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Resistance is futile.
- Star Trek: The Next Generation
“No, I can’t,” Andy said and turned his head away, not looking at Neal. “We can’t do this, it’s not right.”
“Don’t be like this, Andy,” Neal said, keeping his voice soft. “I know you want this, want me.” He trailed the tips of his fingers down Andy’s arm.
“Neal, no,” Andy protested. The words came out almost like a whine. “You’re drunk; you don’t know what you’re doing.”
“Not that drunk.” Neal pressed closer, his breath fanning against Andy’s cheek, making the other man shudder. “I know what I want. I want you, and I think you want me too.”
“No, Neal. That’s not… I don’t… It’s…” Andy shook his head, unable to string a single thought together.
“I saw you,” Neal said, shifting back a little so that he could look at Andy properly. “I saw you watching me. All night, I saw you. You were jealous.”
Andy snorted. “I think you were a little too busy feeling up that girl to notice anything.” His eyes were wide as they met Neal’s, and if Neal didn’t know better he would say there was a look of fear in the big brown eyes.
“Was only doing that to make you jealous,” Neal said, and maybe he was a little drunker than he thought, after all. “Don’t even remember her name. Want you, it’s always been you.”
Andy’s eyes went even wider at the confession, but once again he shook his head. “No, Neal. We can’t.”
“Why not, Andy?” Because really, that’s what Neal wanted to know, why couldn’t they do this? Why shouldn’t they? “Why can’t we do this?”
“Because we can’t,” Andy said, his voice nearly cracking. “You know we can’t, Neal, come on.”
“No, I actually don’t know.” Neal leaned close again, lowering his voice as he continued. “We’re not hurting anyone. We’re both consenting adults. We both want this. There’s no valid reason that you can give me for why we can’t do this.”
He could feel Andy relax against him when the resistance left his body. He leaned his head against Neal’s shoulder, taking a few stuttering breaths as he tried to calm down. “I’m scared.” The words were spoken so low that Neal wasn’t sure at first if he’d actually heard them. “I’m scared shitless. What if we do this… What if we do this and it doesn’t work? What if we end up hating each other? You’re my best friend, Neal. Is it really worth the risk to lose our friendship if this doesn’t work out?” Andy stopped babbling then, taking a few deep breaths, and then he said, “I’m scared shitless, because if this doesn’t work out, and I lose you forever… I just can’t let that happen.”
Neal tilted Andy’s head up, looking Andy in the eyes as he spoke. “That’s not going to happen. I won’t let it - we won’t let it happen.” He hoped his conviction came through in his voice, but what Andy had said was still fresh in his mind. To prove his point, he placed a chaste kiss on Andy’s lips.
“See,” Neal said, his voice barely more than a whisper when he pulled back. “The world didn’t implode. We’ll be okay.”
Andy smiled at him, uncertainty shining through. “Not yet, anyway…” Then he leaned forward, so close that his lips moved against Neal’s as he spoke again, “I guess we can give this a try.”
“Finally,” Neal all but breathed out, pressing even closer. He’d been waiting for this longer than even he’d realized at first, and he’d be damned if he let anything screw this up.
The End