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Levi creaks open the door without knocking. He pokes his head in.
"You called?"
Erwin gets up from his place in the desk, somewhat in a hurry. He walks around the cluttered table to reach Levi. "Close the door," he's saying, "make sure it's locked."
It's a black coat. With pockets at the sides and big black buttons. Erwin drapes it over Levi's shoulder to check the size. "Happy birthday," he smiles, seeing that he chose the right size.
"Again?" Levi doesn't really have a birthday. There is no record of it and Levi was too young to remember dates when his mother used to celebrate with him. So Erwin takes the liberty to celebrate his birthday with him at odd times every year, sometimes twice or thrice a year.
"You don't like it? It's good for the winter."
It is warm. Levi likes it. "How much did it cost?" Erwin likes to buy expensive gifts for Levi. He smiles cheekily at him. "Do you like it or not?"
"I do, but it's not good to waste money like this. And you know, I would like something else much better."
"Like what?"
It's Levi's turn to smile. It's a rare sight, only for Erwin's eyes. "Like a kiss."
Their kisses are always awkward. Erwin bends at the waist to peck shyly at his cheek, but Levi always maneuvers to steal a taste of his lips. He knows, it's the height. That's why Erwin doesn't kiss him often. But Levi still wants to, has to, at any cost. He wants to kiss for as long as possible, feel Erwin's warmth and keep it in his mouth forever. Their teeth clash. He's hanging on to Erwin's neck, he can feel the balance wavering.
They pull apart. He watches the commander's flushed face. His blue eyes shimmering under the lashes.
Levi makes sure the coat gifted to him is neatly folded before joining Erwin on the bed. Levi is the only one undressed. Erwin doesn't mind getting his clothes creased.
They embrace, lying down under the sheets. Their hands are encircled around the other tightly. Levi can feel Erwin's socks with his bare toes.
They do this every night. They try to spend as much time together as possible.
"Levi," Erwin says suddenly, his skin pale under the moonlight streaming in from the window. It's a bright night. "Would you marry me?"
"Yes," Levi replies easily, although he doesn't know where the topic came from. He had been thinking about how to repay Erwin for the coat. He already owes him too much.
"You shouldn't. I'm no good."
Levi looks at him properly then. Erwin doesn't look like he's joking. "Are you joking?"
Erwin nods his head no, but his face is pressed against the pillow, so the movement is restricted.
As much as he trusts him blindly, sometimes he wishes he could understand him better. For him, Erwin has always been above his mental capacity. Whether it be his talks of sacrifice and humanity, or his ways of expressing love.
Levi cups his face with the palm of his hand. "You are a good man. A great man." He searches for what Erwin might want to hear. "If you want me to marry you, I will."
"But you need a woman. You can't marry me."
"You're better than any woman. I'll fucking marry you right now."
"No," Erwin's eyes are downcast and Levi is afraid he has failed some test. He draws the man closer to him and combs his hand through his soft blonde hair.
They have this strange relationship. They have these strange, sad conversations at night. Levi is allowed to brush his hair and Erwin is allowed to buy things for him. They will be together until they die, which will be sooner or later. But their balance wavers sometimes.
"Tell me," Levi pleads, "tell me what's wrong."
"I'm wrong. I'm all wrong," he mumbles into Levi's chest. He says things Levi can't hear properly. "I can't do anything right. I'm bad at making decisions." Even in the quiet, Erwin's voice is small. "I wish I was a woman. I wish I was small and thin. So you could- I could-"
"Erwin, what are you saying?"
"Nothing. I'm sorry."
"Erwin?"
"Go to sleep. Good night."