Chapter Text
Jungkook gives up. He can't work on that song for one more minute. He sighs out loud, frustrated, pushing his rolling chair away from his computer and violently scrubbing his hands on his face and eyes, as if to scrap away the frustrating feeling of being stuck.
He stretches as hard as he can to wake up his stiff body until his limbs shake. Ah well, it's not like it's something urgent anyway. BTS's biggest tour was such a success that it was decided to extend it until October. So, only a week after their last concert, during which Jungkook visited his family and friends in Busan, they are already back into the practice room to prepare for the tour extension, starting in less than three weeks in California. He really should focus his energies on more urgent matters, like giving his best at practice, working out and maybe studying English.
He checks the time: only 10 pm? He feels exhausted. BTS had interviews all morning until early afternoon and then they had gone separate ways, Jin hyung visiting his family in the city, RM, V and Jimin with a producer. Only Hobi and Yoongi came back to the dorm with him, eager to stay alone and quietly work on his music after a day of talking senselessly to a mic.
He gets up his chair and groans at the sight of his messy bed. Clothes he threw around this morning trying to quickly decide what to wear after he got up too late; the extra speaker boxes he placed there to add to the sound of the song he was working on; a small laptop with a multitude of wires attached; two books he borrowed from Namjoon’s room to find some inspiration for the lyrics he was struggling to find.
He lets out a pained sigh as he walks to the bathroom to brush his teeth. He feels too bummed out and lazy to clean that mess now. He'll have to sleep on that. Or push everything onto the floor. Or sleep on the computer chair. His mind wanders to other comfortable places he knows and stops on the vision of Seokjin’s bed. It will surely be tidy, just like his oldest hyung.
Jungkook is now almost 22 so it has been a while since the last time he went looking for comfort on his Jin hyung's bed, with or without the consent of his owner. He's a grown up now and also, all of them are spending less and less time sleeping in the new dorm anyway, preferring their own new places.
Oh well, Jin hyung will probably stay with his family tonight. He will come directly for practice tomorrow morning. Yoongi won’t mind having Jungkook in their room for tonight.
He finishes brushing his teeth and applies the usual cream on, as the makeup artist told him to. He then runs his fingers through his black hair, falling down and nicely framing his face. This will probably remain the hairstyle for the tour, at least for now. He likes its simplicity.
Since he is already wearing comfy clothes, shorts and an old faded t-shirt with a wide neckline, he walks directly to Seokjin’s room. The dorm is quiet, except for a few muffled sounds from Hobi's room. The others still haven't come back, probably stopping to drink with the producer or joining their own friends or families somewhere.
When he gets to the room he knocks on the door. Nobody answers. Maybe Yoongi is already asleep? He quietly enters and finds it dark and empty. Weird, he did not know Yoongi had gone out. He turns on the lights and Jin hyung’s big bed appears there, tidy as expected. The soft light blue covers look like clouds and are so inviting.
Jungkook walks across the room and jumps on it, landing face down, with both arms and legs spread open. The bed is almost double so he can spread almost all the way. He stays like that a little while, with his face buried in Seokjin’s covers.
They smell like him. Jungkook has always liked Jin’s scent. He finds it comforting and… pleasant. Maybe it’s just the familiarity of it. He raises his head, looking at Yoongi’s bed across the room. What does Yoongi smell like, again? He's always loved Yoongi hyung but he also knew better than presenting himself in his bed in the middle of the night, or day, uninvited, like he did with Seokjin’s.
Does Yoongi’s smell make him feel the same things? He doesn’t know right now. He then giggles to himself thinking of going to sniff Yoongi's bed to check his feelings and being caught in the act by him. He can picture his funny expression, the one of someone that is done with everything. All this trail of nonsense makes him realize that he needs to sleep.
He stands to reach the light switch next to Seokjin's desk and quickly goes under the blankets in the darkness, sinking in its pillows. The silk sheets delicately caress his nude arms and legs. Damn, Seokjin was right, the sheet’s material really improves things. Jungkook still buys the same shitty sheets he used to get in their debut years, when they had no money. The temperature is perfect, not cold but not too hot to sweat under the blankets. Paradise.
–
A blinding light tears Jungkook out of his unconsciousness. He quickly buries his head under the blanket, scoffing. He is not sure how long it has been since he dozed off in a restless sleep, but it can’t be long. He hears heavy steps that abruptly stop in front of the bed.
“What the hell? Who’s in my bed?”
Ah. He did not end up sleeping at his family’s place after all.
“Hyung, turn off the lights, they’re blinding me”, Jungkook slurs from below the covers.
“Jungkook, of course. What are you doing on my bed?” Jin hyung yells, exasperated.
“I’m sleeping” it's Jungkook's simple, annoyed answer.
“Yes I can see that! Don’t you have your own bed for this??”
Seokjin annoyingly pulls the covers from the end of the bed, exposing Jungkook's upper body. The shift in temperature makes him shiver. He immediately pulls them back on him, whining. “Don’t do that, hyung”.
“So?? Your bed??”
“Too messy.”
“That’s not my problem!”
“C’mon hyung, I can’t move now, I'm too tired and your bed is so comfortable." He perfectly knows how long he can push his hyungs to get what he wants. It is one of his benefits as the younger of the group. Luckily for him, Seokjin is the one, along with Yoongi, who usually grants more concessions.
"Of course it is, it’s the silk sheets. You teased me to death when I bought them."
"I'm sorry hyung. You were right. I know nothing." Flattery always works on Seokjin.
Seokjin loudly scoffs then goes silent. Jungkook keeps his eyes shut under the blanket for a minute, expecting more, maybe some of Seokjin's iconic rap scolding… that never comes. He cautiously moves the covers below his eyes to spy him with one eye through his messy hair. Seokjin is unbuttoning his shirt while reading something on his phone, placed on his desk, not paying attention to him at all. Maybe he has already won.
“How was your family?” Jungkook dares to ask, closing his eye and rolling on the side.
“Good.”
“Good.” Jungkook repeats back with a satisfied smile, snuggling even more in the warmth of the bed. The battle is over. Most probably, Seokjin is too tired to fight. Lucky night. However, for the time being, he will still try to be still and invisible, just to be sure.
He suddenly feels a blast of air on his face that sweeps his hair out of his eyes, like someone has flapped a piece of clothing. He opens his eyes again and he sees that Seokjin is now shirtless with just his elegant pants on from the interview this morning, tapping on his phone. The blue light underlines his collarbone, Adam's apple and the pretty lines around his lips. His shirt and belt lay on the desk’s chair.
Armys would probably pass out if they saw him like this. He is slim, gracious, with a tiny waist, but has broad shoulders. What a hot combination, Jungkook thinks for the millionth time in his life. Coupled with Jin's godly face and perfect skin, it seems almost a slap in the face to the rest of the human race that has to deal with, you know, human traits.
Jungkook often finds himself openly staring at this beautiful injustice. Now particularly, he can't help but notice how Seokjin's pants, now without a belt, slipped slightly down, revealing his hip bones and his happy trail below his belly button.
It's better not to gaze at the moment, though, when he has to play the "too tired to move" part. He just concedes himself a last look at the line of his hyung's shoulders before closing his eyes again even if he feels completely awake now. Also, when did it get so warm under the covers?
Jungkook tries to slip back to sleep while listening to Seokjin preparing to go to bed, undressing, putting his pj on, closing the blinds, walking out to go to the bathroom. He is not making any effort to be quiet, of course.
“Could you turn off the lights while you go to the bathroom, please?” Jungkook asks, knowing the answer already.
“No.”
After a while, finally, the lights turn off and Jungkook feels a sudden weight on the bed, starting at its feet and continuing up, as Seokjin puffs and crawls towards the pillows.
“Scoot! You are in the middle of the bed!” Seokjin unceremoniously slaps Jungkook’s arm, making him move to the side just a bit.
Seokjin goes under the blankets, the space between Jungkook and the shelves still too tight. Jungkook feels Seokjin’s body against his back struggling to wiggle and twist until, after a click, an abajour above their head bathes them with a soft yellow reading light.
“Scoot, I said.” Seokjin starts again, pushing Jungkook’s back as he resists. Hearing his oldest hyung irritated had in fact triggered Jungkook’s natural reflex of teasing him.
Seokjin scoffs and stays still for 10 seconds, probably questioning all his life choices, while Jungkook is smiling, pretending to sleep with both his hands under his head. That is, until he feels Seokjin's hands on his waist, slipping under his t-shirt, tickling his bare skin, where he knows he’s more sensitive. Jungkook gasps laughing, trying to protect himself by pressing his elbows on the sides.
He rolls away from Seokjin and lands on his belly near the edge of the bed. He feels somewhat euphoric now, though he doesn't know if it's from the tickle or because he feels catapulted to their first years as a group, when they would all tackle and tease each other to fight over the limited space on the small beds they were forced to share.
He turns his head left and watches Seokjin snuggling but staying half seated, his back against a two pillows, eyes on his phone. Jungkook lazily gazes at him, his nose, his long philtrum, his cute fluffy brown hair…
All of the sudden, Seokjin gasps, then smiles, dramatically putting his hand in front of his open mouth, eyes still glued to his phone.
“What happened? Who are you writing to?"
Seokjin doesn't reply, too focused on reading something on the display.
"Hyuuung" Jungkook places his hand on Seokjin's thigh under the covers and squeezes as hard as he can.
"Ahia! Keep away that steel paw." Seokjin shoves away his hand that promptly goes back on the same spot on Seokjin’s thigh.
"Then tell me what's going on."
“I was writing to Yoongi. He said he’s not sleeping here tonight!” Seokjin is dripping with excitement.
Jungkook gets up on his right elbow and pulls himself towards Seokjin, resting his chin on his forearm, trying to read the message that Yoongi sent to Seokjin. Seokjin tilts the phone a bit to make him see it better:
Not sleeping at the dorm tonight. See u guys tomorrow.
Very short and concise. A very Yoongi text.
"So? Maybe he decided to sleep at his new place."
"No no no no. This morning he said the mattress will arrive tomorrow! And the couch is not there yet.”
"Maybe he's sleeping on the floor."
"Do you even listen to yourself when you speak?"
"Maybe he has a really soft carpet. Like you had here once."
"You're the only one that enjoys carpets that mu-"
"Although" Jungkook interrupts Seokjin, his brows furrowed, something feeling off. "I think I saw his beauty case on his desk earlier. He should have brought it with him if he knew he was going to sleep somewhere else."
They both turn their heads at the same time at Yoongi's desk, trying to see what's on it through the darkness of the room.
"Did he say something to you when he left?"
"No, I didn't even know he went out."
"Aha! Suspicious!" Seokjin raises his index finger like an investigator in a cheesy book, all worked up, looking at Jungkook with his beautiful eyes shining like a crazy person.
Jungkook can't help but smile back at his hyung, scrunching his nose, falling as always for Seokjin's narrative, despite the obvious lack of proof and proper research. Jin hyung is right, it IS suspicious.
"Do you think he's with someone?"
“Most probably! I’ll ask him.” Seokjin rushes to his phone.
Jungkook rests back his chin on Seokjin's forearm, watching as he types his reply:
WHO ARE YOU WITH?? followed by what it seems to be every emoticon available on the phone, including the dirty ones. Jungkook giggles. A very Seokjin reply.
“Who do you think he’s with?"
Seokjin, who seems to have completely forgotten about his irritation towards the younger member, starts spouting out conjectures one after the other and Jungkook follows him right away with his own. Yoongi is an extremely popular bachelor in the entertainment industry so they have many options to choose from. They all are, to be honest, but Yoongi has something to him that makes people want to go down on one knee and ask him to marry them after 15 minutes with him.
They are now both talking and giggling like teenage girls at a pajama party, instinctively lowering their voices as if they might be scolded by their parents if they find out they are still up.
Seokjin and Jungkook often do that, even on stage and at ceremonies, whispering and gossiping, making up stupid scenarios just to laugh at them.
Jungkook also has long forgotten about his earlier frustration and he’s enjoying all this silliness. Maybe he should write songs about these simple moments instead of chasing the moon and the stars.
"Could that be that … model, what was her name…" Jungkook continues.
"Which one?"
"The one he talked to for an hour at Bang Chan's party."
"Oh right she was gorgeous. She was watching Yoongi like she wanted to eat him."
"Right and-"
"Speaking about eating, the catering at that party was insane, what were those things with the truffle and gorgonzola?"
"A kind of pasta, don't remember."
"Man, I forgot to ask Bang Chan the name of the caterer. Ask him in your '97 kindergarten chat group-"
"-what do you mean with kindergarten -"
"- also the red wine was so good."
"Wait! It could also be that actress that was an extra in 100 Days My Prince , remember? The one she talked to at Jackson's dinner."
"What? I just remember the soufflé, do you remember? Oof we should go back to that restaurant."
"Are you capable of focusing back on Yoongi and stop talking about food for a second, hyung?"
"What? It's been two hours since my meal, I'm kinda hungry…"
"Yeah me too…"
–
Yoongi still hasn’t replied after 30 minutes of the younger and older rambling and stealing snacks from the kitchen, brushed teeth be damned, so Seokjin comes up with the brilliant idea of calling him and seeing if he picks up. He doesn't.
"I hope he's ok" mumbles Jungkook, suddenly a bit worried. He lies down on his back, staring at the ceiling, putting his hands behind his head.
“I’m sure he’s fine. He's just busy.” Seokjin winks at Jungkook, who tilts his head and grins at him. Still, he can’t help being a little anxious. Yoongi had had pretty crazy sasaeng over the years. They all did.
While he is wallowing in these thoughts, Seokjin yawns. Just the sound of it makes Jungkook yawn as well.
“Kookie, could you wire it to the charger on your side, please?” Seokjin is now handing him his phone.
“No.” Jungkook teases him, half a smile, staring at the void above him, as if he's reflecting on the very meaning of life.
Jin scoffs for the third time that night. He stretches above Jungkook to do it himself and without preambols he drops his whole weight on Jungkook's chest, making him huff and laugh at the same time.
–
The room is dark and quiet and just a few minutes have passed since they wished each other goodnight.
All of the sudden, Seokjin’s phone vibrates. The oldest and the youngest react in the exact same way, yelling and whispering at the same time “Yoongi!!” while they both sprint up and throw themselves on their left.
Jungkook, being closer, blindly finds Seokjin’s phone first, just istants before Seokjin’s body crashes on his back, knocking the air out of him and almost the phone out of his hand. They both laugh at their silly reactions.
The older one places his chin on the younger’s shoulder, stretching his arm over Jungkook’s to unblock the phone with his thumb. He then puts his hand to rest in front of Jungkook's chest while Jungkook opens Yoongi’s message, full of anticipation.
Don’t call. I’ll tell u tomorrow.
They both giggle while exhaling in relief at the same time.
"Well at least he seems fine." Seokjin says.
"Yeah… Should we reply?"
"No, it's fine. I don’t want to disturb him." Seokjin’s breath tickles Jungkook's ear.
He now notices Sepkjin's warm body all over his back and it feels nice, cozy. He has no time to dwell on the sensation, though, because at that exact moment the preview of a message appears on the top of Seokjin's phone display.
Hi! Guess who? I had a lot of fun tonight. Maybe we could meet ag… Jungkook has just the time to see that it is from an unsaved number before Seokjin rapidly snatches the phone out of his hands, falling on his back behind him.
"Who was that?" Jungkook's hand is still gripping an invisible phone when he asks. He slowly rolls on his back to look at Seokjin.
"Nobody. Just a girl I met tonight." Seokjin's voice can't hide a bit of nervousness.
Jungkook feels extremely bothered all the sudden, his body temperature rising just a bit.
He sits up and turns on the reading light.
"You said you were going to your parents'. Were you on a date?" He tries to steady his voice.
"No, I was at my parent's place, they had a bunch of old friends over and she is the daughter of one of them. I didn't know her." Seokjin explains, words flowing out rapidly, his eyes covered by his hand, blinded by the sudden light. Although, to Jungkook, that looks like an excuse to not look at him.
"Why does she have your number?"
"I gave it to her. We talked a lot and kinda hit it off."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Jungkook wanted it to come out teasing, but it just came out mad.
"Tell you what?"
"That you had a date with a girl."
Seokjin huffs out a quick laugh. "Jungkook, it wasn't a date, there were other people. And it wasn't planned."
"Still, if you gave her your number it seems something important came out of it."
"I don't know."
"You don't know? Didn't the company brief us like a thousand times about being absolutely sure when we give our personal phone number away?" Jungkook barely recognizes his own voice, now cold and condescending.
Seokjin moves his hand out of the way and glares at him, his brows raising all the way up. "Didn't the company brief you a hundred thousand times about not fucking every person in the entertainment industry?"
Jungkook shrinks back down, looking at his own arms flattening the covers on his legs.
"What does this have to do with- I'm not fucking every person…" he scrambles.
He knows he's been a bit reckless in the past year in terms of sexual encounters and one night stands. He's not proud of it but at the same time he can't help it. The fleeting pleasure he feels when chasing and having sex makes him forget about everything else… pressure, work, fear of the future. It's also one of the few times he feels in control.
His shenanigans often start in kpop exclusive parties where idols can strip free of all the strict inhibitions that they are forced to keep on in public.
"Now that we are on the subject, I've been meaning to talk to you about this. You should really cut it off. Nevermind what could be leaked to the press, I just feel your view of sex got way too superficial. People are more than sexual objects."
There you go, now Seokjin is scolding him too. He kinda walked into that one, didn't he?
Not just the company, but Namjoon and Yoongi too had cornered him in the past months, preaching him, telling him to be careful. They were more worried about possible blackmails or leaked photos than Jungkook’s corrupted view of sex like Seokjin, though.
Idols usually keep their affairs inside the industry and BH is now too big of an agency for someone to try to fuck with it lightly. But still, there's always a risk.
Especially for him, who doesn't mind exploring every side of sexuality, even those that are not yet accepted in a country like South Korea.
Namjoon and Yoongi were gentle in their preaching but he still had felt extremely bad at the moment, like a child who had disappointed his parents, keeping his eyes down and mumbling an apology and that he'll try to do better. And he did try. At least, he tried to be more discreet.
When Jin hyung scolds him it's different though. Since the beginning of their friendship, despite the age difference, even when Jungkook was in the wrong, Seokjin had always let Jungkook reply back to him, with rants and cries, giving him the chance to blow off some steam and stress. Maybe because the older knew the agency was asking too much from Jungkook, who was definitely too young to navigate in that industry and remain unscarred, Seokjin had given him the license to show him his ugly, insecure, bratty side.
Growing up, the whining diminished, but Jungkook had come to consider Seokjin a safe place to say exactly what he thought, without holding back.
"It's just fun. We are having fun."
"Everything is fun for you."
"You take sex too seriously."
"And you not seriously enough."
"If it makes you feel better, I'm a sexual object for them too."
"It doesn't. At all. You deserve better."
Jungkook blushes, but he doesn’t know if it is because Seokjin is frustrating him, preaching like a grandpa, or because he's affected by the fondness in Seokjin's voice and eyes.
"Why are we suddenly talking about me? You were the one that lied.” Jungkook suddenly remembers and pouts.
“All this time talking about Yoongi having a secret lover when you were…" he flaps his arm around, to imply what? He does not know.
What he knows is that he feels betrayed, all the happiness and understanding he had felt just moments earlier with Seokjin are now tainted by this bitter discovery.
Seokjin huffs out an incredulous laugh "When did I lie??"
“When you didn’t tell me you had a date.”
“It wasn’t a date!”
"Ok as you say. But she's asking if she can see you again, right? Are you?"
"I don't know."
"She could be after you just because you belong to BTS."
He realizes the stupidity and meanness of his words as soon as he pronounces them. As if Seokjin would need fame for someone to be interested in him. He's one of the best people Jungkook knows, in every sense.
He immediately realizes he hurt Seokjin by the way Seokjin's brows slightly furrow for a split second.
"I didn't mean… You know I didn't mean it like that. But you have to be careful."
"I'm always careful."
"I'm not sure about that. What did the message say?"
"I'll read it tomorrow.", Seokjin seems to realize that he is still gripping his phone.
He places it on the shelf next to him instead of wiring it back to the charger on Jungkook’s side. That gesture of distrust, of pulling away from him, of NOT LETTING HIM KNOW the content of the message feels like a slap in the face.
"So now I can't even know what she said?" Jungkook's voice is a bit too loud and bratty, he too realizes that.
Seokjin finally snaps. "No, you can't. You're being obnoxious and a fucking hypocrite right now. I don't owe you any explanation about my private life."
He's now staring at him, his eyes usually either soft or sparkly are two cold black pits and pierce his soul. Not as much as his words, though, especially because Jungkook knows that they are true.
Still, being in the wrong doesn't outweigh the pain he feels in his chest. Oh, now he doesn't get to know about his hyung's private life? Good.
He meets Seokjin’s eyes, trying to project a cold and intimidating glare. Unfortunately, as expected, he feels his eyes get teary. Seokjin seems to notice it because he slightly softens his expression.
"I'll go then." He hopes Seokjin didn't hear the voice crack.
"Good. Go." Seokjin is cold but Jungkook detects an inch of sadness. Or maybe he is just projecting.
Jungkook pushes the covers on the side and gets out of bed. He feels Seokjin's stare burning his skin as it follows him until he opens and closes the door behind him.
Once outside he finds himself standing still, not able to take a single step. The corridor, dark and silent, seems to swallow him whole and he immediately snaps out of his unreasonable tantrum. Guilt and shame start flooding in at the same time, overwhelming him.
He leans on the door frame and slides down to sit with his head in his hands. What the fuck has just happened? Has he gone crazy? Why was he so obnoxious?
Did he really get mad just because Seokjin randomly met a girl, liked her and gave her his number? How hypocritical is that? Jungkook rarely gives his number away, it's true, but that doesn't stop him from handing out something much more precious than that like free candy.
Could it be his possessiveness towards his hyungs went overboard? But he never reacted that way with the others. In fact, he was just having fun with Seokjin trying to guess Yoongi's suspicious activities.
He wonders if Seokjin's playful and sweet demeanor and openness towards him in all the years they've known each other made Jungkook unconsciously consider him sort of private property.
But sharing Seokjin with the other members, with his family, with the staff, or Seokjin’s friends, has never been a problem for Jungkook. He’s never felt particularly jealous or threatened…
Ah. But Seokjin is not HIS to share, is he? He never was. So this way of thinking is kinda flawed.
Oh c’mon, does he really feel that entitled? Jungkook has always encouraged Seokjin to pursue flings or go on dates over the years…It is also true that Jungkook knew they were bound to end at some point anyway. No one could maintain a relationship with their crazy schedule, until recently. Not even Namjoon and Yoongi could, despite trying very hard. And last time Seokjin went for a proper date was… around two years ago?
A sudden intrusive thought takes shape in a corner of his brain. Maybe it is not just Seokjin's caring side that makes Jungkook feel like he belongs to him. But something else that the younger has gotten used to dismiss over the years as something not important, volatile. His attraction towards Seokjin… in other ways. Sexual ways.
But those are simple, natural consequences of the fact that Jungkook was in the middle of puberty when he met handsome Seokjin and, also, their forced proximity for all these years. And Seokjin’s incredible charm.
And he is surely not the only one that feels that way towards their oldest hyung. He sees how Taehyung and Jimin look at Seokjin sometimes.
One time, years ago, the mischievous two had taken advantage of the fact that, in their old dorm, water heating was shit and water in the shower would turn to instant melted ice if someone were to flush the toilet.
Of course the two had given in to the temptation after hearing Seokjin annoyingly sing Bitch better have my money in the shower, specifically that one line, over and over again, at the top of his lungs.
They had sneaked inside the bathroom and flushed the toilet, as the repeated sentence had turned into a horror movie high pitched scream.
Seokjin had come out from the bathroom furious, gripping a small towel on his narrow hips, all wet with his hair dripping pushed behind to reveal his forehead, cheeks flushed, lips scarlet red, and had started scolding the two soulmates, looking way too beautiful.
Jungkook remembers that Jimin and Taehyung, just like him, were way too focused on Seokjin's wet chest and abs to care to listen to what the older was screaming at them about. Apparently Seokjin noticed it too because he had slapped a hand on his chest to cover himself and had retreated to the bathroom, mumbling to himself like a grandpa. A very hot grandpa with wide, wet shoulders.
However, despite these inappropriate, scattered thoughts about his hyung, Jungkook never expected these feelings to manifest in real life, least of all to compromise their friendship.
Ok, there was ONE time when he kissed Seokjin when he was drunk. It was a chaste, short kiss, though, no tongue. And he was drunk, he would have probably made out with the couch where Seokjin was lying on. And, are we going to pretend Jimin hasn't kissed every single member at some point like that? With Taehyung following him right behind.
To be honest, Jungkook was expecting these inappropriate feelings to go away at some point. They never did, if not they had grown in recent years. But they are probably a side effect of Jungkook's new, very active sex life.
This trail of thoughts is starting to hurt his brain as he finds himself in a vortex of Maybes and Buts , trapped in an infinite cycle of coming up with a theory and immediately shutting it up.
After an eternity, but probably closer to 10 minutes, the door suddenly opens behind his back. He gasps, falling on the floor behind him, managing at the last second to tense his neck up not to hit his head on the floor. He slowly rests his head down, bumping into a foot.
"I knew you were still here." Seokjin is towering over him, his face neutral. Jungkook was so distracted that didn't even hear or detect his steps.
"How?"
"I didn't hear you elephant steps in the corridor."
"I'm sorry hyung. I don't know what got into me. I'm a spoiled brat." Jungkook rushes his words out. He feels worn out and tired and just wants to make peace with his hyung.
"Is it really just that? Your shitty personality?"
"That and I'm… tired from the tour. Also, I'm stuck with a song" Jungkook blurts all these reasons out too quickly, feeling somewhat exposed. Neither of those answers sit right on his tongue, though. They feel too much as excuses.
"Mmmh. Did you remember to eat dinner? You know you get grumpy when you skip meals."
"I did."
"What did you eat?"
"Rameyon."
"You should eat vitamins from time to time."
"Mmh."
They keep staring at each other in silence and despite all that happened, Jungkook perceives softness and affection in his hyung's eyes. That makes his tantrum feel even worse.
He breaks eye contact and starts caressing Seokjin's foot on the side of his head with his finger, tracing the cute stylized cacti on Seokjin’s socks. He then closes his eyes.
"Are you going to sleep there?"
"Why not? It won't be the first time I sleep on your floor." He mutters. He really doesn't want to go back to his room. It feels cold and distant.
Seokjin's silent reply, however, is pretty clear: he doesn’t want him there.
"I'm kidding, of course. I'll go. Sorry again, hyung."
With a snort he lifts his neck and chest to get up when Seokjin's foot pushes him down by his chest.
"It's ok, you can come back to my silky sheets." Seokjin's voice is now soft and warms Jungkook's chest. Or maybe it’s the heat that comes from Seokjin's foot.
"Are you su-?
"IF you ask forgiveness from your lord.” Seokjin declares with an imperious voice. He's definitely roleplaying a cheesy time period movie he watched. Seokjin often goes from completely serious to goofy in matters of seconds.
Jungkook tries with all his strength not to roll his eyes. “Forgive me, my lord.”
Seokjin finally grins at him and Jungkook can’t help but brightly smile back at thim.
He tries to get up again but Seokjin pushes him down once more.
"H-huyng I can't get up if you…" he huffs out.
“I can’t stop, this feels too good.” Seokjin is now giggling.
Jungkook giggles back and tries to get up once again only to be pushed down. He kinda feels warm in his lower belly now and he doesn't know if it's relief because this physical scuffle means they got back to normal, or… no way, is he a little turned on right now?
To get over this definitely out of place feeling, he grabs Seokjin’s foot and starts flapping it around to make Seokjin lose his balance. “Aish, Jungkook! Let me go!” Seokjin is jumping on his other foot, trying to get away from his grip. Yep, things got back to normal pretty quickly. More or less.
–
They keep playing with each other for a while until they decide they have had enough. Seokjin is now on the ground: he had sat down on the floor to avoid falling altogether and from there he had tried to pull away his leg from Jungkook steel grip for a while, theatrically sobbing like he was trapped in the jaws of a monster.
“C’mon let’s go to bed. I’m tired and we have practice tomorrow.” Seokjin replicates, breathless but smiley.
Jungkook, now wrapped around Seokjin’s leg like a piton, lets him go. He, on the contrary, feels now more energetic than before.
When they get into bed, Seokjin has barely the time to turn off the reading light and settle down on the bed that Jungkook reaches out for his wrist, anchors Seokjin's hand to his chest and rolls over on the side, forcing Seokjin to spoon him.
“What is this?”
Jungkook shrugs.
"So let me get this clear. You steal my bed, behave like a brat, try to crush my leg and I now have to cuddle you?" Seokjin is over him, leaned on his elbow.
Despite his playful tone, Jungkook, suddenly reminded of his behavior before, immediately loosens his grip, lifting his elbow to let him slip away. “Sorry hyung, you're right."
"No no it's fine. Life is suffering." He dramatically states, keeping his hand there and gently stroking Jungkook's chest. He then lays down all the way behind him, snuggling closer until they almost touch, maintaining little space between their bodies.
To a stranger, this is probably a little too intimate for two adults not in a relationship. But Jungkook does not care. Sleeping while cuddling with another member was the norm in BTS, at least the first years together. Not at the very beginning for him, where he was so shy to even wait for the others to go to sleep before taking a bath. But after a while, as the group grew closer and more popular, they had learnt to find comfort in physical intimacy, to face together the harsh industry and the exciting but equally scary prospect of fame.
Some more than others of course. Jimin and Hobi had always been open to hug and cuddle whoever in the group needed it.
Jin was always less inclined to physical affection, preferring other ways of showing support. Except when it came to Jungkook. Jungkook remembers all the times he fell asleep clinging to Seokjin’s back, with his nose buried in Seokjin's nape, like a scared bunny.
But that was years ago. As every adult, Jungkook had found other ways to chase away the nightmares, as the company and his members were painfully aware of.
Well, except for tonight.
“Were you going to tell me eventually about this girl?” Jungkook's voice is hesitant, tiny.
“Jungkook…" Yes, really, Jungkook?
"I-I don't wanna fight! Just… it's been a long time since you gave your number to someone so…"
“Of course I was going to tell you, dickhead. I…I just need some time to reflect on it.”
“Don’t you like her?”
"I do. But I don't know…You know me, I'm never sure about anything ever." Even if Seokjin is joking, there's sincerity in his words. And vulnerability.
“Can you please repeat this sentence so I can record it? I’d like to use it when you claim you won more times than me at Mario Kart.” Jungkook plays along.
Seokjin giggles. Jungkook smiles to himself.
Silence.
“...did you two eat together?” What is wrong with him?
“We ate with all the other people.”
Jungkook suddenly has a clear vision of a faceless girl, helping Seokjin peel a perilla leaf drenched in soy sauce, their chopsticks clashing, both leaned on the table, with their faces getting closer… he chases the vision away.
“What did you eat?”
“If you are asking if I respected my diet, I most certainly did not.”
This time it’s Jungkook that giggles.
Silence again.
"We should really sleep…" Seokjin’s voice is low and soft.
"Yeah…"
He feels Seokjin's hand slipping away from his grip and he instinctively tries to hold on it.
"I just want to check the time."
"Ah…"
Seokjin’s arm slips away, along with the heat radiating from Seokjin's body. Jungkook suddenly feels alone, a void where Seokjin's hand was just seconds ago.
He's just thinking about how Seokjin will probably take this opportunity of checking his phone to roll on the other side, as far away as possible from him, and he would not blame him one bit… when Seokjin's hand slips below his arm and settles back to where it was. Jungkook covers it with his own, relieved.
“What time is it?”
“00.34.”
“Time goes fast when you’re having fun.” Jungkook chants, sarcastically.
Seokjin grunts.
–
In the quiet darkness of Seokjin's room, Jungkook decides he has had enough dramatic outbursts for the day, or for the week really, and he can leave his mind to rest. That is, to let it wander around the room, lulled by the tranquility of the present. It should be easy to fall asleep quickly.
He hears Seokjin snuggling behind him and quietly breathing. This is nice.
That girl may have had Seokjin at dinner but Jungkook has him in bed with him.
Jungkook shakes his head, annoyed with himself for this intrusive petty thought and his weird resentment towards this unknown person. It’s time to snap out of it, damn it. He takes a big breath and tries to free his mind once more.
Seokjin, maybe detecting a bit of restlessness in Jungkook, gently strokes him where his hand is lying just below his pecs, as to reassure him. Jungkook likes this contact and he automatically seeks for more.
He starts tracing Seokjin fingers with his own in all their length and Seokjin mirrors him, gently rubbing his skin through the t-shirt.
A little, minuscule fire ignites somewhere inside Jungkook.
No biggie. Again, he's used to putting down these inappropriate feelings when it comes to Seokjin.
Moreover, he likes being cuddled and reassured, and this is what it is all about, right? So he pushes Seokjin to continue caressing him in that spot, ignoring the dangers of keeping a match on in the dry corner of his mind he didn't nurture all these years, that is his attraction to his hyung.
At some point, Seokjin's hand slips lower towards the mattress and his middle finger grazes on the edge of Jungkook's clothed nipple. Jk twitches at the touch, the fire slightly growing in size, and a little, embarrassing, noise comes out of his mouth. He quickly tries to turn it into him seemingly clearing his throat.
Seokjin's seems to have noticed the little movement and he probably interprets it as Jungkook not wanting to be touched there because he keep stroking Jungkook without touching the nipple again.
Jungkook, on the other hand, becomes hyper fixated on the proximity of Seokjin's finger to his nipple.
He can't help but wanting to feel it again so he slightly tilts his torso to the right to close the distance. He notices he's rubbing his feet together in excitement.
Seokjin's finger grazes on the nipple again, this time staying there and circling it, making his body slightly shiver and clouding his mind.
Before his mind even registers what he is doing he is imperceptibly guiding Seokjin's hand down. He expects resistance, and if that had been the case, the movement would have been so insignificant that both of them could have just ignored it, fallen asleep and moved on with their lives.
But Seokjin's hand, against every precedent, unspoken rule, even common sense, moves along with his, obediently, his warm fingers softly and slowly trailing on Jungkook's clothed skin, his heart's rate rising with every passing millimeter, the little fire growing by the second.
Jungkook can’t help but hold his breath when Seokjin's pinky, followed by all the other fingers, finds his bare skin as they get past the edge of his t-shirt, slightly lifted up by his lying position.
Jungkook stops, not knowing what to do, his brain still not fully grasping what his body seems to already know.
He doesn’t have to do anything, though, because Seokjin continues on his own and slowly slips his thumb under the edge of the t-shirt, lifting it up and proceeding to trace his abs and then going up until his thumb reaches Jungkook's right nipple, the one he hadn't touched yet.
May day, may day. It feels so good, oh god.
Ok let's keep calm. This is ok, just some affection between friends.
Except it is definitely not. Jungkook suddenly sees himself from outside his body and yeah, this is not a normal situation.
In fact, if a BTS member were to enter the room right now and find Seokjin with his hand stuck under Jungkook's shirt, circling his nipple while spooning him, that would be definitely labeled as weird.
Weird and inappropriate… and hot. Damn if it is hot.
Seokjin's touch on his nipple is delicate and sweet but it boosts indelicate and raw thoughts in Jungkook, as a great amount of blood says bye to his brain to supply his lap.
Seokjin's hand now turns south again and Jungkook can't help letting out a tiny little whimper, mourning the loss already, until he sucks in a huge amount of air as Seokjin traces his happy trail, abruptly stopping when it finds the waistband of Jungkook's shorts.
Jungkook's senses are now expanded. He can see the profile of the desk in front of him in the darkness, he feels the weight of the blanket on his hip, the pressure of the pillow on his right cheek…
And he can hear Seokjin's every little breath, or lack thereof, his tension in the immobility of his body.
This is it, isn't it? The moment of truth. The edge of the cliff. The "everything is going to change" instant. Seokjin’s fingers are still, apparently blocked by the waistband that seems to dig like barbed wire on Jungkook's skin. A cruel barrier that cannot be surpassed.
Except that it's not, it’s just a loose elastic band.
Seokjin is probably hesitating.
Some of the horny fog clouding his mind finally clears and the reasonable part of his brain is able to regain some power.
Is this what Seokjin wants? Is this all happening because of the fight? Maybe Seokjin is vulnerable right now, finding himself insecure after meeting a new person. He did tell him he's never sure about anything. Is he sure about this?
As for himself, all Jungkook knows right now is that he wants this. He wants Seokjin to touch him as 8 years of repressed attraction, seemingly without reason, suddenly got free in the span of a moment.
Still, Jungkook doesn't want to force Seokjin into something he is not comfortable with. He places his hand back on Seokjin's hand, not to push him but simply to let him know everything's fine, that he can stop if he wants to.
He opens his mouth to express it in words when Seokjin's hand, maybe encouraged by his touch, proceeds to break the barrier alone, slipping under his shorts.
The wall is down.
Jungkook lightly gasps and Seokjin immediately stops, maybe thinking that he read the gesture wrong, and he did, but to Jungkook's extreme delight.
But the deed is done now and Jungkook lets him know he can continue his path right away by delicately pushing his wrist.
Seokjin's hand now proceeds more confidently as it reaches his bulge and cups it through his underwear. Jungkook lets out a sigh as quietly as possible, deep down afraid that even the slightest noise could somehow break the spell and stop what is happening. He then slightly pushes his hip towards the touch.
Jungkook just realizes how hard he got and grins to himself, trying to remember the last time he got so excited by only one hand strolling down his body and the mere, feeble promise of something.
He should probably be embarrassed but he is not, not one bit. He deliriously think that he wants Seokjin to feel it.
Seokjin’s thumb traces over Jungkook length through the fabric, as if he’s surprised too of his own effect on Jungkook's body. Jungkook closes his eyes and bites his lower lip to trap another sigh.
Seokjin, finding nothing by approval by Jungkook's little movements and reactions, does not waste any more time and slips his hand below Jungkook’s elastic underwear.
Maybe feeling how restrictive it is, instead of touching Jungkook right away, he pushes Jungkook's underwear down, along with the shorts.
Jungkook rushes to help him by lifting his hips and pushing down himself until his clothes, as well as the covers, are out of the way.
His dick is now free, out in the open, IN SEOKJIN'S ROOM. Jungkook vaguely tries to remember if it ever happened when Seokjin, seemingly now impatient, envelops his hand around the base of his cock and every coherent thought Jungkook might have now melts into oblivion.
“Fuck”, he barely whispers.
Seokjin starts with gentle and tiny strokes. Jungkook breath hitches and he starts quietly panting in rhythm, slightly bucking into Seokjin's hand. It is rough, with no lubricant to help, but seeing the speed in which Jungkook got hard like a teenager, it might be for the best. It is actually very good and already a few seconds later Jungkook aches for more.
Seokjin seems to understand, strengthening his grip on Jungkook and lengthening his strokes. Jungkook can’t help but let out a full moan, dropping his head behind while biting his lower lip.
Seokjin moves his head to the side and now his stunning lips are brushing against Jungkook's ear, letting him clearly hear the sweet music of his hyung's shaky aroused breaths.
The sound makes everything more real in the darkness of the room. And hotter.
All of the sudden, Seokjin slips his whole left arm, earlier trapped between them, under Jungkook’s neck, gripping his chest and pressing Jungkook onto his own body.
At the same time, his hip slowly thrusts against Jungkook’s naked ass, burying his clothed bulge between Jungkook’s buttocks.
Feeling the definitive proof that Seokjin is as excited as him shocks him with waves of arousal and he is not afraid to be heard from Seokjin anymore.
Seokjin stops stroking and rubs his thumb over the head of Jungkook’s dick where he finds him already wet with precum.
Jungkook feels like he’s experiencing his first handjob again by how quickly he's getting close to release.
He arches his back to press his ass on Seokjin’s boner even more.
A muffled moan escapes Seokjin and it electrifies Jungkook’s body. Would Seokjin have sex with a man? With him? Jungkook is almost 100% sure Seokjin is straight. At least, he's always been with women.
Jungkook’s thoughts get interrupted again as Seokjin’s hand, now wet with Jungkook’s precum, resumes the strokes with purpose.
Jungkook reaches to Seokjin’s hand on his chest, ending up crossing his finger with him and squeezing hard as pleasure is now uncontrollably building inside him, his hip now fully thrusting along with Seokjin’s hands to have more friction, but also to make Seokjin crazy as he bounces his ass on his boner.
His other hand, resting on Seokjin’s forearm, travels behind him and grips Seokjin’s thigh, then delicately slips on Seokjin’s front, to feel his bulge.
He realizes that Seokjin sweats are now slightly damped with precum, probably infiltrating his underwear and his pj. Fuck, that is hot. He would love to touch Seokjin’s wetness…taste it…
Jungkook, now brows frowned and mouth open, exhales progressively louder whimpers as his hyung keeps stroking him faster and faster, precum that keeps sliding on his length and gathering between his hyung’s fingers.
He starts hearing Seokjin’s bed squeaking with every movement and somehow that makes him even crazier, but also aware that the others could hear them. He seals his lips in an attempt to muffle the sounds that keep coming out of him.
He realizes he’s getting really close, and, somewhere in his brain where reason has taken refuge for the time being, he asks himself how he can let his hyung know.
Will it be weird, saying it out loud? He has to tell him, in case he wants to pull away his hand.
“Jin hyung…I-I’m…close.” Wow, it's not as weird as he thought. In fact, as all the other things he thought would turn out to be weird that evening, it's hot.
Seokjin doesn’t reply with words. Instead, he moans against his nape and quickens his strokes. Then licks and grazes his teeth on Jungkook’s soft skin behind his ear.
Jungkook is caught off guard by this raw reaction, goosebumps starting from his neck and spreading all over his body as he is sent over the edge.
“Hyung I’m coming” he vocalizes. Even better.
With a strangled noise, Jungkook comes hard, spilling beyond the edge of Seokjin’s bed, onto the floor, pleasure rocking in waves inside him while Seokjin not only doesn't let go but milks him through it.
When Jungkook comes down from this unexpected but welcomed high, not knowing how many minutes passed, he realizes Seokjin has let go of him and his body is not pressed on him anymore. He slowly pulls his underwear and shorts back and rolls on his back to look at him.
His hyung is now as far from him as possible, his back turned, almost pressed on the shelves to his left, the covers all the way up to his neck. He's still like a statue and he almost doesn't breathe.
Jungkook knows he should talk to him and clarify what happened but suddenly the exhaustion from the long day suddenly crashes over him. The interviews, the afternoon spent on the computer, the frustration, the small fight with Seokjin, the wrestling, the freaking handjob, again from Seokjin, and the amazing orgasm. He feels almost too at peace, even if maybe he shouldn't. He closes his eyes and drifts off immediately.