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Saul pulled up with a bag of Mike’s money in a woodsy area, near a river, just as the older man asked him. He couldn’t say no, this was the last thing he could do for this man, who Saul didn’t really know If could call a friend. They grew apart when Mike started working for Gus Fring more often. Something happened. Saul never knew that, but Mike grew more distant. Started treating him more like a business associate, not friend as he used to (Jimmy liked to think that Mike once thought about him that way).He even threatened to leave him in a hole in a desert, for god's sake! Before that, they were close in a specific way. Saul would say that they were on romantic terms but he knew that Mike would kill him for describing their relationship as „romantic” . Yes, they kissed once. By Saul’s initiative, when he couldn’t resist his impulses. It happened not long after Chuck’s death. When it came to his brother’s death Jimmy always seemed… tough. Unemotional even. Not when he was drunk, though. He coped with alcohol in secret, drinking till he was talking shit, having breakdowns, going on long rants. There were two people that were always listening:
Kimberly Wexler. She was the best emotional support Jimmy could ever have. Almost always there to listen to his sorrowful words, sobbing and choking on his own tears. There was this one time, when Kim was staying up really late, busy with her Mesa Verde case. She didn’t come back home from their office, sitting by a single lamp in a dark room filled with thousands of papers. Meanwhile, Jimmy was drunk again in her apartment laying down on the couch with legs on a backrest and head resting on a pillow. The feeling of loneliness suddenly overwhelmed him, as he stretched out with a groan to reach his cellphone laying on the other side of the couch. He called the first person that came to his drunk mind.
Mike Ehrmantraut. The victim of Jimmy’s late night calls. He usually was hanging up after a few seconds, when Jimmy was calling for no good reason to call. But this time the situation was different, more sensitive. He emphasized with poor McGill, Mike knew how grief feels. A little too much.
“Yeah” Mike said, picking up the phone with the usual, no-emotion gruff tone.
"Hey- uhm- Mike! I was wondering If you could maybe,” Jimmy played with fire at this point, even drunk Jimmy knew that, but at the same time drunk Jimmy couldn't give a shit "I dunno, came over? Hang out with a buddy?”
Mike stayed silent, while Jimmy bit his lip expectantly. He was ready to be shaken off with a simple „no” answer, but what he heard next surprised him. Mike agreed. He knew from experience that leaving a drunk, grieving man wasn’t a great idea after all. He didn’t want to hear about another McGill tragedy. It didn’t take long for Mike to appear at the front door of Kim’s and Jimmy’s apartment. Younger man let him in happily, just to end up sitting on a couch together, ranting over many things for at least an hour. Mike listened to Jimmy’s words with little no interest, more focused on glancing over the man and keeping an eye on how many vodka shots he already had; with no smart life advice to give he just listened.
Close to 2 A.M, Jimmy finally grew tired of being miserable, as his eyes started to close on their own. Mike sighed and glanced at McGill, who was slowly drifting off to sleep on a couch. He thought it would be a good idea to put this poor man to his bed, as he did. He grabbed the younger man’s arm and put it on his shoulder, then he grabbed Jimmy’s waist with one hand for balance. They headed to the bedroom, bumping into a wall a few times. As an older man was putting him to bed, Jimmy grabbed Mike’s collar and pulled him closer while laying his head down on cushions. Jimmy’s lips met Mike’s for a bright moment. It was quick, just a little innocent smooch. But it was long enough for Jimmy to analyze every detail of it. Their lips were dry, it tasted like alcohol, the touch of two lips was electric, the world was spinning in Jimmy’s eyes. Younger man let go of Mike’s collar after a while and closed his eyes, proudly smirking to himself. Mike straightened, said nothing and just stared at sleeping Jimmy for a moment, then left the bedroom silently. As Mike was just about to leave the apartment he bumped into a blonde woman, carrying two boxes of Chinese food, with a messy ponytail and tired eyes.
„Oh!- Hello?” Kim almost dropped the food boxes as she saw the intimidating old man walking out of her apartment. She couldn’t see his face clearly due to the dusk hallway they were standing in „you’re Jimmy’s friend?”
„Yeah I was just… putting your boyfriend to sleep”
„Oh, don’t tell me he was drunk again!” Kim tried to joke, but her smile quickly dropped. „I hope he didn’t said or did anything stupid”
„Nah… he didn’t, just… cried a little”
„Good, or not good- anyways, thank you for taking care of him,” Mike nodded, as Kim smiled.
Oh, Saul wanted to forget. Move on. But from every foggy memory he had from that night, he only remembered one. A kiss. A god-damn kiss. And now Jimmy was Saul, and Mike was Mike. Just a few years older and wanted by the DEA. The sight of Mike waving to him shook him out of his train of thoughts. Saul breathed out deeply and came out of Walter’s car. He obviously wasn’t driving his own, he probably was plugged by the DEA by now.
„Everything is there, your money, gun, all of it,” Saul reassured, handing the bag to Mike. The older man nodded and took it from Saul’s grasp, then turned back and headed to his car in silence. Goodman, a little bit disappointed by Mike’s behavior, stood there awkwardly, waiting for something. A hug maybe? Nah, too much. Maybe thank you at least? Saul wasn't expecting too much. He stared at the older man as he was putting a bag in a safe space of his car, on his passenger seat, then a bit of hope entered Saul’s mind when Mike turned back and approached him , in silence again.
„So that’s it then? Au revoir? Sayonara? Bon voyage?” Saul smiled bitterly „oh, say something!”
Mike sighed and clicked his tongue, oh this man, always unable to read his expression. Saul has always seen the hint of sadness in Ehrmantraut’s eyes, but this time it was more visible. Also, Saul could see the man was thinking about something, considering that he was looking around, avoiding Goodman’s eyes. They stood for a moment, staring at each other.
“…I don’t want to hurry you, but you should really get going before the DEA gets you,” Saul didn't wanted to sound like he was rushing him, so he changed his tone „of course!- when you are ready, just tell me to get the fuck out of there and-! we go our separate ways!”
Mike just stared at him, Saul couldn’t take the tension anymore, so he spread his arms in a hug inviting gesture. Silence again. Saul awkwardly dropped his arms.
„Well, I guess we could just shake ha-”
The sudden touch on his lips made him shut up. It took a moment for him to realize that Mike was kissing him, tenderly, warm. Thoughts flooded out his brain and after a while he melted into a kiss, hanging his arms around the older man’s neck, pulling him closer. He wanted to feel every inch of Mike’s body pressed to his own. As Saul deepened the kiss, Mike put his hand on the back of the other man’s head and caressed his fingers through brown strokes of hair. They missed each other’s affection. It made Saul realize how much he wanted to kiss Mike again. Along with Saul’s disappointment, Mike parted their lips.
“Should I take this as a goodbye kiss?” Saul asked, still short of breath.
“You may” Mike smirked, still holding the man in his embrace.
Suddenly everything got black and white again, just like Saul’s life when everything went down. What a great metaphor. Gene was staring at his tv screen, not even watching anything, just staring blankly at the deep, pitch black screen. When he looked closer he could see the reflection of him in it, a beer in a hand, sitting in an armchair with slightly spread legs. When he got bored of staring at himself he breathed out deeply, hiding his face in his palm. It was his life now. A lonely, depressing and unfulfilling existence.
The next morning he went to his work at the Cottonwood mall, as usual. Omaha, Cinnabon. Gene put up his apron, clamping it tightly around his waist. Then smoothed out his remains of hair just to put up a cap with a fancy „Cinnabon” written on it. He glanced at his coworkers exchanging short greetings, then suited himself behind the register.
The day went calmly, awfully monotonous, but with no stress as yesterday. He got a big scare from a random man who was staring at him longer than he was supposed to. The guy was bald, sturdy looking. Saul was heartily sick of outlaw, bald guys. The dude, of course, was just a random customer who was waiting for his stupid cinnamon bun. A normal person would shake this off, but come on, Gene was in fact, Saul Goodman. Saul with an unattractive mustache in the style of a weird uncle and twenty percent less hair, but his face didn’t changed much. And he knew it. And oh, he was paranoid as hell. Basically everyone could recognize him. He despised living like this.
The shift at the cinnamon bun shop ended at 8 PM. Gene took out the trash full of uneaten deserts, two huge bags in left and right hand. Unable to wave his hand goodbye, he nodded to the two girls walking from the shop.
„Night, ladies”
„Goodnight, Gene,” they replied in sync.
Then they parted ways. Takovic headed through an empty mall hallway, it was a liminal space almost. He nodded to the janitor driving a floor clearing machine, the man did the same thing. It was some kind of routine they were doing since Gene started working at the Cinnabon. He listened to his steps echoing in a quiet hall, then after a few turns he found himself in a mall’s back rooms leading to the trashcan area, when he locked himself on an accident a few weeks back. He shook his head at this embarrassing thought and continued to walk down the corridor. He opened the heavy beige door with his shoulder, this time learning from his mistakes and making sure that the rock was in the way from closing them for good. He opened the garbage can, threw away the trash, releasing his fingers from turning white at the fingertips by their heaviness. He breathe out tiredly through his nose and cracked his sore back. Then turned on his hill to exit but stopped anxiously, freezing in place.
A man was standing in the entrance of the garbage can area, two hands deep in denim jacket, his face hidden under the shadow of a newsboy cap that was matching color. Gene clenched his fists and took a step back, but then something clicked in his brain as he looked at him a bit closer. The familiar broad shoulders, the unfazed stand.
"Mike?” Gene asked carefully, with a hint of hope.
"Hello, Saul” Mike came out of the shadow, but stopped when the distance between him and a man was at least four feet.
"Shh-! It’s Gene now, Jesus-" he stuttered for a moment, searching for words "how-? How did you find me? And why? Was it that easy? Oh god- is it really was that easy to find me-"
"Take it easy, okay?” Mike took his one hand from a jacket and waved it calmingly "I’m going to answer all the questions that I can, but not here, alright?” the older man glanced behind Gene, searching for cameras or other security type of thing, not finding anything - he relaxed a little.
"Yeah, right''
Two of them came out of the mall, and headed to the empty, snowy parking lot. Nebraska was quite cold sometimes, Saul got used to it by now but it was a big switch from warm Albuquerque. They made it to Gene's place, in silence of course and sat down on the couch as soon as they entered the house.
"So, how did you find me?” Gene said finally, pouring a little bit of whiskey to Mike’s glass. Then he sat down next to him on the couch, sipping from his own.
"Remember when you randomly told me that you would love to see Nebraska?” Mike started, reaching for whiskey from the coffee table.
"Oh,” Gene scoffed "so that’s how you found me- alright”
"I think It was when we were on a desert this one time- and you got that big of a sunburn that you started talking about moving to Nebraska because it’s so cold there- yeah, it was just a… guess”
Gene, impressed with how much Mike remembers from their small talks, it made him flattered, made his chest warm up. They sat in silence for a while, making Saul forget all of his questions for a moment, but then his brain was filled with them right away.
"Oh, right- so, why were you looking for me anyways?” to have a little domestic with me? Jimmy wanted to joke but he decided not to test his luck.
"I assume that you still have this collection of numbers from legit guys at Albuquerque?” Mike glanced for a reassurance and Gene nodded his head a little hesitantly, yeah, he still had it, he wouldn’t get rid of it "I need a number to this Danny the Postman guy- I have to check up with my family, that's all, with No DEA sniffing on every letter they’re getting”
Gene hummed, so Mike just wanted a favor, that’s understandable.
"Why letters? Can’t you use a phone booth”?
"To send… financial support”
Gene now understood completely, he could guess the fact that Mike was still a family guy hadn’t changed. He actually admires Mike, how caring he was. Saul could only dream about being a half of what Ehrmantraut was in his eyes. Suddenly his heart skipped a beat.
Oh.
Oh, great.
His feelings are never going away. Are they?
Gene, now with a shaky hand, took a sip of his whiskey, finishing a first shot. He quickly filled a glass up again, pouring a little bit Mike too. He decided to look for numbers yesterday, and an older man agreed to that. He probably kept them in his secret place in his closet, in a vintage band aid box that he carried with him for so many years, Jimmy supposed that was his nostalgic side coming out. They also agreed that Gene will overnight Mike, narrowing down on the fact that the poor old man slept in the car for the past few days.
"Why the mustache,” this time Mike started talking first "it’s ugly”
"Oh thank you, Mr. Honesty! It’s a disguise! People can recognize Saul Goodman from a mile away. I am not risking it!” Gene, now in playful mood that he hadn’t felt for ages, leaned back to the softness of the couch "don’t think I’m gonna shave it just because you don’t like it”
Mike gruffly scoffed at that, making Jimmy look at him from under his blunt lashes with a smirk. He missed it.
"I prefer my lawyer's clean shaven”
Jimmy completely lost it now and blushed red, curling his lips in a ridiculously bigger smirk than before. He could blame it for alcohol at least, he was slightly drunk, not enough to make him talk nonsense, but enough to make everything seem more colorful than before. Soon after they have moved on to lighter topics to talk about, when Jimmy thought about that, they never really chill talked. Everything led to talk of business, because this really was the only thing they could talk about. Jimmy having a gig for Mike to do, et cetera, but Jimmy personally, haven’t felt like Mike was only his business associate. Even though, people tend to call them just that. Because this is how it seemed on the outside, but inside Jimmy felt. Oh, he felt lovely admiration for this man. Mike was intimidating, this is how people would describe him in one word, but Jimmy would say that he was charming, when he frankly smiled once in a blue moon, making Jimmy’s heart melt. Or when he chuckled shortly, when Jimmy said something funny. Or when he listened to Mike talking about his family, only a mention of them was making his voice soften. Saul on the other hand would say that Mike is a scary, shady guy. Gene didn’t know what to say. Suddenly, the memories from previously mentioned desert flood to his mind.
“What would you do if you had- purely theoretically - a time machine?” Gene asked, sending a little smirk to Mike. He looked at him, and thought about it.
“Didn’t you ask me that one already? I gave you at least… three, accurate to date, days in my life”
“Well, yeah- but! I didn’t answered the question honestly back then”
“Interesting, you don’t want to have more money and become a trillionaire, anymore?” Mike, now slightly interested, turned his head to face Gene.
“Mm-hm, firstly, I would come back to March 28, 2003, the day Chuck died, I dunno, maybe I would prevent this from happening” Gene fidgeted his fingers, as Mike’s gaze softened with genuine compassion “then, June 24, 2004, I would kick Howard out of my house before Lalo kills him, then who knows? Maybe Kim would still be… with me ”
Gene let out a shaky breath, then continued. Mike was now carefully listening to Gene’s words.
“Then April 2009, when the bald, coughing douchebag came to my office for the first time, being all stupid and miserable, trying to sell meth” Gene scoffed at that “If I just… Didn’t saw any potential in him, we would be fine now.. I would be a lawyer still and you would be with your family, working for Fring, making good money… we wouldn't be here”
“Saul…”
“But it’s all my fault, because I’m the fucking main character of this circus-”
“Jimmy,”
The younger man felt the touch on his shoulder, so he glanced at Mike, then at his hand resting on him. The older man’s brows were furrowed, but his eyes still had the softness they didn’t had before. Jimmy felt a hand squeeze his shoulder a little more harder as Mike opened his mouth to say something.
“Jimmy, everything that happened had different factors, not only you. Walter could work and mind his own business? He didn’t. Gus could stop threatening to kill him and Jesse and let them go loose? He decided not to. You didn’t knew that would end up like this, neither do I for that matter, small things can affect our future it’s like butterfly effect, or whatever that’s called”
Jimmy on the other hand stopped listening to Mike in the middle of his sentence, being more focused on a hand resting on his shoulder as the man was speaking. The sensation was nice, Jimmy even made a dumb smile when an older man’s fingers started rubbing comfortably his skin as Mike went on with his monologue. When McGill couldn’t resist, he put his hand on Mike's, Ehrmantraut stopped talking and looked at him, dumbfounded. Jimmy, making sure the older man isn’t making any disapproving face expression, took his hand in his, taking it off his shoulder, and kissing his knuckles. Maybe it was a little bit reckless, but that was the urge he couldn’t control. His lips stayed for a longer while on his rough knuckles, then glanced at the older man, who was now sitting completely frozen. Jimmy didn’t let go of his hand, so he turned it to tenderly kiss the inside of his palm. This time Mike showed a bit of a reaction, by breathing out deeply through his nose and looking into Jimmy's eyes, who was now eagerly kissing his wrinkly, old hand in every place where he could. On his knuckles, wrist, fingers. Then the sting of touch starvation made him want to hug the older man. He lifted his body just to drop into Mike’s embrace, folding his arms around his neck, making him lean back on the couch and resting his elbows behind him, to prevent them from laying down completely.
“I missed you” Jimmy whispered right into Mike’s ear, making his spine shiver.
Mike rubbed his hand on the younger man’s back, uncertainty returning a hug. He still seemed flabbergasted by everything that was happening, the romantic gesture Jimmy did at the start, took the words from his mouth. Then an ex-lawyer released the man from his grasp, to just kiss him tenderly. Mike let out a surprised noise when he felt Jimmy’s hungry kisses on his lips, they were chaotic, his hands trailed over Mike’s shoulders then he locked his face between his palms. He twisted his head to get more of the sensation, soon after Mike began to return the kisses, Jimmy, taking this opportunity slid his tongue against the older man’s bottom lip. Mike moaned between kisses, as the younger man’s tongue finally met with his, tugging on Jimmy’s shirt, uncertain if he wanted to push back the man to get some breath or go on with kisses for a little while longer, to the point of rapid gasping for air. He chose the second option, which has resulted in them suddenly parting their lips and, as he predicted, desperately gasping for air. To Mike's surprise Jimmy wanted to go on, so he turned his face the other way, in the end receiving a peck on a cheek. That gave the man an idea, he started to place warm, wet kisses on Mike’s entire face making him chuckle.
“Jimmy- what the fuck? You haven’t got any physical touch for months or what?”
In fact, he didn’t. He ordered hookers from time to time, but he couldn't bestow them with kisses, at the very thought of it, he cringed. What kind of a loser kisses a hooker?
When Jimmy got bored of the fabric of Mike’s sweater, he slipped his hand under the older man’s top, feeling the desired, warm skin. Now Mike was chuckling awkwardly, grabbing Jimmy’s wrists before he could go further.
“Alright-” Mike started, but the sudden smooch on his lips shut him up.
“Mike, please-”
“You’re really touch starved, aren’t you?” Ehrmantraut let out another husky chuckle, and set Jimmy’s wrists from his grasp, letting Jimmy explore more of his body. He started with trailing over his waist then stopped at his hairy chest. Rubbing his fingers through gray hair, then he started circling with his fingertips from an abdomen to a hip in a circular motion, making Mike shiver and arch his back at the gentle, innocent touch.
He started with trailing over his waist then stopped at his hairy chest. Rubbing his fingers through gray hair, then he started trailing his fingertips from an abdomen to a hip in a circular motion, making Mike shiver and arch his back at the gentle, innocent touch. Jimmy smirked at this picture and continued to torture Mike with kisses, that went from the jaw to the neck. Mike’s breath was speeding up with every second of overstimulating motion of Jimmy’s fingertips on his hips and waist, as he started letting out a soft whimpering. Normally he wouldn’t let anyone see him like this, but Jimmy. Well, Jimmy was the only exception. Mike was now squirming under the other man, searching for a friction for his hardening cock. He tilted his head up to give Jimmy more space for his continuous kisses on the neck and his lips parted slightly open, looking at the ceiling from under his lashes. He didn’t suppose that he would be the vulnerable one in this situation, and he imagined this many times.
”Do you like being on a bottom?” The question took Mike out of his thoughts and he blushed even harder.
“I guess”
“Have you ever imagined me on top of you?” Jimmy asked, with unusual tone, he sounded hungry. The feeling of vulnerability increased when Mike met Jimmy’s eyes. The mustache suddenly made him look more dominant than usual. The knot in Mike’s abdomen tightened as he struggled with coming up with an answer.
“Few times,” Yes, he imagined this a few times. Only when he was very bored in his parking booth, though. When the day got too calm, and the crossword puzzles became not as entertaining, he used to daydream about lots of things. He remembers fantasizing about sexual moments with Jimmy but one time he wanted to make a new scenario. He imagined Jimmy, making him feel exactly like this right now. Mike imagined himself totally vulnerable, squirming and moaning Jimmy’s name. His daydreaming had to end fast, because of the unwanted-on-his-shift boner that was always starting growing in his pants.
“What was I doing to you?” Jimmy continued with questions with a hoarseness in his voice.
”You.. uh” Mike stuttered, not knowing what to say, with what to begin with, and most importantly feeling too embarrassed to share his own wet dreams. Suddenly he felt Jimmy’s knee pressing on his crotch, making him take a quick inhale to prevent him from pathetically moaning.
“C’mon, I see you have something on your mind,” Jimmy tilted his head expectantly, pressing and rubbing on his crotch harder „share with me”
Mike bit his lip.
“You were- edging me until I was… moaning your name and begging you”
Jimmy hummed satisfied and clicked his tongue “what a kinky, old man”
McGill didn’t make Mike wait much longer as he took off older man's sweater to reveal his dad bod with muscles still coming through. He took a while to look at Mike's body, that was more hotter than he saw on other men in their 60's. He wasn't overweight, but still had a typical beer belly of an older man. Earlier, when he was trailing over his stomach, he felt the muscles the man was hiding under the fat. It made Jimmy's cock twitch but he shook his head, he wanted to take care of Mike's boner first, so he turned his attention to Mike's belt and pants just to leave him in his underwear.
“Edging, huh?” he took off Mike’s boxes to reveal his boner to the cold temperature of the room, old man moaned at the chilly breeze “like this?”
Jimmy spit into his hand, took Mike’s hard cock and started rubbing it quickly. Surprising Mike with his sudden moves, he moaned again and quickly covered his mouth with his palm to stop himself from letting out embarrassing noises, gripping another man’s sleeve. Considering the fact that Mike didn’t touch himself for a longer time (due to being busy with finding Saul and hiding from the DEA at the same time) he was close to cuming already when Jimmy let go of his cock and looked at the old man teasingly. Mike made an annoyed gruff at that, so this is what he got himself into.
“Jimmy- '' Mike moaned his name, already fed up with edging.
“I’m just making your dreams come true” Jimmy muttered innocently, this time teasing Mike’s tip with his fingertips, then he lowered his head to place a small kiss on it. When Jimmy was done with teasing, he took his dick in his mouth, making Mike arch his back once again and putting his hand on top of the younger man's head, grabbing him by the hair. The sensation of the lawyer's hot mouth on his dick didn’t last long, because as soon as Mike started again coming closer to orgasm, Jimmy let go of his cock with a pop. Mike, now feeling irritated but too vulnerable at the same time, just let out an annoyed groan. It was funny that a grown man, a murderer with gruesome crimes on his account, let Jimmy mess around with him like that. It made McGill even more turned on just by thinking about this, how Mike could in every moment pin him down and take things in his hands. But he decided to play Jimmy’s game instead.
“Alright, I’m gonna stop teasing” he said, as he took off his own pants and boxers leaving them around his knees. Mike gulped at the sight of Jimmy’s boner. Then the younger man brought his body even closer to Mike’s, directly between his legs, making their dicks touch. Older man groaned with pleasure as Jimmy started moving his cock along Mike’s. Then he started rubbing them both at the same time, wrapping their lengths around his palm. His lips parted open as he focused on the sensation, making sure to make him and Mike feel good at the same time. Mike lost it by now, not caring how much noise he’s letting out, he squeezed the arm rest behind him. Jimmy at the other hand was letting out a low grunting, feeling that with every second he’s closer to reaching climax. Unable to dirty talk to Mike anymore, he hid his nose into the notch of Mike’s neck, moaning into his chest, as the older man tilted his head up squeezing his eyes shut. They were both a moaning, sweaty mess at this point, as Jimmy lost his rhythm and was wanking them off chaotically, chasing an orgasm. With the last few rubs of Jimmy’s palm, they both moaned into each other’s ear, soon coming onto Mike’s stomach. Older man's orgasm was much more intense, due to previous edging and his mind became blank for a longer while, intensely experiencing wave of pleasure. Jimmy stayed on top of him, still riding their climax as Mike reached the final aftershocks, arching his back a few more times. They felt each other’s hot breath, as they stayed silent for a moment. In a comfortable silence.
“Was it good?” Jimmy glanced at him, searching for an answer in the older man’s eyes. His eyes were dark and gray, half closed. With a little spark shining out as he looked into the younger man’s eyes.
“Yeah,” Mike chuckled.