopped. The guilt churned in his stomach as he was faced with the very real possibility of someone besides Eddie doing something to make Keaton stop. It made everything feel so real and so serious the same way it had felt when the department had to file a restraining order against the woman with the wedding invitations. Did he want that? He’d thought Eddie had done a pretty good job scaring him off but now he was at the bar and the paranoia was crackling with the panic at the base of Buck’s spine. 

Was he following him? 

Or… it could all just be a coincidence and Buck was blowing everything out of proportion. 

He didn’t want to villainize someone for having the audacity to be in the same bar as him. 

Eddie and the others were here. He would be okay. 

Buck shook his head. “No. I have a boyfriend. I’m not interested.” 

The bartender nodded once and took the whisky glass away without a second glance and Buck carried the tray over to the pool table where his friends were arguing over Chimney’s idea of a “trick shot.”

Despite his best efforts to hide it, Eddie caught his expression and frowned. 

“What’s wrong?”

It took Buck a few tries to get his mouth to work which was stupid because Keaton had sent him a drink and Buck was fine . 

“I… um…” Buck could hear the words tripping themselves up on his tongue and Chimney and Hen both joined Eddie in matching their expressions with worry. Hen took the tray of drinks from his hands and without anything to occupy them, he was left to just rub the sweat on his thighs. Buck shook his head and slapped on a smile that he hoped wasn’t as fake as it felt. “It was nothing. It’s just—”

“You forgot something.” 

The arm that snaked around Buck’s waist to set the glass of whisky down on the pool table was suffocating and Buck shrugged out of the space that was closing in on him as Keaton’s chest pressed into his back. 

“Seriously?” Eddie was in front of Buck before he could even blink and Keaton didn’t so much as flinch. But Buck did. He couldn’t help it. Not when those eyes shot up over Eddie’s shoulder to zero in on Buck and that feeling of being prey cloyed at his heels telling him to run. Eddie wasn’t small by any stretch of the imagination but in comparison to Keaton’s bulk, he looked practically pocket size. “You can’t take a hint, can you?”

“I’m just buying someone a drink,” Keaton drawled like he was bored just even considering wasting his breath on Eddie. “I didn’t realize that was a crime.”

“No but harassment is.” Hen snapped. 

Keaton smirked but he didn’t even bother glancing her way. 

“Just trying to show my appreciation,” Keaton said easily before he flitted his gaze down at Eddie. A flash of something sharp and mean gleamed across his gaze as his smirk disappeared into his cheek with a twitch of his lips. “And to see if you’re bored of pretty boy here.”

“That’s not likely.” Chimney muttered under his breath and Buck didn’t have time to glare at him because Keaton was taking a step further into Eddie’s space until he was practically towering over him. 

“You call that a kiss?” Keaton goaded. “I would’ve believed it if he even looked like he was remotely enjoying it. I can recognize a pity fuck when I see it.”

Chimney and Hen shared a look but Buck was too preoccupied by the flicker of insecurity that dashed across Eddie’s expression like a camera flash. It was quick and barely noticeable but Buck caught it. Buck caught it and he felt it cut into his chest like a knife between his ribs. 

Buck pushed himself between the two before Keaton could try to land another blow, literally or metaphorically, and a series of things happened in rapid succession. 

“Sto—” 

Anything else Buck had tried to say was lost when Keaton’s hand latched onto the column of his throat, digging his fingertips into the back of his neck as he reeled Buck down and slammed his mouth over his. The bruising impact of Keaton’s mouth against Buck’s had his knees dipping before he could stop himself. He knocked into Eddie and bashed his leg hard into the side of the pool table as the drinks went flying everywhere. Hen cried out but everything went quiet as the ringing in his ears picked up when a tongue shoved its way into Buck’s mouth at his gasp and suddenly Buck was drowning. The taste of Keaton’s kiss was hoppy and sour like beer and his leg slipped out from under him as the throb of the growing bruise on his thigh matched in time with his heartbeat. But Keaton caught him and twisted them so that Buck was pinned up against the pool table. 

Panic burned like static beneath his skin as the pinned feeling made him feel smaller and smaller. Buck pushed up but Keaton’s teeth sank into his lips just as Eddie’s hand yanked Keaton back and suddenly Chimney was in front of him with Hen at his side and Eddie dragging him further back behind them with roaming hands checking him for injury. 

Buck tasted copper on his tongue and shuddered as he felt the tenderness of his lips with his fingertips. 

“Buck? Buck!” Eddie’s voice was stressed and thin in Buck’s ears, shooting through the ringing like an alarm blowing through the fog. “Buck, hey! Look at me. Are you okay? Look at me.”

Warm, strong hands cupped his jaw before Buck could pull away and a gentle thumb swept over his spit slick lips with a determination of someone wanting to turn back time. Buck winced as the pad of Eddie’s thumb found the swelling part where Keaton’s teeth had latched onto his lip and Eddie swore under his breath. 

“I’m sorry,” Eddie said, his voice low and apologetic as his thumb returned to smooth out the tension at the corner of Buck’s mouth. “No blood though.”

Buck melted instantly in his hold, eyes landing on that freckle he loved so much, and let out a breath he didn’t realize had been screaming to escape from his lungs until then. Those same warm, nimble fingers curled around his wrist and pressed into his pulsepoint and it was only then that Buck realized he was holding Eddie’s tight shirt in a tangle of his fingers with a death grip that was turning his knuckles white. 

An explosion of angry noises and breaths disrupted the moment of peace but Eddie just held his gaze and held Buck through it all. 

“I’m calling Athena,” Hen said with a decisiveness that Buck was too raw to deal with. 

“No!” Buck didn’t realize he was shaking until he pushed away from Eddie and held himself tighter around the middle to keep the trembling at bay. “No, I’m fine.”

“Buck, he just assaulted you!” 

Eddie said nothing, staring at him with an expression Buck wasn’t sure he could figure out in the dimness of the bar. Chimney was gone but so was Keaton and people were turning away from where they’d been watching like Buck was some kind of zoo animal and Eddie was still staring and it was too much. It was way too much and Buck needed air. Fresh air that didn’t smell the same way Keaton had tasted. Fresh air that wasn’t spiced with the cloves of Eddie’s scent that made Buck dizzy with want and confusion. 

“I-I need air.”

Buck pushed away from them and stumbled through the crowd for the exit. The pull was tight around his stomach, trying to yank him back like quicksand pulling him under. 

The evening air was cool on his too hot skin and Buck sucked in gulp after gulp until he finally had to stop. He bent over, bracing his hands on his knees, and tried to get his body to stop pulsing all over. 

He could still taste him. 

Buck shuddered as he wiped his mouth with his wrist and he could feel his pulse fluttering beneath the skin there too. 

He’d never… Buck hadn’t…

Heat from the base of his spine curdled his stomach and shot up into his throat as his face turned red with embarrassment. Keaton had done that in front of everyone and Buck hadn’t done a thing to stop him. The humiliation was almost heavier than Keaton had been, pushing him down until it was almost too much of an effort to stand back up. 

A hand slid across the slope of his back and rubbed a soft circle between his shoulder blades. 

“It’s alright, sweetheart. Just get it out.” 

Buck startled back as he pushed Keaton’s hand off. The toe of his sneaker scuffed against the pavement, tripping Buck with a choked yelp that still slipped from his lips. He windmilled his arms for balance and Keaton moved forward to catch him but it was enough!

Buck planted his weight on his heel and threw his hands in front of him to keep the space between them.

“Stop! Just… stop!” Buck snapped and for once, Keaton listened to him. “Stop following me. Stop-Stop-Stop… looking at me. Just please stop. Leave me alone.”

“I can’t,” Keaton said simply and Buck’s breath stuttered in his chest. “Ever since that day, I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re all I think about, Buck. I can’t get you out of my head. I want you so bad. It’s driving me crazy!”

It was one thing to know that there’d been an attachment but an entirely different thing to hear it uttered out loud. The sweat dotting Buck’s skin went cold as he tried to make sense of the queasy mess of feelings in his stomach. 

Buck licked his lips, trying to make the words form in a way that made sense but it was nearly impossible when nothing was making sense. Nothing except for the fact that Keaton had hurt Eddie in there. 

The flinch. The way Eddie had flushed when Keaton suggested that Eddie kissing Buck had been anything but spectacular. 

The implication that maybe the kiss meant more to Eddie than Buck originally thought was niggling at Buck’s brain for attention but he could only deal with so much. 

Suddenly, the panic that was like snapping static beneath his skin, turned hot with anger. 

“Keaton,” Buck said, his voice going raspy with the emotions burning in his throat. 

Once, Dr. Copeland had asked him in a therapy exercise to name where he felt the emotions in his body. Some of them had been easy. Excitement had been in his chest. Sadness had been in his face. Panic had been in his back. Some of the others were harder to place. Exhaustion had been in his arms. Anxiety in his stomach. Overwhelmed in his hands. The things he felt when he was around Eddie was all over but mostly in his ribs. But anger had been in his throat. It built up pressure behind his breast bone and seeped into his shoulders until they bunched up to his ears. Then it burned hot in his throat and spilled over into his eyes. 

It was burning then too and scorching his voice. 

“I am flattered,” Buck said but he couldn’t help but feel like the flattery had been washed away the moment Keaton had grabbed him like he was a piece of property. “But I am never going to be with you.”

A complicated series of emotions flashed across Keaton’s face before something sour like surprise took over his expression. “Because of that—”

“Don’t talk about him like that.” Buck cut Keaton off before whatever insult he could muster against Eddie could slip past his lips. 

Irritation turned Keaton’s mouth down into a scowl. 

“He can’t have you,” Keaton said definitively. 

“He already has.” Truth was lingering in the air and making it feel electric on Buck’s skin. The dating part may have been fake but that didn’t change that the feelings, the ones Buck kept locked away, were real. So painfully real as they fluttered free in his chest. “I’m sorry but he already has me. Okay? I love him and that’s not going to change and I—”

Gravel crunched in a stumbled step. There was a hitch of a breath and Buck only managed to catch the soft whispers of cloves on the breeze before he realized that Eddie had found him. 

I love him and that’s not going to change…

Eddie… There was no way… Eddie had to be dreaming. It was the only thing that explained Buck uttering those three little words that he’d wanted to hear for so long and thought he’d never get. 

Eddie didn’t breathe. He didn’t dare. He didn’t want to shatter the dream. 

But doubt was twisting around his throat like a noose and Keaton was seething in his peripheral. Seething and too close to Buck and reminding Eddie of the ruse. 

Right. They’d been pretending. Still were and even if that realization was making Eddie’s heart shatter into a million little pieces like sand through his fingers, it didn’t mean he was going to let him touch Buck like that again. 

“Eddie—” 

Buck sounded breathless; like he didn’t know what oxygen tasted like. 

Eddie crossed the distance between them and slipped his arm around Buck’s waist like the dutiful boyfriend he was supposed to be playing. Buck sagging into his side was only his imagination because he could still feel the thick line of tension thrumming through Buck’s muscles like a live wire. 

Keaton’s lip curled back over his teeth like he was trying not to snarl and a vein on his forehead bulged thick enough that it was a miracle it didn’t split the skin. 

“Touch him again— No! If you so much as look at him again and I stop being nice.” Eddie warned. “I suggest getting out of here before the cops show up.”

He didn’t give Keaton a chance to respond. Eddie wanted Buck as far away from him as possible and if he had to put Buck into his Jeep himself then he would. 

The heat of Keaton’s eyes on the back of his head was blistering and a petty, possessive part of Eddie wanted to get one final word in before hopefully they never saw Keaton again. He slipped his hand down Buck’s spine and tucked his palm into Buck’s back pocket.

Buck let him, his eyes fixed to the ground, and his teeth digging deep into the plump skin of his lip as he let Eddie navigate him through the parking lot. 

Buck blew out a breath. “I said I didn’t want—”

“You’ve been saying a lot of things tonight, Buck.”

Eddie felt rather than saw Buck’s small flinch and he bit down on his cheek to rein it in. It wasn’t his fault. Eddie was the one who agreed to play along when he knew how he felt. And the last thing he wanted was for Buck to blame himself. 

They’d be fine. Eddie would be fine. He’d gotten good at stuffing things down deep inside over the years. Therapy had gotten him to clear out that space but that just meant he had room. 

“I was bluffing,” Eddie said, risking a glance over his shoulder to check. Keaton was gone— hopefully for good— which made him feel a lot better leading Buck to his Jeep. “I talked Hen down but that doesn’t mean I don’t agree with her. You—”

But Buck dug his heel in and stopped. “Eddie.”

Shit. 

Eddie pulled his hand free from Buck’s pocket and took a step away to see if it would help the ache. It didn’t. If anything, it made it worse until Eddie almost couldn’t stay up right. 

Buck was looking down at him, his eyes wide and open and so fucking honest that Eddie couldn’t holding his gaze. It was like staring at the sun. Beautiful and magnificent but overpowering and blinding. He dropped his chin down and rubbed his sweaty palms down the back of his thighs. 

“Look, Buck. I know you didn’t mean it. It’s fine. I just…”

He waved a hand in front of him and bit down on his cheek. 

I just am still working on being a me you deserve. 

I just have loved you since the moment I met you. 

I just don’t know how I’ll survive knowing that you don’t feel the same. 

I just hurt when I’m not near you. 

I just love you. 

They were all things he could’ve said. But Eddie’s teeth kept them back. 

He also knew his best friend though, and Buck would be spiraling before he even pulled out of the parking lot, so he swallowed that all back. Eddie lifted his gaze and smiled before nodding to Buck’s Jeep behind him. 

“We’re okay. Are you good to get ho—”

“Did you want me to not mean it?” 

It was said so quietly, Eddie almost didn’t hear it. It was whispered like a prayer; hushed like a hope. 

A pang shot through Eddie’s chest before he could hide the wince. So, maybe he hadn’t been as discreet as he thought. 

But Eddie would do just about anything for Buck. Except this. He couldn’t do this. Not when it was going to end with his heart broken to pieces again. 

He took another step back, desperate for the space. 

“Buck…”

Buck followed. 

“Because… Because I-I did.” There was a manic sort of edge in the quiet huskiness of Buck’s voice that made Eddie look up at him, blindness be damned. Buck chewed on his lip for a moment, gathering himself up for whatever courage he kept an endless supply of and continued. “I meant it.”

Another pang but that time Eddie didn’t wince because it was his heart skipping one beat then two. 

“I’m in love with you,” Buck said. ”I’ve been in love with you and I didn’t want to make things weird. You’re one of the most important people in my life and I-I couldn’t lose you. I’m sor—”

“You wouldn’t have lost me.” The words were out of his mouth before he even realized he was speaking again. 

Buck jolted as if he’d been given an electrical shock. 

Neither one of them said anything for a moment, too caught up in the surrealness of what was happening. 

Then Buck managed to get out a strangled, “What?”

“You wouldn’t have lost me. You didn’t lose me.” Eddie took a cautious step forward into Buck’s space and Buck didn’t move. He was a solid line of muscle and heat that would catch him if he fell into him. Eddie shivered at the memory of Buck’s hands on his waist, his fingertips on the small of his back, and he lifted his hand up to cup Buck’s cheek with his palm. “I wanted you to mean it.”

Buck leaned into the touch like he was starved for it. “Yeah?”

Buck’s breath tickled the soft skin of Eddie’s wrist. 

“Yes.” Eddie breathed, his heart racing in his chest now that he’d taken off at the starting pistol of Buck’s admission; of Eddie’s admission. 

Relief propelled them forward and Eddie twisted his fist into Buck’s shirt just as Buck leaned down to capture Eddie’s lips in a kiss that tasted like freedom. Freedom and a rightness that settled over them as they clung to each other tight. Buck melted back, pulling Eddie with him as he leaned against the side of his Jeep. The position gave Eddie the height he needed to own Buck’s mouth, tracing his lips with his tongue until Buck opened with a sigh that Eddie wanted to fill into his lungs and never exhale. 

The weight of Buck’s palms slid down from Eddie’s waist and pushed into the roundness of Eddie’s ass. Fingertips, sure and determined, pressed until Eddie was plastered against Buck and Eddie rewarded Buck with a lick in his mouth that managed to pull out a soft keen. 

Fuck.

Eddie could’ve gotten drunk off that sound alone. He carded his fingers through Buck’s hair, trying to see if he could find another one of those noises if he pulled, and Buck shivered against him until Eddie felt the vibrations all the way down to his toes. 

Eddie would’ve thought kissing Buck would’ve felt surreal; something like a dream that would’ve made everything float. But kissing Buck just felt real. So fucking real and there and perfect. The weight of his mouth, the plumpness of his lips, and the sureness of his hands were so real and the only floating came from the oxygen deprivation when neither of them seemed like they planned on pulling away any time soon. 

But they had to eventually. 

Eddie had wanted this for so long and he was determined not to mess it up. That and his lungs were screaming at him to breathing. 

He kissed Buck once and then twice before he pulled away. The fact that Buck tried to chase after his mouth with a thin whine escaping him that cut through Eddie’s resolve like a knife, was intoxicating. It made that sleeping beast in his chest rumble to life. He pulled on Buck’s hair to keep him back and pecked the pout that was creeping onto Buck’s face away. 

“We need to talk, Buck.” Eddie managed to get out before he moaned as Buck’s hands squeezed his ass with meaning. He nipped Buck’s jaw in retaliation and Buck swore too low under his breath for Eddie to catch it. “I mean it.”

“I thought we already did that.” Buck didn’t stomp his foot but it was close enough and Eddie couldn’t help but fall against him, laughing. “Eddie!”

Eddie’s laugh turned a little delirious as he nosed Buck’s throat and pressed a kiss against his jaw because he could. 

“As much as I want to make out with you in the parking lot,” Eddie said, leaving a trail of kitten kisses up and down his jaw before settling his forehead against Buck’s. Buck sucked in a breath and held it until Edde smoothed his hand back down to his cheek, swiping the spit at the corner of his mouth away with a soft smile. “We should talk.”

Buck swallowed before he nodded. “Yeah, okay. My place?”

Eddie shook his head. “I’m closer. Chris is with Pepa tonight.”

And then he kissed him again because… Well, because he could. He could kiss Buck and that wasn’t something he thought he would ever get. He wanted to kiss Buck as many times as Buck would let him for however long he could. 

Buck’s mouth was still pulsing in time with his heartbeat from the weight of Eddie’s kiss even though it had been at least twenty minutes since they split up. Eddie had refused to leave his truck at the bar and even though Buck had hated the idea of being apart for even a minute, he knew he needed the air before they talked. Buck needed to clear his head of coffee brown eyes and small round freckles and competent fingers carding through his hair. 

Buck ran his own fingers through his hair, chasing after the sensation as he tugged on his curls and used the sting to ground him back down to Earth again. All it managed to do was make him want to kiss Eddie again. 

But Eddie was right. He was annoying like that but Eddie had muttered something under his breath about “ you’re the one that dumped me into therapy” before he’d shoved Buck into his Jeep and closed the door for him. 

Buck had followed Eddie’s truck into traffic but one mistimed light had Eddie’s taillights disappearing further up the street and out of sight. Buck tapped his fingers along the steering wheel impatiently when he pulled up to another red light and tried to calm down the singing in his blood that was racing through his veins. It was a task proving to be nearly impossible though because every time he did, Buck’s mouth would throb in time with his heartbeat again. 

The sting from where Keaton’s teeth had bitten too hard was still there but the burn from Eddie’s stubble was overpowering and consuming. 

He’d kissed Eddie. 

He had kissed Eddie. 

Not only had he kissed Eddie but he’d told him he was in love with him and Eddie… Well, he hadn’t said it back but he had said that he wanted Buck to mean it. That was something, right? 

Right?

But wasn’t that what always happened? Buck went all in and people indulged him until they moved on. 

No. 

No, Eddie was different. Maybe it was the therapy talking but Buck knew Eddie. 

You thought you knew Abby. And Ali. And Taylor. Maddie. Your parents. The guy in Kansas. You thought you knew them—

No. 

No. Buck wasn’t going to let his insecurities ruin the moment. Not when he was buzzing from the kiss. His chest felt lighter. And even if things didn’t work out, Buck wanted to remember how he felt just then. He felt better now that Eddie knew. He felt… 

Buck was trying not to define himself on the person he was with. He wanted to be whole and complete on his own. But he’d felt like a piece of him was missing for so long, it was hard to figure out how to describe those feelings in a different way. 

He felt… real? No. That wasn’t right. New? No, he was trying not to think in software updates anymore. 

He felt… seen. 

There. 

Buck felt seen for the first time in… he didn’t even know how long. Eddie saw him. He saw all the flaws and imperfections and stuck around anyway but most importantly, made Buck want to stick around for himself too. 

Sometimes, Buck would remember what it was like to know that he could pick up his things and go if he wanted to. But Buck didn’t want to. Even when things were tough and hard, he wanted to stay; he wanted to hold onto the life he loved and now he was faced with the real possibility of being able to love Eddie openly and freely too. 

So, Eddie was right. They needed to talk. 

Buck was just seriously regretting letting Eddie talk him into driving separately. Boxed in by a Honda Civic and a Ford Fiesta, Buck felt like they were crawling down the streets at an exceptionally slower pace than normal. 

If he sped a little to just barely make the last light before he could turn onto Eddie’s street then that was between him and God… and maybe the traffic cam. Whatever. 

Eddie’s truck was already parked when Buck pulled up. He let out a low breath and sucked in another, feeling his heartbeat in his fingertips, and bound up the walk to Eddie’s front door. 

The front door that Eddie had left open for him. 

“Hey!” Buck called as he pushed it open, not wanting to startle Eddie. “It’s me. Why are all the lights out?”

The chair rocked with a harsh scrap on the floor as Eddie pulled against his restraints. His muffled grunt was like a scream in Buck’s ears. 

Buck froze. 

A chair from the small dining room table had been turned around so Eddie could face Buck. His hands and ankles were bound to separate legs of the chair, pulling his shoulders down into a bunch so that he could hardly struggle. 

“—ck!” A thick cloth was shoved in between his teeth and pulled his cheeks taut as Eddie bit into the gag, trying to push it out with his tongue. 

The hollow air in Buck’s lungs escaped his lips as he rocked onto his toes. Eddie’s eyes widened as he shook his head, grunting as he struggled to get free, but all Buck could see was the bright streak of fresh blood cascading down Eddie’s temple. It stained his cheek and seeped into the fabric rubbing a chafe at the corners of his mouth. 

Buck stumbled forward as the bile burned at the back of his esophagus and Keaton stepped behind Eddie with a knife in his hand. 

Buck stopped but Eddie didn’t. He kept tugging and pulling, pleading through the gag. Not to Keaton. But to Buck. 

His eyes were screaming at Buck to run; to leave. 

But Buck was rooted to the spot. 

“Keaton—”

Keaton’s hand moved with lighting precision. Eddie choked as his head was yanked back, a fist twisting in his hair, and exposing a long column of vulnerable flesh. 

“Don’t!” Buck cried out, throwing his hands up in front of him. “Don’t! Don’t! Keaton! Stop! What are you doing?”

“What’s it look like?” Keaton asked with an airiness to his words that slid over Buck’s skin and prickled at the panic in his spine. “I’m getting rid of the problem.”

“He’s not a problem, Keaton! He’s my—” 

Suddenly, saying boyfriend, even when the possibility of it was very real as of half an hour ago, didn’t seem enough. Not then. Not when Keaton had a knife to Eddie’s throat and Buck was too far away to throw himself under the blade. 

“I love him. Please! Let him go!”

Eddie’s chest was heaving and Buck was pretty sure his heart was beating just as fast in his own chest. 

“He’s been the one person keeping you from me,” Keaton said simply and Buck felt the flare of that familiar anger burst like a flashover beneath his skin. 

“Stop talking about me like I’m a thing!” 

The anger fizzled out and cramped up into pressure behind his eyes when Eddie let out a soft hitch of panic as the knife pressed hard against his flesh. Not enough to break skin but one slice would be all it would take. 

Buck needed to breathe but he couldn’t. He couldn’t. His knees were going to give out on him as flashes of Eddie in a pool of his own blood staring up at him from the pavement clouded his mind. 

“Please!” Buck’s throat was burning. “Please let him go. I-I-I’ll do anything. Anything but please leave him alone!” 

Keaton’s brow arched as his lips quirked up. “Anything?”

The panic curdled in Buck’s stomach and washed all over him as the weight of that question was tested out. Buck’s knees dipped under the heaviness of it. He rocked back onto his heel, fighting the look of disgust he could feel twitching into his expression. Keaton was watching him, studying him like prey again, and Buck couldn’t afford to make him upset. But if Keaton was asking for what Buck thought he was… 

He’d been used and objectified and made into nothing but a mindless fuck toy before but never like this. Never with his arm twisted behind his back and given an impossible choice. 

Eddie’s legs tried to kick out but all he managed to do was scuff the bottom of the chair on his floor. 

Maybe not so impossible. 

Definitely not impossible. 

“Y-Yes,” Buck said, feeling sick all over. “I’ll do anything. Just please don’t hurt him.”

“Come here.” 

Buck’s feet carried his leaden weight across the room to stand in front of him. Eddie was so close. Buck just had to flex his hand and he could touch him; soothe him. Maybe then he could promise him everything would be alright. But the knife was still at his throat and Keaton’s fist was still tangled in his hair. He didn’t want to set Keaton off but the skittering under his skin felt like Buck was vibrating in too fine of tremors to stop. He wanted to reach out, to touch Eddie and let the warmth of him ground Buck back down to earth, but he didn’t. 

He wouldn’t. Not if it meant hurting him. 

Buck stopped in front of Keaton and held his breath as Keaton examined his face. It was the same intense studying from before when Buck had been rescuing him from his Jeep. 

Suddenly, all Buck could think about was the way Keaton had held onto Adam’s wrist like he would take him with him if he fell. Buck couldn’t help but wonder if he’d swapped into Adam’s place. 

Keaton’s lips twitched again. “Say it.”

Buck swallowed. 

“I’ll be with you if—” Buck’s breath hitched at the back of his throat. “If you let Eddie live.”

It felt like Keaton had taken the knife and shoved it between his ribs, twisting at his heart as he said the words out loud. 

Keaton smirked and then he was letting go of Eddie to reel Buck in for another brutal kiss. 

Buck tensed for a moment before he forced himself to relax. Keaton would kill Eddie if he didn’t think Buck was into it. They were too close and Buck could feel Eddie’s burning gaze on him. But he kept himself pliant and squeezed his eyes shut as Keaton stuck his tongue in Buck’s mouth. 

Buck didn’t realize they were spinning until his back was hitting the wall with an aggressive thump that knocked the breath from his lungs in a huffed squeak and made the picture frames rattle upon impact. Keaton’s weight dropped onto him, pushing his hips against Buck’s own, and the suffocating feeling burned across Buck’s senses again like a wildfire. His body jolted but then unyielding hands wrapped around his wrists and pinned them beside his head against the wall. Keaton shoved a thigh between Buck’s legs, hard and too unmoving, and the panic surged up again before he could help it. He tried to pull away but Keaton’s teeth latched onto his lip as he ground his hips against Buck’s. 

Buck’s lungs screamed at him. He needed to breathe. He needed air. There wasn’t— 

Buck ripped his mouth away with a gasp but that didn’t seem to deter Keaton. He nipped at Buck’s jaw and mouthed at his neck before he groaned. 

It was too much. Keaton was rutting against his leg and murmuring words Buck couldn’t understand and it was too much and Buck—

Buck locked eyes with Eddie and his heart felt like it was splintering to pieces. His eyes were begging Buck to stop, his head shaking back and forth over and over again, but Buck couldn’t. 

He wouldn’t. 

But he could spare him the worst of it. 

“Ke—” Keaton’s lips silenced him again and Buck faked a moan as he sagged in his hold. The grip around his wrists turned bruising and Buck angled his hips up. Then, when he turned away, Keaton let him. “Not here.”

Keaton hummed, noncommittal and almost dark as he kissed up Buck’s jawline. 

But Buck had to do this. 

“Not here. Please…” Buck’s breath caught in his throat when Keaton bit his ear. He didn’t look at Eddie but he could see him fighting in his peripheral. He would call attention to himself and Buck needed to get Keaton as far away from him. He twisted his wrists and Keaton smirked when he felt the struggle. Buck caught his gaze and held it. “Not here. Let’s go. We-we can go to my place.”

“I want you now.” Keaton snarled and Buck fought back the instinct to recoil. Not that he could with the way he was pinned. “I’ve waited long enough.”

Eddie’s chair groaned as he yanked on his arms. 

Buck pressed up and nuzzled Keaton’s nose. 

“The car? Or-or—” Buck’s brain was struggling not to shut down and words were becoming more and more impossible to grasp. But he needed to get Keaton away from Eddie. “I-I can make it good. I’ll be so good for you. Please. Just not he—”

Keaton’s hands let go of his wrists to clamp tight on the back of Buck’s neck. Every one of his fingertips were a pressing bolt of pain and Buck couldn’t help the thin whine that slipped out from between his teeth. 

Eddie grunted out another sound, a deep growl of a noise that ruined all of Buck’s carefully constructed distraction. 

Keaton wheeled Buck around and yanked the knife free from his belt to point at a fuming Eddie. Eddie’s nostrils flared as he threw out curses that the gag smothered and Buck was trying everything he could not to tear up from the pressure at the base of his skull. 

“Eddie don’t!” Buck choked out and Keaton pointed the knife at Eddie in warning. 

But then Keaton stopped and his smirk turned smug and mocking. 

“His bed will do.”

Eddie screamed out Buck’s name until his vocal cords burned. But Buck stared back at him with a desperate resignation that pierced through Eddie’s chest and pinned him to his seat. 

Keaton dragged Buck away with Buck trying to keep his feet under him all the while directing Keaton to Eddie’s bedroom when he’d stopped to kick in Christopher’s room. 

And then they were gone and Eddie was left alone. 

He twisted at the ties around each of his wrists, pulling and tugging until he was sure he’d have sharp bruises. Flexing his fingers didn’t work and neither did the violent yank he gave to try and rip them free. 

But he had to get free! He had to! He rubbed at his cheek to try and work off the gag as he pulled as hard as he could to loosen the bindings. 

Seconds felt like hours and the longer it took for him to fight free, the more frantic his movements got when it didn’t work. 

But he had to get free! He wouldn’t let Buck do this. Not for Eddie. Not with Keaton! Not anybody! But Buck would if he thought it meant saving him and Eddie wouldn’t let that happen. He twisted and pulled and yanked and screamed until his body throbbed in time with his heart. 

But nothing would work. Keaton had gotten him from behind and Eddie had been too dazed to flex for room when he’d tied him to the chair. 

Think! Think Eddie! 

The chair was cheap. It’d been a dining room set he’d found at his abuela’s church’s co-op store. Hand me down and perfect for the two of them. Perfect for three of them now. 

Eddie didn’t let himself thinking about the empty space Buck filled that Eddie hadn’t even realized had been there. If he did, the despair would follow and Eddie refused to give in. Buck loved him. It hadn’t been a figment of his imagination. Buck loved him and Eddie was in a reality where he loved his best friend and knew it was returned. He wouldn’t give up. Not now. Not when everything he’d ever wanted was fingertips away. 

But the chair…

If he couldn’t break the binding, he could break the chair. The noise would be loud but that would mean either a neighbor would hear or Keaton would come barreling in and take his rage out on Eddie. 

This is going to hurt. The thought was flashing over Eddie’s mind like an alert but by then he was already tipping all his body weight to one side and the chair crashed to the floor. 

White hot pain sent off blast radiuses of burning along his body the moment he hit the floor. Eddie choked on it, gasping for air to try and work through it as the new pain found old sources of pain, and made them throb. 

Fuck. 

Fuck! 

The chair hadn’t broken and Eddie’s body weight plus the chair was on his arm. He tried to roll but either direction was a fresh wave of agony. His fingertips went numb and he flexed his hand over and over again to keep the feeling in them. Eddie tugged on his arms to see if the shift in gravity helped but it didn’t and he was stuck. 

Fuck. 

Buck cried out and the pain was like a bolt of lightning straight to Eddie’s heart. 

More cries followed and snarling noises as things clattered around like… like a fight. Like—

Wood splintered with a thunderous crack and Buck gasped out a huffing breath of thin panic.

Buck!

Eddie bit down on the gag and yanked on his arms again. If he had to dislocate his wrist, so be it. He had to get free. Buck was fighting and Eddie would to. He just had to—

The sharp glint of the metal caught his eye. Scissors. The smaller ones that Chris kept in his pencil bag for school that he’d lost a week ago. They were sitting so innocently on the floor, hidden by the coffee table, that Eddie could’ve cried. Maybe he did. He didn’t know. His body was buzzing with kinetic energy sparking like static in his blood and he wiggled and turned and clawed desperately at the floor as he tried to grab them. He just had to—

Buck choked as Keaton squeezed his throat before throwing him into Eddie’s room. The scent was familiar and calming the moment it hit Buck’s nose. 

The room smelled like Eddie. 

That alone was almost enough to take him out at the knees. 

Buck flinched when the door slammed shut with a decisive click of the lock. 

“There,” Keaton said, grabbing onto Buck’s head again and reeling him against him. “Now we’re alone.”

Buck’s hands went to push Keaton away but he rushed them back against the wall, pinning Buck there as he kissed him again. His arms were trapped between their chests and his knees were threatening to buckle when Keaton ground his hips against Buck’s again. He pulled away with a gasp, messy teeth clamped tight on Buck’s already swollen lips, and then ducked down to suck a spot on Buck’s neck. 

Buck forced himself not to move but the instinct to panic, to fight back, kept making his muscles twitch. 

“Do you have any idea what you’ve done to me?” Keaton asked between a vicious bite and an almost gentle lick. 

The pressure behind Buck’s eyes built and he bit down on his cheek to try and keep back the panicked noise trying to escape the knot in his throat. Either Keaton didn’t notice that it sounded too close to a sob or he didn’t care but the worst part was that Buck could tell he liked it regardless. 

“Seeing you with these lips?” Keaton growled as he captured Buck’s mouth once again. “With you looking up at me from my lap. Fuck. I’ve never wanted something so much.”

Buck shuddered at the memory; at the echo of Eddie’s shout that stopped Keaton from grabbing him during the rescue. 

Eddie. 

The room smelled like Eddie and if Buck strained to hear over the roaring of his blood in his ears then he could’ve sworn he heard him in the other room too. 

Buck was fighting not to shut down again. If he shut down then there was no one to throw themselves between Eddie and Keaton when Keaton eventually got bored with him. 

And he would. He would get bored with Buck and torment someone else, probably after he killed Buck and tossed him aside like trash. And if Buck was too gone to care then he was leaving Eddie to stand on his own. 

He’d seen Eddie alone. Sobbing in a curled up ball in that very room with a baseball bat clutched between bloody, dry wall dusted fingers. 

The baseball bat.

Buck’s eyes landed on it peaking out from under the bed where Eddie still kept it even though he’d been saying he was getting better at sleeping without it by his side at night. 

Keaton’s tongue shoved Buck’s down for dominance and Buck bit down as hard as he could before he could even think long enough to hesitate. 

Blood instantly filled his mouth and Keaton jerked back with a curse. The back hand to the face punched out all the air from his lungs when his chest met the floor.

“You piece of shit!” Keaton swore, spitting a wad of blood saliva on the floor. 

Buck didn’t care to see where it landed. He scrambled for the baseball bat. Tight hands latched onto his ankle and pulled, making something pop in the joint. Buck cried out as he was dragged back. He kicked and shoved his heel as hard as he could into Keaton’s chest. The power behind his kick, his panic, sent Keaton falling back against the door with the shuddering rattle against the door frame before it splintered beneath his weight. Buck’s numb fingers scrambled for the bat. His fingertips slipped against the black tape of the grip and it rolled further beneath the bed. But Buck lunged for it and curled his hand around it just as Keaton’s vice like grip grabbed his jeans and yanked. 

Cold air was like a shock against the too hot skin of his hips and Buck stuttered for a moment to get rid of the freezing current locking his muscles. But it was enough time for Keaton to flip Buck onto his back and drop onto his chest. 

Buck’s stomach revolted against the weight, threatening to spill the bile from earlier, but he could only wheeze and hold on for dear life as Keaton grabbed the bat. Keaton lifted him up by the bat and slammed him back down onto the ground over and over again but Buck didn’t let go. Every impact rippled from Buck’s spine into his fingertips and he held on tight to the bat. They played a game of tug of war for a span of two heartbeats before Keaton let go of one hand. He curled his arm around the bat and slammed his free hand over Buck’s throat and squeezed . 

Buck lurched at the cut off of air and Keaton dropped all his weight down on Buck’s chest. Suddenly, the fight for control turned into a fight to breathe and Buck choked as he lost his grip on the bat with one hand. Keaton yanked it free and tossed it behind him but he didn’t let go of Buck’s throat. Buck clawed at his wrists, shoving his hand against Keaton’s face, but nothing worked. He writhed beneath him as he tried to buck him off with his hips but Keaton held fast and Buck could feel the fight extinguishing in his veins. 

Blood streaked down Keaton’s chin making him look even more like a walking embodiment of a nightmare as Buck’s vision swam. Black spots crept up at the edges, stealing away his sight as the numbness spread throughout his body. 

His arms dropped down onto the floor with a muted thud and then air was rushing into his mouth and down to his lungs. Buck gagged as he sucked in a breath and the ability to breath all of the sudden made him cold all over. His vision took a second too long to come back because Keaton was lifting him off the floor by the scruff of Buck’s neck. He was talking but Buck couldn’t hear him. He couldn’t hear anything. He couldn’t see anything past the blurry film over his eyes. 

All he could smell was Eddie’s laundry detergent as his face was shoved against Eddie’s bed. 

“No—” Buck thought he said as the panic turned sharp like a blade on his brain. 

He pushed up from the bed but Keaton shoved him back and kept his hand on his the back of his neck to pin him there. Buck’s legs buckled from over the edge of the bed and he scrambled against the sheets when fingers ripped down his jeans, exposing him even more.

Buck thrashed as he bleated out one final plea.  

“Hey!”

That wasn’t Keaton and it wasn’t Buck. 

Keaton didn’t even sound human as he whirled around. 

The sound of Keaton’s head made when the baseball bat hit him was a sickening crack of wood, bones, and air whistling past his lips. The weight on top of him fell away and Buck had to suck in another mouth full of air to look. 

Eddie stood tall and furious, his teeth on full display in a snarl, as he held the baseball bat up, ready for Keaton for a second time. 

Eddie stared at Keaton’s crumbled form. His muscles were vibrating beneath his skin, coiled tight and tense as he held his baseball bat in a harsh grip that made his knuckles scream. 

He waited one moment and then another, holding his breath tight in his chest, before finally he saw Keaton’s ribs expand in a breath. 

Eddie cursed as he dropped the bat to the floor and hurried to Keaton’s side. Eddie ripped the gag that had fallen around his throat off in disgust and tossed it as he checked Keaton’s pulse. He wasn’t exactly gentle when he rolled him into a recovery position but he wasn’t about to let Keaton choke on his own blood and die in his bedroom either. 

The soft wounded sound ricocheted into Eddie’s chest and took captive his lungs. He turned on his heel and watched as Buck’s knees gave out under him. As he crumpled to the floor, Buck dragged Eddie’s bedsheet with him, his fingers twisted around the fabric until his knuckles were white. 

The pale skin of his exposed bottom half made Eddie cold all over. 

“Buck?” Eddie managed to get out and deep blue eyes pierced through him. 

Buck didn’t blink but the horror took hold of his gaze anyway. 

“Is he dead?” Buck croaked, sounding like he’d swallowed smoke. 

Eddie shook his head and the relief in Buck’s expression was brief before fear took over again. 

“E-Eddie,” Buck stuttered as he shook his head. “I’m s-sorry. I’m so sor—”

Eddie slid across the room before he could even finish. A fleeting part of his brain told him to wait, to go slow, to brace for the rejection if Buck didn’t want to be touched. But Buck told that part his brain to shut the fuck up as he leaned into Eddie’s direction and fell against him. 

Eddie ducked his nose into Buck’s hair and inhaled his scent, dizzy with the fact that it was the first clean breath of air he’d taken since his eyes cleared from the hit he’d taken to the temple. He kissed his head and ignored the wet patches of tears on his throat as Buck hid his face against him. 

Buck held Eddie just as tight and for the first in what felt like ages, Eddie started to believe that they would be alright. 

Buck didn’t handle Eddie getting taken away from him very well. 

Rationally, he understood. There were protocols in place. Paramedics kept the injured parties of an assault apart and Buck was the one with the disheveled clothes and a red bite mark on his throat above the ring of bruises already blooming in his skin. But rationality flew out the window when he saw Eddie’s hands shaking as he stepped into an ambulance and disappeared. They were shuttled off in different ambulances with Buck pulling out the LAFD card quickly so that the paramedics would at least take them to the same hospital. But it wasn’t until Athena stepped into Buck’s ER cubicle with Detective Ransome with her that anyone told him anything. 

“‘Thena!” Buck croaked, his throat burning and sore even with the IV of fluids and something for the pain. The nursing staff and then the on-call doctor had assessed to make sure none of his injuries were life threatening but they’d thrown a nasal cannula under his nose anyway with hissed oxygen blowing into his nostrils. 

Athena’s eyes widened as she took in Buck and he watched as her eyes softened around the edges. 

“Oh Buckaroo,” Athena said with a shake of her head. “We’ve got to stop meeting like this.”

“Sorry,” Buck said instinctively, plucking at the warm blanket a nurse had brought him when he couldn’t stop shaking. 

“No.” Athena’s face went fierce for a moment, hard and promising before softening again. “You’re the last person who needs to be apologizing right now. What happened to you wasn't your fault.”

Ransome nodded, his mouth set in a grim line that matched the even more gruesome scar on his throat he tried to hide with his collar and tie. 

“He was going to kill Eddie,” Buck said and was pretty proud of himself for his voice not breaking as he said the words. “He was going to kill Eddie and I told him I’d do anything. I-I agreed to it.”

“Buck,” Athena said, lifting her hand up. “You don’t have—”

“Please! Eddie didn’t do anything. He was just trying to protect me. I was the one who grabbed the bat. Ke—”

The name choked itself in Buck’s throat and he shuddered. 

“Eddie’s not in any trouble, Buck,” Ransome said. 

Buck’s gaze cut over to him. “He’s not?”

Athena shook her head. “It’s a pretty obvious case of self-defense. Chim and Hen are giving their statements about what happened at the bar and Bobby’s getting the report from the accident now to send in.” 

“There’s already a paper trail. Combined with the statements and security footage of Jacobs harassing and assaulting you at the bar tonight, this case is going to be pretty cut and dry.”

The bar. That felt like a million years away. His heart jumped against his ribs when he remembered that moment. The one where Eddie had heard something Buck had been determined to keep under lock and key for all of eternity. 

You wouldn’t have lost me. You didn’t lose me. I wanted you to mean it. 

Suddenly, the distance between him and Eddie was unbearable. Buck sat up, the blanket pooling down to his waist. “Okay so can I see him now? Please?” 

The please was only tacked on out of politeness but Buck was already trying to get his too heavy body to move. Athena was in front of him in an instant with her hands hovering over Buck’s chest without touching him. 

“Not yet, Buck.” There was something she wasn’t saying; something neither one of them were saying. Buck stared at her and then Ransome again 

Everything settled into place like a slow clicking of puzzle pieces that found a partner to hold onto. Ransome was a detective; a special victims detective. Suddenly, the nurses and doctor avoiding touching him made all the more sense. 

Buck’s hand started to tremble as a lump welled up in his throat. 

“Nothing happened,” Buck croaked. 

“You know that’s not true, Buck,” Athena said quietly. 

The panic crackled at the base of Buck’s spine again. “I agreed to it. I con—”

The word, Buck realized, would’ve been a lie and it died before it could pass his lips. 

Pressure burned behind his eyes as he shook his head. 

“He was going to kill Eddie,” Buck said again. 

“That doesn’t make any of it okay.” 

All the air in Buck’s lungs escaped out of him at once. 

“I want to make it abundantly clear, Buckley,” Ransome said, his voice gentle but business like. “You have the right to say no and we’ll listen. But I would like to get a sexual assault kit processed so I can make sure Jacobs doesn’t do this to anyone else ever again.” 

Buck flinched and dropped his gaze down to his hands. “He… he didn’t get that—”

“There’s DNA on your clothes and skin,” Athena added. 

Buck bit his lip and stared down at the bruises circling his wrists. 

He thought of Adam in the Jeep with Keaton’s beefy hand curled around his wrist. Then he thought of the way Keaton had grabbed onto his and didn’t let go; all the boundaries he had blown past. 

Buck sucked in a breath and flexed his fingers. 

He nodded. “Okay.”

“You’re entitled to a support person—”

“Eddie,” Buck said before Ransome could even finish. He looked up and tried not to take Athena’s expression as a sucker punch to the gut. A tear slipped from his eye before he could catch it and Buck shoved the heel of his palm against his face to wipe it away. “Please. I want Eddie.”

Athena softly shook her head. “He’s getting treated right now, Buck. But we can take you to him when this is over. Is there anyone else?”

Disappointment was bitter on the back of Buck’s tongue. He wanted Eddie. He needed Eddie. But he could still remember the scent of Eddie’s blood in his nose and as much as he hated it, he knew Athena was right. 

“Maddie.” 

He said it so quietly he didn’t know if he’d actually said it at all. But then Athena smiled softly at him and nodded. 

Eddie had an arm over his eyes and the lights to his room dimmed when Buck stopped in the doorway. Bobby’s head was bowed, murmuring low under his breath to Eddie as they talked too quietly for Buck to catch their words. 

Bobby clocked Buck first, looking up at him with raised brows and concern pulling on his face that made that uncomfortable itch crawl back up in his skin. It’d started when the nurses walked into his room with a camera and a kit and had yet to recede from his nerve endings. 

It would in time, Buck knew. But time didn’t really feel real just then. 

At least Maddie had brought him an extra set of clothes. He could hide the itch beneath the folds of his hoodie. 

“Someone’s here to see you,” Bobby said down to Eddie. Eddie’s arm flew off his face as he sat up in bed, alert and wide eyed, before Buck watched the self consciousness reel Eddie’s expression back in. 

“Buck?” Eddie asked like he couldn’t quite believe Buck was there. 

Buck tried not to wince as he took in the bruise seeping down Eddie’s temple into his cheek but he was pretty sure he failed. Dark circles had crept under his eyes and the corners of his mouth were chafed and raw. Even more bruises littered up his arms but aside from the stitches holding the gash on his head together, Eddie seemed whole. 

“Hey,” Buck said, his voice another croak that made his swollen throat burn even though he’d finished a round of anti-inflammatories. 

They’d tried to get him to use a wheelchair to Eddie’s room but that had been an argument Buck had won for once. But seeing Eddie alive and whole had Buck’s knees a little weak. He propped himself against the door frame and dragged his toe across the invisible line settled between them. 

Bobby cleared his throat and stood. “I’m going to let you two talk.”

Neither of them said anything as Bobby maneuvered out of the cramped space. Bobby stopped in front of Buck and clapped him on the shoulder, squeezing. After almost an hour of being treated like glass, Buck welcomed the weight of his hand like a taste of the sun. His lungs felt less tight in his chest and his feet felt more planted on the ground than they had all night. 

“I’m here when you’re ready to talk, kid.” 

Buck found himself smiling and nodded. “Thanks, Cap.”

Bobby squeezed Buck’s shoulder twice before he let go and left them alone. 

Eddie was staring at Buck, guarded and neutral, but even those barriers didn’t hide the flash of insecurity settling on his features like the bruises crawling along his jawline. There couldn’t have been more than ten feet between them but it felt like miles from each other. Miles and miles when they’d been so close before. 

Buck lifted a hand to his lips and tried to trace the outline of Eddie’s kiss again. Eddie’s eyes tracked the movement before Eddie worked his throat. 

“I’m so sorry, Buck.”

A part of Buck had been expecting it. He knew that what happened with Keaton hadn’t been his fault and he knew that he would forget that when the trauma outweighed the clarity of survival that was helping him push one foot in front of another. But with that clarity came the understanding that this— Buck— would all be too much. 

Still, Buck’s heart sank. He leaned even more against the doorframe to keep himself up and dropped his eyes down to his feet. 

“‘s okay.” 

It wasn’t. Buck’s whole body was sore and the rejection was heavy in his stomach. His fingertips tingled with the desperate need to grab out, to try to latch onto a piece of what he had with Eddie, and hold it close. But he didn’t. 

“It’s not,” Eddie said and Buck nodded. “Hey. Look at me, Buck.”

Buck would rather not but there wasn’t much he could say no to when it came to Eddie. 

Buck tore his gaze away from the floor and stared back at Eddie. 

“C’mere,” Eddie said softly, waving his hand. “I’d come to you but I can’t really sit up without getting dizzy.”

Buck shot across the room before Eddie could even try. But Eddie was stubborn when he wanted to be and he used Buck’s forearm to help lift himself up the rest of the way. 

He paled considerably and swallowed against the nausea Buck was sure was making his head spin. With his eyes squeezed shut and his nostrils flaring as he breathed, Buck couldn’t help but hold his breath in case Eddie would need more of the oxygen in the room. 

Eddie swallowed again before he peered up at Buck. 

“I’m so sorry, Buck,” Eddie said again and his knuckles were white with how tightly he was holding onto the fabric of Buck’s hoodie. “I said I would have your back and I didn’t. I let him get the drop on me. I’m sorry. I was just so excited to get home and talk and—”

Everything stopped. Buck’s mind whirled to a halting silence even though he could hear Eddie’s words through the muffled muteness in Buck’s ears. 

Eddie was apologizing because… he thought it was his fault? That wasn’t… No. No, that wasn’t right. Buck had been the one who put Eddie even on Keaton’s radar. If Buck had just dealt with his problems without dragging everyone into them, then Keaton wouldn’t have even known Eddie existed. 

“It’s my fault, Eddie,” Buck said and Eddie’s eyes turned sharp in an instant. 

“It’s not.” Defiance was rippling off him in a wave. Defiance and determination that nearly vibrated into Buck’s own skin. “It is not your fault, Buck. It’s mine.”

Buck’s mouth twisted. “How?”

“I let him do that to you.”

“ I let him do that to me. For you.” Eddie flinched and Buck reached out to cup his cheek to try and take that sting away. “I… I can’t say this is exactly a great position to be in. But there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to protect you, Eddie.”

Eddie’s breath hitched somewhere in his throat. 

“Buck…”

“I meant what I said. I’d do anything to protect you.”

Eddie scowled and shook his head. “I don’t want you to.”

“I don’t care,” Buck said simply because for him, it was. It was that simple and the realization kind of rocked his world a little bit. Maybe that was something he should talk about. In therapy with everything else maybe. But for Buck it was simple. “I’m in love with you, Eddie. That’s never going to change for me. I’d understand if this was too much but—”

Buck’s chin started to drift and Eddie reached up to snatch it so that Buck couldn’t look away from him. 

“You are never too much. Never.” 

Eddie’s fingers softened. His thumb drifted up to caress the corner of Buck’s mouth and something warm bloomed in his chest where he’d been so cold again. Eddie smiled at him and Buck reached out to pluck at the collar of his shirt. 

“We were being stupid again, weren’t we?” Buck asked and Eddie made a hum that rumbled from his chest. Buck felt it through his fingertips and shivered. 

“I think so.” 

Eddie slipped his hands around Buck’s waist and pulled him into the space between his legs. He hooked his ankles around Buck’s calves, moving slowly but clearly, and Buck needed slow. He did. But he also needed Eddie to remind him that he wasn’t made of glass. That Keaton didn’t break him. 

Buck carded his fingers through Eddie’s hair and felt the sigh Eddie let out all the way through to his lungs. 

Eddie ducked his head to press against Buck’s chest. His head wasn’t quite to Buck’s heart but it was close enough and he kissed where he could anyway. 

“Buck?” Eddie murmured so Buck felt his name rather than heard it. He peered up at Buck again, squinting against the angle but too stubborn to look away. ”Just so we’re abundantly clear, I’m in love with you also and I’d do anything to protect you too.”

Eddie took Buck’s breath away. Swooning sounded stupid but Eddie and the bed took Buck’s weight so maybe he was. Swooning. It made him feel… big. Big and small and solid in all the best ways. 

Eddie loved him. 

Hearing that was like hearing his own name for the first time. 

Buck exhaled. 

“Yeah?

Eddie closed his eyes and Buck stared at the tiny freckle he was obsessed with. 

“Yeah.” Eddie nodded. 

And then Buck started to believe that maybe they would be okay.