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"Is it really that weird?" Yuuta paused his uncertain fretting to inspect his room. After he’d gathered the empty bags of chips and soda cans Maki had left behind, it looked less like a storm had blown through. He was always glad when his friends decided to hang out after training, but was a little less thrilled by the mess they inevitably left behind.
"Hm?" He’d honestly thought his words were quiet enough to have gone unnoticed, so the muffled response to the absent question was a surprise. Toge had stuck behind when Maki and Panda left; whether it was because he was too comfortable or too lazy to move was anyone’s guess. He was lying the wrong way on Yuuta's bed, legs kicked up against the wall while his head hung over the edge. He watched upside down as Yuuta worked, but didn't offer any assistance. "Is what weird?" he signed.
"That. What we were talking about," he managed with a vague wave of his hand, before spying another can that had half rolled under his desk. Yuuta went to it and knelt on the floor to grope around for it, surreptitiously hiding the heat that crept across his cheeks. It was an embarrassing topic, so why had he even asked?
He managed to find the can and lobbed it into the trash, and tried not to be self-conscious when he felt Toge let out a buzzing huff of disgruntlement when Yuuta didn't immediately turn back to see his response.
"Ikura. Mentaiko." I have literally no idea what you're talking about, Yuuta's imagination painted in translation.
"That…I've never kissed anyone?" Yuuta spared a tentative glance toward Toge, in time to catch his fine eyebrows rising in surprise.
"Ah." He shrugged. "Okaka."
"But you and Maki have."
"So?" Toge rolled onto his belly, crossing his ankles and tapping his toes against the wall. Yuuta looked away again, using a stray napkin to dab up a sticky puddle of soda.
Maki had told the story of her first kiss so matter-of-factly; how it happened, what she liked about it, and the fact that she resolutely did not stay in contact with her first girlfriend. She'd cited 'personal differences' strategically as her reason why, and none of them were bold enough to ask for more information.
Toge had been far more tight-lipped—more, Yuuta would say, than normal. He'd kept his hands busy during Maki's interrogation and only offered the veil of his safewords in response to all questions.
Toge's non-answers were quickly bowled over in favor of teasing Yuuta when he admitted he hadn't had his first kiss yet, and the conversation devolved from there. Yuuta still kind of wanted to ask more of Toge, but didn’t know how to even approach the topic without stating the obvious—that he had a giant crush on the other boy, and that he wanted more than anything to know who Toge had let in in the past. Asking something that direct unprompted was just begging for trouble, and would inevitably raise way more questions than Yuuta cared to answer.
He busied himself wiping away the residue from spilled cans and little piles of crumbs, and tried not to think of how he could feel Toge's gaze boring into the side of his neck.
"Yuuta," Toge finally said, and he couldn't help the way his gaze snapped up, heart beating a little faster at his name from those lips, his attention always held hopelessly captive. “Ask.”
“What? I-I don’t—”
“You’re thinking so loud.” Toge gave him an exaggerated eye roll. “Just ask.”
“No, it’s okay. You-you obviously didn’t want to talk about it, so.” His moment of stubborn chivalry was cut short when Toge startlingly blew a loud raspberry at him.
“It’s different.” He tucked a hand under his cheek and shrugged loosely. When he continued, it was a smattering of simple signs and finger spellings managed with his one free hand. “It’s different when it’s just you, okay? You can ask. I don’t mind.”
Having permission to ask and being able to wrangle the questions swirling through his brain into something decent were two very different things.
Yuuta hid his indecision by scooting across the floor to lean against his bed next to Toge. They would be face to face if Yuuta turned his head, and he smothered the flutter in his belly at the idea. “Um,” he started, looking intently at his hands. He picked at the hem of his shirt for some sort of distraction, trying to work out some restless energy, and then shrugged, because he knew it was a pointless endeavor. “Did you…was it…was it a good kiss?” he settled on, not entirely sure what he could even ask that didn't make him sound horribly eager to know more.
Yuuta missed the way Toge’s face slid through wild amusement, preoccupied as he was with avoiding eye contact. He startled at the sound of a burst of laughter, which was quickly pressed against Yuuta's sheets, offering muffled protection for his ears. "You're acting so serious." Toge propped his chin on his hand, head rocking back and forth as he thought about his response. "It was okay," he decided, the exaggerated gestures and wandering, rolled eyes tacking on an unspoken I guess in Yuuta's mind.
“But did you…like…it? I guess that’s what I meant to ask.” A little more direct, but not entirely incriminating; not so would you mind kissing someone else (me), asked in a hopeful tone.
“I…did.” He hesitated before letting his hand fall still, and Yuuta noticed, like he always did. Toge didn’t have a lot of physical tells, but that brief moment when he paused always spoke volumes, of all the times when he visibly dismissed something that he wanted to say.
“But…?” he prompted, watching as Toge let his arm dangle over the edge of the bed, elbow bumping Yuuta's shoulder on the way. He stretched toward the floor, fingertips brushing the wood as his hand swayed, but he didn't offer any further comment.
Which was fine. Silence was fine, and oftentimes Yuuta felt he could read Toge's silences better than his coded safewords and the sweep of loud, energetic signs. Yuuta liked to think he understood his quietly folded hands and the way he tucked himself away from conversations—neat and orderly, opinions stowed if they might be distracting or contrary.
It would be hard for Yuuta to not understand, when he'd done the same for so long. When he’d tried his best to be as small and agreeable as possible.
"I'm, um." He cleared his throat and saw the flicker of Toge's eyes focusing on him through his lashes. He didn't want to talk, but Yuuta could fill the silence for the two of them. "I never really thought about it? I kind of just assumed I would never…have…a first kiss?" Speaking his mind still left him antsy, but didn’t set his nerves alight quite like it once had. It was easier with Toge than anyone else, and not just because Yuuta adored him. Being the focus of his patient attention was comforting.
"...Yuuta?" The cracked little whisper of his name seized his wandering mind. Toge was staring at him, pretty lilac eyes soft and wide with concern.
"Ah, I'm sorry! I don't mean…" Yuuta ran his fingers through his hair fretfully, ducking his head to break the too intimate eye contact between them. He let his hands drop and leaned heavier against the side of the bed with a sigh. "With Rika…I could never really get…close. To anyone." He saw Toge nod faintly from the corner of his eye, ever an attentive listener. Yuuta could feel Toge’s gaze, as if he could look hard enough and just read Yuuta's thoughts.
Whatever he saw, it cast a faint pink across his cheekbones. It was Toge's turn to look away now, and with a small huff, he pushed himself up to sit with his back to the wall. He drew his knees to his chest—protective and quiet and a safe enough distance for Yuuta to look directly at him again.
"Mine…I liked it but…he didn't?" Yuuta tracked the hesitant signs, the close, jerky movements of Toge's hands. It was a hushed whisper if Yuuta had ever seen one from the boy.
"What?" he asked, a smoky edge of heat to his own voice that he didn't recognize. Toge's fingers closed reflexively, almost timidly. He pressed his knuckles tightly against his ankles, a tiny confused frown on his lips before they were hidden behind his knees. "I'm sorry, I just…don't understand?" Yuuta corrected.
Toge shrugged so mildly it was almost nonexistent. "He wasn't mean about it. He said it was just…that it felt weird. This." He lifted his chin and pointed at his face, and Yuuta's uncertainty must have shown. "Um." With a palpable hesitancy, he stuck out his tongue, exposing the dark seal Yuuta had only caught fleeting glimpses of in the past. "This?"
"Oh." And then again, with slightly more emphasis, "oh!"
Yuuta cast about helplessly for something more to say, different thought trails bubbling to the surface of his mind. What he wanted to say was I'm sure it wasn't actually weird, or I can't imagine someone not wanting to kiss you, or maybe even someone would be lucky to kiss you—actually, maybe not that last one. Not out loud.
Yuuta wanted to offer some level of comfort, even if he couldn't grasp the full scope of the problem.
What he said instead was: "Would you kiss me?"
Which was objectively even worse.
It took only a heartbeat, the words barely out of his mouth before Toge's eyes went wide. "Takana?" His fingers wrapped around his ankles so tightly his knuckles went white.
"I mean! Not like that!" Yuuta threw a warding hand up between them, twisting up and onto his knees to put more space between them. "I mean. Like. You-you enjoyed it and you. Could show me? And like. I wouldn't get—" He held no illusions; each word made his cheeks hotter and hotter. His face was absolutely cherry red, and it was only getting worse. "I mean like you could teach me. How to kiss. And we—you—I—" He cut off abruptly at the sound of Toge laughing, holding his tongue to keep any more words from falling out.
Toge laughed until he wheezed, cursed energy rippling from his throat in waves, and Yuuta could feel the joyous pull of it, buoying his mood and tamping down the bite of his anxiety; it was an effect Yuuta could never get enough of, a result of Toge’s technique. “Do you actually want that?” he asked, a sparkle in his eyes.
“Is there…is there a way to answer that that isn’t weird?” he mumbled helplessly.
“It’s not weird.” Toge stretched his limbs out after a moment and scooted to the edge of the bed. His face was still splotched with the pink of a faint blush, but he set his lips into an encouraging little smile. “Are you just…curious? Don’t let what Maki said bother you.”
“Um.” Yuuta wasn’t a complete fool; he knew this would inevitably be a horrible idea. They should just scratch it before anything came to pass, even if…even if Toge was looking at him with an open expression on his face, a curious tip to his head. He would be just seconds from a tiny soft questioning word.
“Could…we?” he asked hesitantly, which was still not the no he should have given. Frankly, he knew he’d never muster the courage to ask Toge otherwise. It felt more than a little disingenuous to ask, but he also knew Toge wouldn’t offer unless the idea interested him in some manner. “I mean…just…because you have a better idea of what…how it works. And I trust you.”
He managed to catch Toge’s eyes for a moment, and didn’t think he was imagining the soft fondness that lit them. “I wouldn’t mind it,” Toge said finally. “I trust you too,” he added as an afterthought. He patted the edge of the bed between them gently, offering Yuuta a place to sit beside him.
Which was silly, because this was Yuuta’s own room, and his bed to boot. He awkwardly scrambled up to sit on the edge, leaving space between the two of them.
“How does…how does this work?” he asked, swallowing around the dryness that suddenly plagued his mouth. He shouldn’t be nervous—it wasn’t like this would actually mean anything in the long run between them, despite Yuuta’s feelings. This was just them being friends. Friends helped each other grow and learn. He could rationalize it that way.
“How do you think?” Toge asked. He looked away, long lashes fluttering against his cheek, before he leaned ever so slightly closer to Yuuta, until their shoulders bumped gently; it was a reassurance that he wasn’t trying to be sharp with Yuuta.
“We just like…just…” his words stuttered to a halt as Toge glanced back at him, all pretty lilac eyes and a slow, patient smile on his lips. Yuuta wanted to kiss him; he had been fighting the impulse for—well, he didn’t even know how long. He just had to close the distance between them and…
Yuuta’s eyes went to the soft curve of Toge’s lips, and he just went for it, leaned toward him, and—
Toge turned his head away with a soft hum of nervous laughter, his shoulders shrugging up defensively.
“What?” Yuuta asked. “I’m sorry, was that—did you not actually want…?”
“Ikura,” he mumbled, which wasn’t quite a negative, but didn’t make him feel any more informed. “You just…go slower or something. And close your eyes. You looked like you were going to bite me.”
“I…” Yuuta didn’t actually have a good response to that, and froze when Toge grabbed his hand. He lifted it up and made a face, bug-eyed with an unnaturally wide, toothy grin. He mimed going in for a chomp on Yuuta’s wrist, and his nervous tension evaporated in a heartbeat. “Oh, stop!” He shook off Toge’s tenacious grip and swatted at his shoulder. “I get it.”
Yuuta waited until they’d both settled back into comfortable positions before he tried again. He started to lean in, and realized at the last second that—well, he was doing it again. Eyes opened, mouth parting. He caught the grin that twisted Toge’s lips, and that was all it took before he dissolved into giggles of his own.
Yuuta turned and let his forehead crash into Toge’s shoulder while the other boy joined in, with his own infectious giggling. “Is this the hard part?” Yuuta asked. Toge awkwardly patted him on the back in sympathy, in lieu of a response. Yuuta thought he felt Toge nodding, but couldn’t be sure.
Yuuta caught his breath as the giggles faded, trying not to think about how, despite being so close, his heart had settled into a quiet, calm rhythm, rather than the normal flutter granted by being so close. He lifted his head, and realized exactly how close they were.
The entire point of the moment was for them to actually kiss, and Yuuta could feel his thoughts draining away, his gaze intent again on the gentle bow of Toge’s lips. Toge wasn’t looking to judge Yuuta here—any more than normal, at any rate—so he had nothing to worry about in the moment. Before he could start overthinking, before his thoughts could kick-start themselves, he closed his eyes and leaned in.
It was fleeting and not at all what he’d mentally been working himself up over, just the softest press of their lips together. Toge’s lips were soft against his, the barest trace of warmth before Yuuta pulled back like he’d been burned by their touch.
“Um,” he started, and stopped to swallow down the way his nerves fluttered to the surface. “That’s, um. The idea, right? Like that?”
He made the mistake of catching Toge’s gaze from so close, just inches away, and the hiccuping stutter of his breath clutched at his throat. He was too pretty from up close, the slow flutter of his lashes as he blinked mesmerizing. His lilac eyes flickered down, and Yuuta followed his sight line to the hand curled loosely on his leg. “Cute,” he signed, and Yuuta could feel the heat rushing to his cheeks.
“Come on,” he huffed, the embarrassment catching up and starting to take hold. This would be an inopportune time to find out Toge had been leading him along for a prank. Yuuta was operating entirely on good faith.
“Okaka,” Toge murmured. He lifted his hand into Yuuta’s line of sight with a small shake of his head. “You can do like…” he started, and that was the only warning before Toge’s fingers gently tucked against Yuuta’s jawline, tipping his face back up after he’d subconsciously started to turn his face away, hiding the sear of a blush.
His touch was so light, and yet Yuuta couldn’t pull away if he tried, lured in magnetically as Toge leaned close. The kiss was longer, but still just as chaste, nothing more than the brush of their lips together, though it lingered a touch longer this time.
“Oh,” Yuuta breathed when they had just barely parted. “Let me…let me try.” His hand was trembling as he raised it, his fingers clammy as he ever so cautiously cupped Toge’s cheek. He looked at the placement of his hand, the way that his thumb very nearly caressed the edge of the circlet imprinted on Toge’s skin. Without thinking, he let the digit travel, tracing the lower edge of the sigil. Toge shivered under his touch, and his hand retracted from Yuuta’s cheek, dropping into his lap. His eyes had gone wide, something approaching reverent wonder on his face, and Yuuta couldn’t grasp why.
It wasn’t really something he needed to understand, if he was honest. He breathed out, eyes fixed on Toge’s lips as he closed the distance between them once again. Toge met him, and there was more of a give and take this time. He pressed forward and Toge pressed against him, his jaw shifting ever so slightly under Yuuta’s fingertips.
Yuuta knew there was more to kissing, or else the idea wouldn’t have been so intimidating to him in the first place. It wasn’t all closed lips pushing against one another, but he didn’t really know how to get further without doing something weird, from his assumptions of how this worked.
He was saved from having to figure it out when Toge took the step before him; he was always a beat ahead of Yuuta in any given situation, so of course he would be here as well. Toge’s lips parted just slightly around a sigh, which prompted Yuuta to chance a quick inhale, acknowledging the fact that he’d been subconsciously holding his breath…and he pulled away with a soft huff of laughter that he couldn’t quite hold back.
Yuuta wasn’t sure what he’d expected, but the immediate sweet sharp scent of menthol had tickled his nose, and he should have expected nothing less. Toge ate menthol cough drops like they were candy—oftentimes, they were the only thing that could soothe the burning in his throat.
Toge’s eyes were closed, cheek pressed into Yuuta’s hand. His eyes fluttered open as Yuuta leaned back and his head tipped slightly in question. “Sorry, um.” His thumb traced the edge of Toge’s seal again, just barely brushing one rounded edge. Toge’s eyes slid shut in response, trance-like, almost as though he might actually be enjoying the touch.
It was…comfortable, Yuuta realized, to be this close to Toge, especially now that the initial flutter of hesitation had faded. Yuuta shifted on the bed to be facing Toge more fully. He breathed in and couldn’t keep the smile off his face as he dipped closer.
The kiss was less neat this time, their lips slotting together tentatively. Toge tipped his head further into Yuuta’s hand, and Yuuta mirrored the action. It was more comfortable like that, without their noses awkwardly bumping, and—the faintest scrape of teeth against Yuuta’s lip stuttered any thoughts and any confidence he could have to a halt.
Right. Kissing wasn’t just lips pressed together, it was also teeth and tongues, at some point, in some capacity. He was scared to actually push for more, but didn’t have to when Toge’s tongue ever so gently traced over his lip. Yuuta could almost read an apology in the action, making up for the sudden shift.
Yuuta let his lips part hesitantly, finally taking the plunge, but it lasted for only a moment. Their tongues slid across one another, so timid and cautious it was almost accidental, and Yuuta felt a shock of electricity zip through him, so sharp and quick that he twitched, reflexively leaning back as he startled. His hand dropped to Toge’s shoulder, holding him still as they parted.
"Oh," he whispered, the surprised little noise hardly stirring the air between them. Toge's eyes slid open a fraction of the way, and Yuuta could see just a shimmer of weary resignation in them. His shoulder shifted under Yuuta's palm, like he wanted to fold himself smaller and smaller, until he disappeared.
It was a stark difference from just moments before, when Toge exuded calm and collectedness, with minimal blushes as he offered to help Yuuta fumble his way through the concept of kissing. Yuuta couldn’t grasp why—until it finally dawned on him with the weight of a mountain.
Someone in his past had told Toge that kissing him felt weird, and here Yuuta was, pulling away from him.
Toge’s power came from his voice, from the cursed energy that radiated from his mouth and throat, swelled to bursting in the seal on his tongue. It wasn’t weird; it was amazing, and Yuuta would be damned if he made Toge think any differently.
Yuuta slid his fingers toward Toge’s neck, tentatively brushing his skin over the collar of his shirt. The other boy blinked uncertainly, obviously waiting for Yuuta to say anything further. And while he could, Yuuta knew he’d fumble it, just as he’d fumbled the start of this encounter. He offered Toge the briefest flicker of a smile, and then tipped his head closer. It was a chaste peck again as they came together, and then Yuuta stowed the nervous flutter in his belly and pushed for more. He parted his lips, and Toge met him, albeit a beat behind, steeped in an almost timid doubt.
This time, Yuuta didn’t pull away from the prickle of electricity on his tongue. It was staticky fuzz, but it didn’t hurt. It wasn’t like anything he’d ever felt before, and now that he’d had the smallest taste, he wanted more, wanted to chase after the wintry chill of mint and the sting of lightning indefinitely.
It was truly a dangerous thought, if Yuuta actually could pry himself away to consider their circumstances. This was just supposed to be a silly one-off between them, just so Yuuta could say that he’d had his first kiss. Instead, he was slowly becoming more lost in the unexpectedly sweet taste of Toge’s mouth, and the desperate spark that tickled him when Toge’s hands came to rest against his chest. It seemed like an absent gesture, but Yuuta couldn’t get enough of it.
All too suddenly, Toge tipped his head away. The loss was jarring now, with every last ounce of Yuuta’s focus on the way they moved with one another, breathed with one another. Toge drew in a few shuddery breaths, cursed energy buffering against Yuuta’s collarbone. “Um,” he murmured, just barely audible to Yuuta. He leaned back, hands falling away from their delicate press against Yuuta’s skin. “You can…use your hands, you know. Like, touching is part of it.”
He hadn’t really, though it seemed sensible. He cleared his throat, puzzling out what to say. “Like…” he trailed off, hoping that Toge would, as always, explain without Yuuta needing to actually ask.
Toge’s gaze settled somewhere over Yuuta’s shoulder while he considered. He swallowed audibly, a quick glance meeting his eyes before his gaze skittered away again. Toge twisted his fingers together for a second, then pressed them flat against his leg as he made up his mind. “I don’t know. You can just act like I’m someone you actually like, someone that you’d want to touch.” He shrugged, completely unaware of the sharp bolt of dreaded anxiety his words shot through Yuuta’s body. “Like, if you have a crush on someone, and want them close. I just…I don’t know if you like anyone like that, but…you can just pretend I’m them. That’s okay."
"Oh no, I don't—I don’t!” It suddenly felt imperative that Toge not know of Yuuta’s feelings, more so than ever before. “I definitely don’t have a crush on anyone,” he said firmly. This needed to stop, before Yuuta managed to make a fool of himself. He was being greedy here, and it was definitely not fair to Toge. Yuuta couldn’t even be sure if Toge had enjoyed kissing him in the slightest, or if it had been a truly generous extension of their friendship—he was honestly a little too self-conscious to ask.
The moment after he spoke dragged on for a beat too long, and Toge pulled back to a respectable distance, scooting down the edge of the bed. He cleared his throat softly, looking down at his hands. “Well…” Toge shrugged, almost seeming uncomfortable now that Yuuta could get a clear view of him. “You know, I don’t think you really need any more tips, you’re…I think you’ll be fine, if you ever find someone you do want to kiss,” he said hesitantly. There was a flicker of a smile on his lips, something wistful, and in an instant, Yuuta’s heart clenched in his chest. That was…
After a quick glance, like he was confirming Yuuta had followed his words, Toge gathered himself and stood. He looked small and timid with his pinched shoulders and almost defensive posture. It was the very last way Yuuta wanted this experience to end, this surreal moment where he’d somehow gotten to kiss Toge, and it wasn’t a total disaster.
Toge didn’t meet Yuuta’s gaze as he made for the door, not even waiting for a response to his absolutely abrupt departure. For maybe the first time in a while, Yuuta actually looked at him, trying to parse the sudden shift in the atmosphere. There was always so much more going on with Toge, veiled behind his eyes and the mask of the words he could never quite say. Ever since Yuuta had actually learned to communicate with Toge, maybe he’d stopped trying to keep learning, taking signs and safewords at face value—and that was a failing on his own part.
Toge was upset, and that was a certainty Yuuta would have to be blind not to see, and his words had somehow been the catalyst. That wavering line between them had pulled taut, an actual firm divide where one had never existed before.
Toge was going to push him away and Yuuta had to do something before it was too late.
The sudden fear was paralyzing, sending chills to the tips of his fingers, seizing up the muscles in his legs. Exactly one solution came to mind, but what if he was reading this situation entirely wrong? A declaration at the exact wrong moment would probably do nothing more than hurry Toge out the door. It would put a strain on their friendship that had never existed before—nevermind the fact that Toge was always so quick to forgive his friends of their transgressions. In a few days, he’d seemingly be back to normal, like nothing had ever happened, and no one would be any wiser.
But.
What if Yuuta wasn’t wrong?
What if Toge’s quick retreat was exactly what Yuuta thought it looked like—that for just a moment, Toge had let himself believe that Yuuta might like him, until he’d thoughtlessly snuffed out that hope. Maybe irrationally, Yuuta knew he couldn’t let Toge leave, not without clearing the air. Somehow, him leaving and thinking Yuuta didn’t care was the worst possible outcome. He could shoulder the embarrassment of the opposite side of the coin if he was wrong, but not this.
It was enough to loosen his tongue, and the words tumbled out in a rush. "Wait, I wasn't telling the truth!" Toge faltered at the door, looking over his shoulder, and it gave Yuuta the much needed time to get his legs beneath himself, to push himself to his feet. He crossed the room in a blink, thoughts untethering as he grabbed Toge’s arm to turn him back, to face Yuuta. “I wasn’t telling the truth,” he said, slower, as clearly as he could. He didn’t want there to be any mistake, any misinterpretation.
Toge met his gaze, but the hesitation was so starkly visible that Yuuta’s heart squeezed in his chest. “Takana?” he asked.
“I…” It wasn’t the time for Yuuta to let his nerves get the better of him. He slid his fingers up Toge’s arm, over his shoulder, tenderly letting his fingers curl against his neck, pressed against his pulse. You can touch me like someone you actually like. Yuuta was actually blind to have not noticed it immediately; Toge’s pulse was a sharp beat under his fingertips, his heart racing. “I do have a crush on someone.”
Toge's breath caught audibly, throat bobbing as he swallowed. His head tipped toward Yuuta’s palm, desperate for grounding contact even as his teeth caught his lower lip, stubbornly holding back any other words. It didn’t matter; the question on his face was so clear he could have spoken it aloud, and the answer was the simplest Yuuta had ever had to give.
“It’s you,” he said. “Toge, it’s you. It’s been you for…for so long.” He felt helpless as the words tumbled out, his fingers pressing lightly into Toge’s skin, like it would be easier to get his point across in a touch. “I like you so much, and I don’t want you to think I don’t. I just—” He came to a halt, with Toge’s hand suddenly hooking around the back of his neck, pulling him down for a quick, chaste kiss.
They came apart just as fast, and Yuuta focused on Toge’s wide, lilac eyes. He was trying not to let it show, but there was something desperately hopeful and disbelieving in his gaze, a sense that this was something he almost couldn’t let himself believe. Yuuta wanted him to believe it more than anything.
Touch me like someone you actually like. The words wouldn’t leave his head, and there was something he could do about that now.
Yuuta’s heart thudded in his throat as he slipped an arm around Toge’s waist to tug him close, because that’s what he’d wanted to do the whole time. He always wanted to hold Toge close, had been wanting to trade their occasional carefully friendly hugs for something more; Yuuta wanted to hug Toge tight and not let go, for fear that he might once again believe that he was unwanted; that Toge might believe anything about himself was weird. Yuuta wanted to kiss him, again and again, more-so now that he’d gotten just the tiniest taste.
Yuuta slipped his fingers into the hair at Toge’s nape, tenderly cradling his head in his palm. Their eyes met for just a moment, Yuuta seeking a confirmation that he had indeed read this right, before sealing their lips in another slow, soft kiss. Hopefully, this would be the first of many.