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Carlisle was hot on the trail of a polar bear in the far northern regions of Nunavut. It was something he rarely allowed himself, but he was on vacation in between hospitals and decided to take some extended time for himself. Even the best cell networks had spotty reception where he was, at best, but he kept it on him no matter what, so that his family could at least have a chance of reaching him. He knew they would primarily rely on Alice knowing when to call if the need came up, that she could tell him to run to somewhere with reliable service for when they discovered the why. If it weren’t for her, he found out later on that today would have ended in disaster.
Carlisle nearly never let his eyes turn completely black, far too afraid of what could happen if he let himself get too thirsty. But for this vacation, not only did he let himself but it was a key part of it. He knew now that no matter how thirsty he was, he could run from the scent of human blood, but that was the only reason he allowed himself the chance. His first taste of blood had been absolutely divine, and most of that reason had been the severity of his thirst. He’d been up here for a few months now, staying somewhere every few days to keep his phone charged as necessary, but that was all. As the thirst got worse, he began letting himself into locked buildings devoid of people late at night. Now though, now it was time. He hadn’t fed for months and he was hot on the trail of his favorite animal. The one he was chasing was dying, he could smell it. He would be doing it a kindness, before something far less merciful than himself happened upon it.
It was in his sights when his cell phone trilled. Even for Carlisle, it was hard to stop the chase to answer, and he considered ignoring it. Ultimately, though, he answered. He knew he always would.
“Yes Alice?” He responded gruffly.
“Forks, Bella, run!” She screeched.
That was all he needed to hear. He snapped the phone closed, turned southwest and tore off as fast as he could. He held his breath, preventing himself from getting distracted. He knew Alice would call him again later on, when he had a reliable connection. He cursed the fact that he hadn’t had just two more minutes to feed, so that he wouldn’t be the thirstiest he’d been in a century when he found her. Alice would tell him if he had the time to feed before he got there. The urgency in her voice made him suspect that the answer was no.
Carlisle did some quick mental math. Pushing himself to his absolute limit, he would make it there in just under seven hours. He could only pray it would be enough. He hoped desperately he was wrong, given the state of thirst he was in, but he suspected there was some life threatening danger that meant he would have to change Bella. He couldn’t think of any other reason Alice would have jumped straight to calling him, over anyone else.
It was three hours later when Alice called him, and he took his first breath since her last call.
“Do I have time to feed?” He asked her immediately.
There was a split second pause. “No,” she told him. “She has an aortic aneurysm Carlisle, it’s going to rupture today. As it is, you’ll barely make it in time. If you stop to feed, it’ll rupture before you get there and her heart will stop. She’s going to be at home with Charlie. It’s going to rupture at… 8:48. You’re going to get there at 8:42.”
“Thanks Alice. Do I…” He didn’t even want to complete the thought, he couldn’t fathom it.
“I only see it when you question yourself,” Alice answered him.
“Shit,” he muttered.
“You can do it Carlisle, I know you can. I didn’t see it until you asked me.”
“Okay,” he assured. Thank you.”
He hung up and held his breath again, checked the time. He would get there in just under four hours. He would have to find a way to reassure Charlie in such a way that would keep him from interrupting, and then bite Bella in time for the venom to reach the aneurysm before it ruptured. Just then, a text trilled in from Alice. He checked it. Bite her neck, then directly below the sternum, just off the bottom side of the heart.
It was 8:41 when he hit the outskirts of Forks, and exactly 8:42 when he turned the Swan residence front door to splinters. Both Charlie and Bella jumped, and Carlisle froze in place before he took the first breath. It punched him hard, harder than it had in two centuries, but he still felt controlled, he didn’t feel drawn to attacking. He had to believe that would stay the same when he had her blood on his teeth.
“Carlisle?” Bella asked carefully. She sounded empty, like she thought she was hallucinating. What had she been through, since they left?
“What the hell …” Charlie began. Carlisle started there, appearing in front of him and no doubt scaring him, but he hid it well. He was a good cop with incredible resolve. Carlisle admired him for it.
“Chief Swan, I know you’re suspicious and I know you’re going to have a million questions, and I’ll be able to answer all of them later but I simply do not have the time right now. I got a call from Alice earlier, Bella has an aneurysm that’s going to rupture in five minutes. There’s only one thing I can do to save her life. At least, if she still wants it.”
With those words, he turned and stepped instantly to where Bella was still reclined on the couch. Her appearance was ragged, but her eyes were bright. He could hear the wall of her artery beginning to give way.
“Carlisle,” Bella started, bringing her hand to the side of his face, “Your eyes are black , you never let yourself get this thirsty.” Bless her, she sounded genuinely concerned for him. “Why?”
He smiled at her, closed his eyes and leaned unconsciously into her hand. “I’ll answer that later, after ,” he intoned meaningfully. “At least, if you still wish to join us. If you don’t, I’ll stay with you until… until. There’s nothing else that can be done, it’s too late. It’s either this or it ruptures and you die. If that is what you choose, I can promise it will be incredibly quick.”
“Change me,” she answered instantly. “Please change me. I want… it. I want it, and I don’t want to die.”
“You remember it will hurt?” He asked her. “Within the first minute, you will be begging for death. I need to know you understand that.”
“I know,” She reassured. “When I say that, ignore me.”
“Lay down,” he instructed her. She followed his instruction carefully and he braced her torso as she did. Another flash of movement and he was holding his body over hers, with an inch of space in between them as he supported himself. She turned her face toward the back of the couch to bare her neck and swept her hair out of the way, a clear offering. He held his breath, focused on the steady thrum of her heart to ground him, and let his teeth sink into the blissful, perfect, erotic ivory of her skin. The taste erupted into his mouth like a volcano, his throat exploded into flame and the monster inside him snarled desperately. Carlisle chained it back, pulled Bella’s shirt up and bit again, deeper and harder into the flesh directly above the aneurysm about to burst. The flavor here was darker, richer so close to the source and nearly impossible to resist, in the state he was in. Nearly, nearly… but he managed it.
Carlisle wrenched himself away, launching himself across the room in the process. He landed in a crouch, snarling against his instincts. He ripped his shirt off and spat into it repeatedly, until nothing but the taste of his own venom remained. He darted to the sink and wrenched the lighter out of his pocket, pulled rubbing alcohol from the cabinet next to the fridge. After dousing the shirt in the alcohol he lit it ablaze, noticing absently that Charlie had followed him. While the shirt burned he held his breath, waiting until it was scraps of ash before he allowed himself to breathe again. The last of the scent of fresh blood was gone, the smell of Bella’s was now overtaken by the scent of his own venom.
Carlisle sunk to his knees and covered his mouth with his hand, then closed his eyes and used the sound of Bella’s now galloping heart to ground himself again. Something about it had always done that, had always centered him in ways that nothing else ever had. He heard the venom reach her heart, heard the strength of it increase and the way it sped up. The change had taken hold, and not a moment too soon, because it was then that he heard the aneurysm burst. The venom mended the hole almost instantly, and her heart raced on.
When Charlie spoke, it was a whisper. “You’re… What, a… a v-”
Carlisle nodded, saving Charlie from having to spit out the word. “Yes. I’ve never consumed a single drop of human blood,” he gestured to the remnants of his shirt in the sink, “though this was by far the hardest I’ve had to fight it. Alice told me I wouldn’t have time to hunt or Bella wouldn’t make it.”
Charlie dropped heavily onto a chair and closed his eyes, bending to rest his head on the table. “I need a minute,” he said weakly.
“Of course,” Carlisle offered, “Feel free to ask anything you wish once you’re ready.”
“This was the only way to save her?” He asked immediately.
“It is. It was this or die, it was too late to fix it. Bella knew the stakes, she’s known for a long time now. It was an informed choice, I promise.”
“But she’s going to live now.”
“Yes, she’s going to live. She’s going to be immortal.”
Carlisle appeared at Bella’s side, where she was remarkably frozen in place. Her eyes were closed and she appeared peaceful. He knew it was a charade, if only by her racing heart. In the kitchen, he could hear Charlie repeating a mantra of “Bella is going to live, Bella is going to live, Bella is going to live,” over and over.
“I’m going to take you home. I don’t know why you’re silent, but I’m going to bring you home so that you don’t have to be.”
“I want to come,” came Charlie’s voice from the kitchen. “I’m not leaving her.”
“I understand. Come whenever you wish. I’m going to run home with her now,” Carlisle told him.
Charlie stood and came over to them, knelt down by Bella’s side. Already there were visible changes, even to human eyes.
“Wow, that’s…” Charlie was lost for words, staring at the unnaturally pale skin of Bella’s throat around the site of the bite, which was fading quickly.
Carlisle gently picked her up, cradling her in his arms. He felt a tug inside himself, a pull to lay a kiss on her head, but he resisted it. In the next moment he was running again, and within seconds he was bursting through the door of his home, bringing her up to his bed where he laid her down gingerly. There, alone with her, he allowed himself to kiss her forehead softly.
“We’re home Bella. Charlie isn’t here, there’s no one but the two of us. When he comes, I’ll keep him out of earshot while I explain, you don’t have to worry about any humans hearing.”
He watched her carefully, and the only thing that let him know she heard was the slightest twitch of the corner of her mouth. If he’d been human, it would have been indistinguishable. He remained by her side, holding her hand in his, until he heard the cruiser turn onto the gravel. Once it reached the clearing, he kissed her head once more and left, flitting out to meet Charlie by his car.
“She’s inside,” Carlisle told him immediately, knowing what his concern would be.
“I don’t even know where to start,” Charlie began tentatively. “I always knew there was something weird going on, but this?” He shook his head, seeming dazed.
“I know,” Carlisle reassured him. “The basics are that my family and I resist our nature, we refuse to feed on humans as the rest of our kind do. There’s one other family that we know of who live this way. New vampires, however, are exceedingly dangerous to humans. In the last day of her change, I will tell you that you have to leave, for your own safety. It takes time to learn to control the thirst, the bloodlust. We consider her a member of our family, no matter what. I can promise you that I will personally help her every step of the way. She’s known about us for a long time, to a degree she understands what to expect and she’s already expressed commitment to our lifestyle. I know this is hard, Charlie, but when this process is over she will be indestructible.”
“How long?” Was the only question that was offered.
“Three days, on average. I can’t fathom why she’s quiet, I didn’t know it was possible. I won’t lie, the transformation is excruciating beyond all comprehension. When it’s done, though, she will be absolutely perfect.”
“What about Edward?”
“I don’t know,” Carlisle answered honestly. “He was against this from the start and he never changed his mind. It’s why he left, he felt she was in too much danger around us and refused to consider her desire to join our family. He may be angry, or he may not. I honestly cannot say. But regardless of his opinion, she is welcome in our family for as long as she desires it. I would hope that would be indefinitely.”
“And she’s going to live through… through this? Changing, or whatever?” Charlie wondered, worried still.
“Yes, she will. Once the change takes hold, nothing can stop it, short of the person’s heart being removed altogether. I can hear her heart, it’s strong. The change happens when venom enters the bloodstream, and the heart pumps it throughout the body. It changes everything it reaches, fixes it, perfects it.”
“If it hurts so badly, why haven’t you given her anything? Why aren’t you stopping it?”
Carlisle sighed, looked burdened by what he was about to say. “Nothing can stop it. The venom burns along and seals the veins, the arteries, nothing can be pumped through. If anything at all worked to relieve the pain, believe me I would do it. Unfortunately, there’s absolutely nothing.”
Charlie sighed heavily, covering the lower half of his face with his hand, then rubbing it back vigorously through his hair. “How will you know when it’s over? When she’s done changing?”
“I’ll hear her heart stop,” Carlisle answered carefully. “I know that sounds jarring, but once the venom has burned through all of the tissues in the body, it goes after the heart last. As the heart changes, it slowly becomes immobile, just as the rest of our bodies are. Once the entire heart has been changed, it’s effectively made of stone, and it can’t move any longer, can’t beat, and so it stops.”
Charlie’s eyes had widened in shock. “Wait wait wait, so you’re telling me… You’re telling me that you don’t have a heartbeat? None of you do?”
Carlisle smiled softly, “No, we don’t. I don’t even remember what it feels like.”
Charlie turned on his heel and walked back toward his cruiser, leaned against the door for a minute with his head resting on his forearms, trying to absorb all the information being thrown at him so suddenly. One minute, he’s just watching the game with his daughter like any other time, the next she’s being turned into a vampire because it’s either that or she dies, somehow for some reason. He was surprised he was even still on his feet. He was pretty sure Carlisle was too.
“I just want to see her. Can I do that? Can I, I don’t know… Can I sit with her?”
“Of course you can,” Carlisle reassured him earnestly. “Of course, come with me, I’ll take you up.”
Charlie nodded and followed the doctor mutely, not taking in anything around him as he trekked through the house and up the wide staircase. It was completely silent outside of their footsteps, and on their way through Carlisle had grabbed a chair from the kitchen and casually carried it with them. He led Charlie into what he could tell instantly was a bedroom, likely his own, and set the chair down quietly next to the bed where Bella lay silently, eerily still. Her hands were crossed carefully over her belly and it gave him chills, how much she resembled a corpse this way.
“I’ll give you some space,” Carlisle told him unobtrusively, before slipping quietly out the door.
“Hey Bells,” Charlie said quietly, voice shaking minutely. “I… I don’t even really know what to say right now, Carlisle gave me the rundown but I’m still…” He took in a deep breath, and wasn’t surprised when it stuttered on the way out. “He said you’re gonna live, that you’re gonna be immortal and right now I’m trying to focus on that but it’s…” He tried to breathe again, not having any more success than the last time. “You’re gonna be okay and that’s all that matters, right?”
There was no answer, which didn’t surprise him given what the doctor had told him, but it still ached in a way. He longed to see her open her eyes, look up and smile at him, tell him she was okay, that everything was going to be fine and it was going to go back to normal. He knew it never would, he wasn’t a fool. But she was his only child and more than anything he wanted to keep her home, keep her safe in a way he could understand, he just wanted to protect her from the world and everything in it. Clearly, though, he couldn’t protect her from everything and that’s why they were in this position in the first place.
Charlie sat a silent vigil most of the way through the night, then laid down gently on the bed next to Bella when he could no longer keep his eyes open. He assumed Carlisle would come get him if there was an issue with it. He woke up the next morning exactly where he was, though, and the next day was more of the same. No responses from Bella, but he was shocked by the change in her when he woke. Her skin was nearly as pale as the rest of them, the features of her face had begun to change subtly and her skin was completely, perfectly, inhumanly clear. Her hair had grown longer and gotten shinier.
He spent the day talking, telling stories and flipping through shows on the TV. When Carlisle offered him food, he accepted and only left his daughter’s side to use the attached bathroom. He watched her appearance change more and more throughout the day, mostly in ways that he couldn’t verbally describe or put his finger on, but the person he saw in the evening looked completely different than the one he had woken up to. When night fell, Carlisle came to see them, to check on Bella presumably. He focused intently, running his icy fingers down her arms and across her forehead, down the center of her chest and pausing over her frantically thrumming heart. Carlisle had let him listen to it earlier, he was shocked by how fast and how hard it was beating. He’d never heard anything like it in his life.
“Sometime tomorrow I’m going to ask you to go home. I’ll call you, I’ll keep in touch, but I expect it to finish tomorrow and I don’t want you to be in any danger.”
Charlie wanted to argue, but he knew not to and he could tell that there was absolutely no way he would be allowed to stay behind when Bella woke. He wished he knew what to expect, but if he wasn’t allowed to be near her then clearly there were differences between new vampires and older ones. He didn’t think he wanted to know what those differences were.
When Charlie awoke the next morning, Bella looked completely different again. He didn’t think it was even possible for her to change so much and still look like the same person she had been, but somehow she was. He took her hand in his, and was shocked not only by the icy temperature but the texture of her skin, the lack of give in her flesh. He squeezed experimentally, it was like squeezing a rock, there was no give whatsoever.
“Charlie,” Carlisle appeared in the doorway.
“I guess it’s time?” He asked wearily.
Carlisle nodded. “It is. She’s going to wake today, I would rather your scent be mostly gone before she wakes, lest she be driven to… to follow it.”
Charlie felt himself go pale. He hadn’t realized it could be that bad. He turned and leaned down, left a rough, whiskery kiss on her forehead. “Love you Bells, call when you can, I guess.”
With that, he turned and walked out of the room, despite every fiber of his being calling him to go back, to be with her until everything was better, until the pain was gone and she woke up to tell him she was okay again. Carlisle walked him out to his cruiser, stood motionless as he started it up and drove away. He managed to make it to the main road before he broke down.
As soon as Charlie disappeared from sight, Carlisle rushed up the stairs and resumed his place, cradling Bella’s hand carefully in his. He didn’t need to breathe, but the beauty of the woman next to him blew him away. In the most private parts of his mind, the ones that he kept secret from Edward, she always had. Edward had been foolish enough to let her go, and he couldn’t understand why his son would ever make such a mistake. The only people who knew of these private thoughts were Jasper, and Esme. Jasper because there was no way he could hide it from him, the way he could Edward. Esme because she was his best friend, his confidant, though not his lover the way they led outsiders to believe.
Being asked to leave Bella behind was a thousand times more difficult than he could have ever imagined, so much so that Jasper and Alice had to move out for a time because Jasper couldn’t take feeling Carlisle’s anguish constantly. He was entranced by her, and he admitted silently to himself that he hoped, in the course of helping her navigate her time as a newborn, that somehow Bella would be drawn to him, to fall in love with him.
Carlisle let his fingers trace her face, following the bone structure that had evolved over the last two days. “Oh, Bella…” He sighed. “You have no idea how much I look forward to this time we will have together.”
The tempo of her heart began to increase, and it brought him to increased awareness. It was the end. He held onto her hand, knowing that the fire had receded from them now based on the way her heart continued to fly. “It is nearly over now, dear Bella,” he assured her, remembering vividly what the last minutes of the change felt like. “It will pool in your chest, in your heart, for a few moments and then it will end. Don’t worry, the pain is nearly over now.”
Her heart rate made the final leap, into a rate so fast it sounded like a jackhammer beating away at concrete. It held for a few long seconds, and then with an awkward thud, her heart fell completely silent.
“Keep your eyes closed for a moment, Bella,” he told her the moment it stopped. “Your senses are going to be overwhelmed, I want you to absorb them one at a time. I’m right here,” he assured her, “though it may feel like it, there is absolutely no danger here. I want you to try to stay at ease, try not to become alarmed by anything. It’s just you and I here.
“First, focus on what you can hear.” He saw her eyes roll beneath her eyelids, but just as he had asked, she left them closed. “Focus on my voice first, and then branch out from there. Take your time, listen to everything.”
He waited for her, knowing she would automatically process everything at vampire speed.
“Next, focus on what you can feel. The bed you’re laying on, the breeze against your skin from the open door downstairs, my hand holding yours. Take it one thing at a time, feel everything.
“Now, I want you to open your mouth. Don’t breathe yet, just taste the air that comes to you. There’s going to be a lot of information there that you’re not used to having, a lot for your brain to process. Think through it all one thing at a time, there’s no rush.
Her mouth fell open, and her tongue twitched as the different flavors of the air hit it. He was shocked by her composure so far, that she hadn’t immediately dashed after the first beating heart she could hear. He could hear numerous animals in the forest, some with hearts much thicker and heavier than others, and he couldn’t figure out how she had avoided dashing after them instantly.
“Now, I want you to brace yourself for this one, okay?” Her mouth closed and her head moved minutely in a quick nod. “When you’re ready, I want you to breathe in through your nose. You’re going to smell everything , Bella. It’s okay if you can’t focus, it’s incredibly overwhelming. Start with me, and then work your way out from there.”
He watched her carefully, prepared when he watched her entire body tense as she filled her lungs with air and took in every tiny scent the air carried upon it. The grip of her hand tightened and he grimaced slightly at her grip, newborn-strong. He was focused on every tiny bit of her, braced in case she tore off in some direction or another to chase a tempting smell. However, she did not. Given he could smell various animals around, he was shocked again by her apparent composure.
“You’re doing wonderfully Bella, I am so proud of you. You are incredible. Now this is going to be the most overwhelming one, which is why I saved it for last. Just as with your sense of smell, you’re going to see details you never knew existed. Remember that I am right here next to you, my dear. You’re safe with me. When you’re ready, I want you to open your eyes.”
It took nearly a full second before her eyes popped open, brilliant scarlet. He watched them move as they focused on millions of things her human eyes were never able to perceive, and wasn’t surprised in the least when she tensed up again. He rubbed his thumb carefully across the skin of her hand, and because she was braced for it and already knew it was there, it soothed her instead of alarmed her.
“Why don’t you sit up now?”
Before he completed the sentence, she was ramrod straight. In the next moment she turned to look at him, and he saw her mouth open in what appeared to be shock. If he had a heartbeat he would be blushing, because he knew why she was so taken aback. It was one thing to see a vampire as a human, but for a new vampire who had been around them as a human it was a whole other level of shock.
Her hand reached out, human-speed, until her fingers found his cheekbone and trailed gently along it. She seemed utterly mesmerized, and he held perfectly still for her, not wanting to alarm her new instincts. In a daze her fingers explored every curve of his face, and if his heart still had life in it it would have pounded when they grazed across his lips. It took everything in him to not kiss them while he could.
“You’re perfect,” were the first words he ever heard in her new, chiming voice. He couldn’t help but be shocked. “I feel,” she began slowly, “I feel like I need to be…” She trailed off, unsure of herself, and let her hand fall to his chest, where her fingers rapped against it. “I don’t know why,” she pushed out in a rush. “It’s just… there.”
He held his arms out, open to her in invitation. Despite her speed, he was privileged enough to be able to watch every tiny motion of her body as it traveled from sitting on the side of the bed to being perched in his lap. When she stilled, he wrapped his arms slowly around her, hands finding each other at her waist. He could see her insecurity in her posture, in the wideness of her eyes and the way she couldn’t meet his gaze.
“It’s just the two of us, dear Bella. It’s you and I, in my room,” he emphasized, “with no one else around. I know it’s overwhelming. Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“Your room?” She had picked up on the emphasis. “What about-”
“Esme and I are not together, it’s merely a façade,” he explained easily.
“Why do I want…” She trailed off again, but her gaze fell to his mouth and her fingers explored his lips again.
He ventured a guess, hoping like hell he wasn’t going to put his foot in his mouth. “When we change, it… heightens everything,” he told her carefully. “Including any feelings, thoughts…” He could tell she got the point, and he could only hope he was right.
“So because I… uh, I had a… crush?” He watched her bite her lip, then flinch slightly when she felt her new teeth against her skin. “Is it permanent?” She worried, looking like the thought had just occurred to her. He knew he had to answer carefully.
“Only if you want it to be,” He answered easily. “You haven’t done anything to cement it… yet ,” he offered. He reached up and let his fingers trail through her hair, the strands feeling like silk against his skin as he tucked it behind her ear. “Though I must say, I’ve been quite entranced by you for some time now. I believe we’re on the same page, so to speak, if that makes you feel any better.”
Newborn impulsiveness struck her, and almost instantly her mouth had found his. He let his hands tangle themselves in her hair as she adjusted herself to sit astride him, pressing her chest up against his as he pulled her close. He kissed her back fervently, giving back everything she gave. When her hands drifted toward her clothing, though, he slowed her fingers’ progress.
“As much as I would love to lay you down right now, it would be taking advantage of you and I won’t do that, not when everything is so new.”
Her bright red eyes met his, her hair wild and tangled where his hands had been. To reassure her, he brought her down and kissed her again, slowly and intimately. “I long to fall in love with you Bella, but I wish to do so fairly.”
Without words, she nodded in agreement, then closed her eyes and captured him with another kiss. She longed to fall in love with him, as well.