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No matter how often they’ve been doing this together now, Kate always found herself dazed and confused as she was thrown to the mat by her very small girlfriend. She had made Lucy swear not to take it easy on her, as if Lucy knew the meaning of the word.
Kate laid there and tried to reclaim the breath that had been knocked out of her.
“See, just like that. You can’t hesitate, you just have to go for it.” Lucy told her.
“I don’t see how kicking the shit out of me daily helps me become a better fighter.” Kate groaned playfully. Because truthfully, she was having a great time.
Lucy smirked proudly. “You have to learn not to always try to use your size as an advantage, because most of the time you won’t be fighting someone so much smaller than you. You need to focus on your strengths and learn to use their size against them.”
Kate nodded because she did understand. Vaguely. In theory.
She raised her hands to have Lucy pull her up, but when Lucy reached for her, Kate pulled Lucy down on top of her and held her in place. Not that Lucy had tried too hard to get back up.
“I think we should focus on some groundwork.” Kate smirked.
Lucy’s gaze darkened as she straddled Kate’s waist. Then she leaned down toward her, pecked her on the lips and then maneuvered them so that she was behind Kate and held her in a reverse seatbelt grip before she put her in a headlock. Kate only knew the correct terminology because Lucy liked to demonstrate on her in a very unprofessional way. In Kate’s humble opinion anyway. At least, Kate felt like it was unprofessional, because the physicality of the workout always led to other physical and hands on types of workouts.
Her mind drifted to all of their recent mind-blowing sex and she forgot to tap out until she started to choke and frantically tapped the mat.
Lucy immediately released her and looked at her with remorse and concern. “Are you okay?”
Kate rolled her eyes at herself. “I need to keep my mind in the game.”
“You do, Kate. This is important stuff. Someday, your life could depend on it.”
Kate stared at her and nodded. Then her mouth spoke before her mind caught up with her.
“Move in with me.”
Kate’s eyes widened as Lucy’s mouth dropped open. Kate’s instinct was to retract her statement. Her demand. But she found that she didn’t want to take it back. She meant it. She wanted to take this next step. She wanted this and so much more with Lucy.
“Wow. I think I deprived you of too much oxygen. You’re not thinking properly.”
Kate shook her head fervently. “I’m sure. I mean it. We’re basically living together anyway with how often you’re at my place. Don’t you want to wake up together every morning? Share our coffee on the deck while you make us ridiculously too much food to eat.”
Lucy smiled at her and kissed her chastely. “I’ll move in if you actually pin me. Take me down once. Show me that you have somehow retained any of the lessons we’ve been practicing for weeks.”
Kate smirked. “You’re on!”
She loved a challenge. She also loved cocky Lucy and couldn’t wait to wipe the smirk off her face.
It took another half an hour and they were both thoroughly exhausted as Kate straddled Lucy on the mat. “Say it. Say you’ll move in.”
Lucy was breathing hard as Kate’s eyes darkened with desire. It was sensual and playful. But she also needed to hear Lucy say it. She needed to have them take this next step forward together.
“I’ll move in with you.” Lucy told her as her breathing evened out. But you have to stop trying to get me to surf with you. I already agreed to swim lessons at the kiddie pool. That’s it. That’s as far as I’ll compromise on that.”
“Deal!” Kate smiled and leaned in to kiss her.
Lucy quickly reversed their positions as she pinned Kate beneath her. “Now, we should go home and finish this there. Because the things I want to do to you, I don’t particularly want an audience for.”
KCKCKCKC
Kate was so nervous. No, she was scared. She was about to go on her first undercover mission and she was terrified of messing it up. She didn’t have a whole lot of field experience, and the last time she attempted to help Lucy’s team like this, she ended up with a concussion and her arm in a sling. That whole experience was regrettable, but things could have gone so much worse. What if she screwed up like that again? What if she put others in danger because of her inexperience?
“Okay, ready? Let me see it?” Lucy asked from the couch beside her.
Kate jumped slightly at the intrusion to her spiraling thoughts. She glanced at Lucy, who looked with so much adoration and interest that instantly calmed her and made her smile. She leaned into Lucy and kissed her because she could. She loved that she could. She loved that she could do a lot of things whenever she wanted now that they were back together. Basically, she simply loved everything about Lucy. She loved Lucy, even though she hadn’t really said it again after her grand gesture and love confession a few months back. They were taking things slow and doing things right this time. Or at least, that’s what she kept telling herself to explain away the fact that Lucy hadn’t told her she loved her back. She forgave her. She took another chance on her. But Kate could tell that there was a part of Lucy that was still something holding back. A part that Lucy must have been protecting from Kate this time around. Not that Kate could blame her, but that didn’t stop her from feeling bad about it. About wishing she had done things the right way the first time around.
Lucy pulled away from the kiss with furrowed brows and a frown. “You’re distracted.”
“Sorry.”
“No. Don’t…” Lucy sighed and ran her hands through her own hair. “You’re nervous about the assignment. I should have realized that since it’s your first time going undercover.” Lucy scooted closer to her and took one of Kate’s hands in both of hers. “We’ll be on comms the whole time. We won’t let anything happen to you. I won’t let anything happen to you. Besides, you won’t need us. You’ve got this. You’re strong and brave and intelligent and ridiculously sexy.”
Kate blushed and looked down at their linked hands. She twisted her hand around until her palm was up and then laced her fingers easily through Lucy’s. It felt good. It felt right.
“I don’t think being sexy is going to assist me on this mission.” Kate breathed out as she locked eyes with Lucy. “But I appreciate you saying it.”
Lucy smiled at her brightly. Her eyes twinkled with delight and mirth. “You never know what assets will work for each given situation. You have to be prepared to work with what you have.”
“Special Agent Lucy Tara, are you suggesting something untoward?”
“Untoward?” Lucy smirked as she leaned in and claimed Kate’s lips again. “See, sexy and smart.”
Kate nearly lost herself in the kiss, but her mind was wreaking havoc on what could have been the start to the very best kind of distraction.
She pulled away reluctantly. “You really think it’ll be okay?”
Lucy met her eyes and stared at her seriously. “I think that no matter what happens, you’ll get through it. I think you’re capable of anything you set your mind to. And I promise that on my end, I won’t let anything happen to you. Okay? I’ll always have your back. We’ll get through this. And then we’ll pick this back up where we had to leave off.”
“Promise?”
Lucy leaned in, but instead of kissing her, she wrapped her arms around Kate and held her tightly. Securely. Kate relaxed within Lucy’s strong hold.
“Promise you’ll come back home to me. That you will fight like hell if you have to to get yourself back to me.” Lucy whispered fiercely. “And I promise to do everything in my power to help you through it. Always.”
Kate gripped her tighter. There’s that word again. Always. Not quite the “I love you” that Kate had been craving, but a promise all the same. A promise of a future. Of forever. It was close enough for now. It was good enough for now.
Slowly, she pulled away and raised her hands to remove the towel from her newly dyed locks. Her hair was still damp and she had yet to look at the results.
“So? What’s the verdict?” She asked Lucy hesitantly.
“Honestly?”
“Oh god! That bad?” Kate asked, mortified.
Lucy shook her head and cupped her hands on Kate’s cheeks to pull her in closer.
“As if you could ever look bad.” Lucy replied softly and with reverence. “I told you already how amazing I think you are. But have I really not told you how beautiful I find you?”
Kate’s heart rate spiked as she released a shaky breath. “You…” She didn’t respond further because the way that Lucy was looking at her with so much desire took her breath away.
Kate could have given in to her own desire and worked out her nervousness in an entirely more exciting way, but she knew she couldn’t afford the distraction now–no matter how much she wanted it.
Kate swallowed thickly and let out a ragged breath.
"Do you really think I can do this?" She questioned again.
"I think you can do anything." Lucy reassured her once more. She sounded sincere and she looked at her in the way Kate had relished these past several months.
Kate nodded resolutely. She was nervous. And a bit scared. But she could do this. She was capable. She was prepared and most of all, she wouldn't be alone.
KCKCKCKC
Kate let out a sigh of relief when the plane finally landed, but she didn't relax until she saw Lucy rush toward her. When she felt Lucy's strong arms embrace her, she collapsed into her and let herself be held. It amazed her, even now, how much comfort she got from just being in Lucy's presence.
As she felt most of the tension leave her body, she absent-mindedly breathed out, "He's dead. I killed him."
Lucy's grip on her tightened and she whispered back. "I know. I saw him on my way to you." Then she stepped away and her eyes found Kate's. "I'm not going to ask if you're okay…because how could you be? But…are you hurt? Anywhere else?"
Kate frowned. "Anywhere else?"
Lucy reached up and gently touched her face, but the light pressure still made Kate wince.
"You're bleeding. And it looks like you have a few cuts." Lucy said as Kate leaned into her touch despite the pain.
“I did what you said. No hesitation. I just went for it and used his size against him.” Kate told Lucy and stood up straighter when Lucy’s concern was tempered with pride.
“See, I knew you could do it.” Lucy said. Her eyes never left Kate’s.
Kate let Lucy take her in. She knew that Lucy needed reassurance that Kate was safe. That she was alive. She always did the same thing whenever Lucy got hurt in the field. As she stood there letting Lucy fuss over her, it all rushed back to her. The fight. How close she came to never feeling Lucy's fingers caress her skin again. How close she came to never seeing her beautiful face again. How close she came to truly losing everything and the way she fought like hell to survive it. To keep her promise. To be here now, like this, with Lucy.
"I love you." Kate breathed out as she closed her eyes briefly.
Then she opened them again and rather than staring at Lucy forever like she wanted to, her gaze wandered to the dead body on the floor behind her. She couldn't help thinking of Noah at that moment. Laying there. Dead. Alone. She wondered if anyone had been there for his final moments. If anyone held him as his life left his body. She hoped so. She prayed he had found peace at the end. She hadn't expected to be so affected by what she had done. She hadn't expected that watching someone die, someone who was killed by her own hand, would make losing Noah feel so raw–like she was losing him all over again.
She didn't realize she was shaking until Lucy held her hand and guided her away from the body. She let Lucy lead her off the plane. The fresh air did her some good, but it didn't erase the ghastly images from her mind. She was mostly dazed as she was greeted by Lucy's team. She remembered nodding at them and she felt their comforting hands on her. She felt Jane's warm hand on her forearm and registered the concerned but relieved look in her eyes even if she didn't register any of the words that were spoken to her.
Soon, she was sitting in the back of an ambulance again as she was bandaged up. She vaguely felt a sense of deja vu, but didn't comment on it. Didn’t remember why.
"I had to do it. He wouldn't stop." Kate whispered when she was alone with Lucy again.
"I know."
"He didn't die right away. He was just…he was lying there and I had to…watch…" Kate trailed off.
Lucy rubbed up and down Kate's back in a way that grounded her to the present moment. She was in the back of an ambulance with Lucy, not on the plane fighting for her life.
She looked at Lucy. Really took her in. "You're beautiful."
Lucy shook her head and rolled her eyes. "You're in shock."
"Probably. But you're still beautiful."
They were quiet for a moment. She didn't think she wanted silence right now because her thoughts were too loud. She talked just to fill space and idly wondered if that was why Lucy was so talkative. She wondered what Lucy always had on her mind. She wanted to know everything. To hear it all. But that's not what she told Lucy.
Instead, she said, "I sat with him. While he was dying. I know…I know the things he did. I know what he would have done to all of us, but…I couldn't let him die scared and alone. I couldn't…"
Lucy hugged her. She kissed her temple and her neck and nuzzled into her.
"You are the most amazing person I've ever known." Lucy told her.
"Everything is different now." Kate knew it was true as she said it. She felt different already.
She didn't want the darkness to consume her. She wouldn't allow herself to hide away or build up walls like the last time the darkness came for her. She was different now. But she was also stronger than she was before.
"It is." Lucy confirmed. "But different doesn't have to mean bad. We'll get through this together just like we've gotten through everything else."
Kate believed her. Not just because she wanted to or needed to, but because the conviction in Lucy's voice brokered no room for argument.
Lucy never left her side. Not during the police interviews and debriefings. Not when Kate’s own team showed up to check on her. Lucy drove them back to their house and helped Kate shower the blood and the regrets of the day off her skin. She kissed each wound gently and helped her dry off and get dressed. She led Kate to the kitchen and helped re-bandaged her facial cuts. Then she poured them some wine and turned on some soft music.
Kate was quiet through it all. Her mind wouldn't stop racing though. She needed to find a way to calm it. To distract herself. To find a way to borrow some of Lucy's strength until she regained her own. She searched Lucy’s face, drinking her in as if she hadn’t already memorized every aspect of her. It was the way she had come to understand Lucy so well over the last few months of re-learning each other that she saw something distinct in Lucy’s eyes. It wasn’t the adoration or concern or desire or even the encouragement from before. It was gone in a flash, but Kate was sure that she saw it: Anguish. Pain. Heartbreak.
She searched her mind for what could have transpired between them in the last few minutes that would warrant such an emotion from Lucy and then it hit her all at once. The parallels. The glaring contradictions. Today was Kate’s first undercover mission and she had been terrified, but she had Lucy to calm her. To ground her. She had her girlfriend’s support to give her strength to get through it. Lucy had sought out the same thing on her first undercover mission. She had gone to Kate’s because she must have been just as nervous and terrified, only to open the door and find Cara. Lucy had had to go into what may have been the scariest moment of her life heartbroken and alone.
“I’m sorry.” Kate whispered with shame. She felt even more guilty than she had that fateful night.
“For what? You kept your promise. You came back to me. You’re safe.” Lucy said as she stepped into Kate and held her tightly as if relieved that her statement was true.
Kate took a deep, steadying breath as she allowed herself to be held by Lucy for a bit longer. Then she stepped away and looked at her with sincerity and understanding.
“I’m sorry that it took me until this moment to realize just how much I truly hurt you by what I did.”
Lucy frowned at her. “Kate, you already apologized and I’ve already forgiven you.”
“Yes. But that night…when you went out on that mission…I can’t imagine how much worse it must have been for you after what happened between us. And if that distraction had…if you had…” Kate couldn’t finish that train of thought because she refused to think about how close she could have been to losing Lucy forever that night.
“But I didn’t. I’m fine.”
Kate noticed the pause on the word “fine”; the way Lucy stumbled on the word. “Are you? Are you really?”
Lucy sighed and took a couple of steps backward. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, but said nothing.
“The truth. Please, tell me.” Kate begged. “Because…I just took someone’s life. To save my own. To save everyone on that plane. I did what had to be done, I know that. But still…” She swallowed thickly as tears pricked at her eyes. “All I can think is that someone died. And yes, he was not a good man. And yes, he could have killed all of us. But…Noah also died…someone took my brother away from me. In that moment, that person killed my brother so he could live. And now…” Kate was once again wrapped tightly in Lucy’s arms as Lucy rubbed up and down her back to comfort her. To calm her.
“It’s not the same thing, Kate. You’re not…” Lucy paused and huffed out a breath on Kate’s collarbone that made her shiver. “I’m not going to lie to you. Taking another life sucks every time. It doesn’t get easier. Even if you do it to save yourself or others, it always sucks. And honestly, I still have nightmares sometimes. And I can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now with everything it’s bringing up about Noah. Losing him the way you did and then having to watch someone else die in front of you, it’s…Kate, it’s going to take a lot of work.” Lucy raised her head and looked up at Kate. “I won’t lie about that. Even after seeing someone to help me with the guilt and the trauma of it, I’m still doing a lot of work on it. You’re going to have to do a lot of work too. It’s not something that’s easy to get over. But you don’t have to do it alone. I’m here. I’ll always be here.”
Always. Usually that word is soothing to Kate. But tonight, for some reason, it didn’t feel like enough. She closed her eyes because she didn’t want Lucy to see the disappointment when she had been trying to encourage her.
Kate let her mind wander because this conversation was too hard. But her mind wasn’t all that helpful. She started to once again think about the differences in this moment versus when Lucy had killed someone for the first time after nearly being killed in the process. Likely, the worst night of Lucy’s life, made worse by Kate confronting her and bringing up the Cara thing and them when what Lucy must have needed was support, compassion and understanding.
“Nope. Do not apologize again. We discussed this. You don’t have to keep rehashing something that I’ve moved on from.” Lucy told her sternly which made Kate redirect her attention back to her.
“Have you? Because there are things we still haven’t talked about. We’ve been taking things slow, and I’m fine with following your lead here, because I want you to be comfortable with this. I want you to want the same things I do and I’m okay with the fact that it will take you more time to get there. I am, but…”
Lucy studied her carefully before interrupting, “You’re taking my lead? I thought I was taking yours? Going at your pace. You’re the one who I assumed needed to get used to all of this. I pushed you too hard last time. Too fast. I expected things from you that I had no right to ask of you, not yet. I’ve been trying to be careful not to make those same mistakes this time.”
Kate frowned. “Lucy, you weren’t the one to screw everything up so badly back then. You weren’t pushing me too hard or moving too fast. I just…like I told you then, I wasn’t prepared for you. I didn’t know how to let you in all the way…or at all. I didn’t know how to allow myself to be happy with you.”
She hadn’t been happy before. Not since Noah. Not until Lucy. There are still times where she wished she could share things with Noah. Share Lucy with him. He’d adore Lucy; he’d be charmed by her. And Lucy would love him. She was sure of it. Which only made missing him hurt worse. And then, once again the events of today washed over her and nearly took her breath away with the force of the wave. The thought of a wave reminded her of Lucy and that thing she said about emotions and choosing which wave to ride. The memory drew a small smile out of her.
“Your face just went on a whole ride right then.” Lucy commented thoughtfully. She rubbed Kate’s arms again, and then settled her hand at the small of Kate’s back as she slowly led her toward the couch. “It’s been a long day. We can talk about us later. I think you should try to get some rest.”
Kate wanted to protest because she really wanted to talk about them now that they seemed to be getting somewhere close to finally being on the same page; but a yawn escaped her without her consent and only then, was she able to process how truly exhausted she was. So she let herself be led the rest of the way to the couch and settled in next to Lucy. Lucy encouraged her to lay down so she curled up in an improvised fetal position as she rested her head on Lucy’s thighs. She closed her eyes as Lucy ran her fingers through Kate’s new (and hopefully temporary) brown tresses. Lucy’s fingers massaged her scalp in a way that soothed Kate.
“Remember that day…that you said the thing about surfing?” Kate breathed out quietly.
“As oddly random and vague as that question was…yes, I remember.”
“At the time, you said you heard it from someone you were seeing and…I assumed it was Skylar.”
“What? You did?”
“Not that I knew about Skylar specifically. I just…I assumed that you meant you were seeing someone. As in, you had a girlfriend. That was the day I really thought I lost you. Like I knew that I royally screwed up, but until then, I was convinced that if I could get you to listen to me…to understand, that I could fix it. Fix us. And then…well, I thought…I’m glad I was wrong.” Kate trailed off at the end and then opened her eyes and looked at Lucy. “And as glad as I am that you weren’t talking about Skylar…or any other girl for that matter, I think I feel worse than I did at the time because now I know what you were referring to. That you were seeing someone to help you through…well, everything. And I…I know that there’s nothing I can do to change it now, but I really wish I had known what you were going through back then. I know you wouldn’t have wanted my help, but had I known….what this feels like–the grief and the trauma and the…well, the conflicting emotions of being glad that I’m alive and devastated that I’m the reason someone else isn’t…I just, I won’t apologize again because I know you said I don’t have to. But Lucy, I hate that I get to have you to help me through all of this and you had to do it alone.”
“I wasn’t alone. Not entirely. Ernie’s the one who paid for me to see the guy. He wanted to help me and that was the only way he could think to do it.”
“Ernie’s one of the good ones.” Kate smiled knowing that Ernie was there for Lucy when she couldn’t be. It wasn’t enough to ease her guilt, but it did make her feel a bit better.
“He’s the best.” Lucy agreed.
Kate let herself be distracted by Lucy’s fingers in her hair again. She really was lucky to have Lucy in her life despite everything that could have kept them apart. Lucy was her lifeline. Her tether to keep her from spiraling too out of control in moments like this that could otherwise threaten to destroy her. It’s what set Lucy apart from the beginning. She always had some sort of hold on Kate. Despite Lucy being full of life and enthusiasm, she could also be calm and grounding. It was no wonder Kate fell for her so completely.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Lucy asked, pulling Kate from her inner musings once again.
“Not really. Not yet. I think I’m still in shock and have a lot to process.”
Lucy nodded and rested her hand on Kate’s shoulder before sliding it down her arm and interlacing their fingers.
Kate loved holding Lucy’s hand. She loved how tactile Lucy was in general. Especially now they had gotten back together, Lucy seemed to always want to be touching her. As Kate let herself think of all the ways that Lucy showed her that she was truly “all in '' and giving them a real chance like Kate had begged her to, Kate realized that Lucy was showing her without needing the words just how much she loved Kate. The realization made Kate’s entire body relax. She hadn’t thought that she was on edge about them, until that moment. Kate had been expecting to inevitably screw things up again and the perceived emotional distance she misconstrued coming from Lucy hadn’t made things easier for her. Sure, they were still in the honeymoon phase, but Kate wanted long-term. She wanted real. She wanted to delve into the hard stuff and actually fix all the things that went wrong between them. She wanted this relationship to work more than she wanted anything else ever. But she also knew that she couldn’t be the only one who wanted it, otherwise, it wouldn’t work.
Lucy was quiet and her silence made Kate calmer now. She didn’t see it as walls being erected this time around. She understood it for what it was: Lucy was honoring the ordeal that Kate had endured tonight with quiet and calm. She was acting as her anchor once again.
“Lucy?” Kate asked, raising her head. “Could you actually…my shoulder hurts and I could really use some ice.”
Lucy was up immediately and Kate smiled as she watched her flit around anxiously. She did it more for Lucy than herself. Yes, she was in pain and now that the adrenaline had worn off, she could feel every ache, cut, and oncoming bruise. But more than that, she knew that Lucy needed to feel helpful. At least, she assumed that’s what she would have needed to feel if it were Lucy who was suffering the way she was. Emotional scars will be much harder to soothe, but the physical ones could be tended to easily enough. And that’s what she wanted to offer Lucy, for both of their sakes. Kate figured she’d need the tangible comfort just as much.
Lucy sat down wordlessly, and very carefully pressed the ice pack against Kate’s shoulder. She then softly pushed Kate’s hair over the opposite shoulder before kissing her exposed neck which caused Kate to shiver more than the harsh cold of the ice had done.
“Sorry.” Lucy said as she pulled away and readjusted the ice pack. “Too cold? I should get a towel to go underneath it.”
“It’s fine.” Kate told her, and she was only exaggerating a little.
“Right.” Lucy caught her in the lie. She let her fingers brush across Kate’s skin as she held the ice pack in place. “I know I already said so, but I’m so glad you’re safe. I don’t know what I’d do…”
“Hey…hey…” Kate tried to turn to face her, but Lucy pressed firmly against her to keep her in place.
“I just…you keep saying how you’re sorry about…that night…about how it all happened and how you didn’t realize what I was going through…” Lucy’s warm breath caressed Kate’s bare skin and caused her to shudder. Kate felt Lucy move closer as the couch dipped beneath her weight. “Today…I felt so hopeless, especially when the comms went out and I couldn’t hear what was happening and we couldn’t get to you and…Kate, I was so scared that I was going to lose you. I don’t think…I hadn’t thought…I know I was heartbroken and so angry at you that night…when…well, with all the stuff that had happened between us. But I never once thought what it must have been like…for you. You had gone to the office to check on me, and then things went sideways and I…I came so close to going over the edge with him. It could have just as easily been me who fell…who…” Lucy’s breathing was uneven and Kate turned to face her despite Lucy’s weak protests. She held the ice pack on her own shoulder as she watched Lucy consider her words carefully before she continued. “I may have considered us over. But you…you didn’t. And you were stuck helpless, just like I was today, as the woman you loved fought for her life.”
Kate stared at Lucy. She replayed the words. Multiple times. Was Lucy saying she loved her? Was this the moment? Is this the moment?
“So what I guess I’m saying is that I’m sorry, too. For not seeing that before. For not realizing how much you were also hurting because I was so blinded by my own pain.”
Kate swallowed and nodded because she wasn’t sure she trusted her own voice at that moment.
“And the worst thing about it all, was that I was terrified of losing you today and I kept thinking how I never even got to tell you how much I love you.” Lucy admitted.
Kate’s mouth dropped open and tears stung her eyes. It was more than she could have hoped for.
“Because I do. I’m ridiculously in love with you FBI Agent Kate Whistler. I think I always have been.” She rolled her eyes at herself. “I know I always have been.” Lucy sighed and tucked an errant piece of hair behind her ear. “I love your strength and your goofy side that I think only I’ve gotten to see but that everyone else should get the chance to experience. I love your bravery. I mean you frickin' sang to me in front of everyone even after I had given you no reason to think you had a chance to win me back. I love your intelligence and the way you pretend to be a tough ass when you’re actually a cinnamon roll.”
“I don’t know what that means.” Kate whimpered, accidentally interrupting Lucy’s adorable rambling.
“I love that you love the water even if the thought of the vastness of the ocean you regularly surf in terrifies me. I love that you let the team in because everyone should have the chance and the honor to get to know you…the you I have always seen. I love that you’re organized and anal about making your bed even though I think it’s a waste of time.” Lucy added the last few words with a smirk.
“Can I kiss you now? Or do you plan to continue?” Kate teased even though part of her reveled in the confession and wouldn’t mind it continuing.
Lucy loved her. Kate had been longing to hear the actual words, but the way in which Lucy delivered them had been worth the wait; just as Lucy herself was worth the wait. Worth the effort. Worth it in general.
“You never have to ask to kiss me.” Lucy replied as she leaned in and claimed Kate’s lips herself.
Kate moaned into the kiss, but Lucy stopped them before things got too carried away.
“As much as I want to show you all the other ways I love you…tonight isn’t about that.” Lucy told her and seemed to genuinely regret it.
“But it can be.” Kate pouted and leaned in to kiss her again, but Lucy dodged it.
“You’ll thank me in the morning.” Lucy reiterated as she fixed the placement of the ice pack. “We have the rest of our lives for the other stuff.”
Kate loved the sound of that.
“Thank you. For today. For all of it.” Kate hoped Lucy understood. Her presence. Her support. Her love. Kate wouldn’t have survived today if not for Lucy. She fought like hell, despite what it took from her, to get back to Lucy. She had something to live for. Someone she wanted to make a life with and she wasn’t going to let anyone or anything stop her from getting the happily ever after she deserved. “I love you so much more than I have words for.”
Lucy smiled at her. “I don’t need the words, Kate. I see it every day in the way you look at me.” Lucy’s smile deepened and her eyes twinkled with delight. “I mean, the words don’t hurt.”
That actually made Kate laugh. The fact that she could laugh after a day like today was remarkable in and of itself. Lucy re-adjusted herself and encouraged Kate to snuggle back into her like she had been before Lucy had gotten up for the ice. As Kate relaxed into Lucy, she allowed the events of the day to really sink in. The entire day had been an emotional roller coaster. She hadn’t been exaggerating before when she said she was still in shock. There was so much to process. So many conflicting emotions to sift through. But there was one thought that kept resurfacing. One thing she felt she wanted to share. To try to talk about.
“Is it okay…can we…can I tell you about Noah?” Kate asked hesitantly.
“Of course. I want to hear all about him. I know one thing for sure, he has the most amazing sister in the world.”
When she felt Lucy’s warm hand find her own, she exhaled with contentment. Kate closed her eyes and smiled to herself. Then she turned to face Lucy and opened her eyes to look at her while she told her favorite person in the universe about the only other person who meant the world to her.