Archive of Our Own

You never knew how special Sae and Rin were when you first met them.

They were simply the Itoshi brothers, Sae the older, the one who was the same age as you, and Rin the younger. They were the sons whose parents got along with your own. And as their new neighbors, introductions were inevitable.

“H-hi, I’m (Name),” you said nervously, wishing you didn’t have to talk to them, but your parents made you.

“Hi (Name), I’m Itoshi Sae.” When his younger brother didn’t speak, just glared at you, Sae nudged him.

“Itoshi Rin,” he said gruffly.

Sae frowned. “Rin, that’s not very nice. Can you try again?”

“Fine,” he grumbled. “I’m Itoshi Rin.”

It was little improvement over his initial introduction. You didn’t even want any introductions in the first place, and your instinct to flee was almost overwhelming. Trying to ignore it, you focused on the football Sae was holding casually under his arm.

“You play football?”

“Big bro’s the best!” Rin boasted, putting his hands on his hips, suddenly willing to talk to you if it was about Sae and football.

“I’m not.” Sae looked a little embarrassed by Rin’s praise. “But I wanna be. Do you play any sports, (Name)?”

“N—”

“No way!” interrupted Rin, pointing at you. “She’s a girl!”

“Girls can play football, Rin.” While reminding him that, Sae put Rin’s hand down to stop him from pointing at you any longer.

“Um, no… I don’t play anything.”

Rin huffed and crossed his arms as though to say, See, big bro? I told you so! All of a sudden, you wished you did, in fact, play a sport so you could tell him he was wrong. Playing nothing felt so uncool.

Sae’s second question was even worse.

“Have you ever watched a game?”

“Only on TV.”

Sae laughed. “Well, that’s no good! You gotta come to one of our games, then!”

“Big bro!” Rin protested, but Sae wouldn’t budge on his invitation.

He told you when their next game would be.

You almost didn’t come, barely able to stomach the thought of Sae and Rin seeing you, or even just telling your parents about their game. But it wasn’t so bad when you finally mustered up the courage to ask if you could go.

Of course they said yes. Your parents were thrilled that you and the Itoshi brothers next door were, according to them, “friends.”

You didn’t agree. How could you already be friends when it’s been only a week since you moved here? You barely knew Sae and Rin!

It wasn’t difficult to find the fenced field where the game was going to be played at. You and your parents left home early, parking in a spot on the side of the street, and walking right on over. Some families had arrived even earlier and were standing behind the fence.

“There they are!” your dad said, pointing to a familiar pair standing together on the field.

To your horror, he actually called out their names. “Sae, Rin! Good luck on your game!”

With how loud he was, it was impossible for the brothers not to hear him, and they picked him (and therefore you and your mom) out of the crowd without any trouble. Sae and Rin, thankfully, didn’t come over, but Sae gave you a wave, and you returned it uncertainly. The only one who didn’t wave was Rin, eyeing you like you were a monster here to take his older brother away from him.

You decided then and there that you officially didn’t like Itoshi Rin.

That one game you watched Sae and Rin play in swung a door wide open for you, dumping you headfirst into the world of football. Which, you discovered, had amazing players like the two of them, and you quickly learned that they were not only obsessed with football but also unafraid to tell anyone about it.

Most of the time, anyone was you.

“And big bro— he kicked the ball so high, and the other boys were so stupid! They just stared at it until it fell!” Rin said, raving not for the first time (felt more like the millionth) about Sae.

You, Sae, and Rin were sitting together after a game. Rin was in the middle, with you on his left and Sae on his right. Despite the three of you knowing each other for a while now, you, apparently, still weren’t friends long enough yet to be able to sit next to Sae.

And when it came to Rin, you learned another thing: If his first obsession was football, then his second was Sae. He could talk so much about his brother that it felt like the other way around, and maybe it was. His love of football was surpassed only by his love for Sae, the very one who’d introduced him to the sport.

“Rin, don’t call them stupid,” Sae rebuked lightly.

“But they were stupid!” Rin looked at you as he continued swinging his legs back and forth while sitting. “Don’t you think so, (Name)?”

“Um, not really. They just—”

“Ugh, you’re stupid too!”

“Rin,” Sae said, his voice sharp. “Don’t call (Name) stupid.”

“So who can I call stupid?”

Sae only stared at his younger brother, who eventually turned back to you but was unable to hold eye contact for long, putting his head down.

“Sorry,” Rin mumbled.

You didn’t think he meant it, but you knew it was the only apology you’d get out of him. You wouldn’t have gotten one at all without Sae.

“It’s okay,” you said, meeting Sae’s eyes over Rin’s head.

You doubted you could, but if you and Sae got even a little time alone, then he’d apologize for Rin’s behavior. But Rin wouldn’t allow that. He was like glue, sticking to Sae’s side whenever possible.

So instead, Sae mouthed the word sorry.

You smiled at him, just a second before Rin started raving about Sae all over again.

“Hey, (Name)!” Sae said, immediately finding your face among the others gathered behind the fence for today’s game. “Glad you came!”

“Hey, Sae! Where’s Rin?” you asked, still searching for him on the field, as if he’d suddenly pop up out of nowhere like a ghost from one of the horror movies he loved so much.

Part of you actually expected that. Game day was, after all, his favorite day of the week, and his favorite person in the world was Sae.

“He’s sick today, so he’s staying home with Mom.” Sae chuckled nervously. “I really hope he’s not being mean to her just because he can’t play today.”

You hoped so too. Leave it to Rin, and nothing, not even his own mom, could stop him from playing with Sae. But it wasn’t up to him, and honestly… it was nice, for the first time in months, not having Rin around.

“Sorry about Rin.” You didn’t know why you were saying that when nothing was even your fault.

“Why? You didn’t get him sick!” Sae laughed.

Sure, but Rin disliked you enough that he would blame you for his illness.

“Do you wish he was here?” you asked.

“Yeah, but I want him to get better.” Sae grinned. “Besides, you’re here, right? So I’ve got someone watching!”

“Yeah,” you said with a small nod, gazing at him.

You found that you liked Sae’s smile.

“You two sit here. I’ll go get the popsicles.”

You and Rin stared at Sae like he’d gone crazy. The prospect of being alone together wasn’t one either of you liked.

“Big bro, you can’t! Let me go with you!” Rin demanded, already on his feet, which you were sure he hoped would carry him far away from you soon.

“The popsicle shop’s not that close to the beach. We should all just go together,” you suggested, hoping yourself that Sae would agree.

He didn’t, however. “That’s nothing. I’m a fast runner, remember?” He flashed you one of his bright smiles, and you crumbled under it.

“You sure?” you asked, relenting.

But Rin, firmly not (and probably never will be) on your side, said, “I’m a fast runner too, you know!”

“But I’m faster!” Sae patted Rin on the head, and Rin didn’t bat him away.

Despite his pouting, you knew he secretly enjoyed it.

“Fine, but you better come back soon!” Rin warned.

Sae left with a wave friendlier than the subdued ones you and Rin gave him. The silence afterward that descended on both of you felt like a thick blanket, but Rin broke it with a single question.

“You think he’s cooler than me, don’t you?”

You turned and found yourself being pierced by Rin’s hard stare.

“Um, I—”

“Don’t lie! I know you do!”

You didn’t flinch at his raised voice.

You’d think Rin would agree that Sae was cooler, he being Rin’s idol and all. More than once, he claimed to be Sae’s biggest fan, a title he wouldn’t relinquish to anyone. Especially you.

Being interrupted before you could finish speaking was annoying, but Rin himself was the most annoying person you knew. You were sick and tired of him treating you as an obstacle in his and Sae’s way.

“Yeah,” you said angrily. “He’s cooler than you. All older brothers are. And you know what, Rin? You’ll never be as cool as Sae is.”

Rin’s face reddened, but that was all that happened when, in the nick of time, you heard Sae’s voice.

“I got the popsicles!”

Sae stopped in his tracks, seeing the tense look on your face and the furious one on Rin’s. “What happened?”

“Ask your girlfriend!”

Girlfriend?! Where did he get that idea?

Rin stormed off, and in his wake, you and Sae were left with an extra popsicle. It didn’t look like Rin would return for it anytime soon.

“He’ll be fine,” Sae assured you. “He just needs to cool off. Here.”

He offered you a popsicle still in its wrapper, but you hesitated to take it. “I can’t. I have to go apologize to Rin.”

“Why?” Sae unwrapped his popsicle, the plastic crinkling in his hands.

“I said something I shouldn’t have.”

“What was it?” he asked, not yet sticking the popsicle in his mouth.

“Um… that you were cooler than him because all older brothers are, and that he’ll never be as cool as you.”

“You really think that?”

“Maybe.” You averted your eyes, and once again, the sea became your whole view—until a popsicle suddenly came into it.

“Take it,” Sae said encouragingly, waving the popsicle around in what he certainly thought was an enticing way.

You didn’t hear any more crinkling, so this must be the popsicle Sae unwrapped earlier. You looked from it to him. “Isn’t this yours?”

“It’s yours now.”

You finally took the popsicle from him, but you didn’t immediately take a bite of it. “Thanks, Sae.”

“Don’t mention it! Now let’s go find Rin!” Taking your free hand, Sae led you away to wherever his younger brother was.

It took a while, but you and Sae eventually found Rin by himself. He’d slowed from a run to a walk, hands in his pockets, head down.

“Rin!” you called.

He whirled around with a scowl. “Go aw—”

“I’m sorry.”

You didn’t like interrupting anyone, was taught as a kid not to by your parents, but to be fair, Rin interrupted you earlier. And you had to speak first to get out what you needed to say.

You looked into Rin’s eyes. “What I said before… I shouldn’t have, and I shouldn’t have compared you to Sae.” You managed a slight smile. “You’re both equally cool.”

Rin scrutinized you, debating whether or not to believe you. Then: “Whatever.” He kicked a small rock away with his shoe.

“Rin, I think you’re forgetting something,” Sae said impishly, “and it’s not this popsicle.”

Rin refused to look at him or you. “Sorry for getting mad.”

The apology was, as ever, mumbled but was an apology nonetheless.

“Can I have my popsicle now?” Rin asked, impatient eyes darting to one of the two still in Sae’s hand: one for him and one for Rin.

“Yeah, you can. Here you go.” Sae gladly held out a wrapped popsicle to him, and Rin’s eyes lit up.

Looking at the two brothers, you felt out of place, and in some ways, football one of the most obvious, you were, but when Sae looked at you, you forgot about all that.

“Wanna eat as we walk back home?”

Even Rin spared you a glance, and you didn’t see any hate in his gaze.

You nodded and went to join them, feeling like things would be okay.

Over the years, sometimes you and Rin walked alone together home if, for whatever reason (usually football), Sae couldn’t come. Nowadays, Spain was his reason, and he seemed to be getting busier by the day with preparations.

Walking with Rin was more for convenience than anything else. Living in the same neighborhood, in houses right next to one another, it wouldn’t make sense to walk separately. You didn’t hate Rin that much that you couldn’t tolerate this. In fact, you didn’t hate him at all. But the years hadn’t made your relationship significantly better or worse. He was still Rin, your neighbor, not necessarily your friend, Sae’s younger brother, and half of the striker duo everyone, including you, thought was special. Meant for more than a normal life here.

And you… you were still, quite literally, the girl next door.

You and Rin crossed a street in silence, not unusual for you two. Silences were comfortable if not companionable because Rin, though he didn’t much care for small talk, didn’t seem to mind a little of it from you. Just not an excessive amount.

During your walk with him today, you never expected him to say what he did.

“You like Sae.”

Your head whipped to Rin beside you.

“That’s not…” You faltered at Rin’s disbelieving expression. After a moment, you said, “It doesn’t matter. He’s going to Spain, and I’ll be… here.”

“With me,” Rin said plainly, almost tauntingly. Like it was a bad thing, but it really wasn’t.

You and Rin might not consider yourselves friends, but everyone else did. You, Sae, and Rin were the “famous” trio of childhood friends in class.

Soon you’d be a duo, Rin’s second and definitely the unimportant one, unlike him and Sae. But why should Sae’s absence stop you from being around Rin? Maybe he was always radiant with Sae while always reticent with you, and maybe you weren’t each other’s first choice for company. But you liked your walks together, liked the regular family dinners and school events and, of course, the football games. Your feelings for Sae had nothing to do with any of that. He didn’t even know how you felt, not, apparently, like Rin did.

“Like it or not, we’re gonna be stuck together for the next four years,” you told him playfully. “You don’t hate me so much that you wanna avoid me, do you?”

Rin stopped, and you were forced to do the same, wondering why he wasn’t moving anymore. He turned, steady eyes boring into you.

“I don’t hate you.”

You couldn’t respond as he left without waiting for you to follow.

“How’s Rin?”

Lying in bed, Sae’s voice in your ear sounded soothing. Maybe it was old school to talk like this, opting for a phone call over a video call, but it worked for you and him. And honestly, you didn’t really want to see how fancy his life was now.

“Wishing he was with you but doing his best without you.”

Sae laughed. “Good! Yell at him for me if he slacks off!”

“Uh, I don’t think yelling, especially if it’s me, will work on him.”

“You’d be surprised.”

“What do you mean?” you asked, confused about his cryptic reply.

“Let’s just say he cares more about what you think than it looks.”

“Wow, okay. That’s news to me,” you said with a chuckle. “Anyway, how’s Spain?”

“Completely different from Japan,” Sae said, and though he tried to hide it, you could hear the tiredness in his voice. “I’m still getting used to everything.”

“Give yourself time,” you said gently. “It’s only been a few weeks, right?”

“Yeah, almost a month. Not nearly enough time to learn Spanish.”

“How’s yours, anyway? Become an expert yet?” you joked.

But the joke was on you, as Sae’s answer was completely in Spanish. Your translation app couldn’t save you from this.

“Okay, not gonna lie. I have no clue what you just said.”

“I said, I miss the girl I grew up with back home.”

Your heart lurched, and you wondered if you misheard or were dreaming. But no, you didn’t and weren’t, and Sae wouldn’t joke, let alone lie, about something like this. And despite how you felt after hearing his words… it didn’t change the fact that he was thousands of kilometers away in a country you’d never been.

“Sae…” You couldn’t do it, couldn’t confess. So you changed course and said, “I’ve been wanting to tell you something for a long time, and I wish I told you before you left.”

You almost did, but you didn’t want your feelings, your selfishness to take away from the joy of Sae leaving home for Spain and his new team, Royale Youth.

You started to panic from the silence on the other end, but then Sae said, “I do too, but I… I didn’t want it to go like that. To tell you and then leave.”

Pulse quickening, you ventured, “Tell me what?”

“That I like you.”

There was a but there left unsaid. You knew it as well as he did, but you did him the favor of saying it first, in a soft voice.

“I like you too, but… you’re in Spain.” As if either of you needed the reminder.

“I know,” he said ruefully, “and I don’t know when I’m coming back to Japan.”

“What about holidays?”

You could imagine him shaking his head when he said, “I have to use every day I can get here.”

“What do we do?” you whispered, your heart sinking the more you realized how hard this was.

“I know it’s selfish to ask, but will you wait for me?” And then when I come back, we can… figure all this out.”

You could hardly process everything Sae said, and you didn’t think to ask things like how long did he want you to wait and what should you tell Rin, if anything. You could only think of the answer your heart most wanted.

“Yeah, Sae. I’ll wait.”

So come home soon, you thought.

In the month after Sae’s departure, you watched him and Rin, more so Rin than Sae because he was so much closer to home. Though they were playing in different countries on different teams, you vowed to support the both of them.

For Sae, from afar. For Rin, in person whenever you could.

“Yeah, go Rin!” you cheered from the stands, but your voice caught in your throat when he shot you an irritated look from the field.

You continued to cheer for him after that, but with less enthusiasm than before. After the game, a resounding victory for Rin’s team, you attempted a quick escape, but Rin was adamant about stopping you.

“(Name)!” He stalked over, doing a far better job of ignoring his teammates’ teasing than you did.

“Ooh, gotta talk to the girlfriend first, huh?”

“Someone’s totally in LOOOVE!”

“Take your time, you two~”

One glance at them, and they shut up. Rin’s eyes weren’t any less unforgiving when he turned them on you again.

“Why do you always come to my games?”

“Because I wanna watch you play?” It came out as more of a question than a statement, which exasperated Rin all the more.

“I’m not Sae,” he said. “If you think I am, then leave.”

You realized it now: This was all about Sae, wasn’t it?

“Rin, Sae and I talked. Even if he’s not used to everything there yet, he seems happy in Spain, and I’m not gonna get in the way of that. I don’t want to be a distraction for him… or for you,” you said quietly. “If I am, then I’ll stop coming.”

You didn’t tell Rin about your whole call with Sae, the more personal things you talked about, but it somehow still felt like your heart was on display. You broke eye contact, and as was customary, silence fell between you and Rin.

“Sae really seemed happy?” he asked at last.

Happy to talk about Sae instead of yourself, you nodded. “Yeah! It’s not easy—why would it be?—moving to another country, but I think all he needs is just a few months. You know how he is. He can definitely handle it.”

Oh no, you realized. You just gave Rin a longer than necessary answer. Any longer, and you would’ve been rambling, using up time he could be using instead to cool down after a well-played (as always) game.

He regarded you wordlessly, then turned away and made a noise of disapproval. “You can keep coming. I don’t get distracted while I play.”

“Ah, so I was worried for nothing…” You sighed, and this, for some reason, earned you more of a reaction from Rin than your near rambling did.

“You don’t have to worry about me,” he said matter-of-factly.

“Yeah, like saying that ever works on anyone.” You looked at him with a gentle smile. “I’m always gonna worry about you, Rin.”

Appreciation glinted in his eyes, what you could see of them anyway, before he spun on his heel.

“I gotta get back to my team,” he muttered.

“Okay, I’ll see you later.”

Rin never responded, but you knew he heard you.

The calls were the first to slow down. Second were the texts. And when the calls stopped, the texts became your only means of talking to Sae. But they were different now. Duller. Take your latest exchange, for instance.

You: Hi Sae. It’s been a while. How are you?

Sae: Fine. You?

You: Doing well.

You: On my way home from school yesterday, I met a cute stray cat!

Yeah, you knew you could’ve talked more about school rather than some cat, but Sae—or the Sae you remembered—liked animals. Especially the seagull, his favorite.

You regretted ever mentioning the cat when you read his reply.

Sae: That’s nice.

You wondered if it was the same with Rin and decided, after one of his games, to ask.

“Hey Rin, has Sae been…” You were careful with your words. “…talking less to you, too?” You didn’t want to say distant, even though that was exactly what it was, physically and emotionally.

“Yeah,” Rin said, looking not at all surprised being asked about Sae. “We don’t talk much anymore.” He spoke in a flat tone, but you could tell it was something that bothered him, just like it did you.

“Do you think he’s okay?” you asked, worried about Sae’s well-being.

Clearly, as a striker, he was still performing exceptionally well. Always in the spotlight in both Spain and Japan. The talent was there, the attention was there, but Sae… wasn’t. Not with you or Rin. His whole family, really.

“He’s just busy,” Rin said, but it wasn’t quite an answer to your question.

It was, however, the answer he gave you, and you knew he wouldn’t give you another.

Busy was all Sae ever seemed to be, Rin too sometimes, but Sae was ridiculously so. You and Rin accepted that, though acceptance wasn’t the same as approval. Both of you wished Sae called and texted home more. At least his family, if not you, you’d thought.

You weren’t lonely, not usually, while he was gone. You and Rin had each other, even if neither of you would admit so, and you had your walks and whatever went on in school that involved the two of you.

But today was a special day simply because of popsicles.

“I missed this,” you said, raising your popsicle up to the sky. You were taking your sweet time eating, so it wasn’t even halfway gone yet.

“What? The popsicles?” Rin seemed to want to roll his eyes at you but didn’t, just fine holding his popsicle more “normally” than you did yours.

“No,” you said with a broad smile. “The popsicles and the sea and eating them together. All we’re missing is…”

“Sae, right?” Rin said when you wouldn’t.

“Have you spoken to him lately?”

“Yeah, but it was—” He shook his head, settling on different words instead. “We argued.”

“Can I ask what about?”

“That he shouldn’t give everyone the cold shoulder, like Mom and Dad. And you,” Rin said.

“You too,” you added, refusing to leave him out of the group.

“Yeah… me too.”

Knowing what would lighten the mood, you chomped down on the rest of your popsicle until two words could be read on the wooden stick.

YOU WIN.

“Oh my god, look!” You showed it proudly to Rin. “This is the first time I’ve ever won one of these!”

“No, it’s not. You’ve won before.”

You furrowed your brow. “Really? I don’t remember.”

“Well, I do.” Nonchalantly, Rin showed you his own popsicle stick.

YOU WIN.

You brought your stick over to his, tapping them together lightly. “We’re both winners today,” you declared.

Rin smiled faintly.

You were no football player, but you wondered if, for someone who was, what four years felt like. Too fast? Too slow? Did they wish for more time? Less of it? Of course, questions like these were different for everybody, and you should always factor in age.

Sae was seventeen now, almost legally an adult, and after four years, was finally coming home tomorrow.

It’d be a small but very happy occasion. You and Rin had both agreed that a surprise welcome party would probably not be a good idea, too much and going too big. After all, you weren’t trying to smack Sae in the face with well wishes. You just wanted to celebrate his homecoming.

It’d be a snowy one. You braved the cold tonight as best you could in your winter-appropriate clothes. This time of year, weather like this wasn’t unusual but was something never to take lightly. You should be indoors, basking in the warmth of your home, and so should Rin, who was your only reason for even being outside.

You had a feeling he’d stay late to train longer.

You knew your way to the field as well as you did your own home. So many times you’d come here for Rin’s games, watching either by yourself or with friends.

The sight of the field now made the blood in your veins freeze.

Rin was on the ground, Sae in front of him, standing with the goal at his back. A few footballs were gathered inside there, many others scattered across the field. Had they been playing together?

Rin’s head was down while Sae looked at him, and you were close enough to hear what they were saying.

“I have no reason to play football,” Rin said without meeting Sae’s eyes.

“Then give it up.”

Rin stared at him in shock. “Huh?”

“That’s so tepid. Did you think I’d try to console you? You defective product.”

You couldn’t just stand there listening anymore. You ran to the field, down to where Rin and Sae were.

“Sae, stop it! How could you say any of those things to Rin?”

Rin’s eyes slid to yours. “(Name)—!”

And unlike his eyes, Sae’s were devoid of any emotion except contempt. There was no love in them or in his voice for Rin, his own younger brother, or for you, his childhood friend.

“Why should I? They’re all true,” Sae said, not bothering to greet you. “He couldn’t even beat me in a 1v1.”

You glanced between him and and Rin. “You two played against each other?”

“Play?” Sae said. “I destroyed him like the mediocre trash he is.”

“Don’t call him that!” you yelled, and you couldn’t stop yourself from shaking.

It wasn’t difficult to dig deep for the anger you felt toward someone who you once… No, Sae wasn’t that boy anymore. He was worse, far worse.

“Oh, I see,” Sae observed, studying you like you were an insect he just found. “That’s how it is, huh?”

Confused, you said, “Sae, what—”

“You couldn’t have me, so you settled for Rin. Is that it?”

Heat rushed to your face at his assumption, but it was Rin who spoke first. He pushed himself off the ground. “Shut up, Sae!”

Once he was on his feet, he lunged for Sae, but Sae dodged, Rin almost falling to the ground again.

Sae glowered at him. “You think I never knew?” he scoffed, sliding his eyes toward you. “You can have her, Rin.”

You could barely keep up with what they were saying, but you knew it was about you. Sae was throwing you away, and not just you but Rin as well.

“I said, shut. The. Fuck. Up!” Rin snarled, but Sae dodged him a second time.

“Don’t you dare use me as a reason to play football again,” Sae warned, looking solely at Rin. “I might be someone special to you, but to me, you’re just an eyesore and a pain-in-the-ass little brother. You and you”—Sae’s eyes met yours—“are nothing to me. Worthless.” He wrapped a hand around the handle of his suitcase and began pulling it away behind him. “I don’t need either of you in my life.”

You and Rin could only watch helplessly at the shell of a person you once knew walking away.

“Sae…”

Rin called out for his older brother, but both of you knew that Sae would never turn around and come back.

If you’d learned anything from that night, it was that Sae didn’t care about you or Rin. And if he hadn’t used words, then you would’ve known by his expression alone, revulsion for two people he deemed unimportant. Inferior. Who he wanted to be rid of.

He didn’t care about his parents either, choosing a hotel over his own childhood home. Sae’s only care in the world now was himself and football. Everything else was a burden, a distraction, a waste of time.

You almost couldn’t believe that someone like him, so kind before, could change so much in four years that you couldn’t recognize him anymore. Not those cold eyes or the pure derision on his face.

But the worst part wasn’t even that or how he’d treated you. Because you knew, for as much as you were hurting, Rin was hurting far more. To have heard such cruel words from Sae, to no longer have a brother he could share his dream with…

Burning a hole in your pocket was your phone, with its history of calls unanswered and texts read but not replied to. Rin didn’t want to talk to you or see you, but you wouldn’t give him space, let him be alone anymore. It wasn’t doing him any good, and you were wrong to think it ever would.

“(Name)?” Mrs. Itoshi looked surprised to see you at her door, but it quickly turned into relief. “You came for Rin, didn’t you?”

“Yes.” The lump in your throat made it difficult to answer. “I’m sorry. I should’ve come much sooner.”

“That’s nothing you should be sorry for. Please, come in.” She stood to the side, waiting patiently for you to walk through the front door before she shut it.

Inside the Itoshi house, you turned to Mrs. Itoshi, but she was already speaking.

“(Name), I apologize about Sae. He should know better than to treat others, especially you and Rin, this way.”

You weren’t expecting an apology, and you couldn’t allow her to think she was to blame for Sae’s actions.

“Oh no, that’s—!” Flustered, you said, “I mean, you don’t need to apologize. Something that happened in Spain, his four years there… must’ve changed him.”

You just didn’t know what that was, and you doubted that Sae would tell you if asked—and that was if he’d even listen to you. Unlikely? Absolutely.

“Yes,” Mrs. Itoshi agreed with sadness in her gaze. “Rin never said what happened, but we assumed it had to be Sae.” She looked away, briefly closing her eyes in thought. “He won’t talk to us… but maybe he’ll talk to you.”

She had more confidence in you than you did in yourself. That was something you couldn’t continue any longer. You had to believe that you could get through to Rin.

“I hope he does,” you said, grateful for Mrs. Itoshi’s trust. You didn’t want to disappoint her. “Thank you, Mrs. Itoshi.”

She nodded and walked away to the kitchen. You took this as your cue to leave, appreciating Mrs. Itoshi’s subtle way of telling you to go to Rin.

Remembering where his room was, you found his door and knocked lightly on it. “Rin? It’s (Name). I came to see you.”

Silence, then: “You’re wasting your time.”

“No, I’m not. Can I come in?”

You expected him to refuse, but to your surprise, you heard footfalls, and then the door was opening. You were face to face with Rin for the first time since Sae’s homecoming.

He looked awful, his pallor sickly and bags under his eyes. He was a different version of the Rin you knew. More intense, a steely look in his eyes, and a regard for you that was frigid.

He said nothing as he let you in and closed the door behind you. Still said nothing as he returned to his bed and sat down.

“What do you want?” he asked, pinning you with a stare, and somehow it was worse than Sae’s.

Because the truth was, you knew Rin better. Four years had done this, and you could fully acknowledge it without shame. But Rin, prior to his reunion with Sae, wasn’t anything like he was now.

“I want—” You broke off, an empty nightstand catching your attention. “What happened to all your trophies?”

Not just those. Rin had… or rather, used to have… an impressive collection of trophies and awards he won throughout the years. But none meant more than the framed photograph of him and Sae. In it, they were celebrating with their team, Rin, eyes full of awe, lifting the football-shaped trophy.

You crossed to the nightstand, felt its smooth surface, as though that could magically bring the photograph and everything else back.

“Gone,” was Rin’s answer.

“How?”

Annoyed, he said, “I don’t need them. I need revenge.”

“Revenge?” You suddenly realized something. “Is that your reason for playing football now?”

A bitter laugh escaped his lips. “What else is there? Sae doesn’t give a fuck about our dream anymore.”

Neither being the best nor winning the World Cup for himself, Rin, and Japan mattered to the Sae you met that night under the falling snow.

“But you d—”

“No, I don’t!” Rin cut in, guessing what you’d say. “Those four years…” Shaking his head, he covered his eyes with a hand. “Worthless.”

Painful memories of Sae flooded back.

“Rin, Sae was wrong. You’re not worthless,” you said, walking over to him as he remained seated on his bed.

He wouldn’t look at you. “How would you know?” he spat. “You’ve never even played football!”

“I played with you. Almost everything I know about football is because of you.”

“And Sae,” Rin added severely, seeing through your effort not to mention him.

“And Sae,” you repeated, eyes unyielding. “Whatever happened to him in Spain, he should’ve never said those things to you.”

“But he did,” Rin said, grimacing as he took his hand away from his face. “And what did I do here? Become the best in Japan? Instead of trying to replace him, I should’ve focused on beating him, my shitty older brother.”

You couldn’t tell him not to say that. Sae deserved the words, even if he never heard them.

“Yeah.” You sat down next to Rin. “He’s a shitty brother and a shitty friend. Actually, not even,” you corrected yourself. “Not anymore.”

And not after everything he’d said to you and especially Rin.

For a moment, Rin was at a loss for words, staring at you beside him. Then, snapping himself out of his daze, he said quietly, “All I have now is revenge.”

Your heart broke at the crack in his voice, the tears gathering in his eyes. “No,” you said, gently drawing him toward you. “You have me, Rin.”

He hung his head, and wrapped in your embrace, you could hear Rin cry over the kind, loving brother and shared dream he no longer had.

Rin never cried again after that, nor did he ever quit football or mention revenge again. And for a time, your days were quiet.

On one such day, you were indoors, curled up with a good book and cup of tea, a blanket over your lap. When you were reading like this, you always tried to keep your phone away from yourself, or else you’d just keep checking it. But since the sound was on, you could hear whenever you got a text or call.

After a ding, you were more curious than surprised when you saw it was a text from Rin. Even more surprising, however, was what he said.

Rin: Are you home?

You typed out a reply.

You: Yeah, why?

Rin left you on read, and you wondered if you should call him. You decided, in ten minutes, that you would, but after only four, you picked up your phone, finger hovering over Rin’s name when the doorbell suddenly rang.

Delaying your call to him, you went over to the door, expecting a deliveryperson or solicitor.

Anyone but Rin on your doorstep.

“Rin?! I was just about to call you! Are you okay?”

As soon as you moved out of the way for him to come in, he looked around, then looked back at you. “Where are your parents?”

“Still at work. Hey,” you said, growing concerned about his unusual behavior. “What’s up? Tell me what’s on your mind.”

“You.”

Your breathing hitched with that single word. You couldn’t look away from Rin even if you tried.

Forcing calm into your voice, you asked, “What do you mean? What about… me?”

“I got this letter in the mail.”

You finally noticed the letter Rin had in his hand. In your worry earlier, you didn’t notice it, focusing on him instead of whatever he was holding.

Rin unfolded the letter and gave it to you, and the more you read, the more impossible it all sounded.

“Blue Lock? A special player training program?” you read, repeating these exact words from the page. You gasped, looking up at Rin. “Is this for real?”

You didn’t mention how little time there was before Blue Lock began. According to the letter, the first day of the program was tomorrow.

Rin nodded. “It is. I confirmed it with the JFU.”

“Oh my god…” Letter still in hand, you threw your arms around him. “This is a huge deal! Congratulations, Rin!”

When he stiffened without saying anything, you released him, embarrassed. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have—”

Shouldn’t have what? Hugged him? Assumed that this letter was good news? Or both?

“No, it’s fine.” Rin glanced from the letter to you. “Blue Lock… I’m gonna go.”

“You should,” you said, handing the letter back to him. “You deserve to. Show everyone at the JFU what you’re made of.” Your lips quirked into a smile. “Though I’d be shocked if they didn’t already know how talented you are.”

Your praise softened Rin’s expression, but in a matter of seconds, it sobered again. “This is how I get my revenge.”

Your heart, soaring just before from the news about Blue Lock, plummeted to your stomach. You hadn’t heard about revenge from Rin since he reunited with Sae, but of course… his bitter feelings hadn’t disappeared so quickly.

“You still want revenge?” you asked tentatively.

Rin’s smile was strained. “No matter how hard I try, I can never forget Sae’s words to me.” An edge entered his voice. “I can’t let things end on a loss. I’m gonna be a better striker than he ever was.”

You could tell him it didn’t matter, winning or losing, that he could take the high road, not let that one loss define him. But platitudes would be meaningless.

“Revenge…” You felt a heaviness just from saying the word again. “It’s something you have to do, isn’t it?”

“I need to,” Rin said, his gaze resolute.

You couldn’t pretend to understand, but you knew if he did nothing, then it’d eat away at him forever. The only place where he could settle everything with Sae on was the field. Nowhere else.

“Is that why you came to see me?” you asked, a knowing smile on your face. “So you can say goodbye?”

“Yes,” Rin said, “and to say I love you.”

You were glad the letter was out of your hands because, had it still been with you, it would’ve fallen to the floor. You merely stared at Rin, the air stolen from your lungs. All thoughts of Blue Lock vanished, becoming only of him instead.

“Rin…” you choked.

“I know you can’t say it back,” he said, determined even as the light in his eyes dimmed slightly. “You don’t have to.”

Suddenly, you remembered Rin and Sae on the field, what they’d said to each other, and you fully realized that part of it was about you.

“You think I never knew?”

“That night… the reunion… Sae was talking about me,” you said, no longer denying what you’d been trying to since then.

You couldn’t ask why Rin never told you. Obviously, he couldn’t… because of your feelings for Sae back then.

“I didn’t want you to find out,” Rin said softly. “Especially not from someone else.”

That someone else being Sae.

“And now? What changed?” you asked, curiosity bubbling within you under everything else you were feeling now.

“I couldn’t leave for Blue Lock without telling you.” Rin started to turn away. “And now that I have… I won’t take up any more of your time. Sor—”

“Rin!” you called, unable to bear the thought of him apologizing to you when he’d done nothing wrong.

With wide eyes, he looked back at you.

“You’re right. I can’t say it back, not yet, but I can give you this, can’t I?”

Rin opened his mouth, clearly to ask what “this” was, but you were already pressing your lips to his. You closed your eyes, and it took all of an instant for him to return the kiss, pulling you impossibly closer.

His eyes, so teal, were all your own fell on after you parted, but your hands remained on each other, as if letting go meant being left with nothing.

But that wasn’t true.

Rin searched your eyes for any doubt, any regret, but you had none.

Still, you knew he had to ask, “What about Sae?”

“Not anymore,” you replied. “Even before his return to Japan, I didn’t feel the same about him. It’s been that way for a long time… but it took me even longer to realize it.” You laughed a little. “Sorry for being slow.”

“Slow? I thought you never would, not even if I wished it.” Rin hesitated. “You said ‘not yet’ earlier… Did you really mean it?”

You nodded. “Every word.” Guilt formed a lump in your throat. “I’m sorry. I know this isn’t what you want to hear—”

You felt Rin’s lips on yours. It was his turn to silence you with a kiss.

“I waited years just to do that.” He smiled, hands cupping your face. “You think I can’t handle waiting a little longer?”

“Isn’t it cruel of me to make you, though?”

“You’re not making me,” Rin said. “And the cruel one is me… because I want to ask you to wait for me while I’m in Blue Lock.” His eyes were intense now. He was looking at you like you were the most precious thing to him in the world. “I won’t be like Sae. I won’t abandon you.”

“I know you won’t, just like I know you won’t quit being a striker either,” you said, trusting Rin implicitly. “You don’t have to convince me of anything. I’ll wait for you, Rin. No matter how long Blue Lock is.”

When Rin kissed you again, it was more than a thank you. It was a promise to return a winner, victorious, the best in not only Japan but in Blue Lock as well.

Your own promise to him was different but important nonetheless. And by the time Rin returned, you knew in your heart that you’d finally say back the three words he wanted to hear most.

I love you.