Chapter Text
~*~
Arthur sighed as he pushed his maps, reports, and all the other parchments aside. None of them were bringing him any closer to finding Morgana, despite all his hopes otherwise.
“Not going well?”
Arthur looked up to where Merlin was folding his clothes on the bed, and he shook his head. “Most of the time, it’s nothing,” Arthur said. “The few times we get something, she slips away by the time we know where to look.”
Merlin seemed to be about to say something, but then turned back to the clothes
Arthur narrowed his eyes at Merlin in thought, before asking, “Has Emrys had any better luck?”
Merlin looked sharply at Arthur. “What makes you think I’d know?”
“You’ve been sneaking out and disappearing more – what else would you be up to but meeting him?” When Merlin’s eyes widened, Arthur rolled his own and added, “I have the knights on alert for Agravaine and the entire guard patrolling like wolves for anyone going in or out. There is little happening in this castle that I don’t know about, Merlin, but it’s not what’s happening in the castle that’s worrying me.”
Merlin stared at him, before looking back at the clothes he was now clutching so tightly, Arthur worried he would rip them.
“No,” Merlin said, sounding as if he had to force the words out from his lips. “He hasn’t been able to get much closer than you.” A pause, and then he added in a softer, quieter tone, “And that’s frightening him.”
“He admitted that?”
“Didn’t have to.”
Arthur watched his manservant, and considered whether or not Merlin was projecting his own fears onto Emrys, since he was clearly terrified. He wondered yet again if Morgana had done more to Merlin when he was in her clutches than he’d admitted.
He wanted to ask, but felt a heavy pall of guilt settle in his gut when he remembered Merlin’s hesitance to talk about his time in captivity. Just thinking about what might have happened to Merlin made his stomach churn. He needed something to settle it.
“Take the platter back down to the kitchens. Bring back some wine and cakes – I’m going to be working on this for a while.”
“You should sleep,” Merlin said as he set down the clothes to gather up the dinner plates.
“Morgana will be pushing herself,” Arthur retorted. “So must I. As such, I want my wine watered down.”
Merlin nodded.
“Be quick,” Arthur added. “No secret meetings or mischief on the way.” Merlin snorted as he went out the door.
He stood up as the door shut with an echoing thud, stretching his body and walking over to the window to stare out over the city – and at the kingdom beyond.
“Where are you?” he murmured to the stars. “And what are you up to?”
Arthur carefully avoided thinking about just whom he wanted such answers from most.
~*~
“Who drank all my water?” Elyan cried out while Arthur struggled to re-fasten his belt around his waist. How the hell had Merlin managed to shrink a belt of all things?
One of the knights burped from his position behind Arthur, and the rest of the men laughed.
“There’s your answer,” Arthur said, turning to see Merlin and the knights sniggering at Gwaine, who was patting his stomach gleefully.
As the knights started throwing another water skin, Merlin laughing off to the side, Arthur finally did up his belt and stepped back to watch his men. They were no closer to finding Morgana, bringing Gwen home, or revealing Agravaine for the snake he was. At least, though, they could still have moments like this.
Morgana hadn’t won just yet.
Arthur smiled and leaned back against a convenient tree, looking around and keeping watch while the knights and Merlin de-stressed a little. Just as he was about to considering joining in their little game, something flashed in the corner of his eye.
He whistled, sharp and low while gesturing for them to stop, and all of them were silent and tense in an instant as Arthur put a hand on the pommel of his sword and made a follow me motion, before going towards what he saw.
Darting between the trees, Arthur could see it was stationary. As he approached, he saw it was nothing even alive – just bright.
They stepped into what looked like a clearing, decorated and yet oddly familiar.
“What is this place?” Percival asked as the knights started to spread out.
That was a very good question. Arthur could feel…something humming in his bones as he stepped carefully into the clearing of stone. There was what appeared to be an unusually clear spring, and combined with the too-smooth rock walls, he immediately knew this place wasn’t a natural one.
“I have a bad feeling about this,” Merlin murmured, turning quickly around himself in an effort to take everything in at once.
“Look for anything that might lead to Morgana,” Arthur said. “Anything-”
“It’s a Druid shrine, Arthur,” Merlin began.
“Then maybe there’s something that can help!” Arthur snapped.
Merlin caught his eye and repeated, “Arthur, I have a really bad feeling about this place.”
“It’s eerie,” Gwaine grumbled as he walked past.
“We’re knights of Camelot,” Arthur called out.
“Yeah, that doesn’t exactly help if this is a place of magic, which it is,” Merlin protested.
Arthur wanted to tell Merlin to shut up, but the odd familiarity of the place was gnawing at him. That, combined with the present eeriness of the place, made him disinclined to ignore Merlin.
Instead, he snapped, “Keep looking.”
“But don’t touch anything!” Merlin added.
All the knights looked at Merlin, and he shook his head. “This place is cursed, Arthur, I just know it. I can’t explain it fully, not without Gaius, but – he told me…”
“Told you what?” Arthur demanded.
He turned to face Merlin, about to add in a reminder to stop sniveling when he took in Merlin’s face, pale and terrified. His entire body was twitching. The words died on his lips as he watched Merlin jerk around, trying to keep everyone in his line of sight at once.
Once upon a time, Merlin had ridden out to face a dragon at Arthur’s side without armor, without weapons, and without flinching.
When Merlin got scared, Arthur paid attention.
“He, er,” Merlin shook his head, and Arthur frowned, turning away from the other men’s investigation to grasp Merlin’s shoulder. The manservant jerked at the touch, but didn’t pull away once he saw it was Arthur.
“What has you so spooked?” Arthur asked quietly.
Merlin slowly looked up, and Arthur followed his gaze to the strips of bright red cloth dangling right over their heads.
He couldn’t help but jerk back a little, dragging Merlin behind him.
“Those aren’t decorations, Arthur,” Merlin said, voice unusually deep with the high note of panic resonating behind it. “They’re a warning. We’re not going to find anything to do with Morgana here, if only because she’d never come here. Even she wouldn’t commit such… blasphemy. Please – we have to get out of here!”
Blasphemy?
Arthur gave Merlin a long, considering look. He watched the way Merlin was constantly turning on the spot, looking for threats behind every corner. He was acting like a skittish horse, but Arthur could not see what had him so frightened.
He couldn’t see it, but he could feel something. Nonetheless, whatever it was, Merlin was feeling it worse.
“Alright,” Arthur said finally, turning and calling out to the knights. “Come on – we won’t find anything useful here. Let’s get back home before night falls.”
The knights were all too glad to leave, Gwaine and Percival practically shooting out of the clearing towards the horses, Leon following a little more slowly and warily. Arthur stood, though, looking around himself, frowning as he tried to remember why on earth this place was so familiar…and yet so alien at the same time.
“Arthur?”
He turned at Merlin’s nearly pleading voice and nodded. “Coming. Let me just get ‒”
Elyan appeared, looking even more spooked. “Let’s go,” he pleaded, striding past Arthur and Merlin at an unsettling pace.
Frowning deeply, Arthur sighed and, with one last look over his shoulder, followed them all back to the horses.
It was as they mounted up that Arthur finally remembered what that was. He froze and slowly turned back to face the clearing, all the horrific memories rushing back. He could almost begin to hear their cries again…
“Arthur.”
Oh, god, he knew exactly why this place was familiar, what that place was now, and ‒
“Arthur?”
So many years, so many women and children and innocent men and regrets in one place, horrors of his youth clawing their way up from the depths of his memory.
“Arthur!”
He jerked at Merlin’s sharp concern, and quickly mounted his horse.
“Are you okay?”
Arthur almost told the truth, almost said no, but then he remembered – this was long before Merlin had blundered his way into Camelot.
With everything that had happened recently, and with the way Merlin was looking at him right now, Arthur couldn’t bear to tell the truth, or admit what he had done.
Merlin hadn’t yet seen Arthur at his absolute worst, and Arthur couldn’t bear to lose his closest friend over past failures.
“I’m fine,” Arthur said. “Or I will be once we get back home.”
Merlin clearly didn’t believe it, but thankfully he just nodded. He turned his horse around and waited for Arthur, and soon enough they were in the midst of all the knights on the slow march toward home.
The entire ride back was morose and quiet, Elyan nearly twitching out of his saddle while Merlin looked one step away from just falling off his horse entirely. It gave Arthur disquieting flashbacks to Merlin’s state after their run-in with the Dorocha.
Arthur felt a bit like falling down, himself. Preferably on his sword.
Eight years and he could still remember the screaming as clearly as if it were yesterday.
~*~
Arthur nearly went with Merlin to talk to Gaius about what they had found, but instead went to the council chambers to pool his findings along with everyone else’s in the search for Morgana.
It was irritating, working with stratified small councils, but it was the only way to have some measure of control over what Agravaine – and more importantly Morgana – knew of the search.
Arthur never thought he’d be so grateful for his uncle’s stubborn blindness and inability to see what was right in front of him.
“Is he okay?”
Arthur turned to Gwaine.
“Who?”
“Merlin,” Gwaine said. “The way he was acting in that shrine…”
“I saw,” Arthur said. “I’ll speak to him tonight.”
Gwaine nodded once and followed the rest of the knights as he set about on a false search to misdirect Agravaine.
Arthur headed up to his chambers, but ended up running into Merlin halfway there.
The servant didn’t notice him, at first, rushing past with a pile of laundry. He yelped when Arthur grabbed his shoulder, nearly dropping his load as he jerked away, and yet again only calming when he saw that it was Arthur.
“Are you ‒”
“I’m fine, I’m fine,” Merlin said a little snappishly. “I just ‒”
“You’ve been off ever since we found the shrine,” Arthur said as they walked towards his chambers. “I just want to make sure you are alright.”
Merlin pursed his lips and nodded.
“Good,” Arthur said, not believing Merlin’s act for a moment. “Has Gaius been able to tell you anything about that shrine?”
“It’s…we need to leave it alone,” Merlin said. “Those things are places to quell restless spirits – those greatly wronged and with unfinished business. They ‒”
Merlin bit his lip, and Arthur tried not to flinch as the unintended accusation. Luckily, Merlin didn’t notice.
“Gaius thinks this was the result of one of your father’s raids. After the knights or whoever cleared out, some Druids must’ve gone back to try and bring some peace to the spirits of those butchered there.”
Merlin respected Arthur’s father, but he never liked him. Or maybe it was the other way around, that Merlin liked the man but didn’t respect the king – Arthur could never truly tell which it was, only that it was one or the other.
They reached Arthur’s chambers in silence, one which Arthur broke with, “I’ll take my dinner in here, tonight.”
“Any preferences?” Merlin asked as he dumped Arthur’s laundry on the bed.
“See if there’s any of that roast beef left.” Arthur paused, his thoughts flashing to the shrine again. “Strong wine, too. And some extra sweetmeats wouldn’t be remiss.” Merlin opened his mouth with a certain glint in his eyes, and Arthur snapped, “I’m not going to put up with any of your usual nonsense about my dining preferences, not tonight. Just go.”
Arthur regretted his tone as soon as he saw the hurt flash across Merlin’s face, but he didn’t want to be cheered up tonight. So, he just looked away and pointed to the door. “Now.”
Merlin went.
Arthur stood in the middle of his rooms for several moments more after the door closed, before finally collapsing into the chair in front of the fire.
He stared into the fire’s depths, pondering counting the minutes until Merlin came back to see if he’d taken too long, if he’d snuck off for a secret, illegal meeting with a Druid or sorcerer, if not Emrys himself. Merlin’s disappearances were getting increasingly erratic, and based on what he knew of Emrys, that had to mean Merlin was familiar with other sorcerers or Druids besides the old coot.
Arthur supposed that, with Merlin having grown up with a sorcerer for a best friend in Ealdor, Merlin would be familiar with sorcerers. It might even explain a few other strange coincidences over the last few years…though not nearly enough.
Still, that didn’t make it any less startling to realize Merlin was so close to people with magic. Even accounting for Gaius…
…actually, that didn’t help much, either. It was clear that somehow, Merlin knew Emrys better than Gaius did.
Arthur frowned as he realized that, before turning in his seat to look at the haphazard pile of laundry on the bed, and the door through which Merlin had just left.
“How do you know Emrys?” Arthur murmured to the empty room.
Unsurprisingly, he didn’t get an answer from the silence.
~*~