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Many months ago, Cas left Dean on that deserted road and went to live with Donna and Jody. They happily took him in and they let him hunt with the girls. Turns out the Winchesters had been onto something when they had had the help of the angel.
Cas was an open book however he would never talk about the reasons he left the bunker. He got stiff whenever anyone brought up Dean, however he was fine to talk about Sam. He just wouldn’t talk about Dean. So they never did.
Cas enjoyed being close to Claire and learning about her life. They had grown quite close. Now they were more like father and daughter and less like an angel possessing a dead father meatsuit and a dead father’s daughter. Cas and Claire often went out together. It had been weird for them at first but now they had a nice, happy relationship.
Cas enjoyed watching her grow up and seeing her in a relationship with Kaia. He loved how happy she looked whenever Kaia would return from a hunt. He wanted for her what he could not have: a happy relationship. He didn’t want Claire to end up like him. He knew how painful it was for him to walk away from Dean and he never wanted his daughter to go through that.
______
“Cas, can you come here for a second?” Jody asked from the kitchen.
“Yes of course,” Cas said, walking in.
“Ok, so you know how me and Donna have Sunday dinners once a month with the Winchesters, however for the past few times they have been on hunts and we’ve been too busy?” Cas nodded, knowing where this was going. “Well, tonight we are having dinner and both Sam and Dean are coming. I know something went down between you and Dean and I understand if you don’t want to come but I think Claire would love it if you were there,” Jody said, holding her breath.
“I would like to come to support Claire. I think it would be good for me, it might be some closure.”
“Perfect then. Care to help me finish with food? Just until Donna comes home,” Jody said.
“Sure.”
Cas got started washing up potatoes, the whole time he was thinking about Dean. He wasn’t nervous to see Dean, he was actually quite excited to see Dean. He couldn’t wait to show the human how much happier he was. Cas finished the potatoes just as Donna got home.
“Perfect timing dear,” Jody said, kissing Donna’s cheek. “Cas, hun, you can go get ready and remind the girls.”
Cas nodded and left. He went and reminded the girls that Sam and Dean would be coming soon and then went to his room to get ready. He didn’t want to be too dressed up but he also didn’t want to look like his break up with Dean had ruined him. He threw on his navy blue slacks and a nice white button up that was rolled up a little above his elbows. He debated wearing a tie but decided against it, knowing Claire would say it was too much, too single gay dad trying to seduce someone. He walked out of his room and closed the door. He heard voices coming from the living room and was able to instantly pick out Dean’s. That gravitas was something that would always be drilled into his mind.
He took a deep breath, put on a smile, and headed out there.
“Cas, glad you can join us,” Donna teased him. Jody poured him a glass of wine and handed it to him. Cas took it, smiling at the teasing. He looked around for an empty seat and saw the only one was next to Dean. He begrudgingly sat down, not paying any attention to Dean. He refused to acknowledge the man that hurt him beyond what words could express. He wanted to show the hunter that he had moved on.
“So, how’s it been here Cas?” Dean asked nervously.
“Good, I’ve enjoyed watching the girls and hanging out with Donna and Jody,” Cas said, taking a sip of his wine. “How have things been in the bunker?”
“Quiet,” Dean said. He wanted to say more. He wanted to spout apologies, show how much he’d changed, that he wasn’t seeing the girls any longer, that he was in therapy. That he missed Cas. That he loved Cas.
“We miss having you around. Do you plan on coming home soon?” Sam asked, finally speaking up.
“Oh I don’t think I ever will. It just doesn’t seem to be my home anymore,” Cas said. The room fell silent.
“Well, you’ll always be welcome here,” Jody said, moving the bottle of wine. “Dean, why don’t you come help me in the kitchen?”
“Sure thing, Jody,” Dean said, rising to his feet. He followed Jody to the kitchen like a duckling following his mother. Once they were in the kitchen, the interrogation began.
“What happened between you and Cas? He won’t look you in your eye, he won’t talk about you. What did you do?” Jody asked, her voice hushed.
“What makes you think I did something?” Dean asked. Jody sent him a death glare. “Fine, I’ll tell you. About 6 months into it all, I got scared. That he was gonna pack up and leave me. So I started going on solo hunts, solo bar visits, solo ‘walks’. I would disappear when it all felt too heavy and then when I came back, I would shower Cas in love and adoration. And that’s how it went for a while. I thought I could keep it secret but I guess he caught on. One night, he walked into the bar and caught me red handed. I had my arm around this girl and I could tell he knew.”
“DEAN! I thought I had taught you better! If Bobby was alive, I would tell him to whoop your ass. I might do it myself,” Jody whisper-yelled.
“I know, I know. I left the place about 15 minutes after him. He had Carrie Underwood-ed baby. I ran home and met him on the street. He told me things that I needed to hear. He taught me a lesson, a hard one that I needed to learn. He taught me that you can cheat in love, that all’s not fair in love and war. So I started going to therapy once a week, I go to AA meetings on Wednesdays and I’ve even changed my diet. I’ve changed for him. I haven’t slept with anyone since the night he left.”
“Dean… I don’t know what to say. Yes you’ve changed but what you did to Cas might not be able to be undone. He has also changed. You need to know that before you go into this thinking that you can get him back easily. If you don’t think about that, then you may never get him back. I need you to think about that. However, he has done quite a bit of moping about. Even if you can’t get him back, you need to talk. I’ll trap you two in a room if I must. You two are talking,” Jody said, threatening Dean with a spoon.
“Alright, I promise. I’ll talk to him,” Dean said, raising his arms in defense. Jody eyed him but said nothing.
The rest of the night was fine, Cas would even go so far as to say fun. Dinner was nice and he made sure Donna and Jody were thanked. Cas’s mood changed drastically when it was time for dishes to be done. Typically Cas did them and occasionally one of the girls helped him. However, Jody had said that either Sam or Dean helped. (Un)luckily, Claire said she needed help with something on her computer and she’d been wanting to talk to Sam about it. That left Dean with Cas. Dean gave the angel a small smile, Cas gave the hunter a less than pleasant look.
Dean followed Cas in the kitchen, both of their hands full. After they cleared the table, Cas started warming up water for dishes. He pulled out his phone and pulled up a playlist. The first song up was ‘Two Black Cadillacs’.
“Cas,” Dean began. Cas turned the song up louder. “Cas,” Dean said, a bit louder. Cas pretended not to hear him. Dean sighed. Cas was really gonna make him do this. Dean got down on his knees carefully. “Oh Castiel, I pray to thee. Please hear my prayer and answer me,” Dean said, eyes closed hands, hands together.
“Do you know how weird it is for someone to pray to you right in front of you? Get up,” Cas said.
“Please Cas, just hear me out,” Dean pleaded.
“Fine,” Cas said through gritted teeth.
“I got scared. And so I ran. I tried to push it away by drinking and cheating but that didn’t work. After you left, I decided that I shouldn’t pity myself for a situation I put myself in. So I got better. I threw all of the alcohol away, Sam got a bit mad at me for that, I started exercising with Sam, reading self-help books, and going to therapy. I even joined a local Alcoholics Anonymous. And at first I did it because I was angry and wanted to show you up but then I started feeling better and I realized I was doing it for you. Not just to get you back but it’s because I think it’s what you would have wanted for me. I got scared and I’m sorry,” Dean said.
“No.”
“No?”
“No you don’t get to come in here and say you’re a changed man. I won’t let you. You can’t just come waltzing in here because you think you’re so much better than me!”
“Cas, that’s not it,” Dean said, reaching for Cas’s arm. The angel pulled away. “I just wanted to let you know that I’m not that Dean anymore. I see how fucked up what I did to you was and I don’t want to be that way anymore. I’m… trying. This is me trying.”
“No that can’t be true.”
“Why?”
“Because that would mean that I’m…”
“You’re what?”
It was all too much. Dean was being too soft, too sweet. Cas wasn’t used to this. He was used to the anger, the ever-boiling pot that was Dean Winchester. Not this soft man that made Cas feel loved. This man would make love peaceful and Cas didn’t deserve that. Cas did the only thing he could think of, he picked up the nearest plate and threw it at the nearest wall. Dean luckily ducked and covered the soft parts of his body and head. Cas picked up another plate and threw it.
“Cas!” Dean yelled. Cas didn’t stop. This time it was a bowl, next was a cake plate, then a platter. Cas just kept going, showing no signs of stopping anytime soon. “CAS!” Dean shouted again.
Cas finally stopped. His breathing was ragged and his chest was heaving. Dean gently reached out and touched Cas. The angel didn’t flinch, so Dean moved closer. “Just take some deep breaths. It’ll all be ok. I promise. Just breathe.” Jody came in and took one look at the kitchen before she turned to Dean and Cas.
“Oh Cas-” Dean cut her off.
“Can you clean this please? I’ll take care of Cas,” Dean said, leading Cas out of the kitchen.
“If I didn’t love you, I would be so mad at you,” Jody said.
Dean led Cas to the porch to get some air. Cas sunk into one of the chairs and Dean sat down next to him.
“I’m sorry Dean,” Cas said.
“It’s ok Cas. I didn’t deserve you then and I don’t know if I deserve you now. But I’m trying,” Dean said, reaching for Cas’s hand.
“Dean?”
“Yes?”
“If I said that I still loved you, what would you do?”
“I would wonder what the hell I did to deserve someone as good as you and then tell you I love you too.”
Cas moved out of his chair and in front of Dean, the angel was almost kneeling. “Dean…”
“I know Cas, I know.”
Cas captured Dean's lips, but it wasn’t a bruising kiss. It was soft and gentle and healing. Cas leaned into and hoped that Dean understood that he was forgiven. That there was no one else Cas would want to stay right next to. Dean hoped Cas got his apology, that Dean was so sorry and that he promised to continue and change.
Cas pulled away first. “I still love you,” he said.
“I love you too. I never stopped.”