Work Text:
What did you do with all that love you couldn't give
And do you need someone to help you tell you what to do with it
“Phi.”
You smiled at me, as usual, as beautiful as usual. Never fails to make me feel bright and warm.
But then your words got me trapped in heavy rain, feeling cold and alone, with nowhere to hide.
“I am getting married.”
You always managed to catch me off guard.
It must be nice to love someone who puts you first
Then walk away when they expect it in return
“…why?”
I guessed I must have looked…pathetic, ‘cause you looked at me worriedly.
But you still kept your distance carefully – safely.
I guessed I also know why too.
You smiled again, however in a sorrow way this time. You shook your head, looked away from me.
“Does it finally matter to you now?”
I could hear your mocking underneath. I deserve it.
Because deep in my heart, I was laughing at myself too.
When realization comes too late, and love becomes anything but dead.
When all’s left are nothing but guilt and remorse.
You don't want me
Nothing I can do
'Cause you don't wanna try
“P’Bai.. can we talk about it? Please?”
“… I don’t see anything we need to specifically talk about.”
“Then why aren’t you looking at me?”
‘cause by meeting your eyes, my walls would be torn down. I could no longer suppress my lust for you.
- which is undoubtedly wrong. Totally wrong. Dangerously wrong.
I – we – couldn’t t risk our careers. Not now. Not … at any time.
You stood behind me, “I thought it meant something … we have something.”
- It meant more than something. It meant everything to me. But I could not bring myself to admit it.
So I just stood still and avoided your begging stare. Awkward silence filled the room, almost suffocating.
I could hear you hiding the sobbing, but in vain.
If I have turned around at that moment, I would see your tears falling down your cheeks. And I would not be able to walk away from that. And I would –
And I would -
I would've walked through hell
To find another way
All those glances and smiles you have shot me, hoping I would owe up to it;
All those disappointment in your eyes I have knowingly or unintentionally neglected;
All the stupid pride and unnecessary concerns got in the way;
All other voices except yours I was listening to;
All of these, should have never ever been more important than you.
I would've laid me down
If I knew that you would stay
You grow distant. You grow silent.
You posed beside me as the best on-screen brothers (couple). It was getting more difficult to focus on the shoots when I was stunned by your captivating beauty.
But once the camera is off, you slipped away.
Away from me.
Yet my eyes still lingered on you. Your kissable lips parted, but no more calling my name.
I would've crossed the stars
To keep you in my life
“Can we go back.. can I change that please?”
Hear, hear! The arrogant, self-centred, ruthless big star Bright was begging you.
“I am sorry I ignored all that. We had – have a thing right Win? I.. I couldn’t lose you. I never wanted to..”
You were finally leaving and ironically that was the moment I stopped being the coward.
Look at him – the most selfish ignorant brat in the world - he was on his knees! Begging for a second – third – countless chances.
Look at the tears he shed – they were not pretty, they were not precious – but they were for you, and only for you.
You smiled, briskly and bitterly, “You have no idea how much I wanted to hear that from you.”
You turned away.
And I couldn’t feel anything but numb.
But now I'm falling hard
Without you here tonight
“I wish you nothing but a lifetime of happiness and love.”
Which I did not give you in the past. And now I lose the chance forever to do so.
Your smile outshined everyone in the room. I couldn’t spare even a tiny bit attention to the person holding your arms.
“… and I will always love you dearly.”
Without you here tonight