Archive of Our Own

Lena just–

She just…She–

Lena shot Lex–No. Lena killed Lex. She killed her own brother and convinced herself it was for the ‘better good’, for her friends, for–for Kara. Kara, her sweet Kara, innocent Kara, ever-so-loyal Kara who always defended her and stuck by her despite the rest of the city and the world standing against the Luthor name.

‘The world will never be a safe place with you in it.’ She told him. Images raced through her mind: her dear Kara; the group of close-knit friends that have welcomed and embraced her; everyone she’s grown to care about after years of being conditioned to love nothing and no one. They all flashed into her mind as she pulled the trigger without hesitation. She was doing this for them, she told herself. For them, and for the world.

And then he pressed that button. He–He pressed that damn button and the screen came to life with footage she’d never seen before. Footage of Kara, of her friends. Kara, pushing Lena aside to catch bullets. Kara, breathing out wind that pushed armed agents to the ground. Kara, eyes glowing with lasers as she burned all evidence of her double life to the ground. Evidence of her lies.

They humiliated her, he said. They betrayed her, he said. Lena chose not to see it, he said.

‘Kara Danvers is Supergirl.’ He rubbed salt into the wound as tears pooled in her bright green eyes, gun clattering on the ground as her body shut down from the shock and the deep, humiliating betrayal.

‘You’re left with no one, and nothing.’ Lex used his last dying breath to remind Lena of the one thing she was always certain about until Kara came along; until Kara broke down her walls with her persistence, her unwavering loyalty, her bright eyes and her contagiously wide smile. Until Lena let herself believe that she could be good for once. That she deserved good.

It was all a lie. 

Her ‘friends’ sat in Kara’s living room whispering amongst themselves while waiting for Lena’s arrival for their cue to put on their facades and deceiving masks. Lena believed she was a part of them. A part of this group, of this tight friendship. A part of Kara’s life. She even let herself fall for–

The sound of a ringing pierces through the air, forcing emerald eyes to snap open. The sheer amount of air she rapidly sucks in results in her falling into a coughing fit, eyes shut so tight that tears trickle down her cheeks as she tries to steady her pounding heart. Clearing her mind from these night terrors is impossible because every morning she wakes up to an even bigger nightmare. She’s reminded that it’s her reality. They aren’t nightmares or even dreams; they’re memories. Memories of pain, betrayal, agonising heartache.

As she steps into the shower letting the cold water freeze her already numb body, memories of baby blues that look the same with or without glasses fill her mind. How could she have been so blind to it? It was almost like…like Kara was mocking her with her disguise. Thoughts of Kara sitting with their–no, her friends laughing at Lena, laughing at her stupidity and making a fool of her take over her mind. She tries to shake them out, shake off the embarrassment, the humiliation. But it’s a wasted effort.

The images she’s created still linger in her mind as the lift dings, the metal doors sliding open without the creak she’s grown used to hearing from Kara’s lift. They’re still present as her heels click with every tired step to her office. She doesn’t greet anyone she walks by, stepping through into her office and heading straight to the bottle of far too expensive scotch she keeps on her shelf. She just wants to make it stop.

Kara’s a happy person, she’d like to think. 99% of the time she’s all smiles and rainbows and she lives by the motto ‘every single day is a good day if you wake up with a smile.’ If you manifest it, for lack of a better word. She manifests happiness, optimism, hope. But not today.

Today she wakes up frustrated because she checks her phone and Lena still hasn’t texted her back. Kara understood when the ravenhead texted her saying she can’t make it to game night because of work. She understood when Lena cancelled their lunch because of work. She even understood Lena replying to her ‘dinner?’ text hours too late because she was stuck at the office and was ‘so exhausted’ that she only wanted to crash into bed, even with an empty stomach. Kara’s an understanding person.

What Kara doesn’t understand is there’s nothing Lena’s really been working on lately that should be taking up this much time. Typically, her best friend is very specific about the things L-Corp is working on – to her at least – and Kara loves listening to the ravenhead speak endlessly about the things she’s passionate about. She loves hearing her fast, rushed sentences that sometimes skip a few words from excitement, loves seeing her emerald eyes widen when she remembers a particular detail she’s ecstatic about, loves the way her body expresses her emotions in the form of her hands flapping enthusiastically.

Lena keeping something from her is…rare. Not that she’s never kept something hidden from Kara, but not lately at least. Kara thought their friendship was strengthening day by day and–Okay, well, maybe she’s overthinking this. Maybe it’s all in her head and Lena really is just busy. It’s hard enough running L-Corp, but simultaneously running CatCo? There must be meetings upon meetings, proposals upon proposals, endless paperwork to be done by tight deadlines. Kara understands.

But she still picks up the phone and clicks Lena’s name with a load of colourful heart emojis after it – three green ones embedded between red hearts.

Her talk with Alex this morning convinced her that she has to tell Lena the truth as soon as possible. She’s prolonged this long enough. It may have started because of caution, but as soon as she got to know the real Lena, Kara was a goner. She’s sweet, vulnerable, caring, and one of the kindest people Kara knew. Kara immediately unravelled that Lena was not the villain the media put her out to be, and the caution turned into protection and Lena gradually opened her beautiful, affection-deprived heart to Kara. But not to Supergirl. And that rejection scared her. Despite that, nothing is as scary as having to tell Lena the truth after all these years, being terrified that Lena could never forgive her for this.

“Hello, Kara.” Lena answers in a low voice, the sound of ice clinking in a glass clear to the blonde through the phone. Or she’s subconsciously listening through the entire city towards Lena’s office. Kara tends to do that a lot with Lena and she can’t help the all-consuming guilt that’s been eating away at her. The secret has blown up at this point and every time Kara uses her powers with Lena it feels like a big violation of her best friend’s privacy.

“Lena? Hi! You–You didn’t respond–Uh, are you free for lunch today?” Kara stutters through her question, not expecting Lena to actually pick up, especially at this time. She’s usually in a meeting first thing in the morning, and if she’s not, she’s strolling to CatCo with Kara and a cup of steaming hot coffee using ‘just checking my investments’ as an excuse to walk through the building. ‘Walk through’ means standing by Kara’s desk with a soft smile as she listens to the blonde’s ramblings about the latest article she’s working on.

“Oh, I don’t know. I think I’ll skip lunch today.” Lena takes a moment before answering ambivalently, seeming hesitant, conflicted. Her suggestion almost has Kara standing up from her chair, ready to rush to Lena’s favourite pizzeria – her favourite menu item is a chicken caesar salad which Kara actually warmed up to after the many times Lena made their plates, putting some salad on Kara’s too.

“Skip–Skip lunch? Lena, no! I could never let you do that, you know me better by now. I’ll be there with pizza and one of those salads you like.” Kara laughs, already having the exact order in mind. She’ll even run by a dessert shop and grab a dozen doughnuts to have something sweet for Lena. Even if she protests, Lena always at least tries whatever new tasty treat Kara brings her. The blonde has realised over time that Lena has a sweet tooth, maybe because she was deprived of the simplest sweets during her childhood. It’s something Lena’s mentioned during their late-night talks, pure black silky hair flowing over her shoulders instead of tied up in a painful bun, wearing oversized pyjamas Kara keeps in her ‘Lena’ drawer. Yes, it’s actually tagged with a sticky white label. Kara used a green sharpie – duh.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Kara.” Lena answers curtly with no hesitation in her voice this time. A frown makes its way onto Kara’s lips, her brows pinching together in confusion.

“Why? What’s wrong? Did something happen at L-Corp? I can’t hear–Sorry, I mean I didn’t see anything in the news about it.” Kara corrects her slip-up with a laugh. She’s become far too casual with these slip-ups lately. It’s a shock Lena hasn’t been suspicious about it or at least questioned her over it. That only eats away at her guilt even more, knowing how deep Lena’s trust in her goes. Kara decides she has to tell Lena the next time she sees her. She has to.

“Right.” Lena pushes out through gritted teeth. “I’m just swamped with work. Thank you for the call, but I have a meeting I have to run to.” There’s a long silence between them, the sound of the ice clinking coming to a stop. It’s replaced with the tight clench of Lena’s hand into a fist that Kara can hear from CatCo. The frown on her face deepens but she clears her throat nonetheless, remaining optimistic despite the weird, tight feeling in her chest.

“Oh. O–Okay, no problem! How about din–” Lena hangs up before Kara can finish her sentence. “–ner. Weird.” She slumps in her chair but thinks perhaps Lena moved the phone away from her ear and simply didn’t hear Kara’s suggestion. For the next couple of minutes, Kara’s fingers remain unmoving on her keyboard, perked-up ears listening for movement in Lena’s office. She listens for the clicking of her heels, or a ringing, maybe, for a virtual meeting, anything that would indicate she’s actually busy. But Kara only hears the pouring of liquid into Lena’s ice-filled glass. She hears a shaky breath, a gulp, and a cracking sound and it forces her away from Lena, guilt weighing her down at the invasion of Lena’s privacy, again. She buries her face in her work instead.

Lena marches through Kara’s building with intent, a hard, unwavering look on her face. This is something she has to do. The sound of her knuckles tapping rocklike against Kara’s door echoes in the hallway, the pounding sound of her heart slowing down in her head. Lena waits and waits and waits until the door flies open and there stands Kara, out of breath, flustered, hair in a messy bun and glasses skewed on her flawless face.

“Lena! Hi!” The blonde greets her with a wide smile, glancing behind her quickly. Lena looks over her shoulder to see Kara’s window wide open, likely from her flying in just now. “Are you okay? You look…” Kara struggles to find the words for a moment, tilting her head. Lena simply scoffs with trembling lips.

“Upset? Angry? Broken? It’s because I am, Supergirl.” Lena reveals in a hiss, watching Kara’s expression twist into a panic before she laughs nervously, trying to play it off.

“What? What are you–Lena!” Kara gasps when Lena steps forward, grabbing the blonde’s glasses and flinging them to the side. She pulls golden locks out of their restraining hairband, eyes fluttering as blonde streaks flow down. How could she not have seen it before? How could she have been so idiotic to not notice the obvious? Lena’s thumb shakes as it brushes the scar over Kar–Supergirl’s eyebrow. She hates her. She hates herself. She hates Lex. She just hates.

“How could you?” Her wavering voice and the quiver of her bottom lip betrays her, exposing her true heartbreak. The firm look in her eyes breaks down as tears blur her view of Kara’s frown and pouty lips.

“I–How did you–” Kara stutters in question, making Lena scoff again, a breathless laugh escaping her throat.

“That’s the first thing you want to say to me? How did I find out?” Lena asks in disbelief, her heart clenching in her chest. Kara’s baby blues open wide, ready to defend herself as she steps closer to Lena who only steps back at the proximity.

“N–No, Lee, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I wanted–” Kara begins but Lena interrupts with a deep, dark glare that has the blonde stepping back in surprise. She’s never seen a look like that from Lena, ever. It makes it even more shocking that it’s directed at her. The weight of her betrayal really sets in as she realises just how much she must have hurt Lena.

“Don’t you dare feed me more lies. Haven’t you said enough?” The words come out in a hiss followed by pure silence. Kara waits, looking timid, horrified, maybe at Lena, or maybe at the consequences of her own actions.

Lena scans Kara’s stance, the slump of her shoulders, the way she keeps her head and eyes cast down at her feet. The ravenhead’s fingers twitch beside her before hovering over Kara’s buttoned shirt. The blonde wants to instinctively grab Lena’s hands to stop her, but her brain catches up to her before her hand reaches Lena’s. Slender fingers tremble as they open a single button, gasping at the first hint of the vibrant colours of the family crest on Supergirl’s chest. Seeing footage is different. God, it’s so different to seeing her Kara standing in front of her with no disguise, with her Supergirl suit just under her ordinary clothes. Ordinary clothes that Lena has envisioned ripping off, revealing tan, smooth skin she’s always wanted her lips on. But there was nothing to kiss but the blue and red crest on her chest. It’s been there all along and Lena’s been–She’s been a fool.

“I’m so sorry. I care about you. You’re my best friend. I love you, Lena.” Kara whispers, voice soft and warm and Lena’s brain is trying to reject it but her body’s fighting for Kara’s comfort.

“Stop.” She chokes out, closing her eyes tight. “You don’t. Not the way I love you.” She confesses in a whisper, eyes suddenly wide and filled with fear. Kara’s eyes narrow, tilting her head slightly.

“What?” Kara asks for elaboration, stepping into Lena’s personal space. The ravenhead inhales a sharp breath at the proximity, tears spilling down her cheeks. “Lee…” Kara’s voice takes a sympathetic tone as her hands hold Lena’s cheeks. But Lena can’t take it anymore. It hurts, everything, everywhere; it all hurts.

“Terminate.” She gasps out, Kara disappearing right in front of her eyes.

“Virtual reality simulation terminated.” Hope’s robotic voice echoes as Lena swipes over her eyes, revealing her white office. She takes a shaky breath, squinting as she adjusts to the harsh lighting.

It’s the fourth time she’s created a scenario in which she tells Kara that she knows, and every single time ends with her crying her heart out and Kara rejecting her with those baby-blue sympathetic eyes of hers. She knows she’s the one in control of what she sees, but deep down Lena refuses to believe Kara could ever return her feelings. If she did, she wouldn’t have lied; she wouldn’t have concealed her true self from Lena. She wouldn’t have claimed to be her best friend for years while hiding a big part of herself, leading a double life and giving only half of herself to Lena while the ravenhead gave her all.

She gave Kara her all. Her vulnerability, her deep and scary thoughts, her secrets. She gave Kara her heart, just for her to shatter it into a million pieces with her betrayal.

“May I ask you something, Miss Luthor?” Hope speaks out, breaking Lena out of her dark thoughts.

“Yes, Hope.” She calmly whispers, eyes trained on the cracked photo of her, Kara, and Alex. Grabbing it angrily, she shoves it into the trash can under her desk.

“These simulations you’ve been running in virtual reality. My calculations show their endings are improbable.” She observes. Lena sighs, deciding to indulge her out of pure curiosity despite her mind being set in stone.

“How so?” Lena pours herself another glass of whiskey, standing up and walking around her office looking through papers to busy herself. Contracts need to be signed that she hasn’t read yet, interviews need to be accepted or rejected; her workload seems to be piling rapidly despite the CEO only being distracted for a couple of days.

“Based on my observations of Kara Danvers, her expression when she looks at you typically exhibits desire.” Hope’s choice of words piques Lena’s interest. She flicks her eyes to the hourglass-shaped A.I. on the glass table.

“Desire?” Lena asks quietly, sitting on her stool and flicking her fingers over the tablet laid on the table. The footage of Kara using her powers plays on the screen; Lena’s only playing it to torture herself further, to fuel her all-consuming rage within.

“Yes, Miss Luthor.” Hope confirms as Lena’s brows furrow watching the screen and noticing Kara pushing her out of the way to protect her from incoming bullets from agents sent to kill her. All this time she thought she was just lucky, but the real luck is Supergirl ending up her best friend of all people. Lena Luthor’s best friend. Was it luck? Or was it…premeditated? Had Kara been sent to befriend Lena all those years ago to keep an eye on her because of her affiliation with Lex and her mother? Because of her cursed last name?

“Not love?” Lena questions, pushing the thought out from the tiny part of her that still has a little hope.

“Unfortunately love is not something that can be indubitably deciphered in expressions, only interpretations. A blown pupil can mean both lust and desire, but paired with a–” Lena’s face hardens at Hope’s response, clearing her throat and cutting the A.I. off.

“I understand, Hope. Thank you.” She says in a tight voice. It only just occurs to her that Kara may be listening, may have listened in the past to any private conversations Lena has had. There’s no escape from this, from her thoughts, from Kara. Now that Lena knows, it feels like Kara’s everywhere. She’ll turn on the news and there’s Kara in her cape with her fists on her hips. She’ll look out her window and there’s Kara in a flash of red and blue zooming through the sky. She’ll close her eyes and there’s Kara with her blue eyes and toothy smile. Lena can’t take it. This is something she has to do.

The moment Andrea Rojas revealed the truth, Kara wanted to fly straight to Lena’s office and interrogate her. The new, uninvited face scanned the features of her new office, she declared, already coming up with plans to change everything. Why would Lena do something like this without talking to their friends first? Or Kara at the very least?

But with Kara’s rage comes a realisation; she felt confused and also betrayed by Lena withholding that information. And this deal probably only happened a few days ago. Kara herself has been lying for years so this is only a fraction of what Lena would feel when Kara tells her the truth. That only intensifies her fears and worries. So instead of flying to L-Corp in a rage, or marching into Lena’s office with lunch to tell her she’s Supergirl, she distracts herself with work. It doesn’t go well until Alex speaks into their active comms, needing her help with an incident at the museum.

It’ll be fine, Kara thinks as she lands outside the museum with a huff of air that blows her hair out of her eyes. She’ll tell Lena soon, and Lena will be angry for a while – as she should – but she’ll forgive Kara eventually…right?

“Supergirl?” She hears Alex in her earpiece. “You’re inactive. Everything okay?”

“Oh, uh, just…scanning.” The stuttering blonde comes up with a quick excuse that isn’t very believable – to her sister, at least. But if Alex noticed the little white lie, she doesn’t make a show of it. A hum-grunt hybrid escapes Alex’s throat, forcing Kara into action.

A flash of red and blue bursts through the doors, taking in the sounds of weeping children, gasping adults, and two sets of inhuman growls and groans in the distance. She’s already identified where the aliens are, but a small boy shaking in his black school shoes points a trembling finger behind him. It’s past the humongous sculpture of a war missile positioned in the middle of the grand hall, past the rusty bullets contained behind solid glass, past the faded uniforms of long-gone soldiers pinned to the walls in the corridor.

“Thanks, bud.” Kara zooms through the air after flashing the young boy a wide smile followed by a wink like it’s their own little secret. She hears his squeal as she flies, a small smile finding its way onto her face. It’s a reminder of why she does this: to inspire. It builds hope, builds connections and bonds with the people of this city, her city. She thinks she has an unbreakable connection with Lena, always had and maybe always will. The latter thought a Super and a Luthor will always have a connection, and not necessarily a good one. But after she cast her defensive thoughts aside, she saw that the pair actually worked really well together. Their relationship doesn't need to be tainted by the men in their lives.

“Are you stealing something? Or trying to destroy something? Or–Can you just tell me what you want? I have other things to deal with today.” Kara spits out with somewhat of an attitude the moment she reaches the fighting aliens around the corner. They’ve already broken a model remake of…Kara thinks it was what National City used to look like in the 50s. Something like that.

The aliens pay her no mind, one larger than the other with purple muscled skin littered with gills along its ribs and small fins on his forearms. The smaller one is tinted a burnt orange with dark brown hair covering his body making him look almost werewolf-like. The small one growls, tackling the purple alien as they roll into the model, destroying it further.

Did Lena work on that model? Kara swears she’s heard the ravenhead mention it, or mention this museum. Working on something in this museum. Kara would’ve been calling Lena up in about 10 minutes telling her she saw what happened in the news, asking her that very question. But Kara knows all she will get is her voicemail, Lena’s cold and curt voice telling her to leave a brief message after the beep.

“Supergirl! Will you please do something?” Alex urges, scolding Kara for her inactivity…again. 

The blonde silently curses at herself, lunging towards the pair. But she only sighs deeply, scolding herself for not having a clear head; instead of containing them in her grasp, she’s pushed the three of them through a concrete wall that will no doubt take months to get fixed. But she’s too distracted, thoughts too occupied by Lena, what Lena’s meals have looked like today if she’s been as busy with meetings as she’s claimed, if it’s the type of day for Lena to be wearing a modest skirt or a pantsuit, if–

“I’m sending backup.” Alex declares but that only angers Kara, forcing a frustrated sigh out of her. She glares at the groaning aliens rolling in the debris before clenching her hands into tight white fists.

“I don’t need it.” The hero growls, pounding her fist once, twice, until purple and orange limbs pass out, intertwined with each other. It only makes her think of Lena, of game nights that turn into hey-everyone’s-gone-and-it’s-late-just-sleep-over nights. Everything makes her think of Lena.

The pounding of her own heart sounds into her ears, pumping, pulsing, thumping deafeningly loud. For the car ride, it was all she could hear as anxiety took over her body. It was getting closer and closer to the scenario she’s played out over and over again. But this time she won’t be able to simply ‘terminate’ when it goes wrong. This time, it’s reality.

Lena’s been wanting to run away from it, to hide, to delay the inevitable clash. It’s why she kept repeating the same virtual reality scene over and over again managing to convince herself that there is no way this could end positively. There’s no happy ending here, no running into each other’s arms like everything will be perfect and okay. Lena doesn’t even think she wants that. She doesn’t know what she wants, or what she expects from this. All she knows is her heart is aching and she can’t really breathe properly and Kara’s the only person who has ever comforted her when she’s feeling like this. And now?

She misses her. She misses her Kara, not Supergirl, not the real version of Kara that’s been living this double life and only giving Lena 50 per cent of herself. Lena misses the Kara she knew – thought she knew. And she’s tired. She’s tired of crying, of arguing with herself over what to do, and she’s feeling fear more than anything.

Lena’s terrified. Terrified of what more Kara is capable of now that she knows she’s been lying to her for years. Terrified of showing up to Kara’s place and inevitably crying in front of her no matter how hard she tries to contain her emotions, terrified of being vulnerable with the last person she wants to trust right now. Terrified of…of these huge feelings of pure anger and hurt squeezed into her tiny heart that’s bound to burst soon. What if this brews into something bigger? Deeper? If she never lets it out, it could corrupt her and she’s a Luthor; they’re easily corrupt. Lena doesn’t want to be the villain, especially with a Super on the other side. History really does repeat itself, she thinks with an internal scoff.

By the time her driver pulls up to Kara’s apartment block, Lena’s practically shaking in her leather seat. He knows better than to not push her or ask her about it, waiting silently for her to contain herself. But that containment doesn’t come. Suddenly storming out of the car, Lena marches to the building door. Thankfully, an elderly man was just coming out and held the door open for her with a smile. Even if she wanted to, she couldn’t return it; there’s a permanent stubborn scowl on her face. It’s anger, it’s sadness, fear, every negative emotion mixed into one, fuelling her until she’s practically jogging on shaky legs out of the lift to Kara’s door.

A pale, tight fist hovers over the front of the door, unable to move an inch. Suddenly, she’s filled with dread and seeing Super–Kara’s face is the last thing she wants. But she’s hit with this realisation that she has to face reality now if she doesn’t want to appear weak; Kara knows. If she’s at home, that is. Kara’s probably on the other side of the door hearing Lena’s heartbeat or her footsteps or using her x-ray vision. Kara knows, and Lena knows that Kara knows and she wonders if she’s always known.

If all those times Lena’s been waiting outside Kara’s doors for seconds that turn into minutes because she’s overcome with nerves. Because she used to feel like she was overstepping, like she was spending too much time with her, being too clingy, too obvious in her pining. Her pathetic pining. That humiliation gives her enough adrenaline to knock her fist against the door so hard it starts to hurt a little. She only gets three knocks in before the door flies open, Kara putting on a surprised and concerned expression.

“Lena! That was, uh, is your hand okay?” Lena’s stuck in place as she stares at Kara, mouth gaping and closing every couple of seconds, struggling to come up with words. She’s practised this over and over again and as convincing as Obsidian North’s virtual reality tech is, nothing can beat this. No replica can really capture the mixed shades of blue in Kara’s eyes, the slight frown – believable frown – on her lips as her brows crease together in concern. Her eyes drift down to Lena’s clenched fist, knuckles covered with flecks of red skin.

“I–You–” Lena stutters, mind going into overdrive as Kara grabs her hand, tugging it up. The world moves in slow motion as her body heats and tenses up, simultaneously rejecting and welcoming Kara’s touch. The blonde holds Lena’s hand up to her face, her lips pouting as they first brush over the ravenhead’s throbbing knuckles before pressing against them leaving a gentle kiss. It leaves Lena’s skin hot all over, tingling like she’s about to burst.

“All better.” Kara whispers with an innocent smile, cheeks turning pink as she sees Lena’s wide eyes and stuttering lips. But a confused look takes over her features when she notices the ravenhead’s expression shifting continuously from surprise to anger, fear, and sadness as her breath hitches. “Lena? Are you okay?” Kara can hear Lena’s heart beating fast, faster than usual, and thinks the ravenhead might be having a panic attack but she can’t tell her that. And that’s another reminder of how badly she needs to just come out with it and tell Lena the truth.

“You–I can’t–I can’t believe you–” Lena can’t breathe, the pounding getting louder and louder, a persistent ringing in her ear piercing sharper. Her body’s telling her to run far, far away and flee the country. Her mind is telling her to slap Kara even though it would break her hand, but her heart…her breaking heart that aches for comfort tells her to do one thing and one thing only.

Tight fists open briefly only to close again around a fistful of blonde hair as Lena closes the distance between her and the taller hero. Kara sputters at the proximity, but thinks Lena may just need a hug; she’s left with wide, confused eyes when she feels harsh but incredibly soft lips against her own.

Everything stops. There’s nothing but silence in Lena’s head as her brows pinch together, not knowing what she expected from this. Fireworks, temporary relief, maybe Kara’s hands on her waist, Kara pulling her in, Kara pushing her away. But Kara’s hands hover in the air like they’re up in surrender, eyes remaining open in shock, lips remaining unmoving but so soft and torturously sweet.

When Lena pulls away, gasping at her mistake with her shaking hand over her mouth, Kara remains frozen in place. This time Kara’s the one panicking with a pounding in her head, ringing in her ears, and mouth gaping. Lena's out the door before Kara can even blink.

Lena just–

She just, she–

Lena kissed Kara. The blonde heard her coming, knew she was waiting outside the door and she waited. She waited with a bouncing leg, excited for a surprise visit from her best friend who she’s been missing so very much. Just for Lena to kiss her faster than Kara could register, faster than Kara could dodge, or–or react or something. Did she want to dodge?

Lena kissed Kara, then Lena gasped and stepped back almost tripping over her heeled feet as she ran out of the door, not bothering to slam it shut behind her. She just ran, and Kara let her because she couldn’t find it in her to move. She doesn’t think she moved for a good 30 minutes after Lena left until her legs practically wobbled, making her stumble to the couch, head dropping in her hands.

All that is on her mind is why? Why had Lena knocked on the door so hard that she hurt herself? Why had Lena’s face gone through so many emotions all directed at Kara? Why did she kiss her? And why is Kara’s mind going into overdrive over a kiss from a person she should be feeling nothing for?

Alex would know what to do. Alex would approach this sort of situation in an objective way and know what to do. Except, she’d only be able to do that if she was in this situation. She’s completely different when it comes to Kara; she’s protective, subjective, and won’t understand. She can’t understand because she’s never understood Kara’s relationship with Lena.

Alex has always had her doubts about Lena, about Kara’s affection towards her, Kara’s loyalty and persistence in the good that she saw in the Luthor from the get-go. Kara can’t go to her, she simply can’t. Now that she thinks of how horrified and scared Lena looked before and after the kiss, Kara thinks she shouldn’t go to anyone at all. Telling someone might help her but it’d break Lena’s privacy and her trust in Kara. But she’s already broken her trust anyway…

Kara drops back with a sigh, running a shaky hand through her hair. It's unexpected. What she's feeling is unexpected, suddenly wanting Lena is unexpected, being hit with all these emotions and rethinking their entire friendship is unexpected. She needs to sleep on it before deciding what to do because her mind is running and telling her a million things at once; it’s beyond overwhelming and perhaps that feeling is what made Lena do what she did. Impulse.

Impulse. It gave Lena a moment of bravery to confront Kara. It’s what made her tell her driver to take her to Kara’s home instead of her own. It’s what made her knock on the door. And it’s what made her bury her fingers in blonde hair she knew was smooth as silk, kiss lips she knew would be soft as feathers. But that impulse and adrenaline died down, leaving nothing but horror, panic, and humiliation.

Not only did she get treated like a fool with the lying and sneaking around, but she demoted herself to a fool by exposing her desire for Kara just to get rejected. The blonde didn’t move an inch, didn’t kiss her back, didn’t bother running after Lena to reassure her or react or anything. She stood there in silence like she wanted nothing more but to disappear. So Lena did so instead.

Lena ran out, sobbing in her car as her driver silently took her home. She cried and sucked it all back in as he opened the door for her, giving her silent sympathy in his eyes. She kept her cries inside as her doorman welcomed her with a gentle smile, as the lift number increased with every pulse of her heart, until she burst into her penthouse with a gasp, falling to the floor as her back slid down the closed door.

She knew Kara might be able to hear her from here if she was looking for Lena, listening for her. But she couldn’t find it in her to care. She couldn’t find it in her to care one bit as she struggled to shrug her expensive fur jacket off, her arm getting caught in her hurry. She frustratedly tugs it until it slips off and she dashes it onto the couch. It’s not enough, embarrassment and anger at herself taking over her mind.

She can’t find it in her to care as she grabs the nearest thing to her, smashing the small bowl to the ground. It breaks with a loud clicking sound as her keys inside collide with the broken glass. If Kara hears, she’ll have to expose her identity and she’s had so many opportunities to do so in the past, so, really, Lena couldn’t find it in her to care even if she tried.

She breaks anything in sight, her hand slicing at some point, from what she can’t remember an hour later as she lays in her tub with a half-drunk bottle of wine on the ground and a glass in her hand covered with dry blood. Silent tears roll down her cheeks, wondering if she spoke out loud now calling for Kara, would she come? If she whispered Kara’s name on her lips, would she fly here landing on her balcony in her sweats and fluffy duck socks? Or would Kara not find it in her to care about Lena enough to show the ravenhead her true self?

When Lena finally stumbles to bed, she thinks Kara won’t care. She whispers her name in a croaky, broken voice as she cries softly to sleep. The blonde hovers outside Lena’s balcony, her open palm on the glass door closing into a restraining fist.

The next time Kara sees Lena it’s completely accidental. It was a bright day but Kara wasn’t feeling so bright. She hasn’t felt bright in over a week with Lena avoiding her like Kara avoids kale.

Sometimes life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows, and that’s something Kara has learnt to live by. She’s as optimistic as they come, but she knows that can be unhealthy too. At least that’s what she’s been telling herself to justify her constant sulking. Even potstickers didn’t make her feel better – she still stuffed them into her mouth, only with a deep frown bordering a pout, everything tasting bitter without Lena by her side.

When she sees her, it’s when Kara's in the sky with the wind blowing through her hair and her cape flowing behind her. A bird almost flies into Kara’s face when she freezes in the dark night sky, eyes stuck on Lena in the distance. Blue was always a great colour on her, Kara thinks. And green was never a great colour on herself; the blonde clenches her jaw, glaring daggers into the bearded man sitting across from Lena with a smirk on his stupid face.

The blonde settles on the ledge of a distant building, close enough for her to see but far enough to not be spotted. This isn’t a business dinner. There’s no way it’d be a business dinner, no way Lena would wear a dress like that: shining silk, a slit exposing her milky thigh, a deep cut revealing just enough chest to be enticing. The man opposite her is dressed smart-casual with brown trousers and a half-sleeve white shirt with the first three buttons open – three too much, Kara thinks.

Kara’s brows pinch together in confusion, not understanding what she’s feeling and why she’s feeling these…uncomfortable emotions. It’s only small talk, her companion doing most of the talking from what Kara can tell so far. And he’s only talking about himself, being too up his own ass to ask Lena a question. But by the look in her eyes, she didn’t come to this date to talk anyway. And that’s what’s pulling Kara’s stomach into knots, causing her teeth to grind together loudly, her brows knitting together in frustration.

And then the man jumps up slightly before his fists clench, a victorious smirk on his face. That’s when Kara uses her x-ray vision to look underneath the long table cloth and she spots Lena’s exposed leg. Her long, pale leg reaches over as her foot drags up his leg, his thigh, and–

Kara flies up as fast as she can, as high as she can, only letting out a frustrated cry when she’s away from human ears. She doesn’t know why she feels like there’s a pile of bricks on her chest, why her vision’s getting blurry, why she feels like she’s about to burst into a strangled, angry, ugly cry.

Seeing Lena dressed up for someone else, giving those–those lustful eyes to someone else, going on a date with someone else especially after kissing Kara causes a nasty feeling to brew in the blonde’s chest.

The second time Kara sees Lena is somewhat of an accident too. It’s a few days since the blonde saw those green, lustful eyes and that pale leg climbing up someone else’s leg. On an entirely different note, Supergirl has been spotted a lot more often than usual. Completely unrelated to Kara needing distractions and letting out her frustration on alien criminals that can take a punch or two of her strength.

Supergirl duties aside, Kara Danvers has also been rather busy. She’s taken on more assignments, spending a lot of time outside the office chasing stories and leads, coming back to the office and losing track of time until the sky begins to darken and the lights in the building gradually turn off. 

Today is one of those evenings where it’s quieter outside so Kara spends her time inside, face buried in her work; her computer screen is bright with who knows how many tabs open, her desk is littered with papers and notepads with quotes from interviews, and she’s had three too many cups of coffee. Kara is not the type of person to get headaches; she's immune...obviously. But she definitely feels one coming, an ache forming in her head, a throbbing between her eyebrows. It’s then she realises there may have been a few too many sleepless nights too lately.

The words on the screen are starting to sound like The Sims language so with a heavy sigh Kara turns it off and leans back in her chair. There are only a couple of people left in the office, including Andrea Rojas who Kara’s noticed has had an entire makeover after being in the bathroom for the last 30 minutes. She struts out no longer in her pantsuit but a short burgundy dress that compliments her figure, hugging her best assets. The black red bottom heels she’s wearing leave an echo in Kara’s heightened ears as her boss walks into her office swaying her hips.

She must have a hot date. That was Kara’s initial thought as she flipped her notepad closed, marking this article off for tomorrow. But that thought comes back to haunt her when the elevator dings behind her. Kara lazily glances over her shoulder seeing the same pair of heels attached to long, pale legs. She turns back to her desk but suddenly spins back around at the realisation that she knows those legs.

“Lena?” She whispers with her mouth hung open as she looks up miles of milky legs and exposed thighs, finally landing on her green dress.

“Miss Danvers.” Lena greets curtly, strolling past Kara without a care in the world. The blonde stumbles as she sits up, eyes trained on Lena’s curves, the dress practically moulding with her body with how tight it is. She means to stand up, she really does. Kara means to get to her feet and rush to Lena, to pull her into her arms and whisper a thousand apologies, drop to her knees and beg if she has to. But she only watches.

“Lee! God, you look great!” Kara only watches as Andrea’s eyes light up, taking her sweet time to scan Lena’s figure. Lena, who spins around with a blush and a giggle. Lena Luthor. Blushing and giggling over ‘great’.

“As do you, Drea.” Rao, they’re both on a nickname basis? Kara’s blue eyes turn green as she frowns deeply, brows coming together in the middle as she carefully observes their interaction. Okay, maybe she’s a little creepy, and maybe this is an invasion of Lena’s privacy. Maybe. But Lena’s biting her lip and Kara swears to Rao her eyes catch those emeralds looking at her in the reflection of the glass wall of Andrea’s office. 

Kara can only watch, convincing herself she catches a smirk from Lena too and a slight jump in her steady heartbeat. But maybe that jump is because of Andrea’s soft hand brushing against her exposed arm as she leads her out the door. Kara can only watch longingly, oblivious to the puppy-dog eyes and slight pout she’s giving Lena.

The pair walk into the elevator and Kara listens until they’re about halfway down and she hears Lena’s laugh, that loud, free laugh she’s only ever heard a couple of times with herself and during game nights. She didn’t even know the pair knew each other, and if they haven’t been lifelong friends then that must mean Andrea has an instant connection with Lena so strong they’re already brushing their hands together and calling each other cute nicknames.

Kara sulks the entire walk home and doesn’t bother stopping for potstickers despite her rumbling stomach.

The third time Kara sees Lena is on a cold night just past one in the morning. Kara spent a few hours patrolling to distract herself from the fact that it’s been two weeks since she last saw Lena and she’s been missing her pretty face, her soft eyes, her excited voice as she talks about a new project she’s working on. She misses her best friend.

So after taking care of a couple of bank robbers, Alex dismissed her to go home and get some rest. Kara did go home and got changed, but she couldn’t rest. She didn’t even get to sit on her bed before she was flying out her open window again, wide-eyed and desperate.

She landed in the alleyway near Lena’s building and speed-walked to the door. The doorman let her in, sending her straight up, and Kara found her heart warming at the fact that Lena hadn’t told him to take her off the list. There are no nerves in her body as she zooms up the stairs all the way to the top; she knows exactly what she wants and it’s her best friend back. Kara will apologise on her knees and grovel, beg, and cry for Lena to just speak to her. She can’t just–

“You can’t just kiss me and disappear!” Kara blurts out the second Lena opens the door, her hair in a messy bun and thick glasses propped on her nose. She’s swearing Kara’s sweater. Kara’s sweater. On Lena, beautiful, glowing Lena who looks flushed, dishevelled and angry and so damn pretty and–

The ravenhead can’t get a word out because the moment her lips split open to yell, Kara swoops in and covers them with her own. It’s Lena this time with her arms held by her side, frozen with wide eyes as Kara’s brows pinch together; overwhelmed with a wave of new emotions, the blonde tries to communicate them with her lips, kissing desperately yet gentle and soft all at once.

When she pulls back slowly, their lips sticking together for a moment before a wet sound echoes around the small space between them, Kara keeps her eyes shut tight. She’s scared to open them, terrified that she’ll have to face her real feelings this time.

Kara has feelings for Lena Luthor, and she probably always has. The moment she saw her, she knew there was something about the ravenhead…something that forged this need to be closer to her, to know every little thing about her. It was Lena’s words that inspired her to become a journalist, Lena’s words that set off her career, and her kind heart that made a Super trust a Luthor. Kara’s been loyal to Lena all this time, standing by her side. And now, every little interaction is replaying in Kara’s head, reimagined. The way she looked at her, the way she put Lena above so many other people, the way Kara’s put her life on the line for her over and over again like it was the most natural thing for her to do.

And Lena…

Lena’s angry. Oh, Lena’s really angry.

“Is this another one of your lies?” She practically growls out as she pushes against Kara’s chest to put some distance between them. Kara’s browns knit together in confusion.

“Huh? What–What are–” She stutters but the fuming ravenhead cuts through in interruption.

“God, I didn’t think you’d stoop this low.” She scoffs as she turns around with her arms crossed over her chest. Kara lets the door shut behind her as she carefully steps into Lena's living space. “Befriending me, bringing me into your little group just to make a fool out of me, mock me, but this? Leading me on for years just to–to kiss me and pretend to reciprocate my–” Kara’s decided she’s had enough of being in the dark about this, about Lena’s hidden feelings and this scenario she’s created in her head.

“Lena, what the hell are you talking about?” It’s the closest thing to swearing there is for Kara. The confused look on her face is replaced with doe-eyes, wide and fearful when Lena spins around with teary, saucered eyes of her own. It’s the glance at Kara’s chest, the deep glare like she knows what’s usually hidden underneath; that’s what gives it away.

“I know! I know, Kara, I know you–you’ve been lying to my face. All of you!” She roars, voice trembling as she tries her best to contain her heartbreak.

“Lena…” Dread fills Kara’s face at the reveal, at the realisation that that’s why Lena’s been so cold, so distant. She must have found out and couldn’t even bear being in the same room as Kara let alone hearing her voice for any longer than necessary.

“A goddamn hairtie and glasses.” She lets out a scoff at herself, tears freely falling down her face. Kara’s heart shatters at the sight, wanting nothing more than to comfort her, to apologise, to fix this. “That’s all it took. God, how could I have been so fucking blind?” It’s the first time Kara’s heard her swear like this, making her gulp and shift uncomfortably. Tears start pooling in her eyes at the hurt and betrayal in Lena’s tone, at the guilt filling her chest.

“I’m so, so–” Kara begins but chokes on her words at the dark glare Lena sends her with those eyes, those eyes that used to shine and soften when they land on Kara.

“Don’t. Don’t you dare.” She hisses, venom laced in her voice. Kara’s bottom lip trembles as she reaches a hand over only for Lena to take another step back, wrapping her arms around herself protectively.

“Please–” Kara begins again, wanting to burst into a thousand apologies. She steps forward, refusing to be too far away from the ravenhead who only protests the proximity.

“Don’t you fucking dare. You–You can’t, you just can’t act like–” Lena groans in defeat and frustration, teary eyes flickering up to blue ones and then down to pink lips before grabbing blonde hair like she did the first time. She tugs her down, tiptoeing up to attack Kara’s lips. There’s a wet, invading tongue and sharp teeth immediately, her hand tugging harshly like she’s testing Kara just to make sure she really has been fed lies. Like she still refuses to believe it. “Do you feel it?” She accusingly mutters as she pulls away slightly, lips still brushing against Kara’s but hooded, angry eyes staring into hers. The blonde stays silent, tears spilling down her cheeks as she presses her forehead to Lena’s. She has to be honest. No more lies, she vows.

“I always feel you.” She whispers but it pulls a pained, croaky sound out of Lena’s throat. Lena doesn’t want to feel right now. She doesn’t want that, she doesn’t want Kara’s fake love, doesn’t want to give her hers. “Can we talk–” Kara clears her throat before asking, but Lena’s lips are on hers again quickly, her tongue pushing between Kara’s lips to dominate her. The blonde barely puts up a fight, her hum of surprise sounding incredibly similar to a whimper.

Kara’s shoved against the door harshly, bending slightly at the knees when Lena’s hand tugs her head down closer. Soft lips kiss and suck roughly, teeth nipping before biting Kara’s bottom lip hard. The blonde moans hotly as the ravenhead groans frustratedly at the lack of copper, lack of crimson tainting Kara’s lips when she pulls away. 

Lena’s lips feel like they’re pulsing, swollen from her kisses. Yet the only sign of Kara being kissed is the hazy look in her eyes and her dishevelled hair. It only fuels Lena’s anger at the clear betrayal.

“Lena, please, can we talk about–” Kara bursts out with brows raised in the middle, eyes filled with guilt and fear. But Lena’s glare remains hard as she walks back with her grip still tight on Kara’s locks. The blonde follows submissively, taller body pressed against Lena’s smaller one.

“I don’t want to talk to you.” She hisses, her voice shaky. Kara pushes even though she knows she shouldn’t. She just can’t stand that look that Lena’s giving her and all she wants is to fix what she’s broken.

“But–” Her hand rests on Lena’s waist but the ravenhead smacks her hand away, pushing her onto the couch.

“I don’t…want…to talk.” She enunciates her words as Kara visibly gulps, fingers gripping the leather. Lena has a dark, clouded look in her eyes as she scans Kara’s body, her untucked shirt, the pushed-back sleeves exposing Kara’s forearms.

“Okay. Okay, I’m sorry. No talking.” Kara mumbles, nodding her head in agreement because as much as she knows they need to talk about this – Lena knowing about her Super side – Kara’s desperate desire takes over. She’s the one who rushed here, the one who kissed Lena simply because she thought she looked too pretty to stand there unkissed. And now? Even with dried tears and puffy eyes, she still looks unbelievably beautiful.

“Good girl.” Lena whispers as she straddles her lap, a hand around Kara’s neck as she leans down and bites her bottom lip.

“Oh, Rao.” Kara breathes shakily, whimpering at the pulse between her legs. Kara’s still exploring, still learning, still confused about what she wants. But what she’s definitely sure about is Lena’s touch is like hot coal and it’s addictive, it’s electric, it’s making her feel a passion she’s never felt with anyone before. Her whole body’s practically vibrating with need as the ravenhead rolls her hips against Kara’s, her hand gripping Kara’s throat providing a gentle pressure that almost puts her in a narcotic haze.

Lena’s body is on fire, her core lit up with not only anger but a hot desire. She’s remarkably good at keeping her feelings in check, showing no emotion in her eyes but lust and anger. She can tell Kara’s slightly hurt by her cold nature and guilty for it but Lena can’t find it in her to care right now. Kara’s the one that lied, and Lena’s going to take her power back in any way she can. This show of submission from Kara is just one of those ways, and her feelings for the blonde only make it easier for her to give this one night her all. It would be closure is what she tells herself, what she convinces herself.

Just one night she tells herself as she trails hard kisses down Kara’s tanned neck. Just one night as her teeth scrape Kara’s impenetrable skin. Just one night as she rips open Kara’s shirt, buttons flying onto the leather couch.

Lena’s met with chiselled abs that Kara’s…that Supergirl’s skintight suit teases. She drags her nails along her muscles, mouth gaping as Kara throws her head back, letting out a series of soft moans. Not only does she look like she’s sculpted by the Gods, but she sounds like angels taught her how to speak.

“Lena…Lena, I–Just wait.” Kara pants out as Lena leans down to suck and bite the tops of Kara’s breasts, teeth tugging her bra down. She’s relentless; the ravenhead wants to keep Kara as distracted as possible because the last thing she wants to do right now is have a heart-to-heart. Just one night. That’s all she’s asking the universe for.

“What?” Lena asks, flicking her tongue over perfect peaked nipples. She stops when she hears a ripping sound followed by a squeal. Lena looks up at Kara with her tongue still covering her hardened bud with a plucked brow raised in question. But the sight has Kara whimpering again.

“Oh, shoot.” She takes in a shaky breath to try to gather up some sense of power over herself before finally expressing her worries. “I don’t think I can control myself. Not with you.” Kara adds honestly, not knowing how hard it makes Lena’s chest tighten. “I don’t want to hurt you.” She whispers, frowning when Lena’s face hardens again, turning to the side to avoid Kara’s soft, intruding eyes.

“Too late for that.” Lena pushes forward again, her lips only brushing against Kara’s before the blonde’s strong hand stops her, pressed against her chest. A heavy sigh escapes her lips as she glares down at the stubborn hero. “Kara. You can either fuck me, or you can leave.” Lena asserts, standing her ground. She’s calling the shots; she won’t allow herself to be manipulated by Kara’s words. Not again.

The blonde’s brows pinch together as she scans Lena’s expression, not sure what she should do. Should she walk out right now and wait for another time to talk to Lena? Would Lena even want to talk to her ever again if she leaves? Can Kara go any longer without being this close to her? Kara decides she doesn’t want to be without Lena. Not again.

“Okay. If that’s what you want.” Kara replies quietly, nodding in submission. Lena lets out a relieved sigh, leaning back in, but Kara still pushes against her chest. The ravenhead lets out an annoyed sigh this time, ready to get off Kara’s lap and go into her bedroom, locking the door behind her. But Kara suddenly flips them over in a flash. Before she can react, Kara’s slowly tugging her sweater off Lena’s body; the green-eyed beauty lets her take it off, revealing an endless surface of milky skin until she exposes Lena’s braless chest. The blonde’s breath hitches when she sees pale skin, full breasts, hard nipples practically begging for Kara’s lips. She doesn’t waste another second.

“God.” Lena sighs shakily, her hand holding Kara’s head close to her chest. A hot tongue flicks, a wet mouth sucks, sharp teeth scrape to draw out as many noises as possible. Kara memorises the moans, groans, whines, cries, whimpers and sighs with every touch. It’s all she wants to hear.

Kara’s strong hands knead a breast while her lips bruise another, switching when Lena tugs on her hair to guide her. The ravenhead’s nails dig into Kara’s shoulder, scraping down her back and whatever skin she can reach. The pressure has Kara’s eyes rolling to the back of her head, praying with everything in her that one day she could really feel Lena’s nails pierce her skin.

“Just–Just get to it.” Lena demands between moans, knowing that while she loves the feeling of being marked right now, she’ll hate it in the morning when she wakes up and stares at the mirror with an ache in her chest at the reminder.

“Mhm.” Kara hums in acknowledgement, her lips plopping as she forces her mouth away from Lena’s peaked bud. She looks up into green eyes with lust-filled blues of her own, wanting to kiss her way back up to swollen lips. But Lena’s hand pushing on her head forces her kisses downwards instead – not that she’s complaining. She can never complain when her lips kiss over milky skin, a slight bump in Lena’s soft belly that has her nuzzling, kissing her skin, scraping her teeth with affection.

But Lena doesn’t let her indulge further, letting out a frustrated sigh as she shifts uncomfortably. It’s either one of Lena’s insecurity, Kara thinks, or Lena’s just…incredibly desperate for Kara to touch her where she needs to be touched. She goes for the latter considering her hearing helps her pick up on the wet sounds as Lena squeezes her thighs, rolling her hips up in desperation. It drives Kara crazy, to be wanted like this by Lena, especially after seeing her on that date the other night.

Needy hands push Kara’s head further down until the blonde’s pulling on grey shorts, tugging them off in a flash. Before Kara can even think about teasing, Lena pulls her panties to the side a little, exposing herself. Kara can’t even take a moment to admire Lena’s dripping mess, her pretty lips, the clean straight line of trimmed hair above.

“Fuck…” A guttural moan makes its way out of Lena’s mouth when she tugs Kara’s hair, pressing her aching core against Kara’s eager mouth. She needs to hear that sound again, so she slides her tongue between silky folds and goes by her instincts. She’s never done this before, but she knows what she would want. So Kara teases Lena’s pulsing entrance for a moment, her tongue circling it before diving in. “Oh, fuck, yes.” Lena groans again, higher this time both in pitch and volume. There’s a deep sense of relief in Kara’s chest, a smile fighting to make its way to her lips, but she fights back, pushing it away and focusing on pleasing the goddess above her.

Kara swirls her tongue, exploring Lena with determination. She draws out moans bordering squeals when she curls her tongue, applying pressure on the spot that makes Lena’s toes curl. Experimenting, she flicks her tongue slightly faster than humanly possible just to hear the sounds Lena would make.

“Shit, oh, fucking, fuck.” A string of curses escape Lena’s mouth as her mind goes incoherent, quickly reaching her high already. Her fingers dig into Kara’s scalp, tugging on her hair to keep Kara’s tongue in place. The blonde hums, vibrations heading straight to Lena’s throbbing clit who won’t stop rolling her hips. Taking a moment to pull back, Kara looks up at the ravenhead with her mouth and chin coated, eyes glossed over with lust.

“Am I doing okay?” Kara asks with a bashful smile while Lena looks down at her, panting with an expression of disbelief. The fact that Kara still looks somewhat nervous and innocent while her lips glisten with the evidence of Lena’s arousal has the ravenhead scoffing, tugging Kara back down.

“Keep going.” She mumbles as Kara gently lays her tongue over Lena’s clit. She twitches her hips up at the gentle touch but immediately starts grinding upwards when she comes back to her senses. Kara slides a long finger until it’s coated, wrapped around a pulsing, tight heat. Lena’s moans her beautiful moans, her high-pitched, porn-worthy moans fuelling Kara’s determination to push her over the edge as fast as she can. She still hasn’t moaned her name yet which is what Kara suddenly feels desperate to hear.

Her finger thrusts fast but Lena’s still begging for more and more as she grinds her wet lips against Kara’s mouth. The blonde slips in a second finger easily, Lena’s walls throbbing as she curses under her breath. Kara curls her fingers with each thrust, putting enough pressure for Lena to feel it, enough precision to drive her crazy.

“Yes, fuck, right there. Right there, don’t stop.” She pants between moans that sound like desperate whines, grinding against Kara’s soft yet firm tongue as she chases her high. Kara doesn’t change a single thing, letting Lena use her face, her hips losing their rhythm as she flies closer and closer to the edge until her walls clamp down around Kara’s fingers so hard she can’t move them. She doesn’t want to anyway. Kara looks up, watching the veins in Lena’s neck strain as she throws her head back. Pink, swollen lips hang open as loud moans and soft whimpers spill. Marked, flushed breasts jump as Lena’s body twitches, slowly coming down from her high.

Kara doesn’t want to stop. She’s desperate to prolong this, desperate to tire Lena out until they fall asleep together in bed. But when she slides her fingers out and pulls her mouth away to kiss along Lena’s thigh, the ravenhead quickly pushes her back. Casually, Lena pulls her shorts back on and throws her–no, Kara’s sweater to the blonde.

“What–” Kara’s voice comes out croaky when she begins protesting, eyes still trained on milky skin and Lena’s full chest that bounces as she shakily around the couch.

“You know the way out.” Lena dismisses in a cold tone, slamming her bedroom door shut behind her. Kara contemplates going in for a moment as she sits in silence but the sound of the metal lock clicking echoes loudly in her ears. She looks down at the sweater in her hand that smells like Lena, a deep frown on her face as she sighs in defeat. If Lena doesn’t want her here, then she won’t be.

Every moment seems to be a reminder for Lena. A reminder of the betrayal, of her loneliness. While Kara can go to Alex, Nia, and just about every person in their little group, Lena is left with no one. They were all Kara’s friends, Kara’s family, and Lena was welcomed in. And now? Now she thinks she was never really welcomed, never really accepted, never really part of their family. It was all a facade.

So the only comfort she has is her bottle of scotch, her second bowl of pasta that she knows is too carb-indulgent if she wants to watch her figure, and the rom-com playing on her thin television. This is all her fault anyway, Lena thinks. She’s the one who let Kara in and took a chance on her. It was…It was like an experiment. She made her hypothesis and it turned out wrong. And now she’s the one who has to face the consequences of that mistake.

Except the consequences feel much heavier now because they include the memory of Kara’s lips. Sitting on her couch reminds her of her hands scratching along Kara’s abs, Lena’s teeth biting soft lips, blonde locks between her legs with an eager, slick tongue. So, Lena sits on a stool by her kitchen island instead, her eyes unfocused in the direction of the TV.

She can’t bear those memories because what comes with them is this intense…want. This need, this desperation for more. She wants more of Kara, and she hates herself for it. For still aching for her, yearning for the blonde to simply be near her after all she’s done. So she drowns her self-pity and hatred with another generous pour from her scotch bottle.

A light knock on the door almost has the liquid spilling onto her marble countertop. She sighs, conflicted for a moment when she thinks of the only person that could possibly be. Kara could see her if she looked through the door anyway, see Lena’s hesitation, her figure slumped on the stool, fingers gripping the glass. But when Lena doesn’t hear retreating footsteps, she stands up and decides to face Kara’s stubbornness.

When she swings the door open with a cold stare, she’s shocked to find James of all people standing over her. He looks equally shocked that Lena actually opened the door, already having stepped back in defeat.

“Lena. Hi.” He greets her warmly, a soft smile on his face. Lena keeps her glare firm on her face. “Kara, uh…I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” He switches his direction when he notices the clench in Lena’s jaw at the sound of the blonde’s name.

“How long have you known?” Lena practically spits at him in an accusatory tone. She’s ready to shut the door in his face at the confirmation that he was lying to her all this time, even throughout their relationship. The irony of that is almost humorous considering how angry he was at Lena for lying to him, even when it was for his own protection.

“Well, I knew before she even knew.” His words intrigue her and calm her a little. “Mind if I come in?” With her interest piqued, she steps to the side allowing James to walk in with familiarity. “Thank you.” James glances around Lena’s apartment, looking for any changes since the last time he’d been here.

“Scotch?” She offers, chugging back her glass and going to refill it again. She’s on wobbly legs at this point, but she doesn’t want to sit on that couch, can’t sit there. Lena puts a reminder in her brain to get Jess to order her a new one but she’ll likely forget by tomorrow morning.

“No. Thank you, though.” James kindly declines before making his way to the stool next to Lena’s. He sits comfortably, taking a moment to look at Lena, really look at her and try to get a read on her.

“So?” She asks impatiently, eyes glaring at the glass in her hand. The liquid swirls, her eyes following the movement like it’s hypnotising her. James doesn’t say anything for a couple more seconds and then reaches over, holding the glass still.

“It wasn’t my secret to tell. And at times it wasn’t even hers to tell.” James explains, wanting to give Lena a little backstory since she’s missed out on so much. He pauses when the ravenhead scoffs at him with glossy eyes she tries to hide behind her glass of scotch.

“Bullshit.” She croaks out, vulnerability clear in her eyes. He wants to tread carefully; it’s pretty clear she’s on the verge of breaking down and he always hated seeing her hurt. Getting past Lena’s walls was one of the hardest things he’d ever done, and it only showed him how deprived she’d been of love. That includes what he thought was platonic love with Kara, but seeing how broken Lena is and how mopey Kara has been changed his perspective on that.

“The DEO is pretty strict, and Alex was very protective at the start of all this. Kara wasn’t allowed to tell you. And when she finally was…well, she chose to do what she thought would keep you safe. She’d seen how her enemies exploited the people she cares about, people who know Supergirl.” He reasons, noticing the way Lena softens just slightly, too tipsy and emotional to be able to harden again. “She can’t lose you. She couldn’t even fathom the thought.”

“What are you saying?” Lena whispers, turning to look at him with furrowed brows and slightly pouty lips. There’s a small glimmer of hope in them but it’s drowning in a sea of sadness, anger, and darkness. He just wants to help pull Lena out of there, to be a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on until Lena’s ready to face Kara. If she’ll have him, that is.

“I’m saying she cares about you, more than she cares about anyone. And while she lied, she was doing it out of fear, and it came from a good place in her heart.” He knows he’s sounding like he’s on Kara's side now, and he knows that’s what Lena thinks too when she closes up again, clenching her jaw and looking away from his intense gaze.

“I can protect myself.” She says coldly.

“She knows that. But she’d rather not take that risk.” James sighs, taking a different route. He’s not here because of Kara; he’s here because at one point he loved Lena and that love and care he had for her will never dissipate. He knows what she’s capable of, how easily she can be manipulated when she’s vulnerable, when she gets embarrassed and humiliated for even appearing ‘weak’. “Look, I’m not here to talk about Kara. I’m here for you. I know this is incredibly hard to come to terms with. You’re in pain, and I just want you to know you can lean on me.” He says softly in a soothing warm voice as he reaches a hand over to place it on top of hers.

Lena takes a deep, shaky breath, closing her eyes as a single tear trickles down her cheek. Her lips are chapped from the dehydration and lack of food at this point, having forgotten to eat anything throughout the day. She drops her head down as James’s thumb draws circular patterns over her skin.

“I–I hadn’t let many people into my life. For my protection and for theirs. But–But Kara was also so persistent, and she had this energy about her. This positive, contagious, bright energy and I…And just to find out she’s been dragging me along this entire time? That she–she may have befriended me as a Super to keep tabs on a Luthor, it just–it just hurts so much.” Lena manages to push out between sharp breaths, her voice finally cracking as she lets out a sob.

“Come here.” James whispers, standing up quickly to wrap his arms around her. She buries her face in his chest as she cries, fingers clinging to the material of his shirt. She lets herself fall into the familiarity and comfort he provides. “You’re more than that. More than a Luthor. Kara’s the one who taught me that.” While Lena appreciates his comfort, she can’t let herself believe his words. Not when she’s so broken by Kara’s betrayal. Has love really made her blind?

Nia figured it out pretty quickly. She knew Kara was down, they all knew, but Nia could sense the waves of sadness. It was different. Definitely not platonic. And considering she thought Lena and Kara were already dating when she first saw them interacting, she’s not entirely surprised by Kara’s obvious feelings now.

Looking across the office, she observes the hero’s slumped shoulders, her uninterested face as she reads over the drafted article on her computer screen. The blonde looks down at her phone when it pings with wide, hopeful eyes. But all hope dissipates from them when the text isn’t from the person she was anticipating. This simply won’t do.

“Kara! Free for lunch?” Nia asks when she reaches her, practically speed-walking to her desk. Kara looks up at the brunette, jumping a little at her enthusiasm.

“Oh…I’m not really hungry.” Kara mumbles in response, her finger slowly tapping on the backspace key over and over again. Nia's eyes go comically wide at the confession. Kara? Not hungry? This is worse than she thought it was.

“I–I didn’t think that was possible.” Nia breathes out in disbelief. Kara simply shrugs her shoulders, going back to editing her article with unfocused eyes. But Nia’s persistent. Her friend clearly needs someone, so she places a hand on her strong shoulder. “Come on.” She says gently, tugging playfully until Kara finally sighs, standing up and begrudgingly following Nia’s footsteps.

Ignoring Kara’s depressed mood, Nia drags her to an Italian all-you-can-eat buffet a few blocks down. Kara’s mood lightens up a little when they walked in, but even with a full plate of carby and cheesy goodness, Lena was still on Kara’s mind.

Every little thing is reminding her of Lena. She’s come to the realisation that there isn’t a thing she hasn’t done with her. She’s come to his very buffet with Lena who actually ate some pasta – a very plain one with only tomato and basil though, claiming it was the healthiest option. Kara feels like crying with every bite.

“Okay, we have to talk about this.” Nia pulls Kara out of her deep thoughts. The blonde looks up at her with a mouthful of pasta spilling out of her mouth and sad, glossy eyes. “Oh, God.” She mutters, leaning her hand over with a tissue to wipe at Kara’s mouth.

“About what?” Kara says quietly after swallowing.

“This!” Nia gestures with her hands. Kara frowns, confused. “I know Lena’s your best friend–”

“Was.” Kara mumbles in a sad tone, correcting her.

“Is. She’s just upset but you’ll rebuild eventually! You have to give her some time, Kara.” Nia attempts to be positive and reassure her but the blonde shakes her head stubbornly, sighing heavily. “It’s more than that, isn’t it?” Nia asks hesitantly, pushing with her theory. Kara’s head snaps up super fast, wide eyes flicking about nervously.

“What?” She almost scoffs, letting out a breathless laugh. The blonde looks back down at her nearly empty plate, pushing the pieces of chicken around with her fork.

“More than best friends?” Nia questions with a raised brow.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Kara clears her throat, shifting uncomfortably. Nia sits back, deciding to back down. She smirks victoriously for a moment before nodding and giving Kara a warm smile.

“Okay. Well, whenever you do know what I’m talking about, I’ll be here.” She reassures as Kara nods, mumbling something about mushrooms as she stands up and speed-walks over to the food, far away from Nia’s prying questions. But the brunette’s already figured it all out.

Kara spends her days editing robotically, her only thrill being Supergirl calls every hour or so. Nia’ll drag her along for lunch every now and then but most of the time she’s having lunch with Brainy, so Kara’s left all alone with a rumbling stomach, refusing to go out because all her favourite places remind her of Lena.

It’s been weeks since they…since that night. Weeks without Lena, but with Lena; with Lena on her mind, haunting her dreams. She hears whispers of Lena’s cries, her moans, her breathy sounds. When it’s too quiet, when it’s too loud, when it’s day, when it’s night, Lena’s just there ever-so-present in Kara’s mind.

She’s tried apologising, their messages filled with one-way paragraphs expressing how deeply sorry Kara is for lying to her, for hurting her, deceiving her, for breaking her trust. And messages of confusion, asking to talk, begging Lena to explain what she wanted from Kara. She’ll send her enough flowers to fill her office, buy her all the kale salads she wants, have dinner followed by an important talk about Kara Zor-El’s life that goes into the early hours of the morning. But she’s yet to get a response.

They slept together. Best friends don’t do that. Best friends care about each other and go to lunch and watch movies together. Best friends support each other, encourage them to go on dates, to find happiness and find ‘the one’. Best friends don’t sleep together, best friends don’t know how the other tastes on their tongue, best friends don’t spend the entire day thinking about when they get to see each other, to catch just a glimpse of dark hair and pale skin and bright, emerald eyes that shine like pure crystals.

Kara spent all this time thinking about this, about the nature of her relationship with Lena. She can’t believe she really missed it all. Missed the obvious looks of longing, the lingering hugs and touches, the eagerness and excitement with every text from Lena confirming she’s free for lunch. Kara’s been dating her this entire time. She’s had intense feelings of affection from the moment they met, putting it down as friendship instead.

Deep down Kara knew it wasn’t a conventional friendship. She’d never felt this way for Winn or Nia or any one of her friends. Kara’s always wanted Lena and she’s always had her, and now that she’s had more of her and it’s also been taken away from her, Kara’s filled with this agonisingly heavy feeling of want and need and it’s all so overwhelmingly painful to be away from her. Which is why when she hears the ping, she desperately grabs her phone so hard it almost breaks.

Lena

Drinks at 8.

Her heart pounds in her chest, not expecting a request – or more like a demand – like this from Lena. Kara doesn’t think, just types her stream of consciousness quickly.

Kara

lena, hi! how r u ? how was ur day ? 

i miss u loads lol. 

which bar? we can go to al’s, or the fancy one next to l-corp if ur more comfy

probably the l-corp one

lee?

Lena

Don’t be late.

Kara

i wont! pinky promise!

Kara knows her promise might not mean a thing to Lena right now, but she jumps up anyway, leaving work early to get ready. Even though there’s still three hours to go. Well, it’s too late to turn back now; she’s already in the lift going down.

She’s filled with excitement and anticipation, rushing into the alleyway and changing, flying home in record time. Kara, even with super-speed, spends an hour sifting through every single outfit she can put together. She huffs in defeat as she comes to a stop, falling onto her bed in her bra and underwear. Kara grabs her phone in defeat, scrolling through her contacts until she finds Nia’s number.

“Nia? I need your help.” It only takes 20 minutes for the young reporter to knock on Kara’s door, eyes widening when the blonde opens it still in her underwear.

“Woah! I–I can’t help you with that, Kara!” Nia exclaims, covering her eyes with her hand. Kara’s face cringes, shaking her head quickly.

“No, no, not that! Just come in.” Kara speeds to her room as Nia walks in, closing the front door behind her. Kara sounded like she was almost crying when she called her, so Nia rushed here as fast as she could.

“Oh, God.” Nia mumbles when she strolls into what she can only call a landfill of clothing taking over Kara’s typically relatively clean bedroom. She learnt from Alex that Kara was actually very messy. The other Danvers sister caught Lena tidying Kara’s bedroom once and realised she was the one keeping the blonde’s home clean and organised.

“It’s Lena. She texted me, for drinks, and I don’t know what to wear.” Kara blurts in a panic in between quick breaths, almost hyperventilating. She already knows Lena’s going to look amazing as per usual and Kara just wants to make an effort. She wants those lustful eyes, that sneaky foot crawling up her leg with want and need.

“Wear what you’d usually wear for drinks with Lena?” Nia suggests in an obvious tone. Kara’s head snaps to her with wide eyes.

“I–What?! I can’t just–This is important, Nia!” The brunette’s taken aback by Kara’s tone but she’s not really surprised. To further prove her suspicions, she pries, trying to get a reaction out of the blonde.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry. It’s not like it’s a date.” Nia smirks successfully while Kara stutters, turning to face her messy pile of clothes on the bed.

“I–Yeah. Obviously. Why would it be?” She says with a nervous chuckle, not turning quick enough for Nia to miss the tint of pink rising up her neck. It’s a wonder how she kept her secret from Lena for so long.

“Exactly. Why would it be?” Nia keeps her voice innocent, flashing Kara a wide smile when she glances over her shoulder quickly.

“I don’t know. It wouldn’t.” Kara mumbles.

“Totally.” Nia mumbles back. A moment of silence follows as she notices the tension in Kara’s posture. With a sigh, Nia walks over to the bed and sifts through Kara’s clothes. She finds a top that brings out Kara’s eyes with a cut deep enough to show a hint of cleavage. She’s really doing overtime to play matchmaker here. “Put that on. This blue looks good. Hmm…” Kara takes the top from her hands with a little hesitation, but the approving smile from Nia is enough for her to nod in acceptance. “It’s up to you if you want trousers or jeans.” Nia says, pulling out skin-tight black jeans and holding them next to flowy black trousers. “Either one of these works.” Kara takes them and stares with furrowed brows like she’s trying to make the most important decision of her life. Nia turns around, hiding her humorous smile as she tries not to laugh. Her eyes catch a glint from Kara’s open wooden box on top of her chest of drawers. “Oh! And this necklace.”

“Lena bought it for me. For my birthday last year.” Kara says quietly, her voice almost nostalgic with a hint of sadness. Nia carefully hands her the gold chain necklace. The blonde sighs as her thumb brushes over the emerald pendant.

“Then she’ll like that you’re wearing it.” She encourages with a gentle tone, giving the blonde a half-smile.

“Or she’ll rip it from my neck.” Kara groans, falling back onto the pile of clothes. 

“Kara…she asked to meet you for a reason. Surely it wouldn’t be public if she wanted to hit you.” Kara sits up at Nia’s words, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms over her chest.

“You’re underestimating how much she hates me right now. Lena’ll hit me, she just wants a glass of scotch to down after.” Kara convinces herself that this date is simply a way for Lena to punish her more, refusing to see the light in this. Of course, she’s happy to see her either way, but after receiving the cold shoulder for so long and seeing Lena on a date with someone else – and Andrea – she can’t help the negative thoughts she’s having.

“I’m sure she’s asking you for drinks to talk. You know, like normal people do.” Nia teases, sitting down next to Kara and nudging her with her elbow.

“Except we’re not normal people, we’re not even normal friends!” Kara blurts out but quickly smacks her hand over her mouth with comically wide eyes.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Nia asks with a curious brow raised high. Bingo. All that’s left is for them to kiss in front of her. That was surprisingly easy. Maybe she should start a betting pool for this…or would that be cheating considering she already knows something’s going on between them? Oh, well, no one has to know about that.

“Nothing. Nothing. Sorry, Nia, thank you for–thanks for putting the outfit together, and helping me.” Kara closes up, standing up with the blue top and the black trousers in her hand. The emerald necklace is left on the bed, but Nia picks it up and pries Kara’s hand open, forcing her to take it with a wink.

“No problem. Always here for your fashion emergencies, Kara. I’ll head out?” Nia steps to the door, a satisfied smile on her face as Kara holds the necklace to her neck, looking at the mirror as she pairs the emerald with her outfit.

“Oh, yeah. Yeah, thanks.” She mumbles distractedly.

“Let me know how it goes?”

“Totally.” They’re totally smashing tonight.

Kara’s heart is beating out of her chest and has been since Lena first texted her. The fact that she can hear Lena’s heartbeat right now as she approaches the bar only makes her feel worse. She feels like she’s about to throw up, overcome with anxiety and fear and every possible negative emotion out there. It’s overwhelming to feel all this at once and Kara’s never been able to hide the way she feels, not with Lena at least.

There’s a line outside which never made sense to Kara. The music is light but still too loud for a bar in her opinion – does that mean Lena didn’t come here to talk? She goes to wait in line, but she’s stopped by a muscled, tall man with a considerably large tattoo of a lion on his neck – the bouncer, she assumes from his dark clothes and walkie-talkie.

“Miss Danvers?” He asks her in a deep, rumbling voice, somehow knowing who she is. Lena must have given him a pretty detailed description. She flashes him a nervous smile.

“Yes?”

“Miss Luthor’s waiting inside for you.” He states simply before turning around. Kara forgets to move for a second before speed-walking to catch up to him. She ignores the line of annoyed people waiting to get in, whispering ‘sorry’s as she follows the bouncer through the bar.

Her heart pounds even faster, even louder as she gets closer and closer to Lena. She can see the back of her head in the far booth and that’s enough for her to want to fly out. What if she slaps her? What if she’s asked Kara here to yell at her? Or worse, officially end their friendship? Or relationship. She doesn’t know what to call it now.

“Thank you, Zeke.” Kara’s pounding heart freezes at the sound of Lena’s voice. Oh, this is bad. This is so bad. Only three words, not even directed at Kara, and she’s frozen in her spot just behind the bouncer. She has it bad and she’s so confused about how she never noticed this before.

Years of friendship, years of movie nights and game nights, of late dinners and early lunches. Kara has always smiled, always jumped and perked up at the sound of Lena’s voice, at hearing her steady heartbeat from across the city, at seeing her, spending time with her. All this time, how could she not have seen how unplatonic her feelings were?

“Are you going to stand there like a statue or sit down, Miss Danvers?” Lena states in a calm and collected voice, showing none of her true emotions. Kara stutters with a frown, taking the last few steps forward to be able to get a glimpse of Lena’s face.

“We–We’re back to…Miss Danvers?” She questions, frowning further when the ravenhead snaps her head to glare at Kara.

“Sit down.” She demands and Kara has no choice but to obey.

“O–Okay. Okay.” The hero gulps as Lena’s eyes stay trained on her, watching the blonde take her seat across from her. “You look nice.” She whispers, clearing her throat when Lena’s raised brow causes a blush to creep up her neck.

“Nice?” Lena questions, a finger circling the top of her glass on the table. Kara gulps as she watches her finger, hypnotised as her eyes spin with it.

“I–Not that you don’t look nice all the time. Nice isn’t–I mean, I don’t want to objectify you so I can’t say sexy or hot or, like, making my stomach feel funny, but you–you look nice. Good. You look good.” Kara blurts, blushing as she trips over her words. God, she can’t help feeling a little embarrassed. The power Lena holds over her is…intoxicating. It’s intoxicating, Kara thinks as Lena scans her face with darkened eyes, pursed lips, a flush on her cheeks probably from the alcohol she’s likely consumed before Kara arrived.

“You told me green was your favourite colour.” The ravenhead observes, eyes glancing down at the emerald necklace around Kara’s neck. It’s a little low and Kara knows for sure that green eyes drift lower than the necklace; it’s like she looks through her shirt, already knowing what’s underneath. Her eyes darken slightly but she looks back up, meeting Kara’s baby blues.

“It is.” Kara answers with a quick nod, hand involuntarily going up to touch the pendant. “It used to be red. But I–I’d never seen green or–I’d never seen any colour look as good as the shade in your eyes.” The confession comes out in a whisper, floating through the air to Lena’s ears. Her eyes flutter slightly as Kara’s sweet words break the mask – just for a second but it’s enough for the blonde to smile widely, blushing as she looks down at her hands intertwined in her lap.

“I can’t forgive you.” The smile slips off Kara’s lips at the murmured words. Lena forces her eyes down too, avoiding the puppy-dog eyes the blonde’s throwing her way. It’s not like Kara’s doing it on purpose; she’s just…hurt. She feels a ball swell up in her throat, unable to swallow it despite how hard she tries.

“Oh.” She chokes out, mouth feeling dry, eyes feeling wet. This is okay, right? This is what she expected. The end of their friendship. The last thing she honestly expected was for Lena to forgive her anyway. This is okay.

“But I…I–” Lena struggles, stutters, Kara thinking that she’s not hiding her true emotions this time. The mask is cracked, just like her voice as she looks up to find Kara staring at her with a tight smile and glossy eyes.

“It’s okay. I get it. I…I knew it was a risk, this was the risk, and I just thought you being safe outweighed the–” The hero’s shaky words are put to a stop by Lena’s loud burst interruption of her name.

“Kara.” Her heart pounds in her chest, already feeling like she’s about to burst into a sob that even potstickers and ice cream can’t fix. “I can’t forgive you.” Lena whispers again, eyes a little softer, glancing at Kara’s lips for a moment. “But I can’t stop thinking about you.” She confesses, barely audible to even Kara with the thumping, loud music in the background. But she hears. Kara hears and her heart stops pounding, just…stops in general, waiting for more elaboration; she’s too terrified to get her hopes up in case this is just another set-up for disappointment. There’s another ‘but’, another confession bound to break her heart; Lena wants to go, wants to leave the city and get as far away as possible from Kara.

“Oh.” Kara mumbles, already coming up with a hundred different ways this could go. But Lena bites her bottom lip, red staining her teeth. She can hear Lena’s tongue brushing against her teeth, cleaning them before Kara feels…

“Thinking about…” She feels a sharp heel at her ankle. “Us.”

“Us.” Kara squeaks, fists tightening in self-restraint as Lena’s heel presses harder, sliding up her calve. Oh. Oh, God, she was so, so wrong about everything.

“We…It was good.” It was. “And frankly, I don’t want to stop.” She confesses, voice darker, huskier, lower as she thinks back to their time in Lena’s penthouse. Kara’s mind flashes back to it too, sitting up slightly, jumping when Lena’s foot slides higher.

“Me neither.” She blurts desperately, eyes flickering down to Lena’s mouth as the ravenhead’s teeth make another appearance to nip at her bottom lip. Kara never thought it’d be possible to feel jealous of teeth.

“But I need to set some rules and–” Kara interrupts with wide eyes and pink-tinted cheeks.

“Anything. Whatever you want, Lee.” She practically submits, thinking it’s a different type of rules she wants to set. But ultimately, she’s left disappointed at Lena’s clarification.

“Friendship is off the table.” Her face drops, shoulders slumping. No friendship? They’ve been building an amazing, close, intimate friendship for years; surely Lena wouldn’t just throw that all away over one mistake? “So is a…relationship. I don’t want anything to do with your life or…or Supergirl’s.” Lena pushes out through gritted teeth ignoring the defeated look on Kara’s face.

“Ever?” Lena doesn’t answer and Kara tells herself it’s hope. It’s her being unsure, not knowing what she wants yet but not willing to be vulnerable enough with Kara to tell her that. But Lena tells herself she doesn’t want to be the thing that breaks Supergirl’s hope, so she keeps it to herself. “Lee…” Kara whispers, leaning forward to reach a hand over but Lena retreats hers quickly.

“Yes or no, Kara?” The hero’s at a crossroads. Lena’s made it pretty binary for her; it’s a yes, or a no. 

A yes means they go back to Lena’s penthouse with rough kisses and even rougher hands, and also means Kara leaves the moment she’s done, the moment Lena decides she’s had her fill. It’ll be a painful cycle of intimate affection followed by cold distance.

A no means she goes home, alone, and Lena goes home, alone. Kara sits in her apartment listening to Lena’s heart beating across the city, a longing in her chest that keeps her up all night, has her robotically going to work in the morning and coming back home feeling empty. It’ll be a painful cycle of Lena deprivation.

Kara’s at a crossroads.

Kara’s not at a crossroads. She knew her answer deep down because she’s experienced the cruel pain of both; she can just about survive if she still has Lena in some form, but being deprived of her is Kara’s greatest nightmare.

Instead of giving her a straight answer, Kara just about managed to nod her head, mouth hung open as she stuttered at the ravenhead. They only stayed for another minute or two until Lena finished her drink with her heeled foot pressed directly against Kara’s aching core.

“Rao, so pretty. You’re so pretty, Lee.” Kara mumbles against pillowy lips that taste like scotch and fruits and Lena. The hero presses a thigh between Lena’s legs, breathing her gasp in; her lips immediately trail hard kisses down a pale neck when the ravenhead throws her head back.

Soft whimpers spill out of her mouth as Kara’s thigh presses hard, firm, letting Lena roll her hips as best as she can with her back pushed against the mirror in the lift. Harsh, desperate lips kiss along Lena’s neck, teeth scrape and nip her skin, a tongue soothes the throbbing pain that comes with every bite.

Lena pays no attention to the ping of the lift doors opening on her floor, pays no mind to them floating as Kara wraps her arms around curvy hips and leads them into the penthouse. She’s consumed by her citric scent and sugary lips, the vegan coconut shampoo in her hair, her strong arms and her muscled back that flexes under Lena’s digging nails.

“Did you eat today?” Kara’s words don’t register in her head, the ravenhead too caught up in the hot breath against her neck.

“What?” She pants out with a hand tangled in blonde locks.

“Lunch? Or dinner?” Sweet Kara, ever-so-persistent, ever-so-caring. The sigh Lena lets out is one of frustration, both sexual and emotional. She’s drained and looking for some relief, and Kara’s wide, worried eyes are making this way harder than it needs to be.

“No.”

“What? You always forget to eat. I can fly out and get some–”

“Kara.” The blonde shakes her head at Lena’s disappointed tone, her hesitant eyes that are saying she may be regretting this, may be questioning her proposal of…whatever this is.

“Right. Sorry, that falls under ‘friendship’, right? My bad. I’m sorry.” Kara mutters in a quick dismissal of her own emotions, lips surging forward to smash against Lena’s in a heated kiss. The ravenhead’s worries and doubts disappear as she sinks into Kara’s strong arms. It’s only a matter of seconds before Lena’s being placed so gently on her bed, Kara’s soft body sticking to hers in a desperate attempt to keep their lips attached.

Indulgence is not a luxury Lena’s ever been given. Once she was caught with a chocolate bar in her school bag; her friend had noticed her packed lunch was filled with nothing but healthy food that was ‘boring’ and ‘tasteless’, according to Eleanor. Cut up carrots for the heart, sliced banana for the vitamins, a tofu salad for protein. Lena never got around to eating the chocolate bar Eleanor gave her, spending the rest of her school day biting her nails in fear as she contemplated what to do.

“Can I…” Lena breathes out, trailing off as she second-guesses herself. Kara’s lips let go of her neck with a wet sound that sends a throb to Lena’s already heated core.

“Hmm?” The blonde’s mumble vibrates against Lena’s lips when she pecks them just because she can. She looks down at Lena with eyes foggy with lust and seeing that look being directed at her by Kara has Lena’s stomach doing flips.

“I want to taste you.” Lena decides to indulge. The ever-so-busy CEO decides she deserves indulgence and she ignores the little voice inside her head telling her she’s already been allowing herself to indulge ever since Kara flew into her life. Kara, sweet Kara with her strawberry-filled doughnuts she practically shoves into Lena’s mouth. Kara, with her potstickers and pizza and coffee frappuccinos so sweet she can barely taste the bitterness she’s so used to having on her tongue.

“Do you have Kryptonite?” Kara whispers her question, kissing along Lena’s jaw that clenches at the accusatory words. Kara’s tone is anything but, so she’s quick to frown, holding Lena’s cheek in her soft hands to force their eyes to connect. “You know I don’t mean it like that.” Kara’s almost scolding her for thinking that low of her, but can Lena really be blamed for being defensive after Supergirl lied to her?

“Forget I asked. Just fuck me.” Lena sighs against Kara’s lips, trying to catch them again but the blonde pulls back with knitted brows.

“Or a red sun lamp. I mean, do you happen to have anything experimental in a small quantity because I really want you to…do that, but I also really don’t want to end up crushing your head with my thighs.” Oh. Well, that makes sense. It does, but it could also be an excuse–

“I may have some…experimental Kryptonite to tinker with. For science.” Lena answers slowly, not sure how Kara would respond to the news that she’s keeping her biggest weakness in her penthouse. Little does Lena know Kara’s biggest weakness was in this penthouse long before the Kryptonite the ravenhead only brought in here a few weeks ago.

“Do you want to leave that for another day then? You can make me a bracelet or a necklace or something.” Kara offers, her tone gentle as she kisses the corner of Lena’s mouth, trailing softer kisses down her cheek and back along her jaw again. What she’s really asking for is confirmation that there will be ‘another day’. Another night like this.

“I can work with that.” Those were her last words for the next couple of minutes as the pair take far too long to undress each other, reluctant to end their intense liplock. 

Kara’s never known addiction like this. She just wants and wants and wants so much that she’s terrified of breaking away. If Lena pulls her lips away, Kara’s drop down to her neck, hands freely roaming the ravenhead’s curves. If Lena moans at soft lips sucking harshly, Kara moans right back, humming against her skin. She’s so receptive and responsive to her touch and Kara’s overwhelmed with her newly discovered feelings and lust and she just wants and that’s all she’s sure of.

She’s sure that the pulse between her legs gets stronger when Lena sighs sensually directly into Kara’s ear, lips brushing against her earlobe. She’s sure her mind’s foggy, eyes unfocused as they roll to the back of her head in reaction to Lena arching her back against her. She’s sure that she’s made it her goal to have Lena’s thighs tightening around her head, forgetting her own name by the end of the night.

But Kara starts with a hand. A hand holding Lena’s jaw as gently as she can, a hand that applies just a little pressure, enough to get the ravenhead to open those beautiful eyes of hers that are clouded with lust. Lena stays silent as Kara insists on keeping their eyes locked together. She decides Lena’s dress is staying on.

Her hand trails down Lena’s neck, scraping across her collarbone and between the valley of her breasts as she purposely avoids touching them. That action has Lena holding back a whine, arching her back just slightly in protest; Kara’s lips form a cocky smirk at Lena’s silent desperation.

The same hand trails down the silk of her dress, feeling her heated skin beneath the thin material; Kara’s nails scrape Lena’s skin who shudders. Pale skin feels hypersensitive to Kara’s touch. Lena can’t help her slight panting against Kara’s lips, the anticipation keeping her on her toes, Kara’s baby blues refusing to break their intense gaze.

“God…” Lena sighs against Kara’s slightly parted lips when she feels her dress sliding up her thigh. The blonde’s lips brush against Lena’s as her hand rubs gentle circles over Lena’s inner thigh before grabbing, kneading, blunt nails digging a little.

“You feel so soft.” Kara whispers in observation, pecking Lena’s lips because they’re too close to her mouth to leave unkissed. The CEO can’t handle being teased like this, deprived of being touched in the place she needs the most. It’s clear in the impatient clench of her jaw, the way her nails dig into Kara’s shoulder blades, the way she lets out the softest whine of protest with rolling hips.

Lena stays silent, refusing to beg and give up her power. Patience is an easy feat for her; she’s been patient for years with intense…feelings towards Kara, keeping them locked away. Lena can wait with soft, strong fingers teasing her inner thighs, trailing up and down, side to side, too close but not close enough to her pulsing heat. Even though Kara’s breath is hot against her lips, hitched whenever her fingers get close enough to feel Lena radiating heat – it lets Lena know the blonde is just as needy, just as affected by this teasing she’s perpetuating.

“Are you going to fuck me any time soon?” Lena asks bluntly, dominance in her unwavering tone. Kara’s hooded eyes widen a little at the filthy words. But she complies because how could she not?

Kara slides her hand down quickly, fingers slipping through Lena’s soaked slit without warning; she did it for selfish reasons, just so she could breathe in the gasp Lena lets out. The gasp escapes from plump, parted lips that Kara pecks again as her fingers explore. They’ve done this before, but it was fast and over before Kara could even process what happened. She can’t be blamed for wanting to take her time now, wanting to feel every inch of Lena, know exactly what touch is connected to what sound.

“Fuck, don’t tease.” Lena groans and Kara can’t be blamed for her involuntary whimper at the sound, digging her face into the ravenhead’s neck as she gives her what she wants with thrusting fingers. Soft, melodious moans flow into Kara’s ears as Lena rolls her hips upwards, matching Kara’s hard thrusts.

Laying in bed hours later with tangled limbs and her head trapped between Lena’s legs, Kara scolds herself for even thinking she could be at a crossroads. Letting Lena go was never an option.

Lena wakes up alone, just as she had a month ago the morning after the night of the proposition. As much as she appreciates Kara’s caring nature and respect for Lena’s wishes, the CEO always wakes up feeling…cold. Cold, both in body and soul, waking up to an empty bed and messy sheets, the only evidence of Kara’s nightly presence being the slick mess between Lena’s legs and a still piping hot black sugarless coffee on her kitchen island. Even the coffee doesn’t keep her as warm as Kara does and the bitter taste in her mouth is more than just the lack of sugar. 

Luthors spend their time in the cold, almost thrive in it. The oversized mansion Lena lived in was empty – littered to the brim with antiques and figurines that used to scare Lena half to death, but still hollow, dark, and so cold. Their annual holidays were never really holidays, not like the ones she knew other kids her age were going on. Forget the beaches, the waterparks, the exotic resorts on the coast of Greece. The Luthors spent their holidays in cold climates: Russia, Denmark, Sweden, Norway.

That’s not to say they weren’t beautiful. Lena trudged around in layers upon layers of thick clothing, her favourite puffy jacket that Lillian absolutely hated, a scarf, hat, gloves. She forced her feet through the thick layers of snow just to get the perfect view for the camera swinging around her neck.

Maybe she grew to love the cold because of the way the sun rose and melted a little of it away. Maybe she sometimes liked sitting by the fireplace in a big sweater with Lex across from her staring at the chess board with narrowed eyes and a competitive stance. Maybe she even enjoyed the way he’d sit back with a defeated sigh that had an undertone of pride for his adoptive sister.

But when she was left alone with a jailed madman of a brother and a venomous cold stepmother who refused to give her an ounce of empathy having poured it all to her son, Lena was reminded of how much she hated the cold. She spent years convincing herself it wasn’t so bad but, truthfully, the cold is a cruel punishment. And now, as she sits alone in her penthouse with the memory of warmth, of shared heat, of the bright glow of Kara’s eyes that melts Lena’s iceberg of a heart, she’s left thinking this is her punishment.

She’s punishing herself and she knows she is. Punishing herself for being foolish enough to believe any of the lies Kara Danvers fed her; punishing herself for believing she was deserving of friendship, of love, of empathy Lillian never gave; punishing herself for craving it all and being weak enough to take it from Kara in the form of quick hands and smooth tongues and baby blue–

She has to scold herself, burn her tongue with the hot coffee to remind herself that what she was with Kara is nothing but lust and an outlet for her frustrations. Baby blues are not what she should be thinking about, what she should be focusing on. Which is why when Kara flies back onto her balcony Friday night, Lena refuses to look her in the eyes. Instead, she turns Kara around and presses her against the glass door of the balcony.

“Lee, hey, what’s–” Kara tries to speak with a gentle but confused laugh, but Lena shuts her up quickly with harsh kisses and bites along the back of her neck. She strips the blonde of her suit making sure her nails leave scratches along her skin that fade in seconds.

It’s only a minute before Lena’s fingers are buried deep into Kara with her other hand tangled into her locks to press her cheek against the glass. The blonde takes all she can get with soft groans and heavy pants, pushing back against Lena’s brutal thrusts.

“Rao, Lena…” Kara moans her name and it’s not often she hears it, not when Kara’s usually the one that insists on dropping to her knees the moment she comes into Lena’s penthouse. The ravenhead didn’t consider this when she decided she just wanted to fuck her to remind herself what this is. She didn’t take into account the way Kara drags out her name, the way she enunciates every letter with a precise roll of her tongue, the way she moans her name again and again so soft and gentle like Lena’s name is delicate and Kara doesn’t want to break it.

“Don’t speak.” Lena hisses her command but it comes out a little shaky, enough for Kara to frown just a little. But the blonde’s caught up in her pleasures and doesn’t push further than an understanding sigh and nod of her head that has her cheek rubbing noisily against the glass.

When Kara’s on the edge, she gently removes Lena’s fingers and replaces them with her own; the CEO stands back and watches with hungry eyes as Kara humps on her fingers, body twitching and hovering slightly in the air with her super-suit discarded in a pool on the ground. She really needs to get that red sun lamp done soon.

When Kara comes up from between Lena’s legs after her third orgasm, she leaves wet kisses up her stomach, between her breasts, across her collarbone until she reaches her lips. But she pauses, trying to look into those eyes that she’s been deprived of all night. Lena forces her face away, shoving at Kara’s chest until the hero falls onto her side of the bed with a frustrated sigh.

Kara hates the cold. The first time she found herself loving it was when she met Lena Luthor. Lena Luthor with her cold glare and guarded eyes and cold fingers that Kara loved warming up with her hot ones. She held her best friend’s hand the first time when she pulled her along to an ice cream shop she spotted in the distance, even though she had just forced Lena to have a bite of her cheesecake after the ravenhead treated her for lunch.

The second, third, fourth, and 50th time happened just as naturally as the first – she says naturally but what she means is she wanted to hold her hand and found an excuse to do so. Kara hated the cold, and then she fell for Lena without realising she had. Then she told herself she loved it because she loves Lena and she’s her best friend, right? Kara has to be patient and understanding and caring; she can’t be pushy when the CEO cancels lunch again without much of a reason but ‘busy’, or get upset with her when she gives nothing but a tight smile at the mention of something that triggers a deep, dark memory she wishes to keep buried deep.

But now…now she knows she’s been convincing herself she loves the cold when what she really loved was being the sun that melted Lena’s thick and high walls of ice. Now that the cold is back in those eyes, Kara’s left shivering in bed while the ravenhead lays just beside her, refusing to give an ounce of vulnerability back to Kara’s wide and open eyes. Kara hates the cold.

“I know we have our, uh, rules. But I’m tired, can I just…sleep here? For the night?” It’s a bad excuse as far as excuses go.

“Seriously?” Lena knows well enough that Kara can fly home and it won’t take more than a second to do so. She counters Kara’s stuttering and obvious nerves as she goes to push her invisible glasses up just to hit the bridge of her nose. A flush takes over her cheeks in embarrassment which makes Lena scold herself for finding it so cute.

“I can take the couch. Just…I just wanna stay. If you’ll let me.” She somehow looks and sounds so small with eyes wide and hopeful, finally catching a glimpse of Lena’s greens directed at her. They hold contact for a few seconds, Kara because she’s missed flying through the forest in her eyes and Lena because she wishes she could fly in Kara’s blue skies without the fear of falling and landing with a shattered heart.

“Couch.” She curtly spits out, yielding to her own surprise. She forces her eyes away when Kara’s lips stretch into an impossibly wide smile that radiates sunshine.

“Thank you, Lee. I appreciate it.” The blonde whispers, letting out a soft huff of a mix of disbelief and happiness. Lena feels like an absolute asshole and she usually tells herself she has every right to be one but there’s a hint of guilt chipping away at her heart this time.

“Goodnight, Kara.” She mutters her goodbye, shuffling until she’s facing away from the blonde standing at her door with a sheet wrapped around her.

“Sweet dreams, Lena.” Kara whispers; Lena’s ears follow her every soft step until she hears a soft squeak of the leather as Kara lays down. She hears it again and again over the next few minutes until the blonde stills, sleeping peacefully. Lena’s breathing steadies seconds after.

Truth be told, it was probably one of if not the best night’s sleep she’s had since that night she found out about Kara’s double life. It felt warmer, like Kara was radiating her heat all the way from the living room, warmer than she had ever felt in her hollow childhood mansion even with the sleeping bodies of her small family and helpers around the large house.

When she wakes up that morning, she’s still alone but there’s a butter croissant in a paper bag with a logo and writing that she knows is from one of her favourite bakeries in France. There’s also a sticky note with nothing but a ‘:)’ signed off with a ‘K’. Even though it’s fairly chilly outside and in the penthouse, Lena’s skin flushes and she catches herself with a soft smile on her face throughout her day of back-to-back meetings and proofreading contracts. She lets herself think that maybe some warmth is exactly what she’s needed all these years.

It’s Alex who finally asks what Nia’s been eager to inquire about for months. Nia doesn’t blame her, of course, because Kara has been really weird and smiley for the last two months. Nia’s noticed Kara’s been less mopey since drinks with Lena but ‘less mopey’ is nothing compared to Kara walking around the kitchen smiling and humming.

“Okay, not that I’m not happy you’re no longer drowning in tubs of ice cream, but care to enlighten us on what’s been going on with you and Lena?” Alex’s question has everyone freezing in their spots. Nia and Brainy stop trying to throw grapes into each other’s mouths from the two sides of the couch; J’onn’s beer bottle freezes halfway up to his lips; Kelly’s dropped the dice that was shaking in her hand for her turn in Monopoly.

“Why–I don’t–What does Lena have to do with anything?” Kara stutters, breaking the silence after a moment too long of contemplation with her back to Alex and her hands in the sink.

“She has to do with everything. She always has. It’s clear you care about her more than anyone because she’s your–” Alex starts with a soft laugh, knowing Kara’s friendship with Lena has always been special. But she never suspected anything other than friendship until Kara interrupts her just now with an outburst.

“We’re just friends! There’s nothing going on between me and Lena!” Kara yells out before throwing her hand up to her mouth. Even Nia without enhanced abilities would hear a pin drop in the room right now. Alex carefully steps forward, pushing herself off the counter.

“I meant…because she’s your best friend.” Alex says in a whisper, just for Kara to hear. The blonde’s lips are trembling at this point, eyes wide as she begs Alex not to push this further. “Kara, is there…is there something you want to talk about? Privately?” Tears swell up in her eyes and she’s out of the room and slamming her bedroom door before Alex can even blink. Of course she had to push. Her sister comes knocking at her bedroom door in seconds with a panicked voice. “Hey! Hey, Kar, open up, come on. I just want to help. Kara?” Alex sighs heavily, whispering to the others. “I’m sorry for pushing. I didn’t know.” Kara only opens her door with tears streaming down her face when everyone but Alex leaves. “Kar…” Her sister whispers with a frown at the pain on the blonde’s face.

“I love her.” Kara whimpers out in a croaky voice.

“I know you do. Come here.” Alex holds her arms out, tone filled with sympathy for her sister. Kara lets herself fall into the familiarity of her arms, letting out a heart-wrenching sob into Alex’s neck. Gentle fingers trail up and down Kara’s back, soothing her as she cries. They somehow make it onto the couch when Kara’s sobbing turns to silent tears and heavy, unsteady breaths.

As much as she wants to protect Lena’s privacy, this is something she’s going through too and she really needs her sister right now. Everything comes out in a burst; words blur together, salty tears drip onto her lips, hitched breaths have Alex leaning over with a hand on Kara’s to keep her grounded. She tells her story from the start, from Lena exposing she knows, from the kisses, Kara’s jealousy and confusing feelings. Kara skips the details of the duality of Lena’s lips, incredibly soft but roughly attacking her mouth, skin, desperate to mark her but never being able to.

She tells Alex of the nights she’s spent at Lena’s with nothing but a cold shoulder after she’s had her fill. She recalls Lena’s lips touching hers before uttering a hello, dragging Kara to the bedroom without answering whether she’s had dinner yet or not. The unanswered texts and one-sided conversations, Lena’s simple ‘my place’ text coming up on her phone every few days purposely avoiding answering Kara’s questions and rambles about her days. By the time she’s done, Alex’s jaw is clenched so hard Kara can hear her teeth grinding roughly together.

“You can’t keep punishing yourself like this.” Although her voice sounds rough, her words are tender and filled with care. But they do have Kara pausing, brows furrowing together in confusion.

“What do you mean?”

“You want more, and Lena’s not willing to give you that. It’s not fair to you, Kara, and the reason you put up with it is because you feel guilty for lying to her. You’re torturing yourself here.” Alex attempts to tread carefully but Kara’s quick to snap her hand away from her sister’s touch. It’s an uncomfortable feeling being analysed like this, being forced to face a reality that she doesn't want to believe.

“I’m–That–No, that’s not what this is. I’m just giving her time.” Kara attempts to convince herself more than Alex. This doesn’t elude her sister who flashes her a sad smile.

“Kara…” Alex tries but the blonde’s shaking her head rapidly, hair waving from side to side with shiny eyes fresh with tears.

“Don’t do that. Don’t turn this into something it’s not. Of course I feel guilty and of course I’m trying to make it up to her but describing this as torture is nothing compared to what I did. Nothing. Nothing compared to Lena having to rethink our entire friendship, Lena closing her walls back up and regretting ever opening up to any one of us, Lena thinking I did all of this because of that stupid last name. This is nothing, I deserve this, she didn’t deserve what I did.”

Kara only realises the implication of her words after she’s blurting them out with cheeks reddened with anger. She’s unsure why she’s even angry, why she feels hot inside, feels a clench and ache around her heart, a deafening pounding in her ears. Kara hasn’t had an easy life, to say the least, but she’s never been one that becomes all consumed with her guilt and pain. Kara’s been hopeful, Kara’s had healthy coping mechanisms, and Kara thinks everyone deserves a chance at redemption. Apart from now. Now, Alex looks at Kara like she feels sorry for her, like Kara needs help like she’s somehow the victim in all of this. And Kara's hit with the realisation that she's not sleeping with Lena for redemption. It was never about earning her trust again; it was pain for pain, a heart for a heart.

“No one deserves to suffer.” Alex whispers as Kara’s shoulders slump. “I can’t make your decisions for you, but I’m here, Kar. Whatever you need.”

Kara doesn’t take Alex’s advice. She’s always been stubborn and always wants to do what is right. Can she be blamed for thinking doing this is setting things right? It’s what Lena wants, what she needs from Kara and maybe…maybe she’ll forgive her one day. Lena thinks Kara’s been using her this entire time, so what’s the harm in the hero letting Lena use her this time?

Well, her heart. That’s the harm, according to Alex. And if Kara puts her stubbornness aside, she would agree with Alex. Her sister knows she would which is why it’s so frustrating to see Kara like this. She sees Kara sulking sometimes but smiling at a text from Lena just for that smile to deflate a little at the contents of the message. She sees Kara convince herself that it’s okay, that she’s happy to see Lena either way even if there are no words but only sounds exchanged between them.

Alex doesn’t want to just sit and do nothing about it, but she knows she can’t cross any lines because the situation is delicate enough as is. So she sits and lets Kara do what she wants to do. Alex sits and lets Kara fly off late during their movie nights when she’s almost asleep anyway. The blonde comes back hours later and leaves early again – for whatever reason, Alex can’t think of it.

But then Kara comes home with fresh tears she’s failed at hiding and Alex snaps.

“Fuck, oh, don’t you dare stop.” Lena’s soft moans flow into Kara’s waiting ears. The blonde pants into Lena’s pale neck wishing she’d be allowed to mark her but knowing if she tries she’ll be pulled off.

Lena’s legs wrap tighter around Kara’s waist, pulling her in closer, the strap delving in deeper. It pulls out a gasp followed by a string of low moans and soft sighs and, Rao, Kara’s mind is so full of her. She never wants to think of anything else again.

The blonde pumps into Lena with a newfound desire to make her scream, make her lose her mind for a few seconds, just a moment or two where she’d let down her guard and Kara would get a glimpse into what she hides in those shielded eyes. Kara keeps a big folder in her brain storing every sound Lena makes. This one is a new one.

“Ka–Fuck, oh, please.” Kara notices the slip-up. Fuck, she notices it and she fixates on it, on the first two letters of her name, on the first syllable, the first hint of how Lena sounds like moaning her name. She’s never done that. Never. The CEO has been ever-so-careful to keep things as far as she could from treading too personal.

“Rao, Lee.” Kara whimpers into Lena’s ear, already obsessed with the sound. The way she doesn’t pronounce the ‘K’ lazily, the way she drew out the ‘A’ into an airy sound before stopping herself; Kara’s obsessed.

Lena’s soft moans shift to high-pitched whines, her lips brushing against Kara’s ear with every brutal thrust. She’s pushed back on the bed but Kara’s arms wrapped around her keep the ravenhead close like she’s terrified of letting go.

“More. I need–” Lena pants out and Kara doesn’t want to shift, doesn’t want to move her arm away from Lena’s soft back. Instead, she pulls back and connects their eyes and Lena’s too tired to fight. She’s too tired, too close, and so what if she lets herself be vulnerable for a moment just for the high? So what if the intense look of adoration Kara gives her has butterflies floating in her stomach?

“So beautiful.” Kara mumbles before attaching their lips as gently as she can, barely brushing against them. Its feathery lips, a perfect roll of her hips dragging the head of the strap against Lena’s walls, it’s those baby blues that look bright even in the darkness of her bedroom. Lena can’t believe the tight coil just below her stomach, can’t fathom the way her breath hitches and catches in her throat, can’t comprehend how she tights around Kara’s strap and reaches her high from the gentlest of touches, the softest of pressures. It’s the tenderness and Kara and she’s too exhausted, mind too foggy to restrain herself. She indulges, but when Kara falls onto her with a laugh and Lena lets herself laugh a breathy sound back, she regrets the indulgence.

“I’ve really missed that.” Kara whispers into her neck, her lips brushing over Lena’s skin, tongue 'accidentally' poking out every few seconds.

“Missed what?”

“Your laugh.” Kara confesses nonchalantly and Lena…Lena feels butterflies again but this time there are hundreds of them and it’s like they’re crawling inside her stomach; she hates it. It all catches up to her. The intimate looks, intimate touches, intimate words and she can’t handle it anymore.

“What are you doing, Kara?” Lena questions with a frustrated sigh as the blonde kisses down her neck to her chest.

“Making you feel good.” She mumbles as her tongue flicks over Lena’s peaked bud. But the CEO tugs on her hair and Kara looks up and smiles and maybe Lena forgets for a second. She forgets why she’s mad in the first place, why she’s so adamant about not smiling back at the angel on top of her right now. But it all hits her at once when she matches those eyes to that of Supergirl’s and she’s shoving at Kara’s chest and scrambling off her own bed in seconds. “Lena, what’s–”

“This isn’t what we agreed upon. You can’t say things like that, can’t look at me like that, can’t–” Lena rants but stops when Kara scoffs, a sound she hasn’t heard yet from the blonde.

“Rao, I can’t even look at you anymore? Why are we going backwards?” She complains, sitting up in bed without a care in the world about her nakedness. Kara’s clear comfortability only makes everything feel even more intimate. It’s difficult to find her clothes when the blonde’s always throwing them haphazardly after peeling them off Lena so slowly, but she manages to tug her panties up her legs and Kara’s button-up shirt over her shoulders.

“Intimacy is not what I want. You can either keep it sexual or this arrangement is over.” Lena puts on her CEO voice, crossing her arms over her chest with finality. She faces Kara who looks at her like Lena just booted her puppy across a football pitch.

“Does that mean our friendship would be over too?” She asks in a suddenly quiet voice, the comfort and nonchalance leaving her body as she slowly lifts the sheets over her chest. Although Lena knows it’s for the best, the sight has her fighting a frown and clenching her jaw.

“It never began considering you’ve been lying to me from the start.” Lena hisses with a permanent glare on her face.

“Christ, Lena, I don’t know what you want me to do! I thought us–I thought this was us working towards forgiveness, fixing what we had!” Kara’s brows furrow together while Lena scoffs.

“Seriously? What have you done to fix us? You haven’t proven your lies were for good or given any justification for them.” Lena’s glare breaks a little at Kara’s next words and the volume of her frustrated voice.

“Because you won’t let me! Anytime I try to talk about us you shut me down and stick your fucking fingers in me instead!” Even Kara herself looks shocked at her own crude words. Lena simply watches, trying not to break down her walls, doing her best to keep the glare on her face. She watches as Kara stares at her lap for a moment, mind clearly going into overdrive. “I’m sorry but I don’t…I don’t deserve this. I know I hurt you but that gives you no right to purposely break my heart over and over again. I can’t do this anymore, Lena.” She whispers following her words with a heavy sigh.

Lena can’t get a single word out because Kara’s gone in a flash by the time her shaky lips part. She doesn’t bother getting changed; the CEO heads straight for the liquor cabinet in her kitchen and pulls out a half-empty bottle of scotch. With a shaky hand, she attempts to pour it into her glass but the tight feeling in her chest is too strong to shove down anymore. With a frustrated cry and trembling hands, glass cracks on her floor. It’s not enough, it’s never enough so her fist drops down angrily against the marble countertop, a sickening sound filling her ears. She slides down onto the floor with heavy sobs and tears streaming down her face.

Kara hears it all. She hears everything all the way from where she’s stood outside Alex’s door and Lena’s pain triggers her own tears. Her sister opens the door to Kara’s crying face and immediately hardens at the sight; she hardens with anger, with protectiveness, but then softens with open arms that her sister all but speeds into.

Alex is angry. But she saves that anger for another day.

Today is that other day. It’s been almost two weeks since her little sister came to her in tears; two weeks of reverting to tubs of ice cream, to mood swings, to stuffing potstickers into her mouth for an entire night and craving nothing but tears the following night. If seeing Kara crying didn’t set her off, seeing her reject food did the job.

It’s a quiet day and that makes it all the better; she can take a longer lunch without it being an issue. As much as she wants to go in all guns blazing – who can blame her when all she sees in her mind are teary blue eyes and pouty lips? – Alex knows that’s probably going to make things worse. That’s the last thing she wants for her sister.

She wants to hate Lena for what she’s been doing. God, she wants to despise her for using her sister, for leading her on, torturing her as some cruel punishment all while refusing to listen to the hero’s side of the story. But that’s exactly why Alex can’t hate her, because Lena hasn’t really heard the other side well enough and she can’t blame her for not wanting to.

So, Alex buys two coffees, both black, as well as a meaty sandwich for herself and a salad for the busy CEO. She waits like she knew she would have to as Lena sits in her office deciding whether she should even give Alex the time of day, but only a minute passes before Alex is called into her office.

“Agent Danvers. To what do I owe this…unusual visit?” Lena chooses her words carefully. It’s the first thing Alex notices: she’s cold again. It’s what she was used to when she first met the ravenhead.

“Lunch.” Alex says simply, sitting across from Lena after placing the salad and coffee closer to the CEO’s side of the desk. Lena raises a perfect brow and clenches her jaw in restraint.

“Agent–” She pushes through gritted teeth but Alex is quick to stop her.

“Cut it out, Luthor.” She interrupts bluntly with a roll of her eyes. The tight clench of the ravenhead’s jaw only gets tighter as she looks off to the side.

“Back to Luthor, I see. Now that the truth has been revealed you no longer need to hide your distaste for me.” Lena spits out and Alex wants to hate her but she frowns instead. A frustrated sigh escapes Alex’s throat and she stops herself from reaching a hand out to place over Lena’s.

“You’re my friend, Lena. I thought giving you space was the best thing for you after we found out what happened, but clearly I was wrong. And I’m sorry for that.” Alex explains with a small smile. Lena only scoffs. “I am. We should have been there for you to at least explain the truth.”

A moment of silence takes over the office after Alex’s…apology? Lena’s unsure of what she’s trying to do, what she wants, and why she’s even here. Lena takes the time Alex is using to bite into her sandwich to think. Lena doesn’t touch her salad. She contemplates what to do before sighing heavily and wrapping a hand around the warm cup of coffee.

“Why are you here, Alex?” Lena’s question is followed by another moment of silence. Alex only hears the dramatically loud ticking of a clock in the background.

“You hurt my sister.”

“She hurt me.” Lena hisses defensively.

“I know that. But you know well enough that kind of thinking is dangerous and wrong. Pain for pain is not the way to go here.” Alex scolds her in a tone Kelly taught her to use when she wants to tell the truth and not sound ‘rude’ while she does so. Kelly’s words, not hers.

“Yeah, well, I am a Luthor.” Lena says self-deprecatingly.

“Stop with that. You know we don’t see you by your last name or your family. You’re Lena. You’re our friend and you’re part of us. I’m relieved, if anything, now that it’s out in the open.” Alex lets out a huffy breath. Lena raises a brow in response. “I’ve been trying to get Kara to tell you for a while–” The moment Alex mentions the hero’s name, she notices the tension in Lena’s body.

“That doesn’t make me feel any better.” The ice wall in her eyes chips from the top, just for a moment, but it’s enough for Alex to understand the level of power it takes to push down this type of pain. She understands what it’s like to hold back her emotions to keep a hard exterior.

“I’m not trying to. I’m just telling you the truth.” Alex lets Lena digest her words, watching her knitted brows carefully. “Kara was so worried about how you’d react. And she was worried for your safety. I’ve been hurt before by her enemies and the fear, the pain, the paranoia that came with it was a lot to handle. And I’m talking about Kara’s. Not mine.” Lena snaps her head to Alex.

“This is the narrative you want to push? She was being a hero? How orig–” Lena spits out but Alex interrupts with honest words because she knows that’s all Lena has ever really needed.

“She wasn’t thinking with her head because she was thinking with her heart.” She reveals as a small smile takes over her lips when Lena’s eyes widen slightly, mouth hanging open just a little. It’s enough, just for a second or two, but it’s enough. Alex knows the ravenhead has her own internal battle to fight. “Just as you’ve been doing for the last couple of months.”

The ravenhead can’t stand it. She knows Alex is right, and she can’t stand it. The truth hits her like a ton of bricks, forcing her to face herself and scold herself for becoming the very thing she thought they all viewed her to be: a villain.

“I have never seen her that upset with me.” She whispers in confession, refusing to meet Alex’s prying eyes. They’re too understanding for her, too comforting, too kind to Lena who is too scared to risk trusting that kindness again.

“I’m sure it’s the other way around too.” Alex reassures with a half-smile. “You’ve both made mistakes. You’ve both made some bad decisions and you’ll have to deal with the fact that those were choices. You have to take responsibility, apologise, and work towards rebuilding your trust. Because we’re down a player for game night and it’s so sad to see Kara sitting on the sidelines while we play Pictionary.” Alex expects something of a laugh but she gets a twitch of Lena’s lips; she’ll take it. “I’m not saying you should dive right back in and kiss and make up. It’ll take a while. But I want you to know we’re all here for you and will answer any questions with absolute honesty. Just…don’t drag her along if you know there’s no chance of rebuilding your friendship. Or…building something more.”

Her carefully chosen words have her doubting herself when Lena stays silent with a clenched jaw and a tight hand around the cup of coffee. It’s a second from bursting and spilling all over her green dress so Alex clears her throat and decides she needs to evacuate the premises before the explosion.

“Thank you, Alex.” Lena calls out only when Alex’s back is turned to her. The vulnerable look on her face is long gone by the time Alex looks over her shoulder with a half-smile.

“Enjoy the greens, Lena.”

It has been an excruciating month for Kara. Being suddenly away from Lena after spending so much intimate time with her had been painful. She felt like an addict being forced away from what she wanted yet knowing it was for her own good.

It’s not like she’s been alone; Alex has been coming over more often, Nia has been taking her on nights out, both James and Kelly have been reassuring her that it’ll be worth it in the end if she pulls through. Having a support group makes it a whole lot easier, which kind of makes her feel worse because she knows Lena has no one.

Kara doesn’t listen in as much as she’d like to. As Supergirl, she flies longer routes to avoid L-Corp, avoid Lena’s penthouse. It’s more for respect for Lena’s privacy, she tells herself, but she knows it’s because she’s too weak to not drop in and crash their lips together like it’s the last time.

So Kara stays away. And Lena…Lena yearns and sighs and looks up at the sky at night with longing. Emerald eyes search in the darkness for that light, for the bright red and blue as she sips on her scotch in nothing but a silk kimono sitting out on her balcony. She only retreats when she’s practically shaking from the cold. Sometimes Kara hears her. It’s not like she’s actively searching for Lena in the distance; Kara just always hears her. It takes everything in her not to fly to that familiar penthouse and wrap up the shivering, teeth-clattering ravenhead in her warm arms. That’s what Lena hopes for and it only leaves her heart and mind in conflict.

Alex’s visit and her harsh but truthful words haven’t left the CEO’s head. She’s spent mornings, days, nights thinking about her wrongs in this entire situation. Kara’s angry words flash into her mind too, reminding her that her pain is partly her own fault; she hasn’t let Kara explain. She hasn’t let Kara even begin to apologise properly, to work towards earning Lena’s forgiveness.

Lena didn’t want to forgive when Lex first revealed Kara’s dark secret. She was consumed by anger, betrayal, self-hatred for letting herself get fooled like this. In her grief, she hadn’t realised what she had become. Kara had believed in her from the very beginning of their friendship. Kara stood by Lena’s side despite her last name, despite her sometimes questionable choices, despite everyone else insisting she was a villain like her brother. That’s why Lena’s finally gathered enough courage to be here.

Here, outside Kara’s apartment building, looking up at the window with illuminating warm light, with the sounds of laughter and clinking glasses flowing down to Lena’s ears.

That’s also why Kara opens the door before Lena can even raise her fist. Because she knows Lena, knows who she is deep down, knows she was hurt and angry and let it consume her; she understands it’s all Lena's ever known.

“Hi.” Kara breathes out when she opens the door and her eyes meet Lena’s wide ones. The CEO’s breath gets caught in her throat like it always does when she sees Kara, her sweet Kara with bright eyes, a wide smile, strong arms that are always stretched out to welcome her in. They’re not open this time though.

“Hello.” Lena whispers back with a croaky voice, fixating on Kara’s slightly defeated smile, on her baby blues that aren’t shining with the brightness of the sun, on her arms that remain by her side with hands dug into the pockets of her jeans.

“Wanna come in?” Kara offers, stepping to the side slowly. Lena looks through into the living space, scanning the welcoming smiles and waves from their friends. It’s…different. They’re looking at her differently now and it’s only now that she realises they used to look at her with guilt hidden in their eyes. Guilt for keeping this secret from her.

“Well, you are on an odd number right now. I hear playing Pictionary as a one-woman team is just as difficult as it sounds.” Lena tries to put a playful tone on but it comes out a little shaky. If Kara notices, she doesn't show it. She only flashes Lena a half-smile as her cheeks tint pink. It takes one last reassuring look from Alex for Lena to take a step inside.

After that night, Lena was back in the fold pretty fast. For game nights, at least. They tried to bring her in with the more…delicate things, but Lena remains reluctant. She understands it’s a process now; rushing her healing will only put her ten steps back.

She has to remind herself that a step is a step nonetheless when she needs to excuse herself to Kara’s balcony some nights. When she watches over the group’s familiarity with each other, their dynamics and inside jokes that clearly have to do with the DEO or Supergirl or–

Lena has to remind herself that it’s a process. And James is there with a soft smile to remind her that it wasn’t their secret to tell, that it was Kara’s. And Kara’s right there with her head hanging down and a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. And Lena’s yet again reminded that it’s her fault. She’s here, and she could have been here months ago if she didn’t lash out, if she didn’t let her emotions take over, if she wasn’t adamant about hurting Kara the way she was hurting.

“It’s cold. Do you want a sweatshirt?” Kara asks, suddenly breaking the silence Lena was enjoying out on the balcony. “Sorry.” She mumbles with a soft laugh that Lena has missed more than Kara would know.

“I’m okay. Thank you.” Lena declines politely and Kara, sweet Kara walks over either way and wraps a soft blanket around the ravenhead’s shoulders. It’s the blonde’s arms she wants around her though, and she finds herself missing them immensely especially when they’re this close to her.

“No problem.” Kara mutters, her hand trailing down Lena’s spine using the blanket as an excuse to be close to her. But her hands are suddenly gone, flying away from Lena’s back like she’s kryptonite.

“Kara…” Lena whispers, closing her eyes and taking in a shaky breath to gather up the courage.

“We don’t have to talk about it. I’m just glad you’re here and, you know, that you forgave them all. They’re your friends too and they’ve missed you and you deserve to be around people who care–” Kara falls into her usual rambling and Lena loses herself for a moment, eyes filled with adoration before bursting out with her confession.

“Kara, I love you.” She blurts, watching as the blonde freezes with a tight jaw and knitted brows. Lena wants to run, but she pushes through with a shaky breath and trembling hands that intertwine together to give herself strength. “I love you. More than I thought I could, more than I thought I’d ever let myself.”

Kara must think she doesn’t mean it because of the tears swelling up in Lena’s emerald eyes and the way her lips tremble – from the cold or the fear, she’s leaning towards the latter. But the trembling and tears aren't hesitation but fear.

“You don’t have to–” Kara cuts in and steps forward but the ravenhead shakes her head stubbornly. This is something she needs to do.

“I do. And I also have to apologise for my…God, for my horrible actions.” The wind blows dramatically and Lena wants to scold it for throwing her hair in her face at this moment. But Kara lifts a hand faster than the ravenhead can think, tucking it behind her ear with a tenderness that forces Lena to gulp. 

“It’s okay.” Kara whispers but Lena shrugs the blonde’s soft hand away from her cheek, shaking her head again.

“It’s not okay. I am so sorry I ever hurt you the way I did. I’m sorry for never giving you the chance to correct things, for using you, for acting out of hurt and anger and a–a dark part of myself that you’ve spent years denying exists. I can’t believe I…God, I can’t believe I became exactly what I feared I would become. You may have hurt me but that shouldn’t justify my maliciousness. I’m so sorry, Kara.”

Kara just watches on bouncing feet, trying her very best not to pull Lena into her arms because she could never stand it when she was sad. All she’s ever wanted is for Lena to have her Kara-smile on all the time – it was Nia who came up with that when she first saw Lena’s wide, soft, and relaxed smile aimed at Kara and only her. All she’s ever wanted is for Lena to be happy and seeing her now with tears running down her cheeks and guilt eating at her heart is one of the most painful things Kara’s ever had to bear witness to.

“Hey…I made a choice. Sleep with Lena Luthor or lose her forever. Who in their right mind would even get to option two after hearing one?” She tries to joke, tries to put on a teasing smirk and bright eyes, tries to reach out and hold Lena’s arm because she needs the tears to disappear. But the ravenhead groans and looks up at the sky, rubbing at her wet cheeks furiously.

“Stop it, Kara, I’m trying to have a serious conversation here.” She complains with a stern yet vulnerable look. Rao, she looks terrified yet here she is, facing her fears. The least Kara can do is let her do so.

The blonde sighs and crosses her arms over her chest, looking up at the sky for a moment. The breeze cools her always-warm tanned skin; the moon shines down on them as it observes the scene with curiosity; the group of friends drinking inside gradually quiet down as they glance through the glass balcony doors. Kara looks back down to meet Lena’s glossy greens and the tension slowly leaves her body.

“Okay. Seriously, you hurt me and I…I’m still hurt, to be honest with you. But I understand why you did what you did and reacted the way you did.” Kara doesn’t try to mask the hurt in her eyes but she regrets that decision the second Lena turns her head away with eyes that clench closed as a new pool of tears starts to stream down her cheeks. “Hey, look at me.” She begs desperately, her voice cracking slightly. Kara steps closer to the shaking ravenhead and sighs deeply when Lena lets her soft hands hold wet cheeks. “Please.” Kara whispers, forehead inches away from pressing against Lena’s when she finally meets her eyes. “There you are.” She mumbles with a shaky quirk of her lips, trying not to cry because she knows it’ll just make Lena cry more and they’ll just fall into an endless cycle of tears and apologies and–

“I’m sor–” Lena tries to start the cycle but Kara presses her nose to hers, knowing the proximity will force a hitched breath out of her.

“Stop apologising.”

“Sorry.” She squeaks and Kara’s heart warms a little – a lot – at the sound.

“Lee…” She mumbles with a soft smile.

“My bad.” Lena whispers; Kara laughs.

“That counts.” She says as she leans her head back. Her hands slide down Lena’s jaw, neck, dropping onto her shoulders. She’s fixing the blanket, she tells herself. It has nothing to do with wanting to stand this close to the CEO for as long as she possibly can before the moment inevitably breaks.

“No it doesn’t!” Lena protests in a watery voice, letting out a soft laugh of her own as she pulls back to wipe at her face with the long sleeves of her shirt.

“Sure. Whatever you say.” Kara mumbles with a raised brow. She meant her words; as much as she wants to be with Lena again, she meant her words. It hurt being used like that and Kara…well, Kara doesn’t think she’s healed yet. But maybe they can heal together. “Friends?” She offers with an optimistic smile. She doesn’t miss the way Lena’s lips turn downwards for just a second. “For now.” Kara quickly adds, her half smile stretching into a full one by the time Lena nods her head.

“Friends. For now.”

‘For now’ meant two weeks. Two weeks of early lunches, followed by late dinners, followed by Supergirl dropping on Lena’s balcony after a tiring evening to ‘watch a movie or something' yet falling asleep within an hour of it. Two weeks of innocent glances that turn into intense gazes of longing. Two weeks of lip bites and flushed cheeks and ‘oh, Rao, she’s pretty’ paired with ‘dear, God, she’s adorable.’ 

Two weeks. It’s exactly two weeks, in fact, because the next next game night is when Kara wraps an arm around Lena’s shoulders and pulls her in like it’s nothing. It’s when soft, strawberry-flavoured lips kiss the top of Lena’s head even though she’s been sweating all day from working in the lab and her bun’s loose and messy now. Kara does it so casually all while ignoring the fast, pounding sound of Lena’s heart and the knowing glances they receive.

“Rabbit? Racoon? Is it an aeroplane?” Alex guesses with eyes narrowed in confusion. She stares at the paper Kelly’s scribbled incoherent shapes on.

“How are you getting aeroplane from that?” Nia snorts before sitting back on the couch and dropping her hand down for Brainy to high-five.

“It’s totally a rocket.” James mutters, raising his hands up in self-defence when Kelly snaps her head to him.

“It’s not your turn!” She complains at her brother before going back to drawing, tongue between her teeth as she concentrates.

“Worm? Rabbit eating a worm?” Alex guesses again. Brainy looks at the drawing and tilts his head.

“I am so confused.” Brainy expresses with furrowed brows.

“Time!” Nia calls out with a hiss of victory.

With this last round, she and Brainy are declared the winners. She almost had a scare with Kara and Lena only being one more guess away from tying with them and a whole minute left to overtake them, but the pair remained stuck on Kara’s drawing for The Green Mile. She spent the entire minute attempting to draw Lena’s eyes and failing miserably, but the blush on the ravenhead’s cheeks as she mumbled ‘there are easier ways to draw green, Kara’ makes the loss totally worth it in the blonde’s book.

“It’s Snakes on a Plane.” Kelly sighs as she plops down on Alex’s lap. They’ve taken over the loveseat – only because they got to Kara’s before Lena did.

“Oops.” Alex sighs and glances at the paper again with a teasing smirk. “To be fair, that is a pretty bad plane. Why does it have a tail?” She snorts when Kelly glares and harmlessly slaps her stomach.

“Art isn’t my strong suit.” Kelly mumbles with a pout.

“It’s okay, babe. We’ll win Jenga.” Alex smiles widely at her girlfriend.

“Jenga’s not in pairs.”

“I’ll win Jenga.” Alex corrects herself earning a couple of laughs around the room. Kara turns her attention away from them as they ease into conversations about co-workers, new food places to try, that new show on Netflix. It’s all background noise to Kara when she looks down at Lena who has adorably tucked her face into the crook of Kara’s neck.

“Refill?” Kara asks her quietly, gesturing to the empty glass of wine in her hand.

“I’m okay.” Lena mumbles, hot lips brushing over Kara’s skin. The blonde’s breath hitches slightly at the touch but she gulps and tries to gather herself.

“Are you, uh, yeah? Sure, I mean?” She fails miserably at gathering herself. Who wouldn’t with this angel in their arms?

“Yeah. More than okay.” Lena whispers and she really feels she means it this time. 

Lena’s an expert at telling people she’s okay, she’s fine, she’s doing well; most of the time it’s paired with a fake smile that drops the moment they turn their eyes away from her. It’s with a glass of scotch when she has a moment alone in her office or a glass of wine in a hot bubble bath when she reaches the cold, empty penthouse she reluctantly calls home.

But this time, Lena means it. She means it when she tells Kara that she’s okay, means it when she offers to stay back to help the blonde clean up after everyone has already left, means it when her wet hand lingers as she passes washed plates and glasses to Kara. Lena means every second when she returns Kara's unexpected unbelievably soft and slow kiss as she pours every ounce of love and vulnerability she has to offer.

And Kara accepts. She accepts with open arms, an open heart, and blue eyes that flutter, shining with awe and adoration at the woman in her arms. She accepts and communicates her deep feelings with a firmer kiss that tells Lena all she needs to know. But she says it anyway, just in case her kiss isn’t enough. Just in case Lena’s mind doubts, she tells herself. But truthfully, she just wanted to see Lena’s Kara-smile, wanted to see the pure happiness in her eyes, the relief in the steady beat of her heart that Kara has long memorised. She couldn’t forget it if she tried.

“I’ll always stand by your side.” Kara whispers against gentle and trembling lips.

“I’ll always let you.” And Lena sighs against soft and torturously sweet ones.