Chapter Text
Five Weeks till Christmas:
Everybody demands love; it is the one thing we all desire. It doesn’t matter what kind or who from; between friends, lovers, mother and child, every person on this planet craves love, in some form or other. It’s the topic of films, art, and literature. Love is the song humanity sings.
Most love quotes describe how messy and self-centred we are when we're in love. Love is the thing we want the most, even if it hurts people the most. I don’t see it like that, I like to think of the goodness we show in love. Buying a cocktail with cherries in because you know your best friend loves to eat them, suffering through Die Hard at Christmas because your partner insists it's his favourite Christmas film (it's Arthur Christmas), standing outside your house, waving as your grandchildren drive off. Love is good, when we make it.
I like to think of it as this, the first word of each child, throughout the world is, in some form or another, mama or papa. A child is born loving, they think they are part of their mother from birth, and the rest of a person's life is spent trying to chase that feeling. Trying to be a part of somebody once more.
I thought my ex-boyfriend was the romantic one, he would serenade me daily, pick me flowers and write me notes. I never liked all that stuff, I was always so hung up on the world around me, and how they saw me, I got embarrassed. I was so jealous of the way he could tune it all out. He could embarrass himself for love a thousand times over and still put himself out there. I just thought I was the realist in the relationship, keeping our feet on the ground.
And then I fell in love with someone who I shouldn’t have and I realised something.
I would embarrass myself for them every day of my life, I would sing in the street to her if I thought it would make them smile. And I think that’s what love - in the end, means, finding somebody you would embarrass yourself for.
Humans are disgustingly embarrassing when they love someone, we kiss in public, we call our children their mortifying nicknames in front of their friends, and we take chances even when logically, we know we really shouldn’t.
Love is an all-consuming force, you’re blinded by it, and we stay stubbornly in the eye of the tornado. We take the risk of humiliation in the blind hope it is returned.
Despite all odds, humans hope.
—
It’s a cold day for a wedding. Sirius is leaning against the wall, jaw clenched from the cold. Still, he looks every bit the cool, aloof CEO he is; the silk cut cig hanging from his mouth, his suit and hair just the right amount of handsomely dishevelled and the calm way he holds himself, carefully uninterested. It all looks natural like this is how he was born. He likes to say his parents knew exactly who he would grow up to be and that’s why they named him after the brightest star in the night sky. His mother says it’s because he’s a mutt.
James knows Sirius better than anyone, he knows this is a carefully curated act, and he has seen that hair routine. James categorises his childhood into two parts, before and after Sirius. James has known Sirius since before he has known himself. He is his brother, his closest friend, the other half of his soul, and right now he is the last person James wants to talk to.
Sirius spots him before James can go through the back entrance. He straightens up instantly, throwing his cig onto the tarmac and crushing it under his boot.
"Thank God you’re back. Lily’s having a right mare trying to find you; she keeps coming over to see if you've come back and I'm just hiding you from her.” Sirius says with a grin, clearly finding Lily’s theatrics amusing.
James keeps his head down, his eyes are bloodshot and shining, and he doesn’t want him to notice. “ I have about fifteen missed calls from her and I was only gone for ten minutes.”
Sirius is sufficiently distracted from James’ eyes, laughing as he hooks his arm around James' shoulder, an awkward feat considering their height difference. “How’s Abi, feeling any better?”
James lets out a watery laugh that’s devoid of any humour. “She’s feeling a lot better.”
Sirius is looking at him strangely now like he knows he’s missing the joke. “That’s… good.” He slowly says, unsure as to what’s going on. Looking at James as if he is going to admit to murdering her or something.
“Yeah, yeah it’s really good, I think that Gideon’s dick must be made of penicillin.”
They stop walking. Sirius looks bewildered.
“Shame he’s not told anyone about his magical healing properties like. He could cure cancer with that dick and instead, he’s using it to shag my girlfriend.” James says acidly, his sadness has been replaced by anger. More than anything he’s mortified, the sheer humiliation of it all is more than he can bear.
“Selfish of him” Sirius replies, struggling to think of an appropriate response.
James laughs and quickly looks away, breathing out slowly. A wedding reception is not the best place to be having found out five minutes ago that your girlfriend is cheating on you with your friend.
“I’m sorry mate. That’s so shit.”
James moves to respond but before he can speak, Lily walks in front of them, arms crossed and a furious look etched on her face. “Where were you, James?”
The two men go to answer but she shuts them up with a look “It doesn’t matter, just sit down and behave.” She hisses, gesturing at a table hidden away in the back of the room.
They make their way across the room, smiling tightly at their friends scattered around.
“I don’t believe this,” Sirius says, voice full of scathing wonder. “She’s only gone and sat us at the kid's table!”
James snorts at the offended chorus that erupts around them at this comment, Lily has sat them at the kid's table. Harry sticks his tongue out in retaliation before beaming up at the two of them. Two ghostly, white-haired children flank Harry on either side as he sits. The two kids' outfits are the foils of each other even with their practically identical appearances. The boy is dressed in a mini tux, looking like a five-year-old casino dealer and the girl has donned a dress that James can only assume she’s made herself or by a blind dressmaker. She has a twig in her hair and is that? Yeah, that’s a necklace with quality street wrappers tied around it.
“Alright, kids?” Sirius asks, dramatically collapsing into a chair. He pokes the boy next to him. “Looking very smart today, Dray.”
The boy looks at Sirius unimpressed, “It’s a wedding Uncle Sirius, you have to look smart. And it’s Draco, not Dray.” He says with the air of a fifty-year-old man.
Sirius affects a shocked expression “Is it a wedding? I had no idea, Dray.”
The boy - Draco, Sirius’ nephew, James’ mind supplies - says nothing choosing to take the more mature option of blowing a raspberry and going back to playing with the bubbles on the table. Sirius laughs and joins him, trying to get their bubbles to stick together.
“Hey, Haz,” James says, settling in across from him.
“Hi, Daddy. Is Abi feeling better now?” Sometimes James wishes Harry isn't as incredibly sweet and kind as he is. This is one of those times.
Next to James, Sirius snorts without mirth. “Abi is dead to us, Harry okay?”
Harry nods earnestly and turns back to Draco, popping the bubbles with a smile whilst James pokes Sirius in his ribs.
They’re in the middle of a scuffle when Lily’s voice rings around the room. Harry, forever a mummy’s boy, immediately shushes them.
“Hello everyone, I’m just so glad you could all make it today. This has been one of the best days of my life and I’m so glad to share it with you all.” Lily says into a microphone, her cheeks flushed a pretty rosy colour, the lax grip on her prosecco flute the biggest hint that she’s absolutely bladdered. She’s pretty good at holding her liquor usually, but Pete had mentioned that the bridal party were all starting to drink at 9 am.
“Christ you’d think it’s her wedding the way she’s talking,” Sirius mutters next to him, the two of them break out into giggles only to fall silent when Harry gives them too stern a look for a five-year-old to have perfected.
“So… without further ado, let’s raise our glasses for Peter and Mary - Mr & Mrs Pettigrew!” Lily yells, wincing at the feedback from the microphone.
Everyone cheers as Pete and Mary walk through the flowery archway, Sirius and James the loudest of them all.
Mary looks like a vision in brilliant, glistening white, her dress artfully falling to the floor in layers of chiffon. Her dark curly hair has been twisted into thick locs that fall over her shoulders with flowers and gemstones threaded carefully through. Her face is permanently fixed with a beaming smile that matches Peter’s perfectly.
Before the cheering fully dies down Lily taps the side of her glass, everyone turns to look at her. “Now, I know I promised no surprises.”
Mary groans although her smile hasn’t wavered and Lily waves a hand at her, shutting her up.
“Trust me, you’re going to love this. John, get the projector.” She says, ushering the newlyweds into their seats as Peter’s brother, and best man, flicks on a projector. The room falls silent as a screen is rolled down and Harry’s face appears on it.
“I love Auntie Mary and Uncle Wormy,” Harry says on the screen, dressed in the dinosaur costume he refused to take off last month. “I want them to stay married and have a baby that I can play with.”
Everyone in the room seems to melt at this. Harry beams.
The video changes to Sirius, a small banner of text showing his name at the bottom of the screen.
Sirius Black is a reluctant friend to the groom and bride.
“Wormy! Who would’ve thought you’d be the first one of us to get married? Not me.” The video version of Sirius is saying now. Peter glares at him across the room and Sirius shamelessly blows him a kiss.
“I’m joking, I’m joking! But in all Siriusness (The whole room erupts into groans at that whilst Sirius and the children cackle.) I’m so happy you’ve found your person, you’re a good person and an even better mate and I wish you a lifetime of happiness and mind-blowing sex.”
Lily and Marlene have interviewed every person who Mary and Peter love, short little clips of the people they hold dear wishing them well. Mary erupts into tears as soon as she realises what’s going on and Peter doesn’t look too far behind her.
When Mary’s dad has finished his video, the film cuts to a tall, familiar-looking man with bright green eyes and a broad smile. He has a giant scar stretching across his face, body jewellery and freckles scattered across the rest of it. The banner at the bottom of the screen announces him as Remus Lupin, a token pessimist. “Congrats to the newlyweds, 41% of marriages end in divorce but I’m confident you guys will make it work!” He says in a strong Welsh accent.
“Thanks, Remus,” Mary says snarkily.
“Really touching mate,” Peter says, rolling his eyes with a small smile.
Next to James, Sirius sucks in a breath. “I am going to find that man and I am going to crawl inside him.”
James fake gags “That’s some foul imagery Pads.”
Sirius doesn’t say anything, choosing instead to turn around and scan the room with his eyes.
“That’s my uncle Moony,” Harry says to Draco, missing the way Sirius’ eyes boggle.
“You know him?” He says, reaching across his nephew to grab Harry by his shoulders.
Harry nods, “he lives with us.”
Recognition dawns on Sirius’ face “he’s Lily’s flatmate! Of course, he is! This is great, she can introduce him to me.”
“She’s definitely not going to do that Pads, she loves Remus, and she's not going to let you break his heart,” James says, wrenching a huffing Sirius back into his seat.
—-
‘Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Place your head on my beating heart
Lily grimaces as a giggling Mary dips Peter whilst Ed Sheeran sings in the background. The wedding has been perfect so far, so it stands to reason that the DJ would be shit.
She brings out the camera that she’s been carrying around all day, filming the two of them gliding around the dance floor. She knows that she’s been acting crazy all day, the bridezilla for someone else’s wedding. It’s not like she can help it, Mary is her best friend, she’s kind and lovely and she deserves the very best.
There’s a shuffling next to her and Lily looks up. A beautiful woman has just sat next to her, she looks extremely familiar but her frazzled white hair and her odd, boho appearance would have surely stuck in Lily’s mind if they had met before. She’s looking at Lily curiously before looking out onto the dance floor where Mary and Peter are wrapped up in each other’s arms, swaying softly.
“Do you love him?” The woman asks Lily in a hesitant voice.
Lily looks at her appalled. “What? No!”
“Sorry, sorry. Just thought I’d ask in case you did and no one had asked you about it and you were desperate to talk to someone about him.” She says, holding her hands up in a placating manner.
“No, definitely not. Just no- no way.” Lily replies hurriedly.
“That’s a no then.” Comes the amused reply.
There’s an awkward silence that settles around them, Lily has never been good with those so she searches for something to break it.
“This DJ, he’s…”
“The worst?”
“Oh, definitely the worst in London.”
The woman looks over to Lily, a small smile pulling at her lips. “I guess the next song determines whether he’s the worst DJ in England.”
Lily nods seriously, her eyes crinkling with contained laughter. “His whole career rests on this next song.”
They both turn eagerly to the DJ booth as the song wraps up.
“This next one is a modern classic, all you lovers get up on this dance floor.”
Lily groans as the sound of Barty Crouch crooning fills the room.
‘I love you, baby, that’s all I can do.’
“Christ - he’s done it. Worst. Dj. Ever.” She says, turning to the woman next to her who is looking back with a guilty expression. “No! Don’t tell me you like this song!”
“It’s my husband's favourite song! It was our first dance! It’s nostalgic okay.” She defends, laughing as Lily shakes her head in disapproval.
“It’s so cheesy.”
“Love is cheesy.” The blonde counters lightly.
Lily has no response to that. It’s something that James had always said to her. She had never got it - not before - she was always so practical, so realistic. She had gone through the motions with James, thinking that’s what love was, she had loved spending time with him and she had loved their little family but she was never wildly passionate with love. It hadn’t clicked until one day James had sat her down and delicately asked if she was certain she was in love with him, or if she just saw him as a friend.
It was awkward for a while, James had been in love with her after all, but they soon found a way to live as friends and he moved on. The last Lily heard was thinking about asking his girlfriend to move in with him last month - Lily reminded herself to ask him if he was planning on doing that any time soon.
She excuses herself to the prosecco fountain, the only way Lily can get through this night is if she is so sloshed Harry has to tuck her into bed tonight.
Sighing, she picks up a flute and shoves it under the stream, filling it up to the brim, before gulping it down. Before she can refill it she’s interrupted by Xenophilius.
“You look depressed.” He’s dressed in a red velvet blazer and a green patchwork skirt.
“And you look like Santa's wet dream.” She retorts.
Xenophilius is one of the artists in residence at Lily’s gallery. She’s the painter, he’s the photographer. They’re not friends, not really, but they get on well enough and he’s a good artist so Lily doesn’t have any complaints, except about his atrocious fashion sense.
“What are you even doing here? You don’t know either Mary or Peter?” She asks, watching with a frown as he sings along to the lyrics.
He doesn’t stop singing, even as he answers. “ And if you grant my wish- my wife works with Mary- so happy, won’t resist.”
“If you grant my wish, I'll be so happy, won’t resist?’ That’s what constitutes a song these days?” Lily snarks.
“Don’t be so bitter Lily. Which reminds me.” Xeno says, stopping singing abruptly.
Lily raises an eyebrow curiously.
He grins wildly “I found your notes love, and now I know.” He sings the last bit, wiggling his eyebrows.
Lily instinctively punches him in the arm. “You know nothing.”
He just raises an eyebrow with a smirk and Lily feels herself start to sweat under his knowing gaze.
“Errr…. what is it that you know?”
“Well - I was trying to find my notes but, well you know what my desk looks like.”
Lily does know what his desk looks like, she knows what his studio looks like, Harry’s room is tidier. Lily doesn’t know how he can work on anything with the mess and the lack of organisation.
“I’m familiar with it.” She says.
“Anyway I must’ve got your notebook mixed up with mine and well I read it, and I noticed something about all those models you’re painting. They all have one very important thing in common. And well - imagine my surprise when I noticed a certain someone tonight has the same common trait.”
Lily groans, burying her face in her hands, wishing the floor would open up and swallow her whole.
“Don’t worry Lily, we’ve all been there,” Xenophilius says amicably, patting her on the top of her head.
Lily peaks through her hands with narrowed eyes “Really? You’ve been in love with someone for three years and dedicated a whole art show to them even though you know they could never love you back?”
He grimaces, “Well I am married so definitely the first two things, and I used to fancy this girl who never liked me back so I can understand what you’re feeling.”
“You’ve been married since you were eighteen, when was this?” Lily asks, still hiding behind her hands.
“Well she was an older lady so it would’ve never worked out, and I’m thankful for it really, I would’ve never met my wife if sh—“
“When was it?” Lily interrupts.
“Err when was it? Hmm, gosh well it must’ve been- well I think I was if she was-.”
Lily practically growls at him, her impatience eating away at her.
“It was year eight and I was really into Mrs Poppy, my school nurse.” He admits sheepishly.
Lily throws her hands up in exasperation, before moving to walk away. Xenophilius hastily grabs her arm.
“Just listen for a minute okay?”
Lily stops, crossing her arms and tapping her foot impatiently. “You have exactly one minute.”
Xenophilius sighs. “I know it sucks okay, but you need just to tell the truth. The worst thing that happens is you stop being mates, and then you’ll move on. Best case scenario your feelings are returned and you make sweet, sweet love.”
Lily rolls her eyes. “Why are you so desperate for me to fess up? What’s in it for you?”
He grins shamelessly “Well I’m not going to cheat on my wife but I can live vicariously through you.”
Lily punches him in the arm again.