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“So you’re not really drunk.”
“’Course not,” Dee Dee says, righting herself with an air of disaffectedness—as if none of that had happened at all. “We live close though, so I figured I’d just follow you out.”
Just a few minutes ago inside the party, she’d been a terrible, blubbering mess. It was right after Nate yanked Artur away from the girl he was kissing, all eyes on him, and his breath was coming fast like he was about to do something he’d regret. All of a sudden: the music cut out, Dee Dee wailed, and the equilibrium of the room turned to her.
And, in extension, Jenny. Because she was holding onto Jenny’s sleeve—anchoring herself, more like, knees wobbling like she was about to pass out right there. But her voice was loud and clear as she accused Jenny of being a… how had she put it, a spoiled princess ashamed of being seen with losers like her, who trampled on people to get her way and a big fake!
That would’ve been enough to earn a slap if it were anyone else, but it was Dee Dee, and she was drunk, so Jenny just excused the two of them—Dee Dee still getting tears all over her sleeve—and started back to her house.
Except that Dee Dee had abruptly stopped crying once the two of them had made it out of the driveway, going remarkably clear-eyed. Sober. She was not inebriated at all, apparently, just… being Dee Dee, following her Dee Dee whims, as Dee Dee was wont to do.
Jenny is starting to rethink that slap. “So why the hell did you do that, exactly?”
Dee Dee rolls her still-red eyes. Forcing that many tears on command has to be some sort of talent. “Didn’t you see how Nate was about to open his big mouth in front of everyone? He already fucked up by walking up to Artur, at least now they’ll get to talk without every single person who showed up to the New Years party being a witness.”
“Oh.” It’s the kind of stunt only Dee Dee would think of. Jenny had been seized by hopelessness in the moment; in her mind, the deed was already done, Nate had already committed social suicide and Artur already knew about his feelings and they were all about to see the bloody aftermath. It’s an advantage Dee Dee has over Jenny; she’s better on her feet, more willing to throw herself headfirst into things. “I guess you’re the one who pulled the plug on the music, too. Good job.”
“Good—Good job?” Dee Dee repeats. She coughs. “I mean, yeah. Of course. Dee Dee Holloway always delivers.”
Jenny rolls her eyes, but she can’t help the way her mouth hooks up. She hopes it’s too dark out for Dee Dee to notice.
“I will say—was that wail really necessary?”
“What, you mean this,” Dee Dee says, and does it again, loudly.
Jenny swats her arm. “Stop. Someone’s going to think you’re being held hostage.”
“Aren’t I, though,” Dee Dee sighs, staring pointedly where Jenny still has her arm hooked with hers—a cautionary measure from when Dee Dee was still stumbling up the stairs out of the house.
Jenny immediately tears herself away. The memory of Dee Dee’s touch burns against Jenny’s skin. “You’re free to leave whenever you want.”
Dee Dee stays where she is. Says, “Whatever. I had to sell it, and what can I say—I’m really good at wailing.”
“Sure. Bet you liked having an excuse to insult me, too.”
Beat. Dee Dee tilts her head up to the sky: just a couple of faint stars through the light pollution, tonight. “You know it was just for show though.”
That surprises Jenny. At the beginning of the year Dee Dee would’ve whole-heartedly meant her words, but after the time they’ve spent working on the play together, trying to help Nate and Artur out, showing up to Teddy’s gigs, to Francis’ quiz bowls—wow, Jenny realizes, they have spent a lot of time together—Dee Dee’s feelings towards her seem to have… changed. She used to look at Jenny all intense-like, as if she were trying to set her on fire, and she still stares at her with that heat, but it’s different somehow.
“Well, you sure put on a convincing performance,” Jenny replies carefully.
Dee Dee strikes a pose, hand under her chin. “I’m not leading lady of the school play fourth year in a row for no reason!”
Jenny huffs out a laugh. It comes out pale and wispy in the air. “I’m pretty sure every aspiring young actress in the theater program hates you a little for that, by the way.”
“They can get over it, I’ll be gone soon enough.” She sighs loudly. “God, June could not come sooner...”
“Now that I can agree with.” The both of them applied early to NYU and Skyped with Nate and Francis and Teddy during acceptances. Dee Dee burst out crying then, real, nearly-silent tears. Jenny almost thought she didn’t make it until Nate started congratulating her, more well-versed in her Dee Dee-isms than anyone else.
(Honestly, Jenny should’ve known her display earlier was fake. Dee Dee always exaggerated herself in front of a crowd, like if her presence was big enough, she could hide behind it.)
“Clock’s really ticking for Nate,” Dee Dee says, after a thoughtful pause. “After tonight, the two of them…”
Jenny thinks about the coiled hurt in Nate’s body the whole evening, how he was walking around like he needed something to pounce on. Jenny tried to herd him away when he walked into the kitchen, where Artur was kissing the girl against the marble countertop, but it was too late. Artur was always the first person he saw in a room.
“I hope they’ll be okay. Artur really likes him,” Jenny says. She remembers the ashen guilt on his face, so clear even from where she was standing.
“Yeah, but you know. Sometimes that’s not enough,” Dee Dee mutters, looking faintly sad. Jenny would ask what that’s all about if she didn’t start talking again a few moments later. “But, um. I’m surprised this isn’t more weird for you?”
“Why would it be weird?”
“‘Cause... Nate used to like you and you used to date Artur?”
“Nate didn’t like me,” Jenny says, to which Dee Dee nods, like, true. “Besides, Artur and I dated as... um. Have you ever heard of the term ‘lavender marriage?’”
Dee Dee bursts out laughing. “Seriously?”
“He was the new kid and he was having a hard enough time already, and I didn’t want my friends to find out in case they stopped inviting me to sleepovers! So yeah, it was never really… real.” It’s Jenny’s turn to laugh, helplessly. “Why am I telling you this?”
“‘Cause you trust me,” Dee Dee sings. Jenny can’t find it in her to disagree—and anyway, they’re just about at Jenny’s house.
Dee Dee realizes it too. She stops right under a streetlight, face lit up yellow. “Well. See you later, I guess. I should go home and text Nate.”
Jenny looks at Dee Dee for another long moment. Something’s not quite right about this, unfinished.
Dee Dee starts to squirm. “What?”
She’s wearing a crop top and jeans. Jenny takes her puffer jacket off of her shoulders and walks closer to Dee Dee, laying it over her frame. “You’re going to get cold, walking home like that.”
Dee Dee is looking at Jenny with that intense look in her eyes again. Goosebumps erupt across her skin; she tells herself it’s just the breeze.
Something unsaid between them. Jenny opens her mouth when—
A firework goes off, then another. In the distance, a rising cheer. Jenny checks her phone — when she looks up, Dee Dee has hers in her hand too.
“It’s midnight,” Dee Dee says breathlessly. “Oh, I can’t believe I missed it—“
Jenny takes a few decisive steps forward, pulls Dee Dee in with two hands on either side of her face, and kisses her. After a moment of obvious surprise, Dee Dee returns the gesture enthusiastically. Fireworks in the distance—Jenny’s heart feels full to burst.
She pulls away, hopes Dee Dee couldn’t feel her hands shake. “New Years kiss,” she says breathlessly.
“Oh,” Dee Dee says.
Not feeling entirely in control of her own body, Jenny moves closer and kisses her one last time, quick but sure. “And another for the road.”
“Oh,” Dee Dee repeats, but she’s smiling a little now. Jenny starts walking briskly up her driveway before she can do something stupid like ask Dee Dee to stay.
The next morning the whole night feels like a dream. Jenny goes straight to her messages app, remembering to check in on Nate, but there’s already a couple texts from Dee Dee waiting for her.
can’t decide whether last night was a nightmare or the best time of my life lol
thx anyway
[pic]
come over sometime for your jacket
Jenny clicks off her phone, holds it close to her chest. January first. There might be hope for new things yet.