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Link...had no idea what to do with this situation.
The stranger wearing weird clothes looked put upon by this situation. They’re also holding a very familiar urn.
“Are those Ganon’s ashes?” He hears himself ask.
“Not anymore.” They pat their stomach. “I ate it. Didn’t I just tell you?”
Yes. But also it sounded a lot like one of those weird episodes of delirium when he had eaten an odd herb or two on an empty stomach. They had round ears, weird clothes, pissed off the cult of Ganon enough that they all ceased chasing him to get the brave fool that stole the ashes from their hideout. It’s such an odd series of events in a short time that even the two Zeldas were unsure what the hell was going on.
“Why did you eat the ashes?!”
“So it can’t get used. Duh. Are you alright, Mr. Hero?” They raised an eyebrow. “Why are you so upset? This just means that they can’t use your blood and Ganon’s ashes to revive him.”
He’s.
He’s not.
He’s not upset.
He’s just been feeling a lot of complicated, conflicting emotions for the past two weeks.
Link can’t quite wrap his mind around the fact that his reality for the past too many years is now over. He’s not gonna be hunted. The ashes are no longer viable for the ritual either. It’s too tainted by a foreign being’s bodily processes. They can’t even use the stranger’s corpse to get back the ingredient.
In short: A lot of his problems are solved because of some rando.
(A rando who was lying about why they even ate the ashes. He can tell. He’s half-fae. They’re lying out of their ass.)
Not the first time in his life that it happened. But that was mostly items and his first quest! Not a curse! Not a curse as powerful as this!
"You ate the Demon King’s ashes. (”Uhuh.”) Why????”
“Why not?”
What kind of answer was that?!
“Look, it was just there. What was I supposed to do?”
“Get out of the cult’s headquarters?”
“Boring.”
“How is that boring?!”
“These are Demon Pig King ashes. Haven’t you ever wondered how he tastes?”
Yes, but he’s not gonna admit that. “That’s not the point. That was really, really reckless and stupid.” And nobody in this world and era is this reckless and stupid.
Not even Link.
“Besides, why did you keep the urn?” It would have hampered their speed and it’s useless now.
“I pooped in it and I’m planning to give it to the cult. Since they wanted their master’s ashes back so badly.”
This person has a death wish.
That’s it.
That’s all it really is.
“Do you find being hunted exciting?”
“Nope. It is, in fact, terrifying. But it’s too funny not to do.”
Literally anyone else would not have done that no matter how funny it sounds.
They see his face and they smirk at him. “Oh come on, don’t tell me you don’t find it funny. See? I saw that little smile. Come on~”
“I’m not.”
“Okay, so you don’t find this funny?”
“No.”
“At all?” They continued to pester.
“Absolutely not.”
“Hm. I thought you’d be more fun based on the AU.”
What the fuck is an ayy-yuu?
“What’s an AU?”
“As Usual. Jokes aside, did you get what you wanted, Mr. Hero? Unless it’s the urn---”
“Hell no.” He quickly regains his composure. “By orders of her Majesties Queen Dawn and Queen Aurora, you are ordered to be escorted to the palace and to inform them of what has happened.”
They whined. “Can’t you do it? ‘M laaaaazyyyyyy!”
“There’s free food.”
“Why didn’t you say that first?! Let’s go!”
How did they even survive this long?
A portal later appears and the idiot jumps into it without thinking.
Link hears them scream and, fearing the worst, he charges in, only to witness them throw the very breakable urn at the unfortunate man’s face.
(Later, they’ll ask what the fuck was in that urn and Link, now Hyrule, would lie -- not technically a lie, really -- and say that those were Ganon’s ashes.
One of them laughs. “No wonder it smelled like shit!”
He laughs so hard, his face turns red.)