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When Mildred had agreed to go to the oyster bar with Gwendolyn, she did not expect to end up in a women’s bar. She experienced mixed feelings. She was angry at Gwendolyn for assuming she was- she was like that; she was outraged even. But at the same time, she sort of was happy that someone was interested in her like that. So she left, as always. It was the only thing she could do. It was the only thing she knew how to do. She even slept with a man, her neighbour, to prove her wrong. But all she could think about was Gwendolyn, and it was maddening. She couldn’t stop thinking about her. Sadly for her, Gwendolyn was not the kind to give up halfway through the game. She pushed and pushed and pushed Mildred further to accept what was really going on between them. One day, Gwendolyn asked Mildred out once more. Mildred had thought for a long time about this, and she felt like she was ready, so she said yes. Little did Mildred know this evening was going to be the beginning of problems. She did not know how, but the governor had found out about Gwendolyn’s “interest” in Mildred and had asked policemen to follow the nurse wherever she went. There’s no doubt Mildred was shocked to see the police that night, at the bar. And just to make it worse, Gwendolyn had been targeted and arrested. Mildred didn’t even go into the bar that night.
The next day, Mildred was asked to come into Betsy’s office.
“You wanted to see me?” She said when she had closed the door behind her.
“Yes, sit down please. The governor’s secretary was arrested in a women’s bar last night and the governor wants to make an example out of her. You are to be in charge of her, until… Well until you know what.”
“Oh,” was all Mildred could say. She left after Betsy gave her Doctor’s Hanover last indications.
When Gwendolyn arrived, she was covered in bruises and wounds. Mildred led the two policemen that were firmly holding Gwendolyn to the room, a bunch of nurses following closely behind.
“You should tie her to the bed, she’s fighting like a lioness!” laughed one of the policemen. Mildred glared at him, disgusted. “Well, we’ll be leaving.” And so, both men left after the nurses had tied Gwendolyn up on the orders of Dr Hanover.
“Are you okay Mrs Briggs?" asked Mildred once everyone left, leaving the two women alone.
“Do I look okay?” angrily answered the blond woman. Mildred looked down, playing with her fingers.
“Did they do this to you?” she finally asked after some time, pointing the bruises and wounds on Gwendolyn’s body.
“Sorry to be the one to break it to you, Mildred, but people in prison are not nice with people like me. And where were you last night? I thought you had come to peace with yourself. Was it just bullshit?” Mildred was about to cry when Gwendolyn continued. “Anyway, thank you very much for standing me up. I guess you dobelieve what they say about us” Mildred frowned, so Gwendolyn clarified. “I am not mentally ill, Mildred, and I don’t need Jesus’ recovery or any stupidly dangerous bath or electroshock.”
“I’m coming to understand that, yes.”
“Then why are you treating me like this? If you believe so, then why are you just giving me false hopes? If you’re not interested just say it and stop messing around with me”
“I-” Mildred was breathing erratically. “Sorry.” she whispered before leaving, almost running.
The next day, Gwendolyn had not said a word to no one when Mildred came in her room. Gwendolyn instantly understood what was going to happen to her. “Bath?” she asked.
“Electroshocks” corrected Mildred. Gwendolyn sighed, and the nurse let her that moment to prepare herself. Then she freed her from her ties and led her to the therapy room.
“Hello Mrs Briggs” said Dr Hanover with a small smile. “Sit down please” he said, pointing to the chair in the middle of the room. When she was sat, he tied her ankles and arms to the chair. He nodded at Mildred, she then closed the door and switched off the light. He switched on the projector and then put the suction pads here and there on Gwen’s body. Mildred put a handkerchief in her mouth. “We’re going to show you photographs of women, and we’re going to turn on the electroshocks.” started the man. “That way, at each photograph, your brain will understand that being attracted to women is amoral. On the long term, each time you will see a woman, you will remember the pain and thus, little by little, you will be cured. Do you understand?” Gwendolyn nodded; eyes closed to restrain her tears from falling. “Then we shall begin. Mildred, please.” He showed her to the projector. Mildred took a deep breath before putting the first photograph in.
Mildred and another nurse were holding Gwendolyn from under the arms, bringing her back to her room. Gwendolyn was not unconscious, but she wasn’t there either. Once she was put on her bed and under the blankets, the other nurse left, leaving Mildred alone to finish.
“I am so sorry Gwendolyn” she said, trying to hold back her tears but failing, as her tears became sobs. “I am so sorry” she repeated, like a mantra. She spent at least 10 minutes there, apologising, before getting up and leaving once her job was done.
She directly went to the reception and took the phone. She searched “Trevor Briggs” in the directory. Once she had found his number, she called him.
“Trevor Briggs” he said, picking up.
“Um” She cleared up her throat. “Hello Mr Briggs. I am Mildred Ratched, nurse at Lucia State Hospital. Your- um- Gwendolyn is here. Please I-” she stopped a moment to try and control her tears, coming back. Trevor, on the other side, heard her erratic breath. “Come get her please, she doesn’t fit in here.”
“Okay but- what is she doing there?” Mildred took a deep breath before speaking.
“She was arrested in a women’s bar and- the governor- he wants to make an example out of her. Please, Mr Briggs, get her out of here.”
“I’m coming right away.” He said, almost interrupting Mildred in her sentence, before hanging up.
He arrived 10 minutes later. When he was at the reception, Mildred come to meet him.
“Mr Briggs?” she asked.
“Yes, Mildred Ratched?” She nodded and led him to his wife’s room. As soon as he got into the room, he ran to her. “Gwendolyn? Oh my god Gwendolyn.” he breathed, caressing her hair. “What have they done to you, my dear Gwendolyn?”.
“Trevor?” she asked, in a daze. “You found me” she continued, relieved.
“Yes, yes I found you” he said, tears rolling down his cheeks. “I am so sorry for finding you this late.” He wiped his tears away. “Let’s get you home, Gwen”. Mildred helped him to pack her things quickly. He took her bag in one hand, Gwendolyn in the other and got out. On his way out, he crossed path with Dr Hanover.
“What are you doing?” asked Dr Hanover.
“What do you think I’m doing??” he yelled. “I am taking my wife back home, out of this nightmare!”
“Sir you cannot take her like that” he said as he tried to prevent Trevor from going towards the exit.
“I can’t?” he said, looking at him right in the eyes. “Watch me”
With that, he left, pushing everyone out of his way. When he had passed the door, he yelled. “You better be prepared; I am a lawyer and I am coming after you!”
Mildred opened his car door on the passenger’s side and then closed it when he had put Gwendolyn on the seat.
“Thank you, Nurse Ratched” he said, truly thankful. She nodded and watched the car as it left the hospital grounds.
One week later
Mildred stopped the engine when she was at a reasonable distance from the house. She played with the end of her coat as she was getting more and more nervous. She took a deep breath before exiting her car and walking towards the house. As she was on the small path towards the house, Trevor was getting out. “Oh, hello” he said when he turned around and saw Mildred.
“Hello Mr Briggs” she said, with a small polite smile. “Getting out?” she asked to stay polite.
“No, actually I am moving out. Gwen and I decided to get a divorce.”
“Oh, really? I am so sorry.”
“Oh, don’t be” he laughed. “I am not sure I should be saying this but, this marriage was just a cover for us. But I met someone, and she told me about someone too before getting into that hospital so… It’s in everyone’s interests.”
Mildred lowered her head, she was ashamed. Because she knew she was that someone Gwendolyn had talked to Trevor about, but she also knew that Gwen was super mad after all that happened.
“Well, I guess I should be wishing you good luck, Mr Briggs.”
“Thank you, Mrs Ratched, have a good day!”
She smiled at him as he walked past him. She only resumed walking when he was gone and out of sight. She went to the door, took a deep breath, and knocked.
“Trevor, what in god’s name have you forgotten?” she heard through the door. But when Gwendolyn opened, it was not Trevor. “Oh” she said.
“Hello” spoke Mildred with a shy smile. “Can I come in?”
Gwendolyn didn’t seem particularly happy to see her, but she moved to leave some space for Mildred to come in.
“How are you doing?” Mildred asked when she was sat on a sofa. “Are you feeling better?”
“Yes, much better, thank you.” harshly said Gwendolyn, still standing up near the coffee table. She looked right in Mildred’s brown eyes with a fed-up expression. “Well, I don’t know if I should be thanking you but…” she left her sentence pending.
“Gwendolyn, I-” tried Mildred, her voice shivering with emotion.
“Oh, ‘cause now you’re calling me Gwendolyn?” she interrupted. “Very good, Mildred, very good! Especially after sending me through electroshocks and hydrotherapy.” she almost yelled, incapable of stopping the anger.
“And what did you expect me to do? Lose my job?” she answered, her voice firmer.
“Well, I don’t know, maybe, just maybe, you could have done the same with me as you did with Mrs Cartwright and Blix?” she angrily answered. “You seem concerned about them, or was it just Nurse Huck? Did you follow him blindly because you wanted to impress him?”
“You’re being mean” whispered Mildred, hurt.
“Oh, sorry Mildred” she said, clearly not meaning it. “I know you called Trevor, and I truly am grateful for that, but you could’ve done it before my brain was transformed into a vegetable by this stupid doctor whose as much a doctor as I am a nun!”
“I am sorry, Gwendolyn!” Mildred cried. “I didn’t think he would start your treatment this early, if I had known, I would have done something way before!” There was no stopping her tears now. “I truly am sorry for not being provident enough, and I hope I had been able to see the police behind me on my way to the bar and-” She couldn’t finish her sentence that Gwendolyn was talking again.
“Wait- what?” her eyes were wide open in shock. “You led them to the bar the night we were supposed to meet?”
“I didn’t know Gwendolyn!”
“Oh, Jesus…” she sighted
“I promise you, I-” she wiped her tears away. “I don’t know why they were following me but- I wish I saw it and- and-” she couldn’t finish her sentence, she started crying. “Please Gwendolyn.”
Gwendolyn crossed her arms on her torso, mentally forcing herself to stay at a fair distance from Mildred. “Well, whether you led them or they followed you, it does not matter anymore.”
“It doesn’t?” she asked, hopeful.
“It doesn’t. But don’t get too happy.”
“Wh-why?”
“I am dying Mildred” she let out, even though she did not want to.
“What do you mean you’re dying?” the nurse asked, suddenly terrified.
“I-” She was about to say something when Mildred almost jumped on her.
“Are you hurt?” she asked, checking Gwen from head to toe. “Did you get into a fight? Did someone start a fight with you?”
“No, no, Mildred” Gwen said, pushing Mildred away. “No one fought, and it is not a visible problem.”
“What happened then?” Mildred asked, her hands held by Gwen’s so she couldn’t touch her anymore.
“I-” she sighed. “Trevor took me to the doctor after we left the hospital. To make an official report of my wounds and bruises made by the police and what had been done to me in the hospital.”
“So, he was serious about suing the hospital.”
“Yes, he was.” She let go of Mildred’s hands and put her own on her hips. She closed her eyes for a moment before resuming. “He ran a series of test on me, x-rays, palpation, photographs, etc. One x-ray came back, one of my upper body, and it turns out I-” Gwen couldn’t finish her sentence. It was too hard.
“Gwen?” Mildred came closer, cautiously putting her hands on Gwen’s cheeks. The politician raised her head, Mildred’s heart broke into thousands of pieces when she saw the tears in her eyes.
“I have breast cancer, Mildred, and I don’t have long.”
“What?” Mildred said, her stomach hurting because of stress, because of despair.
“I have a tumour in my left breast and the doctor gave me three months at best.” She said, not even trying to hide she was crying. She was tired, exhausted even.
“We’re going to find someone, Gwen, I promise”
“Mildred no, I have had enough of false promises.”
“These are not empty words.” She stroke away Gwen’s tears with her thumbs. “I will find a doctor who is able to cure you, I swear Gwendolyn I am going to cure you if it is the last thing I do.” She put her arms around the blond woman’s waist and pulled her closer. She held her for what felt like an eternity. When Gwendolyn was calm enough, she moved away.
“Do you want to drink something?” she asked to Mildred.
And that is how their life almost together started. Mildred moved in with Gwendolyn to help her in her everyday life, but they slept in separate beds, almost never touching each other. Gwendolyn wouldn’t allow it. She was going to die and she didn’t want Mildred to get used to her, or to get too strongly attached to her, because she was convinced she was going to die and she wanted to prepare Mildred for that day.
Two months and a half later.
Mildred had found a doctor in Mexico. And God knows how she was able to convince Gwen to give it a shot. It had not been easy, but she did it, and she couldn’t be happier. Because even though it was hard, Gwen was getting treated.
One day, Gwen woke up in a good mood, and Mildred saw it immediately.
“Hey” the nurse said, smiling.
“Hello” yawned Gwen.
“I made you some hot chocolate” She handed her the warm cup. Gwen sat down on the chair and took it.
“Thank you”
They had breakfast in silence. When Gwen was done, she washed everything in the sink and then laid everything down to dry.
“Do you want me to go to the grocery store?” Gwen asked out of the blue.
“Umm, yes, why not.” Mildred answered, caught off guard.
“Okay” Gwen smiled. “Write down everything you need. I will buy what I need to make us some French pastries.” Mildred nodded. “I am going to get dressed.”
She came back with a light colourful shirt, a pair of Bermuda shorts, her usual white scarf around her bald head, and a straw hat. She took Mildred’s list, put her sandals and sunglasses on before going out. Mildred sighted once Gwendolyn was gone. How long is this going to last? She was tired of staying professional with Gwen, it was so hard when all she wanted was to kiss her and hug her and tell her how much she loved her. She decided she’d give it a go while helping Gwendolyn to put everything away. She was deep into her book when there was a knock on the door. She got up and opened the door.
“Yes?”
“Hello” the woman said, smiling brightly. “I’m sorry to disturb you but I got lost on the way. I am just here in vacation with -um- a friend and I have no idea of to get back to my motel.”
“Sorry ma’am I won’t be able to help much-” Mildred said as she was closing the door. The unknown woman prevented her from closing the door with her foot.
“Wait!” she said, opening the door widely, Mildred was staring at her. Unbelievable, she thought. “I think you don’t understand” she said with the same irritating smile. “I saw you with your friend on the beach and, I know who she is, and - ummm.” She looked around to check for unwanted ears. “I am like you” she said whispering.
“And?” Mildred’s voice was getting sharper as she was slowly losing her patience.
“Well, I thought maybe, you and I could-”
“I’m back Mildred” Gwendolyn said sharply, clearly not liking what was going on, pushing the woman out of her way. “Oh, sorry, didn’t see you there” she lied with a fake smile.
She got into the house without looking at the nurse. Mildred turned around to look at her. Oh no, she thought, this isn’t starting well.
“I am sorry ma’am, but I am not interested” Mildred quickly said. “Goodbye.” And at that she closed the door. “Hey Gwendolyn” she was almost running to her. “How did it go?”
“Not as well as you I see” Gwendolyn said, clearly jealous.
“You cannot say something like that when you are the one avoiding me the second I get too close” Mildred said frowning at Gwen’s own bad faith.
Gwendolyn mumbled a response, it made Mildred sigh.
“Gwendolyn?” Mildred called. The other woman was clearly ignoring her. “Gwendolyn, put that aside.” she said, pulling the flour out of Gwendolyn’s hands. “Look at me.” She took her chin and forced the blonde woman to look at her. Gwen’s eyes were full of tears. “What is going on Gwen? Tell me.” she said, her hands on Gwendolyn’s arms.
“It’s nothing” she answered, sniffling, watching her feet.
“Stop lying to me.” She was firm but nice.
“Please” Gwendolyn’s voice was shivering.
“No Gwendolyn, it is enough. You tell me what is going on right now”
“I’m sorry” she said, wiping her eyes. “I shouldn’t be like this with you.” Mildred was waiting for something else, but her friend stayed quiet.
“Seriously Gwen, you really have to stop this. I am not invisible, and I do care about you. Stop pushing me away, I am here for you, don’t you understand?” She put her hand on Gwen’s chin to make her raise her head. “I am here.” Her voice shattered, and she felt like she was about to break. She’s had enough, she wanted Gwen to trust her and open up to her. “Stop withdrawing into yourself and talk to me!” When she saw Gwen closing her eyes she knew it wasn’t enough. “Why do you avoid me?”
“I am not avoiding you”
“Stop lying” she said harshly. Gwen was startled by Mildred’s tone.
“Can’t you understand Mildred?” she raised her voice, pushing Mildred away. “I am going to die! And even though the doctor and I are trying our best, there are still good chances I don’t make it” At this point, there was a river flooding out of her eyes. “And I can’t do this to you. You deserve better, you deserve so much more,than I can give you right now. That way, when I die, you will be protected.”
“Are you stupid or what?” She said walking toward Gwendolyn. “It is already too late, I care too much about you!” She took a deep breath to remain calm. She resumed, calmer: “I love you, Gwen. And keeping on pushing me away will not change that. It only makes it worst, really. If you really die, like you say, I will only be more disappointed because I didn’t get to be with the woman I love. Because I didn’t get to love her the way she deserves until the end. Please, stop pushing me away. Wouldn’t it be better to have someone who cares for you?”
Gwen was shyly smiling through her tears.
“It would be better indeed. But-”
“There’s not ‘buts’” Mildred interrupted. She came close, smiling, her hands around Gwen’s cheeks. “I love you and that’s all.”
“I love you too” Gwen answered, moving her hands to Mildred’s waist.
And then, after months of tension, want and restrain, they finally kissed. A salutary kiss. At first, it was a calm, shy kiss. But then they wanted more, always more. Everything became blurred in pleasure. One tongue asking access to one mouth, tongues getting curled up, greedy for more. An explosion of emotions, of pleasure, of relief.
After a while, they parted.
“Wow” Gwen said.
“Wow” Mildred repeated. They were both smiling widely. They both leaned in for another kiss. For better or for worse.