Archive of Our Own

It takes eighteen minutes for Jeongguk to get to Taehyung’s house by foot, ten minutes if he runs.

Today, Jeongguk gains his best record speed of nine minutes from the time he receives the phone call to the time he sets foot on the street in front of Taehyung’s house.

Today, Taehyung comes home from the hospital and Jeongguk is most excited for it.

“Jeonggukie! Jeonggukie!”

“Taehyungie!”

Taehyung crashes with an equally exhilarated Jeongguk on the lush lawn of the Kim house. Taehyung runs for a body slam and Jeongguk rushes for a tight embrace.

They fail at both.

“Ouuuch,” both of them prolong their whines, hands rubbing their own foreheads after colliding with their heads first. The redness on their skins fades easily and they forget the hurt almost immediately out of excitement.

“Jeonggukie! Did you miss me? I missed you so much!”

“Yeah? How much?”

“This mu–oh! Where is it?” Taehyung is spreading his tiny arms wide when he notices he is missing something.

“What is it?” Jeongguk asks, panicking over something he has never seen before. His eyes roam the dew-trickled grass for whatever Taehyung’s eyes are popped out for too.

“I was going to show you–” Taehyung kneels and runs his fingers on the ground, “where is it?”

Taehyung sounds truly distressed. His voice breaks like he is about to cry.

“Taehyungie,” Jeongguk, looking just as lost, tries to calm him down.

They anxiously scan the space, fingers running through weed and leaf blades. They sit up, kneel and crawl all over the outgrowth, grass stains discoloring their crisp summer shorts and palms.

“Hey, nerds.” The voice comes from a dashing, spritely young boy with a handsome face standing on the stone pathway.

Kim Seokjin is one of Taehyung’s older brothers. He is much taller than both Taehyung and Jeongguk and a lot stronger but not too far mature from them. He graduates high school next year.

“Heads up!” He throws something high towards the two and Taehyung recognizes the clear cylindrical cup even when it is moving so quickly in the air.

He jumps up, runs and dives elbows first to the soft bermuda to cradle in his tiny hands the plastic container. The grin plastered on Taehyung’s face is Jeongguk’s favorite spring feature– full, shiny and incomparable. It puts an equally glittery smile on his face every time.

“Jeonggukie, look!” Taehyung says as he rolls over to face his friend. He jiggles the contents floating in a clear liquid for Jeongguk to see.

“Those are–” Jeongguk’s words fade while concentrating on the specimen cup from the hospital.

“They’re my tonsils, Jeonggukie!” Taehyung squeals excitedly, tapping the label that says Taehyung’s tonsils.

Both of them laugh heartily under the golden-brown sunshine and it looks like the purest thing the bright Saturday has ever witnessed.

Jeongguk and Taehyung are best friends. They attend the same public school and the same church. They live two blocks apart but they might as well just share Taehyung’s room with the amount of time Jeongguk spends in their home.

Jeongguk’s dad is a doctor and has half his body merged to an operating stool on a daily basis. He is barely home. His mother has not been with them for some years now. She left when Jeongguk was younger.

The Kim household is much more alive and crowded. Taehyung has two older brothers, Seokjin being the older and Namjoon next.

He comes walking unbothered along the pathway with his nose buried in a book, Do Stars Die?

“It’s time for lunch in a little bit, Tae. Wash your hands now please.” Taehyung’s mother trails Namjoon from the car.

“Joonie, honey, watch your step,” she adds.

Taehyung’s mom is vibrant and beautiful. She walks like a cat—graceful, delicate and looks like she is always on her toes. Well, on her heels.

“You too, Jeongguk. I’m adding a plate for you if it’s okay with your dad,” Taehyung’s mom says a little louder as she makes her way through the front door.

Jeongguk answers loudly too. “Thank you, Mrs. Kim!”

“You can phone your dad from inside the house. Do you have his number?” Taehyung asks Jeongguk.

“Got it right here,” Jeongguk says, finger tapping on his right temple.

They both get up from the lawn and brush the dirt from their knees and palms.

“You’re so smart, Jeonggukie,” Taehyung says cheerfully.

Ü

On weekends, Jeongguk and Taehyung have sleepovers in Taehyung and Namjoon’s room.
On weekends, Namjoon sleeps over in his friend Hoseok’s house across the street.

Most weekends, when the two best friends spend the entire time running around the play park or the makeshift backyard tree house, Jeongguk is too tired to notice Taehyung’s snoring at night.

Some weekends, when Taehyung’s snoring is too loud and too constant, Jeongguk’s sleep is interrupted regardless if he tires himself during the day or not.

One weekend, his father noticed how difficult it was to wake him up come Monday and how naturally he dozed off in the car on the way to school.

Which was not usual.

Taetae slept too noisily last night, Jeongguk says when asked.

Noisily? His father squints, reaching over to his son’s face to wipe his dried-up drool.

Noisily. Like jet plane engines.

Later in the hospital, Dr. Jeon walks up to Mrs. Kim, who actually works in Billing.

Good, you’re here! I don’t have to send your share checks to your room. Hang on one second.

Mrs. Kim smiles like her three children—all teeth visible, cheeks up, eyes gone. She hops off from her stool.

When she comes back, she hands Dr. Jeon an envelope through the window of the glass between them.

Thanks, Soo-yeon. I didn’t really come for this though, he says raising the envelope slightly.

Oh?

Yeah. I was wondering if I could examine Taehyung’s tonsils?

A few days later, Dr. Jeon and Jeongguk joined the Kim family for dinner. That was also when Taehyung’s tonsils were proposed for exile.

Dr. Jeon, I don’t want my tonsils to be away from me, Taehyung cries out.

After convincing everyone that Taehyung may still have his tonsils with him by his bedside every day, he was scheduled for tonsillectomy within the month.

“Can I see it again, Taetae?” Jeongguk says, lying on his side watching Taehyung on his own bed across the room.

The other boy is examining the two vestigial glands uprooted from his aerodigestive tract just a few days ago. As if he hasn’t stared at them for a total of a few days since they have been surgically plucked out, he rotates the plastic cup a few more times before he sits up on his bed.

Taehyung stands and tiptoes from his bed to Namjoon’s bed where Jeongguk is.

“Scoot over, I’ll show you,” he says when he finally reaches the other side of the room.

Jeongguk makes space for Taehyung to lie beside him. Their heads bump on their sides as they stare intently at the two swirling, tan-colored specimen floating in formalin.

“I don’t think they’re kissing at all,” Jeongguk comments.

“Then why did your dad call them kissing tonsils?”

“Maybe they didn’t get to kiss before you got to the hospital,” Jeongguk answers, brown eyes Bambi-wide.

“Aw, that sucks,” Taehyung says.

“But they’re kinda together now in that pee cup, so that’s okay. Mine are way far from kissing. Wanna see?”

Jeongguk opens his mouth wide and sticks his tongue out as far as he can, inclining his jaw to face Taehyung.

Taehyung giggles. “Hey, you almost licked me there!”

“Whoopths. Thh-orry, Tae,” Jeongguk puts his tongue back in his mouth while enunciating his little apology.

They both giggle adorably.

“I still wanna see it though,” Taehyung pouts afterwards.

“Hmm, oh, do it like how my dad does it!” Jeongguk squeals at the idea while getting up from the bed.

He runs towards Taehyung’s bed to retrieve a little flashlight. When he crosses back to Namjoon’s bed, Taehyung is already sitting down.

“Here,” Jeongguk hands him the flashlight and sits down beside him.

Taehyung clicks the button and illuminates inside Jeongguk’s already open mouth.

“Just as I suspected, son,” Taehyung imitates Jeongguk’s dad, even rounds up his voice a little.

He stands up in front of Jeongguk and places his small hand on his hip.

“Tsk, your tonsils are really far from kissing, Mr. Jeongguk,” he continues.

“Is that so, Dr. Kim?” Jeongguk indulges his best friend in his little comedy.

“Yes. They are very tiny. I’m sorry to tell you this, Mr. Jeongguk, but,” Taehyung puffs an exaggerated exhale. He even shakes his head exuberantly.

“What is it, Dr. Kim? Tell me.” Jeongguk frowns.

“Your tonsils are too young to be in love!”

The two boys both gasp with gaping mouths and soon burst into loud laughter until their tummies hurt.

Mrs. Kim knocks on the door and finds the two sleepover buddies still cackling among themselves.

“Bed time, darlings,” she whispers, “You know the rules.”

“Quiet cayotes by ten pm,” the two children blurt out simultaneously.

Taehyung is already climbing off Namjoon’s bed when he shoots a rather surprising question to his mother.

“Mom, so how far away are you and dad from kissing again?”

“What—” Taehyung’s mom blinks silently with a half perplexed and half awkward expression while she watches his son cross the room to his bed.

Taehyung tucks himself in his sheets and waits patiently for his answer. When he detects the confusion on his mom’s face, he reaches a hand to his side table to pick up his specimen cup.

Mrs. Kim traces his son’s inquisition to the source—his kissing tonsils.

“Because these never get to kiss, but Jeonggukie said it’s okay because they’re still kinda together,” he reasons, peeking through the transparent container again.

Taehyung’s mom deduces the grounds of the sudden interrogation correctly and raises both eyebrows as her eyes travel to Jeongguk’s direction.

Jeongguk just stares back with his innocent, puppy eyes.

She diverts.

“Quiet cayote by ten pm,” she chants.

“It’s 9:58, mom. I can tell time.”

Mrs. Kim sighs lightly. “Why don’t we call your dad tomorrow, yeah?”

That second diversion does the trick.

“Really? Yes! What time, mom? What time shall we call dad?” Taehyung says excitedly, almost jumping out from his blanket.

“Baby, we’ll talk about it in the morning. Is that okay?” Mrs. Kim says, walking over to Taehyung and placing a kiss on his forehead.

“Okay, mom,” he says finally.

When she shuts the lights in the room and closes the door after ten more good nights, Mrs. Kim pauses in the hallway to close her eyes for a little.

It’s okay because they’re still kinda together.

Jeongguk shifts and Namjoon’s bed creaks.

Taehyung knows Jeongguk is still awake because he hears his bed creak for the fourth time in maybe two minutes.

He frisks his mattress for his flashlight.

Pointing it ahead towards the cabinets, he starts flicking the light on and off cryptically.

Taehyung taught Jeongguk Morse code, which he learned from Namjoon. When he starts flashing a pattern that Jeongguk picks up, the other boy takes out his own flashlight from his pocket.

Jeongguk silently mouths Taehyung’s message. He gets confused towards the middle of the last word.

When he doesn’t understand completely, he clicks on his flashlight too, S-L-O-W-L-Y

He hears Taehyung scoff softly.

I-C-E-C-R-E-A-M-T-O-M-?

Jeongguk snickers. T-R-E-E-H-O-U-S-E-? He spells in code.

Taehyung flicks his flashlight, O-K-T-R-E-E-H-O-U-S-E

Jeongguk remembers just now as he is decoding Taehyung’s message the surprise that he prepared for Taehyung earlier in the treehouse. He gasps a whispered oh no.

Taehyung flashes another set of lights when he hears Jeongguk. W-H-A-T-?

Jeongguk flashes hurriedly. N-O-T-H-I-N-G

He suddenly feels a cruel, bright light frolicking on his eyes and face. He squints while Taehyung moves the beam around Jeongguk’s vision, clearly trying to get an answer from his friend.

With a soft grunt, Jeongguk pulls sheets over his face. Soon enough, he hears Taehyung’s flashlight turn off with a click.

He was going to shut his eyes but he senses movement in front of him. Before Jeongguk could resist, Taehyung is already pulling the blanket off his body and slipping beside him in Namjoon’s bed again.

“Shhh,” Jeongguk whispers when he hears a prolonged creak in the wooden frame.

Taehyung adjusts himself one last time, inching closer facing Jeongguk.

“Tell me what it is,” Taehyung whispers. Jeongguk refocuses his vision in the dark as much as he can making out an outline of Taehyung’s face.

The breath fanning on his face is minty, which would later on be one of the favorite smells of his youth. That and oddly, formalin.

“Jeonggukie,” Taehyung insists.

“Fine. I had a surprise for you and I forgot to show you earlier,” Jeongguk says, his own minty breath filling the small space between him and Taehyung.

“What is it?”

“They’re yellow and they’re magnificent.”

“Stars?” Taehyung whispers, his excitement making him rock the bed again.

Jeongguk snorts. “I can’t possibly get stars for you, Taetae,” he says with an amused chuckle.

“Oh. Bread then?”

They both giggle silently.

“You have one more guess and if you get it wrong, you’ll just have to find out tomorrow,” Jeongguk concludes.

“Hmm, I don’t have any more guesses, Jeonggukie. I think I’ll sleep on it.”

“Good idea,” Jeongguk whispers, already feeling Taehyung’s breathing deepen.

Taehyung falls asleep first.

That is the first night Jeongguk doesn’t hear the jet plane engines anymore.

Ü

Jeongguk visited Taehyung in the hospital three times—once before his operation and twice after.

During the third visit, Taehyung asked Jeongguk, hey, where are my flowers, Jeonggukie?

Boys can give other boys flowers? Jeongguk clarifies plainly. Seokjin snickers in a corner.

Of course, love, Taehyung’s mom responds, half chuckling.

On TV, remember, you get flowers too when you’re sick? Taehyung elaborates when Jeongguk’s beautiful doll eyes stare at him cluelessly.

When Jeongguk mindlessly trades his lovers’ point of view to Taehyung’s idea in a split second, he chimes, Okay, I’ll get you flowers, Taetae.

The grin on Jeongguk’s face could just as well launch ships. He watches Taehyung climb the rest of the makeshift wooden ladder to their treehouse in just mere seconds. It is his personal record to beat.

Once Taehyung sets foot in the treehouse, his eyes enlarge and his jaw falls slack, clearly a very happy, very surprised look.

He gapes at what must be at least twenty stalks of yellow wildflowers sticking out of an old fishbowl half filled with water.

“Woooow,” he coos, tiny hands already stuck to the fishbowl.

“Surprise!” Jeongguk chants.

Taehyung touches the yellow petals delicately, eyes sparkling. “They are yellow and marvelous,” he says.

“What are they, Jeonggukie?”

Jeonggukie is flustered once more. “Uhm, flowers.” he answers pointlessly.

Taehyung laughs out loud. “Well, I know that, silly,” he says turning around to face a dazed Jeongguk.

“Oh no, let me get that,” Taehyung rushes to where Jeongguk is, snatching his ice cream cone from the boy’s hand.

Jeongguk has been standing with two dripping ice creams, one on each hand watching his best friend gawk at the flowers he asked for. His hands are sticky and cold, but it’s okay.

“I meant what are they called,” Taehyung says catching a melting slope of ice cream before it reaches the side of the cone.

Jeongguk pouts, not knowing the answer.

“It’s okay. Namjoon hyung will know. We’ll ask him,” Taehyung concludes, starting to walk towards the bunch of flowers again.

They finish their cold treats and sit on the edge of the treehouse deck, legs dangling lazily.

“I really like them, Jeonggukie,” Taehyung says twirling a flower stem on his hands.

“Me too. I wish I could have brought them to the hospital when you were sick,” Jeongguk responds.

“It’s okay. They’ll live longer in our fishbowl.”

Jeongguk just hums, watching the yellow floral envelops open and close as Taehyung plays with them.

“There are hundreds more in the hospital where my dad works. The trees are all yellow,” Jeongguk recalls.

“Wow, that’s really—”

Taehyung shrieks midsentence when the wall beside them suddenly gets hit by something that was flying their direction.

The swift impact caused a loud thud which made Taehyung and Jeongguk flinch. When their heads turn to the source, what looked like a hurt animal slid down quickly and flopped to the grass below them.

The horrified looks on their faces fade instantly when they scramble to get down from the treehouse, both their actions superbly in sync they bump into each other every time.

They even kneel down on the grass at the same time taking one side each of a very distressed pigeon.

“Oh no! Oh my!” Taehyung looks away when streaks of gushing red leak from the side of the bird’s rump as it flaps its wings hysterically.

Jeongguk leans closer to observe the wound as it exposes every time the pigeon extends his wings.

“Wait, what are you doing?” Taehyung asks, his voice troubled when Jeongguk crouches even closer to the animal.

“She will get tired and lose more blood if she keeps trying to fly away,” Jeongguk answers.

His eyebrows furrow slowly as he tries to tame the anguished bird. With one sudden, timed movement, Jeongguk scoops the pigeon from the ground, clapping its wings close to its body.

He gets some blood on his hands but he doesn’t seem to mind.

“Taehyungie?”

Taehyung’s panicked face means to look away again if Jeongguk didn’t call his name.

“What?” he asks. Both his hands are plastered on his cheek, eyes glaring at the wounded bird on Jeongguk’s hands.

“Will you get a box for her please?” Jeongguk says, voice soft as if trying to calm Taehyung down too.

“Taehyung,”

Taehyung’s expression softens. He crosses both his arms in front of him and shifts his gaze to his best friend.

“Please?” Jeongguk prods lightly.

Taehyung nods as he walks away to enter the house. Jeongguk follows him and sits by the porch.

Namjoon walks out of the glass door before Taehyung.

“Where?” he blurts out, head turning left and right.

“I have her here,” Jeongguk says, hands still, cupped gently around the bird’s body.

Namjoon moves closer to examine the animal. He tips his head on one side to view the bloody stains on her white feathers.

“Hmm,” Namjoon reflects.

“What do we do, hyung?” Taehyung asks from behind him.

“I need you to lift her wing for me, Jeongguk. We have to figure out how to wrap her up,” Namjoon says.

Jeongguk slowly rotates the pigeon so that the limp wing is facing Namjoon. When he tries to lift it, the bird struggles a little bit and Namjoon has to help calm her down.

Jeongguk’s hands are too tiny to both hold the bird and lift his limp wing so Namjoon examines the wing himself.

Taehyung watches intently on the side, clearly still feeling a bit squeamish about the whole thing. He puts the box down on the porch edge, neck craning ahead curiously.

“We need a splint,” Namjoon says, letting go of the wing gently, “and a lot of gauze.”

“Will she be okay, hyung?” Taehyung asks softly, rising slowly, peeking slightly above his brother’s shoulder.

Jeongguk looks up to Namjoon as if anticipating the answer to the same question. The older boy just bites his lips in, deepening the dimple on his cheek.

“Put her in the box, Jeongguk. I’ll get mom’s first aid,” he says already starting to make his way back inside.

Taehyung stays within a few meters from Jeongguk and the bird, still peeking, now from behind a big, red cushioned chair. He kneels, mirroring Jeongguk’s movement.

Namjoon pops his head back out just as Jeongguk was about to let go of the pigeon inside the box. “Wait. On second thoughts, hold her until I get back. Her wounds need pressure.”

“Okay, hyung,” Jeongguk answers, adjusting his hold on the feathers as carefully as he can.

Taehyung moves closer, eyes interested but still not completely unshaken.

Jeongguk’s eyes are pristine, unbothered, determined. He looks at the pigeon with an expression full of wonder and at the same time, sympathy. His resolve to relieve the animal of its hurt and anxiety might as well be written on his face, strongly unopposed by any of his own fears or his anxious thoughts if there are any.

“Are you afraid of her, Taehyungie?” he asks, eyes still fixed to his hands.

Taehyung curls his lips to a contemplating frown.

When he doesn’t hear an answer immediately, Jeongguk raises his head to meet Taehyung’s eyes.

“I bet she is even more afraid of us,” Jeongguk says.

“I’ve never seen a bird this close,” Taehyung mutters.

“Me neither.”

Namjoon slides the door open again and comes out with a big red box. He places it beside the empty shoe box and props it open.

He begins fashioning a splint from a cardboard cutout and wrapping it with a thin layer of gauze.

“This will do,” Namjoon says to himself.

He moves closer towards Jeongguk. When he lightly tries to lift the pigeon’s wing, it starts to thrash, its talons almost gashing on Jeongguk’s hand.

When the bird calms down again, Namjoon reaches for a pack of gauze and opens them beside the shoe box.

“Taehyung, will you help hyung?” Namjoon asks. He turns his head to find uncertain eyes looking back at him.

“She can’t hurt you, Taetae,” Jeongguk tries to soothe his friend.

“I—” Taehyung gazes at the small bird on Jeongguk’s hands and lets out a breath, “Okay,” he resolves.

Namjoon instructs Taehyung to retract the bird’s limp wing again while he dabs the drying wounds with sanitized cloths.

“Good job, Jeongguk. The pressure kept the blood from spilling out,” Namjoon says while reaching the splint from the first-aid kit.

They dress the pigeon’s wounds and wrap the splint on her wing, immobilizing the appendage.

When Jeongguk puts the bird down inside the shoebox, it tries to flap its wings weakly at first but rests soon after.

“Where did you learn all that, hyung?” Jeongguk asks Namjoon.

“Oh, boy scouts,” Namjoon answers, wide smile on his face.

Jeongguk and Taehyung let out a prolonged wow.

“Will she be still be able to fly, hyung?” Taehyung asks.

“We’ll know how she heals in a couple of days. In the meantime, she’ll stay in here while she’s healing.” Namjoon concludes.

He carries the shoe box carefully and places it on top of the porch table. “Okay, time to wash our hands, boys,” he announces.

All three of them run to the faucet connected to the garden hose. They scrub their palms and fingers and rinse the soap suds after.

Namjoon makes his way back to the porch.

“Oh, hyung!” Taehyung calls out.

Taehyung runs across the yard and picks up the flower stem he was holding earlier. He must have dropped it when they rushed to tend to the pigeon.

“Do you know what this flower is called, Namjoon-hyung?” he asks when he extends the flower stem for his brother to examine.

Jeongguk walks closer, curious of the answer himself.

“I guess spring is already nearby,” Namjoon says taking the stem from Taehyung.

“This is a sansuyu flower or the cornelian cherry flower. It blooms until two weeks at most. The cherry blossoms only do it for five days.”

Taehyung marvels at the flower some more when his brother hands it back to him. He smiles vibrantly at Jeongguk when he catches his gaze.

“Do you know what sansuyu means?” Namjoon yells out, already reaching the porch deck.

“No! What does it mean?” Taehyung and Jeongguk cry out in unison.

“It means love that would be unchanged forever!” he yells one more time before he disappears inside the house.

“Well, I guess you’re stuck with me forever, Jeonggukie,” Taehyung says, smile on his face even wider.

Jeongguk puts his arm over Taehyung’s shoulder as they walk back to check on their tiny patient in a box.

“I guess you’re stuck with me forever, too, Taehyungie,” he echoes.

“I’m okay with that. You are so brave, Jeonggukie.”

“He didn’t even let go even if PJ was clawing so bad,” Taehyung praises Jeongguk over dinner.

“PJ?” Jeongguk repeats to himself adjusting his seat beside Taehyung, face being all soft and pink.

“PJ?” Namjoon says it louder. “You know she’s a girl right, Taehyung?”

Taehyung leans on the box to sneak a look at the now resting bird by the corner of the dining room.

“PJ is a girl’s name, hyung,” he says proudly.

“Yeah, what does it stand for?” Seokjin scowls.

“Uhm,” Taehyung side eyes Jeongguk, “Princess Jasmine,” he resolves.

Namjoon and Seokjin burst into shrewd laughter.

“So, PJ from Aladdin?” Namjoon teases.

“You mean Princess Jams-into-walls-a-lot!” Seokjin mocks. “Did she fall because she lost her magic carpet?”

Louder laughter erupts from the two older boys, Seokjin almost diving breathless to the floor.

Jeongguk is snickering in his seat when Taehyung catches him, popping his eyes wide at him.

“It’s pretty funny, Taehyungie,” he cries.

Before Taehyung can voice out a comeback, Mrs. Kim tames her rowdy boys from inside the kitchen.

“Alright that’s enough, guys. Stop picking on your brother or he gets all the dessert,” she warns.

“Mooooom,” both Namjoon and Seokjin whine noisily.

“What, only he has the right to get all the ice cream he wants. You guys still have your tonsils.”

They wail some more.

Mrs. Kim pulls Taehyung’s head towards her and plants a kiss on his cheek. “Don’t listen to them, honey. You can call your little soldier over there anything you want, yeah?”

“Thanks, mom.”

“And good job, too, Jeongguk. You really are a brave one, darling,” Jeongguk gets a big kiss on his cheek too.

“Thanks, Mrs. Kim,” he says, face still squished against her lips.

“By the way, your dad is on his way. I just got off the phone with him. Get your things ready, okay?” Mrs. Kim says swiping the dinner plates off the table.

“Okay.”

Ü

His dad fetched Jeongguk from the Kim’s house almost every weekend for as long as he can remember. He would wait with Taehyung after dinner and they would chat, roam, play tirelessly until the sound of Dr. Kim’s vintage Mercedes was heard from the backyard.

Taehyung liked to look down on the ground. He enjoyed following butterflies, observing how many inches the plants in the garden grew after a few days. He played with mulch and soil, studied the bugs around him and fell in love with all the colors of nature.

Jeongguk liked to lie down on the grass and watch the stars. He read about constellations, and galaxies and marveled at the vast unknown beyond what the eyes can see. He found delight in discovering new knowledge and dreamt of using his mind to be of service to other people, much like his dad.

Growing up, the best friends cultivated their own distinct personalities. Both of them sprouted around each other’s interests and quirks and appreciated the difference between them. Just the same, however, the weekends in their lives that passed didn’t change—were never boring, were never spent apart.

“Did you know that fish skin can be used to repair damaged human tissue secondary to burns or accidents? It’s called grafting.” Jeongguk talks out loud while Taehyung is crouched over a mound of soil beside him.

“Ew,” Taehyung replies.

“What?”

“That’s disgusting, Jeongguk. I’d rather—”

“Put bugs on your skin? They do that too!” Jeongguk interrupts while flipping loudly through the magazine he is reading. “Here. MDT, maggot debridement therapy has proved an efficient and reliable approach for wound healing. In a study, the larvae of musca domestica—”

“La la la la la,” Taehyung butts in Jeongguk’s academic recitation, clapping his hands over his ears.

Jeongguk snickers and drops the magazine on the grass. He grunts when he picks himself up and charges towards his unsuspecting friend who is still mock chanting with his ears blocked.

Taehyung yells out profanities as both of them tumble to the ground when Jeongguk playfully attacks him from the back locking his shoulders with his strong arms to their downfall.

“Let go of me, you giant science freak,” Taehyung struggles.

“No, tell me you’ll let me put maggots on your wounds!” Jeongguk teases. He laughs rowdily at Taehyung’s genuine annoyance.

“Yuck, that’s ghastly! Never!”

Jeongguk is not much bigger than Taehyung, in fact his limbs are just about the same capacities as Taehyung’s. Taehyung however, is, most times, a dirtier player than Jeongguk, both in video games and otherwise.

He sneaks a hand up and runs his coy fingertips on Jeongguk’s neck, the spot he knows his best friend is most ticklish. He knows this because he is ticklish there too, most times.

Jeongguk squinches briskly and loosens his grip on Taehyung’s body immediately at the sudden sensation.

“You slick little—”

Jeongguk’s moment of weakness becomes Taehyung’s window of opportunity. He kneels and hovers above Jeongguk and pins him down on both wrists.

Taehyung is not much bigger than Jeongguk but the fact is, all the muscles in Jeongguk’s body tense and relax simultaneously when Taehyung opposes him like this. It is not anything physiological that Jeongguk has ever read before. It just—happens.

Must be something beyond the books in his dad’s library.

Must be a best friend thing.

“Let me go, Tae,” Jeongguk finally says when he snaps out of his thoughts.

“For what?” Taehyung taunts.

“I’ll let you win all video games we’ll play next week,” Jeongguk suggests.

Taehyung shakes his head and shifts to hold Jeongguk in place, caging his legs between his knees.

“Trying to trick me? Next week is exams week. There will be no video games.”

“I’ll do your homework for five days,” Jeongguk tries again.

Taehyung shakes his head no again. “Consider my promposal,” Taehyung says.

“Your what?” Jeongguk mutters, eyebrows furrowing.

“My prom proposal, Jeongguk. Let’s go as friends.”
“That’s lame,”

“No, it’s not. Say yes,” Taehyung insists.

Jeongguk sighs. His face softens.

“I can’t, Tae.”

Taehyung pouts, loosens his grip a bit. “Why not?”

“I—” Jeongguk bites his lower lip, racking his brain for the right words. “I asked Alie,” he concludes.

“Big deal, you also asked her last year. You ended up crying the entire prom night because she said yes to Sangmin and not you. We had to miss the dance for that, remember? There’s really no use in reliving—”

“She said yes this time,” Jeongguk says quietly, not knowing how his best friend would react.

“Oh,”

“I was going to tell you a little later,” Jeongguk says.

Taehyung nods his head a couple of times, looking away. Jeongguk keeps his eyes on him.

“My homework for ten days then, no negotiations,” Taehyung says, voice loud but unmistakably toothless. He lifts off of Jeongguk and sits on the grass without another word.

“Tae,” Jeongguk sits up too.

“It’s okay Jeonggukie. It was just my one promposal. Plenty of those around,” Taehyung says, smiling for all intents and purposes.

They both hear Jeongguk’s dad’s car honking.

“Well, it’s time for you to go,” Taehyung says, directing to stand up when Jeongguk wraps his fingers on his wrist.

“Tae, a—are you upset?”

“I just wanted to spend prom with my best friend but I realized I already did that last year. It was kinda lame. He was a big crybaby,” Taehyung chuckles.

Jeongguk examines Taehyung’s face, expression on his pensive, calculating even.

“It’s really okay, Jeongguk. I will drop a promposal to an even prettier girl first thing tomorrow, okay?” Taehyung assures him.

They both stand up and Jeongguk witnesses Taehyung flash his boxy grin at him. He asks Jeongguk again, “Okay?”

“Okay, only if you stop saying promposal,” Jeongguk joshes when he feels the awkward air slowly lift.

Taehyung transforms the grin on his face to an unamused frown. “Get the fuck out of my house, Jeon, before I ban you from here forever,” he says.

Taehyung raises a teasing fist and Jeongguk starts running away, giggling.

“I love you, Tae. Don’t forget it. You’re the best!” he yells out almost tripping on a garden tile, running for the gate.

“I—”

Taehyung sighs, watching his best friend hop in his dad’s car for the umpteenth time.

Ü

Tonight, Jeongguk’s striking evening suit and bowtie ensemble is tailored, washed and polished especially for this night.

The ebony three-piece suit he is now putting together in front of the mirror is a twin of Taehyung’s blue one.

Of course.

Dr. Jeon has an emergency at the hospital tonight but he checks on Jeongguk before he goes. Peeking on the side of the full body reflection in his room, the doctor clicks his tongue, winks and points his finger guns at his son for being so gosh darn irresistible like your old man.

Daaad, Jeongguk whines.

As soon as he walks his dad out to the lawn, he finds an unfamiliar car parked behind the old Mercedes. He shrugs.

Jeongguk turns to close the door. His dad yanks his hand and presses something cold against his palm. He sees his dad chuckle, skipping away to his car.

“Oh my g—hey, Dad!” Jeongguk yells out but he is now staring at the brand-new car keys on his hand.

“Take care of her!” his dad cries out.

The smile on Jeongguk’s face is bursting with color and excitement. “I will, Dad!”

“And I meant the car!”

Jeongguk freaks out bad. His legs couldn’t decide whether he should finish getting ready or to go outside to check out his new car. So, the rest of his body decides for him, naturally.

“Hey, it’s Taehyung. I’m not in yet—”

His first instinct is to call his best friend, but his call goes into Taehyung’s voicemail.

“Ugh,” Jeongguk groans typing a text.

Where the hell are you?
Why are you not picking up?
Call me.
ASAP.

Three weeks ago, Taehyung asked one of the cheerleaders, Sue, to be his date to the dance.

Two weeks ago, the best friends did every possible chore in the Kim household, including clearing the leaves in the gutter, so they could borrow Mrs. Kim’s car for prom night because, no Jeongguk, I might be called in to the hospital.

One week ago, they picked out their matching suits for the prom. Taehyung insisted that he will take care of the corsages because seriously Jeon Jeongguk, baby’s breath can’t be corsages.

The night before tonight, the flawless plan had been set—Taehyung brings both corsages when he picks Jeongguk up from his house. After, they pick up Alie and Sue and go to the event.

Now, at ten minutes past go time, Jeongguk is freaking out even more.

“Hey, it’s Taehyung. I’m not in yet—”

His seventh call still goes to Taehyung’s voicemail.

He texts Alie next, saying they will be a couple of minutes late and he steps in his car.

For whatever reason that Taehyung is unreachable, it troubles Jeongguk greatly. Taehyung is always reachable to him.

It takes seven minutes for Jeongguk to get to Taehyung’s house by car, nine if he didn’t deliberately ignore the red lights.

How could he not? His best friend is unreachable.

For two years now, it has only been Taehyung and his mom living together. Seokjin and Namjoon had already moved out of their house and gone to college. They usually come home for most holidays, though.

The car parked on Taehyung’s street could not be his dad’s either because, eventually, he left even before anyone of his children ever got to college.

Jeongguk slows down and parks close to the curb.

The porch lights are on and the gate is swung open. `

“What—?” Jeongguk whispers to himself as he walks through the lawn, the violent drumming in his heart growing.

When Jeongguk takes the first step to ascend the porch deck, the door swings open and he nearly trips.

His eyes pop when Seokjin comes out and shuts the door, looking like he is in a hurry.

“Hyung,” Jeongguk mumbles.

“Hey Jeongguk,” Seokjin mutters, trying to balance two big bags while locking the door, “Help me with this, yeah?”

Jeongguk rushes to sling the bags on his arms.

“What’s happening, hyung? Why are you here? Where is Taehyungie?” Jeongguk asks when the older boy starts marching off the front porch.

Seokjin turns around and takes a look at Jeongguk’s dashing attire. “You’ll miss prom too, if I tell you,” he says.

Startled at first, and confused, halting his steps behind the older boy, it takes Jeongguk a total of five seconds to refocus himself on the one thing he knows to care about.

Not prom. Not the suits or the corsages. Not his brand-new car. Not his date. Not anyone else.

“Where is Taehyungie, hyung?” he asks again.

Seokjin sighs but doesn’t look surprised. “Come on,” the older boy waves.

They take Seokjin’s car but not before he whistles at the shiny new one parked behind his. Jeongguk chuckles shyly and gets in the passenger seat as quickly as he can.

His heart pounds even louder against his ribs when Seokjin types the hospital where his dad works on his GPS.

“Tae is in the hospital?”

Seokjin hums, backing the car and getting on the street in a swift maneuver. “He will be in surgery in a while,” he says too calmly for Jeongguk.

“What? Why? What kind of surgery?” Anxiety explodes in his chest.

“Okay, you freak out like our mom. Stop that,” Seokjin demands.

“Hyung,” Jeongguk says, sounding exactly like a plea.

“Alright,” the older boy says, exiting to a freeway.

“Mom called a little before lunchtime. She said Tae is still curled up in bed sick, won’t eat, won’t move. She asked me and Joon to take turns calling to check up on him while she was at work. When he didn’t answer any of our calls, mom drove home later and Tae said his tummy hurt really bad. Mom said he was squirming and groaning. That was when she brought him to the hospital.”

Jeongguk cracks his knuckles and buries his face in his palms. His own tummy starts to turn sour. “And then?” he asks.

“And then, next thing I know I was speeding through all the roads to get here when mom said Tae’s appendix is the problem and that he has to be in the OR again,” Seokjin answers.

Jeongguk feels lightheaded. He focuses on the lines on the road while trying to breathe normally. He keeps silent but the fires inside him flicker and smoke out of his skin. Taehyung is hurting and he is not there to comfort him. His best friend barely got up today and he waited until he could put the last button on his stupid suit to run to him.

Jeongguk snaps back to humming engine and blinking turn signal lights when Seokjin sinks a hand on his shoulder firmly. “Hey, he’s going to be okay,” he says softly but certainly.

He’s going to be okay.

“Yeah,” Jeongguk responds blankly, hardly relieved. All he wants right now is to see his best friend.

After a few more minutes, Seokjin drives by the hospital lobby.

In his haze, Jeongguk blanks out. He blinks and shakes his head. The next thing he realizes, he is already inside the elevator unaware where it leads.

His eyes travel to the floor button panel. The fifth floor is illuminated.

Ask for Tae’s room at the fifth floor. I’m just going to park the car. Seokjin’s voice resonates in his head.

His shoulders register the weight of the bags hanging on them. The elevator dings and the doors part.

Fifth floor, the robotic, automated voice announces.

Jeongguk steps out of the elevator, closer to Taehyung now, he reckons, and hence, suddenly less distracted.

Fifth floor.
Kim Taehyung.

“Miss, here for Kim Taehyung please. Where is his room?” Jeongguk asks the woman sitting by the nurse’s station.

She smiles humbly and types on the monitor in front of her. “One second,” she mutters.

Before Jeongguk could look both ways to examine the hallways on either side of the station, the woman is already speaking again. “Mr. Kim is in the second to the last door at the end of that wing. Room 521.”

Jeongguk glances at where the woman is pointing and looks back at her.

“What time is the surgery, Miss?” he asks.

“In an hour, the earliest. We’re still waiting for Dr. Je—”

“Okay, thank you very much.” Jeongguk doesn’t even let her finish. He bows and walks away from the station.

Jeongguk walks through the sterile halls remembering the way it looks exactly the same in every corner for all these years.

He is a social visitor in the hospital. As a child, his dad would let him tag along the corridors while he did his rounds. At five, he had especially found entertainment in the play area in the pediatric ward where his dad usually let him stay. Many trips later, and when his reading skills developed even more, he consumed just about all the children’s books in that mini library.

Will you read this with me?

One day, when Jeongguk was six, nose buried in a pirate book, a vibrant little boy came up to him.

Planting a Rainbow by Lois Ehlert, Jeongguk scans the book the boy was showing him.

Jeongguk’s face becomes puzzled as he had never seen that particular book in here before.

Is that your book? he asked the cheerful boy.

It’s Joonie hyung’s. But he gave it to me today. While he and Seokjin hyung are busy in school.

That day was Taehyung’s first time in the hospital. His mom worked three floors below them and she had to bring him because his brothers were in school and his dad did not come home the night before.

My mom doesn’t come home too. It’s just me and my dad, Jeongguk says when Taehyung talks about his dad.

Oh, are your parents also diverse?

Diverse? Jeongguk’s eyebrows furrow.

Yes. My brothers said that it’s when two people become very different from each other and they have to be apart. They become diverse.

Hmm, I guess my parents are also diverse then.

It is not until years later that Taehyung’s parents gradually turn out to be much more diverse than he thought.

Taehyung was already much older when he realized that his then young mind misunderstood the situation, that diverse and divorce are two very different things. It is just so that both things happened to his parents eventually.

It was an emotionally heavy blow indeed but Taehyung did not have to do it alone. His brothers and mother were an entire body of strength and understanding despite having the exact same struggle weigh in on them too.

On top of that, however, Taehyung’s other great comfort was having Jeongguk, his best friend, beside him when it was happening too. And that was one of Taehyung’s more preserved and cherished gratitudes in his life, just having Jeongguk in it.

Jeongguk knocks twice before he swings inside the room. The place is dimly lit. The first sound he hears is a machine beeping and the mild blowing of the humidifier on the far side of the bed.

Nobody else is inside the room. Jeongguk squints to make sense of a lump of fluffy blankets on the hospital bed.

“Tae?” Jeongguk whispers moving quietly closer.

The blankets shift and Jeongguk pulls a chair up. He examines the body in front of him. Taehyung is facing away, his back on Jeongguk, curled tightly on his stomach.

Jeongguk sits down and drags the chair closer.

“Where does it hurt, Tae?”

There is no answer.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” Jeongguk says.

Taehyung shushes him. When Jeongguk leans on the bed, he feels movement under the blanket.

“You smell like gardenias, Jeonggukie,” Taehyung says weakly.

“How did you even—yeah, I was supposed to go to prom,” Jeongguk emphasizes playfully.

“Oh, what happened?”

“My best friend got a lame tummy ache,” Jeongguk teases.

Taehyung tries to laugh but whimpers in the middle of it.

“Sorry, I’ll stop joking,” Jeongguk says.

“Did you get to wear your suit?” Taehyung asks.

“Mhmm,”

“You should still go when they take me to surgery,”

Jeongguk slips his hand under the blanket and feels for Taehyung’s hand. The grip that tightens on his hand goes with a pained groan.

“Not a chance,” Jeongguk says.

He leans in some more, reaches out his other hand to run soft touches down Taehyung’s back. The fingers that touch Taehyung’s hand trace gentle strokes on his skin.

Taehyung’s mom enters the room a little later. Seokjin and Jeongguk’s dad follow her. They find Jeongguk still squished against the blankets when the lights go on.

“Tae, honey, Dr. Jeon is here,” Mrs. Kim announces.

“Of course, you would miss your prom again,” Jeongguk’s dad comments humorously when he gets a glimpse of his son beside the bed.

“You look really handsome though, Jeongguk. I wish you had just let this night pass and gone to the dance, sweetie,” Mrs. Kim adds. She catches up beside the doctor, who walked right to the bed.

“Believe me, if he could do the surgery himself so he would not have to leave Tae’s side, he probably would. These two are as tight as needlepoint.”

Mrs. Kim just nudges at Dr. Jeon’s arm, gaze on him soft.

“Seriously, I get him a car to use tonight and he goes to the hospital instead,” Dr. Jeon adds in a mimicked whisper.

“Amen,” Seokjin chimes in. “It’s a beautiful car, Dr. J, by the way.”

“How are you feeling, my love?” Mrs. Kim says softly brushing strands of hair off her son’s face.

Jeongguk straightens himself on his seat and Taehyung almost doesn’t let go of his hand under the blankets. Jeongguk lingers his palm over Taehyung’s wrist before pulling his hand away.

“They’re just finishing another surgery and then we’ll get you ready for yours too after, okay?” Dr. Jeon says. “Can you lie down straight for me a little bit, Taehyung?”

Taehyung slowly turns and grunts half of the way to face the ceiling. Jeongguk moves away so his dad can examine Taehyung.

After a few moments, Dr. Jeon performs a flawless surgery.

The procedure and post-operative monitoring took a couple of hours but no complications were evident. Taehyung’s appendix was just swollen sporadically.

Jeongguk falls asleep on a chair in his prom clothes while waiting for his best friend’s operation to be over.

Later, his dad drags him home only after Taehyung is settled back to his hospital bed.

“I’ll be back tomorrow, Taehyungie,” he whispers groggily to an equally groggy Taehyung.

“And all the rest of the days after, you can bet,” his dad teases, rolling his eyes.

The thick, gray air in Room 521 clears out that same night. Still the better ending for any night, Jeongguk thinks.

Nevermind that it could have ended differently for him at the prom.

Jeongguk goes straight to Taehyung’s house every day after school since he got discharged.

Every time, he packs Taehyung’s missed lessons and homework for the day in a bag. Despite missing his prom date with Alie, he insists on honoring their deal before prom night.

“Jeongguk, you didn’t even get to attend prom. The deal is void. Why are you doing this?” Taehyung asks after a few days. He winces mildly at a blunt sensation on his wound as he lowers himself to sit on the carpet where Jeongguk is, surrounded by all sorts of loose papers and notebooks.

“Because,” Jeongguk replies, biting on the end of his pencil, face serious and concentrating, “I promised to do your homework for ten days, no negotiations.”

“You didn’t get to attend prom,” Taehyung says animatedly, slowly punctuating each word with mini karate chops of his hand.

“I still didn’t get to attend prom with you,” Jeongguk counters, mimicking Taehyung’s hand-slicing-air movements comically. “We had that deal because I essentially rejected your promposal,” Jeongguk asks, not even holding back on the air quotes.

“Is that your real reason?”

“No, that’s my fake reason. Really?” Jeongguk teases.

“Jeonggukie!”

Jeongguk groans. He puts down his pencil and a straight face on. He knows there is no way around a whiny Taehyung.

“Fine. My real answer is, I need you to graduate on time, too. With me, I mean,” Jeongguk says looking up, meeting Taehyung’s gaze. “I can’t go off to college without a roommate.”

Jeongguk says that last line weakly, a finger goes up his nose scratching awkwardly.

The room goes silent for a moment.

Eyes still on Jeongguk, Taehyung bites back a snort.

“Really, Tae? I’m trying to be—” Jeongguk stares at Taehyung with stern eyes.

Taehyung playfully fakes a dramatic expression on his face—eyebrows crashing, mouth quavering, pouty. He exaggeratedly blinks his eyes, rolls his irises upwards and fans invisible tears with his hand repeatedly.

“Oh shut up,” Jeongguk says, chuckle escaping with his words. “You are so unserious, you know that,” he adds, starting to get off the carpet.

“I didn’t say anyt—”

Taehyung tries to withhold a loud laugh and Jeongguk springs to attack his neck and shoulders. Taehyung couldn’t help but giggle as he falls carelessly on the carpet under Jeongguk’s teasing shove.

“No, stop!” Taehyung shrieks, folding his head against his neck both ways and squirming.

If anyone knows where Kim Taehyung is most ticklish too, it’s his best friend Jeon Jeongguk. And right now, Jeongguk is out for his blood.

“Jeongguk, no!”

Jeongguk ignores Taehyung’s pleas and jumps on top of him, straddling his hips while he struggles on the floor laughing breathless.

"You're going to college with me!"

"I won't if you don't get off me," Taehyung wheezes.

“Tell me you’ll room with me,” Jeongguk teases incessantly.

“No, you get a room with Alie!” Taehyung teases back, giggling and panting at the same time.

Jeongguk scrunches his nose and steps up the tickle war. He positions both of Taehyung’s arms above his head, grabbing both wrists with one hand.

Jeongguk is not much stronger than Taehyung, not with just one hand forcing both the other one’s arms down, but the fact is, Taehyung seems to similarly calm down almost immediately every time Jeongguk shows even just a tiny bit of aggression.

“What did you say?” Jeongguk asks, voice low and threatening, but his face has a mischievous smirk on.

He touches Taehyung’s jaw with the fingers of his free hand. Taehyung’s chest rises and falls fast.

“Nothing,” Taehyung mutters quietly, eyes big and apologetic.

“I said, what did you say?” Jeongguk asks again, mockingly, fingers now descending slowly, caressing Taehyung's neck.

Taehyung bites his lips together, breathing still heavy.

“Nothi—”

Taehyung doesn’t get to finish answering when Jeongguk precipitously strikes, fingers trailing through Taehyung’s neck, fingernails grazing through his skin.

Taehyung roars, cackling beautifully, eyes shut, watery. His body wiggles uncontrollably, trying to escape.

“Sssst—stooop, Jeong—, I can’t,” Taehyung hopelessly cries out.

“Tell me who your roommate is,” Jeongguk demands, a wide grin plastered on his face too.

“Jeonggukie, you’re crushing me. It h-hurts,” Taehyung pouts.

Taehyung is not much wittier than Jeongguk, but the fact is, he knows that, like him, Jeongguk would also do just about anything to make sure his best friend is okay. That is how he gets Jeongguk to stop tickling him.

“Oh my God, Tae. I’m sorry,” Jeongguk releases Taehyung’s wrists and gets off of him quickly. “I didn’t mean to make you laugh so much. Where? Where does it hurt?”

Taehyung rolls around excessively, groaning, hands recoil immediately to the left side of his stomach.

“Where?” On your wound?” Jeongguk asks again, sounding worried and rueful.

“Here,” Taehyung points at his stomach weakly.

“It hurts, my appendix, oww,” he whimpers.

Jeongguk learned how to dress Taehyung’s wound in the hospital from his dad. Since Taehyung got home, Jeongguk did it daily after class.

After the first few days of hesitating, whining and fighting over heavy touches of antiseptic-soaked cotton on fresh wound, Jeongguk’s hands steady and take care of Taehyung’s wounds more finely and confidently.

Soon, Taehyung barely even feels pain anymore when Jeongguk cleans his wound.

Later, the wound doesn’t even soak anymore and dressing it is hardly necessary.

Today, when Jeongguk examined Taehyung’s abdomen, the scarring is beginning to look almost good as healed.

Taehyung stops moving and opens his eyes cautiously in the same five seconds that he realizes his dumbass mistake. His head turns to Jeongguk who is already shaking his head, unamused but a smirk is forming on his face.

“You sneaky little dope,” he says bursting into laughter as soon as the words escape his mouth. “What else hurts, huh, your tonsils?”

Taehyung laughs with him and the entire night just filled with more goofiness as they continue bickering and striking surprise tickles while finishing their homework.

A few weeks before graduation, they work on their college applications in between studying and pizza breaks.

Jeongguk’s passions as a child were meaningfully driven, focused—science, animals, how certain mechanisms work, the human body included especially. At eleven, he declared that he would become a doctor like his dad. Since then, his path to medical school began to mold accordingly–get good grades, select a pre-medical course in college, kill it in med school, perform surgeries. It is only a matter of time before he fulfills his dreams.

Taehyung on the other hand, is a hearty dough of a person, always grateful to live one day at a time, always has at least one more second to smell the flowers. Between the two best friends, his personality is the softer, more relaxed and more easy going one.

When things don’t fall in the right places, Taehyung would know better than to lose his cool in a situation before finding a solution. Instead, he adjusts beautifully almost always. Because of that, his path runs a bit more crooked than Jeongguk’s.

This is how he is now giggling when Jeongguk snaps his head to him, eyebrows furrowed, a hint of displeasure already hanging by the breath he is holding in.

The last stretch of the applications is filling out the forms and submitting them the next week. Everything is mostly set so tonight they decide to take a little break.

They watch an animated Japanese movie in Taehyung's bed until the early hours of Sunday.

When they sit up again and start accomplishing the forms, Jeongguk hits a tender nerve, the mother of them all.

“Taehyungie, college course?” Jeongguk repeats, arms crossing his chest.

And it is not as if Taehyung never thought of this at all yet. He just thinks he maybe has more time to mull it over.

“Business ad, final answer,” Taehyung mumbles when he recognizes Jeongguk shift to his serious tone.

“And you talked to your mom about this?”

“My mom, Seokjin hyung, Namjoon hyung, yes,” Taehyung chants.

“Then why was it Biology five nights ago?” Jeongguk interrogates.

“I changed my mind,” Taehyung shrugs lightly.

"Tae,"

"It's 4am on a Sunday, Jeongguk. You're asking too much from me!" he whines.

“Taaae,” Jeongguk mimics his agitated voice, “you have to be sure, or at least sure that your heart can settle on something you can bear with for four years.”

Jeongguk is right. Jeongguk is mostly right. This time, choosing a college course takes more than just a gut feeling or a mood or whether Jungkook is attending the same classes or not or if he can sit beside Jeongguk in the school bus.

No.

For many years, Taehyung picked seats, classes, clubs, even prom suits always considering what his best friend wants. Most of the time, they like the same things. But at times when they don’t, Taehyung would always adjust, adapt, or give way easily and effortlessly. Aside from not minding to be with Jeongguk all the time, Taehyung just likes to go with the flow, usually on the path of least resistance.

College is a no baby, no child, no immature person zone, though. College is more than freedom, block parties and alcohol runs put together. College, Taehyung discerns, is where people achieve their dreams and where people discover themselves. College holds room for ambition, demands for much adjustments. College is not just going with the flow; college can have much resistance than one can handle.

Suddenly, Taehyung feels less excited about stepping out of his comfort zone.

“Tae?” Jeongguk waves his way to Taehyung’s vision.

Taehyung snaps out of his thoughts. “Hmm?”

“I—I didn’t mean to scare you,” Jeongguk says, voice low and comforting.

“You didn’t. I do agree with you. I just—well, it hit me more now that our roads start to fork wider as we grow older. I think I’m more woeful than scared really,” Taehyung says, his shoulders visibly slump with his tone.

Jeongguk drops the pen on his hand and crawls closer to Taehyung’s side. “Let’s drive somewhere,” he says.

“I’m not sad,” Taehyung blurts out.

“Yes you are, get your coat,” Jeongguk demands, hand already turning the doorknob.

“Wait up, where are we going?” Taehyung says, catching up to Jeongguk to the front door.

“You’ll see.”

Ü

“It’s not open yet, Jeonggukie.”

Taehyung lets himself out of the car while questioning his best friend’s choices.

Jeongguk just chuckles to himself, pushing the car door shut.

It is five-something o’clock and the ill-harmonizing, two-person carpool karaoke drive in Jeongguk’s car took at least forty-five minutes to get them to their destination.

The observatory is a massive dome, an already majestic monument in itself. But it is closed at this time for sure.

The dawn is yet to break so the place is still more dark than bright. Rings of light illuminate under and around the structure’s cement sides. Its rounded roof is beautifully curved blue glass that lie dormant in the late hour.

“Okay, this is grand and all, but—” Taehyung startles when he turns around and doesn’t find Jeongguk.

“Hey,” he calls out briefly, “Jeonggukie, where did you go?”

Taehyung starts walking towards and then around the building. It gets even darker as he frisks the cold walls to the backside of the observatory.

“Jeon Jeongguk, I swear I’m going to run out of here if you don’t—aaahh!” Taehyung actually hits hard flesh, aimless, with his palm in the dark.

Jeongguk curled his fingers on Taehyung’s wrist while he was monologuing and threatening to leave.

“Ouch,” Jeongguk says not really sounding hurt. He rubs at his shoulder.

“Jesus fuck, Jeongguk, don’t sneak up on me like that!”

“Shh, I’m trying to locate the—ouch!” Jeongguk yelps in actual pain this time.

"What? What is it? Are you okay?" Taehyung frets.

Jeongguk hisses, his knee cap throbbing above its joint. His leg hits with a loud clang a hollow, steel tube, exactly what he is looking to find.

"Come on, sit here," Jeongguk pushes Taehyung's shoulders down to what feels like a tiny stoop against the observatory. Taehyung settles and moves his head around to follow Jeongguk's silhouette.

"Are we sneaking? The telescope is off, Jeongguk, what are you even–"

Jeongguk limps back behind the metal hand railing and palpates the walls again.

"We're not using the telescope tonight, Tae," he mutters.

"Then why did we drive all the way to the observatory?" Taehyung hisses.

Taehyung hears a flick and a bright light floods from a dangling cove lamp.

"So I can show you those," Jeongguk points to where the warm light scatters from the stoop to a grassy clearing.

"What am I looking at?"

Taehyung squints and adjusts his retinas to the mixture of the warm cove light and the appearing bands of early dawn. They focus on slender, twiggy, bushy plants that surround the observatory.

"Oh my," Taehyung gasps. "I didn't know baby's breaths grew out in the wild like this."

He stands to get a closer look at the little white blossoms that silently sway in the blowing wind.

"How did you know about these?" Taehyung asks, stretching his fingers to touch the tips of the blooms.

Jeongguk's lips tighten.

Taehyung looks up when he hears no answer.

The morning hues that brush the skies are soft in contrast to Jeongguk's features, which are strong and angular. The view is like a vignette-edged portrait. Too many times, Taehyung catches himself admiring the growth that bestowed itself on Jeongguk, his smart, kind, handsome best friend.

He tunes out for a moment.

"I noticed them in a photo of the observatory online. I was pretty surprised, myself," Jeongguk says, taking his place beside Taehyung.

"Yeah, how so?"

"Baby's breaths are noxious weeds in the Pacific Northwest and California but in small towns outside of the US, they're uncommon if not artificially cultivated," Jeongguk says.

Taehyung's eyes widen and an impressed expression plasters on his face.

"What?" Jeongguk asks.

"So, you do listen when I put on The Flowerlounge podcast!" Taehyung teases, nudging a shoulder on his.

"I really don't have a choice, Tae."

"Of course, you do. You can hang out somewhere else!"

Jeongguk and Taehyung look at the slowly rising sun. They look at the dancing heaps of floral bushes. They feel the morning winds blow.

"I can do that. But you know I don't want to," Jeongguk says.

Taehyung snickers. "Me too. I'd rather listen to your nerd podcasts too."

"Hey!"

The start of spring unravels before them.

"Feel better?" Jeongguk side-eyes Taehyung as he drives them back home.

"Much. Thank you, Jeonggukie," Taehyung says, his tone significantly spritelier this time.

The road is wide and silent, hardly any other cars passing by. Sundays tend to give off that calm ambience, an actual perfect time for a relaxed road trip.

"Why business administration?" Jeongguk asks, breaking the comfortable silence.

"Hmm, my brothers and I plan to get rich by selling anything that Seokjin hyung can advertise with his face and shoulders," Taehyung chortles. “Or we can sell what he feels like cooking,” he adds.

Jeongguk nods comically. "That's a really good plan."

Taehyung snickers, his chin propped on his palm.

"And why did you choose Biology before that?" Jeongguk asks again.

"Oh,” Taehyung perks and looks ahead, “because the Biology building is right next to your building," Taehyung answers easily.

Jeongguk scrunches his nose, eyes drifting to Taehyung's face. Taehyung has the best smile, he thinks.

"And you're absolutely sure now that you don't want to learn about life forms and mitochondria?" Jeongguk teases.

Taehyung slaps him on the shoulder. “Shut up and drive.”

Jeongguk swipes a smooth turn to the freeway toward the flourishing sunrise.

"What the hell even is a mitochondria?" Taehyung asks, rhetorically.

Jeongguk's laughter breaks out like a beautiful explosion—rich, energetic, and flamboyant. When Taehyung’s glossy, rounder baritone harmonizes with it, they make a boundless symphony.

Jeongguk is nervous about college too. He is not any more knowledgeable about university than Taehyung. At the back of his mind, if he dares to uncover what kind of life he would have soon, he is only happy that his best friend is there to experience the same things for the first time too.

Together, they will face a new chapter in their lives like a brand-new sun has just risen on their days too.

Ü

Jeongguk’s dad convoys behind his car to the university. Most of Taehyung’s stuff are in his trunk and Jeongguk’s stuff are in his own.

The new roommates move in to their dorm a few days before college starts and Jeongguk’s dad volunteered to help them settle in.

“Could it be a new job?” Taehyung asks excitedly, tugging at Jeongguk’s sleeve.

“He only said he is going to meet with the director of the hospital,” Jeongguk answers.

Taehyung huffs. “You didn’t even ask him what for?”

“It doesn’t feel like he knows a lot about it yet either.”

“What happens to your house if he gets transferred to the nearby hospital?” Taehyung muses, then whines immediately after. “What if he buys a house there? You’d have to live with him and I won’t have a roommate anymore!”

“Tae,”

“Oh my God, how far is that hospital from the university? I have to know if we can hang out every day,” Taehyung taps quickly on his phone.

“Tae, don’t—”

“An hour by bus? That’s a drag. Tell him to adopt me!” Taehyung bleats.

“He’s not moving t—”

“I’ll cook every day,” Taehyung interrupts.

Jeongguk lifts his hand off the steering wheel and reaches out to Taehyung. He deliberately dips his fingers lightly on Taehyung’s neck which stops him from fretting instantly. He gasps into a laugh when Jeongguk burrows his touches even deeper on his skin.

“Stooo—” Taehyung presses himself against the passenger door and away from Jeongguk. He tries to shove Jeongguk’s hand and escape his tickle grip but Jeongguk digs his fingers to follow Taehyung’s every move.

“You’re killing me, Jeonggukie,” Taehyung says, words buried in breathless giggles.

Jeongguk’s silent snickering is just as endearing.

“Stop freaking out then,” Jeongguk demands.

“Okay, okay. I won’t talk abou—Jeongguk I can’t—” Jeongguk caresses, holds on a bit longer and then finally lets go of the crook of Taehyung’s neck.

Taehyung draws in one deep breath. “God, I almost died. You’ll be the death of me, you know that Jeonggukie?”

“You always say that,” Jeongguk snorts.

“It’s because it’s true.”

Their eyes meet for a moment before Jeongguk snaps his head back to the road.

It’s another minute when Taehyung talks again.

“But serious question though,” he begins, “after his meeting today, if your dad gets transferred to the bigger hospital, and he buys a house,”

“I won’t move out of our dorm,” Jeongguk cuts Taehyung off.

Taehyung flashes a soft, charmed smile. “Okay,” he sighs contentedly, “but can I, though? Move ou—”

Jeongguk groans with his teeth grit. “Oh my—you little—” he stretches his arm to grab Taehyung again but his best friend seizes his hand before could reach him.

He struggles to retrieve his hand but Taehyung curls both his hands on Jeongguk’s arm.

“I’m kidding! Shh, calm down,” Taehyung appeals.

Jeongguk scoffs.

“You always rile up easily, Jeonggukie,” Taehyung says playfully, squeezing lightly everywhere on Jeongguk’s arm.

“Yeah? Why do you think that is?” Jeongguk taunts.

Taehyung lets go of Jeongguk’s arm. He snickers quietly.

Between the two, Taehyung is the perky, enthusiastic one. Jeongguk tends to be reflective and reserved most times. If Taehyung is a dancing, beaming blast of brightness, Jeongguk is his timid corners that collect and manage his eruptive euphoria. Together, they are a wound, perfectly blended cup of sunshine.

Most days, the sides of the cup are upright and bearing. Some days, it tips on the brims spilling a bit of its rays.

Some days, the cup wobbles and plays about.

“Tae?”

“Yeah, Jeonggukie?” Taehyung responds vibrantly.

“You can’t cook for shit,” Jeongguk snorts before he could even finish his comment.

The rest of the trip is equal parts yelling unified choruses of every Justin Bieber song and talking about everything else that comes up to the conversation—from high school memories to plans for upcoming weekends.

We’re attending lots of parties, Jeonggukie.

With alcohol limit and no smoking.

Pfft

I mean it.

Fine.
Bossy.

Jeongguk puts his foot down with a straight face always—put your seatbelt on, bring your hoodie, it’s cold outside, give me that knife, I’ll do it, but Taehyung manages to scratch at his ear every time, unwinding him like a little puppy dog.

He may have found Taehyung’s ticklish spot and have used it against him many times but likewise, Taehyung discovered what makes Jeongguk weak too.

Ü

Their first few parties are fun but tentative. Everything they did are exploratory and exciting.

Jeongguk gets drunk first and Taehyung laughs hard at that. But he washes off Jeongguk’s puke from their toilet bowl after dragging him all the way home to his bed.

When Taehyung gets drunk in another party, he insists on sitting by the riverbanks for a little while. He stumbles and plops on the pavement while Jeongguk is lugging most of his weight. When he settles on a comfortable position, he fumbles about and grabs Jeongguk, pulling him down beside him.

“I got a B+ on my midterm paper today, Jeonggukie,” Taehyung mumbles.

Jeongguk looks at Taehyung beside him with a stunned face. “Wow, that’s great! You barely slept making that.”

“Mmhmm, t—thah’s that’s w—why we are celebrrrating,” he says, his cheeks rising to a smile when he moves his face closer to Jeongguk’s charmed one.

Jeongguk doesn’t move a muscle when Taehyung scoots some more and hooks his chin on his shoulder. He only stares at his best friend—eyelids droopy, cheeks pink and swollen, lips plump from all the alcohol.

“The river is beautiful right? I told you.” Taehyung says, woodsy and crusty smell of beer on his breath fanning Jeongguk’s face.

“You’re not even looking at it, Tae,” Jeongguk replies, eyes still fixed on Taehyung’s drowsy face.

Taehyung’s eyes opens and that’s when Jeongguk’s cheeks flush.

“I’m not. I’m looking at you,” Taehyung croaks.

Taehyung lifts his head off Jeongguk’s shoulder but his eyes remain on him. “You’re beautiful too, Jeongguk. Anyone ever told you that?”

Jeongguk looks away to the river and chuckles awkwardly. “You’re really drunk.”

“So, I guess I’ll tell you again. Bec—because I’m yoursss,”

Jeongguk’s skin suddenly prickles. He feels his heart race a little. He doesn’t know what he is expecting to hear after that, but he keeps himself still for whatever it may be.

“What?” he asks, voice doubtful and shaky, while turning to face Taehyung when he doesn’t hear an answer.

Jeongguk startles when he finds Taehyung wobbling and leaning, nearly toppling over, his eyes closed again.

His reflexes spike and jars his senses as he grabs his best friend’s body right before Taehyung jolts himself forward. “Okay, let’s go. We’re going home.”

Jeongguk loosens the arms that he wrapped around Taehyung to pull him up from the ground.

Taehyung whines. “Not yet, Jeonggukie. Let’s stay a little longer,” he says.

Jeongguk stays still when Taehyung cozies himself, propped against his chest. His breathing is silent and even, his eyes are shut and calm.

Jeongguk debates with himself if best friends can wrap their arms around each other if not to save them from dropping their faces on the floor. He immediately decides against it and positions his arms awkwardly away from Taehyung.

He lets Taehyung rest some more while his mind begins to race with his heart.

Because I’m yoursss
Because I’m yoursss?

Jeongguk gets lost in his thoughts, taking in the tranquil early morning around them.

Because I’m yoursssupportive best friend. Right? Jeongguk blinks his eyes as if intending to brush off the tiredness in his mind.

Because I’m yoursssplendid roommate? Right?

Jeongguk shakes his head lightly, careful not to wake Taehyung up. He doesn’t but he feels Taehyung adjust his body and lean closer.

When Jeongguk comes across another chance to study his best friend’s face tonight, his sober eyes see it clearer, too.

Taehyung is beautiful.

He is beautiful not in the way that a woman is beautiful. His features are muted and sharp at the same time. His skin is dewy and unblemished but raw and bronzed finely in exposed places. Traces of facial hair dot his chin and cupid’s bow when he hasn’t shaved in three days.

Jeongguk couldn't help it. He swipes the strand of hair hanging on Taehyung's face and tucks it behind his ear.

Taehyung's eyelashes catch Jeongguk's attention next. They are long and bold, pleasing and fanned out too meticulously, especially when they flutter. Even the moles on his face are known to Jeongguk, so well that he would be able to tell if they ever go missing.

He wonders if Taehyung meant it when he called him that too, beautiful.

He wonders even deeply what Taehyung saw when he said it, or if he was sober enough to mean it.

Ü

Namjoon visits Taehyung one spring night.

It is muggy and wet from the first rains so the brothers are inside a cozy bar tonight.

Apparently, Namjoon began to take a liking to single malt liquor towards his last year of college since Hoseok gifted him a really expensive bottle for his birthday.

That is why their third round of drinks gets him only mildly tipsy while Taehyung’s mind is already swirling with all sorts of nostalgic thoughts while exchanging stories with his brother.

“Jeongguk really too busy to share a drink with us?” Namjoon pouts.

Taehyung chuckles, waving his arm out to the waiter for a refill. “Even I can’t drag him out for dinner when he is buried in schoolwork.”

“Exams closing in?”

“Mmm, and his major subjects are really kicking him on the shins,” Taehyung says, pushing his glass towards the edge of the table for the waiter to collect.

“Would have been nice to chat with that little nerd too.”

“Little?” Taehyung scoffs, “That giant nerd barely goes out anymore since the start of this semester.”

“Oh?” Namjoon says, raising his glass to his lips.

“Yeah. I invite him for a Friday night out and he counter proposes that we stay up to study ass muscles instead.”

Namjoon chortles. “Surely, you need to study too, sometime. Why don’t you just join him?”

“Yeah, not on a Friday night, Joonie hyung,” Taeyung says, rolling his eyes.

“Point taken,” Namjoon sighs, “What about you then? Doing okay?”

Taehyung knows Namjoon has put on the big brother skin now.

He shrugs. “Doing better than last year, I guess.”

Taehyung’s first year in college was indeed an archive of experiences that fit its time and name—firsts.

Taehyung had his first teacher crush at fourth period—his riveting 30-something professor whose muscles bulge against his sleeves every time he flexed to write something on the board. He told Jeongguk all about him over their dinners until the end of that math course. He eventually moved on to the next hot teacher faster than he could say B minus.

His first acquaintance party was in that very bar where they are sitting, everyone was vibrant and the drinks overflowed.

He joined his first out of school activity come second semester—it was a Botany club project held in a greenhouse site. He had over two hundred photos of flowers and fruit alone.

He attended his first mini Christmas concert at the school auditorium with Jeongguk before they went home for the holidays.

His least favorite experience was almost failing an accounting class. That would have been his first time failing any subject ever. It wasn’t a particularly difficult course; in fact, he enjoyed it at first. He fell back largely in his midterms exam and got discouraged, naturally. It took a few weeks before he put his big boy pants back and gave that subject a piece of him again.

His best friend, of course, was his trusty sidekick in this entire hurricane of a feat—sharpened his pencils, set his alarms for his all-nighters, sat beside him through all of them, made sure his coffee pot was warm and that their pantry was stocked.

If he hadn’t stopped him, Jeongguk would have learned the entire course for Taehyung just so he could teach it to him.

Indeed, all those firsts were many things—sometimes disheartening, terrifying, upsetting, but mostly thrilling and motivating.

“That’s good to hear, Tae. I mean, it could be scary sometimes but I have no doubt you can pick yourself up every time it gets extra challenging. But in case it’s just ass fuck inhuman, I’m a phone call away, you know that yeah?”

Taehyung heard just about every word of encouragement from his family and friends during that time of his life, but a few more wouldn’t hurt.

“Never say ass fuck to me ever again, hyung,” Taehyung says.

“Why, remind you of other things? What things?” Namjoon pesters Taehyung.

“Okay, that’s it. The sincere moment is ruined, hyung. Thanks much.”

Namjoon laughs enthusiastically, nudging his brother on his shoulder. His dimple digs deep on his cheek and Taehyung is endeared.

“Anyone special I should know about?” Namjoon asks, later.

Taehyung just sneers. “Ask me again next spring,” he says.

“Oh, come on. Look, I’m dating. Seokjin hyung has Mini. Even mom is seeing that HR guy,” Namjoon reassures.

“What HR guy?” Taehyung roars.

“Don’t change the subject!” Namjoon counters.

“Ugh, fine,” Taehyung exhales, “I haven’t liked liked anyone in a long time, okay?”

“No one in your classes?” Namjoon probes.

“No one I’d date,” Taehyung answers bluntly.

“No one in those parties you go to?”

“Hmm, no one I’d date again,”

“No one you’re afraid to ask out on a date?”

“Please, no,” Taehyung whines.

“Okay, so just Jeongguk then?”

Taehyung doesn’t have a surefire answer for that. The question takes him by surprise, hence he bites his tongue.

Namjoon’s smirk is buried in the glass he starts sipping on again.

Taehyung stares at his brother too long, eyes equally shocked at the fact that he walked right into that one and the other fact he had to be tricked that way for his own mind to admit it to himself.

During that first year in college, aside from that one dreadful experience, Taehyung adjusted fairly adequately with the environment, with his subjects and with the culture in general. But having the energetic soul in him, college culture to Taehyung was not just classes, libraries and exams. It was also org parties, extra curriculars and expectedly, a good time always.

Taehyung went out to social events almost every month, exams month included. At first, he dragged Jeongguk with him to every party and they drank until they were throwing up.

Jeongguk would introduce Taehyung to his blockmates; Taehyung would push Jeongguk to hook up with some of his org mates.

Sometimes they each would end up in a random person’s arms but so far, they still stumble back to their dorm room too shortly after.

They would talk about their experiences later, the differences between groping males and females, or their weird affinities to their own beds even when their hook ups already drag them somewhere else.

I just don’t like them, Taehyung would complain about a guy’s ears after feeling them right before they make out.

She was too handsy, Jeongguk would declare about another one of Taehyung’s friends.

No matter what it was, everybody they tried to get lucky with turned out to be the same thing, an ultra-short fling.

Tonight, with the help of liters of alcohol and Namjoon’s sly interrogations, Taehyung is plagued with confusing thoughts about his best friend and his incognito feelings for him, if those were allowed. If it is something he could add to his firsts list or not still remains a question to him.

While it is not impossible that Taehyung really hasn’t liked anyone in a long time, it still is a fact, and it comes back to him now, that he dismisses potential lovers all too quickly all the time.

The other trouble in his mind is if Jeongguk is the same or it is just his cloudy, intoxicated head imagining things.

He stumbles on their dorm room. He stumbles on the hyeon gwan, stumbles on shoes in it—his and Jeongguk’s. He stumbles on everything on his way like how he stumbled on his newly-tiled walkway of realizations today.

“Jeongguk!” Taehyung calls out, clapping a hand on his mouth when he registers how silent it actually is at this hour.

He cruises on the walls and limps on one side of the kitchen area, not even flipping any lights on. He bumps on the dishwasher, making a mixture of sounds—silverware jangling, ceramic bowls clinking, glasses chiming.

He curls the fingers over his mouth towards his palm, leaving his index finger above his lips. “Shh,” he evokes himself.

“Jeonggukie,” he whispers this time, while trying to steady himself against the counter, “are you still busy, Jeonggukie.”

When he crams, Jeongguk studies on their tiny dining table or on the kitchen counter. When his fort is left unguarded during an all-nighter, it only means he has taken either a bathroom break or a power nap.

He never abandons an all-nighter for anything—not for dinner, not for a Youtube break, not for sleep. The all-nighter always extends ‘til sunrise.

But right now, all the lights are off—the kitchen swing lamp, the common area bay lights, the underside space of bathroom door where a slit of light usually escapes, all are switched off.

Taehyung tapped into unchartered thoughts earlier tonight but he did not intend to come home to confuse Jeongguk with them, especially not in the middle of the semester, no, Taehyung would never do that to him.

“Jeongguk,” he says, voice raspy, coated with a slight shiver. His eyes adjust to the darkness a little, but he still wobbles, trying to make his way to the bedroom.

The light switches are further away so he scoops his phone out of his pocket to illuminate a path. As soon as he flips the screen up, it lights up and begins to vibrate, alarming his inebriated state.

He takes a shaky step and hits what he supposes is the coffee table. He hears something roll off and smash on the tiled floor.

The sensation he registers next, aside from his gentle nausea, is a clean line of searing ache on his right inner thigh. He reckons it has something to do with the shattered glass in front of him.

He wouldn’t move for fear of hurting himself more but he efforts his way to reach his still vibrating phone, Jeonggukie blinking on the caller ID.

“Are you back in the dorm, Tae?” Tender Taehyungie does not exist in his vocabulary when Jeongguk is in distress, only stern Tae. Taehyung can feel the sulky temper across the wire.

“I am back in the dorm. Where are—”

“I went out looking for you when you weren’t answering your phone,” Jeongguk cuts him off, “I’m on my way up.”

“Oh-oka—”

The line goes silent.

With the only light coming from his phone, Taehyung hesitates to shine it on the mess he made, especially on the stinging part of his thigh. He doesn’t feel it but he imagines blood dripping from his wound.

He tries to get up from the floor and ignores Jeongguk’s troubled face at the back of his head when the door system buzzes.

“Why weren't you replying, Tae? I thought something happened. Even Namjoon hyung answered his phone only after maybe nine calls,” Jeongguk enters, monologuing through putting away his jacket and boots.

"If he didn't pick up, I wouldn't even know where to look anymore," he whines.

The motion-detected light by the door turns off as soon as Jeongguk steps in the kitchen area.

“Tae? Where are you? Why haven’t you turned on any of the li—,” he flicks on all the switches and finds Taehyung still sitting on the floor.

The look on Jeongguk’s face turns to a horrified one when he puts together two and two, spotting the broken glass right beside Taehyung.

“I’m oka—oh my God,” Taehyung attempts to contain his panic but he sees actual blood oozing from his thigh and fails.

Jeongguk looks around and wets some paper towels before diving to the floor to help stop the bleeding.

“Careful,” Taehyung mutters when Jeongguk pounces, missing the shards only by mere inches.

Jeongguk scoffs but switches his sneering off immediately, inching closer to Taehyung.

“I’m going to dab on it a little, yeah?” he says, eyes soft and concerned, exactly how Taehyung saw them in his head.

Jeongguk inspects the soaking blood before lightly patting the damp towel on the wound. Taehyung hisses at the sensation, eyebrows furrowing, lids closing. His tongue darts out, swiping across his lips before breathing in deeply.

Jeongguk fixates on Taehyung’s face first, pained and flushed, before he looks even closer at the cut.

“It’s a pretty clean slice, Taehyungie. We don’t even need to stitch it,” Jeongguk says.

Taehyung’s eyes open wide at that comment that he forgets momentarily the throb on his leg until Jeongguk swipes lightly through the cut.

“Ow,”

“Sorry. Come on, let’s move you to the couch,” Jeongguk says, lifting himself off the wound.

“It’s okay, I can get up,” Taehyung mutters.

Jeongguk’s arm is already curling around Taehyung’s lower back before he could press his own palm on the floor for support. Taehyung bites back a gasp when Jeongguk’s hand falls on his waist and lifts him off the floor.

Jeongguk has carried him before. Jeongguk has carried him drunk, asleep, playfully and awake. It is old news.

Taehyung has been drunk many times but for some reason, the kind of drunk that he is right now is the hyperaware kind—tiny cut hurting too profoundly, tipsiness shaking him too unsteadily, touches on his body too sensitive.

The warmth of Jeongguk's body against his is extra comfortable.

"You got it?" Jeongguk interrupts his thoughts.

"Oh, yeah. I'm good," Taehyung mumbles, taking a seat on the couch.

"Wait there," Jeongguk says, letting go of Taehyung presumably to fetch the first aid kit.

Taehyung examines the wound. A glass shard might have slashed on his skin on impact. The cut is thin and superficial, definitely too fine to be needing stitches. The bleeding stopped too but the cut is still sore.

"You didn't have to go out looking for me. I hate interrupting you studying," Taehyung says while Jeongguk is tearing packets of antiseptic wipes.

Jeongguk sits on the couch facing Taehyung. "Right foot here," he says, patting his thigh, "let me see it."

"I can do it," Taehyung mutters.

"Tae," Jeongguk pats his thigh again. The look he has on Taehyung is firm.

Taehyung does what he is told this time.

He puts his foot on Jeongguk's thigh. He abducts his right leg to expose the cut to the light.

"Closer," Jeongguk says, eyes finding Taehyung's buzzed ones.

Taehyung winces when he drags himself nearer, folding his leg on his knee slowly.

Jeongguk pulls his gaze away to look at the cut. "It will sting, okay?" He reaches the antiseptic applicator from the kit and slowly spreads brown liquid on the wound.

Taehyung’s eyes travel from Jeongguk's hand sterilizing his wound to the other hand gripping his thigh steady. His head spins watching Jeongguk care for him, it makes him gulp thickly.

"I couldn’t focus,” Jeongguk declares quietly, tone pensive, head bowed and attention mainly on dressing Taehyung’s wound.

“Oh.”

Jeongguk wipes the corners of the wound clean.

“You could have taken a break with me and Namjoon, you know,” Taehyung asks, keeping his thigh still.

“It’s not that,” Jeongguk tosses the cotton applicators away.

“What is it then?”

Jeongguk lowers his head so close to the wound, his face right next to Taehyung’s thigh. It makes Taehyung’s heart quicken. He almost flinches but he manages to hold back.

“You said you’d be back by 1am,” Jeongguk says, blowing on the disinfected cut on Taehyung’s thigh, “but at 1:15am, you still weren’t.”

Despite the new storms inside of him, his thigh too close to trembling inappropriately, Taehyung couldn’t help but snicker.

“What?” Jeongguk asks, eyes lifting slightly to examine Taehyung’s amused giggles.

Taehyung reaches out to ruffle Jeongguk’s hair. “You’re such a nerd.”

Jeongguk is Taehyung’s best friend. He stays up with him when he needs to study extra hard. He carries him when he is drunk. He takes care of him when he is hurt. He looks for him in the dead of the night when he is late for their curfew, even if it is in the middle of exams week.

He blows on the wound on his thigh.

At 3:32am on the last stretch of school before summer break, Jeongguk’s next power nap lasts fifteen minutes. Taehyung gets fifteen minutes to watch his best friend rest his eyes from all the reading and studying, all the worrying and looking for him.

Taehyung sobers up for fifteen minutes and admires the face responsible for all happy moments that he knows, the face that grew too handsome beside him all these years, the face that Taehyung realized today, held back all possible prospects for affection from other people in his life.

Taehyung contemplates, grounds himself, reasons with himself.

Is he allowed to want more or is that being greedy?

In the last few minutes before Jeongguk’s alarm goes off, Taehyung commits to keeping his realizations to himself, swears by holding it in for as long as he can. If they don’t go away, then they don’t, but they stay tucked away for now.

Jeongguk is the best person Taehyung knows and he will be that person for as long as the lines are left uncrossed and their friendship remains bare-boned–essential, non-frilled and uncomplicated, as it has always been.

He feels a faint, uneven ache in his heart.

“You’ve been drinking, you should be resting,” Jeongguk croaks when he taps his phone silent.

“I’m okay,” Taehyung says. He is sitting on the carpet while Jeongguk is already getting up from the couch to join him.

“Does it still hurt?”

Taehyung feels the boggy throbbing in his chest again.

“Hmm, I hope it fades soon.” Taehyung answers still muddled which hurt he is referring to.

Ü

The final exams roll by quickly, brutally. On the last day, even Taehyung feels too exhausted to go out.

They settle their last minute, end-of-the-semester matters for a few more weeks–final projects, term papers, organization wrap-ups, library dues. They pack their bags later and finally head home for the summer.

Back home, they fall back into most of the same patterns, their routines like clockwork.

Even after growing too many inches for the playground, they still find themselves sitting on tiny swings that barely contain them, licking on the same ice cream flavors of choice on their hands.

“Seokjin hyung wants to set up his first business here.”

“That sounds great. Food business?” Jeongguk asks, biting on his ice cream cone.

“Hmm. He plans to start a small restaurant and when Namjoon hyung graduates, they plan to upgrade to catering events. Hopefully, they can branch out to other cities when they figure out advertising more.”

Jeongguk always looked up to Taehyung’s brothers like they were his own. They grew up dreaming of successful lives and they always supported each other. He can’t help but feel proud of them.

“So,” Taehyung chants while they are walking back home, “there’s this thing later.”

Jeongguk looks at Taehyung suspiciously. “What thing?”

“A contest,”

“Pass,” Jeongguk blurts out mindlessly.

“Jeonggukie!” Taehyung skips, trying to catch up to Jeongguk. “You didn’t even hear me out yet.”

“No,” Jeongguk says, shaking his head.

“It’s easy! You just out-dance every contestant,” Taehyung yells out.

Jeongguk halts and looks back at Taehyung. “A dance contest, really?”

“Yes,” Taehyung says, exasperated, “but, we can totally win!”

Jeongguk starts walking again.

“Wait! It’s random dancing. Just dance to whatever song they play and whoever dances the longest wins.”

Jeongguk turns around. “Okay, so what even is the purpose of this– dance?”

Taehyung shrugs his shoulders.

Jeongguk scoffs then chuckles, unimpressed. “Wins what?” he adds.

“Honestly, I don’t know either,” Taehyung confesses.

“Then why–”

“Let’s have fun. Hoseok hyung will be there. Namjoon hyung might make it a little later too.”

“Hoseok hyung?” Jeongguk repeats, “you believe you can win a dance contest that Hoseok hyung is joining too?”

Taehyung giggles. “Well of course not.”

They walk along empty school parking lots and mini supermarkets. They laugh at the new murals along the walls of the plaza, at the humorous caricature that reminds them of being naive and simple.

They chase a big, white dog and chat a little with the grandma who owns her. Taehyung bursts in zeal when she talked about her begonias, African violets, petunias and pansies that she grows in her backyard.

They said goodbye and promised to visit her garden before they leave for school.

Eventually, Jeongguk says ughh and that was the end of the discussion and all that pursuing. Taehyung does a little happy, swaying dance and Jeongguk could not say no to that anymore.

Taehyung hops on Jeongguk’s back and enjoys being carried the rest of the way to his house. Jeongguk whines but still does it because it’s your choice to not bring your car now you have to suffer the consequences.

"Let's set that dance floor on fire, Jeonggukie!" Taehyung bellows, his excitement sounding wonderful, overflowing near Jeongguk's ear.

Jeongguk chortles.

The truth is, Jeongguk's tickle is sometimes nowhere on his skin. Unlike most people, it is not something that lives in one spot, or triggered by stroking fingers.

Jeongguk's tickle, that which makes him giggle breathless, is an anomaly. More than it being an internal pleasure, it is set off by multiple things– Taehyung's breath on his neck, Taehyung's sweet, runny laughter, Taehyung's pout, Taehyung's extra explosive soul and the list goes on.

Tonight, especially, Jeongguk's trance-like euphoria and the world-sized grin on his face has been set off early by Taehyung showing up in the most colorful and glittery ensemble in the room.

“I plan to reflect all the light in the room so the other contestants get annoyed and go away,” Taehyung says.

Jeongguk laughs. “That’s actually how some prey drive away predators.”

“Oh really? I thought they did that by dancing like that,” Taehyung laughs harder as he points at Jeongguk’s awkward arm flapping.

“You little—what, like this?” Jeongguk sways his hips exaggeratedly and kick-stomps to the beat of the 80s disco electronic song playing.

“Stop that, I’ll swear I will die,” Taehyung says, snapping his neck backwards in laughter, “I’ll explode.”

“But if I stop—,"

"We win, you losers!" The distinct spritely voice is the signal of the real dance tournament.

"Hoseok hyung!"

"Namjoon hyung, you made it!" Jeongguk opens his arms for a big hug.

Soon a loud group hug of four caught other people's attention to the center of the dance floor.

"Pairs 94 and 95 are out!" the announcer booms in his microphone.

"Wait what?" Hoseok escapes the embrace, "that’s not fair!"

"You stop dancing, you're out. Those are the rules," the man from the booth announces the reminders again when Hoseok gives him the stink eye.

"Let it go, bro. We'll get them next time," Namjoon chuckles, hands yanking his friend back.

Taehyung and Jeongguk bust random exaggerated moves to the next pop song, not caring that they got pulled out immediately, or if they win anything or not.

Song after song, Jeongguk's smile widens, his happiness vibrates through his entire body harder than the music around him.

His arms barely coordinate with his legs no matter what kind of music plays next. But his laughter and the exhilaration in his body syncs with Taehyung's effortlessly.

"Oh my God!" Both of them yell out, faces shocked and arms shaking when It's Tricky by Run- D.M.C. blasts through the speakers.

In high school, this was the song that they performed in their thanksgiving program before graduation. They practiced the choreography for weeks and perfected it during their performance.

Hoseok joins the two in the chorus as they recreate the dance steps entirely from muscle memory. They flick their heads and twirl their arms and legs to the funky mainstream hip-hop beat from years ago.

Namjoon watches and howls as the trio strums the invisible guitar all at the same time and jumps more accurately at the steps of the second chorus. Some people who are seated start cheering when they notice the mini performance happening on the side dance floor.

They bow to the crowd when the music ends and laugh among themselves reminiscing the times they had dancing to that song.

“Okay, I need to sit now. I’m so tired,” Taehyung groans.

“Already? How were you planning to actually win this dance off?” Jeongguk whines.

Taehyung is already walking away, following Namjoon and Hoseok to their seats when he feels Jeongguk take his hand, stopping him in his tracks.

“Remember this song?” Jeongguk says, looking up, pointing at the speakers.

Taehyung looks up too, trying to tune his ears.

It’s a chirpy instrumental alternating with a melodic anthem-like piano riff. It’s an OST for an anime, and when the singer blends with the music, his words are Japanese.

Taehyung’s surprised face is a tickle. His twinkling eyes are a tickle.

“Jeonggukie.”

The way Taehyung says Jeongguk’s name is a tickle.

When Taehyung twists his body back to Jeongguk tango-style, the giggle in Jeongguk’s breath escapes shamelessly.

“How’s your heart?” Taehyung asks, leaning his back closer to Jeongguk’s chest.

Jeongguk squints in confusion.

“Mine is thumping and I’m out of breath,” Taehyung adds, in between pants.

Their bodies have been this close together before, even closer. But Jeongguk never paid attention to how his heart felt whenever it happened.

“Is that bad?” Jeongguk asks, not really knowing what he is asking.

“It means it might give out if I dance one more song,” Taehyung teases.

Taehyung’s stare is a tickle. His playful threat is a tickle.

Jeongguk thinks his own heart might give out if he lets Taehyung go now.

“What if it’s a slow dance?”

Taehyung’s lips curl to a smile and Jeongguk slightly nudges Taehyung to another twirl.

The warm chorus comes on and the two best friends come together again and hold each other comfortably, swaying their bodies calmly side to side, like nobody else is there in the room, like they owe it to the music to dance, like they didn’t even have to join the contest to win anything.

Their dancing is soothing as the song is too.

When it ends, Jeongguk and Taehyung part. They walk away from the dance floor with shy smiles and evenly spaced heart beats.

“Good job! If you were still competing, you could win. Many pairs backed out of that slow jam,” Hoseok says, a lit smile plastered on his face.

Namjoon chuckles softly. “We got you drinks,” he says.

The night pushes on to all flavors of conversations—memories, stories, plans. They play a drinking game in pursuit of more shameless dancing and the best of laughter. Every time the track list spits out a lively tune that they recognize, the friends who grow more loose with more alcohol intake freestyle their way to the dance floor audaciously.

After midnight, Hoseok is already passed out in a corner and Namjoon is yelling song lyrics to an empty beer bottle.

“Let’s call it a night,” Jeongguk says, hiccuping most of his words.

“I d–don’t think I can walk, Guk,” Namjoon stumbles close to the table.

“Maybe we can dance h–ome!” Hoseok suddenly chants in a high pitch, raising his head and extending an arm up. His eyes are still closed but the smile on his face is wide.

“Taehyungie!” Namjoon calls out in bliss, “where’s Taehyungie? Taehyungie!”

“He went to pee, hyung,” Jeongguk mutters.

“Tell him to c–call Seokjin h–hyungg. He should be home by n–now. I’ll, no, I’ll do it. I’ll ask Seokjin hyung to pick us up. You go get Taehyung. It’s– we’ll call it a night,” Namjoon says.

After a few minutes, Jeongguk manages to stand up on wobbly knees and make his way to the restroom. He supported himself with chairs at first before he could walk on his own, not knocking anything down. He is lightheaded at most but he manages to get to the corridor at the end of the room.

“Taehyungi–” he cuts himself off to squint his eyes. He tries to focus them and widens them again before blinking a couple of times, shaking his head too.

He rubs the haze off his eyes and looks straight ahead.

He fights with himself, insisting it is the alcohol in his system and not any of his emotions that sets his entire body on fire. The muscles on his back tense, he balls his fists tightly for no explicit reason.

It’s funny, he reckons he has been in place for a while now and all he wants to do is walk away but his legs seem to have stuck themselves where they stand.

Every breath he takes is labored. His vision suddenly becomes sharp as if the liquor in his body floods everywhere else except his head.

He doesn’t miss how Taehyung’s eyes arch to crescent shapes digging into his smile when a guy he has never seen before leans in to whisper something in his ear. He flinches stiffly when he sees the guy curl his fingers around Taehyung’s arm.

Jeongguk’s heart hammers in his chest. He feels like marching their way but he can spot Taehyung’s body language a mile away. Taehyung’s body leans into the guy’s touch and the smile on his face is full and inviting.

Jeongguk has seen Taehyung with a couple of people in the past. They have talked about the dinners they went to, the horrible times they spent with their dates, the perils of guys and girls who are either too boring or too arrogant for their tastes.

Tonight, with his body full of alcohol, his skin sweating and muscles aching from all the dance music-induced exercise, Jeongguk’s mind just couldn’t handle one more overwhelming sight.
He sighs heavily and turns a heel. Every time he closes his eyes, he pictures Taehyung’s lithe body pressed against the guy’s arms. He imagines them giggling over anything and everything. He knocks over one seat before he reaches their table. It startles Hoseok awake.

“Where’s Namjoon hyung? It’s time to go,” Jeongguk huffs.

Hoseok blinks his sleepy eyes and swipes the room once, turning his head from side to side. He points to a nearby table. “Over there,” he says.

Namjoon is putting down his phone when Jeongguk hears Taehyung’s voice from behind him.

“Hey, remember that observatory we went to a few years ago?” he says, taking his seat across Jeongguk.

Jeongguk’s stained mood kinks on his eyebrows and curls on his pout.

“What? What is it?” Taehyung asks immediately, sensing his best friend’s shift in disposition.

“Nothing,” Jeongguk breathes out, “What about the observatory?”

“Let’s go again. I wanna see it again,” Taehyung chirps.

“Whatever,” Jeongguk mutters.

Seokjin arrives after a few minutes and takes them all home. Hoseok crawls to his house across from the Kim’s house and Jeongguk sleeps over because Seokjin hyung says so.

I’m tired. I won’t drive you any further, you brat.

Namjoon dives on his bed instantly, not even bothering to remove his socks.

Jeongguk quietly lowers himself on the tiny couch when Taehyung enters the room from taking a shower.

“What are you doing?” he whispers.

He rubs his hair on the towel a few more times before hanging it out to dry.

“I’m tired, Tae. What do you want?” Jeongguk sneers, still simmering from his internal disquiet from earlier.

“Sleep with me,” Taehyung whispers.

“What?” Jeongguk scoffs, lifting his head to find Taehyung already climbing on the bed. Dumb thoughts leak to his brain.

“I won’t let you sleep on that couch. Now get over here. This bed is big enough.”

Jeongguk sighs. “Uhm. Let me wash up first too.”

Taehyung pulls a blanket over himself. “Fresh towel on the rack,” he half-mutters and half-yawns the words.

Jeongguk doesn’t wish to dwell on his thoughts too long, not when they are blurry, annoying and potentially harmful. So, he lets water from the shower flow on his skin for a little bit, scrubs himself gently and pats his skin dry as quickly as he can.

The lights are already dim when Jeongguk steps back in the room. Namjoon is turned to the wall against his bed and his snoring is the only sound heard.

“Jeonggukie,” Taehyung croaks, shifting on his bed.

Jeongguk walks closer and Taehyung is already pulling his blanket away and pushing his back against the wall to make room.

Mind empty and body tired, Jeongguk turns to his side and lies down next to Taehyung. Long arms wrap around his shoulders and pull him into a soft embrace.

“Take me to see the flowers tomorrow, okay?” Taehyung murmurs in Jeongguk's ear.

“I don’t know if they thrive well in this season,” Jeongguk says.

“To watch the stars then. Take me to see the stars.”

Taehyung slides his arms down and wraps them around Jeongguk’s chest. “We’ll go earlier this time.”

Jeongguk keeps his breathing calm and even. He tries to keep his thoughts the same way too, for now. He hasn’t decided if the surge of emotions in him lately is something he can act on immediately or if he can contain them and leave them be. All he knows now is it has become harder and harder for him to live his life when Taehyung is not around.

Tomorrow is Sunday, and the observatory will be closed. But Jeongguk would drive miles just because Taehyung asked.

“Okay,” he mutters.

Ü

"The observatory is closed today," Jeongguk blurts out halfway to the place.

He struggled and battled with himself earlier today until they only have maybe twenty minutes of road if he was going to tell Taehyung about it. He thought maybe they could turn to another exit and go somewhere else.

"It's okay, I'll open it for you," Taehyung chirps.

Jeongguk’s eyes widen. He turns his head towards Taehyung to see if he is goofing off or something.

"Tadah!" Taehyung cheerfully jiggles a plain-looking set of keys.

"What is–" Jeongguk stutters as his mind goes blank watching the keys like some form of hypnosis.

He spots the Blue Peak Observatory keychain from the bunch and his eyes bulge even more.

"Oh my God. Where did you steal those?" Jeongguk feels like stopping the car to puke.

Taehyung pockets the keys and puts on a smug face. "I did no such thing. But I did trick the keeper of the grounds to lend me his keys."

Jeongguk is shaking his head in disbelief but his heart is thumping in excitement.

Although the observatory is minor, the only way to use the facility is to book a group tour which Jeongguk never got the chance to organize when they were in school.

"You know the keeper of the grounds?" Jeongguk asks.

"Mhmm. Met him last night. Nice guy. His name is Puck."

"What? When?"

"Last night. I just said it," Taehyung answers, rolling his eyes.

"I meant where? We–" Jeongguk tries to focus on pulling up a parking spot.

The night deepens and the dark sky actually becomes a canopy dotted by a million stars, cliché intended.

"At the dance. He was wearing a shirt with the Blue Peak logo and I approached him in the restroom."

Jeongguk recalls the exact guy looking flirty with Taehyung the night before. "Oh."

He accepts it but the picture in his head still needs more time to fade. He feels foolish and wants to send his thoughts from the previous night to oblivion.

"What did he want in exchange?" Jeongguk asks awkwardly.

"A penpal. From the university," Taehyung says, releasing the buckle of his seatbelt, "says the girls in his school are all immature and full of themselves."

"That's it?" Jeongguk says, pulling his phone from his pocket and starts typing.

"Yeah. I believe him so we made a deal. Come on," Taehyung says.

"Yeah, give me a sec,"

"What are you–" Taehyung leans over and bumps his head on Jeongguk's peeking on the phone screen.

"I dunno how to operate a reflector," Jeongguk says, tapping on a tutorial article on how to use an observatory telescope.

Taehyung snickers and squishes his forehead on Jeongguk's until Jeongguk backs away to his seat.

Taehyung moves away too and gets out of the car.

When Jeongguk takes another minute, Taehyung knocks on his window. "Come on," he mouths.

"Let's just wing it," Taehyung chortles, "If we destroy it, we'll frame Puck."

Jeongguk chuckles, finally looking up from his phone. "That's a plan, but I think I got it."

"Me too," Taehyung says, swinging the backdoor open and pocketing the keys in his hoodie.

The inside of the observatory has two stories, the ground floor and the viewing deck where the telescope and auxiliary components are installed.

Jeongguk and Taehyung climb straight to the dome as soon as they switch on the lights.

“Wow,” they chant in unison, both marveling at the massive optical device.

Taehyung takes photos of every side of the telescope while Jeongguk checks out the computer panel.

“Did you figure it out?” Taehyung grunts as he drops to the seat next to Jeongguk.

“I’m just waiting for the system to boot,” Jeongguk says, pressing a code combination, “and then it should–”

A whirring sound coming from the ceiling cuts Jeongguk off. They look up and witness the dome part in the middle as it accommodates the tip of the telescope.

Their faces light up as the night sky above appears before their eyes. The light noise is indeed significantly less in the suburbs because the stars seem to be shining extra bright.

“Wow, this is amazing,” Taehyung says. He stands closer to the body of the telescope and touches it.

“Where do you look through it, Jeonggukie?”

“That’s the eyepiece,” Jeongguk points at a little bar sprouting from the tube, “But I have to enter a general location in the sky before we can see anything.”

“Oh. Okay. What do you feel like seeing?”

“There’s this star cluster. You’ll like it,” Jeongguk says, returning to the keyboards.

“Oohh. How do you find it?”

“Let’s see, it is in the Cassiopeia constellation. To locate that, we use the North Star as a guide. There.” Jeongguk points at the brightest dot in the sky.

Taehyung hums.

“Beside the North Star is the Big Dipper. Do you see it? The three equidistant stars on its tail is the prominent feature.”

Taehyung scans above him. “Yes.”

“On the other side of the North Star, opposite the Big Dipper is the Cassiopeia constellation.”

Jeongguk catches a glimpse of Taehyung looking up and the smile on his face deepens instinctively.
“It has five distinct stars that form a W, one star at the tip of each point,” he adds.

He sees Taehyung’s brows furrow. He jumps off his seat and walks closer to Taehyung. He leans his head against Taehyung’s to even their plane of sight. When his eyes orient themselves to the view, he points up at the star formation for Taehyung to recognize it.

“Now do you see it?” he asks.

“That’s an M,” Taehyung says flatly.

It takes Jeongguk aback for a brief moment. “Okay, some accounts interchange W and M, depending on what region or latitude you are in.”

Taehyung drops his gaze at his best friend. “I was just kidding,” he says, nose wrinkled absurdly.

Jeongguk bites back an exaggeratedly displeased eye roll. He shakes his head instead, stepping back to the lower deck to input adjustments in the computer.

“So, if I can already appreciate Casseopeia with my naked eye, what would I need this for?” Taehyung asks, drumming his palms on the telescope.

Jeongguk joins him again on the step. “You’ll see,” he says, shutting one eye and sticking the other one against the eyepiece. He finetunes a tiny knob for a minute and pulls back.

“Found it,” he says. He gestures to Taehyung to look into the telescope.

Taehyung looks at him before viewing through the eyepiece also. “Found wha–ohhh.”

Jeongguk hears Taehyung gasp.

“What is it?”

“That group of stars that appear closer to each other against the blackness of space are stars that are bound gravitationally. It’s called a star cluster.”

“Okay.”

“That particular one located within Casseopiea constellation is called the White Rose Cluster, also known as Caroline's Rose or NGC 7789 or–”

Jeongguk stops mid-sentence when Taehyung moves away from the telescope to glare at him.

“Okay, sorry,” Jeongguk chuckles, recognizing too well that impatient look on Taehyung’s face.

Taehyung presses his lids again to view the cluster longer.

“They say the cluster is somewhere between six hundred and one thousand stars. The formation looks like the petals of a white rose, which is why it is named as such.”

“It’s beautiful.”

“I knew you would like it, Tae,” Jeongguk says. “Up there, the white rose is a one-point-seven-billion-year-old group of stars. On Earth, it symbolizes purity and loyalty. You give a white rose to someone to let them know–”

“I am worthy of you,” Taehyung finishes Jeongguk’s words, eyes traveling back to meet his.

Jeongguk beams at Taehyung for a few seconds. He clears his throat. “Exactly.”

“Flowers on Earth are my thing, Jeonggukie,” Taehyung says with a wink before hopping off the step.

Ü

They lie down on the deck under the almost midnight sky. They leave the dome open for a bit.

"So, my dad finally took the job," Jeongguk mutters.

"Hmm, that one at the bigger hospital?" Taehyung shuffles to lie on his side facing Jeongguk.

"Yup, that one. They're asking him to work as an admin too."

"Does that mean more work for him?" Taehyung asks.

Jeongguk shrugs. "I guess. That also means I can secure a training spot there when I would already need it, though. That's what he told me."

Taehyung's voice warms. "That's incredible, Jeonggukie. You excited?”

Jeongguk chuckles. “Mmm, he is. He’s moving there by the end of next semester. He says he still has a few things he needs to finish here.”

Taehyung props his elbow and supports his head with his palm.

“I won’t move out,” Jeongguk blurts out sensing Taehyung’s next concern. “I’m not acing all my classes and maintaining a scholarship with zero expenses just to clear out of my own free dorm room.

Taehyung smiles contently. “Show off,” he murmurs, lowering his head back against the wooden deck.

“Ow!” Taehyung cries out immediately after he hits the floor a little harder than he estimated. He hisses while rubbing the back part of his head.

Jeongguk hears the bump and springs to a halfway sitting position, the look of anxiety shadowing his face faster than his racing mind.

When he observes that it is just a minor clumsy moment, he snickers. He relaxes on his back again, folds one of his arms up, and rests his head on his palm.

“C’mere,” he gestures to Taehyung with his other hand to come closer.

“Ooh comfy,” Taehyung comments lightly when he leans his head on Jeongguk’s folded arm.

“Tae, don’t be ridiculous. That’s hardly comfortable. What’s wrong with you? Get over here,” Jeongguk says, eyeing the amount of space Taehyung left between them.

Taehyung is not a fan of awkward situations but if he isn’t creating one himself right now. What he wouldn’t do to just not overthink everything that happens with Jeongguk lately.

Earlier today, he woke up with his arms around his best friend in his bed. He had to pretend to be asleep until Jeongguk woke up because aside from the fact that he couldn’t get up immediately because of a little hangover headache, having Jeongguk so close to him is an absolute delight.

Jeongguk was everything that Taehyung found beautiful that morning–a warm cuddle, his sweet, gentle scent, the soft, peaceful look on his handsome face. When his eyes fluttered open and he spoke a low, comforting hey, Taehyung swore he tore a heart string when the palpitations in his chest tripled in intensity.

Despite that, at multiple parts of his day, the thought of waking up next to Jeongguk keeps crossing Taehyung’s mind. At one point, he wondered if he could allow himself to be drunk around Jeongguk anymore or if he would just be risking spilling his thoughts out loud and regretting it. He shrugs the thought almost as soon as it creeps in his mind.

“What are you thinking of?” Jeongguk asks when Taehyung gets trapped in his thoughts.

You.

“Where I’ve heard Casseopeia before,” Taehyung saves face.

Jeongguk turns his head towards Taehyung, a wide grin on his face. “In mythology, Cassiopeia was the wife of King Cepheus of Ethiopia. She offended the sea god Poseidon when–”

“Okay no,” Taehyung interrupts Jeongguk and gets up from the floor.

He flinches back when Jeongguk grabs his arm and tugs it lightly. “Fine, I’ll stop,” Jeongguk chuckles, “Just lie back down, please. Ten more minutes.”

Taehyung’s fondness blooms in his chest, curls on his lips, rushes to his cheeks.

They lie there talking about anything and everything, like they always do. They lie there looking at the stars and not saying anything. They lie there for a lot more than ten minutes until their eyes begin to droop.

“Jeonggukie,” Taehyung whispers breaking the silence.

“Mmm?”

Taehyung looks over at Jeongguk, studies the slope of his nose, the ridges of his lips, the angle of his jaw.

“Happy birthday.”

Jeongguk’s eyes open and his cheeks swell.

It was a really good summer.

Ü

Junior year passed by relatively quicker than any of the previous years. It did, not because it is easier but because it demanded so much hours of work and studying on a daily basis that the year just basically drained itself to the bottom just like that.

The major subjects began to boast appearances in the curriculum. The projects became more complicated and courses became lengthier.

Every mid-junior student who walked the halls either ran on caffeine or energy drinks. Most of them had at least one or two floaty embarrassing ‘so tired’ stories weekly.

Jeongguk meets Jimin in the library. In his harebrained, sleep-deprived, half-empty shell of a student in the middle of exams week, he picked up the wrong bag from the wrong seat across his.

“I am really sorry, man. I have been so out of my head recently. My majors are acting up all at the same time,” Jeongguk says.

Jimin grabbed Jeongguk’s bag from his seat and silently brisk walked behind him until they both exited to the hallway.

He was supposed to call out to him to exchange bags but he couldn’t exactly do that in a library and he didn’t know Jeonguk’s name.

When he caught up with Jeongguk, they cleared out the confusion fairly easily and Jeongguk offered to buy him lunch.

“Tell me about it. I’m about to puke my own brain cells trying to squeeze a hundred pages to memorize in two days,” Jimin whines.

“I swear senior year started pretty okay a couple of months ago. Now I’m just zombie-walking around the campus hoping that this apocalypse of a year ends soon,” Jeongguk replies.

“Amen. What’s your major, Jeongguk?”

“Health sciences. The plan is to get myself into med school after college.”

“No, really? Me too! I’m a Bio major.”

They laugh between sips of coffee and their stories of peril in the university. Jeongguk tells Jimin about his best friend when he asks about his dorm.

“Wow, that’s a long time,” Jimin exclaims after learning about Taehyung.

“Yup. We met in a hospital when we were kids and we have hung out always ever since.”

“Cool. Well, I’d love to meet him sometime.”

“Yeah, let’s hang out again after all this shit ton of schoolwork and exams,” Jeongguk says.

“Sure. Actually, if you guys need a study buddy, I usually hang out in the library too. It’s horrible but I focus better there,” Jimin says.

“Nah, I get it. Tae doesn’t like the library much, though. He says it’s too quiet for him. But I will let you know if I ever need to cram in there,” Jeongguk says. “Which will be in the next few days, I imagine,” he adds.

“Perfect,” Jimin says, finishing his coffee.

“Well, I have to run to my next class. Let’s study soon,” Jimin chirps.

Taehyung meets Jimin a couple of times and like Jeongguk, he has taken a liking to the very charming boy too. When Jeongguk said that Jimin was also enrolling in med school after college, Taehyung was elated.

Soon, Jeongguk studies with Jimin more times than he planned all throughout the year.

Sometimes Taehyung tags along, most times he lets them be while he hangs out with his org mates. He usually drags Jeongguk home when the library closes, unless they plan to eat out for dinner.

Jimin is a bundle of positive energy. His friendly disposition radiates and boosts Jeongguk’s studying mood by maybe fifty percent. Jeongguk’s determination in getting things done and learning efficiently becomes his default feature every time he sits on the same table as Jimin.

Jeongguk used to have the stamina to stay up three nights in a row with only liters of coffee and some scattered power naps in between. When he met Jimin, he learned new techniques to amplify his productivity.

“After you drink coffee, take a fifteen-minute nap. Studies show that it improves alertness because it regulates your adenosine levels,” Jimin says.

“I’ve been doing it all wrong then,” Jeongguk whines.

“We have our own styles but I’ve tested this caffeine nap and it works wonders.”

Jeongguk now sets more sustainable goals when studying in the library, schedules his naps and even coordinates his highlighters depending on the importance of the information.

Studying with Jimin really helps Jeongguk manage his time and homework better. He learns many things that he thought he could apply in med school.

If it isn’t enough that the major courses are magnitudes harder than the students have ever had before, their professors are even stepping up their demands as Jeongguk, Taehyung and Jimin are so close to graduating college. It is not only true for them, of course. Everybody cramming in their own dorm rooms every 3am are struggling with their final course requirements.

The most brutal nights the three of them ever spend together belong to the last weeks the first semester of senior year. The final requirements demand longer essays, trickier oral exams and more difficult scoring in written tests.

When Taehyung steps out of his last exam of the semester, he immediately hits Jeongguk and Jimin up with a party invite from a host organization. He drops by the cafeteria to grab some take out before he goes back to the dorm.

Jimin replies as soon as Taehyung finishes his shower. Okay. Be there by 9pm.

Taehyung doesn’t expect Jeongguk to answer anytime soon. His last exam doesn’t end for a few more hours.

Taehyung plops on his bed and finally gets some shuteye.

“Tae,”

Taehyung rolls to a gentle touch on his shoulder. “Mmm.”

“Hey, it’s me.”

“Hi. How did your exams go?” Taehyung croaks, voice heavy with sleep.

Jeongguk chuckles lightly. “Okay. Yours?”

“They’re a bitch,” Taehyung mutters, eyebrows furrowed but eyes still shut.

Jeongguk loves this. He loves massaging between Taehyung’s eyebrows. He loves smoothening the creases; feels like parting him away from his worries.

Taehyung opens his eyes after Jeongguk caresses his brows for a bit. He focuses on Jeongguk’s face as quickly as his vision can adjust.

“What is it?” Taehyung says as soon as he spots the pondering look on Jeongguk’s expression.

“Dad’s here,” he says plainly.

“Oh,” Taehyung says rolling to his side.

“Where? Is he calling you?”

“Yeah. He’s meeting a guy in the hospital and he’s brought some of his stuff already to move in to his new apartment.”

“Hmm. Do you want me to come help you guys?”

“No. You go to the party. I’ll catch up later.”

Taehyung grunts, shuts his eyes and yawns.

“Well, I’m taking a bath. Jimin meeting you?”

“Later,” Taehyung says, cozying in to a pillow.

“Okay,” Jeongguk says and walks away.

A knock on the door wakes Taehyung again as he was minutes drifted back to his nap.

Package for Jeon Jeongguk!

The letter and package delivery in the dorm is usually at 7pm to 8pm.

Taehyung fluffs his hair and rubs his eyes.

“Coming,” Taehyung yells out.

The lock on the bathroom clicks and the door swings open, hitting the cement wall with a muffled bang.

“I got it. I’ll get it!” Jeongguk busts out from his shower in nothing but a tiny towel hanging by his hips.

“Uhm,” Taehyung blinks too many times. He feels like slapping himself.

“Sit down, I’ll get it,” Jeongguk says again, pointing at Taehyung who is already getting up.

“It’s my dad’s,” Jeongguk says, propping the box against the door. “Taking it to him later.”

Taehyung has seen Jeongguk in less than what he has on right now but seriously, why is he so shiny right now, damn it. His panicked body isn’t helping calm Taehyung’s nerves either. And over the daily package delivery?

The sight is too attractive and distracting it should be banned from Taehyung’s thoughts.

“Taehyungie?”

“What?” Taehyung responds, mind blank, unfocused. Or focused, rather, too much, on one particular thing. Person.

“I said, did you eat yet?”

Taehyung didn’t even realize he followed Jeongguk walk across the room with his eyes.

“Uhm, I did.”

Jeongguk has his back on Taehyung. He swipes an underwear from the top shelf of his closet and starts dragging it over his calves.

“Ooops,” Taehyung hears Jeongguk mutter to himself.

His eyes bulge when he sees Jeongguk catch the corner of the towel on him as it detaches and slides slightly off of his hip. If he could hear the gulp that slowly vibrated on his neck, it would sound exactly like oh shit.

Taehyung actually taps on his cheeks multiple times to wake himself up and kick his brain back to reality.

Jeongguk turns around as he is pulling a shirt over his head. Taehyung’s eyes drop to a stupid, full, six-pack ab vision. His jaw drops silently. That, he doesn’t see often.

“Aren’t you getting dressed yet?” Jeongguk asks as his head pops out of the neck hole.

“What?” Taehyung asks again, inattentive.

“Tae, you’re naked,” Jeongguk says, lifting both eyebrows and smirking deviously.

Taehyung looks down and indeed, all he has on is a brief, with a ridiculous cartoon character print.

“Oh f—” Taehyung scrambles to his closet, “I was so tired I didn’t even—”

“It’s really okay,” Jeongguk says chuckling.

“Shut up, you didn’t even tell me,” Taehyung glares at Jeongguk as he is pulling up some shorts over himself.

“I figured you’d get ready to go in a bit too anyway.”

“This is embarrassing,” Taehyung mumbles to his closet space while trying to find a shirt, fretting over heaps of clothing. “Jesus, and I was going to get up and open the door in my underwear,” Taehyung whines, discarding the t-shirt on his hand.

“Oh, come on, Tae.”

“What, you’d let me do that? And then laugh at me?” Taehyung agitates slightly.

Jeongguk walks over to Taehyung and waits for him to turn around.

When he doesn’t, Jeongguk takes a few more steps until he is close enough to mumble quietly behind Taehyung. “Why do you think I stormed out too keenly from my bath to get the door?”

Already anxious, Taehyung flinches away from where Jeongguk is leaning when he whispered to him. “Christ, don’t sneak up on me like that, Jeongguk,” he says, genuine tension laced in his voice.

Taehyung flinches one more time when Jeongguk is standing too close to him when he turns around.

He trips on his side table and nearly falls down.

“Careful,” Taehyung hears Jeongguk chime. He gasps when an arm curls around his still bare waist supporting his body and preventing his fall.

They stay still for a tiny moment.

Taehyung clears his throat and straightens himself. Jeongguk steps away simultaneously.

Jeongguk inhales and opens his mouth to say something. He shuts it and opens it a second time.

“I like your body, Tae,” Jeongguk says.

Taehyung’s mind does a phenomenon that is arguably catastrophically and astronomically similar to a supernova in intensity and chemistry—it explodes.

He tries to form words but his brain is a collapsed collection of explosion debris and star dust.

“I mean—I—I th—I’m—” Jeongguk is not any better at containing the situation. He stutters to the next century until his phone buzzes its loud ringtone. Thank God.

Jeongguk’s face contorts to a mortified slash nervous slash ashamed slash just really foolish expression in the three seconds that he turned away from Taehyung. His heart races a pseudo-human rate as he tries to formulate a way to scoop himself out of the pit he just dug.

“Hello, Dad,” he rasps to his phone.

Taehyung puts on a shirt while struggling to come in and out of his consciousness. He rakes through his wardrobe too for some pants. He grabs some socks and sits on his bed to put them on. One of the pair of the shoes that he drags from under his bed has an annoying piece of thread that is sticking out of it and he picks on that too. And also, what the fuck did Jeongguk mean?

“Tae, what I meant was,”

Taehyung snaps his head forward to find Jeongguk off the phone and already speaking to him.

He sits up straight and he puts down the shoe on his hand to show that he not losing his mind entirely over what Jeongguk just said, or at least to invite him to explain what he meant.

Because Taehyung could be overthinking again; jumping the gun, jumping to conclusions, jumping, period.

“I meant you should be confident about your body. It is not embarrassing to be bare if you look like—” Jeongguk gestures towards Taehyung, hand stretching out and pausing in the middle.

Jeongguk dramatically sighs, trying to imply that he is not saying any of this right.

Taehyung is really about to bust some major arteries if he doesn’t put an end to whatever this is right now.

“Don’t sweat it, Jeongguk,” he says in the calmest voice he could muster while battling a hurricane internally. “I’m not really upset or too freaked out about it. You see me naked sometimes; I see you naked. It’s really a best friend thing. As for the delivery guy, I bet he’s pretty used to it.”

It’s a best friend thing.
Tension tug terminated.

“You’re right. Exactly,” Jeongguk says, chuckling.

Taehyung turns around to put on his shoes. Jeongguk faces the mirror to fix his hair. The situation is likely already abated.

Wrong.

“If you think I should be confident about my body, why did you rush out of your bath to receive the package instead of letting me do it?” Taehyung meant to keep the thought to himself but oops too late.

Jeongguk didn’t look too puzzled. “You were napping.”

You we’re showering, Taehyung debates with Jeongguk in his mind.

“And it was my dad’s package. I was expecting it,” Jeongguk adds.

Better point taken.

Taehyung shrugs his shoulders. He shrugs his short-circuiting thoughts. He shrugs the volcanoes in his stomach. “Okay.”

He puts on his other shoe.

Ü

“Your tie is crooked,” Jimin comments.

“My tie is not—” Taehyung replies, looking down on his clothes.

Jimin flicks his nose when he looks back up again and realizes he has been spacing out.

“Yup, that’s right. You don’t have a tie,” Jimin says, trying to prove a point.

Taehyung shakes his head and chugs his beer.

“Now that I have your attention again,” the tiny bright boy says, “what’s eating you, Taehyung?”

“Nothing.”

“Oh, too quick to deny anything. That answer must be a lie,” Jimin responds, quirky.

Taehyung will forever be amused with how quickly Jimin wedged himself in their friendship. He gained many friends he met in his classes, organizations, extra-curricular activities, but none of them really stuck around to hang out as often and as intimately as Jimin did.

Moreover, none of them could outshine Jimin’s features of likeability and powers of accurate perception. Seriously, the guy has more intuition than a mother duck guiding seven ducklings in a pond. Seriously.

“So, why don’t you and Jeongguk just date?”

If Taehyung snorted more beer to his bronchioles, he would be arresting at any moment. But he is only coughing resonantly for his life right now, so in a few minutes, he should be able to answer Jimin’s question. Or tell him he refuses to do so.

“Done?” Jimin asks nonchalantly when Taehyung’s face returns to its natural color and his wheezing becomes more spaced out.

“Dick,” Taehyung mocks in between two exasperated breaths.

“No thanks. But I’m sure you want Jeongguk’s. Or Jeongguk wants yours? Shall we find out which one it is?” Jimin teases, waving his phone menacingly, teasing to call Jeongguk.

Taehyung evens out his breathing, his chest still on fire.

“Jimin, what are you talking about?” Taehyung probes, unsure if he wants to hear more unbiased speculation from people other than himself.

“I’m saying, my idiots to lovers senses are never wrong,” Jimin says.

“And?”

“God almighty, do you like Jeongguk or not?” Jimin says, rolling his eyes.

“Well, yes. I mean, of course. He’s my best friend,” Taehyung answers, safe.

“No, do you like him?” Jimin emphasizes.

Taehyung is stunned by the question. He remains silent, his hand still massaging his chest.

“Let me rephrase that,” Jimin articulates impatiently.

“Have you ever felt a blistering sting at any point you see him being too friendly with another person?"

Yes.

"Have you ever woken up and thought it would be great if you woke up with his face in front of yours every morning?"

Every day. 

"Have you ever looked at him randomly and just know that you would do just about anything for him?" 

Anything.

"Have you ever looked at him just even remotely, sorta naked and malfunctioned or just seized to function even very briefly?”

Fuck. 

Jimin raises his eyebrows to indicate he is waiting for an answer from Taehyung.

“Uhm, what was the first question?” Taehyung chortles and pauses just before he was going to chuckle.

He smashes his palm on his chest again and rubs it. He winces and reaches for a glass of water.

“Hey, tell me you’re getting bizarre feelings from the things I asked and not because you’re really not feeling well,” Jimin implores, watching Taehyung pound his fist lightly on his chest.

Taehyung chugs the water glass empty. “I’m fine, Jimin. Just a little woozy maybe.”

“Okay. Don’t freak me out now,” Jimin says.

“You freaked me out,” Taehyung rebuts.

Jimin’s eyes widen. “Aha! I knew it! It is so impossible for me to miss idiots like you guys.”

Jimin starts an entire monologue sporadically.

“God, the worry on Jeongguk’s body language when you run late picking him up from the library. The galaxies in his eyes when he talks about you and what you love—from flowers to little baby bears taking a bath in the river. His remarkable, tensed disposition when he sees you talking to someone who could potentially ask you on a date. The way his person just recharges to one hundred percent in seconds at the mere sight of you. Fuck if school drains him every day.”

“Hang on,” Taehyung cuts Jimin off.

“Oh good, you’re finally sharing insight. Because I’m parched as hell,” Jimin chaffs as he raises his glass to his lips.

“You’re not talking about me, Jimin,” Taehyung states.

“Oh no, it’s written all over you too. I just also wanted to make sure you didn’t miss the details that you have been too oblivious to notice,” Jimin says.

“Trust me, idiots to lovers,” Jimin adds.

Taehyung recalls the time when he committed to hiding his feelings away temporarily. At that time, he didn’t even want to acknowledge them wholly, didn’t even want to think how temporarily he can keep it to himself.

“Have you had this conversation with Jeongguk?” Taehyung asks.

“I have not,” Jimin says, “but I saw them in his eyes first.”

“Them?”

“Yes. The fondness and affection for you, the happiness with you and ever so faintly but quite desperately sometimes, his longing and pining for you.”

Taehyung sighs. “I think I’m going to get some air.”

“Are you okay?” Jimin asks.

“I’m fine. It’s just a lot to think about,” Taehyung says.

“Hey, I get it. You’ve been friends for a long time. It becomes a scary thing when you cross lines that have been drawn to permanence, almost. But it’s not impossible to learn new things, Tae, draw new lines, erase old ones,” Jimin says, tapping Taehyung on his knee.

Taehyung never thought the day would come that he would know exactly what he wants. He has lived a very relaxed life, cool, offhand and honestly, too laidback sometimes.

If one thing doesn’t fit, he goes and finds another way to make it work. To him, the concept of getting something that is good is just about the same thing as getting what you want. Or at least if it is good, eventually you could want it too.

His friendship with Jeongguk is something that is good, the best, actually. Which is exactly why it ails Taehyung sometimes to reconcile with the idea of trading the best friendship for something more.

What if things get awkward?
What if things change?
What if we don’t get along that way?

Two people give Taehyung odd looks when he groans loudly out in the balcony of the bar. His head is full of words, memories, and what ifs but it is significantly lighter than the thumping in his chest.

At first, he thought about everything that Jimin said and it made him feel relieved and hopeful.

Loving Jeongguk is easy; Taehyung has been doing that since they were children. Being in love with him is trickier. While being in love means caring and being devoted to each other, it also means exposing their friendship to changes and to possible incompatibilities that friends usually wouldn’t mind.

Taehyung groans again, longer this time.

His phone vibrates in his pocket and of course.

Jeonggukie: I can get out of here in 15 minutes. My dad has to go to the hospital.
Jeonggukie: He says hi

Tae: …

Taehyung feels like puking. He pushes off the balcony ledge and through a small crowd. The atmosphere becomes darker and the music becomes louder as he goes through the door to enter the bar again.

The line to the bathroom on the second floor is ridiculous so he squeezes himself against more people to get to the stairs. He starts to feel dizzy and his chest tightens. All he wants is to get out of there.

When he reaches the top of the stairs, he notices his breathing quicken and become shallow, as if he could not retain air. He feels like he is running after his breath and his chest throbs like many little knives stab at it.

Sweat beads appear on his forehead and soon he has to wipe his temples with the back of his hand as he perspires even more profusely when he reaches the middle of the stairs. He takes a rest, catching his breath.

The backlight of his phone reflects on his face.

Tae: …

Before he could type anything else, someone runs after someone down the steps. One of them slams hard on Taehyung and pushes him accidentally down the rest of the stairs.

Taehyung tumbles down and registers a pain on his arm and elbow as they hit the marble floor of the landing first.

“Taehyung!”

He hears Jimin’s panicked voice last before he blacks out.

Ü

Jeongguk and Jimin’s faces are the first things that Taehyung sees when he wakes up. The first thing he feels are a big sling and a stiff cement cast around his right forearm and elbow. His entire upper right limb and chest are immobile.

“Hey, you’re up,” Jimin says.

“How are you feeling?” Jeongguk asks.

“When did you get here?” Taehyung answers with a question.

“That’s not an answer, Tae,” Jeongguk croaks.

Taehyung inhales deeply. “I feel restricted.”

“Do you feel any pain?” Jeongguk asks.

“A little on my elbow, doctor,” Taehyung teases.

Jeongguk frowns.

“I’m okay,” Taehyung says, smile forming on his face.

“I’m going to go find the real doctor, okay?” Jimin interrupts, already walking away from the room.

Jeongguk relaxes on his seat but keeps an eye on Taehyung.

“Do you want your phone? I have it. We had to call your mom and brothers,” Jeongguk says while fishing the phone from his pocket.

Taehyung whines when he realizes that of course, his family needs to be informed by the hospital in case of accidents.

“What did my mom say?”

“They’ll be here in the morning. My dad already says it is best to observe you here for 24 hours. He wants to make sure you get monitored for any signs of head trauma since nobody witnessed how you fell,” Jeongguk says.

“Did you get to the party?” Taehyung asks.

Jeongguk smirks. “Really?”

Taehyung pouts a just asking expression.

“No. Jimin called me immediately. I came to the emergency room with my dad and they were already stitching you up.”

“How cool was it?” Taehyung asks.

“What?”

“The scene in the emergency room? Did you like it?”

The look on Jeongguk’s face is stern, serious.

“Jeonggukie, come on. I’m okay, see? It’s okay,” Taehyung says softly, trying to lighten the mood.

Jeongguk sighs. “I didn’t like the part where you were really hurt but,”

His face softens and the curve on his lips peeks. “It was really cool,” he murmurs, his cheeks erupting pink.

Taehyung giggles. “Soon, you will be part of that world too.”

Jeongguk smiles and Taehyung already feels the pain on his elbow fade.

Jeongguk’s dad and Jimin enter the room after a few minutes.

“I’m not your doctor because I haven’t accomplished all my documents for transfer yet. But I took over for your attending physician for tonight and I will be updated with all your results and monitoring,” Dr. Jeon says when Taehyung asks.

“Thank you, Dr. Jeon. And I’m really sorry for bothering you,” Taehyung says.

“Nonsense. We’ll talk some more in the morning when your mom gets here. You rest.”

“You too, Dr. Jeon.”

“You’re pretty familiar with hospitals, I know. But just in case you forgot,” Jeongguk’s dad walks towards the buttons beside Taehyung’s bed, “this button alerts the nurses’ station, this one adjusts the back rest of the bed, and this one turns your lamp on and off.”

“I got it, Doc. Thanks again.”

The doctor turns to the two other boys in the room. “And you future doctors will stay for the night, right?”

“Yes, dad,” Jeongguk says too eagerly.

Jimin just happily nods.

“Okay, get some rest too. I’ll be back in the morning. Watch over our patient,” Dr. Jeon says and leaves through the door.

“Yes, dad.”

Jimin passes out as soon as they turn off the lights. He takes one of the couches and Jeongguk stays in the other one farther away from the patient bed.

Taehyung knows that Jeongguk is still awake. He lies supine because he can’t move his arm very well and so he can’t see him but he hears Jeongguk rolling about.

He feels for the three buttons on his bed and presses the one that turns the lamp on. He flicks the light on and off in succession.

Jeongguk catches on and turns the light on his phone when Taehyung switches off his lamp.

Y-O-U-O-K-? Jeongguk taps his light repeatedly to reflect and hide the light on the ceiling, spelling out in Morse.

Taehyung responds, S-O-R-R-Y

W-H-Y-?

W-E-E

W-E-E-? Jeongguk repeats Taehyung’s code, trying to confirm it.

Taehyung flashes the code again, flicking his lamp on and off.

W-H-A-T-? Jeongguk still couldn’t decipher the word.

Taehyung turns his lamp on again.

“Oh my God, just talk like normal people. Are you trying to induce my childhood seizures back?” Jimin croaks, sounding infuriated, “No more flashing lights!”

Jeongguk and Taehyung laugh like they have not just been called out.

When they catch their breaths, Taehyung turns his head to find Jeongguk already looking.

“I have to pee, Jeonggukie. That’s what I was trying to say.”

Jeongguk chuckles. “P is dot, dash, dash, dot though. You we’re signaling W,” he says, already getting up to help his best friend.

“Fine, I’m a bit rusty. But isn’t wee also a term for urin—”

“Oh, please Jeongguk, just help the boy pee. So that other boys may sleep in peace,” Jimin chants sarcastically.

Jeongguk and Taehyung giggle some more on their way to the bathroom.

When Taehyung gets inside, he looks around, trying to figure out how to actually pee. His right arm is hung with a cast and his other hand has a splint stuck against his palm to secure the IV site. Jeongguk observes him while holding up the IV bottle above his head.

“Uhm, okay this is embarrassing,”

“Do you—” Jeongguk mutters.

“I actually can’t pee by myself,” Taehyung says, his face turning pink.

“Do you need me to unbutton your pants and then pull them all the way down to your thigh maybe? I won’t look. Then I’ll just wait outside until you’re done?” Jeongguk asks awkwardly.

“Pull what down? What are you unbuttoning there, Jeongguk?” Jimin yells from the room, already laughing his ass off.

The best friends hold in their snickering because it really looks so dumb not knowing how to go to the bathroom like this.

“Or would you like me to get the nurse?” Jeongguk asks again.

“Ugh, no. This is ridiculous. Let’s just try your plan,” Taehyung says.

“Okay,” Jeongguk says, hanging the IV bottle on a bathroom hook.

“Come here,” he says to Taehyung. He bends a little to reach Taehyung’s pants and unbuttons it.

“Jeongguk, I hope this is the lowest point in my life you ever witness,” Taehyung joshes.

“Shut up. You’re making it sound like you’re being molested,” Jeongguk chuckles.

“Who’s being molested?” Jimin yells out again, dumb snort apparent in his voice.

“Shut up!” both Jeongguk and Taehyung yell back at him.

“Ready?”
“Yeah.”

Jeongguk looks away while pulling down Taehyung’s bottoms. “That enough?” he asks.

“Is his penis out yet?” Jimin chortles.

The best friends crack up a little before Taehyung turns around towards the urinal. “It’s good, Jeonggukie. Thanks.”

“Call me when you’re done.”

“Okay.”

They go to bed later without much disruptions after the bathroom conundrum.

Jeongguk and Jimin go back to their dorms in the morning. Jimin still has some schoolwork left while Jeongguk volunteers to pack some of Taehyung’s clothes to bring back to the hospital.

While Taehyung is left in his room, Dr. Jeon drops by with Taehyung’s real attending physician, Dr. Sun.

“We have reviewed your laboratories and results from earlier Taehyung and we would like to ask you some questions,” Dr. Sun tells him.

“Okay, Doc.”

“Do you remember any symptoms of fatigue in the past? Chest pains? Shortness of breath? Do you tire easily?” Dr. Sun asks.

Taehyung recalls some nights that he wakes up with a heavy feeling in his chest especially when he is exhausted during the day. But he figured, some percentage of fatigue is because of his school load, including the lack of sleep and poor eating habits.

“I wake up sweaty sometimes, and feeling like I’ve just struggled underwater.”

“What else?”

“I do have chest pains sometimes and I have to catch my breath when I exert a lot of effort.” Taehyung also remembers being very tired and drained that night they went dancing.

“Anything else?” Dr. Jeon asks.

“That’s all I feel, doc,” Taehyung says. “Is something else wrong with me?”

The two doctors glance at each other briefly.

“We noted some changes in your EKG from last night. The waves that are supposed to record the movement of your heart indicate that there might be some irregularities in the patterns. When we checked your x-ray also, the heart is deviated a bit to the left, which means there might be some enlargement in one of the ventricles. These changes maybe the reason for some of your symptoms,” Dr. Jeon explains.

“Will it be bad, doc?”

“We would like to take you to get a 2D echo at least. That would show us the function of your heart and movement of the valves in it in real time. We have scheduled you to undergo one shortly,” Dr. Sun says.

“Okay, doctors.”

Dr. Jeon walks closer and squeezes Taehyung’s shoulder before leaving the room. “Don’t worry about it.” He winks at Taehyung before he turns a heel.

Taehyung doesn’t believe that worry is his first feeling receiving that kind of potentially life changing news. If uhm or oh can equate to feelings, they are definitely more appropriate to describe his sentiments right now. His somewhat indifferent response may have a mild likeness to shock. Or it could be that he is too ignorant of the condition right now, or that it is still too uncertain without the additional tests at the moment. Regardless, he tries to calm himself and drifts back to a rest until his next assessment.

Taehyung’s mom and brothers arrive in the afternoon. It is a mixture of concern and good old spanking in the room. As soon as his brothers realize that he was indeed drinking before he fell down the stairs, all other factors muted—the crowded stairs or the guy that run into him, gone.

“You stay away from stairs when you’re drunk, Tae,” Namjoon says.

“You stay away from drinking, period,” Seokjin advises, “the last time I fetched you, you couldn’t even get up,”

“Those were parties, hyungs. How was I supp—”

The door opens and their mother comes in.

There is a disengaged waft in her movements. She tries to beam at his sons but her smile is more sullen than happy.

“The doctors said they can discharge Tae tomorrow.”

“That’s great,” Namjoon and Seokjin chants at the same time.

Taehyung’s mom sits on the edge of the bed. “How about you, my baby? How are you feeling?”

Taehyung smiles at his mom, lips wide and cheeks full. “I’m fine, mom.”

She inhales deeply, shuts her eyes, creasing her forehead and the sides of her eyelids. When she opens her eyes, her expression is a bit cloudy.

“Will you come home with us?” she asks.

Seokjin and Namjoon had already started their business back at home and it has been thriving. They each have places of their own near the restaurant but they drop by the house very often.

“Mom,” Taehyung mutters, already sensing where his mom’s thick overcast is coming from. “Let me finish college here. I’ll be okay.”

“Wait, why is there a change of plans?” Seokjin asks.

“Yeah, is it because of the accident or is there something else?” Namjoon adds.

Taehyung’s mom turns to her two other sons. “I just spoke to Dr. Sun and Dr. Jeon. They ran some tests because they spotted changes in Taehyung’s heart pattern while he was unconscious last night.”

Namjoon takes a seat. Seokjin crosses his arms anticipating his mom’s next words.

“According to Dr. Jeon, it is not a very bad condition, but it does need monitoring and some medication.”

“What’s the condition?” Namjoon inquires.

“It’s a hole in one of the heart muscles. They said it was probably small at first but when there is a significant load on the heart, it causes complications.”

“So, what, will Tae need surgery?” Seokjin asks.

“Well, not immediately. They mentioned that the best treatment is to close the hole but it is not emergent right now. So, eventually. That is unless if Tae—” Mrs. Kim looks back at Taehyung, her words trail away.

“I would like to see if I can maintain the medication first, if that’s—,”

Seokjin interrupts. “Did you know about this Tae? Did you not tell us?”

“Hyung,” he looks at each of their faces. “I started feeling heaviness in my chest a couple of months ago but I thought I was just tired from school. I didn’t know before today either when they brought me for further evaluation.”

There is a silence in the room for a few moments. Everyone seems to be taking in the information the best way they can process it.

Taehyung’s mom moves beside him to wrap him in an embrace. “We’ll talk about it soon at home when you’re done with the rest of your schoolwork for the semester. Just promise to tell me if it hurts again, okay?”

“Thanks, mom.”

Ü

Obviously, everything else automatically becomes second only to Taehyung.

Studying in the library with Jimin suddenly does not exist.

Saturday organization meetings have been scattered to any other day of the week because Taehyung’s weekly check-ups are on Saturdays and those cannot be rescheduled.

Afterschool parties are pushed back to the end of the year until they have all been missed eventually. Who even needs parties?

Taehyung eventually learned how to adapt to his limited movements. He can eat, study, dress himself slowly, get to bed and pee with only one free hand. He can do all these when Jeongguk is not around but most nights after school, Jeongguk insists on helping him with almost everything.

Taehyung has not told Jeongguk about his heart condition. He asked the doctor to not disclose to his son yet, asked his brothers and mother to keep it a secret too. They found it silly at first because Jeongguk knows everything about Taehyung but later on, they let Taehyung decide when to reveal his own illness to whom.

“I’ll do it, hang on,” Jeongguk cries, stumbling on a chair to get to the table.

“I can eat gimbap on my own, Jeongguk,” Taehyung whines.

“Yeah, no, your left hand can’t maneuver chopsticks,” Jeongguk says.

“Oh, and yours can?”

Jeongguk smirks deeply at Taehyung. He picks up a pair of chopsticks with his left hand and effortlessly wedges a gimbap piece between them. He raises it to his mouth and eats it, smirk still playing at his face.

“Good surgeons are ambidextrous. It means they can utilize both right and left hands for—”

“Yeah, yeah,” Taehyung cuts him off, “Show off.”

Jeongguk chuckles.

“I can use my left hand to feed myself too, thank you very much,” Taehyung brags, picking up a gimbap roll with his fingers and pops it in his mouth. “See?”

Jeongguk laughs so hard he almost falls off his seat.

Sometimes Jeongguk offers to help Taehyung dress himself. Buttons become his worst nightmare, and he realizes that most of his clothes sport button-down styles.

When Jeongguk is so close, Taehyung has to actively control his breathing and barricade the crazy thoughts in his mind. There are times when Jeongguk accidentally brushes his fingers on Taehyung’s tummy or chest that he has to try to ignore the feeling and gulp the sensations away.

Every time, before Jeongguk reaches the top two buttons, he always smoothens the lapels on either side of the garment and Taehyung feels each gentle stroke of Jeongguk’s hands on his own collarbones.

What drives Taehyung even crazier is that every time Jeongguk lets go of Taehyung, he drags his gaze from Taehyung’s chest to his lips and then to his eyes.

“Done,” Jeongguk always says.

A couple of times, Jeongguk tried to ask if Taehyung needed help taking a bath. Taehyung is not completely repulsed by the offer but he is not sure if his heart can take Jeongguk scrubbing his body with soap. He ends up joking about it every time and says that his arm is not so painful anymore when he moves it and that he can already bathe himself faster.

Jeongguk takes it as a good sign of recovery but Taehyung feels silly just thinking about why he actually refuses.

In three months, the cement cast comes off and Taehyung starts some physical rehabilitation on his arm. Jeongguk takes him to the center for a few sessions and soon learns to do each motion therapy himself.

Every night, before they start homework and studying, Jeongguk helps Taehyung with his routines until he can fully exercise his arm and elbow and there are no more limitations in movement.

By graduation, Taehyung’s arm is good as new and the friends, Jimin included, walk to the stage with brand new hopes for their future dreams.

Ü

“You’ll be too busy to hang out though,” Taehyung says, face stoic, eyes distant.

The wind blowing his hair off his face is cool. The beautiful sun doesn’t even scorch as much. The view of the sea is one of the best things that Taehyung has ever seen in his life.

When he glances at Jeongguk, his best friend also had that contemplating look on his face. He is sure he will miss him the most.

It is the break in between graduation and well, the rest of their lives.

Taehyung’s promise to his mother in exchange for finishing the last semester of college even when he was hurt and sick was that he would come back to join the expanding business of his brothers after graduation. That really was his actual plan anyway, it just felt too far away to think about then while he was in the university.

Jeongguk applied for internship in the hospital where his dad now works. Jimin also recently got accepted there.

“I think your business will take up much of your time too,” Jeongguk counters.

They sit on the deck that stretches to the sea. Their feet dangle on the edge, occasionally getting wet from the splashes of water to the shore below. They planned this trip to Jimin’s hometown a few months ago and now they have a couple of days to relax and spend time with each other before they move on with their post-graduation plans.

Taehyung chuckles. “I guess I’ll just call you every night then.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Tae,” Jeongguk frowns.

“Oh, don’t drag me down so much. I know you won’t pick up most of my calls,” Taehyung says.

“No fair. I don’t like calls,” Jeongguk chortles.

“Fine, I’ll call Jimin every night then,” Taehyung teases.

Jeongguk locks a gaze with Taehyung. They both sigh and then smile at each other after.

When they both look back to the horizon, a particularly big wave crashes on the rocks below them. Seafoam licks at the soles of their feet.

They both flinch at the sensation, raising their feet and hands briefly, giggle for a moment then sit back down comfortably. Jeongguk rests his palms down on the deck and Taehyung incidentally puts his hand on top of Jeongguk’s.

“Oh, sorry,” Taehyung chuckles, taking his hand off right away.

It takes about eight years for Taehyung to realize that he likes his best friend. Since the day that he learned about his feelings for Jeongguk, he denied himself of every urge to make a move or to drop any hints to pursue him. He came up with all sorts of excuses to justify his hesitations—he is afraid that it might ruin their friendship, he can’t distract Jeongguk from reaching his dreams, they will be far away from each other, he is not sure if Jeongguk would like him back, and the list goes on.

Before Taehyung could place his palm on the deck, cautious of the position of Jeongguk’s hand this time, he is surprised of what he feels next.

Jeongguk flips his own hand and reaches for Taehyung’s hovering hand. He gently squeezes Taehyung’s palm and drags it down to rest it on the wooden deck.

Taehyung’s eyes blink wide, not able to comprehend what is happening right now. Jeongguk doesn’t look at him, his eyes are on the glistening, blue sea.

Jeongguk is not much more oblivious or unmindful than Taehyung. The fact is, Jeongguk minds any and every single thing that has to do with Taehyung. Taehyung is Jeongguk’s many firsts—first friend, first roommate, first playmate, first patient, and in being so, Jeongguk gave much time and effort in knowing Taehyung the best—his looks, his sighs, his smiles, his flinches.

“Just—just this once,” Jeongguk stutters, “without all the books and the exams, without my org mates or your brothers, without all the flowers you want to plant and all the dreams I want to reach. Just before I go and just before you stay. Just you and me and this sea, let me hold your hand,” Jeongguk looks at Taehyung’s face, “I’ve been wanting to for a long time now.”

Taehyung is stunned by Jeongguk’s words. His entire body freezes under the afternoon sun. He couldn’t do anything but just look back at Jeongguk, bewildered and a little sliver panicky inside.

“Was that too forward?” Jeongguk says.

Taehyung holds back a snicker.

He could not have imagined anything like this happening today.

Or soon.
Or ever.

Taehyung did not prepare for this, not keenly, not yet, not at all. Which is why the current scenario in his head is that monkey banging cymbals, the word count on his mouth is zero and the only sensation that registers to him is Jeongguk’s hand on his, which is exaggeratedly and dramatically heaven-provided.

“You don’t have to say anything, Tae.” Jeongguk looks away now. “I mean, even if I shut my mouth, keep my thoughts away, forever hold my peace, I plan to love you for the rest of my life anyway. Even if you might not feel the same."

Taehyung can’t take his eyes off Jeongguk. Everything this is feels like a dream—the sea, the sun, Jeongguk’s bare heart, his perfect words.

“I can bargain and argue with myself, deny my feelings, murder them and shove them in a box, I can do those forever, as long as I still get to be with you. It’s just that, I have to tell you how I feel before I combust with it. You’re my best friend, and if you feel like we are better off staying that way, I respect—”

Jeongguk sighs when the hand he is holding pulls away. He turns his head to look at Taehyung and he is already moving closer to Jeongguk. He would be lying if he didn’t imagine this moment in his head at least one hundred times. Even then, he could not have known it would feel this blissful and divine.

Taehyung puts his hands on Jeongguk’s shoulders and pulls him even closer. With no preambles, no hesitations and no more panic as it seems, Taehyung shuts his eyes, leans in and brushes his lips ever so gently on Jeongguk’s.

The moment Jeongguk tastes Taehyung’s mouth, he can’t help but to close his eyes too.

For a fraction of a second, Taehyung pauses, if only to draw breath into the sensation, if only to feed warmth to the nerves inside him that fire witlessly, relentlessly. Jeongguk stays still too, expecting. There is a soft tickle of small breaths than fan under their noses, purposely pacifying.

Taehyung moves his lips again very slowly through Jeongguk’s bottom lip to feel it, nibble on it, soft, moist, hypnotizing.

Taehyung’s jaw defines its angle beautifully when he opens his mouth more, moving slowly around Jeongguk’s, through the corners, on his upper lip, drinking all of him, savoring all of the years, wiping all of the hidden feelings away.

They press deeper against each other’s mouths, yearning, wanting, exploring. The movements of their lips catch rhythm but stay gentle and unhurried. It is soothing. It is quiet.

It barely feels like a release for both of them. It isn’t an uproar or a burst of years of safeguarded thoughts and emotions, rather, the kiss felt like an imprint, and then a promise.

As they pour their hearts in the fervor of their dancing mouths, they build a monument of their faith in each other, their trust in the chronicles of their youth, and if they will, a vow for what is yet to come.

The sky is clearer than any blue they have ever lived under. The sounds of the waters and birds together are more beautiful than any other harmonies they have heard in the past.

The core of their intimacy becomes cradled slowly by their caring advances, sealed by the heat of their kiss.

The marrow of their devotion to each other pulsates with the desire that collected over the years.

And over the years, it gathered in them as if they are saving it for when they might get famished. For when they might not have what they have now, which is the nearness of each other, their connection to the other’s bare bones and every complexity that came after as they grew up alongside themselves.

Taehyung and Jeongguk somehow find their way to be nearer to each other.

Jeongguk tips closer, presses copiously, reserves nothing if not for Taehyung, gives effusively, wholeheartedly. He tastes and traces Taehyung’s lips, nips slightly then gradually. He drags his pillowy mouth slowly and sweetly over sensitive skin that move with the exact same pace and fondness, and God, Taehyung will always match his every feeling and every craving precisely how he yearns it.

He can do this forever, and why did he not start sooner.

“Jeongguk,” Taehyung manages to huff in the tiny moment their faces separate. Jeongguk chases Taehyung’s mouth with a last peck as he feels a gentle nudge to part briefly.

The air that they share is nourishing yet they come out breathless. Eyes still closed, eyebrows still burrowed, they rest on each other, leaning, foreheads touching as if the balances of their bodies depend only on it.

The moment after the kiss is a euphoria, a lightness that seems to be buoyed and sustained by gravity of each other’s nearness instead of the earth’s own force.

Jeongguk mindlessly drifts, draws his hands the closest he can on Taehyung. He lands them on Taehyung’s neck and the boy immediately flinches fiercely away.

Alas. The only time Jeongguk forgets Taehyung’s tickle.

Taehyung shies away with a crisp giggle, folding his head down to hide his neck. Jeongguk withdraws his hands, withdraws his body, falls back to watch his best friend laugh out loud, one of his favorite things on earth.

They kiss some more and giggle a couple more times. Whether it was on purpose that they skip it entirely or not, they don’t plan out anything for the two of them. They agree to carry on with the plans they have for the next years and try their best to be there for each other as often and as much as they can.

“We’ll free fall then,” Jeongguk says.

“Mmm, see where we come to rest later,” Taehyung adds, knowing exactly where he plans to land.

“I won’t drift too far,” Jeongguk promises.

“And I’ll be right here,” Taehyung says before they get up and start walking away from the sea.

Jeongguk is a shining star, he always has been. He achieves his goals one step at a time until he becomes the brightest one up there. Good thing he taught Taehyung how to locate the most beautiful stars in the night. Taehyung will always look up to Jeongguk and would always admire him

Ü

Taehyung joined his brothers’ business as soon as he graduated college. With him on board, they began to experiment on offering a more inclusive catering experience.

Taehyung explored the market on commercial flower growing and distribution. The vision they had was to merge food service and event preparations, which included designs and entertainment.

After a few months of research and planning, Taehyung started to collaborate with flower nurseries and greenhouses in the near radius of their business. He teamed up with packaging and delivery services that handled the shipping to the events.

Hoseok joined their team a little later as the sounds and entertainment guy. When he gathered a sustainable set of performers and some better quality sound systems, he became in charge of the technical section of the business.

By the end of the year, all the cogs have seemingly been assembled beautifully in the machine that they tried to build for a long time. Each of them worked hard and polished their own strengths and interests very well.

Families booked their team for gatherings, weddings, birthday parties and such. Companies seek out their packages for annual parties, team building programs and retirement celebrations. They handled bigger and bigger events as they became better at their work.

Taehyung especially found his niche in the work he does. He had been learning so much about growing flowers, their conditions and their trade.

He learned how to tend to stargazers and how they blend well with wedding ensembles. He learned to sprout unique off-season daphnes and rare-colored lilies, like red ones, which apparently exist.

On the side, he learned how to grow baby’s breaths because they are frequently chosen in parties. And because it reminds him of the stars.

And stars remind him of Jeongguk.

After years, Taehyung still calls Jeongguk every night. Even when Jeongguk answers sorry, let’s talk later more often than he actually gets in a proper conversation.

Taehyung knows about this. He expected this. He is only grateful that Jeongguk actually picks up his phone at all, and almost every time.

His brothers do a quirky thumbs up dance on the side every time Jeongguk has a minute to talk. At one point, they even bet on every phone call. Happy that their brother found an even cozier place with Jeongguk albeit the situation the two are trying to navigate, Namjoon and Seokjin do their best to support and cheer on the ‘blooming’ relationship.

“Was it that Dr. Min person again?” Taehyung cries on the phone.

“Yeah, well I don’t care how great he is. If he keeps treating you like that, does he really deserve your praises?”

Jeongguk is more than halfway through his residency, but that means he still answers to seniors. One of them is Dr. Min Yoongi, a seemingly crabby, not very friendly colleague of Jeongguk’s who incidentally is the most brilliant one of the senior batches.

Jeongguk is Dr. Min’s immediate junior and despite his grumpy disposition, he seems to have taken a fondness on Jeongguk. That entails making sure Jeongguk is a living dynamo of his field. That means, he insists that Jeongguk assist in all his operations no matter what status Jeongguk’s is in, fuck if he has been on duty for an entire week or if he has only slept four winks in the entire duration.

“Jeongguk, that’s just not…fair,” Taehyung resolves, looking defeated.

Jeongguk asserts that he is privileged because Dr. Min wouldn’t even glance a second time at anyone of his batchmates, wouldn’t let just anyone touch his patients, or enter his operating room unless he chooses to specifically.

I can handle it, Tae. Don’t worry, Jeongguk even manages to comfort Taehyung over the phone, and he should be the one in distress.

When Taehyung copes to contain his concern sufficiently over the phone, he hangs up.

“I have to see him. Like really see him.” Taehyung says, rubbing his cheeks with his palms.

For three years, Jeongguk basically lived in the hospital. He saw his dad every day there too. So, the only reason Jeongguk comes back home is to visit Taehyung. Even then, his trips usually lasted only two days at most.

He hasn’t even seen Taehyung’s flower beds yet.

Naturally, training in the hospital meant a heavy demand for a doctor’s hours and efforts. This means Jeongguk couldn’t really take breaks as frequently as he would have wanted. This was not a foreign concept to Taehyung. He saw this with Dr. Jeon’s schedule. He understood this too.

Aside from that, when Jeongguk’s dad transferred hospitals, no one lived in the house anymore so he had to sign it up for lease.

Jeongguk was more than welcome to stay in the Kim’s house of course, if only he could afford to leave the hospital more often.

“We have a booking in the city in two months!” Namjoon bellows excitedly, dimples digging in his cheeks. “It’s in— what’s the hospital again, hyung?” he snaps at Seokjin.

“Far East Hospital? Or medi—”

“Far Eastern Medical Center? That’s Jeongguk’s hospital, hyung. Why didn’t you tell me?” Taehyung beams.

“I actually forgot,” Namjoon says, raising a finger.

“And we haven’t decided on that yet.”

“Hyung,” Taehyung barks at Seokjin.

“It’s a big occasion, Tae and it will be around the holidays.”

“On the 29th of December,” Namjoon supplements.

“I don’t know if we can handle the transfers and if we can get enough people to work on that day,” Seokjin rebuts.

The three of them mull over Seokjin’s words.

“We can hold off bookings for this month to accommodate planning,” Namjoon suggests, already biting his lips in anticipation for Seokjin’s response.

“Jeongguk will be alone on Christmas again,” Taehyung pouts.

Seokjin sighs, contemplating. Namjoon and Taehyung silently await their hyung’s decision.

“Fine, join him then,” he says.

Taehyung lunges at his brother from his seat and wraps him in a tight hug.

“Okay, you’re choking me,” Seokjin coughs out.

“I’m calling them to accept the booking,” Namjoon announces and steps out.

Taehyung doesn’t let his brother go. He tells him how much he appreciates the support that he and Namjoon provide him always.

“Tae,” Seokjin exaggerates a choking sound.

When Taehyung finally loosens his arms around Seokjin, he coughs a few more times then faces Taehyung with a stern expression.

“I’m doing this for you to be happy,” he says.

“I know, hyung. Thank you.”

“I’m not done.”

Taehyung blinks at Seokjin. He relaxes back to his seat.

“One condition. Tell Jeongguk about your heart problem. I know you guys are together together, taking it slow and supporting each other from afar and all that. But you love that boy and I know that boy loves you. So, he deserves to know about all of you. Understood?” Seokjin says.

Taehyung’s ailment has had its ups and downs since they found out about it. Most days, he is asymptomatic, but some random days, his heart thrums and he needs to catch his breath.

The medication he takes seems to be doing wonders, lessening the symptoms and controlling the function of his heart but many times, it causes dizziness and weakness. When they monitored the status of his heart a couple of months ago, there weren’t many changes in the structure and function. It means, Taehyung is still a candidate for cardiac surgery.

“I am planning to, hyung. I just don’t want to add more stress to him right now.”

“I get that. I know you are biding your time. Just don’t hide it too long that he would be so upset about it being told to him last. I don’t think because I love you the most is going to work on him. He’s the only other doctor that should know about it.”

“He just takes care of me so much, hyung. He really goes out of his way. I don’t want him to throw anything away for me,” Taehyung says.

“That was before, Tae. He is a doctor now. He will know what circumstances will need more emergent actions. I believe that among any of us, he would have the best judgment about it. Besides, don’t you think his dad would not have told us to be more aggressive if he thinks we already needed to be?”

Taehyung nods.

“You tell him not because you are consulting him what to do. Or not because you are indirectly asking him to take care of you, even if you’re not trying to. You tell him because he matters most to you. You tell him even when you’re scared of what he will say. You tell him because you love him. Am I making sense to you?”

“Yes, hyung.”

By the sea, Taehyung was so close to telling Jeongguk about his heart condition. He wanted to tell him because he was scared and because Jeongguk is his best friend. But he was more terrified that Jeongguk might freak out and not pursue his dreams just so he could stay by Taehyung’s side.

Even before Jeongguk realized that he loved Taehyung more than a friend, he already loved him with all his heart. It was this fact that made Taehyung hold back on the truth.

Whenever his chest ached, whenever he felt tightness in his breath, Taehyung prayed that the pain would subside, that he could be spared again so he doesn’t have to bother Jeongguk with his illness, not right now at least.

But Seokjin was right, Taehyung pondered later on. Jeongguk deserves to know no matter what the circumstances are. Jeongguk deserves to know because he loves Taehyung.

Taehyung will tell Jeongguk because he loves him.

Ü

“I’m so excited! I’ll be dead tired but I’ll try to take on my human form when you come,” Jeongguk babbles when Taehyung calls him up early that morning.

“Did you get any sleep?” Taehyung asks.

“No! Dr. Min had back-to-back ORs but they were so cool! I did a cardiac massage on an open chest, the guy was dead for ten minutes!”

Taehyung spits out the breakfast empanada bite he was chewing. “That sounds amazing, Jeonggukie,” he says, trying to hide the mortified chill in his tone. He basks in the sound of Jeongguk’s enthusiasm.

“It is! I’ll tell you some more stories later. I have to go. I need to finish rounds before the party later. Bye, Tae. I love you!”

I love you?

Taehyung has heard Jeongguk express his affection to him at least a million times. He has told him how important he is to him and how he only has eyes for him.

He has never heard him say it directly to him, I love you. Did he just best-friend say it or did he blurt it out in his excitement?

“Tae, it’s time to go!” Seokjin yells out.

Taehyung is frozen, his phone remains flat on his face, his fingers stuck curled over it.

“Kim Taehyung, get your ass over h—” Seokjin bursts through the living room with a lungful of wrath when he sees his brother stunned in his corner.

“What’s wrong? Tae, what’s—mom! Namjoon, get in here!” Seokjin cries, tapping Taehyung’s face and shoulders lightly.

“Jeongguk said he loves me,” Taehyung mutters, voice just above a whisper.

“What?” Seokjin panics while leaning his ear closer to Taehyung. “What did you say?”

“What is it?” Namjoon rushes from outside, sounding breathless.

Taehyung pans from Namjoon’s face to Seokjin’s. “Jeongguk said he loves me,” he says quietly, face blooming to an excited grin.

“Fucking hell,” Seokjin mumbles, panicked face morphing to an irritated one.

Namjoon walks closer. “What did he say?”

“Nothing. We’re leaving,” Seokjin turns a heel. “Mom, we’re going!”

“What is it, Tae?” Namjoon approaches Taehyung who is a second away from a little-baby-girl giggle.

“He said he loves me, hyung.”

The look of terror on Namjoon’s face slumps to a peeved one too, similar to Seokjin’s. He walks away with an exaggerated eye roll.

Taehyung’s mom races in lastly. “You okay, honey? Seokjin and Namjoon looked upset.”

“Mom,” Taehyung’s expression changes from astonished to adoring, “I have to tell Jeongguk that I love him.”

Mrs. Kim, for one, doesn’t find it that ridiculous and matches the striking affection on Taehyung’s voice. “You need to leave now then if you want to do that. It will keep your brother’s stress levels down too.”

“You think I should bring him flowers?”

His mom scoots closer and wraps Taehyung in a warm embrace. “My love, I don’t think Jeongguk needs more flowers. I’ve seen him beam at you like you’re the entire garden.”

Taehyung feels like running. He feels like finishing the event immediately. He feels like rushing and tearing the hospital apart to find Jeongguk.

He feels like holding unto him no matter what. He feels like loving him forever, as if he has never vowed it before. He has, but now he plans to run wild and yell it out.

Ü

“The flower arrangement is flawless, Sir,” someone says, tapping Taehyung on his shoulder.

Taehyung flashes a wide smile when he turns to acknowledge the compliment. His eyes soon pop when his sight falls on the energetic ray of sunshine snatching his attention.

“Jimin! Oh my God!”

The two friends hug and cry out words of praises and endearment to each other.

Jimin is about to finish his training in the medical field also. During his first years in residency, he often called Taehyung to rant about his seniors and the heavy work load. He cried about the first few patients that died under his care. Many times, Taehyung talked him through his quitting moments and helped him recenter to his dreams.

Taehyung visited the hospital a couple of times in the past, thinking Jeongguk might have some use for comforting words. But as Taehyung already knew, Jeongguk is a star and never needed the emotional support that he provided for Jimin.

Most of the times that Taehyung appeared, Jeongguk was occupied with multiple things—conferences, operations, senior rounds.

Jimin, on the other hand, would sneak fifteen minutes off his duties to get coffee with Taehyung whenever he got stood up. Of course, there were visits that were solely for Jimin, and he enjoyed those just as much.

As Jeongguk and Jimin trained harder over the years however, they had lesser and lesser time to arrange for leisure.

Moreover, Jeongguk’s schedule became more erratic than ever. The work was harsh and the timing for anything—a perforated abdomen, a ruptured spleen, or a lifesaving bypass surgery adjusted for no one.

Again, Taehyung didn’t mind this. Taehyung saw this with Dr. Jeon when he was younger and understood it.

“So,” Taehyung segues impatiently, “where might I find Jeongguk then?”

“Mmm, easy. He has an abdominal aortic aneurysm repair ongoing,” Jimin says, popping a devilled egg in his mouth.

He widens his eyes where he left a bite. “Oh my God, this is heavenly.”

“An abdominal—?”

“Where is Seokjin hyung? I need to marry him.”

Taehyung pouts.

Jimin rolls his eyes when he spots the deliberate sulk. “Let me guess, he said he would make it here?”

“He said he finishes before 10pm,” Taehyung murmurs.

“Yeah, did he say which year?” Jimin teases.

Taehyung holds in a cackle but fails miserably.

He understands Jeongguk’s profession, his erratic schedule, his choices.

After a few drinks, Taehyung spills a glass of white wine, squirts gravy on a mantel piece, bumps into a marble ornament and the bathroom door.

Do you need me to take you? Jimin asked earlier.

Taehyung smirks when he finally reaches a urinal. Told you I didn’t need help.

It is past 11pm and the people at the mobile bar started chugging their last orders. Half of the attendees of the yearend party have lined up outside to wait for valet. The younger half of them are still grinding on the dance floor to Hoseok’s alluring playlist.

The staff are beginning to clear out plates and dismantling table set-ups. Namjoon and Seokjin are over by the buffet table probably managing the remaining food.

Taehyung scans the hall for Jimin but he can’t seem to find him. He tries to rub off the exhaustion in his eyes and explores the venue again. He goes through a small group of dancing ladies, looks around and all directions until he reaches the buffet area.

“Hyung, have you guys seen Jimin?” he asks Namjoon.

“I thought he went after you? Did he not go outside?”

“Ugh, I can’t find him,” he whines, squinting at the dancefloor strobe lights. “I’ll go look outside.”

Namjoon just nods.

Ü

Taehyung sobers up slightly while walking around in search for Jimin. He tries to recall if Jimin said anything about being on duty, in that maybe he was called in for an emergency too. He couldn’t remember.

The elevator dings but Taehyung absentmindedly keeps tapping on the UP button. He reached the lobby a while back and now he decided to just go back to the ballroom.

At almost midnight, Taehyung’s cellphone is already dead. At this point, the only chance of finding Jimin and hence Jeongguk is going back to the event.

More people are leaving the venue when he reached the main doors.

“Taehyung!”

Taehyung recognizes Jimin’s voice and turns around.

“Where have you been?” Taehyung asks, annoyed.

“I went out looking for you too. I thought you passed out in the bathroom or something,” Jimin says.

“Well, I didn’t. And now, I have to get back inside to help pack up,” Taehyung says.

As he was about to reach for the door handle, Jimin stops him.

“Let’s go through the door in the back. It’s closer to the buffet table.”

“Okay,” Taehyung shrugs.

They go around the ballroom and through the smaller door in the back.

Taehyung gasps when all of the strobe lights are gone, all the candle center pieces have been put out and the entire hall is pitch dark.

“What just ha—”

“Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you,” Jimin leads the song. “Happy birthday dear Taehyung.”

Some staff push in the room a candlelit gorgeous two-tier cake and his brothers begin to gather around him.

“Happy birthday to you.” The song ends and some clapping and cheering fills the room.

“Aw, thank you everyone! I didn’t even realize,” Taehyung babbles, his face illuminated with dancing lights.

“Make a wish, Tae,” Namjoon says.

Taehyung closes his eyes and after a few minutes opens them. He blows all the candles on the cake and the lights become switched on. A lively tune blasts from the music booth.

When they wheel away the cake to the side, Taehyung adjusts his still buzzed eyes to the room. His brothers hug him, and then Jimin and Hoseok too. Their workers crowd little by little to greet him and disperse after.

Some of them start dancing around while Seokjin gathers some plates to distribute the cake.

As a few more people are shaking his hand, patting him and sharing smiles with him, a warmth envelops his back side and he does not mistake it while it comes with a whisper, “Happy birthday, Tae.”

The beam on his face ignites even brighter and the jolt in his body perpetuates from every nerve to the tips of every hair follicle on his skin.

“Jeonggukie,” he mumbles to himself.

He turns around to the next beat of his heart, to the sound of his soul, to his soul itself, and finally catches a glimpse of him.

Jeongguk looks tired but not tired at all for this. The smile on his face is a vision, a tribute of his devotion to the two of them. Jeongguk is youthful, not so young as when he played more often with Taehyung but he exudes that vibrance no matter.

Taehyung collides with his best friend in an embrace and it is the most heavenly feeling ever.

“Did you make a good wish?” Jeongguk mutters into Taehyung’s ear.

Taehyung giggles. “Felt like I didn’t even need it.”

The ballroom jumped with its back-to-back events filling the night and bleeding to the wee hours of the morning. When everybody eventually retired from the dancefloor, they packed their lastminute crates and dragged away the last of the boxes to their trucks ready to put them away again for another event soon.

“We’re going now, Tae,” Namjoon calls out.

Taehyung pouts at Jeongguk who was telling the story of a girl who came in for follow up today.

Jimin actually gets called back for an emergency shortly after eating cake. He greets Taehyung happy birthday one more time and promises to visit him in town soon.

“Okay, that’s everything. That’s a wrap,” Seokjin announces.

The brothers walk over to where Jeongguk and Taehyung are.

“We need him back by next year, okay, Jeongguk?” Seokjin says, winking.

“What?” Taehyung gasps.

“Yeah, your deadline is on January first,” Namjoon adds, referring to the day after tomorrow. “Make it count.”

Jeongguk just chuckles in contentment, grateful eyes grazing at the brothers.

“Wait, what’s going on?” Taehyung asks.

Seokjin swings his bag across his shoulder. “We’re leaving you. Bye.”

“Jeongguk will take care of you now.” Namjoon walks over, takes Taehyung’s face in his hands and lands a smooch on his forehead. “Happy birthday.”

He lets loose a finger gun before walking away.

Taehyung, speechless and stunned turns to look at Jeongguk.

Smiling, Jeongguk reaches out to smoothen Taehyung’s creased eyebrows, a habit. “Let’s go, birthday boy,” he says.

Ü

Jeongguk only has two cups of ramen in his pantry and a carton of milk in his fridge. This is why he is getting a sermon at three in the morning the moment they set foot in his apartment.

“Oh, the food at the cafeteria better have one million calories more than your entire kitchen, Jeongguk. Seriously they overwork you and take all your time. Who even can do groceries with the kind of schedule you have?” Taehyung monologues as he busies himself in Jeongguk’s kitchen scrubbing a stain that irritated him the moment he got there.

“I mean do I have to march to your director’s office to give them a piece of my mind? Those hours are inhuman and no one deserves to live like that. What are you, a slave?”

Taehyung’s temper wavers and plummets to a cooling when Jeongguk snakes his arms around his waist. He drops his head heavy on Taehyung’s shoulder, his eyes shut against the fabric of Taehyung’s shirt. He makes a low, satisfied groan.

“I’m so happy you’re here. I missed you,” Jeongguk murmurs.

This is the real first time that Jeongguk spends with Taehyung. This is the first time Taehyung sees Jeongguk’s apartment, the first time that he breaks down his thoughts about Jeongguk’s work, the first time he felt comforted again simply by Jeongguk’s touch.

This is the first time Jeongguk turns him around and looks at him in the eyes too passionately, first time hands caress his neck slow enough not to trigger a tickle. After all these years and Jeongguk finally controls Taehyung’s sensations for the first time.

“Jeongguk,” Taehyung holds in a breath when Jeongguk moves his face close to his neck. And when Jeongguk drags his nose from his collarbone to his jaw, Taehyung’s tiny giggle escapes.

Jeongguk smirks. “Thought I’d tamed your tickle, my little flower bud.”

“What did you call me?” Taehyung breathes out, moving his head away to gaze at Jeongguk.

“You know what,” Jeongguk stirs Taehyung.

Taehyung smiles vibrantly at Jeongguk, heart dancing in his chest, blooms sprouting around it. Anything that Jeongguk does overwhelms him—his attention to Taehyung’s interests, his fond expressions, the croak in his voice especially when he is this tired.

“I have something to tell you,” Taehyung murmurs.

Jeongguk tilts his head back in curiosity.

“I think I have feelings for you,” he swallows, “Romantic feelings.”

Taehyung’s words make Jeongguk’s heart flutter. Now he has a stupid grin on his face.

“Well, say something. I feel like I’m the only one struggling here.”

Jeongguk tightens his embrace on Taehyung, moves every inch closer until they are chest to chest. His eyes are doting, the beautiful curl on his lips tender. “You have no idea what you are to me, do you?”

Taehyung licks his lips, breath ready to escape his mouth.

“I’ll show you,” Jeongguk whispers, leaning to close the gap between their mouths.

The softness of Jeongguk’s mouth is magnetic and spellbinding. It keeps Taehyung wanting more. The rhythm he leads to consume Taehyung’s mouth is obsessive but it is graceful, like a quiet tumble. He spends time, immerses in the dips of Taehyung’s hollowed cheeks, biding teeth and luring tongue.

The welcome that Taehyung beds in his mouth is an attractive request. When Jeongguk purposely spills himself inside, tongue exploring, moist and eager, Taehyung lets out a bashful moan. The alluring sound sticks itself inside Jeongguk’s ear canals and drums in there like a pulse, an addicting one.

“Shit,” Jeongguk grumbles, lips red and swollen when they come out of their kiss.

“What?” Taehyung purrs, eyes shut and absorbed.

“I’m, fuck,” Jeongguk flusters for a second. He pulls away from Taehyung.

“Oh my,” Taehyung rasps, smirk already forming on his face.

He can’t take his eyes off the lump on Jeongguk’s pants.

“Sorry, I,” Jeongguk steps back but Taehyung pulls him back.

“Hey, what’s—are you, is the doctor nervous?” Taehyung teases, chuckle already bolting from his breath.

He holds Jeongguk by his arms, ducking his head to search for his eyes.

“I’m not—I don’t know if we’re—”

“Jeongguk,” Taehyung huffs, “do you know how terrified I was every time you offered to help me in the bathroom when I had that cast on?”

Jeongguk bites on his lips and blinks at Taehyung.

“Yeah, I felt like my heart was going to drop out from my asshole, scared shitless that my cock might spring out aggressively hard because you stand so close every time!”

“Tae!” Jeongguk cries, outraged.

Taehyung laughs hard, endeared at how beautiful Jeongguk blushes and flusters. His cackling ceases when Jeongguk interrupts him.

“I jerked off once thinking of you,” Jeongguk says flatly.

“Once?” Taehyung asks boldly.

“I’m a little embarrassed by it but since you doubted me, it’s really once a week or more.”

When Taehyung’s startled face blushes a solid pink too, Jeongguk dives in to kiss him even deeper. He sucks less delicately this time, jaw clenching with need.

When they both exasperate, Taehyung pulls away. He walks and presses Jeongguk against the kitchen counter.

“May I please open my birthday present now?” he purrs, gently rubbing his leg on Jeongguk’s bulge.

Jeongguk hisses at the sensation. He takes Taehyung’s hand and leads him to the bedroom.

They start slow. They take each piece of their clothing off, innocently gazing at each other, marveling at the bodies that they have pined for for years. Jeongguk takes out some lube and a condom from his drawer.

When they reach out for each other, their hands caress skin like they are learning how to touch for the first time, faint and mellow initially before they discover that they are allowed to pursue then clutch then ravage.

Taehyung crawls naked on top of Jeongguk, beholding him, bold, beautiful and his. He uses his mouth delightfully, skillfully, tasting all of Jeongguk’s arms, chest, and legs.

Jeongguk is tired and Taehyung is tired but they become restless together. When their lips collide again, it isn’t as soft anymore, but driven, covetous even.

Taehyung feels sweat steam and collect on his skin. “I feel feverish, doctor,” he says, brushing his own chest against Jeongguk.

Jeongguk feels hot too. His skin prickles everywhere and it drives him crazy.

“That’s just me turning you on, baby,” he says, springing to shift and then flip them over. He hovers over Taehyung and smirks. It’s his turn to savor the writhing beauty under him.

Taehyung, Jeongguk learns, is ticklish everywhere, even more than him. He licks his earlobes, his neck, his collarbones, his nipples, the grooves of his ribs, and the dip in his tummy and every part of him shivers. When Jeongguk’s mouth reaches the inner surface of Taehyung’s thigh, he lets out a delectable whimper, held back and detained under his breath, the most sinful of them all.

Taehyung shuts his eyes as he shudders the most at that sensation.

“Tae,” Jeongguk tests.

Taehyung hums.

“Have you ever—,” Jeongguk pecks close to Taehyung’s ivory knees and it trembles.

“No,” Taehyung cuts him off.

“Never?” Jeongguk spreads Taehyung legs apart, and tentatively circles a finger around Taehyung’s undisturbed hole. He eyes the pleasure on Taehyung’s face and continues to tease at his rim.

“Never down there,” Taehyung croaks.

“Are you sure you want me to—”

“Jeongguk please,” Taehyung says, body slowly rolling against the sheets.

He opens his eyes and meets Jeongguk’s hooded ones. “Please, fuck me. I’ve been wanting you to for so long now.”

What is left of Jeongguk’s self-control, reserve and well manners strip off of him and slide coarsely to the ground. With no more ties to restrict his behavior and with Taehyung’s full permission splayed in front of him, begging, Jeongguk caves.

He presses his hips closer against Taehyung. With a lubed finger, he pushes slightly against Taehyung’s asshole. “How do you want it?” Jeongguk asks.

Taehyung gasps as Jeongguk unhurriedly pokes the tip of his finger inside. “It’s my birthday, surprise me,” Taehyung provokes.

“Tell me if I’m too much,” Jeongguk mutters, as he plunges his finger knuckle-deep inside Taehyung.

“Oh sh—” Taehyung whines. His eyes close, trying to feel every sensation when Jeongguk starts to move his finger in and out of his ass repeatedly.

“You know I have to open you up, right, petal?”

“Yes,” Taehyung breathes out.

Jeongguk experimentally adds a second finger and it surprises him when Taehyung moans a salacious sound, holy but shameless.

“You are so beautiful,” Jeongguk says, not able to count how many times he has dreamt of saying that to Taehyung. “Are you okay?”

Taehyung tries to even out his breathing as Jeongguk pauses to allow him to adjust to the stretch. Jeongguk smirks when Taehyung, himself, starts to raise his hips up and then down again to slide along Jeongguk’s fingers over and over. “So good, my baby,” he says.

Baby does things to Taehyung’s body. He moves more hungrily and boldly. He fucks himself on Jeongguk’s fingers like he is already chasing his high. His cock intensely erects on its base slapping crisply at his abdomen with every movement.

Jeongguk slows down a little, but fingers still sliding in and out heavily. He bends forward, caging Taenyung briefly.

“How does it feel?” Jeongguk asks as he lowers himself over Taehyung, noses almost touching. Taehyung’s eyes open and examines Jeongguk’s devilish ones on him. He feels so right by Jeongguk.

“Good,” Taehyung whimpers.

“Do you want more?” Jeongguk teases, slowly crooking his fingers inside Taehyung’s hole, steadily reaching his prostate.

Taehyung whines at the new sensation. “Jeonggukie, need mor—”

Jeongguk doesn’t let Taehyung finish. He charges his mouth on his, sinking his tongue to ravage Taehyung’s. As Taehyung breathes heavily and moans prettily into their kiss, Jeongguk adds a third finger, thrusting all three in and out repeatedly.

The pressure and the stretch are dizzying, intoxicating. Taehyung feels like he could go crazy like this. Jeongguk’s heavy sweaty scent is keeping him lightheaded but the prodding in his asshole is pulling him back to his consciousness, his mindfulness traveling to all the sensations that he is feeling right now.

When Jeongguk feels Taehyung shoot precum warming their abdomens, he slows his fingers down and pulls out from their kiss.

He leans over to Taehyung’s ear. “Do you want to know what the human body goes through when you have sex?”

“Jeongguk, I don’t have the patience for a lecture,” Taehyung protests.

Taehyung feels a pout on Jeongguk’s lips as it drags down to his earlobes and to his neck. He also hears him whimper.

“Fuck, fine, what?”

He feels Jeongguk’s lips smirk on his collarbone now. “Are you impatient?”

“Only because I’ve been patient for like ten years,” Taehyung puffs.

Jeongguk traces Taehyung’s chest with his mouth. “You and me both,” he responds locking his eyes on Taehyung while he licks a nipple wet.

Taehyung moans flagrantly.

“So, please, tell me what happens to the human body when you have sex, doctor?” Taehyung humors Jeongguk, groaning most of the words.

“So glad you asked,” Jeongguk says, grazing Taehyung’s nipple with his teeth and letting go immediately after. He straightens himself, and pulls out the three fingers that have been playing slow hide and seek inside Taehyung’s asshole.

He places one palm over Taehyung’s chest. “The heart races,” he says, palpating over Taehyung’s pectorals.

He slides his hand down and rests it just above Taehyung’s abdomen. “The core body temperature rises,” he continues.

When he looks up and is sure that Taehyung’s eyes are on him, he grabs his cock and slides his hand down his length. “Arteries adjust to allow blood flow to fill the open spaces, arousing some parts of the body, expanding them, making them erect.”

Taehyung’s face turns red trying to contain a snicker.

“Laugh and this lecture prolongs,” Jeongguk warns.

“I wouldn’t dare, doctor,” Taehyung shakes his head.

“The brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere,” he says, aligning himself to Taehyung’s asshole. He prods in when Taehyung sucks in a breath.

Jeongguk pushes inside slowly, stretching through, inch by inch, the rub on his own cock stimulating and desperate.

“Please go on,” Taehyung utters, equally desperate, feeling tiny shocks all over his body.

Taehyung’s unwound state boils Jeongguk’s insides. He could go crazy fucking him like this.

Jeongguk picks up his pace, feeling every sensation in his cock, the wetness, tightness, the electric thrill that advances his force and lust. He thrusts intensely and passionately.

“Respiration becomes rapid and shallow,” Jeongguk huffs as his own breathing falters and his voice exasperates.

“Blood pressure sky rockets,” he grunts.

Taehyung’s body begins to seize. The sounds that spill from his mouth are breathy and obscene. Indecent words escape in between his wails that chew at Jeongguk’s ears.

“Fuck, Jeongguk. I’m so—ahhh,”

“Muscles tense and spasm like you’re lifting three times your body weight,” Jeongguk continues, ramming tirelessly for a minute more.

Jeongguk rises, puts his weight on his knees, dragging Taehyung’s legs up with him. He bucks his hips crudely and defiles the room with filthy noises as he fucks into Taehyung at an even faster rate. He is so close.

“Are you coming, Tae?” he asks.

“Fuck me a little more, Jeongguk. Hold on a bit longer, shit,” Taehyung rasps, eyes shut tightly, entire body being jarred repeatedly.

Jeongguk’s brain almost malfunctions. It looms momentarily in his head how many times he thought it was inappropriate to think indecently of his best friend this way.

“What else happens, doctor?” Taehyung asks, voice coiling to a higher note every time Jeongguk pushes inside of him.

Jeongguk looks down on Taehyung and touches his cheek with the back of his hand. “Tae,” he says.

Taehyung opens his eyes and moans even louder.

“Pores open and moisture escapes from all parts of the body,” Jeongguk says, swiping hot sweat from Taehyung’s temple.

With dark eyes, he hypnotizes Taehyung with his stare. “Pupils dilate.”

“And?” Taehyung responds, harsh. He is barely in control of anything that happens in his body, and he looks like he is about to burst.

With still a thin thread of friction chafing onto his lust, Jeongguk thrusts his most powerful strikes provoking the most attractive screams he has ever heard Taehyung make. “I’m going to come!”

Jeongguk drags to his last breaths and rubs himself to his sensations as viciously as the deadly words he is reciting.

“Lastly,” he coughs out. “Secretions spit out of every gland and external opening,” Jeongguk groans as he thrusts one last time before exploding sticky secretions that spit out, that are completely a normal thing that the body does.

Lust cradles itself in the loud screams they emancipate from their mouths. The heat the radiates from their bodies rise to a maximum and circulates around the air in a sharp, heady musk that drowns even their thoughts.

Taehyung’s legs quiver wildly too. His body is consumed and he shoots out mesmerizing bands of milky, swirly come all over his abdomen, squirting some on Jeongguk’s abs.

Their bodies are spent and they shudder lesser and lesser as they come down from their inebriated states. As soon as Taehyung opens his eyes, Jeongguk leans in to kiss his mouth, gently and graciously as they even out their breaths.

“That was a great lecture, doc,” Taehyung chuckles.

“That was more than a lecture, Tae. That was a demo,” Jeongguk counters.

“Oh,” Taehyung grins at Jeongguk, “Got any more demos?”

“Tae! I’m still inside you,” Jeongguk cries.

“We have all day,” Taehyung shrugs.

“Oh my God.” Jeongguk never thought he would see the day he did anything else after duty other than sleep.

Unless it is Taehyung.
He would do Taehyung over and over.

Ü

The pastel blonde beams of the early morning sun hunger for any and every surface it reaches. It stumbles from the cracked window and rolls onto the seams of the bed. Taehyung follows the flow with his eyes and he could not have wanted a better view than this.

He smiles at this moment in front of him when he steps out of his bath, tags it in his mind, files it under Open when sad or going crazy.

Jeongguk is sprawled comfortably, tummy down and lightly snoring on the bed. His cute butt cheeks are peeking under the fit, black underwear he is wearing, the only thing he has on. Taehyung jots down a mental note to bite on those later. Both Jeongguk’s arms are flexed up on his elbows, hands buried under the sheets. Another thing he reminds himself to bite soon.

Taehyung moves closer to examine his best friend some more. Years apart and he still holds first place in Taehyung’s thoughts for the day, every day. Obviously.

His hair is messy, a little overgrown but still so damn attractive. The tiny puffs he breathes out through pursed lips make the most adorable sound ever, calm and soft even under all the tired tones. His cheek is puffy, pink and so inviting, squished against his pillow. Taehyung snickers because with the growing list of Jeongguk parts that he wants to bite, those cheeks included, he might as well just eat all of him.

He reminds himself too about telling Jeongguk about his heart condition. The last time he tried to keep a secret from Jeongguk, it went on for years. He realized he got so scared for nothing.

He hopes today is no different.

He skips wearing clothes, safe for his boxers and walks to look out the window. He finds empty streets and feels sharp wind bites. He supposes people relax their ways to the new year to give way to a good start. They stay indoors and cozy up to their beds to prepare for their brand-new lives.

He looks back at Jeongguk and he looks so snug himself. Suddenly, the exhaustion and lack of sleep creep up to Taehyung’s shoulders too, one on each side. He slumps silently on one tiny side of the bed near Jeongguk and beholds the titan of a dream by his side, his dream. Soon his eyes give in and he drifts to a slumber too.

After a few hours, Taehyung finds Jeongguk, rolls over to him, rather. They now face each other on the bed, Jeongguk wrapped around Taehyung's arms and legs, just like how he likes it.

"Hi," Taehyung hears Jeongguk's raspy bed voice. It sends shivers down his spine.

He curls his lips to a smile before he opens his eyes. As soon as he does, his risen cheeks roast ruby red and he suddenly feels embarrassed.

"Hi," Taehyung greets awkwardly.

"Can I try something?" Jeongguk croaks, pressing himself even closer to Taehyung.

"What?"

Jeongguk's eyes study Taehyung's face. He holds onto his gaze for a while and drops his stare to his nose. He inches even closer touching his nose on Taehyung's making him giggle shyly. When it goes silent again, Jeongguk's eyes travel to Taehyung’s lips.

"Stay still," he says before moving in for a kiss.

Taehyung moans lightly, tasting Jeongguk in his mouth. Smiles mold their lips and they both chase after the gentle movements for a few minutes.

"How was it?" Taehyung asks when they part, forehead still stuck to Jeongguk's.

"I think I can live with it," Jeongguk says.

"With what?" Taehyung inquires, his eyebrows starting to meet.

"Your stale drool in the morning," Jeongguk answers blankly.

Taehyung’s eyes widen. "Excu–what did you–you have stale drool in your m–"

Jeongguk snickers at Taehyung, amused and too in love with his prickly temper, too in love with him.

"I love you," he blurts out and it stuns Taehyung for a second.

The irritation on his face fades and his pout automatically replaces it.

“You love me?” he asks and veers off course the next second. “No, I’m still upset!” he scowls, loosening his embrace and pushing Jeongguk away.

Jeongguk chuckles but pulls Taehyung back by his waist. “Tae, come back. I didn’t mean—”

“No, you can’t have my drool anymore!” Taehyung squirms insistently.

Jeongguk laughs even more hysterically. When Taehyung almost gets away, he perks up on his knees and wrestles with him, managing to cage his lithe body underneath him.

“You are so perfect, even your drool is perfect,” Jeongguk reckons he will never get tired of saying this.

Taehyung scoffs. “Okay, firstly, ew. Secondly, I’m not perfect. You know I have too many scars.”

Jeongguk strokes the little grove on Taehyung’s abdomen, the one that healed from his appendectomy. “I love them all.”

Taehyung pacifies after Jeongguk straddles him and pins his hands above his head. Jeongguk trapped him in this position at least a hundred times and though he can’t identify which one, he just knows one of those stares he locked him with swept him off his feet too.

He is sure of one thing, though. The one he is under right now might not stay the same in the coming minutes.

“How many injuries can a person have?” Taehyung asks.

The mulled look on Jeongguk’s face is subtle but it shows. “Why do you ask?”

“How many?” Taehyung insists.

“As many as their body can handle. As long as they can heal,” Jeongguk answers. He drags his hands over the skin on Taehyung’s arm where his bones broke from falling off the stairs. Taehyung feels the soothing warmth in the circles that Jeongguk rubs on his arm.

“Does the body fully heal from every injury?”

“Tae,” Jeongguk protests weakly. He doesn’t ask why Taehyung is asking all these questions but he doesn’t hide his slight discomfort in answering them.

“Does it?”

“Not always,” Jeongguk slowly leans his body forward. “Some of them are permanent wounds, and some of them,” Jeongguk presses himself against Taehyung’s chest, “fade away completely.”

As Jeongguk plants his lips on Taehyung’s jaw, he swallows easily. Taehyung barely even remembers how it is to have tonsils, if one can remember how that even feels at all.

He swallows again, a heavier sensation lodges on his throat in the shape of a truth that he has to reveal to Jeongguk.

“And where would the scar be if you were to repair someone’s heart?”

Jeongguk tenses above Taehyung, his abdomen turns rigid and the sensation of his lips on Taehyung’s neck disappear.

Taehyung catches Jeongguk’s gaze when he lifts himself off from him. The expression on his face is tolerant, patient but Taehyung already knows that Jeongguk just got on the same plane as him.

“How long have you known?” Taehyung asks.

“Not long,” Jeongguk answers.

“How?” Taehyung asks, his eyes starting to water.

“I heard pills rattle in your jeans last night,” Jeongguk says.

He gets off of Taehyung and lies down on his side to face him. “I had to know.”

When Taehyung doesn’t even look at Jeongguk, he pulls him to his side so they lie face to face again. He wipes Taehyung’s tears when they start to fall.

“Don’t cry,” Jeongguk shushes.

“I—I didn’t tell you,”

“It’s okay,” Jeongguk reassures him.

“I was afraid to tell you so I didn't. I didn’t tell you and you still find out on your own,” Taehyung pouts when he cries some more. “Why are you so smart, Jeonggukie?”

Jeongguk huffs, endeared eyes fixed on Taehyung only. “Tae,” he says, cupping his face between his hands. “I will always take care of you, you know that right?”

Taehyung tries to ease his sobs but he nods.

Jeongguk beams at Taehyung and pulls him into his arms. “I’ll fix it.”

Taehyung tries to break away but Jeongguk only hugs him tighter. “Wait for me. I’ll fix it. I’ll always be here to mend you.”

“Jeonggukie,”

“Shh.” Jeongguk holds Taehyung for a long time. He holds him like he is the only thing that makes his world go round, like he is the only sensible thing in it.

It takes their entire friendship for Jeongguk to realize that he had fallen for Taehyung. He ran to his side every time he needed him and sometimes he swears his true purpose in this universe is to do that exactly—to make sure Taehyung is well and loved.

And he vows to live by that purpose every day.

On the other hand, it takes every scar in Taehyung’s body for him to realize that the only love he wants is right in front of him, dressing his every wound. He witnessed every success and waited patiently for Jeongguk to come back to him, even if it took another lifetime.

And he vows to wait for that to happen every day, too.

Ü
Mini Epilogue

“You’re late,” Taehyung says when he answers the front door.

“Sorry, baby,” Jeongguk says.

“Everyone’s out back, come on.”

Mrs. Kim is celebrating her sixtieth birthday and she wanted it to be at the Kim family’s backyard.

“Tae,” Jeongguk steps into Taehyung’s space and whispers.

“What?”

“Hi,” Dr. Min Yoongi tails Jeongguk to the front porch.

“Oh my God, you made it, Dr. Min! My mom will be so happy,” Taehyung shrieks.

Dr. Min smiles modestly. “You met Tanyia, my fiancé.”

“Yes. Great to see you again, Miss Tanyia,” Taehyung shakes her hand.

“Hi again. I hope it’s okay that I tagged along,” the woman with a vibrant smile says.

“Are you kidding me? If it weren’t for your awesome tandem, my surgery would not have been a success. Thank you for coming,” Taeyung chirps.

It is almost a year since Taehyung’s heart repair surgery. Dr. Min was the main cardiothoracic surgeon and Jeongguk was his first assist of course. One day before the surgery, the scrub nurse in Taehyung’s surgery got sick and couldn’t make it.

It was Miss Tanyia that they woke up from her after duty status to run back to the hospital and join the procedure. Dr. Min’s movement synced so well with her in the operating room that the procedure went on exactly as planned as if no major changes happened.

“Please, it’s this way,” Taehyung leads the way, moving past the living area and through the glass door to the backyard.

As a tradition in all family gatherings (and naturally, their event bookings), Seokjin takes care of the food, Hoseok entertains the crowd, Taehyung is in charge of the flowers and decorations and Namjoon oversees execution and finances. Today is no different. The whole afternoon is filled with food, dancing and well wishes.

Mrs. Kim’s workmates leave shortly after dinner. Seokjin and his team start putting away the catering left overs and foldable tables. Jeongguk’s dad drives back to the hospital for a meeting even before dinner is ready.

Dr. Min and Tanyia excuse themselves a bit later and Jeongguk walks them to their car.

When Jeongguk gets back, only Taehyung is left putting away what’s left of the cake. He approaches him as soon as he closes the cake box.

“Hi,” Jeongguk says, “still grumpy?”

“Don’t be silly, I wasn’t,” Taehyung says lifelessly.

Jeongguk knows every single one of Taehyung’s tones. He knows Taehyung is upset because Jeongguk promised to come early. He thought forcing Dr. Min to come would do the trick but he realizes later that he is going to need more pursuing than that.

He takes Taehyung’s hand. “Sit with me over there, please?”

Taehyung lets himself be led to rest on the grass.

“Wait there,” Jeongguk says.

He walks through the glass door into the house and returns at once. When he comes back, Taehyung spots a bunch of flowers on his hand.

He grunts as he sits down beside Taehyung. “For you,” he says handing out the flowers.

“Oh my, are these… sansuyu?” Taehyung asks, examining the petals.

“Yes,” Jeongguk says, watching Taehyung twirl the stems.

“Where did you even get these this time? You’d have to grow your own to have some. The market is not very good for them.”

Taehyung lifts his head when he doesn’t get a response.

“Remember when I got those for you when we were kids?” Jeongguk asks, looking straight at a distance.

“Yes.”

“Do you remember where I told you I got them from?”

“You said the trees at the hospital sprouted blossoms of them,” Taehyung answers.

Jeongguk turns his head to meet Taehyung’s gaze. “I was there today. That’s why I was late.”

Taehyung tilts his head in to probe Jeongguk.

Jeongguk takes Taehyung’s hand. “I was there today to accept a transfer.”

Taehyung’s face lights up.

“After I graduate, I will start working ther—”

“Oh my God!” Taehyung cuts Jeongguk off, throwing himself over him, wrapping him in an embrace.

They both stay silent and hug for what felt like hours.

“Are you happy? Jeongguk whispers into Taehyung’s ear.

All Taehyung ever wanted since they were kids was to be with Jeongguk, go the same schools, eat at the same table, hang out some more over the weekends. Now that they have reached their dreams, they can now make time to live with each other more.

“I’m very happy.” Taehyung says.

Taehyung pulls away and pecks Jeongguk on the cheek.

“A year ago, you repaired that hole in my heart. Now, you just fixed the other hole inside it, the one that was kept open for a while, longing for you. Thank you for coming back to me.” Taehyung says.

“I love you, Taehyungie. I said that I’d fix everything and that I will take care of you always,” Jeongguk says, placing a hand over Taehyung's chest, brushing over his little scar, offering to him the promise of his entire lifetime. 

They put the remaining cake in the fridge.

They place the sansuyu flowers in a vase, a blooming truth that their love really was unchanged and would remain so forever.