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Leonardo didn’t really want to be a leader.
The idea of it never even crossed his mind before they started this whole hero business. And when they did, and Raph immediately took charge, he was more than happy to let his big brother take the responsibility. Sure, sometimes Leonardo would hop in with some ideas or plans or motivations. Sometimes he’d gloat about how well a mission went thanks to him. But if you asked him if he wanted to take charge of the entire team he would have said no in a heartbeat.
So when presented with the opportunity to do so after defeating Shredder, Leonardo did what he did best.
He shrugged the responsibility and tried to dodge it as much as possible. He figured by doing so Raph would just take charge again. They’d move on from the concept. But for whatever reason his big brother kept trying.
He didn’t understand why until after the Kraang invasion.
The pressure was unbelievable. The fear, the stress, suddenly Leonardo understood it too well. He’d almost been angry about it. Why did his father and his big brother want to toss all of that on top of him? But while recovering he spoke to Raph about it, and discovered that hadn’t been the case at all.
All that pressure had been getting to Raph. He couldn’t shoulder the responsibility of the team by himself. And he finally admitted that if Leonardo really didn’t want to shoulder it either, he wouldn’t have to.
But he understood it too well by now.
So he’d do it, if only for Raph’s sake.
At least now it was less of a solo mission and more of a shared task. As the team got back into action, he and Raph tended to share the weight. Leonardo worried about making plans and giving orders. Raph worried about jumping into action if things went sour.
And for the most part, things went smoothly.
Except…
“Nardo, that’s a ridiculous idea.” Donnie scoffed, staring at the screen from his gauntlet.
Leonardo frowned at his twin. It wasn’t the first time a comment like that sprung up. In fact, it became a routine occurrence on missions. He’d start talking about a plan only to be interrupted and have the whole thing nitpicked. Donnie wanting to shred his ideas wasn’t even surprising, considering he was such a smart ass, but then when Raph just repeated the same plan Donnie would agree without hesitation.
“Oh yeah?” Leonardo glared, listening to the frantic shouts from the restaurant that all the mutant silverfish had invaded. “Still not up to Donnie standards, huh? Then what do you suggest, oh brilliant one?”
Donnie stared at him, venom in his gaze. “We know direct attacks won’t work on these guys. We have to contain them.”
“Obviously.” Leonardo rolled his eyes. “We’re rushing in like that to get them to scatter and then corral them into—”
“Because they won’t just run in different directions and force us all to split up.”
“Donnie, were you even listening to the—”
“Guys.” Raph interrupted. “We can’t keep standing here arguing about it. We need to move.”
“Fine.” Donnie’s tone and entire demeanor shifted as his glare turned into more of a bored expression. “Let’s all jump in from different sides.”
Ugh. Just like that. Just like that! What was with his twin’s attitude?
The mission went off without a hitch, mostly. Rushing in from all sides forced the critters to crash together in the center. Between Donnie’s tech and Leo’s portals they managed to capture them all and Raph sent the containment unit flying.
Except they missed one.
Minimal damage, but the creature did leap out and latch itself onto Mikey. Their little brother screamed, panicked. In their attempts to rip it off, it left a nasty set of scratches on his shoulder.
Raph tossed the creature away. They all surrounded Mikey, Donatello already pulling out their medical supplies to get the bleeding to stop.
And of course, he had things to say. “Good job portaling them all, Nardo.”
He glared at Donnie before snatching the bandages out of the first aid kid. “Hey, don’t you dare start blaming me.”
“Why not?” He rolled his eyes. “You’re the leader, aren’t you? Isn’t that your responsibility?”
“Donnie.” Raph interrupted. “That’s not how that works and you know it.”
Leonardo held up a hand. “No, no, let him continue. Come on Donnie, just what is your problem?”
His twin almost answered until Mikey let out a whimper. For now the argument was disregarded. They needed to patch up their little brother and get home before the authorities showed up.
Leonardo focused on Mikey when they got back. He took his brother to the med bay, making sure to give the injury another once over. He considered the possibility that stitches wouldn’t be necessary, but the injury would heal slower if he didn’t.
“Sorry little bro,” he pulled out the needle.
Mikey whimpered again, already clinging to Raph for support.
Leonardo tried to work fast. At least Mikey didn’t squirm, though he suspected that was due to the death grip he had on Raph’s hand. Their older brother didn’t even flinch.
At least it was just the three of them. Donatello already retreated to his room, or possibly the kitchen.
“Okay.” Leonardo began, hoping it’d be a distraction for Mikey. “So I can’t be the only one noticing that Donnie has a massive problem with me, right?”
Raph gave him a blank stare. “You two always argue.”
“I know, but doesn’t this seem… worse?” He finished the stitches on the first scratch and moved to the second. “Any order I give he has to object to. Anytime things go wrong he blames me for it.”
“Maybe I could ask him.” Mikey offered before he flinched again. “Do some work as Dr. Feelings.”
Raph shook his head. “No. If there is a problem then Leo has to handle it.”
“Huh?” Leonardo paused his stitching, but only for half a second. “Why me?”
“Because if he does have a problem with you, you’re the only one who can fix it. Besides, it’s a new lesson about being a leader. You’ve gotta know what’s going on with your teammates.”
He groaned. “If Donnie has a problem with me, he’s never talking to me about it.”
“Won’t know until you try.”
Yeah he did, but fine, he wouldn’t argue about it.
They all fell into silence as Leonardo finished up. He gave Mikey another bandage, and then a lollipop out of the jar he kept on the shelf. His little brother, now in a much better mood, skipped off to find their dad. Injured boys had easy access to cuddle time and he was going to take advantage of it.
Leonardo watched him leave, then glanced back at Raph who was already pointing in the direction of Donnie’s lab.
Leonardo groaned.
“Go on.” Raph kept gesturing. “If it helps, I’ll hang out nearby in case it turns into a screaming fest.”
Leonardo put down a bet that it’d only take ten seconds for that to happen, but fine. Whatever. He more or less stomped to his twin’s room, already hearing the clanging and clattering of whatever new device he was working on.
He gave Raph one more look before knocking on the door. “Donnie?”
The clangs went silent. “What do you want?”
Oh yes, this was already going so well. He bit back his snide remark. “Can we please just talk?” A pause. “Without sarcasm?”
At least the door opened, but Donnie kept glaring at him. “With you involved? An impossibility.”
“Wow, not even going to try, huh?”
“You’re surrendering rather easily yourself.” Donnie gestured to him before returning to his room.
The door didn’t close, so Leonardo took that as an invitation to come inside.
“If you’re here to continue our lovely discussion during the mission today,” Donnie put his goggles on and got back to soldering a series of wires. “Then get on with it.”
Leonardo glared, already annoyed with the lack of attention his twin was giving him. Must be how Raph felt when he tried to talk to the rest of them and they kept focusing on their tasks instead.
He tried not to follow his frustration. An angry Donnie was either far more honest about his feelings—good—or clammed up even harder—bad.
“Well, if you aren’t going to tell me what the problem is.” Leonardo leaned against the wall and crossed his arms. “How about I try and guess?”
Donnie didn’t answer, still watching the sparks coming off the metal.
“Is it just that you actually hate my plans? Or you just hate that they’re coming from me?”
He saw Donnie’s jaw go tight, saw the way his grip faltered. He turned the torch off.
Must be getting close. “So it’s something related to that, huh? Then is it a whole twin thing? Or the fact you can’t stand that I’m in charge now.”
His brother snapped his goggles back up when he shot him a glare.
Leonardo just smirked. “Getting warmer?”
“Shut it, Leo.”
“No. If you have a problem we’re not just leaving it there. All these arguments on missions are going to start putting us all at risk.”
The scoff that Donnie gave out was loud enough to sound like the snapping of teeth. “Oh, now you’re so worried about risk?”
Leonardo’s shoulders went tense. “Look, I know I wasn’t doing a good job before—”
Donnie stood up. “Leo knows best. Leo knows best. Let’s just run into the subway without thinking. Let’s just brute force our way through a bunch of Kraang goo. Let’s just—”
“Hey.” He snapped, swallowing back the bile and guilt in his throat. “I just said, I know I screwed up back then. I’m trying to do better. Why won’t you just let me?”
Donnie tilted his head back, as if to stare down at him. “Why does it matter what I think anyway? Apparently that never mattered.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You’re just the leader now. No prior discussions about it. No asking what Mikey and I think about it. Just welp, Leo’s the leader now.” He threw up his hands and grinned, the corners of his mouth twitching. “Let’s just follow him blindly into his reckless stunts and plans that he always fails to properly inform us about.”
Leonardo growled and stomped toward him. “If you have thoughts about it, Donnie, why don’t you just say it instead of being spiteful every time we do a mission.”
“Is that not what I’m doing now?” Donnie leaned forward, staring him in the eye. “If we’re a team, how come the leader isn’t something that’s discussed and agreed upon. How come dad, who barely even joins us on these jobs, gets to decide who’s in charge? It’s a miracle Raph even still agrees to it considering how much you kept screwing up the past couple of years. And don’t think I didn’t notice you were doing it on purpose.”
“Right, because I never wanted this job either.” He spat, wanting to shove his twin back.
“Then why not just give it up?”
“Because Raph can’t keep doing this by himself!” Leonardo bared his teeth.
Only now did Donnie look outright angry, showing his own teeth which were much, much sharper. “Who keeps saying that? Raph’s far more capable than—”
“Raph said it. He said it himself. He can’t deal with the pressure of being the leader and the big sibling.”
“It wouldn’t have come to that if you had stopped screwing around earlier on.”
“Me? Don’t act like I was the only one messing around.”
“You were the only one constantly disobeying his orders.”
“And who made him an entire helmet just to harass him about making plans?”
Donatello clenched his fists and shoved Leonardo away. “I just wanted him to get better because he wanted to be our leader so bad.” His voice cracked on that last word. The anger left his face, briefly replaced by shock before he started wiping his eyes.
Oh.
So that’s what was going on.
Leonardo straightened up, but kept his stance relaxed. “You don’t hate that I’m the leader. You just hate that it’s not Raph anymore.”
The glare returned. “You don’t get it.”
“Then help me get it!”
Donnie let out a growl. His palms pressed against the sides of his head as he paced around.
Leonardo let him, knew that his twin did this sometimes as he searched for the right words.
“He wanted this more than any of us.” Donnie finally snapped, keeping his hands where they were. “To be a hero. For us to work as a team. I don’t know why he wanted it so bad but I knew that he did. And I wanted to support that no matter what.”
Leonardo glanced at the floor. He thought about the helmet again, about Donnie working endlessly to get a system that alerted them about local crime, about the captain chair in the tank that he refused to replace, about the code name Red King, about the constant upgrades to the training room that Raph barely had to ask for.
“He wanted it more than any of us.” Donnie repeated. “Only for it to suddenly be tossed into your hands.” He pointed at Leonardo. “You, who always ignored his plans in favor of your own. Who always keeps those plans to yourself. Who tosses out those ideas without any form of backup in case things go wrong.”
“Donnie.” Leonardo interrupted. “I already talked to Raph about this. He wants me to lead the team. For both of us to lead the team.”
“So?”
“So there’s no point in getting mad on his behalf.”
“You don’t get it.” Donnie’s fists clenched at his sides, shoulders shaking. “He deserves it. And you don’t.”
That last word felt like a sledgehammer, mostly because Leonardo knew he couldn’t argue with it. He didn’t deserve it. Not even stopping the Kraang proved that he did, considering it was his fault the aliens even got out in the first place.
He took a deep breath. “You’re right. I don’t. So what can I do to change that?”
Donnie looked shocked, obviously not prepared for such a response. His wide eyes fixed on Leonardo before glancing around the room. Bit by bit his shoulders dropped. “I don’t know.”
“Well, if you think of something, let me know.” Leonardo shrugged. “In the meantime, can we please try not to fight every time I discuss plans during missions? If you have a problem that’s fine but…”
“Fine.” Donnie turned away and sat back in his desk chair. A sure sign that this conversation was over. “Are we done?”
“Yeah, for now I guess we are.” Leonardo didn’t say anything else as he left the room. At least he knew the reason why, now. Maybe with that information it’d be easier to convince Donnie to cooperate with this change.
But maybe they should have a family discussion anyway. Donnie was right, he and Mikey hadn’t been consulted about the decision at all. They both deserved to give their input on who bossed them around during missions.
Leonardo turned to head down the hall when he saw Raph standing right there. The snapper’s gaze was fixed on the floor, eyes wide.
“Raph?” Leonardo kept his voice low, in case Donnie could still hear him.
Raph glanced up, flashed a smile, then stepped over to pat him on the shoulder. “Good work. I’ll take it from here.”
Leonardo frowned. “Are you sure? He—”
“I’m sure.” Another pat, then he headed into Donnie’s room, the door closing behind him.
Leonardo considered that he could stick around and snoop, but decided against it.
He had an idea of what Raph planned to say anyway.
Donatello tried so hard to focus back on his work. He needed to get this drone finished. Being able to scan buildings to pinpoint the locations of allies or foes would be key to making missions like today that much easier and foolproof.
But the mess of wires on his desk all turned into a single blur of color. Stupid dumb dumb Leo with his dumb dumb ego coming in here to talk about his leader role. Forcing Donatello to talk about how frustrated he was with the whole mess because…
He glanced over at the messy concept sketches on the corner of his desk. He thought so hard about the custom chess set, one side having pieces for all of them while the other side had their frequent foes. No real point to making it anyway. No one in his family even played it unless he counted Draxum—he barely did.
He glanced at the king piece before shoving the pages off the desk, listening to them flutter onto the ground.
He heard the crinkle of paper. Donatello spun around to see Raph standing there, looking at the page, a smile on his face.
“Hey, this looks pretty neat.” He pointed at the page as he turned it around. “Are you making it sometime soon?”
Donatello crossed his arms and curled up as he turned back around. “Not much point anymore.”
He heard Raph approach. The hand on his shoulder made him flinch, but he didn’t shove it away.
“Hey, D?” His big brother leaned in close. “Thanks for always believing in me.”
Donatello pressed his lips together, forcing the tears back into his eyes.
“Seriously, thanks.” Raph continued. “You’re right, I did always want to do this hero thing, and I insisted on dragging the rest of you into it. That entire time I kept questioning it. Like, was I really cut out for this? As a big brother I was always in charge of you three, but it’s so much different when you get out there. I was never good at coming up with plans, or thinking logically or—”
“You’re not stupid. ” Donatello interrupted and finally looked at Raph. “Maybe you aren’t good with math, or physics, but who cares? You’re smart about the stuff that matters.”
“Donnie, you don’t have to—”
He stood up. No, no. He wouldn’t let Raph interrupt him. He needed to hear this. “Your top priority with anything was keeping us safe. To do something good. And even when faced with some impossible decisions you’d make a call and you’d stick with it because you’re strong, and brave and—” The words got stuck as he swallowed back the lump in his throat. Damn it. Not now. “You’re more than capable of being a leader.”
Raph gave him a gentle smile and once again put a hand on his shoulder. “Again, thanks for believing in me. But it’s not about me. Being a leader doesn’t mean as much to me as making sure you all stay safe, and I can’t do that by myself.”
“But—”
“The stress was tearing me apart. You saw what happened to me before we went to fight Shredder. Leo being the leader doesn’t mean he’s in charge of everything.” He smirked and rolled his eyes. “It just eases the pressure off of all of us.”
Donatello knew he was right. He knew deep down that if things continued the way they were originally that Raph couldn’t keep up. But still, it felt like things got so much worse when Leo got pulled up in rank. He spent so much time goofing off and ignoring the position it just added to the stress. And Donatello was just supposed to be okay with it?
“Look, you don’t have to be chill with this right away.” Raph leaned forward to reach his eye level. “I get that Leo’s still learning how this works. I get that he doesn’t always have the best ideas. But there’s no point in trying to stick up for me like this. I don’t want to run this whole thing by myself anymore, even if I am capable of doing it.”
“I know.” He looked at the floor, mostly just feeling silly now.
“I’m going to hug you now. Is that okay?”
Donatello nodded, letting Raph pick him up and squeeze him against his chest. The pressure felt nice, comfortable, and he let himself relax.
“I know I already said it twice.” His brother’s voice cracked. “But thanks for believing in me.”
Donatello sighed and finally hugged him back. “Always, Raph. “I’ll always believe in you. No matter what.”