Chapter Text
...I don’t know if Mr. Nelson remembers me...
“Charlie, god, that’s not how you write that!“
Charlie winced, startled by Laura’s voice. He turned around in his office chair to find his colleague staring at his computer screen with a frown.
“What do you mean?“
She gave a deep sigh and pulled up her own chair so she could sit next to him. Laura was approximately the only nice person working for the magazine where Charlie had got his first job after getting his degree in English Literature from Leeds university. So far, going into journalism had been a terrible idea. Charlie loved the writing and he knew he was good at it. But thinking about writing for a magazine, he had always kind of pictured himself alone on his couch, writing a column about indie music artists. He had not really considered how much of this work would not actually be about writing but trying to sell his ideas to other people or researching topics he didn’t care about in the slightest.
Also, the work environment at his office was everything but healthy. His colleagues were always overworked, stressed and had no time for someone they thought would get fired any day now. Apart from Laura, who was as impatient as the rest of them but at least had a shred of faith in Charlie’s abilities. Right now, she was studying the e-mail he had drafted and shaking her head.
“Okay, do you actually want to get fired? Because if you hate this place so much you could just quit, you know.“
Did he want to get fired? He low-key hated his job but he did not have a lot of other options right now. Getting it without much experience in the field had already been a small miracle. And when it came down to it, the one thing that might actually have been worse than this was the prospect of moving back in with his parents because he couldn’t support himself financially.
“No, I don’t. But what am I supposed to do? I know literally nothing about rugby. The only thing connecting me to Nicholas Nelson is that we went to the same school. We never even talked! I’m almost sure he doesn’t remember me.“
Or if he does, he only knows me as the gay kid they used make fun of, he thought but didn’t say it. Although he never actively hid his sexuality nowadays, he also had never felt like coming out at work and now didn’t seem like the right time.
Laura gave another one of her exasperated sighs. “It doesn’t matter if he remembers you! Actually, it’s probably better if he doesn’t. Look.“
She gently pushed him a little to the side so she could reach for his keyboard, changing the sentence in question to I’m sure Nick remembers me well.
“People don’t like to admit they don’t remember stuff,“ she explained. “He will just pretend to know you. Now, let’s see...“
She scanned the rest of the e-mail and with every line she read, her frown deepened. When she was finished she gave yet another deep sigh.
“You cannot send this. This sounds way too needy!“
“But I am needy. If this doesn’t work I will literally get fired!“
Laura rolled her eyes at him.
“But you can’t let them know that! Don’t tell them that you need this. Make it sound like this is an opportunity for them. Nick Nelson got a little bit of negative press recently, what with the alleged fights and all that. You need to use that. Tell them this is his chance to tell his side of the story! Anyway, I’ll leave you to it. But if you want I can have another look once you’ve fixed this.“
Charlie suppressed a groan. He knew Laura was just trying to help but he hated everything about this assignment. And this day. Actually, the whole month hadn’t been so great. He had almost been fired twice – which was fair, he guessed, because he really wasn’t that good at his job. The first time his boss simply forgot about him because something else had come up and so he had kept his job for a little longer. After another week he seemed to remember though, telling Charlie to come to his office after lunch. This time it was an off-hand comment he had made to Laura about having to move all the way back to Kent to live with his parents that had unexpectedly saved him. (Or maybe doomed him, he wasn’t really sure yet.)
They had been in the kitchen to get coffee and somehow the conversation had progressed into a little bit of small talk with some of their colleagues about him moving so far away from home. Kenny, one of the other writers, had made a comment about not minding more people from Kent coming to Leeds as long as they helped the rugby team get back into Premiership, which had sparked a bit of confusion until he explained that Nick Nelson, the up-and-coming rugby star of the Leeds Tykes, was also from Kent.
Charlie had looked up from his coffee mug, glad to be thinking about anything other then being fired, even if it was rugby, and without giving it much thought, had said, “Oh yeah, I went to school with Nick Nelson.”
In no way had he anticipated the reaction this got from Kenny and later their boss. He knew of Nick Nelson, he had even heard of him becoming a professional rugby player. But he’d had no idea why him knowing Nelson would have even been noteworthy until Kenny had explained it to him.
The thing about Nick Nelson seemed to be that he was sort of an underdog – going pro despite not even having been at a specialised sports school – which always appealed to people. Some people also attributed the fact that the Leeds team got back into Premiership for the first time in years at least partly to Nelson joining the team. Because of this he had a very dedicated fan base, especially in Leeds, despite being apparently rather shy.
It seemed he avoided the press where he could, adding a layer of mystique to his handsome face. Yes, Charlie had googled his picture. Solely for work related reasons, obviously. Not at all because in school he’d once had a small crush on him and wanted to check if he still looked as handsome. (He did, for the record, maybe even more so.)
In the end, potentially getting an interview with Nick Nelson sounded so promising to Charlie’s boss that he decided to give Charlie one last chance to prove his worth to the magazine. All he had to do was get Nick Nelson to talk to him and write a captivating article about him before the rugby season ended.
In theory this might have been an exciting opportunity. He got to write a whole feature article all by himself. He could research and find an interesting angle and show off his writing. Things he was good at.
The problem was that a) he didn’t think Nick would want to talk to him and b) he didn’t really want to talk to Nick. Despite his undeniable – well, scrap that he had actually denied it through most of year 11 – attraction to Nick, he would never forget what kind of people the rugby lads at Truham Grammar School for Boys had been. He would never forget the relentless bullying after he had been outed as gay in year 9. Them making demeaning comments and chucking stuff at everyone they didn’t like. He had honestly believed that after university he would finally be able to avoid these kinds of people altogether. Instead, through some cruel twist of fate he now would have to try and make one of them look good in an article.
Well, he thought when he finally sent the e-mail with his request for an interview to Nelsons publicist, He’s gonna say no anyway. Why would he want to talk to me?
Two days went by without Charlie hearing anything back from Nick. Secretly, he spent at least half the time he should have been researching Nelson looking for job offers instead, which seemed like less of a waste of time than trying to understand the appeal of rugby. Not that Charlie couldn’t appreciate a bunch of fit men running around in shorts for a while, but after watching a few games it got pretty boring.
When he finally closed his laptop on Friday to head into the weekend he was also painfully aware that he had wasted two days barely getting anything done. He would lose his job, he was pretty sure of that, but he needed to ban those thoughts to the back of his mind for now. He had been looking forward to this particular weekend for weeks and he was determined not to let his crappy job ruin it.
Charlie mostly enjoyed living in Leeds. His mum had wanted him to choose a university closer to home, but putting some distance between himself and his home town had been one of his main objectives after finishing school. He knew that a lot of young people were eager to spread their wings after graduating, but for him it had more to do with finding some closure after the hell that had been his teenage years. Between being outed and bullied at school and being stuck in an abusive relationship that took him years of therapy to get over, his only good memories from school revolved around his tight group of friends. There had been five of them – Tao, Isaac, Elle, Tara and Darcy – and they had stood by Charlie through all the ups and downs of his mental health struggles. And then, after graduating they had all left Kent one by one, suddenly being scattered all over England instead of seeing each other regularly. With Charlie’s sister Tori also graduating and leaving one year before him, there was almost no reason for Charlie to stay. His mother insisted that being close to family would be safer for him in case he relapsed, but for Charlie it had felt like the most important part of his family were his friends.
With all the couples from their friend group staying together and moving to the same cities respectively, it had seemed to make sense for Charlie to accompany Isaac, who had decided to study at Leeds university. Their English Lit courses seemed decent, it was far enough away from home and he wouldn’t be completely alone in a new city. Even though his university years were not exactly what he had hoped they would be, he never regretted his decision. Maybe, if he had gone with Elle and Tao, or Tara and Darcy, there would have been more partying, and more of the typical university experiences people like to look back to. But on the other hand, it had given him the time to concentrate on his studies and his mental health, meaning that overall he was in a much better place afterwards than he had started in.
The only disadvantage of Leeds was that it was farther away from London, where Tao and Elle lived. During their time at university this hadn’t been so bad. They saw each other during the breaks or took the train to visit for the weekend. But now that they had all started working it got more and more difficult to find time to just hang out. Charlie’s and Isaac’s schedules were already rather packed, but Tao worked in the film industry and Elle tried to make a career out of her art degree, which meant that they both constantly worked too much for too little pay and recognition. Charlie hoped that it would get better at some point but he understood that it might take a few years for all of them to settle into a stable adult life.
So that was exactly the reason why this weekend was so important. It was the first time in months that Tao and Elle visited them in Leeds and Charlie was determined to make the best of it. They were on their way to Edinburgh to attend the wedding of Elle’s cousin and planned to spend two weeks travelling around Scotland. Since Leeds was basically on their way, they took the opportunity to stop by and stay for one night at the small flat Isaac and Charlie shared.
For today they had planned one of their film nights just like old times, although that nowadays meant that they watched one film Tao had been dying to show them (two if Tao was very persistent) and spent the rest of the night talking and catching up. When Charlie finally got home, they had already started to assemble cushions and blankets in Isaac’s room to get cosy for their film night.
“Charlie!”
Elle jumped up the moment Charlie came through the door and pulled him into a tight hug, followed by Tao, who appeared way less excited to the untrained eye, but Charlie knew they had both missed him just as much as he had missed them. They took a moment to exchange the obligatory “It’s been too long”s and “You look great”s, before Charlie disappeared into his own room to quickly change into more comfortable clothes. When he came back, his friends as well as a fresh cup of tea were already waiting for him and he had to hold back a relieved sigh as he settled down on the blankets between them. Finally their weekend could start.
“So,” Elle started, smiling at Charlie, “How have you been? You’ve been so quiet in the group chat lately!“
Charlie realised how Elle tried very hard to sound casual and not let any concern show. He couldn’t blame her. He had a record of isolating himself when things got hard.
“Uhm... work has been...“
He saw Isaac give him a look and knew that lying about it wouldn’t help.
“Work has been a disaster. I’m like ninety percent sure I’m gonna get fired in the next two weeks. But I really don’t wanna talk about it tonight.“
“Well... okay. But if there is anything we can do to help you...“
Charlie stared at the mug in his hands. Five minutes in and he had already managed to dampen the mood with his problems.
“I don’t know. How likely is it that one of you becomes like a super big star overnight and I can use my connection to you to write a feature for our magazine about it?“
“You mean a bigger star than Isaac is on booktok?“
Charlie chuckled sadly.
“Much bigger I’m afraid. It needs to be something with more glamour. Like sports or acting...“
Tao snorted and rolled his eyes.
“Why do people focus this much on actors in the first place? Actors are nothing without good writing and editing. Speaking of which, should we start the film so we at least watch one. You know, since this is supposed to be a film night...“
Charlie saw Elle open her mouth but was quick enough to stop her before she could object.
“Tao’s right. Let’s start watching. We can still catch up afterwards.”
Elle hesitated but finally agreed. Charlie briefly caught Tao’s eye, trying to convey with one look how thankful he was for the diversion and received a tight-lipped smile in return. Of course Charlie understood that his friends worried about him, they had every right to. But after focusing too much on his own problems for the whole week he needed some time to breathe and just enjoy his friends’ company. He could worry about work some other time.
Unfortunately, it turned out that some other people (namely Nelson’s publicist) had not used their Friday night to relax, but felt it was the appropriate time to answer work e-mails. Charlie could have remained blissfully oblivious to this fact, but unfortunately after finishing the film he quickly grabbed his phone to check the time.
“Fuck.“
He felt everyone looking at him as he stared at the notification about one new e-mail. From Nick Nelson’s publicist. He swallowed as he unlocked his phone to check what it said. After reading through the e-mail with widened eyes for three times he let out a small groan.
“Oh no... no no no. This is bad.“
Tao was the first of the others to speak.
“Charlie? Could you let us know on a scale from you’ve read a bad take on twitter to someone died just how bad it is... whatever it is.“
“Okay, remember how I told you I’m gonna get fired?“
“Oh.“ Tao seemed lost for words for once.
“Oh Charlie, I’m so sorry,“ Elle started but Charlie shook his head violently.
“No. I’m not getting fired. That’s the good news. The bad news is, I have to do a feature article on a rugby star.“
There was a moment of silence. Tao’s face was scrunched up in disgust. Isaac, who already knew about the whole thing, couldn’t hide a smirk. Elle seemed neutral when she finally spoke.
“Oh... rugby? Why rugby? Don’t you have like… sports people who cover this sort of stuff?“
Charlie sighed.
“You remember Nick Nelson? Truham’s former rugby king, now turned pro?“
“Yeah, he was in my year before I switched to Higgs,“ Elle confirmed.
“Nick Nelson? Wasn’t he friends with Harry Greene and that lot?“ Now the disdain was also clearly evident in Tao’s voice.
“Yep, that’s the one. My boss found out that I was in the year below him at Truham and thought he might be open to talk to me. You know, he normally doesn’t do interviews. So my boss told me if I could get a good story he wouldn’t fire me. I reached out to Nick’s publicist. I never thought they would respond at all but I just got a reply and they gave me his private number. And said Nick was looking forward to hearing from me.“
“And that is a good thing, right?“ Elle asked carefully.
“A good thing? Of course it’s not a good thing. Have you forgotten that these people are just a bunch of bullies? Charlie shouldn’t be forced to talk to any of them after what they did to him!“
“I’m right here, you know.“ Charlie rolled his eyes at Tao. “You’re not wrong though. I do not want to do this interview. What do I even do with his number? Do I call him or write a message? Does any of you know anything about Nick?“
“He was one of the rugby boys. I don’t think you’re going to find much of a deep story there. He probably likes Marvel films and bullying people.“
“I’m a little afraid to ask which one of these you actually think is worse,“ Charlie deadpanned.
“With the way Marvel is treating their VFX artists there is barely a difference,“ Tao scoffed, crossing his arms.
Not getting anything useful from Tao, Charlie looked at Elle, hoping that she would know anything that might help him.
“He was in my year but honestly I don’t remember him that much. I think he was rather quiet? I mean, I tried to avoid everyone in that friend group anyway but with him it actually worked I think. He never cornered me just to deadname me.“
“Wow, so he didn’t throw around slurs like the rest of them, he just stood by and was okay with it. Give the man a medal.“ Tao’s voice was dripping with sarcasm.
Now Elle rolled her eyes at her boyfriend. “We get it, you are the only true ally.”
Tao blushed (actually blushed, which was something only Elle ever achieved) and ducked his head while he mumbled an apology (or as much of an apology as anyone ever got from him). “Got it. You were the one they targeted, I don’t get to drop my anger about it on you as well. Although they were also racist, so I have my own right to hold on to my grudge against Truham’s rugby lads. And I bet the Marvel thing is true as well.”
The two of them shared the briefest of looks, Tao still slightly bashful and Elle with a reassuring smile, reminding Charlie that despite the bickering they always looked out for each other’s feelings. Before Tao could spot him watching them and get defensive about it, Charlie turned away and sighed.
“So no-one knows anything about Nick?”
“He’s fluent in French and at school his lock screen was a picture of his dog.“
They all looked at Isaac in surprise.
“How do you know that?“ Charlie asked.
“I’m surprised you didn’t.“ There was a smirk on Isaac’s face and a glint in his eyes. Shit. Did he know that Charlie once had a crush on Nick? No, there was no way. Charlie had never told anyone. “You know... since you’re the one doing an article on him,“ Isaac continued but the glint was still there.
“I know that he plays rugby and there are rumours that he is dating Imogen Heaney. You remember her? She went to Higgs as well. She’s got a Youtube channel with like a few hundred thousand followers.“
He once again turned to Elle questioningly.
“Imogen, yeah... I remember her. I only talked to her once though and that was about Nick. She was definitely into him then.“
“Okay, so that’s an angle I could go for... teenage romance. If they really are still dating. Our readers love this kind of stuff.“
Tao’s face scrunched up in disdain once more.
“Ugh, really? Romanticising staying in some perfect straight relationship for the rest of your life with someone you met at an age when you’re not even allowed to vote?“
“Hey!“ Elle scowled at him.
“We’re different.” Tao’s voice was completely dry. “We’re in a queer relationship. Besides, you’re literally the coolest person I will ever meet in my entire life. It was just luck I met you when I was young. I don’t stick with you only because we were young.“
Now even Isaac looked up from his book, a wide grin on his face. “Awww, you make me believe in romance.“
Tao rolled his eyes at him but Charlie saw the look Tao and Elle shared once Isaac went back to his book. They were still completely in love. Charlie could see it from the outside but there was still something in that look that was just for them. An understanding they had for each other and the certainty that what they had was just for them and not to show off to anyone else.
Charlie loved how deeply his friends cared for each other but he couldn’t help feeling a bit envious about it as well. They had exactly the kind of romance Charlie would have wished for himself but would never be able to have. After all, the way Elle looked at Tao was not the way anyone would look at a gay nerd who in his early twenties had more officially diagnosed mental disorders than he’d kissed boys. Plus, a gay nerd who would probably also be out of a job by the end of the month. Unless writing the article about Nick Nelson went well. But honestly, it was already a small miracle that he had agreed to meet Charlie in the first place. Charlie had little hope he could connect with Nick on any level. They lived in completely different worlds and Charlie was not the kind of person to charm rugby lads. It was a disaster waiting to happen. But right now he didn’t have any other choice but to go through with it.
“I just don’t think I really have a choice in the matter...“
Nick sighed in defeat and let his head fall back onto the back rest of the couch. Imogen was kneeling beside him on the couch, leaning sideways against the dark blue fabric of the back rest, a glass of red wine in her hand.
“Of course you do. You don’t have to talk to magazines if you don’t want to. I hate seeing my favourite boyfriend so distressed!“
Nick gave her a questioning look.
“Your favourite boyfriend? You have more than one now?“
Imogen just shrugged.
“How would I know? I only found out that we’re dating again because someone pointed it out to me on twitter. Back to topic though. As much as I love using your fame for clout, you really don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. You hate the attention.“
“I just don’t get why me being good at rugby isn’t enough to... you know, be a rugby player. Why does anyone care what my favourite colour is or who I’m dating?“
“Then don’t do it!“
Imogen gently squeezed his shoulder, her voice insistent. He gave her a sad smile.
“My publicist thinks that would be a bad idea. Ever since the story about me being suspended at school for fighting broke, my sponsors apparently got nervous. Plus that ridiculous story where they took that stupid post match interview out of context and made me look like I’m the most ungrateful arrogant prick in the world. If I keep getting bad press...“
“You’ll lose sponsors, okay. That doesn’t stop you from playing, does it? You’re still smart. After a few seasons you retire and become a teacher like you thought you would before that scout spotted you. You don’t need big money to be happy. You know you don’t.“
Nick gave another sigh, taking up his own glass of wine but to stare at it rather than drink it.
“That’s not the only thing though...“
He didn’t need to look up to know that Imogen was still looking at him, eyes as attentive as ever. She didn’t say anything, knowing him well enough to understand that sometimes he needed a moment to get his thoughts sorted.
“You remember Charlie Spring? From Truham?“
“Charlie Spring? Wasn’t he...“
“The gay kid who got outed in year 9, yeah. He’s the one doing the article. He’s... I mean... he’s kind of blackmailing me, I guess?“
“What? He wouldn’t! I mean, I didn’t know him personally but...” Her voice trailed off and she blinked in confusion. “Wait, what would he even know about you to blackmail you with?“
Imogen had put down her glass now and sat up, trying to meet Nick’s gaze. He glanced at her before looking down again. He shook his head, trying to find the right words to explain.
“I didn’t really know him either. Never talked to him. But he got in touch with my publicist, being all I’m sure Nick remembers me... and yeah, course I do. But the only time we ever saw each other was when my rugby mates would bully him. So that’s obviously what he’s playing at. And then the rest of the e-mail was all Nick should get the opportunity to tell his side of the story. Like... he’s gonna publish that. Obviously he didn’t outright say it. But if I don’t talk to him he’s just gonna publish that I’m that sort of homophobic bully. Would fit the whole fighting rugby lad stereotype too. And okay, fuck the sponsors maybe. But I don’t want my mum to read that. The stuff about me being suspended for fighting... at least that was true. But I don’t want anyone to think I hate queer people. Imagine some gay rugby kid reading that about me.“
“Oh Nick, I’m so sorry. Put that glass down for a sec, yeah?“
The moment the glass was safe on the couch table, she was pulling him into a tight hug. Nick returned the hug, closing his eyes for a second. It was good to know that he had Imogen in his corner. She was like a sister to him ever since they had tried (and spectacularly failed at) dating for a few months in year 11. With both of them being people who shared affection preferably through touch, they still had a relationship that entailed a great deal of physical contact, which was one of the reasons the rumours about them dating wouldn’t die down. But watching how the closest most of his rugby mates ever got to comforting each other were handshakes and quick bro hugs, he counted himself very lucky do have Imogen.
Once she had let go of him she gave him a thoughtful look.
“Do you really think he would print this though? He always seemed like a nice guy. Wasn’t he friends with Tara back in school?”
“I don’t know. But I don’t think I can risk it. And it’s not like me and Tara were very close or anything. I doubt she’d vouch for me even if he’d ask her.”
“Oh god, I hope he never asks her about me.”
Imogen visibly shuddered, earning a questioning frown from Nick.
“During all the time at Higgs I had like one real conversation with Tara and it was so embarrassing. Somehow the peak of my well-meaning-straight-girl- and my embarrassingly-coming-on-to-clearly-not-interested-Nick-Nelson-era.”
This at least elicited a small laugh from Nick, when suddenly Imogen’s eyes lit up.
“Okay... speaking of straight girls – maybe this is a bad idea, but what if you came out? If people knew you’re bi then Charlie Spring would have a hard time convincing them that you’re homophobic, right?“
“I thought about that but... it doesn’t feel right? I don’t know. I don’t really mind people knowing but I would feel weird making a big announcement about it.“ Nick gave a joyless chuckle. “I also think the sponsors would dislike that even more than me getting into fights. And I really don’t want to be drawn into some public argument about whether or not bisexuality is real. I don’t have the patience to debate people who don’t believe that someone can be attracted to more than one gender.“
“Mh, it seems you don’t have a choice other than meeting Charlie Spring again. Who knows, maybe it won’t be so bad?“
“You mean beneath the blackmailing he might be a nice person?“
Imogen pulled him into another hug and he relaxed against her.
„In any case, I’m always here for you!“
He smiled. Even if Charlie turned out to be the worst person in the world, at least he didn’t have to go through any of this alone.