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As of late, Oikawa realized that it was very much possible that he had what a normal high school student might call a “crush.”
Just a small one! The teeniest little attraction. At least, that’s what he’d argue if you could consider blatantly ogling your crush in the locker room, getting horribly depressed at the prospect of living life without them, and waking up from a really intense (and, honestly, really great) wet dream featuring your object of affection a “small crush.”
However, Oikawa was (somewhat) confident he would get over it. After all, it wasn’t like he had a crush on his best friend or anything.
Oh no, wait—
He did have a crush on his best friend.
Oikawa Tooru had a giant, horrible, glaringly obvious crush on Iwaizumi Hajime.
In all honesty, Oikawa should have seen this coming. It wasn’t as if Cupid’s cruel arrow had suddenly pierced his heart and he found himself head-over-heels for his vice captain all at once. It just hadn’t occurred to him until recently that the warm feeling he got in his chest whenever their shoulders brushed or Iwaizumi smiled and the ache he felt whenever he thought about Iwaizumi dating someone else wasn’t the same thing as kinship between best friends. This wasn’t even accounting for the fact that Oikawa had always thought Iwaizumi was very attractive. He was just, well, more aware now. Very aware. Horrifyingly aware.
He supposed this is why it’s called a “crush”—because it crushed your dignity.
Either way, Oikawa wasn’t too worried. After all, Oikawa was a mature adult now and he had a mature way of dealing with this. It’s just like how he dealt with all of his other problems—maturely.
“He loves me,” Oikawa muttered, plucking another one of the daisy’s petals and letting it softly float down into the surface of Hanamaki’s desk. “He loves me not.”
Oikawa squinted at the flower petals left. If he was correct, he should have enough petals to get his desired result. Oikawa gently plucked another petal. “He loves me.”
Matsukawa sat next to him on the side of Hanamaki’s desk wearing a blank expression, making obnoxious sipping noises with his straw even though he had already finished his milk tea. He watched petal drift towards him and flicked it across the table.
“He loves me not,” Oikawa muttered with a pout, plucking another petal.
As Oikawa dropped the petal onto the desk, Hanamaki stared at him with his mouth slightly open and his eyebrows scrunched in confusion as he judged Oikawa harshly.
“He loves me—“ Oikawa froze after he plucked another petal, leaving one more on the daisy. He frowned and tossed the daisy onto the desk with a swift motion. “I think I might have messed that one up,” he said, reaching over to the side of the desk to pluck another daisy from the pile he had picked up this morning.
“You’re cheating,” Matsukawa said, setting his milk tea on the desk.
“I’m not!” Oikawa argued, plucking a flower petal. “He loves me—I’m just being thorough.”
“You’re being a baby,” Hanamaki said, tugging the flower out of the fingers of a protesting setter. “Why don’t you just do what normal people do and, you know, tell him?”
“You don’t understand, Makki!” Oikawa insisted, slamming his hands down on the desk with dramatic fervor. People began to stare at the sudden noise and Oikawa briefly apologized before turning back to his friends with a passionate expression. “I can’t just put myself out there like that! What if he rejects me and hates me forever? Or worse—what if he rejects me and then says that we can ‘still be friends’?” Oikawa sat back down, brushing the flowers off of Hanamaki’s desk and resting his elbows on the tabletop. “I couldn’t handle that sort of pity! I can’t let my pure and delicate heart be—don’t laugh!”
Sure enough, Matsukawa and Hanamaki had dissolved into fits of laughter at Oikawa’s statement. Oikawa was sure that they were exaggerating, but Hanamaki had even started tearing up while Matsukawa was just clutching his stomach with his head down, his shoulders shaking with each chuckle.
“Oh my god, yeah,” Hanamaki wiped his eyes, still laughing. “We gotta protect your ‘pure and delicate’ heart.”
“You guys are such fake friends,” Oikawa pouted, leaning back in his chair. “Besides, you guys have no room to talk—you’re just as inexperienced as me! When will you two do something about your gross pining?”
Of course, Oikawa was only barely exaggerating. It had been clear for a long time now that Hanamaki and Matsukawa obviously liked each other, considering how touchy-feely and flirty they’ve been. However, the topic of whether or not they had really started dating was constantly avoided by both of them. Oikawa had expected them to do the usual—Hanamaki would laugh it off as a joke and quickly change the subject while Matsukawa looked away, the slightest tint of pink dotting his cheeks
Instead, Hanamaki turned to Matsukawa with a serious expression on his face. “Hey, Issei, do you want to be my boyfriend?”
Oikawa fell off his chair while Matsukawa’s normally serene and sleepy eyes widened. When Oikawa clambered his way back to his desk he could see Matsukawa looking the slightest bit bashful, running a hand through his hair while his lips twitched into what threatened to be a wide smile. “Seriously?” he asked.
“Yeah,” Hanamaki gave him a smile that looked more like a smirk, but even Oikawa could see the way Hanamaki tensed up just a bit.
Matsukawa was smiling and blushing. He looked slightly away from Oikawa and covered his mouth with his hand. “Yeah, I’ll be your boyfriend.”
Oikawa watched as Hanamaki gave a small sigh in relief, but kept his composure, scooting his chair closer to the flustered Matsukawa, who was still trying to hide his smile. Hanamaki threw up a peace sign at Oikawa and grinned wide. “See? Easy.”
“’Easy,’ my ass—you were both scared to death!” Oikawa pointed out.
“Yeah, but we did it,” Hanamaki said.
“Technically, now we’re your senpai. In love,” Matsukawa added, still smiling.
“I can’t believe this,” Oikawa mumbled, resting his head on the desk. “Maybe I should ask a magic 8-ball or something.”
“Take your romantic interest more seriously, Oikawa,” Hanamaki said, nudging Oikawa’s head with the back of a pencil. “If you keep this up, next thing you know, you’ll be looking at magazine relationship quizzes or something equally ridiculous.”
Oikawa’s head shot up and he looked at Hanamaki with wide eyes, his mouth forming a round O shape. Hanamaki’s playful expression immediately dropped.
“Oh no,” Hanamaki said.
“Makki, you’re a genius!” Oikawa said, leaning forward to eagerly grab Hanamaki’s shoulders. “You’re amazing! I could kiss you—but I won’t.”
“I’m a taken man now,” Hanamaki deadpanned.
“What better way to evaluate my chances than a quiz!” Oikawa exclaimed.
“Please tell me you’re not serious,” Matsukawa said.
“Mattsun, you have a younger sister, right?” Oikawa asked eagerly, blatantly ignoring him. “Do you think she—“
“Oikawa! Iwaizumi’s looking for you!” a classmate called from the doorway, interrupting Oikawa’s question. When Oikawa looked over, he could see Iwaizumi standing in the hall with his arms crossed so that you could see his toned arms through his clothes. Wow, Oikawa really loved the summer uniform.
“Crap, it’s Iwa-chan!” Oikawa whispered frantically to Hanamaki and Matsukawa, as if Iwaizumi could hear him from across the room. “Act natural!”
“You got it, captain,” Hanamaki said as they got up with Oikawa, following him to the door.
“Iwa-chan!” Oikawa said, practically bouncing over the doorway. “I was wondering why you hadn’t come earlier! Did you miss me so much that you couldn’t dare be apart from me for a second lon—“
“Shut up, Shittykawa, I had to stay back to talk to the teacher,” Iwaizumi said, reaching up to pinch Oikawa’s nose. “I brought you some milk bread, though. My parents bought a whole bunch yesterday for no reason and I don’t know what to do with them.”
“That hurts, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa rubbed his nose when Iwaizumi let go, pouting until Iwaizumi handed him a cutely decorated bakery bag. “Thank you,” Oikawa hummed happily. “You always know just how to take care of me!”
“Well, I couldn’t let some other poor loser be saddled with looking after you,” Iwaizumi joked, but smiled up at him. Oikawa felt his heart flutter a bit and couldn’t help but feel so much happier. It wasn’t as if he never saw Iwaizumi’s smiles or anything, but regardless, Oikawa liked to think of them as of the wonders of the world. Besides, Iwaizumi just looked so much gentler when he smiled and Oikawa liked it best when Iwaizumi was happy. Oikawa’s moment of bliss proved to be short-lived when Iwaizumi’s expression suddenly changed. Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow and peered around Oikawa. “Uh, what are Hanamaki and Matsukawa…?”
Oikawa tilted his head in confusion before turning around and Oikawa almost let out a panicked shriek. Behind him, Hanamaki and Matsukawa had created a big heart with their arms with Hanamaki making kissy faces at them while Matsukawa wiggled his eyebrows at Oikawa. Damn that Mattsun and his strong eyebrow game.
Oikawa simply turned back to Iwaizumi, who was now staring up at him in confusion. “Iwa-chan,” Oikawa began, his cheeks burning. “We need to get some new friends.”
Oikawa did not end up getting a new set of friends, much to his disdain. He instead decided to forgive and forget (and oh how he tried to forget how he stammered an excuse about how Matsukawa and Hanamaki were just doing a really horrible interpretive dance), because Oikawa was a nice person at heart. Sure, he could be a little petty at times, but as previously noted, Oikawa was a Mature Adult and wasn’t going to let something silly like total and utter humiliation ruin their friendship.
“Hey there, fake friends,” Oikawa said during their lunch break the next day, sauntering over to Hanamaki’s desk once again and dropping a pile of teen magazines on the tabletop.
“I can’t believe you were actually serious,” Matsukawa observed with a mildly amused expression, taking a magazine from the top of the pile.
“I gathered all of these magazines from my sister and some of my fans last night,” Oikawa said, handing Hanamaki a magazine. “I’ve marked all the quizzes we’re going to take so I have more options.”
“We?” Hanamaki repeated incredulously.
“Yeah, you can’t expect me to take all of these myself!” Oikawa said, flipping open a magazine to a page titled “Is He into You?” in big pink letters.
Hanamaki threw Matsukawa a look of disbelief only for Matsukawa to shrug, taking out a pen as he started a glittery chart quiz.
After about ten minutes, Oikawa looked up from his quiz with a pout. “Did you guys find anything?”
“Apparently I’m a ‘Fun Sexy’,” Hanamaki stated nonchalantly.
“Based on his movie preferences, Iwaizumi would probably be a great kisser,” Matsukawa said with a thoughtful nod.
“Okay, so the only person who discovered anything useful was Mattsun, then,” Oikawa frowned, setting down his magazine.
“Excuse you,” Hanamaki said with an indignant sniff. “Now I know what type of sexy I am—that’s useful information!”
“True,” Matsukawa agreed, nodding thoughtfully.
Oikawa groaned, planting his face in the magazine. “This is hopeless,” he mumbled, his voice muffled by the pages. “I’m just going to go through all of this to find out Iwa-chan *hates* me.”
“What about me hating you?”
The voice from behind Oikawa made him sit straight up in shock. Iwaizumi pulled a chair from the neighboring desk as Matsukawa made room for him. Oikawa looked absolutely horrified while Matsukawa and Hanamaki looked away, failing horribly to conceal their laughter. Oikawa slammed the magazines closed and pushed them off the side of the desk, the pages falling to the floor with a loud thud that made people turn and stare. Oikawa gave a sheepish laugh. “N-nothing,” he said, his voice cracking, indicating that it was definitely something.
Iwaizumi raised his eyebrows, moving his seat back a bit to look under the desk. “’Nothing’ my ass! What did you do this time, Oi—“
“Iwa-chan, no!” Oikawa said, reaching out to grab Iwaizumi’s hand, catching the other boy off guard. “I was just talking about how I, uh—“
“—Stole the agedashi tofu from your lunch the other day,” Matsukawa suggested quickly.
“Yeah! I stole the—what,” Oikawa turned to Matsukawa with wide eyes, only for Matsukawa to give him a shrug, “Are you trying to kill me?”
“I knew it,” Iwaizumi frowned, flicking Oikawa’s head. “You have your own lunch, moron, why can’t you eat that.”
Oikawa pouted, rubbing his head. At least Iwaizumi seemed distracted. “I can’t help it, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said. “Your lunches are always so good!”
Iwaizumi scoffed, placing his bento on the table. “If you want some just ask,” he muttered, opening the box and pushing it towards Oikawa.
Oikawa’s face automatically lit up as he plucked the chopsticks from Iwaizumi’s hands. He took a piece of tofu from Iwaizumi’s lunch and popped it into his mouth with a satisfied sigh. Iwa-chan’s cooking was the best.
Oikawa moved his chair closer to Iwaizumi and leaned his head on his shoulder affectionately. “You’re such a big softie, Iwa-chan,” he hummed.
Iwaizumi rolled his eyes and turned his head away, letting his hand cover his mouth. “Yeah, whatever,” he said with affected nonchalance. However, Oikawa could see Iwaizumi’s dimples forming on his cheeks and Oikawa couldn’t help but smile himself. Iwaizumi was always so cute.
“Wow, gay,” Hanamaki mumbled while his arm wrapped around Matsukawa’s waist.
Oikawa and Iwaizumi went home together just as they always did. They took their time, stopping to look at dogs and to shove each other playfully. They raced to Iwaizumi’s home in the last block and Oikawa won this time. Iwaizumi blamed it on Oikawa’s long legs and Oikawa teased him before getting his nose pinched by a miffed vice captain. It was the same old, comfortable atmosphere that Oikawa had loved about spending time with Iwaizumi–he had even forgotten, for a brief moment, to be flustered when he caught a glimpse of the fond smile Iwaizumi gave him at the very end of their race.
However, now, as they sat back-to-back in Iwaizumi’s bedroom, Oikawa couldn’t help but be extremely conscious of Iwaizumi. Normally, whenever they hung out after school, Oikawa would finish his homework first and Iwaizumi would stubbornly refuse to give in to the temptation of copying Oikawa’s homework, claiming that, if he did, Oikawa would probably ask him for some ridiculous favor. Oikawa would play Animal Crossing on Iwaizumi’s 3DS, bombarding Iwaizumi’s villager with funny letters and flowers. It was relaxing and, by the time Iwaizumi finished his work, Oikawa would be napping against Iwaizumi’s back.
It was difficult for Oikawa to feel relaxed right now, though. He was just too aware of Iwaizumi. He could feel the way Iwaizumi’s strong back muscles moved when he shifted in his seat and how Iwaizumi’s broad shoulders flexed as he stretched. His heart beat wildly when Iwaizumi leaned back, his head knocking lightly against Oikawa’s as he thought. Iwaizumi’s smell was intoxicating. Although the spiky-haired boy had just taken a shower and now faintly smelled of lavender, Oikawa could still make out a whiff of the cologne Iwaizumi used, the smell of salonpas from the gym, and a bit of something distinctly outdoorsy that Oikawa had always thought was unquestionably in character of Iwaizumi Hajime himself. It was a familiar smell that had always made Oikawa feel safe, but now the smell of Iwaizumi just made him feel nervous.
Oikawa put down the 3DS with a heavy sigh. He couldn’t calm down like this. He pulled his knees up to his chest and leaned his head back, letting Iwaizumi’s prickly short hairs poke his head. “Iwa-chan, let’s play twenty questions.”
Iwaizumi didn’t answer for a moment, but Oikawa could still hear the scratch of his pencil against his paper. “Why?” Iwaizumi asked.
Oikawa turned his head a bit so that he was peeking over at Iwaizumi and could see the tips of the other boy’s ears. “Because I want to talk to you,” Oikawa said with a small smile. “What’s wrong with wanting to talk to your best friend every once in a while?”
Iwaizumi’s back shook a bit as he chuckled. “You talk to me everyday already,” he pointed out it.
Oikawa frowned, throwing his head back again so that he forced Iwaizumi’s head down. “Iwa-chan, you’re such a spoil sport,” Oikawa complained. “I just wanted to talk…”
“Alright, okay, fine,” Iwaizumi relented, continuing his homework nevertheless. “You ask first.”
Oikawa grinned triumphantly even though he knew Iwaizumi couldn’t see him. Oikawa placed his hands on his knees and hummed thoughtfully for a minute. “What’s your favorite movie?” he finally decided to ask.
“The original Godzilla,” Iwaizumi responded without missing a beat. Oikawa laughed, leaning his head back so that he rested on Iwaizumi’s shoulders.
“Still? Wasn’t that your favorite movie when we were five?” Oikawa teased, only to whine when Iwaizumi started poking at the top of his head with the end of his eraser.
“I’m sorry you don’t know cinematic masterpieces when you see them,” Iwaizumi said as Oikawa lifted his head. “Next question.”
“Fine, um, what’s your favorite food?” Oikawa asked.
“Agedashi tofu—you already know that,” Iwaizumi said, continuing jotting down notes on his homework. “If we’re gonna play this, you should at least ask interesting questions.”
“Thinking of questions is hard!” Oikawa argued. “Okay, uh, who do you think is a cuter underclassman, Kindaichi or Kunimi-chan?”
“Hm, you know, probably Kindaichi,” Iwaizumi said. “Kunimi ignores orders all of the time, he doesn’t really give off the impression of a ‘cute underclassman’.”
“Oh, you think so?” Oikawa leaned back against Iwaizumi again, looking over his shoulder. “Kindaichi’s so tall though—Kunimi-chan is small and cute.”
“Says you,” Iwaizumi scoffed. “Besides, being tall is a pretty endearing trait.”
I’m tall, too. Oikawa thought, pouting. “Oh, yeah, I forgot Iwa-chan was so small and—ouch!” Oikawa clutched his side after Iwaizumi poked him with his pencil. “I was kidding!”
“I’m medium-sized,” Iwaizumi said firmly, casting a glare over his shoulder. “At least I’m not a giraffe like you.”
“Iwa-chan, you just said tall people were cute!”
“Except you,” Iwaizumi said, but Oikawa could still see him smiling.
“Then do you think Mattsun is cute?”
“Yeah, he’s adorable,” Iwaizumi said with a laugh. Oikawa could imagine Matsukawa sitting in his own room miles away, giving Iwaizumi a thumbs up with a blank face. “That’s four questions,” Iwaizumi said.
“Okay, uh, if you had to date someone in the volleyball club, who would it be?” Oikawa asked. The sound of Iwaizumi’s pencil scratching on the page stopped for a split second and Oikawa almost held his breath. He hadn’t intended for this conversation to go in this direction, honestly, he had just wanted to calm down.
The pause lasted a bit longer than Oikawa had expected and, at the moment, he was anything but calm.
“Probably Kunimi. He seems like he’d be the least amount of trouble,” Iwaizumi said with a laugh that indicated that he was hardly serious. “I mean, everyone on our team is so high maintenance—it would be a serious life change.”
“What?” Oikawa exclaimed, sounding totally scandalized. “What about Oikawa-san?”
“You’re the most high maintenance person on the whole team,” Iwaizumi answered immediately.
Oikawa pouted, turning away from Iwaizumi. “Iwa-chan, you’re so cruel.” Oikawa slouched a bit, lost in thought. “Iwa-chan,” he began, his voice softer than before. “Is there anyone you like right now?”
Silence fell between them again and Oikawa suddenly sensed tension so thick that he could feel it in the air. However, he also found himself reluctant to take back his question “Sure,” Iwaizumi answered. “I mean, I like the volleyball club members… And my family.”
Oikawa groaned, twisting his torso so that he was properly looking at Iwaizumi’s back. “Iwa-chan, you know what I mean!” he said, keeping his voice light. He even smiled, despite his conflicting emotions.
“I mean…” Iwaizumi trailed off, not looking back at Oikawa. “Not in particular, I guess...”
Oikawa hummed thoughtfully and turned around again, leaning back against Iwaizumi. He wasn’t really sure how he was supposed to feel at this moment. Thinking about it, Oikawa felt that maybe, in a normal situation, someone would feel disappointed that their crush hadn’t said that they liked anyone. Probably because, in a normal situation, if Iwaizumi said ‘yes,’ Oikawa could have hoped that the person Iwaizumi liked was him.
However, Oikawa was realistic. Iwaizumi knew him better than anyone else—he knew about Oikawa’s deepest insecurities and flaws; his annoying little habits and moods. For Iwaizumi to fall for Oikawa in spite of all of these things was unthinkable.
Oikawa felt a dull pang in his chest. It wasn’t easy to acknowledge the idea that someday Iwaizumi would fall in love with someone that wasn’t him, but he had sort grown used to it.
“You know, I’m pretty sure this isn’t how you play twenty questions,” Iwaizumi said, leaning back his head a bit as he turned to glance at Oikawa. “Aren’t you supposed to think of an object and then I’m supposed to guess it?”
“What? No!” Oikawa said, his face flushing as he faced Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi was looking down at his flustered expression with an amused smirk. “Iwa-chan, I know what I’m doing!”
“No, you don’t.”
“How would you know how to play twenty questions anyway? You’re not popular enough to have friends to play it with!” Oikawa teased. Iwaizumi’s smirk dropped into a stern frown and Oikawa immediately regretted his taunt when Iwaizumi moved to pounce at him. Oikawa felt the air knocked out of him when Iwaizumi attacked, his arms wrapped around Oikawa’s waist.
Oikawa’s eyes widened when a mischievous smile stretched across Iwaizumi’s lips and the spiker’s fingers hovered over Oikawa’s sides. “Iwa-chan, wait,” Oikawa said quickly. “I was totally kidding! Iwa-chan you are so popular—let’s not get rash.”
“Too late,” Iwaizumi said, immediately beginning to tickle Oikawa’s sides.
Laughter bubbled up through Oikawa’s lips and he found himself utterly doomed as he clutched his sides, uselessly swatting at Iwaizumi’s hands. Oikawa cursed his ticklishness as he began to tear up.
“Wait–Iwa-chan,” Oikawa managed to say through his laughter. “I surrender already!”
Iwaizumi pulled away with a triumphant smile until he saw Oikawa wiping his eyes. “Oh, shit, sorry. I didn’t get you too hard, did I?” He leaned up so close to Oikawa to check up on him that Oikawa could see the tiny flecks of green in Iwaizumi’s brown eyes through his tears.
Oikawa’s expression softened and the smallest of smiles tugged at his lips. Iwa-chan always had really beautiful eyes.
Iwaizumi tilted his head in confusion. “Oikawa? You didn’t hit your head somewhere, too, did you?” he asked.
Oikawa snapped back to attention. Suddenly aware of how small the distance between him and Iwaizumi was. If Oikawa just took a moment to gather up the courage to lean forward the tiniest bit, then maybe…
Oikawa’s eyes widened and suddenly his cheeks began to burn.
“Oh! Uh, no, I’m fine,” Oikawa said, backing away from Iwaizumi sheepishly as the vice captain gave him a suspicious look. “I’m just, um,” Oikawa leapt up to his feet. “I’m not feeling well today, so I think it’d be best if I just head home.”
Iwaizumi furrowed his brows. “Are you sick? I knew you were acting kind of weird lately,” he said, looking concerned as he got up to his feet. Iwaizumi brushed Oikawa’s swoopy bangs away gently and held his hand to his forehead. “Woah, your face is really red… You didn’t stay up late overworking yourself again, did you, Shittykawa?” Iwaizumi said, trying to sound aggressive despite the genuine worry that was practically dripping from his voice.
Oikawa’s face was burning. He couldn’t do this–there was no way.
“I’m fine, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa snapped, a bit more urgently than he intended as he swatted Iwaizumi’s. “You don’t have to baby me all the time, you know. It’s annoying.”
Oikawa immediately felt regret when Iwaizumi backed off, his expression unreadable. “Wait, Iwa–”
“Fine,” Iwaizumi said, giving Oikawa a cold glare. “Go work yourself to death. See if I care.” He turned his back to Oikawa and sat down in his previous seat, refusing to spare Oikawa another glance.
Oikawa wanted to apologize. To explain everything to Iwaizumi right now and beg for his forgiveness. However, Oikawa had always been rather stubborn and the only thing he could focus on was the ache he was feeling in his chest from Iwaizumi’s words.
After standing helplessly in Iwaizumi’s room for two more minutes, Oikawa pulled his bag strap over his shoulder, biting back tears.
Later, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said quietly, his voice cracking as he closed the door behind him.
They had decided to eat lunch on the rooftop this time. Hanamaki and Matsukawa had agreed that it would be a good change of scenery for all of them. After all, the rooftop was a pretty refreshing place to eat lunch, what with the cool autumn breeze and the general atmosphere that screamed “youth” that was associated with hanging out on rooftops.
However, after fifteen minutes of Oikawa sulking, resting his head in Matsukawa’s lap in silence, they decided that the change of scenery was bullshit.
“Is he going to be okay?” Hanamaki asked, looking down at Oikawa’s pitiful form with concern.
“Only time heals broken hearts,” Matsukawa said with a sigh as he cards his fingers through Oikawa’s hair in an attempt to comfort him. He looks up at Hanamaki with a quizzical expression. “I think? Is he crying about Iwaizumi?” he whispered and, although Oikawa appreciated the sentiment, he could definitely still hear them.
“Iwa-chan sucks,” Oikawa mumbled into Matsukawa’s uniform.
“Poor Captain,” Hanamaki sighed. “Still, I never thought you’d get rejected by Iwaizumi.”
“I didn’t,” Oikawa muttered, immediately yelping as Matsukawa moved his leg out from under him and Oikawa’s head hit the cruel cement of the rooftop. “What the hell!?”
“I can’t believe you would take advantage of my hopeless romantic and helpful nature when you weren’t even heartbroken,” Matsukawa sniffed, as if offended.
Oikawa sat up, rubbing his head with a frown. “I am heartbroken, Mattsun! I just—“ Oikawa’s explanation was interrupted when the rooftop door creaked open and he saw Iwaizumi appear from the corner of his eye. Oikawa immediately turned away, moving so that he was shielded by Mattsun, wearing the deepest pout he could muster even though Iwaizumi couldn’t see him.
“Yo, Iwaizumi,” Hanamaki said, waving over as Iwaizumi approached them, taking his spot in the circle across from Matsukawa. “So, what’d you do this time?”
Iwaizumi didn’t really respond other than a small grunt of acknowledgement at Hanamaki. There was an awkward silence and Oikawa could hear Matsukawa shift uncomfortably behind him.
Iwaizumi took a deep breath. “Oikawa—“
“Oikawa-san isn’t here right now,” Oikawa said quickly, bringing his knees up to his chest. “Leave a message with Mattsun—unless, you’re Iwa-chan because you don’t care anyway.” His voice cracked slightly with the last bit of his statement and Oikawa rested his forehead on his knees.
Iwaizumi was silent again. In fact, everyone was silent, but Oikawa could feel the tension that had settled between them. Perhaps the roof wasn’t as refreshing of a setting as they had thought.
“Yo, Issei, do you want to go get a soda with me. You know, now?” Hanamaki said, sounding urgent.
“Please,” Matsukawa said. The both of them scrambled to their feet, taking their lunches with them and speed walking towards the door, leaving Oikawa and Iwaizumi by themselves on a quiet rooftop. Matsukawa fixed their backs a firm glare. “Talk to each other for fuck’s sake,” he said before slamming the door behind them.
It was silent for a moment before Oikawa heard Iwaizumi get up behind him. He wrapped his arms around his knees and refused to look up, even when Iwaizumi was standing in front of him.
“Oikawa,” Iwaizumi said softly. Oikawa didn’t answer, but peeked up at Iwaizumi. He was crouched down in front of him now and, though his lips were pulled into a frown, he looked more worried than angry. “Did your cold go away?”
“Yeah,” Oikawa lied, looking away. “No thanks to you.”
Iwaizumi ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, I know,” he said. “Look, Oikawa, I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean what I said—hell, I shouldn’t even have said that at all.”
Oikawa lifted his head and their eyes met. Iwaizumi’s expression was softer than usual as he sat cross-legged in front of Oikawa, his back hunched over a bit. Oikawa let himself straighten up to listen to the rest of Iwaizumi’s apology.
“I know I can be a little harsh and pushy sometimes,” Iwaizumi continued, “but honestly, I’m just really worried about you. You’re really important to me, you know? I don’t want you to get hurt or something.”
Oikawa gulped as he felt his heart beat loudly in his chest. “I know,” he finally replied to Iwaizumi. “I shouldn’t have called you annoying. You could never be annoying to me, Iwa-chan.”
Iwaizumi’s lips curled into a small smile that Oikawa couldn’t help but mirror. “Yeah?”
Oikawa nodded. He shifted so that he was sitting more comfortably and flashed Iwaizumi a bright smile. “I mean, I can’t blame you—who could possibly resist the charms of Oikawa Tooru?”
Iwaizumi’s smile widened, even as he reached over to lightly flick Oikawa’s forehead. Iwaizumi carded his fingers through Oikawa’s hair and it took every amount of willpower Oikawa had to not lean into the touch. “Charms, my ass,” he scoffed. “I’d still look after you even if you were as awkward and snivelly as you used to be when we were seven.”
“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa held a hand over his heart. “That was weirdly nice—even for you!”
“Don’t push it, Shittykawa,” Iwaizumi said with no real weight behind his threat.
“Really though, Iwa-chan, you’re so nice to me,” Oikawa said, his voice growing soft.
Iwaizumi gave him a wide smile so pure that Oikawa could practically feel the affection radiating from him. “Of course,” he said, getting to his feet and offering Oikawa a hand. “We’re best friends after all, aren’t we?”
Oh. That’s right. Oikawa thought, feeling a pang in his chest as he reached for Iwaizumi’s hand. Best friends.
Oikawa managed a smile as Iwaizumi pulled him up. “Although, Iwa-chan, it’s kind of weird for a cool beauty like me to be best friends with a brute like you, isn’t it?”
Iwaizumi nudges him. “I could say the same thing,” he countered. “You’re too soft.” Iwaizumi walked ahead of him to the rooftop door, heading off to retrieve Matsukawa and Hanamaki from the vending machines while Oikawa was left staring at the sky on the rooftop.
Love really was a sickness, after all.
Oikawa always thought he was good at putting up an act. If he wasn’t so good at volleyball, he would have probably considered a career in drama. All he had to do was take a deep breath, put on a bright smile, and say silly lines. He could even fool Iwaizumi for a little while if he really put his mind to it.
So Oikawa put up a fine act for two weeks. He smiled, joked, and entertained his fans. He never even mentioned his feelings for Iwaizumi to Hanamaki and Matsukawa and, in turn, they never prodded and pushed him towards Iwaizumi. He limited himself to teasing Iwaizumi as usual and took a lot of care to make sure his gazes didn’t linger for too long or he didn’t look too happy when Iwaizumi’s hand brushed against his when they walked together. If Iwaizumi noticed anything, he didn’t vocalize his concern.
Oikawa wasn’t sure if he was particularly happy that Iwaizumi didn’t seem to notice. After all, Iwaizumi was supposed to know him best, right? Oikawa knew it was a petty, childish response to getting a result that he had planned on, but found it difficult to shove the feeling aside.
Either way, he found he was actually pretty good at pretending he wasn’t in love with Iwaizumi. He was sure everyone had even forgotten until Hanamaki spotted the handle of a rather large hand mirror sticking out of Oikawa’s gym bag on day 15 of Oikawa’s charade.
“What is that?” Hanamaki asked as they were packing up after practice. He, Oikawa, and Matsukawa were the last ones to finish changing that afternoon, leaving them alone in the club room.
The room fell silent as Hanamaki and Matsukawa stared at the elaborately decorated handle. Oikawa slipped the mirror out of the bag. It’s a lot heavier and bigger than Oikawa had remembered when he had packed it this morning. When Oikawa lifted it to show Hanamaki and Matsukawa, the morning sunlight is reflected so harshly that they winced and shielded their eyes.
“It’s just a mirror,” Oikawa said.
“Okay, why do you have a giant, ugly mirror in your gym bag?” Hanamaki asked, waving at Oikawa to put the mirror away.
Oikawa automatically felt his face grow warm and his eyes drop to the floor. “It’s—um,” Oikawa mumbled sheepishly. “It’s a lucky item.”
Matsukawa and Hanamaki stared at him for a minute, then at each other.
“A lucky item?” Matsukawa asked. “You mean like, the thing that is supposed to bring you good luck according to your horoscope? Don’t people only pay attention to that stuff when they like someone?”
“M-may—yeah,” Oikawa said, feeling thoroughly embarrassed. He shoved the mirror into his gym bag and heaved the strap over his shoulder.
“Oh my god, I thought you were done with the silly crush shit,” Hanamaki said.
“Look, so far I’ve been bringing my lucky item every day for the past few weeks and Iwa-chan hasn’t gotten a girlfriend or told me that he liked anyone, so I know it works,” Oikawa claimed with a huff. “Now are we going or not? I’m gonna lock up the clubroom.”
“Stop trying to run away, Oikawa—you’re being ridiculous again,” Matsukawa said, blocking the doorway with his tremendous height. He paused for a minute before adding, “Well, more ridiculous than usual.”
“Oh, burn.”
“Thanks, babe,” Matsukawa said, sharing a loud high five with Hanamaki.
“Look, Oikawa, Iwaizumi never had a girlfriend or talked about romantic stuff before you started paying attention to all this superstitious shit,” Hanamaki pointed out. “If you’re so scared of him dating someone else, why don’t you just ask him out?”
“I can’t just do that, Makki!” Oikawa countered, feeling frustrated. “Iwa-chan knows everything about me! Why would he even bother thinking about loving someone like—ouch, Mattsun!” Oikawa glared at Matsukawa, who had walked over to smack him lightly on the side of the head.
“I was channeling Iwaizumi,” Matsukawa said. Despite his shrug and attempt to look nonchalant, Oikawa could see his eyebrows furrowed in frustration “You’re being annoying about this. Do you really think Iwaizumi would stick around for as long as he did if he thought you were a terrible person?”
Oikawa opened his mouth to object, but couldn’t think of any excuses. It was true—he was probably over thinking this, just like he did with everything else. He knew how deeply Iwaizumi cared for him and, by that standard, Oikawa figured that maybe Iwaizumi at least loved in him in some sort of way. However, he couldn’t just confess right then and there. He wasn’t sure if he was willing to trade the pain of harboring unspoken feelings for the pain of being rejected.
Hanamaki and Matsukawa looked at each other and sighed. “Look, Oikawa, if you don’t want to take our advice fine, but I mean, we’ve been your friends for three years. You just gotta trust us.”
“Plus, we’re your senpai in love,” Matsukawa added and Hanamaki nodded seriously in agreement.
“Gross,” Oikawa said. Regardless, he smiled and felt like a weight was lifted from his shoulders. “Thanks, guys.”
“Anything for our captain,” Hanamaki said with a toothy grin.
The three of them headed their separate ways after leaving the club room. Iwaizumi was probably waiting for Oikawa at the gym and Oikawa didn’t like to keep Iwaizumi waiting for too long. Besides, they were getting ramen today—Iwaizumi’s treat. It was almost like a date. Oikawa couldn’t help but feel immensely giddy at the idea of going on a date with Iwaizumi. There was a skip in his step as he rounded the corner towards the gym.
“Sorry, Iw—“ Oikawa skidded to a stop and ran back around the corner he came from, pressing his back against the wall. He felt total dread wash over him and his heart sink.
That was definitely Iwaizumi with a girl from his class. She was cute, too—probably very popular. Oikawa had spoken to her once or twice before, but her name slipped from his mind. All he knew about her was that she was very friendly and likable.
And now he also knew that she was capable of making Iwaizumi blush.
Oikawa knew where this was going. He spent way too long looking through magazines and daydreaming about heartfelt confessions behind school buildings to imagine it could be anything otherwise. Of course, in his daydreams, Oikawa would always imagine that he was the one making Iwaizumi flustered like that.
“Stupid lucky item,” Oikawa mumbled, walking briskly away from the gym and towards the school gates. He didn’t want to talk to Iwaizumi right now—he didn’t even want to think about Iwaizumi. Yet, somehow, he couldn’t think about anything but Iwaizumi.
Oikawa walked home by himself—something that he didn’t like to do if he didn’t have to. It was always less lonely when Iwaizumi was around. Even if one of them had a rough day and didn’t feel like talking, Iwaizumi’s presence on Oikawa’s walks always made him feel at ease and so much better. He began to wonder, if Iwaizumi was dating someone, would their walks together end? Would Iwaizumi leave Oikawa to walk hand in hand with a faceless partner that he found he cared about more?
He wondered if Iwaizumi was wondering where he was right now. Worrying like a mother hen as usual. Or perhaps he went off with that girl? They’d make a cute couple probably.
Oikawa sent a text to Iwaizumi just in case.
>I went home early! I’m not feeling well—sorry!
When he got back home and it had begun to grow dark, he still hadn’t gotten a reply from Iwaizumi. Oikawa locked himself in his room, kicked his bag to the side, and curled up into his bed.
He was sure he was supposed to cry at this time. Wasn’t that what people did when they got their heart broken? Cry and call their best friend and cry some more over the phone? Of course, calling his best friend was out of the question for Oikawa and, honestly, Oikawa just didn’t feel like crying right now. If anything, he was just kind of exhausted.
Tomorrow he would have to smile at Iwaizumi once again. Probably congratulate him on his new girlfriend? It seemed more likely the more Oikawa thought about the way Iwaizumi looked. And even if that wasn’t the case, it wasn’t as if Iwaizumi would never get another confession again.
Was this really what it was going to be like every time?
Oikawa rolled onto his back and his stomach growled so loudly that he could feel it. Oikawa groaned, dragging a hand down his face. He should have gone to eat ramen with Iwa-chan.
There was a knock on his door and Oikawa sighed, covering his eyes with his forearm. “I’m busy!” he replied to it.
“Oikawa, I’m coming in,” came Iwaizumi’s voice from the other side.
Oikawa sat straight up, his eyes wide as the doorknob seemed to turn in slow motion. There were two options Oikawa could take at this very moment. The first option would be to panic. It was a bad idea, obviously. Iwaizumi would notice something was wrong with Oikawa right away and interrogate him and, honestly, Oikawa couldn’t lie to Iwaizumi. It was just impossible. The second option was to play it cool, let Iwaizumi in, and just pretend he was under the weather. Iwaizumi wouldn’t suspect a thing and, obviously, for all intents and purposes, option two was preferable.
However, before Oikawa knew it, he had launched himself at the door holding it closed just as Iwaizumi had it cracked slightly open, protesting “No! Iwa-chan, go away!” So option 1 it was.
“I knew you’ve been acting weird!” Iwaizumi grunted as he pushed against the door. “Let me in, you idiot!”
“No! Iwa-chan, I’m sick!” Oikawa said. “It’s contagious!”
“The only thing you’re sick with is dumbass-itis!” Iwaizumi said, pushing so hard that Oikawa was now skidding back.
“That’s not even a real disease!” Oikawa countered just as Iwaizumi pushes the door open. Oikawa fell back with a yelp as Iwaizumi came in, his arms crossed and his eyes narrowed in frustration. He was still in his volleyball sweats with his bag hanging from his shoulder and a paper bag in his hand. “Great, Iwa-chan now you’re going to unleash a horrible disease on the rest of the world—I tried to—“
“Quit joking around, Oikawa,” Iwaizumi interrupted. “What’s going on? Why’d you ditch me after school?”
Oikawa sat up, crossing his legs and looking away from Iwaizumi stubbornly. “I wasn’t hungry,” he said. His stomach then let out another loud growl that could have probably shaken the earth. Oikawa’s body hated him.
“You dumbass, I knew it,” Iwaizumi sighed. “Here.” He tossed the paper bag at Oikawa, almost hitting him in the face, before settling down in front of Oikawa, crossing his legs and leaning on his knees. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” Oikawa answered stubbornly, setting the bag in his lap.
“Don’t give me that again,” Iwaizumi growled. “You’ve been hiding something from me for months now and—“
“Well, what about you, Iwa-chan?” Oikawa argued, looking up at Iwaizumi fiercely. “Aren’t you hiding things from me?”
The aggression that had been on Iwaizumi’s face faltered for a second and Oikawa felt his heart sink. “I-I don’t—“ Iwaizumi stammered uselessly.
“See?” Oikawa said, almost accusingly. Iwaizumi’s eyes dropped to his feet, almost as if he felt guilty, and Oikawa automatically felt bad himself. “Iwa-chan, I’m sorry I ditched you,” he said softly. “But I saw you talking to that girl after practice and—um,” Oikawa felt his throat become dry and his heart was heavy in his chest. “Don’t be mad at me,” he said in a small voice.
“I couldn’t be mad at you for something like that,” Iwaizumi replied, refusing to meet Oikawa’s eyes. “I just wish you didn’t find out like this.”
Oikawa forced a smile. “I mean, it’s definitely kind of awkward,” he said.
“Yeah, I know,” Iwaizumi said. He looked up at Oikawa, his expression serious. “But look, Oikawa, you’re my best friend—“
Oikawa gulped. This was it—the big moment. It was going to happen eventually, Oikawa knew, but he had never thought it would happen so soon. However, if there was something that Oikawa figured he was probably good at, it was adjusting to new situations. Basically, don’t cry. Don’t cry, Tooru, he thought to himself. Don’t you dare.
“—and I—holy shit, Oikawa are you crying?” Iwaizumi said, his eyes wide as he rose to his knees, leaning forward a bit.
Oikawa ducked his head and wiped his tears with the back of his hand. “No,” he lied, his voice cracking. “I mean, yes, but—“ Oikawa looked up at Iwaizumi through his tear-blurred vision. He could feel nose getting all snotty and he had started hiccupping. He must have looked horrendous, which really wasn’t helping him. “I just—I always thought I’d be ready for the day you started dating someone who wasn’t me and sure this was kind of unexpected, but—“
“Wait—“
“—I guess I wasn’t as strong as I thought I was. Please don’t think I’m trying to get in the way of you and your girlfriend, Iwa-chan, but I really need to tell you this because if I don’t it’s just going to get worse and I don’t want to do that to our friendship—“
“Oikawa, hold on—“
“Iwa-chan, I love you,” Oikawa blurted out, his voice still cracking from crying. He looked down, wiping the rest of his tears away. “I really love you a lot, but you could probably do bet—“
“Hey!” Iwaizumi said so sharply that Oikawa snapped out of his rambling to look up. “Don’t you dare finish that sentence. That’s the farthest thing from the truth and you know it.”
“But—“
“No, ‘buts’,” Iwaizumi said. However, his expression lacked the harshness of a scolding. “You’re the best friend I could ever ask for. You’re smart, a great volleyball player, and surprisingly thoughtful. Sure, you can be sort of a loser sometimes, but you wouldn’t be Oikawa Tooru if you weren’t kind of annoying.”
“That’s rude, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said, smiling despite himself. “But, you know, calling me your ‘best friend’ even though I want something different is kind of—“
“Oikawa,” Iwaizumi interrupted him, his voice heavy and serious. Oikawa automatically shut his mouth, watching in shock as Iwaizumi’s cheeks started dusting red. “I, uh—“ Iwaizumi scratched the back of his head, his eyes flickering from Oikawa to the floor. “I love you. Actually, I’ve loved you for a really long time and—you’re crying again.”
As a matter of fact, tears were brimming in Oikawa’s eyes once again after the setter started covering his mouth with his hands. “N-no, I’m—“ Oikawa hiccupped.
“Still an ugly crier as usual,” Iwaizumi said, raising his hands to Oikawa’s face to wipe away the tears with his thumbs.
“But you love me anyway,” Oikawa said and it hit him. “Iwa-chan, you love me,” Oikawa repeated, a wide smile curling on his lips as he watched Iwaizumi become flustered once again. “Oh, but,” Oikawa tilted his head, “what was that scene behind the gym?”
“Oh, uh,” Iwaizumi sat back down and scratched the back of his head, trying to look nonchalant. “It was a confession? But I, er—I told her I liked someone else and she said she knew? A-and she told me that we would make a cute cou—woah, hey!”
Oikawa flung himself into Iwaizumi’s arms, almost knocking them both over. Oikawa could feel his heart hammering in his chest and it was hard for him to keep from letting so many emotions control him all at once. The thrill of realizing that he wasn’t dreaming was overwhelming. He could feel Iwaizumi’s hands on his hips and, when Oikawa pressed their foreheads together, Iwaizumi didn’t retreat or protest. Oikawa cupped Iwaizumi’s cheeks gently.
“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said seriously. “I’m going to kiss you.”
Though Iwaizumi turned bright red once again, he didn’t look away. “Okay,” Iwaizumi replied softly.
Matsukawa was right—Iwaizumi was a wonderful kisser.
In spite of previous events, Hanamaki and Matsukawa wanted to give the rooftop another shot. After all, it was peaceful up there. The atmosphere was nice and calm. Especially today, when the sun was bright in the sky and a light breeze blew. It was quiet up there—and what Hanamaki and Matsukawa wanted was peace and quiet for once. In fact, all four of them could have used some peace and quiet. Please. Just for five minutes. And yet…
“So Iwa-chan took me to Tokyo Disneyland last weekend!” Oikawa chattered loudly, hardly touching his food as he showed Hanamaki and Matsukawa pictures on his phone. “Can you believe he’s so sweet even though he acts like such a meanie all the time? Look at Iwa-chan in the Minnie Mouse ears! Isn’t he cute? Oh, and here’s—“
“You know, Oikawa,” Hanamaki said. “I’m starting to think it was better when you guys were just pining for each other all the time. There’s too much PDA here—I’m suffocating.”
Oikawa pouted, but put down his phone to eat. “Don’t be jealous, Makki—I mean, I know Iwaizumi is a perfect boyfriend, but you and Mattsun will soon be at our level, too. You know, I guess you could call me your,” Oikawa wiggled his eyebrows at them, “senpai in love.”
“I hate this,” Hanamaki deadpanned.
“Oh, that reminds me,” Oikawa began. “We should go on a double date someday! It’ll be fun!”
“We could do a lazer tag double date,” Matsukawa suggested. “Best couple is the ultimate senpai in love.”
“You’re on Mattsun,” Oikawa said. “Iwa-chan would defend my honor.”
“The last time we played lazer tag, you were the first one he killed,” Matsukawa pointed out.
“Listen, Mattsun, that was in the past—things were different.”
“That was three weeks ago.”
Oikawa opened his mouth to protest when the rooftop door swung open behind them. Oikawa’s eyes automatically lit up as he turned around to see Iwaizumi approaching them with his lunch, “Iwa-chan!” he greeted him.
“Hey,” Iwaizumi said casually, almost as if everything was unchanged. However, when he sat down he leaned over to give Oikawa a quick peck on the cheek.
Oikawa’s cheeks tinted pink and his lips lifted into a silly smile. Iwaizumi had warmed up to kissing Oikawa in front of Hanamaki and Matsukawa, since they were the least likely to genuinely freak out over it. In fact, if anything, it encouraged them to be even more ridiculous.
“Issei,” Hanamaki said, turning to Matsukawa seriously. “Make out with me right now.”
Matsukawa choked on his food. “What?”
“We can’t lose to these guys!” Hanamaki said, strangely passionate.
“I’m eating!”
“There’s no time, quick—love me, Issei,” Hanamaki flung himself cross Matsukawa’s lap, making kissy faces at him playfully.
“Geez, and you guys said we showed too much PDA,” Oikawa stuck his tongue out at them.
“I mean, it’s mostly your fault,” Iwaizumi said.
Oikawa gasped in affected shock, placing a hand over his heart dramatically. “Iwa-chan, I have to be cute for the sake of both of us! It’s not my fault that people can’t tell we’re a couple because you’re still such a—ouch!” Oikawa frowned when Iwaizumi flicked his forehead. “Iwa-chan how could you be so mean to someone as cute as me? I thought you loved me?” Oikawa said with a lilt in his voice.
“I do love you,” Iwaizumi said, not even flinching as he ate. He looked up when Oikawa stared at him for too long. “What?”
“This won’t do, Iwa-chan, how would I know if you were being genuine?” Oikawa asked, shaking his head. He stuck out his hand dramatically. “Mattsun, the magazines!”
“Wait, what?” Iwaizumi deadpanned as Matsukawa handed Oikawa a copy of Seventeen.
“We’re going to take a very reliable and accurate quiz,” Oikawa said, flipping to a page titled “Does He Really Love You.”
“Oh, wait—take the celebrity personality quiz first,” Hanamaki said, still sprawled over Matsukawa’s lap. “I want to know if my celebrity twin is Zac Effron.”
“No wait, check my horoscope,” Matsukawa added.
“You guys are being ridiculous,” Iwaizumi rolled eyes, but leaned in nonetheless. Iwaizumi’s fingers found their way to Oikawa’s free hand and their fingers intertwined. Oikawa leaned on Iwaizumi’s shoulder as he read the first question, feeling strangely calm as Hanamaki and Matsukawa debated on an answer. Honestly, at this point, Oikawa couldn’t doubt Iwaizumi’s feelings for him—not when Iwaizumi made him feel so safe and when their palms fit together like pieces of a puzzle. They both knew each other better than anyone else to the point of knowing each other’s deepest fears and worst flaws, but that didn’t scare Oikawa. In fact, it just made him even more thankful that, out of all of the people Oikawa could have fallen in love with, it was the person who knew Oikawa like the back of his hand.
So in the end, Oikawa concluded, falling in love with his best friend wasn’t as crushing as he had thought after all.