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Sometimes, Logan doesn’t think he deserves his boyfriends.
First was Roman, the prince, always so forward about others but shy about himself. It was kind of endearing, watching him get flustered over a single compliment.
Next came Virgil, who was Roman’s first, then joined Roman in being Logan’s. Even though he was quiet, you could tell a lot about how he was feeling by the song he was playing.
And then was Janus, starting as Logan’s and then went to the other two as well. He was cold a lot and was getting better about coming to someone when he needed warmth.
Fourth was Patton, who was slowly integrated into their relationship until one day they realized that they were dating without meaning too (of course, they meant to stay dating). Patton pretended he didn’t have problems sometimes, but thanks to Janus calling bull, he was getting better about that.
Finally came Remus, and no one really knew who he started out dating except that it wasn’t Roman, because ew. He had simply smashed into them like a wrecking ball, and suddenly he was their boyfriend. Remus was a wrecking ball in a lot of things, both physically and emotionally, and sometimes mentally as well.
And they were so good to each other. So good to Logan. Who was selfish. He was so, so selfish. He had five boyfriends, and before he had started dating them, he had pretended that he had no emotions. To confess to them must have seemed like a full 180 to them, but they didn’t mind.
Because they loved Logan.
But should they?
Ever since they had started dating, Logan had been having emotional breakdowns at least three times a week, alone in his room. It was not okay, Logan was not okay, but the others didn’t need to know that.
After all, he had been selfish enough. He wasn’t going to steal extra of their attention simply because his mental health was declining. He could still perform his job perfectly well, he could function as if he didn’t spend thirty minutes crying the day before, as if he wasn’t worried that he would break down in front of everyone.
He had kept it a secret for two years when he forgot that Roman was coming over for a meeting.
Sitting in his room, Logan had spiraled. He was scared about so many different things to do with his boyfriends, but the main one was that they would realize he didn’t deserve him. That they would leave him behind and continue on together. And those thoughts had gotten louder, and more had joined, until he was curled in a ball in the middle of his floor and sobbing silently.
The door flinging open caught him by surprise. Of course, that was how Roman always entered rooms - dramatically and usually involving the door hitting the wall - but Logan wasn’t expecting it. He had forgotten, and now they would know everything and have even more reason to break up with him.
“My dearest darling nerd!” Roman sang, spinning into the room. “Are you ready for our- oh, darling!” Roman dropped to the floor beside Logan. “What’s wrong? Is it something I can fight? You know I am more than willing!”
Logan forced himself into a sitting position, trying to wipe his face free of tears before Roman saw them. “Nothing’s wrong, my love. Simply resting.”
Roman shook his head firmly. “Something is wrong. Please, what is it? I cannot help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong, you know that.”
Selfish. Don’t be selfish. I want to be selfish, but I can’t-
“What is it you want to be selfish about, darling?” Roman asked, because yep, Logan said that out loud. “It’s okay. You’re allowed to be selfish every once in a while. I know, darling, yes,” Roman added at Logan’s disbelieving scoff, “I’m being hypocritical right now. I’m trying to get better about that. Everyone is allowed some selfish time.”
Logan shook his head. “No, really, love, I’m fine. You don’t need to worry.”
“But I am worried,” Roman insisted. “I’m worried something might be really wrong and that I won’t know until it’s too late.”
Oh, that’s right, how could Logan have forgotten? The only thing more selfish than wanting comfort was keeping a secret as to why you want comfort. So Logan mumbled, “I don’t deserve any of you.”
And Roman laughed. He actually laughed!
“That’s all, darling?” Roman asked as soon as he had calmed down enough. “Really? I was really worried there for a minute.”
And there it was. The reason Logan didn’t want to tell Roman any of his issues. Because Roman would pass them off as meaningless and laugh at him. But Logan would be selfish if he pointed that out, so he simply said, “I’m glad you think it’s not something to be worried about.”
In hindsight, he can understand why Roman would think that that sentence was a passive-aggressive jab, when in reality, Logan was just stating a fact.
But Roman heard it as passive-aggressive, and covered his mouth instantly. “I apologize, darling. I didn’t mean to make you feel like your problems don’t mean anything. Of course they mean something, I was just relieved it wasn’t an issue that was worse. That was insensitive on my part.”
Logan was stunned. “You don’t have to apologize, love. I’m the one being selfish. I don’t deserve you.”
“You keep bringing up those words,” Roman said. “Selfish. Deserve. You know what? We’re all selfish. Every single one of us. And you know who we deserve? No one. Everyone is too good for everyone else. And that places us all on the same level. So, even though you don’t deserve any of us, in our eyes, it’s because you’re too good for us, not because we’re too good for you. Do you understand?”
Logan nodded, speechless. He felt his eyes watering again, tears slipping down his cheeks as Roman made comforting noises and wiped them away as fast as they came.
“It’s alright, darling, you can cry. You’re okay, you’re safe, I’m right here. Do you want me to get the others?”
Logan shook his head. “They’re doing their own thing. It would be selfish.”
Roman smiled. “I think it’s time you indulged in a bit of selfishness, darling. Cover your ears?”
Logan covered his ears as Roman shouted towards the door, “Hey! Our dearest darling nerd is sad!”
Remus was there first, sliding on his socks and slamming into the doorframe on his way in (see? Physical wrecking ball). Patton and Virgil came skidding in right behind Remus, probably having been baking together, with Janus just behind them, walking like a normal person, but close enough that Logan could tell he had been running, too, and had slowed down just enough to keep his dignity.
Which he promptly lost as he saw Logan and dashed over, wrapping him in a tight hug.
“Is something wrong, Lo?” Patton asked quietly, crouching down beside him.
Logan looked at Roman, who told the others, “Our favorite nerd thinks he doesn’t deserve us.”
“Yeah, cause you’re too good for us,” Remus claimed.
“I, surprisingly, agree with the trash raccoon,” Virgil said.
“And I most definitely do not agree with him,” Janus lied smoothly.
“I do, too,” Patton said.
Roman smiled at Logan. “See? What did I tell you? And, Jan, darling, maybe let him breathe a bit?”
Janus backed off, placing a kiss on Logan’s forehead before retreating so he was sitting in front of Logan. “You are the most wonderful boyfriend any of us could have wished for, honey. None of us deserve you. We love you so, so much.”
Logan spluttered for a second before saying, “But, I pretended I didn’t have emotions, then confessed that I loved you!”
“Everyone has their phases,” Virgil said. “Yours wasn’t damaging. It’s ended up alright, hasn’t it? A happy ending.”
“The story isn’t over yet, though,” Logan insisted. “It can’t be a happy ending without an ending.”
“Well, it’s happy for now,” Patton declared.
“And it definitely can have a happy ending,” Remus informed everyone. “Ending right now!”