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Subaru yawned. He sat outside Roswaal’s mansion, enjoying the sound of the birds. He’d been unofficially kicked out of the meeting between Emilia and Crusch, but he didn’t mind too much. He understood it was meant to be ‘Royal Candidates only.’
He was pretty sure they were talking about Gluttony, potentially about how to finally defeat him and hopefully retrieve the memories of Crusch and his victims. Including Rem…
“Hopefully when she wakes up, she gets all her memories back,” Subaru said. “That way, she won’t try to kill me again. That would be troublesome… though I could probably get the rest of the Emilia camp to protect me easily…”
“Subaru?” Subaru nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of a voice.
“Wilhelm!” Subaru responded, breaking out into a cold sweat. He nearly heard me talking about Return by Death…
“Subaru, what did you mean when you said someone tried to kill you?” Wilhelm said.
Oh great… “Uh- nothing,” Subaru said, convincingly.
Wilhelm was unconvinced. “You were talking about the blue-haired oni, weren’t you.” It was more of a statement than a question.
Subaru sighed. “Got it in one, Wilhelm…”
“You said she was one of Roswaal’s maids,” Wilhelm said. “Why would she be trying to kill you?”
“She mistook me for a witch cultist,” Subaru said, hoping he could justify her actions enough that Wilhelm wouldn’t bring it up with Rem if she woke up. “Obviously I’m not one, but I had just arrived at the Emilia camp, and she found me really suspicious. Since they burned down her village, she really hated them, so--”
“Revenge,” Wilhelm said, sighing. “Of course. Did she hurt you too badly?”
“No, it was fine,” Subaru said, waving it off.
“The wind of untruth blows from you,” a new voice entered the conversation. Crusch. Subaru had to resist the urge to shoot her a glare for ratting him out.
“We just finished our meeting,” Emilia said, popping out from behind Crusch. “What’s all this about?”
“It’s about how one of your maids tried to kill Subaru,” Wilhelm said coolly.
“What?!” Emilia said, suddenly shocked.
“She was the one eaten by Gluttony, so that’s why nobody here remembers,” Subaru said, internally cursing. Now they were definitely going to bring this up with Rem… Her memories wouldn’t agree with this, since it was a different loop. Still, he’d dug this grave. If he didn’t explain this sufficiently, they might start to get suspicious, and the last thing he wanted was for Satella to pop any hearts because he’d accidentally tipped them off to Return by Death.
“Rem?” Emilia said, concerned. “But you love her… why would she be so dear to you if she had tried to kill you?” Her brow furrowed.
“We saved some kids together!” Subaru said. “And gave inspiring speeches about the future, and we helped save each other’s lives… so I guess it all ended up being water under the bridge.” There. That should satisfy them.
“Though you were quite severely injured, weren’t you?” Wilhelm said.
Oh come on! What is this, a cross-examination?!
“Yeah, I suppose so,” Subaru said, knowing Crusch could pick up on a lie.
Emilia looked confused for a moment. “Perhaps my memories are being negatively impacted by Gluttony, but wouldn’t you have needed to be healed then? I don’t remember myself or Beatrice healing you except for the incident with Elsa and the Wolgarm.”
The group looked at Subaru expectantly. “Rem healed me,” he said, something that wasn’t technically a lie.
“If Rem was trying to kill you, why would she heal you?” Emilia asked.
Damn it--Crusch is here, so I have to be honest about her motives… “Well, she was… getting out some frustration,” Subaru said, grimacing, “so you know, she’d attack me with the Morningstar, heal my injuries, attack me again-”
“She tortured you?” Wilhelm said. His aura became dark and heavy, like it had when Subaru had mentioned the White Whale during negotiations with Crusch.
"...Technically?" Subaru squeaked. "She knows I'm innocent now, at least, so it's not like she'd ever repeat that..."
Emilia’s eyes became large with shock. “Oh Subaru… is this why…”
Wilhelm’s aura lessened a bit, and Wilhelm and Crusch looked at Emilia.
“Partway through his first week, he started getting increasingly stressed, until he eventually broke down into tears. I wasn’t sure why that happened--or, well, maybe I don’t remember why…”
Subaru winced. That breakdown had happened mostly because of the trauma he’d endured from being killed by Ram and Rem, so he couldn’t deny it. “Well, it was partially overwork as well…”
“And then you had to deal with getting mauled by the Wolgarm,” Emilia lamented.
“Mauled by the-” Wilhelm started.
“And just after getting your belly sliced open by Elsa, too!” Emilia said.
Wilhelm and Crusch started giving each other looks.
“Subaru-” Wilhelm started, furrowing his brow.
“I’m fine, so you shouldn’t worry,” Subaru said.
“Lie,” Crusch responded. Subaru winced.
“Subaru,” Wilhelm said. “When I looked into your eyes, I knew from the look in them that you had been on death’s door many times before… but I had hoped they were in the distant past, and not while you were serving the Emilia camp. After all, it is the responsibility of the lord,” Wilhelm said, shooting a sharp glare at Emilia, “to protect their vassals.”
Emilia paled.
“It’s not her fault!” Subaru said. “I mean, at the time, I was Roswaal’s butler, so if anything it would be his fault. And besides, the maid acted on her own. It’s not like Roswaal asked her to try to kill-”
“To torture,” Emilia mournfully corrected.
“To torture. Me,” Subaru said. Even though it was correct from a technical standpoint, Subaru didn’t like to use the word torture in conjunction with Rem. It didn’t feel at all correct from an emotional standpoint. “It was a rough first week, sure, but far from the worst thing I’ve been through.”
Wilhelm sighed. “Subaru,” he said, putting his arms on Subaru’s shoulders. “Just… if you’re in danger, or if you need anything, you can always come to me. I know I’m often far away, but…”
“I know,” Subaru said. “Thanks, Wilhelm.”
“I’ll take good care of him!” Emilia said. “I don’t remember how that happened on my watch, but it will never happen again!”
“Good,” Wilhelm said, though his tone sounded more like you'd better.
“From what I’ve heard, Subaru was integral to the White Whale’s defeat,” Crusch said. “He’s an excellent asset, so make sure there aren’t too many repeats of situations like those.”
And here I thought I was supposed to be protecting her…
“Of course!” Emilia agreed.
“We should probably get on our way, Wilhelm,” Crusch said apologetically. “If we want to get back to the Karsten manor before dark. I apologize for cutting this short…”
“It is no issue, of course,” Wilhelm said. “It was good to see you, Subaru-dono. I hope your days henceforth are fortunate.”
“You too!” Subaru said.
As they gathered up their things to leave, Subaru couldn’t help but think about the conversation he’d just had.
When (if) Rem woke up, it would be quite problematic if everyone got their memories back and didn’t recall Rem trying to kill him. That would be a really awkward conversation. Maybe he could chalk it up to a side-effect of Gluttony or something. Or a shapeshifter? Could he somehow blame this on Capella?
Even though he got a headache just thinking about the problem he might have just caused himself, Subaru couldn’t help but feel… lighter.
Something about everyone knowing about just some of his suffering and acting horrified, even if they hadn’t known he was killed…
Yeah, Subaru thought. Talking to people really does make you feel better.
Some of the tightness in his chest began to ease.