Chapter Text
Fresh off getting the hell out of Edensin and buying their old trailer back, The Dude and Champ were just driving along the desert highway a portal opened in front of them and suddenly sent them to a different location. scanning around their surroundings the Dude noticed that the sign has Japanese letters on it.
"Geez Champ I didn't expect this to happen. It's like an all-powerful deity is out to fuck with us" "Woof"
The Dude, however, noticed something wrong with Champ, he looked like back when he first got him. and as soon he looked at a reflection of himself in the puddle he recoiled in horror at the revelation.
"Oh my God! I'm back to my shittier younger self! and Champ you're a puppy! And why Do I look like I came from one of Uncle Dave's anime and hentai collections?" "Woof!" Cham barked at his master. "look, as much as I love seeing you being adorable this is a huge problem. I can't legally drink or stay out late at night, and who the hell would accept a middle school dropout like me when it comes to hiring? oh well, I guess we would have to rely on stealing now huh boy?" "Woof!" (Just picture Sasori from naruto with a trenchcoat and Shades)
The Dude then took out his trusty map and realized it was a new one it says. "A Map for Tokyo" and a red circle saying Home and School.
"Wait I have a home? and apparently, I go to high school now too. Oh well at least we have a home and having an education doesn't hurt. Come on champ let's head home." "Woof!"
After 30 minutes of walking, The Dude and his trusty pal Champ finally reached their place it was a run-in-the-mill apartment from a typical anime show. The dude then opened the door and was greeted with a couch, a kitchen, a TV, a fridge, and 2 rooms, not to mention the place is slightly bigger than he imagined. "Wow looks like our luck is finally beginning to turn around huh Champ?" "Woof! Woof!" as soon as he said that he heard the doorbell ring and as soon as he opened it, he was greeted by an old woman.
"You haven't paid your rent in a month!" The dude recoiled due to how loud her voice is. and how the hell is he seeing subtitles as she speaks? oh well, nothing he can do about that right now. "Excuse me but who are you?" The old woman looked like she was gonna murder the shit out of him and, piss on his corpse after what he said to her. "YOU HAVE THE GALL TO ASK WHO I AM?! YOU USELESS FREELOADER! I HAVE GIVEN YOU 2 MONTHS TO PAY YOUR RENT AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T GIVEN ME A SINGLE YEN!! YOU HAVE A WEEK TO PAY YOUR RENT OR YOU ARE GONNA LIVE IN THE STREETS YOU HEAR?!"
The old woman who is apparently his landlady slammed the door in his face. "Well fuck me in the asshole with a shovel, how the hell am I gonna pay our rent now?" oh well, considering tomorrow is a school day I suppose we should just sleep this day off head to school, and find a job tomorrow preferably somewhere that doesn't require picking up cats and dog's on the street alright time to hit the hay boy we have a lot to do tomorrow!" The Dude and Champ then dozed off together in their couch. The Dude is awoken by Champ barking indicating he is hungry, he then groggily woke up and opened up a can of dog food which whatever reason was on his cabinet the author was merciful enough to put food on the fridge and cabinet.
After feeding Champ, he then went to his bedroom which only consisted of a bed, a desk with a lamp, and a small closet. he then opened the closet and took out a high school uniform. he looked at the flimsy black school jacket and scoffed at it before throwing it out the window. he then put on his uniform which consisted of A white long-sleeved shirt, black pants, a belt, his black boots, and of course, his iconic black trenchcoat and glasses, with the latter magically appearing inside the closet. "Damn I look good! now time for me to get this over with let's see..." The dude then took out his map and started writing his chores.
"First Go To School. Hmm, what else... Oh! I should find myself work so I can still have a roof over my head better find myself a job." Weirdly enough he was used to doing 3 chores a day ah what the hell why is he complaining less the chores the better.
After 20 minutes of walking, he comes across a train station he looked at his map and it says the train's route is where his school is. "Oh man, I gotta take a leak!" The dude then high-tailed to the bathroom and opened the last stall which surprisingly had a shovel and 2 crack pipes sitting on the toilet floor. he then picked both up and put them in the infinite void known as his pocket. after doing his deed he then boarded the train and much to his dismay, he is forced to stand the whole way throughout his journey.
after 10 minutes of standing and 5 minutes of walking. he finally reached the place where his school is safe to say it was huge. he then noticed a guy with dark hair being escorted by what he assumed was Yakuza judging by the car and how the men look. he then shrugged and followed the flock of students to wherever they were going and noticed they have to walk through a huge gated fence with another green-colored gate on the right side which he found appalling.
"What fucking moron designed this place? oh well, at least this place isn't batshit insane for once"
The dude thought. however, as soon as he finished his sentence a blonde girl carrying a piece of toast on his mouse went fucking flying and kneed the boy in the face knocking the poor boy down and, sending the locket he was twirling around flying which landed on his feet. The dude then picked it up and looked at it. it seems that it has a keyhole in it; probably something important inside. he then put it in his pocket deciding to keep it for himself. "Oh well, finders keepers" "Sorry! I'm in a hurry!" the blonde yelled before speeding up leaving both of them behind. The dude then shook his head and headed to his room leaving the poor boy on the floor. the dude finally reached the school's interior and found his classroom. However, he decides to explore a bit going around rooms and finding the janitor's closet and found a hatchet and catnip inside and took it for himself. and after a few minutes of wandering the place, he finally entered the classroom and found everyone looking at him weirdly. apparently, a guy with a trenchcoat and glasses is weird to them he then took a seat behind the guy who got assaulted by the blonde earlier. after a few minutes of nothing their teacher finally entered the classroom and told them two new transfer students are gonna be their new classmates. which he assumed that he is one of the transfer students considering he just arrived in this world a day ago.
"Ok, class! I'd like to introduce you all to our new transfer students! come in front both of you!" The dude then stood up and went in front of the class.
The door then opened which revealed the blonde from earlier. and as soon as she walked in the entire room went silent and stared at her. She then introduced herself to the class. "Hello Everybody! I'm Kirisaki Chitoge. I just moved here from America. My mom's Japanese and my dad's American, so I'm biracial.
But as you can see, I speak Japanese just fine, so please don't hesitate to talk to me!" The class then erupted with cheers most of them complementing her looks.
Thank you miss Kirisaki now, how about you please introduce yourself to your classmates? The dude then cleared his throat and opened his mouth, "My Names Dude just Dude. I also come from America, nice to meet you all oh, and if you have questions about yours truly please ask" a hand was raised and it came from a boy with dirty blonde hair. "Dude san I have a question, do you always wear sunglasses?" "Yeah, why? do I look bad?" The blonde shook his head and smiled "No I'm just wondering what you look like without them" The dude took his sunglasses which resulted in most of the girls in the classroom cheering in delight. "Oh my gosh, he's good-looking!" "And Tall too!" "That voice is so hot!" Most of the boys however gave him death glares probably because they are jealous of how he looked.
The dude shook his head and put his glasses back on. he since has vowed not to get into relationships again ever since he blew up his bitch of a wife in hell. not wanting to experience being verbally abused again. The teacher then instructed Chitoge to go to the vacant seat in the back and The dude to return to his previous seat, however, Chitoge and The Boy suddenly yelled and pointed fingers at each other.
"You're that" "That Barbaric Girl!" the class wondered if these two have met before. The dude stopped in his tracks and stared at the two teens. "Oh Great what the fuck is this supposed to be this time?" "Hey who are you calling barbaric?" "You nailed me with your knee in the courtyard remember?" The class looked at both of them in confusion while the dude was tapping his foot slowly losing patience as he waits for them to finish whatever bickering they have.
"Well I apologized, didn't I? I barely bumped into you, so quit pretending it hurt, will you?" Raku raised both of his hands after hearing Chitoge's statement "What do you mean, barely? I nearly blacked out!" "Oh, did you? you should get checked for low blood pressure! I'm apologizing if you haven't noticed! So why don't you let it go and stop being a crybaby?" "In what world is that an apology?!" Raku then held his breath and yelled, "Monkey girl!" A vein grew on Chitoge's forehead "Who are you calling monkey girl?!" Chitoge then struck the boy in the face so hard Raku was sent spinning in the air.
The dude found himself shaking his head. just as he thought that he is gonna have a normal life in school he would probably have to deal with these two every day. Not to mention, he is seated behind the blonde with all the bullshittery that is happening. He decided to just sleep the entire morning period off.
Later.
"Why should I help you find it?" " Well, I lost it because of your thunderous knee, so you're partially at fault here, too. I keep thinking it over, and that's the only time it could've happened!" "Well, there goes my nap" The dude was awoken by another screaming match between the two. he stretched his body and yawned and looked around he then noticed another girl has entered the fray.
"What's the matter, Ichijou-kun?" The dude took a good look at the girl and came to a conclusion "Damn she's cute"
"Onodera... Well, I just lost something important." The boy who is apparently Ichijou explained to the girl. "You did? Can I help?" "Oh, no! It's her fault that I lost it, so it goes without saying that she should help." Ichijou declined her offer. "What did you say?" The boy gave her a glare which caused her to step back. "So, what kind of pendant are we looking for? " Chitoge asked.
"The chain's about this long, and there's a lock shaped like this on the end..." Ichijou explained to the girl. he even drew the shape of the pendant in the air. Onodera was surprised at the boy's description of the amulet. surely that's gonna be a plot point somewhere down the line right? "Isn't that..." "You've seen it somewhere?" The boy asked Onodera. "Oh, sorry. I could be mistaken... Probably..." Onodera blushed.
"Fine. If I help you look for the pendant, will you promise not to talk to me in school—ever again?" The boy was taken aback by her demand. "I can't stand guys who get worked up about every little thing. I'd hate for anyone to think I was friends with such a petty guy." Chitoge says. The dude having listened enough, decided to smoke his "Health pipe" the trio witnessed what he was doing and stood there in dumbfounded.
"Wait did he just smoke a crack pipe?! I swear it's looked like one of those things some of the guys smoked at my home!" The boy exclaimed looking dumbfounded by the transfer student's lack of decency or why the hell is he smoking drugs on the school grounds." The boy thought to himself. "Did he, did he just smoke?! unbelievable!" Chitoge clearly disapproves of The dude's behavior. Onodera silently stared at him clearly disapproving of such behavior but she is too timid to tell the Intimidating boy to stop smoking.
Just then their homeroom teacher peered right out of the classroom door. "Oh, right, I forgot to tell you something, Ichijou. I'm putting you in charge of helping Kirisaki and Dude adjust to their new school, so I've decided to let her help you..." The shot changes with The Dude Ichijou and Chitoge standing in the place where they keep the animals. "take care of the school's pets. Thanks a bunch!" "Why is this happening to me!" The boy exclaimed clearly not happy being stuck with the Violent girl. "Hey, you promised not to talk to me, remember?" "You think we can accomplish anything without speaking to each other? Besides, we're not actually in school." The boy said as he goes in another direction. "Oh, spare me," Chitoge says as she heads to the Opposite Direction
The dude stretched his arms and scratched his ass and went in the boy's direction. "Alright let's see, It would be a disaster in the making if I work with these two bozos. I better get the hell outta here" The dude then explored the area a bit with him coming across a garden shear and another health pipe before B lining to the back of the school to take a piss.
The dude found a vacant space with no one around he then unzipped his pants and started doing the biz. "Now the flowers will grow" suddenly The dude heard footsteps coming from his back. "Hey, you! what the hell are you doing on our turf?!" The dude zipped his pants up and turned to look around and saw 4 students wearing the typical delinquent outfit. "Ya think ya can just piss on our territory?!" "Hold up, you're a transferee aren't ya gaijin?" The leader who is the biggest grinned like a maniac and concocted a brutal plan. "Hey, why don't we teach this punk gaijin some manners hows that sound?" The 3 agreed and cheered. The dude however was unfazed. "Alright let's get this over with"
The first and second Delinquents charged at The dude and swung their fists at The dude however he sidestepped and kicked the first delinquent in the side knocking him to the ground "ACK why you!" the second one charged another one but a fist was buried unto his nose breaking it and drawing blood and knocking his ass to the ground.
"Look this is fucking embarrassing I suggest we just forget this and move on," The dude says clearly sick of their shit. however, it's met with deaf ears with the Group once again charging at the dude however, his patience was already shattered, and pulled out the garden sheers and charged at the group.
He dodged a kick and proceeded to cut the bastard's right femoral artery off forcing him to the ground screaming in pain. the three delinquents just stood in shock before they can process what happened to their friend, The dude then decapitated The 2nd delinquent squirting copious amount of blood on the Dude.
"Oh my god, he killed Junichiro! let's get the fuck out of here!" before the 2 can escape the dude threw his garden sheers at the other delinquent's head piercing through his skull and brain. before taking out his Hatchet and striking the last delinquent on his back making him scream in pain. The delinquent then crawled on the ground crying and desperately trying to escape The dude. The dude has different plans however, he hacked his legs off one by one drawing more blood-curdling screams from the Delinquent before pissing on his head and decapitating him. "Shwing!" The dude then plucked the garden sheers out of the other Dead delinquent's head. "Well shit, how am I gonna dispose of the corpses?"
The dude looks around and saw a gas can and picked it up. He then poured the contents inside the can on their remains and set them ablaze with the match he has in his pocket. "Mmmm Smells like chicken" The dude then hightailed out of the school. After an unsuccessful job search, he went home fed Champ, and went to bed hoping tomorrow would be better.
Day 2:
The Dude found it surprising that despite the news reporting that a Bonyari High School groundskeeper found 4 mutilated remains in the back of their school they still allow students to resume classes but, he wished the school is closed not only because his crack addiction broke but also.
"What fucking moron designed this?!" The Dude is having frustrating thoughts because he is currently struggling with the Japanese subject. look, seeing subtitles are good and all but having to learn the language is a huge pain in the ass considering he dropped out of middle school. he spent the rest of the class suppressing the urge to off himself with a grenade and taking everyone in the room with him. as soon as the period ended he immediately bolted to the canteen before the lines get even longer.
Deciding to save money The Dude decided to just get the school's free food which consists of Salt crackers and Bottled Water he plopped himself in a Vacant table and began eating his painfully mediocre meal thinking how the hell he is gonna get a Job in this fucking place.
"Hey is this seat taken?" He looked up at saw 3 People it was that Ichijou kid from yesterday, The blonde guy who asked him about his sunglasses, a nerdy-looking girl, and Onodera. The dude found himself staring at them for a few seconds before answering. "Nope, all alone over here. feel free to take a seat if you guys want to"
"Thank you Dude-san" The dude just smiled and nodded in response. "No problem, anyone who doesn't mildly inconvenience me is a friend" The trio took a seat with The blonde Nerdy girl and The Ichijou taking the front seats Leaving Onodera to sit right next to The Dude.
"So I wonder what are your names?" The dude asked the trio. "I'm Ichijou Raku Nice to meet you" The black-haired boy beamed, "Maiko Shu, certified casanova!" "No you're not Idiot" The Nerdy girl called him out. "Name's Miyamoto Ruri, Please ignore that idiot over there" The dude chuckled in response. "If you say so~"
"My Name is Kosaki, Kosaki Onodera nice to meet you Dude san" The girl bowed. The Trio found themselves discussing random things teens would discuss which, The Dude barely kept up he's been an adult for most of his life so it's hard to relate to them. "So, Is your name really just dude?" Shu asked. "Yep just Dude, I don't know why but my parents for some reason forgot to give me a name, so I just went with the family name" "What kind of parents are they to forget to give their son a name?" Ruri asked genuinely baffled by how he had no first name. "Dad is a dickhead anyways so It was to be expected"
The Dude then turned to Raku. "How bout you, Raku Oh, before I forget sorry about leaving you alone with Blondy yesterday. Let's just say I had an emergency and had to rush home." "Oh it's no problem, we managed to complete the tasks somehow, It's my fault for not immediately talking to you I apologize." "Nah, It's cool Raku, Say what do you guys do when classes are over?" "Oh, I just go home and cook" Raku replied. "I Just go home and Jerk Oo-" Before Shu can finish his sentence Ruri elbowed him. "Shut up you pervert. No one wants to know that" "Anyways, I just go home" Ruri replied. "I run a sweet's shop with my Mother and Sister. so me and my sister tend to help her when we go home" Onodera replied. "Custom orders are frequent and I have to help deliver them but, Mom says she's going to hire a courier to deliver the sweets instead of us so we won't get strained all the time" Onodera revealed.
The dude's eyes lit up through his sunglasses. "I'm In!" Onodera blinked a couple of times. "W-what" "Look I'm really tight on cash right now and, I have 6 days before I get evicted due to not paying rent for 2 months" "Wait? so you're saying you are gonna get evicted" "Uh huh" "What about your parents? do they provide you as any parent would?" Raku asked with a concerned voice.
"No, as a matter of fact, I don't have parents let's say were seperated" "That's horrible dude san. no one should live like that" Onodera gave him a concerned look. "I'll call mom and tell her about you, hopefully, we can help you Dude san" The dude smiled at the girl's generosity. "Geez, thanks" "Hey if you are in trouble, feel free to bother us ok?" Raku told the dude as the trio of friends nodded. "If you say so" The bell then rang indicating that the next period is up. as they prepare to leave Raku tapped The dude's shoulder with a notebook. "Hey, Dude san" "Yeah?" "I saw you struggle with Japanese class so here have some of my notes" Raku handed over some notes to The Dude who graciously took them. "Thanks, Ya know it's kinda refreshing that someone wants to help you without ulterior motives for once" "Eh?" Raku looked at him with a confused expression. "Forget what I said" The dude and his newfound friends then walked to their next class.
Day 3 Gym
The Dude had changed to the school’s gym outfit and was forced to abandon his beloved trenchcoat much to his chagrin. however, his luck is starting to turn for the better as Onorder informed him that starting tomorrow he will be their delivery boy officially scratching off his longest chore yet. But for now, he just has to endure an hour of sweat and horny boys.
The dude found himself sitting with Raku and Shu. "Yo, Raku. When did you and Kirisaki-san get so close?" "Huh? What gave you that idea?" "Probably because everyone sees you two together all the time like a couple" The dude chimed in. "Yeah like Dude said. Plus you have that thing after school. And to top it off, your conversations have that friendly vibe going on." friendly? How is she friendly to me?" "Look, Kirisaki-san's a knockout babe, you know? A lot of guys are curious about her. Like, why'd she choose this school of all places? Or why'd she move at such an odd time? Stuff like that." Shu explained to his friend. "A knockout? That thing?!"
"A knockout alright, knocked Raku's ass out with a punch" The dude and Shu shared a laugh and high-fived each other. much to Raku's chagrin. Chitoge then started doing some gymnast shit and landed perfectly causing the class to cheer her on. "She turns more ape-like by the second" "You got that right, probably lived with them too" The dude snickered. as soon as The dude Raku finished what he was saying a dumbbell was thrown at them, hitting both Raku and The Dude at the face. Chitoge also chucked two barrels at them with both of them managing to dodge in time. "What are you doing?" Raku yelled at her. "See if I ever help you again! and you! who the hell do you think you are?! for you're information I live with civilized people!" Chitoge threatened the boys. "I said I was sorry!" Raku begged.
The Dude, however, was having none of it and took his shovel out from his pocket, ready to bury the bitch where he stood. Shun noticed this and was horrified. "Oh my god Dude! Dude! calm down!" Shun tried to hold the dude in place but to no avail. The dude easily broke free and charged at her with murderous intent however he is tackled by 9 different people trying to calm him down before he can bash her brains into the ground.
Day 3
It was a normal day for The dude attending class, getting yelled at for accidentally drawing dicks on the chalkboard when asked to solve a formula, snooping around the school finding a few weapons and 3 health pipes all is good but, The dude has one more thing to do actually start doing his new job.
Kosaki has informed him that her mother has accepted him as their courier and could start working either later afternoon or; tomorrow afternoon The dude chose to work this afternoon knowing he needs to start piling cash if he and champ wanted to have a bed to sleep on.
Afternoon
After being dismissed by his Teacher The dude hightailed to the address Kosaki gave him but not before throwing The Necklace, he found it in the path that he usually enters the school after failing to pawn it a day earlier. after a train ride and a little bit of walking The Dude finally reached his destination. "Onodera Japanese Sweets Confections. So this is the place" The dude slid the door open and was greeted by an Older woman who looked like his classmate. "Oh! You must be Kosaki's classmate Dude. Nice to meet you my name is Onodera Nanako" The woman bowed with The dude following suit. "Nice to meet you ma'am say, where are the packages that I'm gonna have to deliver?" Nanako plopped 4 boxes on the counter. "Ok so, I have two customers ordering 2 birthday cakes coincidentally both of them are for twins, and about the pay don't worry once you'll return from delivering the cakes you'll get paid" "Noted" "Oh! I almost forgot" Nanako dug into her pockets and handed him the address of the customers. "Oh, and if I hear a single complaint from any customer consider yourself cut from the Job. I want you to give it your best ya hear me?" The dude gulped knowing how shitty his luck when it comes to errands is he will have to be extra careful with this one. "Of course Maam, You can count on me" Nanako smiled. "Good, now get going those cakes ain't delivering by themselves" The dude then bid farewell and started his Job.
The dude then scribble on his map "Deliver cakes" and then circled the places where the customers are on his map.
After 10 minutes of walking the dude realized it's not optimal to carry around 2 large boxes of cakes when walking especially since the contents are fragile.
"Fuck me, it's an accident waiting to happen if I keep carrying the cakes like this" after a couple of seconds of walking the dude came across a handy tool he used back in edensin.
The Dude then sat on the scooter and "safely" plopped the boxes of cakes on his slap before turning the scooter on and speeding towards the location of the first customer. The first one was an 8-minute drive. The dude managed to deliver the first two boxes safely. The customer in question was a family of 4 and they were celebrating their twin daughters' 10th birthday. The dude received the payment and drove off to the next destination. "And one down. say, It's weird nothing happened yet no crazy homicidal group out to ruin my day? I guess this world is better than mine, to say the least".
Near the destination, the dude accidentally dented a fancy car along the way and parked the scooter near it. After delivering the final two boxes The dude was now ready to travel back to the Sweet's shop to receive his pay. he was suddenly stopped by a group of 10 men with fancy purple suits. and before he knew what was going on he was thrown to the ground face-first.
"Ow, jeez what did I ever do to you" The muscular one presumably the leader growled and kicked him in the ribs making The dude groan in pain. "You are asking what you did you fucking jackass?! you dented one of our expensive rides! do you know how expensive repairs are for a car of that caliber?" "I don't know probably a ton I don't know" The Muscular man angrier than ever, kicked him in the face. "DO YOU KNOW WHO WE ARE?!" The dude has an uninterested look on his face. "As far as I can tell no sorry" "This bastard doesn't know who we are! We're Part of the Kokkuītā Yakuza clan, and I'm the highest-ranked lieutenant you fucking worm".
The dude just shrugged. "Nope, still don't know what a Cock Eater clan is" "That's it! consider yourself dead jackass!" The muscular man drew his Pistol at the dude but The dude equipped his hatchet and hacked the man's left leg off causing him to scream in pain and fall to the floor. "AAAAAA! MY FUCKING LEG! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ASSHOLES DOING WASTE THAT ASSHOLE!".
The dude then got up and tanked the bullet wounds he received and drove the hatchet to the head of the first armed Yakuza he saw splitting it in two. he then picked up the fallen yakuza's pistol and opened fire on three of them, hitting 2 in the dome and dropping both with ease. And hit the other hit the third unlucky one in the groin causing him to fall and whimper on the ground. but the dude shot him in the head twice ending him he then picked up some pistol magazines and another pistol and started dual-wielding John Wu style. and proceed to unload everything in the magazine to the four yakuza killing them. after running out of ammo he then charged with his shovel and drove it to another yakuza's cranium killing him. he was tackled by another thug but he turned him around resulting in him getting shot by his comrade. the last yakuza standing cursed as the dude whacked his kneecaps with his shovel completely breaking it and causing him to scream in pain.
The screams of pain were masked by The dude caving his skull in with 3 bashes from his shovel killing him. he then turned to the leader who was bleeding due to his legs being cut earlier. "You! you fucking asshole! you're dead! once my superiors hear this you're a dead ma-AUAAUWAAWUUUHGHAUWA" He was interrupted by The dude urinating on his face. The dude then equipped the gas can and started pouring gas on the man. "No! No! wait! please! don't! I beg you! I'll get you whatever you want hell I'll forget what I threatened you earlier please FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO!" The dude shrugged and threw a lit match at him causing the man to combust and burn, causing him to scream in pain. as he slowly burned to death. "Mmmm, Slow roasted goodness". The dude then picked up the fallen thugs' weapons and kept them for himself.
The dude took out his map and crossed off the "Deliver cakes chore". but not before listing Yakuza as the first of many hate groups he will have to deal with. "Guess It doesn't take a genius to know what will happen when I cross paths with them next time."
Unknown to The dude one of the members of The Shuei clan one of the Kokkuītā clan's rival clans saw what transpired. "Holy fucking shit! Ya saw what that kid did to those cock suckers?!" One of them exclaimed. "Hell yeah! he went shwing, then bang bang bang, then whack! he even peed on that bastard's mouth before burning him! HAHAHAHAHA!" one of the serious ones rolled his eyes at his friend's antics. "Ok ok, enough should we tell Ryu-san about what happened?" "Of course! the cocksuckers are now weakened with the loss of their highest-ranked lieutenant. it's also a relief considering those bee hive fucks are also at war with us. now that one clan is weaker we can take advantage and ease the pressure" "Right! alright, let's get the hell outta here before the cops arrive" the men then left the scene ready to tell their second in command about the events.
The dude arrived at the Onidera Japanese sweets confections after the small skirmish and slid the door open. "Did you manage to deliver the cakes?" The dude turned and faced his boss Nanako. "Yep, and it was all perfect. here's the cash" The dude hands over the money causing Nanako to smile at him. "Well, I'm glad nothing happened to you or the cake during the delivery. here's the payment" The dude receives 10k yen from her and stuffed it in his pocket, if he doesn't mindlessly spend his paycheck he can easily pay his rent in time.
"Ya know, I didn't expect another boy to catch Kosaki's interest besides Ichijou. I can see why~ Don't worry, I approve of you and my daughter if you two ever go out I know you're a good kid Dude-san" Nanako winked at The dude however, just stared at her blankly. "Uhm, okay? anyways thanks for the generous payday" The dude then left the store and traveled back to his apartment.
Shortly after the dude left Kosaki and her little sister Haru arrived from school and greeted their mother. "Hello mom! did dude-san come?" "Huh? Whose Dude-san? who the heck names their child Dude?" Asked Haru "Eh, his parents forgot to give him a first name so he just went with his last name" "Jeez that's sad" Haru then wen't to her room to do some assignments. Nanako smiled at her daughters. "Yes he did, in fact, he did a flawless job and I already planned on making him our full-time courier" Kosaki beamed in delight due to her friend getting a sustainable job and hugged her mom. "Thank you so much mom!" Nanako returned the hug. "Honestly I didn't know you can be interested in two boys at once Kosaki" Kosaki's face began to turn red. "Eh?! No, No, It's just I want to help a friend in need that's all1" Nanako sported a smug look on her face. "I can see why you like him Tall Handsome can do the job and is polite too" "Mom!" Kosaki yelled clearly flustered. "Hey, it's ok to like two boys at once. dating two, however, is a no-no" "Mom! stooop!" Nanako laughed at her daughter's reaction. "Geez, I was just joking around!" Kosaki then excused herself to her room to spare herself from her mother's teasing.
2 days later
It was just a usual day in school with The dude trying not to blow his brains off due to how boring class is thankfully final period has wrapped up and the dude prepared to head home considering there were no orders to be delivered today he came across Raku at the exit gate who waved at him.
"Dude-san!" The dude waved back and approached his classmate. "Hey Raku what do you have in mind?" "Well, I've been meaning to ask you to come with me to my place. Just to hang out and all" "Sure, why not. would be rude not to accept a friend's invite." The dude says. "alright, my driver is gonna be here anytime now follow me" The dude followed Raku to his car and sat with him in the back they exchanged topics, From The dude's job as a courier for Kosaki's sweet shop and Raku's pendant they finally reached their destination. The dude looked in awe at Raku's home it looked like one of those traditional Japanese houses that emperors used to live in.
A group of men then suddenly greeted Raku. "WELCOME HOME YOUNG MASTER!" The dude was taken aback by this. I mean who wouldn't be when a bunch of scary-looking men just came in front of you and said you're their young master? "Ah! dammit, not in front of my guest guys!" "Sorry about that young master. say who's th-" The yakuza's eyes widened, realizing it was the guy who brutally murdered the Kokkuītā clan henchmen and their lieutenant. "Holy shit, it's him!" Raku raised his eyebrow. and wondered did his guys meet The dude before? "Ok, Ok, explain to yourselves why you guys are getting worked up by my friend?" Raku asked them one of the Yakuza's stepped up. "Ya see young master, this man just brutally murdered one of the rival clan's lieutenants and henchmen singlehandedly!" Raku looked at them with disbelief "Alright first of all one, that's bs Dude-san looks like he never harms anyone! second, Dude-san has a Job after school therefore he doesn't have time to fight whoever!" "Bu-but young master we-" "Enough! I will not have you guys just go around making my guest uncomfortable. jeez guys, I invite a friend over and you just straight up accuse him of something he never will ever do!" All of the men bowed their heads for forgiveness. "WE'RE SORRY YOUNG MASTER AND DUDE-SAN" The dude found it amusing that Raku has this much of a grip on them. "It's ok Raku, I forgive them" Raku nodded and signaled the group to leave
The two then headed to Raku's room to hang out. Raku took a deep breath and explained to the dude his situation. "Wait, you're heir to the biggest Yakuza clan in Japan?" "Yep, Sorry about them Dude-san. they can get rowdy especially around me" Raku scratched the back of his head while apologizing. "Nah it's cool besides, I promise not to tell anyone else" Raku smiled. "Thank's Dude-san. I was wondering what was life in your place in America like?" The dude chuckled. "Alright, I lived in Arizona Paradise. most of my childhood consisted of beatings from Dad and neglect standard sob story, I eventually learned how to fend for myself hell, I even learned how to shoot guns. anyways, Mom and Dad kicked the bucket after crossing the wrong people. and my uncle Dave manage to get me here to Japan before anything can be done to me" The dude lied naturally as he breathed though, some of it is true.
Raku looked at his friend with pity he didn't know how hard his friend's life is. "Oh, It must've been hard for you to experience all of that at a young age" The dude just shrugged. "Eh, I got used to it I just move forward with life ya know, hope for the better" Raku found it pretty touching that His friend found a way to cope with the trauma. "Hey, like I said before. if you want someone to vent your problems Me Shu Kosaki-san and Ruri are there" The dude smiled for the first time someone actually willing to be friends with him, unlike his previous world.
Raku heard a knocking on the door. "Young Master! The boss wants to talk to ya and bring your friend too" The dude and Raku looked at each other. "Say, what does a Yakuza leader want with me?" Raku looked concerned for his friend. "I-I don't know it's best not to keep him waiting. come on Dude-san" The two then got up and went downstairs to a dimly lit room with a demon statue standing. There is Ryuu his father's second in command and a fat guy in purple. And finally, the boss who looked like an old man. Raku and The dude then sat on the floor awaiting what Raku's dad has to say. "What's going on, Dad? This is pretty sudden. I told you we have important matters to discuss, remember?" "Oh, yeah I forgot you told me that days ago, and what does my friend have to do with this?" "Oh, we'll talk about him later" The camera pans to the dude scratching his ass.
"I'm sure you know about our recent skirmishes with that other gang, but it looks like we're headed towards all-out war." Raku's father revealed. Raku stood up in shock. "What? Are we gonna be okay if war breaks out?" "Which brings up my next point!" Raku's father then stood up and faced The boys. "Actually, the boss of the other gang is an old friend of mine. And I hear he's got a daughter the same age as you" "And so, Raku, my boy. I was wondering if you'd mind becoming an item with that girl?" "Huh?!" Raku stood there in shock" "Oh, come on. All you have to do is fake it. If the heirs of each gang are in love, the young guns would put an end to their squabbling" The dude started to space out just looking around the room until he hear someone call his name. "Hey, you're Raku's friend right?" The dude turned to face Raku's father.
"Yes sir" "I heard about your skirmish with one of our rival Yakza families. and I'm impressed that you managed to not only hold your own but kill all attackers" Raku's eyes widened like saucers he knew his father wasn't a liar so could it be? "I mean, I was just defending myself it's no big deal" "Wait, wait! you killed them?!" "Hey like I said self-defense. I accidentally dented their car during my delivery job and they threw me to the ground and kicked me repeatedly" Raku couldn't wrap his head around the revelation.
"W-were you ok at least?" The dude gave him a thumbs-up. "Yep, don't worry about me" "Are you sure? they hold grudges Dude-san it would be dangerous for you to go out there" The dude chuckled in response. "Like I said I'll be fine I dealt with those types back in America" Raku's father then turned to the dude. "I have an offer for you" The dude raised his eyebrow. "What kind of offer?" "Something that only a fool would reject. I want you to be Raku's bodyguard" Raku's jaw dropped at the offer. "What's In it for me?" The dude responded.
"For one, consider your apartment rent-free for as long as you are Raku's bodyguard. second, you get the same luxuries Raku gets whether it be bodyguards or anything for free as long as the business establishment is owned and run by us. lastly, Raku might get himself in trouble and I expect a good friend of his like you to pull him out when it trouble comes. Shu may be a good boy but it would be hard-pressed of him to hold off a rival gang or another attacker," The dude thought of this and came to a decision. "I'll take it" Raku's father smiled at The dude's answer. "Good, starting tomorrow you will be guarding Raku you already know what happens if you fail" The dude gulped and nodded. "Noted"
Raku just stood there in disbelief and sighed. He knows at least that his bodyguard is a known friend of his. Raku's father then mentally slapped himself forgetting to do one thing that is important. "Oh, how stupid of me, we have guests that arrived today all right you can come in now!" "What, she's already here?!" "Well there's nothing we can do, and it's supposed to be an act, anyways, It'll be probably over in a couple of days, " Raku thought. The dude got up and went to Raku's side and patted him on the shoulder. "You got this champ" Raku nodded. However, fate decided to fuck with him due to his association with The dude.
"I told you! It's not like I've decided to go through with it yet!" "Yeah, but I hear he's quite the stud, you know?" "What? No, no, even still!" Raku looked like his world had ended. The dude scratched the back of his head. he was sure he heard that shrill voice before. "I'm sure you'll make it out alive Raku" The dude patted him on the back but, Raku still had that shocked expression. "Now, then. This young lady is going to be your girlfriend." Raku's father then opened the curtain and Revealed The blonde Ape, the woman The dude tried to put on the ground days before and, Raku's worst nightmare. Both Raku and Chitoge had a look of horror. as it was revealed who their dates are going be. "This young lady here is Miss Kirisaki Chitoge. Starting tomorrow, you two are going to be girlfriend and boyfriend, for the next three years."The dude just sighed and muttered one of his go-to quotes when something unexpected happens. "You've got to be fucking kidding"