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The buzzing in Audrey's mind has grown quieter as the drink slowly left her body. It was still there somewhat in the back of her head but now felt like a gentle hum instead of the overpowering roar she had grown accustomed too.
She wasn't sure where she was headed as she sobered up but as she found herself wandering Third, her feet seemed to take her someplace and soon she found herself staring at a door.
Audrey took a breath as she thought about what she was doing and lifted her hand up to knock. Her hand hovered as she hesitated for a moment before she brought it down to tap sharply against the door.
Audrey stood there for moment and comtemplated running away but as quickly as the thought arose, the door panel slide open with a swish to reveal a relaxed looking Bess Till. Audrey had never actually seen the woman wearing something so laid back as sweatpants and a hoodie so she felt a bit taken aback at the sight.
'Oh, it's you.' Bess snipped, breaking Audrey from her train of thought.
'Always the charmer aren't you brakeman." Audrey laughed nervously, feeling the tension rising.
'Not a brakeman.'
Bess did not look impressed.
'And not interested.'
Bess raised a hand towards the door panel.
'Well I know that isn't true.' Audrey half smiled as she tried to joke.
At that, Bess firmly pressed the close button on the panel and the door began to glide shut.
'Wait!' Audrey yelled, putting her foot in the doorway forcing the door to open once more.
Bess sighed loudly in annoyance as she stared back at the raven haired woman.
'What?' Bess huffed.
Audrey opened her mouth to speak but suddenly felt too exposed as she heard the footsteps of other passengers walking in her direction.
'Can I come in?' Audrey asked quietly.
Bess considered shutting the door and leaving the woman to fend for herself against the other passengers harsh words, but found herself stepping to one side as she saw how quiet the woman seemed.
Audrey stepped inside the quarters and couldn't stop herself from looking at the trinkets and items that adorned the blonde's room. The walls had old band posters strewn across them and the few shelves that were in the room had several sporting memorabilia and photographs on them.
'What?' Bess asked as she noticed Audrey scanning the room.
'It's just... this isn't what I imagined your room to look like that's all. It's different to First.'
Bess let out a huff of laughter at that.
'Yeah well living in Third doesn't mean I have to live in squalor you know.'
'I know, I didn't mean it like that.' Audrey tried to backtrack.
Audrey picked up a worn signed baseball that sat on the nightstand and looked at it for a moment before putting it back.
'It just feels more homely than my apartment that's all. Less lonely.' Audrey explained.
'Why are you here Audrey? What do you want?' Bess questioned, feeling suspicious of the woman's motives.
'God can't a girl just drop by to say thank you without being interrogated?' Audrey sounded almost exasperated.
'Thank me for what?'
'For helping me find rock bottom.' Audrey spoke quietly.
Bess felt a wave of sympathy for the woman as she recalled how much of state she had been in only hours before.
'You were right, you know. About me forgetting who I used to be.' Audrey's voice was quiet as she seemed to be gazing into nothing.
'I used to be the one everyone went to so they could find themselves, the person that could help them recover from trauma and pain. But lately I've been so blinded by everything going on with Wil...'
Audrey's voice wavered as she spoke and she found her knees began to tremble so she quickly sat on the edge of Bess' bed.
'I've lost sight of what was dear to me. I've lost friends. I've lost respect and dignity. I've lost everything.' Tears began to run down Audrey's face and Bess soon found herself sitting on the bed next to the woman, their knees slightly touching. Bess wanted to comfort the woman more but it was hard to not be wary after everything.
'That doesn't mean you can't get it all back though.' Bess suggested as Audrey sniffed softly.
'It'll be difficult and it might take a long time but you can do it. I know you can.'
'You think so?' Audrey turned towards the blonde and Bess felt her heart break a little as she looked at her tear stained cheeks.
'Sure, you're Miss Audrey of the Nightcar! A total badass can do anything she puts her mind to. You bring joy to the train and are so important to us all.' Bess tried to lighten the mood and hoped her words reassured the woman.
Audrey just seemed more crestfallen.
'I know. That's what pushed me away.'
'I don't understand.' Bess spoke, sounding confused.
'It was exhausting. Being responsible for everyone's happiness and wellbeing on Snowpiercer is so... overwhelming. That's why I took the first opportunity to get away from the pressure.'
'That's why you went back to Big Alice?' Bess asked.
'It's what gave me the push. Then as soon as I saw Him it all came flooding back.' Audrey's eyes glazed over again at the mention of the man.
'When you're completely drained, it's comforting being with someone who knows your every like and dislike. Someone who knows what you want before you even know it yourself. Somone who knows every part of your soul.'
'At least you have a soul.' Bess muttered, unable to stop her anger towards the man spilling out.
'What do you even see in him? He's a walking red flag.' Bess asked, feeling genuinely curious.
'I don't even know if I'm honest. He just has this hold on me. I can't describe it.'
'I can. He's an abusive and manipulative psychopath.'
'Maybe...' Audrey trailed off.
'Well if you can see that, why do you still run back to him every chance? I still see you trying to sneak into medical to see him even now.' Bess felt her voice rise slightly as she tried to comprehend what the woman saw in Wilford.
'I'm scared.' Audrey had never sounded so small.
'Of what?'
'Of having to start all over again! I've been Miss Audrey Wilford's mistress, and then Miss Audrey of the Nightcar for so long, I don't even know who I am without that!' Audrey rambled, throwing her head into her hands as fresh tears came flooding through.
Bess thought for a moment and chose her words carefully.
'You're kind. And you're brave. And smart. And wise. And beautiful. And talented...' Audrey wiped her eyes as she looked at the blonde.
'...And you are so fucking sarcastic.' Bess continued, getting a small laugh from the dark haired woman.
'If you can't be Audrey of the Nightcar, why don't you just be Audrey for a while.' Bess suggested.
'Knight.'
Bess raised an eyebrow in confusion.
'My name. It's Audrey Knight.'
Bess smiled at the woman and offered a hand towards her.
'Okay, well it's nice to finally meet you Miss Knight.'
Audrey laughed again as she took Bess' hand and gave her a handshake.
'Wait, is that why it's called the Nightcar?' Bess exclaimed.
Audrey just smirked as the blonde was left reeling from the realisation and the room grew quiet.
'Bess?' Audrey spoke softly, breaking the silence.
Bess turned to look at the woman.
'Do you really think I'm beautiful?' Audrey asked, sounding almost shy.
Bess couldn't help but smile as she had never seen Audrey without her mask of confidence before.
'Of course. Inside and out.' Bess reassured.
'Even without my wigs and makeup?'
'Yeah.'
'What about when I was sat at the noodle bar, wasted out of my mind?'
Bess laughed a little as she rubbed the back of her head awkwardly.
'Okay, maybe you were more hot mess than hot. Just a little.'
'So you think I'm hot now, do you?' Audrey smirked as confident Audrey had returned and was now pulling the blonde towards herself by the strings of her hoodie.
Bess felt her face go red as she got closer to the woman.
'Audrey, you're upset and not thinking clearly.' Bess tried to reason, although she would have been lying if she said she hadn't thought about this before.
'Shhh. Please let me have this.' Audrey whispered as she drew the blonde close before leaning in. Bess closed her eyes as she felt warm lips touch her and couldn't hold back the smile when Audrey pulled away.
'I always wondered what that would be like.' Audrey said thoughtfully as she smiled.
'You thought about doing that before?'
Audrey playfully swatted the blonde's arm.
'Oh don't play the fool Till. You know you're a catch.'
'Not sure if many would agree with you there.'
'I think you are and I wish I met someone like you a long time ago. Things might have turned out rather differently.' Audrey sounded wistful as she imagined a Wilford free life.
'I can't change your past Audrey, but... I can do something about the future.' Bess began as she took Audrey hands in her own.
'Let me help you. You can find yourself again. The real Audrey is still in there.' Bess squeezed Audrey's hand.
'Yeah I think she's ready to come back now.' Audrey smiled, feeling hopeful for the first time in a long time.