Work Text:
His Robotic Smile
We stand here, a robotic smile on his face and a forced upward turn of my lips, putting on a show. We shake hands and greet our families with obligatory cheer. There’s love pouring out all around us both but we can only focus on the lack thereof inside us. His arm is around my waist and his eyes are shallowly looking into mine, as if I’m apart of his imagination. I give him the glare he so well deserves. We act our empty hearts out, mingling with our people until our cheeks are hurting and our throats are dry. He and I thought we’d be as far away as we could get on this night but it seems we are as unlucky as we feel. A day we’re all told is worth celebrating, our 10th wedding anniversary.
Over zealous displays of ivory anniversary banners lining the walls, as gold and white balloon arches litter this obnoxiously elegant building. Everyone has begun to sit down at our tables topped with enough candlelight and enthusiastic centerpieces to burn down this entire restaurant and all of us In it, here’s hoping. I frantically grab my glass of champagne and nearly down the entire glass but I get a shoulder nudge from my dear husband, which causes me to roll my eyes and unfortunately, put my glass back down on the table. He always has to have his way, why would tonight be any different. I give him a sarcastic smile. He shakes his head, sighing at my childishness. There’s too much time being spent together, I can’t stand it and neither can he.
Two hours have gone by and we’ve almost survived until the very end. Our arms are around each others backs, wishing well to all the people leaving for the night. Hopefully to not be seen anytime soon. My mother giving me a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek before she leaves to go home. His father, gray hair and eyes like his, so blue they’re almost see through, comes to say a disconnected goodbye, neither of us think is genuine. The only thing we can agree on. His mother, with a beautiful regal hairdo of her warm brown hair, has her arm settled on his father’s arm. She gives her son a warm smile and a hand, surprisingly, on both of our cheeks. I can see the morose understanding on her face and the pain in her blue eyes. She looks at us both with a sadness that brings tears to my own eyes and makes Loki take a strangled deep breath in. A reality everyone is going to have to get used to now, including us. A life loved and lost.
Loki opens my car door for me and I give him a short smile in return. A gentleman to his very last breath. We thought taking the same car would quell our families suspicions. He climbs into his cars driver seat, Jaguar symbol appearing on the dashboard in front of us. The black sleek interior suits him well. I remember the day he bought this car, he had an innocent glee about him that was completely infectious. I look over to him now and all I see is desolation.
The car ride is silent, apart from the blinkers and the windshield wipers activating as it starts to rain. We avoid glancing at each other, fearful of the emotions it will inevitably bring. We’re almost to my apartment, I can’t help but wish for more time. I can see his eyebrows furrow and hands tighten on the steering wheel. The amount of pain within us both, feels like a tsunami drowning us slowly.
We arrive at outside my apartment and as I take off my seatbelt, He turns the car off and we sit it in a tense silence that neither of us are willing to break. My lip starts to quiver and my eyes start to water as the rain pelts the entire car. I can’t help but sob at what I have to do right now. I finally turn my head to look at him and I see he has tears rolling down his pale cheeks as well. I feel my cracked heart finally break into pieces. How did we end up like this? I thought we had it all. We were both too blinded by love to accept what was already real.
We stay staring at each other from our car seats, just taking our last anniversary moments together. He goes to grab both my hands across the divider and I let him take it, settling our hands on top. With tears falling with the rain, hands amassed warmth being so intertwined, I surrender. I lean forward to kiss him and he relinquishes his lips to mine. It's a soft kiss, one that promises nothing but tells so much. It lasts for no longer than three seconds, but we cherish it like it will last forever.
I let go of his hands and I open the car door, quickly putting on my black rain jacket I left in his car. I close the door and he rolls down the window, neither of us caring about the frigid rain. It seems as if time is frozen, experiencing a moment we will never forget.
Are we doing the right thing, I can’t help but think. We’re different when we’re with each other but we’ve changed for the better without each other. It seems so, I suppose.
I walk around the front of his car, stepping onto the sidewalk, about to open the door to my apartment, when Loki speaks.
“I love you.”
My heart nearly glues itself back together but I go to crush it yet again.
“I love you too.” I say as I turn back around and put my key in my door, opening it and welcoming the suffocating loneliness I will now have to get used to.