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It was a clear night in the artic, not a cloud in the sky or storm in the horizon. December was slowly rolling in, and while the winter months usually brought with them storms and strong winds, the days had been mellow until then.
It was nice, peaceful.
Once upon a time, that was all Phil had wanted for his family. and here they were now in the finish line. Technoblade was outside, placing the blankets on the cows and horses, talking to them in the way Phil knew his son would forever deny. Wilbur wasn't far from his brother, leaning against the fence that protected their house. He looked calm, at peace. Gone were the purple bags under his eyes and the constant stench of smoke. Wilbur was home.
Phil tried to ignore the white streak marking his oldest's hair, the decadent patches of skin that tinted his face a sick yellow. He ignored the scars on Techno's face, the visible seams a totem had left behind after putting his head back together. The way his eyes drifted every so often towards the treeline, expecting an attack.
He didn't call attention to the missing member of their family. Of the loud teenager that should be there, completing the picture that was their home. Tommy had made his choice, and Phil had long since stopped mourning his living youngest child.
Maybe if he repeated the statement enough times, the angel of death would believe it. Maybe then he would be better at ignoring the revolts of doubt as he thought about the young raccoon hybrid, of how things had played for them.
There was a part of him, a small hidden part inside his heart, that was still calling for his chick. The one that heard fearful chitters in the empty nights, that longed for the flock he was missing.
The part that had seen Tommy's face, the way he flinched away from him during doomsday, and had felt doubt.
The angel kept looking at his remaining family out the window, warmed by the fire, unaware of an envelope being pushed from under his door.
To say that Tommy was nervous would be the understatement of the fucking century. Rationally he had nothing to fear, after all the most probable outcome would be his "family" simply not showing up, ignoring his invitation like they did everything else that had to do remotely with him.
The thought didn't help calm the raccoon's nerves, his tail had been puffed up all day, ears in constant alert. Sam hadn't commented on his jumpiness as they prepared everything for the reunion, and Tommy was glad for that. As it was, he was currently hiding under the table, knees pressed close to his chest as the raccoon hugged himself tightly.
Every second diner approached, the more he doubted his decision.
A soft rumble sounded soft from somewhere behind him, accompanied by the hizzes typical of creeper Hybrids. In the months he'd been living with Sam, Tommy had learned how to distinguish the difference in the man's creeper noises. The rumble was the most common one Tommy heard, it meant protection and love, a call for the young of the group.
He let a chitter leave his mouth, letting his location be found. Soon, he could hear the soft catering of Sam's gold armor as the warden lowered himself to find him. The mantle was removed from the table, leaving him and his makeshift hiding place in plain view.
"Everything alright Tommy? You've been under there for a few hours now, it's almost time for dinner," there was no judgment in the man's voice, no hidden threats of violence or secret disdain.
Tommy wanted to answer Sam's question, but the remainder of the time simply made the anxiety in his heart grow and he hugged himself more tightly, fluffed up tail curled around his ankles. The chippers he couldnt keep inside were those of distress, and Tommy could see Sam's face contorted in worry.
"Do you want to talk about it cub?"
Tommy nodded, because yes, he wanted to talk about it. Maybe. Puffy always said that problems were easier to solve once they were talked through, but how could he even begin to explain the anxiety the arrival of the people he used to call family made him feel?
The raccoon was keenly aware of where he and his "family" stood, the frail ground of resentment and ranger they stood on every time they interacted. Wisps of old betrayal distinct in the tension between them, every time they interacted. He hated it, the feeling of abandonment growing more with every action they took to get away from him.
It would have been so easy to just enjoy the holidays. But of course, Tommy was never like his father and brothers, he couldnt just move on. He had worked so long with Puffy, convincing himself, "understanding" that everything that had happened hadn't been his fault or responsibility. And here he was, hiding under a table next to his technically adoptive father, waiting for his old family to arrive for the Christmas dinner he had invited them to.
Tommy was tired of running. He was tired of trying to pretend that he didn't miss them, to be loved by them, with everything that he was. Miss the feeling of pure freedom as Philza carried him through the air as a child, showing him the world through a lens uniquely his. He missed the comfort of Wilbur singing him lullabies and consoling him whenever something bad happened, no matter how light the problem may have been in the adult's eyes. He missed Techno reading him stories about great heroes, princes that battled dragons, and gods of old.
Tommy missed the comfort that his family used to bring, back before Wilbur signed him up for a war for a country that didn't even exist anymore.
Before Technoblade got consumed by his ideals, before he decided that those ideals mattered more to him than the little brother he'd always sworn to protect.
Before Phil had decided that, compared to his other children, Tommy wasn't as important.
They had harmed him, both mentally and physically (He still had nightmares about the pit). Abandoned Tommy in every sense of the word, and if Puffy was to be believed, none of that was his fault. He shouldn't have to be the bigger person, shouldn't have to fight to keep a family that had thrown him aside so easily.
But Tommy didn't want to forgive them, he just wanted to talk to them.
To have one last Christmas, find the closure maybe they too had been missing.
"I don't know if I made the right choice here," Tommy's words came out softly, almost as a whisper. "I don't know if inviting them was a good idea."
"I see…" Sam sat down under the table, right next to him. Tommy felt an arm wrapping around his shoulders in a comforting hug. "You know, if you want to I can just kick them out at any point, or we can just leave."
"But I invited them."
"And they hurt you, you don't owe them anything Tommy, especially not when you are the one giving the first step ok? This is about you healing, not about them being comforted." Sam made the rumble again as he held Tommy close. The raccoon couldn't help but feel protected, loved.
The moment was interrupted by the sound of Sam's Redstone doorbell.
They were here.
"You think you are ready or do you need a minute? I can keep them waiting," Tommy laughed and took a deep breath before stretching himself, away from the balled-up position he had adopted so many hours ago.
"I think Im ready, big man."
Tommy could feel his brother's eyes on him as they ate. He tried to ignore it, moving his food around the plate lightly trying to pretend he was eating. It wasn't working, but it was better than nothing.
The tension around the dinner table could be cut with a dull knife. No one talked as they ate, the three men sitting in front of Sam and Tommy eying them suspiciously. Sam had tried starting the conversation a few times, but it ended the same always, with the stilted awkwardness of silence consuming the dining room once more.
Tommy was starting to regret inviting them at all, but it was too late now. Here they were, Philza, Wilbur, and Technoblade, the first one at least attempting to appear nonchalant. His brothers were a different story.
Technoblade was staring at him, his red eyes boring into Tommy as the pigling scrutinized him. There was something weird in the way Techno looked at him, something that in a different life Tommy might have mistaken for worry. He wasn't dumb enough to consider the blade to be worried about the one he deemed Theseus. At least he was better than Wilbur, who had just resorted to glaring daggers into Sam's entire being.
Inviting them had definitely been a bad idea, but Tommy was too stubborn to accept defeat. He just needed to get through this one diner, and then he wouldn't need to attempt contacting his "family" ever again.
Philza sighed loudly, almost making Tommy jump in his seat and breaking the still air of the dining room. "So Tommy, to what do we owe the invitation? I will admit it was quite unexpected."
The raccoon could feel everyone's eyes on him, Sam placed a hand on his shoulder giving a comforting squeeze. " It's Christmas, " it sounded small and quiet, Tommy hated how he couldnt even bring himself to speak up when confronted by his family. "I mean.. I..." Wilbur clicked his tongue, the disapproving sound feeling like a knife stabbing through Tommy's heart.
He didn't see Philza's look, reprimanding Wilbur for his reaction. Tommy went back to looking down at his plate, trying to speak without looking at the strangers sitting in front of him. "I mean, I wanted to invite you because, I wanted to talk and well, families should meet on Christmas."
"Oh so now we are family?" Wilbur's voice was coated with a small layer of poison. For a moment Tommy was back in Pogtopia, along with the cold and uncaring vestige of his oldest brother. Tommy went back to playing with his food, feeling Sam's hand tightening slightly on his shoulder. A protective hold, it was comforting. The gesture made Wilbur frown more. "That's rich coming from the guy who left."
Sam growled, low enough so only Tommy would hear him. Someone kicked Wilbur under the table, making the man forcibly shut up. The tense air returned.
" I wish we were" Tommy didn't think they would hear him, still the three figures in front of him stiffened. "I don't like how things ended up."
" Maybe if you hadn't betrayed us Theseus, then things wouldn't have ended up this way." Technoblade looked commanding and sounded the part too. "This was your decision."
"You betrayed me too Technoblade, so don't pretend as if it was just me." The words came out almost without thought. Tommy was so tired, this had been his idea, and he had wanted closure. The other looked stunned at his outburst, Tommy could only feel anger, his fluffed-up tail swishing nervously behind him. "I wasn't the one who threw the first stone."
"Oh really? " There was a menacing growl mixed with Techno's words. Tommy could feel Sam tensing beside him, ready to attack if anyone took it farther. If he was being honest, Sam being next to him was the only reason he felt brave enough to look directly at Technoblade's eyes. "I wasn't aware, so tell me Theseus, when did I betray you before you and Wilbur decided to use me for your little revolt? I told you I didn't like government, you guys used MY effort and resources to win, and disregarded me completely."
The world felt cold. Technoblade was looking at him expectantly, waiting for Tommy to say something. He looked as if the Racoon's silence proved him right, that stupid self-righteous look on his face that Tommy had gotten used to after exile. "Please tell me you are joking Technoblade."
"I have never been more serious."
"Good to know that you don't consider almost beating your brother to death a betrayal, it's nice to see where you stand." He stood up, grabbing the table with enough force that his knuckles turned white.
Technoblade looked as if he were about to rise to the challenge, but he was interrupted by a distressed chirp. Phil's. " What are you talking about Tommy?" There was a dark look in the avian's eyes, one mixed with confusion and worry. Tommy almost wanted to laugh.
"What did Technoblade never tell you about the pit? About how he and Wilbur dug a hole in the ground just cause I was angry he killed my best friend, and then beat me? " He was tired of keeping his feelings out of it. Tommy let everything out, all the resentment and anger that festered for months. "How I yield, and yet he kept going? Or was that not important enough a tale in the list of betrayals inside this family?"
Philza looked stunned, Tommy kept going, for the first time telling his father his side of the tale. His side, uninterrupted by his older brothers. "And yes, I betrayed him in the community house, but I wouldn't have. Not if he hadn't betrayed me first, he almost gave me back to Dream did you know that? He owes the bastard a favor, and was willing to send me back to exile if it meant paying it."
No one was talking. For the first time in front of his strange family, Tommy had the power. And it felt good, to see their stunned faces, to see Philza look at his two older kids with something that almost resembled horror. "Dream didn't even need to mention it, Techno was the one to offer me."
He looked at his family, at the people who had once meant everything to him. The people who had once loved him, who swore to protect him.
"I think inviting you was a mistake, I wanted to talk, to try and forgive you, to try and be a family just for one day," He ignored Philza's pained look, Techno's doubt, the way Wilbur looked like he wanted to run away. "But let's be real, you guys don't care. Not anymore, I will always be the traitor, always be Theseus, the prodigal son."
And with that, Tommy left. He remembered Sam's words, he didn't owe them anything. Tommy went to his room, the one Sam had fixed for him when he first sought shelter with the Creeper hybrid.
He collapsed on his bed, not even bothering to take off his clothes. The tears he'd worked so hard to keep inside during dinner were free to come out now, and Tommy simply let them. He had forgotten how much those things had hurt him, how much those key events had affected his relationship with his older brother.
It was easy for Tommy to point to Doomsday and say that that had been wrong, he'd talked plenty about it with Puffy. He'd never mentioned the encounter with Dream or the pit to anyone.
And now they were out, and Tommy felt the same hopelessness he felt during those moments.
Someone knocked on his door, asking for permission to come in. Tommy assumed it was Sam, letting a chitter welcoming the man into his den. He was surprised when he got a chirp in response, instead of the usual hisses.
Philza Minecraft was standing in the doorway, looking unsure of himself. His wings were hanging low, a look of doubt on his face.
"What do you want?" Tommy was tired of trying to be civil with his family, curling himself into a ball once more and hugging his tail.
The avian sighed,"Honestly? I want to talk, I have a feeling there's more you needed to say, more that you need me to listen." Tommy looked up, taking his father's appearance for the first time. If there was one word that described the man at that moment, that would be defeated. "I always heard your brothers, I'm starting to realize that I heard them over you."
Tommy couldnt help but laugh at that, "You have no idea, big man."
"Tell me."
Philza heard him, Tommy talked for what felt like hours. He told Phil about his sessions with Puffy, about how suddenly the rupture in their family had felt. How sometimes he still forgot, woke up some days thinking everything was ok only to be reminded that the people who had promised him the world didn't even consider him anymore.
He talked, and Phil listened without interrupting him once. And by the end of it, Tommy felt lighter. Like the weight of the world had been taken off his shoulders.
At one point Phil had sat down beside him, and Tommy couldn't help but to lean against his father's shoulder. He purred softly, struggling to keep his eyes open as the events of the night took their toll on him. He felt Phil's wing draping over his back like a blanket, comforted by the warmth.
And maybe things hadn't been resolved yet. Maybe Sam was still now closer to family than the others were, and maybe Tommy wasn't ready to see all three of them at once again. Maybe it would take more talking, and more time, to go back to a semblance of what they used to be.
But for now, Tommy was ok with falling asleep against Phil's shoulder, a soft familiar lullaby being sung just for him, as his new guardian smiled softly from the other side of the door.
Maybe now, things could finally start moving forward.
Maybe now, Tommy was ready to heal. Maybe, that was enough.