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The prison was never normally this cold, though it was hard to compare it to the blistering heat that permeated it in the summer. Now, it was like a freezer, the thin blankets and sheets were like paper against the storm of the cold that beat at me and Honey. I was mentally flipping between going and asking Daryl if he needed two living hot water bottles, simply so that we could share some of the heat.
Daryl wasn't likely to agree to something like that. Not with someone like me- big and manly as I was. Half of me was hoping he'd make an excuse for Honey, seeing as she was still young.
I was on the cusp of just getting up and finding some more blankets when a shadow darkened the door of my cell, a bundle cradled in their arms.
My fumbling hands made slow work of turning on my lantern and when I looked over again, I saw Rick. He looked tired and worn out and in his arms was a bundle of blankets around a familiar, small, face. Judith.
Just behind him over his shoulder, I could see the silhouette of Carl, hat and all, and I realised what was happening. Bundle together for warmth.
"Come on in." I breathed out and ran a hand through Honey's hair to wake her up. She was never a light sleeper but it didn't take long for her to wake up and I could get to work. Moving to pull the mattress from the bunk above mine for the floor for whoever wanted it. I was halfway out the door to go and get the mattresses from Rick's cell when he caught my arm and handed me the fragile parcel that was Judith.
"I got it." He whispered and pat my shoulder before leaving me with his kids and mine. Carl didn't hesitate to start his nesting on the floor, pulling Honey to help, and I moved my mattress down next to it with all my blankets and pillows as well, Jude nestled into the crook of my left arm.
"How are you doing with the cold, Carl?" I asked gently and knelt down to start arranging my blankets so some of them were overlapping with Carl's and so some of them were tucked into a bassinet shape for Judith, between Carl and Rick's side and mine so she'd be surrounded by warmth.
"Worried about Judith." He admitted and looked over at me as I tucked her into the space, "And Dad, he keeps saying there'll be snow soon." He breathed out, "I don't know if everyone'll be alright if there's snow…"
"Don't think like that, snow's actually a good thing." Honey hummed through purple lips and smiled at him, "It's thick, keeps away the wind and the cold air- Why do you think Inuits live in Igloos?" She teased and bumped his shoulder with hers as I knelt down to tuck them into their nest.
"Get some sleep, you two." Rick's voice was low in the quiet and I found myself glancing towards him as I finished up making sure our kids were warm.
"You bring any more blankets?"
"A few." He breathed out, "Glen and Maggie lent us a couple." He admitted and handed over the bundle, and I was quick to make sure they were spread out evenly for everyone to use before I pulled on a couple more layers of my clothes and curled up into my side of our little nest.
"Remind me to thank them in the morning." I chuckled as I curled up a little more, watching as he moved to lay on the other side of all the kids, tucking himself against Carl's back, much to the boy's grumbling and Honey only laughed as I pulled her closer to my chest, as we'd been laid before.
Honey and I had always been close, ever since her mom left us to make her living buying booze and losing blackjack, long before the end of the world. I was the one she'd crawl into bed next to when she had nightmares and she was the one that made me laugh when things got too rough.
She grew up too quick, both for me and so we could survive and I hated that I had to do that to her. There was no other choice, not really.
When we joined up with Shane, Lori and Carol in Atlanta I was thrilled that there were kids her age that she could be friends with and it was clear to me, that after the first week, those kids were inseparable. Sophia, Carl and Honey were joined at the hip.
Then We'd lost Sophia.
And Shane.
And then Lori as well.
"What are you thinking about?" Carl's voice was soft, trying not to wake the kids, Carl and Honey squeezed up tight around Judith, between me and Rick.
"Reminiscing." I admitted and offered him a smile in the low light, "Thinking about how Honey was when she was littler."
"You should try and sleep. It's cold, might be better in the morning." He offered and nodded to me for a moment. He was right, of course. Sleep wouldn't hurt.
That was how the nights went for days. He, Carl and Judith had just moved into our cell from sundown to sunrise, cuddling together for warmth. And then days turned into weeks. And weeks turned into the rest of winter.
The first grass and flowers of spring were the biggest wake-up call for me, that my little family was about to go back to being barely friends. Rick and I hadn't been close when the winter got bad and yet now, we were inseparable as Carl and Honey.
We talked in the day when there was time, though time was rare as sugar, and when the sun went down and the kids fell asleep, we would talk about whatever came to mind.
From whatever was ailing us, to the past. He'd talk about Carl growing up and working as a cop and I'd talk about Honey growing up and working contracting. He'd talk about college and I'd talk about scraping by until work came to me.
I tried to think about how to talk to Rick about when he was going to move back into his own cell but every time I thought about it, my chest hurt and I found every option too harsh. Too abrupt.
Then I saw them.
Yellow as the eggs in the morning and beautiful as barista coffee. They were fresh and stunning and yet there were holes in their leaves and their stems were crooked.
I looked at them, and the white stems that grew between their petals, and all I could think of was him.
His hair, greying and as long as it had gotten with curls that twisted away from his face and his face, lined by time and crooked from fights to keep us safe.
I must have looked a fool as I walked from the field and back into the prison, holding them in my hand, cut at the stems with my knife and tied them together in homemade yucca cord.
Rick was with Judith, taking time for himself, for once, as he sat in our cell, blankets tucked over his legs and up around her in his arms. He looked at home and I hated that I was about to bring this up now, but it seemed like the best time.
"I brought you something." I started and knelt down into the nest beside him, pulling the flowering dandelions from behind my back like the prize they were and he chuckled a little, smiling at them.
"Flowers?"
"I saw them and thought of you." I kept my tone playful and joking, "And I thought about how it means it's the end of winter. Dandelions flower in the spring."
"You wanna talk about us moving back into our cell?"
"I wanna talk about you staying." My words moved faster than I could get them to stop and they came out shaky as I now felt, like falling down to sit in the bed beside him, looking between the flowers in my hand and his face where it contorted in confusion.
"Look- Honey and Carl are young enough to be in a cell of their own together without any problems and I like being around you. Like helping with Judith, like listening to the stories you tell." My hands moved to rub at my face. I didn't know how to tell him what I wanted to but with his daughter in his hands at least I knew he wouldn't hit me.
"I was in the field and I saw the dandelions and I found myself wishing on them that you were mine." Rushed words and frantic hands only made my rambling more obvious as I went on, "And- and I know we're in the end of the world but trust me when I say, I see forever in your eyes, and I actually feel okay whenever I can make you smile."
"Stop." He breathed out and shook his head and my heart cracked and my breathing stopped as he set Judith down. He was gonna hit me. He was gonna throw me and Honey out into the world for this.
I even flinched when his hand moved. My eyes slammed closed as I braced myself for the hit and then his hand was cupping my jaw through my beard and his thumb was running over my cheekbone.
"I think you're the one for me." He whispered then and moved a little closer, pressing his forehead against my own, "It gets so damn hard to breath when you're looking at me. I've never felt so alive and free as I did, half dead in this prison with you." He admitted and I couldn't help but choke out a laugh as he pulled away and picked them up.
"Ya know… I heard all about that love, that comes once in a lifetime. I thought. I thought Lori was mine, ya know. Thought she was my forever, but now I'm.,. I'm pretty sure you are that love of mine."
"I guess I should start wishing on dandelions more often." I breathed out and he ran his thumb over the thousand petals of the flower before he nodded and set them down.
"Guess we both should." He breathed out and I didn't hesitate to lean over and leave a kiss on the edge of his lips, too uncertain to try for anything more. Though, as I pulled away, he brought me back and pushed his lips against my own.
Dark pink lips were chapped and he tasted of stale coffee but it was everything that I could have asked for. His warmth mixed with my own and my eyes fluttered shut as I pushed closer, hands buried in his hair.
"Oh, Ew!" Carl's voice was enough for us both to leap backwards, Rick moving to check on Judith and I was on my feet in a second, moving over to him with a raised eyebrow.
"Ew, huh?" I teased and shook my head, "Aren't you and Honey supposed to be helping Maggie and Glen at the fence? Or did you just decide to leave her out there on her own?"
"I'm going, I'm going!" Carl exclaimed as he started back down the Cellblock towards the exit.
"Hey uh…" Rick's voice had me turning back around and I raised an eyebrow over at him with a smile, "What do you do with flowers at the End of the world?"
"Pretty sure dandelions have some kind of medicinal value."
"Well, it seems like they end heartache."
"Cheeseball."