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The funeral was delayed by six months.
It had originally been scheduled to happen right after the Core of the Abyss returned to its usual state and the initial chaos had subsided.
Everyone in Reveil wished for things to get back to normal quickly. Reim reasoned that this desire created a sort of urgency to bury the fallen as soon as possible. The reality of it was unfortunately much more complicated and Reim wasn’t sure there was a “normal” to come back to anymore, but he couldn’t blame anyone for clinging onto that hope.
It was the former Duchess Rainsworth that stepped in to temporarily call the burial off.
Reim felt immense guilt at that, knowing full well that he was the main reason behind the decision. No one ever stated this explicitly, but it was clear as day when the preparations abruptly stopped the very moment he announced he would not attend. The excuse he had given at the time was the amount of work he had been flooded with, following the orders to disband Pandora.
It was an obvious half-truth. Pretty much everyone involved with the organization was overwhelmed by the massive workload, Reim was not special in that regard. The families of the Four Dukedoms had the most on their plates in the end, with all the land, the possessions and the paperwork that had to swiftly change hands - that they had to keep track of. The responsibilities of a servant like Reim could not compare.
Still, when he had asked, Lady Sheryl looked at him with absolute kindness in her eyes and promised Reim she’d make sure he’d get to take part in the ceremony.
“Even a man so devoted to his duty should get to attend the funeral of his best friend, Mister Reim.’ is what she said, tone of voice filled with understanding and compassion, like she didn’t know he was lying through his teeth.
After all, Xerxes Break was the one thing Reim was devoted to the most.
He tried to shake off some of the shame by reminding himself that while he was the first to reject the invitation, had he not done so the outcome would have probably been the same. He was not the only one unprepared to face a future without Xerxes, he knew he wasn’t.
Lady Sharon and him were not quite ready to even confront each other, or so it seemed like. They had not talked properly ever since they'd parted ways after the tragedy.
That was yet another thought that plagued Reim constantly.
And so he predictably threw himself into work, taking on as many tasks as Rufus Barma would allow. One of the more daunting ones was direct communication with the Baskervilles, which Reim had chosen to pursue out of a sense of remorse. He did promise to be Lily’s friend and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to live with himself had he neglected that relationship as well.
During this period of time, Reim sometimes caught his colleagues looking at him with what he identified as compassion or, if he felt less charitable in mentally describing them, pity. He could hardly understand why they’d behave like this. This was a difficult time for all of them too and though he might have suffered a great loss, so did the people left without a job now that Pandora would cease to exist.
He sincerely hoped he didn’t somehow look particularly pitiable. He put great effort into maintaining the appearance he had kept up all these years working at Pandora - self-sufficient, but helpful. What kind of help would he be if he started relying on his coworkers for emotional support, at a time like this no less?
As weeks passed, the date kept getting pushed back to the point where Reim started to suspect that the cycle would go on for forever. On some level, maybe he would have liked for it to stay that way. To be able to avoid that painful confrontation completely. Maybe that was what his sense of normalcy hinged on.
Thus he was rather taken aback when Rufus Barma himself ordered for him to take the week off, providing no reason why he should do such a thing. The invitation that showed up on his desk later that same evening told him all he needed to know. Reim was not able to get any sleep that night.
The spot chosen for Break’s grave was one really close by where Lady Shelly had been laid to rest. Reim had not visited Lady Sharon’s mother in some time and had privately made a resolution to remedy that once the Oz situation came to a close. He had never expected to see her again in such grim circumstances.
The service itself was a private and rather unstructured affair with only a couple of people attending. The bulk of the Baskervilles had been there shockingly, albeit only for a short while. It must have been an order of Glen's, since without it they would have never come to the funeral of a man who had murdered their comrade in cold blood. They had always been polite when Reim consulted with them, but bringing up the name of Xerxes Break still elicited anger and disgust. Understandably so.
They simply paid their respects, acknowledged Xerx's convoluted contributions to saving the world and moved on. Gilbert lingered for a bit longer, of course, but Reim could never see him as a proper Baskerville anyway. He had shown up alongside them, but there was no doubt in Reim’s mind that Glen’s orders had little to do with Gilbert’s presence at the ceremony.
Lily gave Reim a quick hug before running back to grab Lottie’s hand when they all walked away. He appreciated the gesture, although he didn’t see it coming. An inkling of a genuine smile made its way onto his face when he waved at the girl.
Reim saw Vincent hesitating to leave too, but he ultimately disappeared with the rest of them. Privately, Reim was relieved. Whatever role Xerxes played in his life, he still had some nerve to show his face in front of Lady Sharon while she was in mourning.
Rufus Barma was another guest Reim did not fully expect, but in retrospect it made sense that he’d want to accompany Lady Sheryl. As much as Reim respected him however, Rufus was also an additional person he could do without. At a ceremony like this, the presence of his boss put on unnecessary pressure. Logistically, while Rufus Barma might have been demanding as a superior, he was not a cruel man, and he definitely didn’t expect Reim to remain professional in this setting. In all likelihood, he was hardly even paying any attention to Reim, focusing all his efforts on consoling Lady Sheryl.
Even so, Reim’s posture remained rigid and he hardly uttered anything until both the Duchess and the Duke left.
Sharon was the only one Reim saw shed any tears throughout the service.
He was surprised with the fact that Gilbert had not cried at all, since he couldn't help but think of him as overly emotional - an idea implanted in his brain by none other than the man they had just buried. Then again, GIlbert had mellowed out quite a bit in these past few months. Losing Oz a second time was surely taking a considerable toll on him. Reim could only imagine what that kind of grief felt like.
Still, Gilbert was the one who comforted Lady Sharon when she broke down fully, with her grandmother already out of sight. Reim had always known the two were friends, but never before had he seen that result in anything other than Lady Sharon’s merciless bullying of the poor Nightray boy. It was frankly bizarre to him, seeing Gilbert kneel down to put his hand on her shoulder as she cried, only for her to turn to him and start sobbing into his coat.
Reim could do nothing but to keep his distance and watch, wordlessly. Patiently. And if he for a moment allowed himself to quietly weep, drying all the tears with the sleeve of his suit, neither Sharon nor Gilbert would know.
He wasn’t sure for how long this lasted and he didn’t care to process the things the two were saying in hushed voices.
Eventually, Sharon had calmed down a little. Gilbert offered her a handkerchief, which she promptly declined. In response to this Gil nodded and stood up, dusting off his pants as he did so.
Before he left, he stopped at Reim’s side and muttered something along the lines of “my deepest condolences”, squeezing Reim’s shoulder with some vague semblance of sympathy. Reim just smiled at him, a little strained - the same smile he had given all his coworkers when he explained why he would not show up to work that day.
With Gilbert gone, he and Lady Sharon were the last two present at the grave. This was not a strange outcome - Reim in a way planned for this to happen, but the anxiety that made his heart race persisted.
Coming face to face with her after months of no contact between them, he felt like an utter disgrace. He had wanted to be the one who she could depend on, provided support and helped her find a way to move on, yet there he was, refusing to search for one for himself. He had made a resolution the day Xerx died, that he'd share her sorrow, but he had barely even handled his own.
His eyes kept darting between her and the ground, unsure if he was allowed to look at her now.
"Lady Sharon, I think we should start heading back. It might rain soon." He forced his voice to remain steady despite it all.
She turned her head away from the grave and towards Reim, though she made no move to stand up just yet. Reim couldn’t see her eyes beneath the veil she had chosen to wear, but he could imagine how red and puffy they must have been. Maybe it was for the best then, that he did not get to look into them and feel the guilt weighing even more heavily.
But then again, that fact made it so that he could not even begin to interpret what sort of things were going through her mind. The drawn out silence felt as if he was awaiting the moment of his execution. He drew in a sharp breath, steeling himself for the worst.
"...No need for the formalities. I'm not the heiress to the Rainsworth Dukedom anymore… and it just doesn’t make sense for you, of all people, to address me like that." She spoke and those words brought such relief to Reim, whether she grasped how meaningful this was to him or not. He sighed softly and nodded along.
"Alright, Sharon." He extended his hand, but she stubbornly refused to take it.
"I don't feel like going back yet." She shook her head.
"Alright. How about we take a stroll around the garden then?"
“...If you insist.”
The cemetery in which members of the Rainsworth family were buried was situated on the edge of the Rainsworth estate and surrounded by a quaint, little garden. Spring had already begun and with it some of the flowers had started to bloom as well. A more inspired person could have found this sort of thing poetic - witnessing new life thrive in spite of the occasion, but Reim had never been the artistic sort. He kept his gaze on the path beneath his feet, wondering if he should say something or whether Sharon preferred this silence that overcame them.
They ended up walking a little further away until they found a nearby bench. Reim’s worry about the rain did not disappear overtime, but as long as Sharon stayed in his company he’d comply with her wishes.
They sat with a reasonable amount of distance between them, enough to not risk their knees touching accidentally but not too far away either, lest they would actually feel distant.
They didn’t look at each other at that point, only staring straight ahead. Reim noted that there was something poetic to be found in their location too. The mansion was the place where they had first found Xerx - where his new life as Xerxes Break properly began and now it would be the place where he’d decay. He quietly hoped Sharon had noticed these things, just like him, and that she was able to form more coherent thoughts about them.
After a while, Reim came to believe that maybe he’d be content with the day ending like this. That he and Sharon didn’t have to exchange any more words, that this would be an alright start to some kind of a healing process on its own. Any kind of healing process would have been an improvement over how he had been living.
But after a separation so long, he could hardly expect the two of them to be in tune with each other. So Sharon broke the silence just as Reim finally settled into it.
“...I can’t believe… he is actually gone.” Sharon whispered all of a sudden, a murmur so faint Reim thought it was just the sound of the wind. But then she continued. “I - We’ve always known this would come, but it feels too soon nevertheless.”
His heart clenched– and he couldn’t tell whether it was because of how broken Sharon’s voice was, hoarse and raspy, or how she seemed to have ripped that sentiment right out of his own mind.
Reim nodded along thoughtfully, but when he realized Sharon was probably still not looking at him he added, “Every time I saw him, his eyes seemed to grow dimmer… And yet, up until the end I sincerely trusted that he’d find a way to cheat fate, somehow.”
“Yes… Me too. It was all so foolish--” Sharon made a choked noise and Reim feared she might start crying again, but it stopped at that. Ever so dignified, she brought her hand to her cheek and quickly wiped away the single stray tear running down her face.
“He… He would not have wanted us to fall apart like this because of him, Sharon.” Reim vocalized thoughts he didn’t truly believe.
Xerxes Break would have not wanted a lot of things - if he had had his way, he would have shut himself off from the world and died alone, many years ago. He would have made sure he’d be forgotten, no traces of him remaining in this world. They had always disagreed on that point, as Xerx never wanted to accept just how much he mattered to those around him.
But coming up with words that carried hope felt near impossible and he couldn’t stand Sharon’s miserable disposition, so he settled for simplicity and cliches.
“He would have wanted us to go on, despite him…” Right as the words left his mouth, he knew it was the wrong thing to say. He did not bother with finishing the sentence.
“That’s easier said than done… Reim, I– I just miss him so much. Every single day, I keep finding candy wrappers and… and little things like that, they just keep reminding me of him.”
And again Reim swallowed thickly, because he knew precisely what she was talking about. Even today, there had been a stack of paperwork that Xerxes had left unfinished on his desk, juvenile notes he had a habit of leaving around to mock him in Reim’s drawer.
“M-me too… I miss him too.”
At that Sharon shook her head furiously, making the veil fall to the side of her face.
“You don’t get it, Reim… You- you… you didn’t love him the way I did.”
The words stung a bit, hearing that Sharon thought he wouldn’t understand. He couldn’t take it personally though, mostly because he felt the same way and in all truth, Sharon had all the reason to be upset at him.
Though as isolated as they’ve become, it didn’t have to be like this. Reim wouldn’t have come to the service otherwise.
“Maybe so… but you didn’t love him the way I did either.” He offered.
Sharon’s eyes widened in recognition and she put a hand over her mouth, conveying shock. Was she actually surprised to hear that from him? He always thought it was a well known fact he loved Xerx, was in love with him–that it came through with every small gesture, every opportunity to spend time together that Reim would jump on, every time the affectionate nickname rolled off his tongue.
With the realization that Sharon did not know, Reim started doubting whether Xerxes ever reached the right conclusion himself. Another bullet point he should add to the list of things he could have done better.
“...Can you please tell me about it?” She asked shyly.
Reim gave a wry chuckle. It was an embarrassing request, but he couldn’t deny her.
“...The way I loved him… it was rather contradictory… He was always such a fragile thing, I felt like if I lost sight of him he might just disappear. I detested him most days, you know he just kept pushing himself in unimaginable ways. I would do anything to share that burden he carried, but he never became any less allusive than when we first discovered him, hasn’t he? Just out of reach until the very end…”
He could hear her humming beside him, expressing understanding or maybe that she related to what he said.
“You put it into words so… eloquently. I don’t think I could ever do that.” Another chuckle escaped Reim–not in a million years would he think Sharon would be calling him eloquent whilst speaking on the matter of love. Wasn’t she the one so acutely interested in the subject?
Sharon longed for the love she couldn’t have, but to Reim it has always been an accident.
"You're being too harsh on yourself. I'm sure if you took your time, you'd find the right words eventually." He spoke honestly.
“...Did you give this a lot of thought?”
“Yes…” More than he’d care to admit. He’d probably continue thinking about it for years to come.
Then Sharon shifted on the bench, turning to the side. She stared Reim down and he suppressed the urge to look down immediately, feeling a little too exposed for comfort.
“Did you ever tell him?” The question came out determined, unlike the sorrowful aura Sharon had been carrying with her ever since that day. It was the confidence Reim was afraid she was going to lose forever, the confidence she cultivated to walk by Xerx’s side.
Looking back into her eyes, Reim found an indescribable emotion, a strange mix of complete despair and anticipation.
“Not explicitly, no.” He pushed up his glasses, itching to start polishing them - a nervous habit he had recently tried to cut back on. Reim knew he absolutely had to choose his next words carefully.
“I’ve always let my devotion speak for my affections. You should know that, Sharon.” He reached out for her hand and squeezed it tightly, eliciting a small gasp.
“...Even after all this time?” She whispered softly and Reim allowed himself to return her fierce gaze. Without the veil, she appeared much less poised but all the more beautiful for it.
“Yes.” He breathed out. It was the worst time to bring something like this up, but if the two of them were to move forward they had to learn. They had to put trust in each other again, be honest with each other and they couldn’t keep waiting to do so. The way their story was written, there would never be a right moment for this sort of thing.
Sharon leaned into the touch even as her eyes were beginning to water.
“Oh, Reim… what are we going to do without him?”
He truly did not know, but he couldn’t rely on tired tropes to console her. He sighed deeply, resigning himself to his fate of having to speak from his heart.
“If he were here, we would both run to him first, I’m sure of it… but right now all we have to hold is each other.”
Reim’s world had become so small without Xerx in it. No more were there grand schemes he was only vaguely aware of, schemes that had nearly caused the end of everything not long ago. No longer did he feel the weight of responsibility that insane man had recklessly taken on, one that he wanted to help him carry out so desperately. No longer did he feel like he had to reach out and hold it all in place, as it would all collapse otherwise.
All that he had left of him for these past few months was the paperwork–countless reports of the Sablier incident mentioning his name, reports describing the details of his injuries and death that Reim had to sign. The reports he had left on Reim’s desk before his death too, waiting to be filled out. His will that Reim made sure would be executed, barebones as it was. All the mundane parts of life Xerxes could always do without.
Now though, Reim could get a piece of him back, through Sharon. Once more - He would have come to the funeral, if not for his faith in being able to reach her.
Normally, Reim would have felt cruel for seeing Sharon like through this lens, as an extension of Xerx’s legacy. She was her own person after all, and a person with many insecurities about living in his shadow too… but he knew deep down that she was in his exact same position.
To share what was left of him, that was what they needed the most.
It wasn’t long before Sharon had started tearing up again. She flung herself into his arms. Truthfully, he did not expect this sudden closeness, but he did not hesitate to wrap his arms around her.
Reim made sure to hold onto her tightly this time. He’d never let go of her again.