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2009.04.06.
The new girl, Kotone Shiomi, had eyes as red as blood and auburn hair like dried autumn leaves. But despite the uncomfortability of her stare, Kotone’s expression conveyed a sense of comfort. Yukari felt… not safe, but relaxed. To be fair, given the proximity of the Dark Hour, Yukari should feel anything but relaxed. That made this girl all the more complex; to get any sense of comfort, let alone from a complete stranger, was not something Yukari had been banking on today.
Beyond the faintest smile that rested against her lips, Kotone’s expression was hard to read. The girl seemed spooked when Yukari first ran into her— but who wouldn’t be if you’re walking around outdoors during the Dark Hour? But that wasn’t the most odd thing given the entire situation: Why was there a new transfer now of all times? How was she able to move around in the Dark Hour? Was it a coincidence that she was transferred to their dorm, or did Mitsuru and Ikutsuki have something planned? These questions, and more, continued to swirl her mind uncontrollably. But whatever the case may be, she had an appearance to keep up, and orders to follow.
“Um… I’m sure you still have other questions, but let’s save them for later, okay? Good night.” Yukari said.
While Yukari was sure that Kotone Shiomi had questions, the statement could be doubly true for herself. But there was no way Yukari would ever admit such a thing to a stranger. Kotone, for her part, sent Yukari off with a short wave, before opening the door to her room. Yukari finished with a short wave herself, before pivoting on her heel and making her way to the stairs.
If there was one thing Yukari knew, it was that Mitsuru-senpai had a lot of explaining to do.
As Yukari stepped down the stairwell, she could spy Mitsuru’s flashy red hair by the window side, staring straight out to the street. Yukari was still new to this whole Persona business. She had no idea the lengths the powers worked, and the exact mechanics it takes to trigger one. But whether Mitsuru was using her tracking ability outside of the Dark Hour, or she was simply showing concern for her wayward teammate, Yukari wasn’t sure.
“Staring out a window won’t make him come back faster. You know how he gets.” Yukari said jovially as she approached the dorm's entrance. Mitsuru glanced behind her shoulder, her gaze of concern washing to that of guarded disinterest the instant her eyes landed on Yukari. Mitsuru was strong, incredibly so. But there was something… off about her. Something Yukari couldn’t put her finger on. It wasn’t enough to be distrustful of the red head, but there always seemed to be something behind her guarded expression.
Guilt, maybe.
The sound of the front doors bursting open nearly made Yukari jump out of her skin, and her hand instinctively fell to her Evoker. But the familiar sight of silver hair set her worries to ease as Akihiko stepped inside the lobby. “Sorry I’m late, I—”
“No need to apologize, I’m just glad you made it back in one piece. Sit down, we have something we need to discuss.” Mitsuru said, directing the man toward the sitting area.
Yukari hated being the newbie. She hated feeling like she was being treated with kid gloves. It also didn’t help that Mitsuru and Akihiko seemed to know each other fairly well, so any conversations involving the three of them left her feeling like a third wheel. But still, Mitsuru gave an order, and Yukari had more than her fair share of questions. Akihiko didn’t seem to question her. He took his orders and made his way to the couch, and Yukari followed suit.
“I do not mean to shock you, but our transfer student moved in today.” Mitsuru said as she took the seat opposite of them.
“The… transfer student? What’s so weird about that? Weren’t we expecting one?” Akihiko asked.
“In a sense, yes. But the timing is… strange, to say the least. She moved in during the Dark Hour.” Mitsuru said. Normally, Mitsuru had been so incredibly poised, but here she seemed unnerved. Yukari would have taken the moment to revel in her shown distress, if not for the fact this affected her too.
“So does that mean she is like us?” Akihiko asked, cutting straight to the heart of the matter. If there was one thing Yukari appreciated about Akihiko, was that he never minced words (even if his mind could be one-tracked at times).
“I… I do not wish to make assumptions, but she may very well be. I don’t know how, but Ikutsuki-san likely knows more…” Mitsuru contemplated, biting her lip ever so slightly.
“Well, that’s a good thing, right? We’ve been a two-man team for so long. With Yukari here and now the new girl, we can finally regain some much-needed fire power.” Akihiko said eagerly.
Yeah, this was the thing Yukari had been unsure about. Even though she’s been part of S.E.E.S. for a little while now, she still had never seen proper combat with a shadow. Of course, Yukari knew how to summon her Persona,, but that didn’t mean she was ready to fight. And if Yukari was feeling this unsure, she couldn’t even imagine how Kotone would feel when she learned of her own potential.
Still, Akihiko was right. At some point she would have to fight. She’d just have to find her strength sooner rather than later.
Mitsuru sighed, her tense shoulders dropping. Whether it be because of Akihiko’s words, or something else entirely, Yukari wasn’t sure. But despite her release, Mitsuru seemed even more guarded than usual. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. While I’m sure Shiomi-san may have the potential, I’m hesitant to place all bets on the case she can awaken a Persona. That’s why I’d like you to monitor her, Takeba.”
“M-me? But why?” Yukari asked with surprise.
“Because you’re the closest in age to her. Besides, it’ll be important for you to get to know her too, on the off chance her potential is realized.” Mitsuru reasoned.
“I… fine. I’ll do it.” Yukari said in defeat. It’s not like it was the worst task imaginable. Besides, even if Kotone doesn’t pan out as a S.E.E.S. team member, Yukari figured a new friend that isn’t involved with archery wouldn’t be a bad deal.
“I think you’re selling the transfer student short. I haven’t met her, but I have a feeling she’ll be strong.” Akihiko said confidently, his normal raspy voice bounding just below a confident declaration.
“Regardless of what we believe, we must wait for Ikutsuki-san to accurately judge. But he’ll be tied up for the next few days given the fact it’s the start of the new semester. For now, all we can do is monitor.” Mitsuru said, glancing back at Yukari.
In that instant, she could feel the weight of expectations placed upon her shoulders, and it was heavy.
“Right…” Yukari whispered softly.
“Takeba, you are dismissed. Get a good night’s rest. Akihiko, I’d like to have a word with you.” Mitsuru said. Yukari knew better than to openly disobey Mitsuru, so without a second thought, she stood from the couch and started to make her way toward the stairwell.
No goodbyes. No gratitude. No apologies for the burden she just placed on Yukari’s shoulders.
No. It was Mitsuru’s expectation that Yukari would complete the task assigned. Whether she wanted to or not, But feelings didn’t matter in this case. All Yukari knew was that she’d have to start the next day by Kotone’s side.
2010.04.12.
The knife slid against the apple’s skin easily, peeling away the red membrane as it fell in a delicate spiral. This had been the third apple, and frankly, it was far more than Yukari ever intended to do for Junpei. But considering the fact he took another fall down the stairs, she figured it was the least she could do.
Glancing at the man, and seeing the way his eyes remained downcast, reminded her of just six months prior. Seeing him fret over Chidori in the hospital every day— she didn’t understand it at the time. But now? Now…
It was fair to say they all had their fair share of experiences regarding hospitals at this point. Truthfully, she figured they should be celebrating that it’s just for a broken leg. Yukari couldn’t help but find it slightly amusing that this was Junpei’s second worst injury since joining S.E.E.S., and it didn’t come at the hands of shadows or the end of the world.
But that’s where any semblance of amusement ended. Being seated here reminded Yukari all too much of their hospital visit just a few weeks ago. They all rushed there as fast as they could, but it proved pointless. By the time they arrived it had been too late, Kotone had…
“What’s with the gloomy expression all of a sudden? Did you forget how to slice apples?” Junpei teased. Yukari glanced up to meet his gaze. She knew what he was doing— he was trying to distract her, to irritate her so she wouldn’t get lost in her own thoughts. It was strange to say, but even Junpei could be considerate and kind when push came to shove.
“Be patient, I’m almost done.” Yukari said shortly, deciding to shift the knife in her hand, cutting into the apple carefully. As stupid as it sounded, doing something as meticulous as this was a good distraction. A distraction from it all, and a part of her was grateful she could dote on Junpei as he laid helplessly in his hospital bed. As soon as Yukari finished slicing the final apple, she stood up and handed the plate to Junpei..
“Never in a million years did I imagine you’d be taking care of me,” Junpei laughed, taking one of the slices and eating it in one bite.
“Yeah, well, we have to take care of one another. Even when you get in the hospital for falling down the stairs.” Yukari teased. If it had been a year ago, maybe Junpei would have reacted defensively, but instead he only smiled and laughed in response. Whatever the case, he seemed to have grown up a little bit.
But maybe a little too much.
His usual light had been dimmed ever since the incident on the November full moon. Sure, it helped that Chidori somehow managed to survive the incident, but her memories of the last few years were all gone. Junpei always kept up a brave face, but Yukari knew him too well at this point. He was hiding pain under his expression, and as he made eye contact with Yukari, part of her wondered if he could read her all the same.
Junpei chuckled to himself as he threw his head back, staring up toward the tiled ceiling. “I wonder if this is how Chidori felt… Maybe I was a little too overboard, with the flowers, and all the visits. But having you here now… it makes me happy to not be alone. I hope it made her happy.” Junpei said endearingly. Yukari wasn’t sure why he was being so unguarded, willing to bare his heart on his sleeve, but she appreciated it all the same.
“Junpei… I’m sure you made her happy.” Yukari whispered. His expression change from a faux smile to that of doubt. It was still hard to talk about Chidori around him, but he was getting better each and every day.
Maybe someday…
“You know, I can’t believe it’s only been a month or so since Mitsuru and Akihiko-senpai graduated. It feels like a lifetime ago.” Junpei muttered softly. He was changing the subject. Understandable. Yukari knew she could roll with this.
“I-I know what you mean.” Yukari spoke softly, glancing toward the open window. “Time really marches on, whether you want it to stop or not. I guess having an extra hour in the day wasn’t completely useless.” Yukari joked. Unfortunately, any other sentiments died on the tip of her tongue.
She glanced back at Junpei, who was looking down at the plate of apple slices in dismay. It didn’t take a genius to guess where his mind trailed. After all, despite graduation being a high note, it was shortly followed by Kotone’s— tears pricked Yukari’s eyes as she shoved the thought away, her grip on the blunt knife handle growing ever so tightly. This was still too raw. Too soon.
“It still feels surreal, ya’ know? It was supposed to be a moment of celebration, but then we had to rush her to the hospital and—”
“I’d rather not think about it.” Yukari said quickly, cutting Junpei off. Junpei opened and closed his mouth, trying to will words into existence, but it seemed nothing worthwhile came to mind as he remained quiet.
As silence filled the air once more, Yukari stepped toward the window, closing it and shutting out the slight spring breeze which filled the room.
“Yuka-tan…You were close with her, right?” Junpei asked. Yukari bit her bottom lip, refusing to turn away from the window. Why? Why was he feeling the need to talk about Kotone? After everything they went through, hadn’t they resolved to not focus on the past? To look forward to the future they had been gifted? To appreciate the answer they found in life? So why— why…?
A soft chuckle escaped Junpei’s lips, probably because he realized she wouldn’t be responding anytime soon. It was enough to get Yukari to look over her shoulder, to ever so slightly meet Junpei’s gaze. “I get it. Trust me, I do. When Chidori saved my life I… My heart shattered in a million pieces. But Chidori sacrificed her life to save me, and Kotone-chan sacrificed herself to save all of us! It would be a waste to—”
Yukari knew Junpei meant well, but comparing their sacrifices only made her blood boil. After all… “It’s not the same! Chidori may have sacrificed herself, but she’s alive now! But Kotone— Kotone, she… She’s gone. She’s gone! She’s gone and there’s nothing that will bring her back! So please, just… drop it.” Yukari said, her voice pleading.
Junpei’s mouth opened and closed like a babbling fish for a second time, and once again he was unable to say anything in response. Yukari could only scoff, her shoes clicking against the hospital floor as she crossed the room.
“I should probably get going. See you later, Junpei.” Yukari said dismissively.
“Wait— you know what day today is, right? All of us were planning on visiting her grave, and while I don’t think I’m getting out of this hospital bed, I think she’d want—”
“I know what she’d want! I know that better than—” Yukari cut herself off as tears threatened to free themselves once more. She stopped, she knew she had to get a control of herself, of her emotions. While Yukari was no stranger to letting her mouth run, she also knew when to constrain herself. This was one of those times.
“Yuka-tan, I—”
“No, it’s— …it’s fine.” Yukari said, gripping onto the handle of the blunt knife ever so tightly. “But I should have expected this from the start.” Yukari said bitterly before leaving the room, as tears finally broke their way through.
2009.06.13.
The mall had been surprisingly quiet for a Saturday afternoon. There had been no one in sight for the last ten minutes as Yukari and Kotone sat by the fountain side. It was almost too eerie given how quiet it had been. Yukari came here to get away from anything related to Mitsuru, but the dead and empty mall didn’t help distract her worried thoughts.
“I’m getting a little hungry. Maybe we can make some food at the dorm?” Yukari asked. After a moment with no response, Yukari finally glanced over to her friend and noticed Kotone had her headphones laced around her ears. Kotone’s eyes were eyes staring off toward the adjacent alleyway, as if her mind was somewhere else entirely. Part of Yukari wanted to snatch one of the headphones from Kotone and listen to what she was listening to, but figured that’d be rude. Still, it didn’t help she didn’t know Kotone’s music tastes, that would have to change.
“Earth to Kotone, are you even listening to me?” Yukari asked, waving a hand in front of Kotone’s face. Finally, some recognition as she blinked a couple of times, lifting the headphones off her ears.
“Sorry, I was spacing out.” Kotone admitted apologetically.
“That much is clear… uh, let’s just go back to the dorm, the mall is a dud.” Yukari said.
“Do we have to?” Kotone said, stopping Yukari in her tracks. “I mean, you’ve been irritable ever since the Full Moon. What’s on your mind?” Kotone asked.
Yukari wasn’t sure if she should be nervous, or laugh from how easy her emotions must be to read. But if there was one thing Kotone proved, was that she was both reliable and tenacious. There was no point in hiding anything from her.
"You’re never one to beat around the bush, are you?” Yukari scoffed as her eyes looked toward the sky. “I’ve asked you this before, but don’t you feel like Mitsuru-senpai is keeping something close to her chest? Something… important?”
“We all have our secrets.” Kotone said dismissively. Now that had been a surprise. After all, despite the short time the two of them knew one another, Yukari figured they already knew everything about the other.
“Define we. Because I’ve been an open book. And I think you are too. Unless…” Yukari smiled teasingly, “... You’re hiding a big secret that I don’t know about.”
Kotone’s normally confident and bubbly demeanor faltered, her eyebrows knitting in contemplation. “I don’t know about a big secret, but I’m sure there’s a thing or two that you don’t know about me.”
“Like what?”
“It’s not important…” Kotone said, immediately backtracking. Well now I want to know.
“Come on, don’t give me that.” Yukari pouted as she rounded to Kotone’s side. “What, do you not trust me?”
“...Fine. But you’ll have to buy me lunch.” Yukari said, giving Kotone a wry smile.
“No, it’s not that.” Kotone said. For a moment Yukari wasn't going to push her further on it. If she didn't want to talk about it then she didn't have to. But then Kotone said “...Fine. But you’ll have to buy me lunch.”
Yukari's interest was already piqued, she wasn't going to turn this one down. “You drive a hard bargain. You’ve got yourself a deal.”
“Just… one more thing.” Kotone warned, sucking in an uneven breath. “If I am going to be super open with you, you have to promise to take this seriously and be open minded. I don’t want our friendship to be ruined because of this.”
"... Don’t I always take you seriously?” Yukari asked. “And besides, there’s nothing you could say that would make me hate you. I promise.”
“I’m not asking — you have to. And… Please don’t freak out. Please.” Kotone said. And while Yukari had no idea where this topic was going, she figured giving Kotone whatever assurance she needed was probably the best move.
“Of course. Give me all you’ve got.” Yukari said, forcing a smile on her lips. But in truth, the seriousness of the conversation was starting to get to her. Yukari figured she had no reason to feel nervous, but she felt uneasy all the same. Still, she had to keep up a strong front — for Kotone.
“Well… Yukari, I —” Kotone’s voice caught in her throat. She squeezed her eyes shut as her lips started moving faster than Yukari thought possible. “ — I like girls! Boys and girls. But uh, girls too. And more than just as friends! If you know what… um… I mean.” Kotone rambled, her cheeks blushing a radiant red.
Bewilderment swirled Yukari’s mind, but in all honesty, Yukari had to suppress the laughter which bubbled from her throat. “Was that supposed to be a secret?” Yukari giggled.
“You told me you’d take it seriously! I’m being serious, I like girls!” Kotone said.
“Oh, I heard — but that’s not a secret.” Yukari teased. “I figured it out in our first week of school. Maybe it’d be hard for the others to tell. But me? Your best friend? No way.” Yukari chuckled dismissively.
“You… knew this whole time?” Kotone sighed in disappointment, before her head perked back up. “Wait, did you just call me your best friend?” Kotone asked.
“Of course, who else do we have, silly?” Yukari asked, nudging Kotone with her elbow. “But seriously. Thank you for telling me, I’m sure it wasn’t easy.” Yukari said earnestly.
“Everything’s easier when you’re around.” Kotone said.
“I—” A deep blush perforated against Yukari’s cheeks “ —You’re a real lady charmer, you know that? I… I’m sure you’ll have no problems finding a girlfriend. If… that’s what you want, I mean.” Yukari said, suddenly unable to maintain eye contact with Kotone’s red hues. Kotone could only laugh.
“Considering I just told you I like girls; yeah, I think I’d like that someday.” Kotone chuckled. “What about you? Got a boyfriend or… anything?”
“You already know how I feel about love. My mom sort of ruined the concept for me, ya know? Chasing after romance feels… gross.” Yukari said dismissively.
Kotone leaned over, cupping Yukari’s chin ever so slightly so the two would be forced to maintain eye contact. Yukari could feel the blood rush to her head as she stared into Kotone’s piercing redeyes. But beyond the cutting stare had been kindness and fondness. It reminded her of… home. Or what home should be.
“What if you didn’t have to chase romance? What if it was right before your eyes, waiting for you?” Kotone asked with a whisper. Alarm bells started to ring in Yukari’s head, and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to push Kotone away or drive closer.
Instead she batted Kotone’s hand away, glancing down toward the concrete floor. “I… I was mocking you earlier, but you really are a lady-charmer. I never imagined you’d be so, uh, forward.” Yukari chuckled, hoping her downward gaze was enough to hide her blushing face.
“Well, I had to try.” Kotone chuckled sheepishly.
That laugh. Those eyes. Her cheery attitude with a fire to fight and standup for her friends. Yukari felt safe when she was next to Kotone, a safety she had never felt in her entire life. But this? This? It was too much for Yukari to process. As much as Yukari didn’t want to cut the moment short, she knew she couldn’t allow herself to stew in uncertainty. She had to figure out her thoughts on her own.
“We— we should get back.” Yukari said shortly.
Whatever jovial expression Kotone had on her face faltered to uncertainty and doubt. “Does… does this change anything? About us, I mean?” Kotone whispered.
Yukari quickly realized that Kotone thought she crossed a line, that she thought she made some horrendous mistake that could never be unamended. With that realization, words started bursting from her lips: “What? No, of course not! Do you know how many times Junpei has tried hitting on me? Come on, you’re my best friend, something like that could never change this. Besides I sort of — I sort of want to get something to eat. Remember, I promised to buy lunch. Let’s go.” Yukari said, standing triumphantly onto her feet once more.
“Since you’re paying you can choose whatever you want.” Kotone said, standing on her own two feet as well.
Yukari couldn’t help but smile brightly. There was an unbridled joy spreading from her heart, and it made her want to jump with joy. She wasn’t sure if she’d ever have this feeling, but standing by Kotone’s side gave her everything she wanted and more. Whatever the future held, Yukari knew she could get through the day as long as Kotone was by her side.
2010.07.20.
The waves lapped at the sandy shores, the tide rolling in higher and higher due to the incessant downpour of rain. Yukari knew the safe thing to do would be to stay inside and dry with everyone else— after all, at best she could get a cold from all this rain, and at worst she could be swept out to sea. But part of her didn’t care. Didn’t care if one, or both, or neither happened.
Yukari just… didn’t care.
It was in stark contrast to everyone else. Ken, Junpei, and Koromaru were playing frisbee on the beach when it was sunny just a few hours ago. Akihiko, Aigis, and Fuuka attempted to barbecue for the first time to poor results, while Mitsuru took to getting as much sun as possible. It was all short lived due to the encroaching storm, but they all had smiles on their faces.
…How?
How could they all be celebrating and happy when just last year…
“You’ll catch a cold if you stay out here for too long.” Mitsuru said as she approached the shore side. Yukari glanced over her shoulder to see Mitsuru standing still underneath the brim of her umbrella. Even in a downpour she somehow managed to look regal and majestic.
“I’ll be fine.” Yukari said, gazing back out to the hazy horizon. An unexpected wry laugh escaped her lips as she watched the tide roll higher and higher on the sandy beach. “Besides, it's a rare summer rain. Who wouldn’t want to be absolutely drenched?”
“Maybe I should make myself clearer— as your host, I demand you come back inside.” Mitsuru said, unbending. Her voice subsided with the pattering of rain against the ocean, the waves endlessly lapping up onto the shore, before subsiding back into the dark waters.
Yukari shivered. Most would figure it’s from the cold and rain, but it wasn’t that. It was from frustration. It was from hopelessness. It was from desperation.
“I… what am I supposed to do?” Yukari finally asked, tears of frustration mixing with the seemingly endless rain. Silence reigned supreme for a moment longer as the rain continued its endless assault.
“You can start by coming inside.” Mitsuru declared.
“No, that’s not—”
“A year ago I sent Shiomi after you. But when you and Shiomi were taking a while, I had Iori follow after. He… told me what he saw that night. I hesitate to speculate on your relationship with her, but you’re thinking of her, aren’t you?” Mitsuru asked. Her footsteps in the wet sand were muffled, but Yukari could hear her approach all the same.
“How could I not be?” Yukari asked with a heavy sigh. “Last year I asked Kotone why reality had to be so harsh. I was so filled with grief that I said some pretty stupid things. But then as the months went by, I learned the real truth of my father, and then we saved the world. And I thought maybe, just maybe, things could work out. But then… she…”
“Grieving is understandable.” Mitsuru said, placing a hand on Yukari’s shoulder. “When my father passed away, I lost sight of everything. I almost lost myself. But Shiomi and the rest of you pulled me back together. We’re quite alike, you and me. We don’t have to go through this alone.” Mitsuru said.
A shaky breath escape Yukari’s lips as her tears continued to roll down her cheeks. “But… Kotone was always there for us. Without her I…” Yukari’s breath hitched as she shut her eyes.
“Shiomi sacrificed herself so we could live today. Is this what she’d want for us? To wallow in pity?” Mitsuru asked.
There it was again, the question of Kotone’s wishes. But they’re all alive right now because of Kotone’s wishes and will. What about everyone else’s wishes? What about her own wishes?
“Kotone was always like the self-sacrificial type. Willing to stake her life on the line for us.” Yukari said dismissively. “It… was the afternoon after our first official date. We were just walking down the Iwatodai Strip Mall, and can you guess what happened? A car almost hit me. But of course Kotone, the ever-self-sacrificial girl, decided to jump in the way.” Yukari chuckled.
“Takeba…”
“I didn’t even notice the car, but she sprang into action before I could even think. The car slammed on its breaks and swerved, but it still bumped into her all the same. She fell to the ground and hurt her hand. I got angry at her for trying to protect me and yelled what were you gonna do if you died! But that didn’t stop her. Kotone could be fiery when she wanted to be. She matched right back and asked so it’s okay if you died? I was a fuming mess at that point, and I said some things I regret. But… it’s still all true. I’m sick and tired of everyone dying around me! And I asked her… I asked her what would I do if you died. I didn’t get an answer then, and I’m still waiting for it now.” Yukari whimpered.
Yukari’s eyes trained on the ocean as silence swept back in like the everlasting cycle of waves. The tide was now strong enough to reach Yukari, and a part of her wondered how long she’d have to wait for it to sweep her out into the sea. To sweep her out of sight from everyone around her.
The hand on her shoulder tightened as rainfall ceased to land on her. It was enough to get Yukari to look up toward the sky— and where the sky once was had been replaced by a black void made of cloth. She glanced behind her shoulder once more and noticed that Mitsuru was now completely exposed to the elements, rain drenching her hair and clothes.
“S-senpai, you’re getting wet, what’re you doing?!” Yukari yelled in surprise.
“I… cannot understand the loss of romantic love. But as someone who has lost my parents, We’re somewhat alike in that regard, so I can only imagine I understand a little of what you’re feeling. No one can fill the void of loss, but your heart makes room for others. You are not alone, Takeba, and as long as you’ll let me and the others in, I’ll always be by your side.” Mitsuru declared.
Yukari shifted and stood up, now facing Mitsuru with so many doubts in her mind. “I… I’m sorry, senpai. I know you lost your father late last year as well. It’s selfish of me to—”
“No. I went through a similar bout of doubt and uncertainty. But it was Shiomi who said those words to me, and helped me out of that hole. Even though she’s gone, she’s still helping us. Helping you.” Mitsuru assured.
“Her… words? Kotone, I… sorry, senpai, you’re right. What am I doing? Let’s go inside.” Yukari said, still trying her best to organize all her thoughts.
“I’m no longer your senpai. But besides that, we’re in this together, and we will always be. That’s the future Shiomi ensured for us.” Mitsuru said, extending her free hand.
Yukari couldn’t help but smile— while Kotone was gone, Mitsuru was right. Her will carried on within all of them. “Thank you, Mitsuru-san.” Yukari smiled, finally taking hold of the umbrella. Yukari’s eyes glanced up towards the raining heavens, and thought Thank you too, Kotone.
2009.10.19.
Despite the autumn leaves decorating the streets of Iwatodai, the weather felt cold and dreary like that of winter. The cold breeze felt as if it cut right through her skin, and suddenly Yukari found herself wishing she wore more layers. But that didn’t matter, all she needed to do was get back to the dorm and she’d be fine.
There was something eerily quiet about the path she walked home. It almost felt like everybody, and everything was trying to avoid her. All the other S.E.E.S. members seemed to be busy today, which was fine. They still had half a month until the Full Moon, and until that time they were more than free to spend their time as they wished.
Yukari bounded up the front steps of the dorm and tried to turn the doorknob…
Strange.
The door was locked. The dorm typically had its front door locked after the Dark Hour, but it was still the middle of the day. It was a good thing they all kept spare keys on their person, but it felt weird all the same. Who would lock up the dorms, and why?
“Surprise!” had been the first thing she heard as soon as the doors creaked open. The sudden sound was enough to make Yukari jump out of her skin, but as her eyes adjusted to the lack of light in doors, she realized who it was: every member of S.E.E.S. “Happy Birthday!” they cheered.
“Happy— what?” Yukari asked, eyes wide. Surely this had to be some prank or bad joke. But as she looked around, she saw everyone having, or forcing, a smile on their face, with Fuuka holding cake platter in her hands.
This was… real.
“So stunned you can’t even respond?” Mitsuru chuckled. “Shiomi let us know that your birthday was approaching, and since we’re closing in on the final shadows, I figured it was only natural that we—” But before Mitsuru could finish her long-winded sentence, Yukari pushed her way through the crowd of friends.
“You shouldn’t have done anything.” Yukari said bitterly, before running up the stairs.
Yukari slammed her door as soon as she reached her room, immediately cuddling against her pillow. She hated how she reacted. She hated that she brushed them off after they did something so kind. But she hated surprises, and she hated her birthday even more.
*KNOCK KNOCK*
The sound startled Yukari, but in hindsight she figured she should have expected someone to follow. “Can I come in?” A voice rang from the door. It was undoubtedly Kotone, and while that was the one person she’d be willing to talk to, how could she show herself in this state?
“Yes.” Yukari said after a brief moment, burrowing her face into a pillow once more. The door creaked open, but Yukari didn’t dare peek. She instead stayed put as the footsteps encroached in her room, up until she could feel her bed indent. Two strong arms wrapped themselves around her, and suddenly a warmth flooded her.
“Do you want to tell me what that was about?” Kotone whispered softly.
“...No.” Yukari mumbled, keeping her face planted firmly into the pillow.
“Okay. Well, I’ll be here until you feel like opening up.” Kotone hummed, rocking the two of them slightly back and forth.
“Ugh, fine.” Yukari said, shifting against Kotone’s embrace enough to be freed from it. “None of you did anything wrong, I just don’t celebrate my birthday at all.”
Kotone stared at Yukari in complete disbelief. “I don’t think you run through your friends like they’re shadows, especially if it’s because you don’t celebrate your birthday. What’s really going on?” Kotone asked. There was her dry wit once again, but Yukari knew she couldn’t lie, not in a situation like this.
“Well… to tell the truth, I can’t remember much from when my father was alive. But I do remember my last birthday party, and he was able to make it. But ever since he died, it’s like my mom forgot about me. So I sort of grew up without any birthday celebrations. But I know I overreacted; you all deserve better. I’m sorry.” Yukari admitted.
In an unexpected movement, Yukari felt Kotone’s lips graze her forehead. A swarm of comfort, happiness, shock, surprise, and light-headedness enveloped Yukari in the moment, and it was almost enough to make her faint on the spot.
“K-Kotone!” Yukari stuttered out.
“What? Isn’t this what couples should do?” Kotone giggled softly, putting a little distance between the two of them.
“I—I don’t know! I’ve never dated anyone before!” Yukari said in embarrassment. She refused to make eye contact, in some desperate hope that it would hide her blushing face. Given Kotone’s chuckle, she figured it didn’t do its job.
“Well, do you want me to sit with you for a little longer, or do you want me to grab your gift?” Kotone asked.
“Wait— gift? Kotone, please tell me you didn’t— Oh come on, you didn’t need to do that.” Yukari said.
“Of course I did, you’re my girlfriend, after all.” Kotone said with the most comforting smile Yukari had ever seen. The gaze of her red eyes cut through any of Yukari’s embarrassing feelings, and in that moment she realized that Kotone loved her. Truly loved her. Yukari truthfully had no idea what she was doing, just stumbling everywhere she went, but she at least knew she needed this. Needed her.
“I—I… Kotone, you make me at a loss for words. You know how hard it is to do that? I’ll sometimes just ramble all my problems to you and you’ll still happily stand by my side. I just… don’t understand.” Yukari said honestly.
“You’re beating around the bush. Do you want your gift or not?” Kotone asked teasingly.
“Look, I might not be the brightest, or the quickest when it comes to this… dating stuff. But I just realized— I love you, Kotone. You are always so kind, considerate, and patient. It may have taken me a while, but— Seriously, what did I do to deserve you?” Yukari asked pleadingly.
“I should be asking the same thing.” Kotone said with a dry chuckle. “You were the first one to talk to me when I moved in. You were the one to show me around the school on my first day. Every time I needed help, you were always there ready to assist. Without you, I wouldn’t be here now.” Kotone whispered, her face drawing slightly closer.
“You do know most of that was on Mitsuru-senpai’s orders, right?” Yukari whispered back as the distance continued to shorten.
“Does it matter? You still did it.” Kotone replied shortly, her breath bounding against Yukari’s lips.
“When you put it like that…” Yukari trailed off as her lips finally collided with Kotone’s.
No other words were needed.
2010.12.08.
With the first flakes of snow hitting the windowsill, Yukari was confident in calling it officially Winter. While it took time, Yukari had finally gotten used to her new living quarters and roommate, but the lack of insulation and heat was finally getting to her. Yukari shivered under a fluffy pink sweater, doing her best to stay warm
“What’s the matter, Yukari? You look… uncomfortable.” Aigis said from across the room. It startled Yukari, but after the brief moment she was able to present a faux smile to replace her solemn expression. “Oh, it’s nothing. I’m just a little cold is all.” Yukari insisted.
“Cold… I know in situations like this, many residents in Iwatodai purchase a… kotatsu. Would you like me to—”
“No, it’s okay Aigis-chan. I’ll just make do. Thanks for the offer, though.” Yukari said with a half-smile.
“Oh… well, if I am of needed assistance, do not hesitate to ask.” Aigis said softly. A silence dredged between them as it typically did. While Yukari was happy to have the roommate, it sometimes got a little awkward between the two for… well, obvious reasons. But upon closer inspection, it looked as if Aigis had been the one troubled.
“I suppose you could say that. Indeed. I am still finding life… a surprise. My answer, my resolve… I find it difficult to see it every day, but I hold it close. Because of her. Because of Kotone Shiomi.” Aigis said. Most of the former S.E.E.S. members knew not to invoke Kotone’s name around Yukari, but Aigis was the exception. For Yukari had to admit, Kotone was Aigis’ world as much as Yukari’s. To have lost her was… hard.
“I… I agree. It was hard for me to see at times, but I think I’ve made my peace with it.” Yukari said, unsure if she truly believed her own sentiment.
“Is… that so? I have seen the others visit her gravestone many times. But you—”
“Okay, I’m not that ready. Not yet.” Yukari said exhaustedly.
“I understand the grief you experienced. I know you… loved her. I am… also regretful to say I haven’t been completely forthcoming.” Aigis said. That perked Yukari’s ears in her direction.
“What do you mean?” Yukari asked.
Aigis looked down, almost in shame, before her cold blue eyes locked with Yukari’s. “When Kotone was… fading, she was fatigued. I could tell her life energy had been fading, and yet she still forced herself to keep her promise. That strength had been unparalleled. But what surprised me had been her final words. As her eyes were closing she only spoke your name, Yukari. I don’t know how conscious she was, but… she wanted you by her side. I am glad you showed up in those final moments, no matter how brief they were.”
“Kotone…” Yukari whispered softly, tears now pricking at the corners of her eyes. “I never asked. I was too scared, but… was she— was Kotone in pain when she passed?” Yukari asked.
“No. She seemed tired, but she was not in pain.”
A wave of relief washed over Yukari, and with a deep breath she could feel every tense muscle in her body relax. “I… I see. Thank you, Aigis. It means a lot. I’m glad you were there for her when the rest of us couldn’t be.” Yukari said.
“Of course. I am glad you were there as well.” With what seemed to be a deep breath, Aigis stood up and started to make her way to the door. “If you do not mind, I am going to visit a friend. You are more than welcome to come too, if you want.” Aigis offered.
Yukari knew where Aigis was going, and as much as Yukari wanted to be ready, she just wasn’t. Not yet.
“Go on without me. I’ll let you know when I’m ready.” Yukari stated with a faux smile. Aigis looked unassured toward Yukari before giving her a smile back, “I am glad that out of everyone from S.E.E.S., you are my roommate.” With that, Aigis made her exit.
“Thank you, Aigis.” Yukari said under her breath, turning back toward the snow-filled windowsill.
2010.01.30.
By all accounts, Yukari should be freezing cold. It was deep in the drenches of winter, with temperatures lower than they ever had been. But cuddled in bed, with her girlfriends arms wrapped around her, made even the coldest days bearable.
Truth be told, even the weather stood no chance against the dread of what they had to face. Death incarnate. A concept baked into life itself. How were they supposed to rise against such a monumental adversary? Yukari didn’t have a single answer, but nuzzling into her girlfriends neck provided her at least the slightest bit of comfort.
“Are you comfy in there?” Kotone joked as she brushed her fingers through Yukari’s hair.
“Let me enjoy the moment.” Yukari pouted, refusing to push away. “Besides, tomorrow’s going to be a long day…” Yukari whispered softly.
“It is.” Kotone responded plainly. It was impossible to avoid the elephant in the room. They were all destined to die, and this final mission would be absolute suicide. Under normal circumstances it would make sense to be discouraged, but they all made their choice when they spared Ryoji, so the least they could do is brave their final stand and let the world take whatever course it needs.
“You know, I was so scared for so long… I mean, the world might end tomorrow. But we chose to spare Ryoji’s life, so we’re not going to give up. Right? We’re going to fight until the bitter end.” Yukari said.
“It’s the only thing we can do.” Kotone said, continuing to brush her fingers through Yukari’s hair.
“Just, make me a promise. Okay?” Yukari asked.
“Mhmm?” Kotone hummed drowsily.
“You’re the one connected to this whole mess. To Ryoji, and death… or Nyx, or whatever you want to call it. But… whatever that means, it doesn’t change anything. Not between us, okay?” Yukari whispered.
“Where is this all coming from?” Kotone asked, finally putting at least a little distance between the two of them.
“I just… I just want us all to make it out. I know the odds are impossible, I know this death thing is impossible to defeat, but still…”
“You’re overthinking things again.” Kotone teased.
“It’s literally the end of the world and you’re saying I’m overthinking things?” Yukari complained. “I just want you to stay by my side. Is that too much to ask for?”
Kotone chuckled, pulling Yukari close. “Don’t worry. We’ll beat this thing. I’ll be here for you the day after, and the day after that.” Kotone whispered sweetly, brushing through her hair once more.
“You better keep it.” Yukari grumbled, nuzzling ever closer to Kotone.
2011.03.05.
A gusty wind blew through the cemetery as the setting sun fell below the mountaintops. With a heavy breath, Yukari bent down and placed the bundle of pink roses in front of the tombstone.
“Do you remember the day when we first went to the flower shop downtown? You told me your favorite type of flowers were roses, and I thought it sounded so incredibly mature for someone your age. But when I came across this bundle of roses I knew I had to get it for you. So… here you go.” Yukari said.
Yukari forced a smile on her face as she brushed some dead leaves away from the tombstone. “… I’m sorry it’s taken me so long. I’m a bit of an idiot I’ll admit, but better late than never!” Yukari admitted with a soft chuckle. “Look at me, on the verge of tears while you’re working so hard to protect this world from utter disaster. You must be so disappointed that I’m feeling this way, huh?”
With another deep breath, Yukari opened her eyes and glanced back down to the gravestone.
“It’s funny, now that I look at it. You’ve been out of my life longer than I knew you for, but this void in my heart… it… well, Mitsuru-senpai gave me some advice on that front. No worries, I’ll never replace you. That would be impossible. After all, you’re always here… you promised me.” Yukari smiled softly as the tears finally broke free. “Everyone has been living their lives to the fullest since you left us. We’re doing our best to make use of the life you’ve gifted us. I may have been a little slow on the uptake, but I’m here now. So I hope you’ll forgive me.”
Yukari’s eyes glanced over the tombstone one final time, taking in the first date. It made her feel stupid in a lot of ways, and a little remorseful of what could have been. “It looks like I missed your birthday twice. You were in a coma after saving me from the shadow, and then you… well, it doesn’t matter. You taught me my life was worth celebrating; I just wish I could be with you to celebrate yours. But I’ll be here next year. And the next year. And the year after that. I promise.” Yukari smiled.
She looked over her shoulder and saw a group of familiar faces by the tree-lining. They were by no means being secretive, but it was endearing all the same. “We’re being watched.” Yukari chuckled, turning back toward the tombstone. “The two of us both lost our parents, and part of that made me feel like it was us against the world, you know? But I’m not alone. There are so many people who support me, and it’s all thanks to you. Without you, this world would be… I… Thank you. That’s all I can say. Thank you so much for everything, Kotone. You’ll always be a part of my heart, forever and always.”
Yukari kneeled once more, lightly kissing her left hand, then pressing her left hand against the headstone. After a moment she stood up, taking one final look at the inscribed text upon the gravestone.
Kotone Shiomi
1992.04.12.
2010.03.05.
The sun.
It feels so warm.
The spring breeze feels nice too.
But my body… it feels numb.
And cold.
And tired.
So… tired.
The sun is too bright. I…
I can’t feel anything.
Aigis’ voice is fading too.
Is it too late…?
Did I… fail to keep my promise?
I wanted to see them all again.
One last time.
You too, Yukari.
Did I fail that too?
…There are footsteps. A lot of them.
Is… is it…?
I don’t know.
I can’t open my eyes.
I can’t hear them.
…
Is it raining?
…
… No… It’s not.
I can’t hear them.
I can’t feel them.
But I know they’re here.
I’m sorry I couldn’t stay.
But I’m glad you all remembered.
I kept my promise.
I’m here.