Archive of Our Own

Jyn was used to being able to sleep wherever she could - a hard stone floor, propped against a wall, and even once within a vent - at least here she's able to rest her head on a soft bed, sitting in a metal chair beside the unconscious form of Cassian Andor.

It had only been two weeks since Scarif, but it felt like a hundred lifetimes. She was lucky enough to wake up after only a few days of Bacta treatment, which helped her burnt and broken skin begin to heal, but left a good portion of her hair still missing.

But against all odds she's alive, so she'll take what she can get.

Cassian had far more internal injuries than the medics first thought when they arrived. Alongside the standard Bacta treatments he went through for burns, he required four surgeries to fix, add and remove splints from his leg and spine. They had put him through hours of experimental treatments to help speed healing even further when they found injuries to his liver, which began causing more problems than his shattered bones.

It would have looked like he was asleep if it weren't for the wires. He'd lost so much weight in just two weeks, his cheeks sunken and his skin pale, but the lines of stress he had held on his face when awake had smoothed.

She had been too scared to touch him since she found her way to his room the moment she found out he was just barely alive, worried that she'd undo a vital part of his progress by knocking a wire, or bumping a part of his body that hurt when he couldn't show that it caused him pain.

(He wouldn't feel anything, the medics had assured her that first night, he'd been given so many painkillers it would knock a Wookie to its knees)

In truth, Jyn didn't feel that she had the right to touch him, to hold his hand to comfort him as much as it would comfort herself. They barely knew each other, and holding someone as the end comes closer is a lot different to holding those who are lucky to live another day and have consequences to their actions.

So she stayed vigil by his side and watched him day and night - the numbers on the machine, the rise and fall of his chest, his hands in the hopes they'll move as he woke, only letting herself sleep when another person was there to watch over him in her place with the promise of waking her if anything changed.

It was late in the night when he finally woke - she hadn’t gone back to her own bed yet, the night before had been plagued by nightmares of screams and fire that she didn’t want a repeat of anytime soon - so she was there beside him when she saw his hand twitch out of the corner of her eye.

She dropped the datapad in her hand to the floor with a loud clatter, standing to watch his face to see if she was dreaming or not. His fingers began to flex out, followed by his body shifting in the bed before his eyes snapped open, scaring the daylights out of her. His eyes were wide and bloodshot, darting around the room in a panic as he tried to take everything in and assess the danger.

"You're on base" Jyn quickly said, pinning his arms down as he reached up to rip one of the cannulas from his neck, the other going straight for the breathing tube. He tried to fight free from her firm grasp, but he was still so weak that he never stood a chance.

She was half on the bed now in her plight to pin his arms down without ripping anything out of him herself.

"Cassian!" She snapped loudly, shoving her face right in front of him so he had no choice but to look at her. “Cassian,” She said again, soft and firm.

He relaxed the moment he recognised it was her voice, his glazed eyes finally focusing in, roaming every part of her face to make sure it was actually Jyn leaning over him and not a trick. His eyebrows furrowed as he took in the side of her head, where it was ragged and only an inch long from the blast, his hand slipping from beneath hers to try and reach for it in question.

"I had a haircut," she joked weakly, her voice cracking from pure relief. "I need to go tell them you're awake, I'll be right back"

She felt his fingers brush against the back of her hand as she moved away, and when she looked back he was watching her like he couldn’t quite believe she was real. She tried to give him a reassuring smile, but it felt forced - she felt like passing out from worry, from elation maybe, and she was sure it showed on her face. 

As she rushed down the hall to where the doctors had their main station, she touched the spot on the back of his hand where Cassian’s fingers had grazed, under his own accord. He was awake. He wasn’t dead. The ghost of the feeling made her chest well up with pure joy.

Once the doctors and med droids had done their extensive assessments, alongside her favourite medic who had been the one to always look the other way when he noticed Jyn missing from her own bed and found posted beside Cassian, they were finally able to be alone.

She stood at the end of his bed, shifting from foot to foot ready to leave the moment he asked. She had been able to justify staying in his room when he was unconscious, the excuses of waiting for him to wake or protecting him were easy to say when he couldn’t say anything himself, but now she didn’t know what to do.

“Did anyone else make it?” Was the first thing he asked her, his voice was raspy from the breathing tube that had just been removed. Her shoulders relaxed, glad to bring him at least some good news. 

“Yes,” She said. “Not a lot though. Bodhi, Baze and Chirrut are all still here. Most of the squadrons that came survived too, that’s how we got out. A few from our ship”

His eyes had more life in them the more names she said, he had likely thought nobody else survived “Who?”

Jyn tried to think of the others, but their names came up short. It’s not like she knew any of them before they left, and all of her focus had been on their small team since she woke up.

Biting her lip, she walked around to the side of his bed where she had left a small stash of her own items, and picked up the datapad she had taken off the table in the halls that nobody was using, tapping through a few files before looking at Cassian again.

“Sefla, Melshi, Zavor” She said, flicking through the files she had begun to save with a shake of her head. “I think some others, but I haven’t gotten into their files yet.”

He nodded once, he hadn’t looked away from her since the doctors came in fussing over him. It made her self conscious - she still had raised scars all down her arms from the flash burns that she was still receiving daily treatments for, and it also caused parts of her face to be bright red even with the medication. She looked so different from before, what would he even think of her after everything?

"Are you alright?" He asked quietly. She tried to seem unfazed, putting the datapad back down with a shrug of her shoulders.

"I had a lot of burns," she said nonchalantly, like they hadn’t caused so much pain that she had been begging the medics to let her die while she slipped in and out of her drugged haze for days  after she arrived.

The frown on his face deepened as he saw right through her lie. He tried to reach out to her again, but pain rippled across his face when he tried to lift his arm, so he dropped it down on the bed as close to her as he could, palm up in invitation.

She stared down at his hand for a beat too long, so he curled his fingers in on themselves and looked forward, the blank mask slipping back onto his face at the perceived rejection.

Jyn's stomach twisted at the thought. She had never been in this situation before, where someone was looking to her for comfort.Or maybe he was looking to comfort her. 

Perhaps they both needed it.

She grabbed the chair that had been pushed to the side during all the chaos, bringing it back to the spot beside him it had been over the last week through her silent vigil.

He watched her the whole time with eyes softening as she jerkily manoeuvred herself into a comfortable position in the awful metal chair. He left out what she assumed was a laugh when the datapad she grabbed again fell to the floor in the shuffle, earning him a halfhearted glare that finally got the smallest smile to cross his face.

“Where are you staying?” He murmured, the painkillers causing his eyes to blink slower and slower as he began to drift to sleep. She doubted he was going to remember any of this. 

“I’ll be here when you wake up, alright?” She said just as quietly, her hand resting on the bed beside his. His hand tried to move towards it, but all he could manage was his pinky brushing hers before he succumbed to sleep, so she took his hand and squeezed to let him know she wasn’t going anywhere, and finally let her tears fall.

But later - much later, when he woke again - she was the one to tell him that everything they had done was all worth it, that the Death Star had been defeated by a farmer boy, and they get to hold each other's hands tight and cry together.

It didn't take a genius to figure out what this ‘important meeting’ was going to be about when a week later Jyn was summoned to the war room with Cassian in tow. 

It felt like the start all over again, she had even been asked to sit in the same chair she was when she heard the fateful 'when was the last time you saw your father' that signalled the beginning of what she was sure was the end when she walked in. Except this time Cassian was sitting across from her with Draven and Senator Mothma instead of lurking in the shadows.

They're both still patients in the infirmary, but the call for an official meeting with Mothma had overridden any warnings the medics had about staying put. So there they are, with Cassian on crutches, venomously arguing against the wheelchair he had originally been provided, to see what consequence she was finally reaping for what she had done. 

"We would like to give you your options" Mothma begins once the room is cleared of lingering staff. Jyn let out a sigh and prepared herself for the charges they were going to nail her with. "To thank you for retrieving the Death Star plans and putting yourself at risk, we are offering transport off base, and a substantial amount of credits to set you up wherever you please. We will also erase all of your aliases from our databanks"

She…She really wasn’t expecting this. Prison? yes (Did the rebels even have prisons?). Getting kicked off to the nearest hostel planet to fight for her life? Maybe. 

But freedom?

She could start fresh, without a record to slow her down - the very thought of this kind of true restart caused her stomach to twist in anticipation. Even in her wildest dreams she didn’t let herself imagine ever getting this kind of opportunity - it was always going to be die in prison or die running without a credit to her name. 

But why did the very thought fill her with dread?

"-and Captain Andor has requested that if you were to join, that you would be stationed on his team even if you choose not to be with intelligence. We would also provide you a good salary with accommoda-"

"Joining the Rebellion?" She couldn't help but bark out with a laugh, which made Cassian finally look at her for the first time since they sat down with a frown. "After everything I did, you want me to stay?"

To his credit, Draven looked just as unhappy about the whole situation as Jyn looked surprised.

"Without your contribution billions of others would have lost their lives" He said reluctantly, "I don't think you're fit for Intelligence, but Andor says otherwise"

"Can I have some time to decide?" She asked after a beat, her eyes now deliberately avoiding the side of the table Cassian sat. She could feel how tense he was from where she sat. 

Mothma nodded, and seems surprised that Jyn needed the time. "Of course. But please decide before you are released from the infirmary, so we can line up the transport or a bed for you" 

Draven and Mothma began to make their exit, and Jyn was quick to Cassian’s side to help him stand and make his way out of the room. Once he was on his feet she didn’t touch him again, though she stayed close enough that she would be able to grab onto him if anything were to happen. He had been so determined to walk on his own despite the warnings, and even Jyn’s feeble attempts to help were met with glares that she knew were his own frustration rather than anything against her. 

It was a tense and slow walk back to the infirmary, neither of them willing to break the silence until they reached their destination. It let her mind race and jump into a panic about what it all meant without any kind of interruption. 

When they entered through the doors the doctor immediately jumped at Cassian, reprimanding him for being on his feet. Jyn bit back a smile at Cassian's half hearted excuses as they were ushered together back to his partitioned room. 

Jyn told the doctors to leave them harsher than she meant to, and after a week of them all watching how Jyn helped Cassian through his recovery they were happy to do so (better Cassian snap at her, rather than them), so she could be the one to oversee him getting back into bed without incident. She rounded the curtains around them so they were alone as they could be, but she kept her eyes on the floor. 

He caught her arm once they were alone, warm fingers curling around just above her elbow. "I won't stop you from leaving," he said quietly, though it felt like it echoed around her. "But if you do, tell me where you go"

She stared at him for a long moment, enough to see the sadness in his eyes at the possibility of her taking up the offer, but the determination was there clear as day to still be in her life regardless of her choice. 

"Of course," She replied, quiet and sure. 

He gave her a relieved nod, dropping his hand from her arm to her hand, squeezing her fingers before turning to his bed. 

She stood watching him until he was back in his bed, a med droid whirring past her to begin hooking him up to his nightly supplements and antibiotics. She gave him a tight lipped smile when he looked up and found her still standing there watching, waiting for him to be fully settled before she made her way a few beds down to receive her own treatments. 

Of course, she was going to stay - there was no doubt in her mind of that now. 

She owed it to her father to continue his work to bring down the Empire - to do what was right - after all, he risked and lost his life to bring down the Death Star. 

Plus, for the first time in years, she wouldn't be alone. 

Jyn was elated when she was cleared for her first mission. 

She had been discharged weeks ago with lingering scars and a short haircut thanks to Bodhi's help to try and even it out, but Command had been firmly against sending her on any official business without being under the watchful eye of Cassian. So she pottered around the base, training with other recruits and visiting Cassian in the infirmary every day, or Bodhi at his ship in the hangar whenever she had the chance to. Baze and Chirrut had taken their leave, accepting the healthy reward and retreating to a new home with the promise of seeing her soon. 

Cassian had taken far longer to heal than anyone anticipated, the frustration of having to wait to get back to his full abilities had been making him antsy and moody to anyone who dared spend time with him. He had many visitors, something that initially surprised Jyn. She had assumed he would be more of a recluse due to his kind of work, but barely a day passed where she didn't see a new face coming or going from his room. He tried to be positive when they were around, but Jyn saw how much it upset him for others to see him so weak. 

The look on his face when the medics let him know he was discharged (even if it wasn’t back to work, but right into intensive physiotherapy but allowing him back to his own bed) made putting up with his anger worth it. He looked younger than he ever had to her, even with the weight loss and bags under his eyes. He looked like a universe had lifted off his shoulders. 

And now, nine weeks after she first decided to stay, they were finally off - together. 

The mission itself didn’t require two people to run it - it was a simple drop off of supplies to a back-up base being built on some frozen planet that Jyn instantly decided was the worst place she'd ever been. It had been decided that it would be a good starting point for the two, just to see if the partnership would work when it wasn’t life or death and without the risk of re-injuring Cassian. They had reached the planet quickly, dropped off the cargo and were on their way back before they even knew it.

The ship they had been assigned had a small kitchenette space with a 'fresher and bunks, as they would have to travel through space for well over a standard night each way. It wasn't a lot, but enough that it was considered a luxury vessel in the Rebellion. 

(She was going to steal that stupid Millennium Falcon one day for the bed alone, Solo be damned)

She hadn’t slept on the way, too wired to even close her eyes for a few minutes. With her luck something would have gone wrong the moment she let her guard down, so she sat in the co-pilot with her eyes on the stars until they landed, Cassian beside her the whole time. 

Now, after everything had gone exactly as they had planned, the two were able to properly unwind together and enjoy the trip home. She sat at the small booth and table built into the side of the kitchenette while shuffling a deck of cards, watching with appreciation as Cassian prepared them a meal.

He hadn’t looked at her since he began cooking - she found out through a passing comment a few weeks ago that he was a particularly good cook (from Draven, of all the people) she had been prodding him to live up to the compliment. The Yavin base didn’t have personal kitchens, so she was thrilled when he agreed to make something if they were able to pick up the right supplies. 

He finally turned around with the two plates in his hands, his eyebrow raising at her eager smile as he handed over the warm food. He managed to poke her with a finger to make her wait before hauling into it, getting a laugh from her before he sat down with a sheepish smile. 

The booth itself barely sat the two of them, causing them to have to shift around so that their legs could fit under the metal table. He didn’t begin to eat when she did, instead he watched her take the first bite of her food, and after a few moments she bumped her knee against his. "It's passable"

He scoffed with a roll of his eyes, the wary look on his face slipping as he let a smile take over instead. The movement he made caused his leg to press hers more fully, a warm and heavy presence that he didn’t remove. 

She was just as determined as he was to not make a big deal about it, she felt his muscles tensing just as hers were, both unsure if the touch was welcomed or not. She took the chance and pressed back against him, and his eyes flicked up to meet hers with warmth that spread right from them through her whole body. 

Jyn had not been free with her touches since she was a child, it was dangerous to be close to anyone in any capacity, let alone someone who could become…something. Something that could leave her, something that could break her heart, something she felt she didn’t deserve.

With Cassian it didn’t feel jolting or strange when their hands brushed, when he put a hand on her lower back as they passed through the small spaces of the ship, even the shoves she would give him when he told a terrible joke. There had been years when she hadn’t touched another months at a time, and now a day barely passed where they weren’t in each other's orbit. 

The thought of relying like this on someone was terrifying to her. It was bound to explode in her face, the universe had never been a kind thing to her. 

But maybe - maybe - it would give her this one thing.

“Jyn!”

Jyn whirled around at the familiar voice calling her name. Someone grumbled past her as she stopped in the middle of the busy hall, but she paid them no mind as her eyes found those of Cassian coming up from behind her. 

“What’s wrong?” She asked when he got to her, windswept but smiling.

“Nothing's happened,” He said with a reassuring squeeze to her arm. “I have something for you” He explained, eyeing the people passing around them. “Would you come with me?” 

She nodded and followed beside him as he briskly walked away, much faster than he normally would. It certainly didn’t calm her worries, she could see how tense he was whenever she glanced over to him as they walked. His eyes remained dead ahead, but he was clenching his jaw so hard that the muscles of it kept jumping (was he nervous?), and he kept alternating his hands being in and out of his pockets. 

He guided her to his small office in the intelligence building for some privacy, letting the darkness engulf them before he found the light panel on the wall, and when the room was finally bathed in light she found his usually pristine office was looking more like a mechanic’s shop. His desk had the keypads shoved to the side, letting the rest of the space be overtaken with scraps and wires, with well loved tools and a handful of half-drunk cups of caf added into the mix. Pushed against the wall were the parts to a KX-series droid they had salvaged a week ago in the beginning stages of being repaired, in the hopes of one day uploading K2SO’s backup data into it. 

When she finally looked back up at Cassian he was staring at her with a nervousness she was not used to seeing from him, his lips pressed hard together and his brow furrowed as he watched her. The fact that he was letting her see him this way in the first place made her chest tighten, what was going on?  

He reached into the pocket he had been fiddling with on the way, hand reappearing fisted around something with a strand dangling out of it. He took her hand with his other, briefly brushing the back of her fingers with his own before he brought it up between them so he could place the gift in her palm. She stared down at their hands and the gift laying within them, trying to make sense of what she was seeing. 

It was her kyber crystal. 

She hadn't been able to wear it since Scarif. The strings that had wrapped it around her neck had disintegrated in the heat that took her hair and burnt her skin. It was just by chance that the crystal itself fell into her clothes and stayed close to her as they were transported, and the medics had shoved anything worth saving into a bag for when she woke. 

She could practically feel Chirrut saying it was because of the force. 

Now it was secured by a beautiful dark thread to be worn once again around her neck. The strand itself was made out of a beast or animal's leather, thick enough it shouldn't break if someone yanked on it in a fight, but still thin enough it wasn't obvious she was wearing it under her clothes. 

“How did you…?”

“Shar'vida let me into your room” He said sheepishly, looking at her from under the mop of hair that had fallen over his face while he looked down at her.

"She what?" Jyn bristled, glaring at him and moving towards the door, readying herself to give her roommate a piece of her mind. 

He put a hand on her arm to stop her. "Jyn, she only let me in because it was me"

She bit down hard on her lip. She supposed that was fair, all three of her bunkmates gave her grief about Cassian and their supposed relationship. At first she had been defensive, shutting them all out and becoming hostile whenever they spoke about them, until she realised it was because they actually liked her, and did the same to others - she wasn't used to a group that joked like this, with no ulterior motives to get information or a one-up like it had been when she was with Saw. 

She never told Cassian about the jokes, but he must have picked up on it. On days he walked with her to her room the others would greet Cassian with a smirk, calling for Jyn to come play cards instead of spending all this time with ‘her Captain’ in a teasing tone before she could get the door shut. 

"You still reach for it, so i wanted to fix it for you," he continued. "I picked the thread because of how strong it is. It won't break easily."

"Cassian," she uttered quietly, so soft he barely heard it. 

She didn’t know what to say. Nobody had ever done something this kind for her before, just because they could - because they had noticed that any time she was nervous, or bored, or even in moments of happiness she reached for it. It hurt her heart every time she realised it wasn’t there anymore. She hadn’t fixed it herself - the last person who had tied knots over it was her mother, and doing something like that herself made her miss Lyra more than she could take.

She clutched it close to her chest, taking a deep breath to keep her composure. Now another important person in her life was tangled into the necklace that sat by her heart “Thank you” 

He offered his hand out to her, nodding towards the necklace in her hand when she looked at him in confusion. 

“I can tie it,” He explained. “If you wanted to wear it” 

She handed the necklace to Cassian and turned around, letting tears well in her eyes when he wasn't looking at her face. 

His fingers brushed against her neck, causing bumps to erupt over her skin at the warmth of his touch. She waited until he stepped away from her before she spoke, worried that the waver in her voice would give her away. 

"My mother gave this to me," She said, turning to him so he could see how much it truly meant to her. "it's the only thing I have left of her. Of either of them"

"You also have their bravery" He continued for her, a hand reaching out to pick the crystal off her chest and rubbing his thumb over it, never letting his eyes leave hers. "Their resilience, their heart"

She felt herself coming apart at the edges and shook her head "Stop" 

"Alright” He said quietly, letting the pendant fall back against her chest. “But it’s all true, I hope you know that” 

She didn’t trust herself to say anything more, she couldn’t look away from him - it was too overwhelming. 

Cassian must have sensed it, he finally turned and nodded to the droid. “Would you like to see how he’s coming along?” 

“No” She croaked out, but took a step towards him anyway as Cassian let out a soft laugh “The sooner he’s up and running the sooner he’ll be pissing me off” 

Cassian got that damned droid up and running far sooner than either of them thought. They had been lucky when they had raided an old Imperial outpost and found him, with almost all his parts still in reasonable order - it only took a few weeks of modifying components for the upload to begin. 

The last time K2SO had been backed up was before Jyn arrived, so things were right back to where they started with how Kay felt about her, even if Cassian had let him know that no, Jyn wasn’t going to be a threat to Cassian’s wellbeing (far from it), and no, Jyn wasn’t going to shoot him (she was still on the fence about that, but Cassian seemed hopeful). Even after Kay downloaded the briefing for Scarif, along with the lead up and aftermath, he still found any reason to keep Jyn at arm’s length from Cassian.

It was a difficult task for the droid - he was often kept on base while Jyn and Cassian went on missions he wasn’t required for, protesting that Jyn wasn’t even officially an Intelligence officer, but higher ups knew better than to separate the two on missions now unless they had to. 

But now, as Jyn paced around the hangar impatiently, Cassian was being sent out on key missions with Kay. They had been gone a week now, moving larger and heavier supplies to the planet Hoth that required the droid to lift them. There was no point sending both Cassian and Jyn when neither of them could carry them, and Jyn was under no circumstances going alone with Kay - so she was left on base. And she hated it.

She had received the alert that Cassian and Kay were landing, so she had bolted from where she was helping Bodhi sort out an old box of parts to the hangar. She wanted to make sure that Cassian was alright after being gone for a week - the two having stayed in Hoth so they could report back to Command on the progress being made - that his leg and back held up alright. 

And maybe she missed him. A little bit.

She hadn’t realised how tense she was until she saw their ship come into view and her shoulders finally relaxed, and when it landed she moved quickly to the opening ramp below the ship, trying not to look like she was over eager to anyone looking - not that it really mattered to her. The rumour mill was strong in the Rebellion, and the daughter of a Imperial scientist barging in to steal the Death Star plans and ultimately stuck herself to the side of the Rebellion’s top spy caused the biggest stir they’d seen in a long while (Until Leia and Han started screaming matches in the halls at all hours). She knew the teasing spread outside that of her bunkmates, it had got to the point even Cassian mentioned things he had heard.

It took him a few minutes to appear at the top of the ramp, and she didn’t miss the way his smile widened the moment he saw her. He made his way to her quickly then, looking her over the same way she did to him, making sure the other was still in one piece. 

They were only a few feet from one another, more than enough space for it to look completely innocent to any of the onlookers around. She watched as his hands flexed at his sides like he wanted nothing more than to reach for her before forming into a fist, his eyes staying glued to her as though he was making up for the last two weeks of not taking her in.  

"Careful Captain" she warned as she heard Bodhi call out to Cassian in greeting and the sound of his boots moving quickly towards them. "People might realise you missed me" 

The look he gave her expressed so much warmth she was sure anybody looking towards them would start spreading more stupid rumours about them. Especially when he said with a smile;

"I did miss you" 

It was such an honest statement that it jarred Jyn into silence, and she turned her head away to hide how pleased she was just to hear that he missed her just as she missed him. She tucked a large piece of hair behind her ear that had fallen lose, it was just the right length now that it mostly all fit back in a bun without the scarf she had been using the last months to keep it out of her face, letting the side of her face finally be seen. 

Cassian had still been looking at her over the shoulder of Bodhi as the pilot greeted him with a hug, and his eyes turned dark as she moved her hair before he gave her a hard look. He let go of Bodhi and moved right into her space. 

"Come with me" His tone has flipped completely, anger bubbling under the surface as he turned and walked back onto the ship. She and Bodhi shared a confused look, and she had no choice but to follow him.

Cassian was talking to Kay when she caught up to him "Can you leave us for a moment?" he said, less of a request and far more a demand.

"I have not finished the standard shut down procedure-"

"Kay" he snapped loudly. K2 looked between Cassian and Jyn, the whirring of his optical sensors the only sound in the tense silence of the ship. 

"Fine" Kay relented, but he did not sound happy about it in the least.

She thought he was about to yell at her, but he has quite literally just arrived back on base so she couldn't have pissed him off that quickly. 

At least, she didn't think so. 

But the moment K2 was off the ship and they were alone he hooked a finger under her chin, guiding her face up so he could look at the side of her head. 

"What happened?" He was still angry, it was practically vibrating off him, but his touch was soft "You haven't been on a mission, this happened here" 

Oh. The stitches. 

Jyn clenched her jaw, her face devoid of the previous ease she was feeling.

"It's fine," She said, her body tense. "It was a misunderstanding"

"Jyn”

"Someone was talking shit about Bodhi" She snapped out, he wasn’t going to let it go until she told him. "So I shut him up, but he got a hit in"

"Who was it?" 

"What difference will it make?" She asked. "I put him in the infirmary, and I got my ass handed to me by Draven. It's fine"

His fingers traced along her skin just below the injury. It was only two stitches right at her hairline, barely anything, and if it had been up to her she wouldn't even have them to begin with. But Bodhi was insistent when it hadn't stopped bleeding after an hour that she got it fixed up properly. 

"Why do you always do this when I'm not here?" He asked, his lips twitching fondly as his fingers traced a line down her cheek. Her stomach flipped.

"Because you'd stop me" She said, her tone softer. 

He hummed in agreement, eyes tracing the same path his fingers had taken. 

"Are you two finished arguing?" K2 asked loudly from outside. "I would like to continue the shut down procedure" 

Jyn stood by every previous statement she had ever made. Hoth was the worst planet she had ever been to. 

And now she had to bloody live there.

Jyn sat in her bunk in just her dark thermals, curtains drawn for the illusion of privacy as she read from her data pad about the scouting mission she and Bodhi were off to in the coming days. She enjoyed doing these missions with Bodhi, even if it meant that she and Cassian were off on more and more missions apart, but getting to watch Bodhi fly and be in his element was worth every second.

Two of her roommates, Shar'vida and Maro, played cards on the floor beside her while Dotala commentated to Jyn the terrible plays she was missing from the bunk above her. 

Sharing space in a prison was vastly different to sharing with three other Sergeants in the Rebellion, and it had turned out to be…not the worst thing Jyn had experienced. She was shocked how much she enjoyed the company of them - when she had been with Saw as a teenager everyone slept in large rooms with upwards of 20 people. 

She had made friends, of course, but making friends in the rebellion was starkly different. With Saw there was always competition to be the best, but here there was little of that. Everyone had a job to do, had their own missions and standards, so it made for a more relaxed downtime. 

They loved to tease each other, and it took Jyn a long time to get used to that. Whether it was about each other's love lives (she had learnt to live with the fact they called Cassian ‘her captain’ in every conversation about him), how terrible Maro was at hand to hand combat (but he was phenomenal with a blaster) or the simple day to day jabs that Jyn had grown fond of. 

It was rare that all four of them were there at the same time, from missions to patrols; it caused at least one bed to be vacant every night. 

Jyn spent the most nights away, usually with Bodhi when his nightmares were too much for him. She and Cassian took turns staying with him when he was going through a bad period - the had a private comm line set up so Bodhi felt safe to let them know when he needed them, and they would be there without question or judgement.  

Bodhi had shared a room with three others, just like she was now, when he was first cleared to join the rebellion. His nightmares and flashbacks from what Saw had done to him began to cause complaints among his bunkmates, one even going as far to spread rumours about Bodhi being a double agent to try and get him discharged. 

When Jyn had found this out she went straight to the man, though from the look of his bloodied face someone had beaten her to it. During dinner that night she saw the tell-tale bruises on Cassian's hand she had seen on her own more times than she could count. He pointedly refused to comment on them whenever anyone asked, but they shared a look that confirmed to Jyn everything she needed to know. 

A hard knock on the door interrupted the otherwise calm night (unless Maro was shouting about how Shar’vida was a cheat - which she was), causing the room to fall silent while Dotala jumped off their bunk to answer it. 

"Jyn, it's for you" they said, poking their head through the bottom of the curtain.

Jyn ripped the curtain across the other side, moving out of her bed and looking at the door to find-

"Kay?"

K2 turned from the door and began to walk down the hall without so much as a greeting "Follow me" 

Her roommates watched on with concern as she shoved her feet into her boots, not bothering to lace them and fled from the room to catch up with the droid. 

They were headed the opposite way of the infirmary, so Cassian couldn't be injured. Though she supposed if he were dead he wouldn't be taken there anyway.  

They had been gone a day longer than anticipated, and even though Cassian had sent her through a personal message on her datapad that he was alright and they had just run into some mechanical trouble it still put her on edge.

"Where's Cassian?" 

"In his quarters" 

Ok. Good. 

"When did you get back?"

"Fifteen minutes ago" there was a pause "Please refrain from any further questions until we reach Cassian's room"

K2 stopped abruptly once they reached the living quarters at the back of the base, putting a code into one of the panels, pointedly angling himself so Jyn wouldn’t be able to see it. When the door opened she was relieved to see a very much alive Cassian sitting shirtless on his bed, dirty and tired, trying to twist around to put pressure onto a wound over the back of his hip. He dropped the cloth as the door opened, his surprise turning to half hearted anger. 

"Kay I specifically told you not to get Jyn"

K2 made a noise suspiciously close to a hmph as he straightened up. "I must have misheard you, I will go to the droid repair station to see if anything can be done"

Jyn suppressed a smile as the door slid closed behind her with K2 on the other side, Cassian's mumbled curses increasing as he picked up the cloth off his bed and pressed it against his back once more. 

She took a look around the small room of his quarters - she had never been so much as glanced in it before. He always walked to her quarters first if they were parting, seeing as it was closer to both the exit to the hangars and the command centre - there was never a good enough excuse for her to be down here. 

As a Captain he was provided with a private quarters, so only a single bunk was pushed to the side of the room, which looks significantly larger than her own measly sized bunk. There were two maps up on the wall above his small desk, one of a portion of the Mid Rim, the other an overview of the Outer Rim planets. The desk itself was covered in files, two datapads and few actual books. She hadn’t seen a bound book for years, most reading was done on datapads these days and they were a nightmare to travel with. 

There were two large blue blankets folded on his bed that looked well loved and perfect for the frigid nights on Hoth, shoes lined up next to a standing cupboard that had his jacket hanging off it, and even a few sacks of caf beans sitting on a box beside the bed. 

She wasn’t sure what she was expecting by his room - maybe a blank canvas, a place void of personality to fit with the mysterious spy attitude he had going on - but this space was well lived in and loved, despite only being on this base for a few months. 

And there was a door to what she can only assume was a private ‘fresher. She might actually hate him, just a little bit. 

Her focus went back to Cassian, who had moved the cloth he had pressed against him to reveal a large gash that was still actively bleeding.

She walked to him with a frown on her face, her eyebrows knotting in concern "Let me see it" she demanded. 

She sat down beside him on the bed, looking over his whole back for any other injuries that he may be omitting. It only looked like the gash, joining the littering of other marks on his back from years ago to the burns from Scarif that the bacta never fully healed. 

"It's nothing" he said stubbornly "I'm fine"

She wasn't going to take any of that attitude and snatched the bloodied cloth out of his hand. “Cassian” 

"It's from a knife" 

He had the audacity to look sheepish. She knew he was simply trying to put her at ease, but she’d had enough of her own injuries just like this to know how quickly they could get infected if they were not seen to properly. 

"You should go see a med droid, at least"

He shook his head. "No. They're busy enough as it is" 

Jyn's frown deepened as she looked at the first aid kit Cassian had opened on the bed. 

"Do you have thread in that pack?" She finally asked with a sigh. "And a needle?" 

He hesitated only briefly, finally picking up the open casing and looking through until he found what they needed. It certainly wasn’t the quality he needed, but if he was going to be a stubborn asshole about it, this was just how it was going to be. He reached down to the pack on the floor and pulled out a lighter, the movement causing another rush of blood that she had to put pressure on, before he handed her everything she needed and took over the rag. 

“Do you want to shower before or after I do this?” She asked as she flicked his lighter on, waving the needle through the flame and getting the thread ready to go. 

“After” he decided with a sigh, handing her a bottle of antiseptic to put on before she started. 

Jyn hadn’t done this since she had to stitch herself up after her leg was slashed by shards of glass when she was 17. The glass had once been in a window, which she had broken and jumped out of, so she supposed she deserved it. Stitching up another person was a whole other story though. 

"Stop tensing" 

He took a deep breath and relaxed his muscles, letting her start on the first stitch. He would seize up every time he felt the needle touch his skin, and she mentally cursed him for being such an idiot and letting her do this without even a drop of a painkiller. 

To distract him her fingers brush against a scar on his shoulder blade. It was an odd shape, zigzagged and deeper in some places than in others, it looked like it had been there for a while. 

"What kind of knife did this one?"

He hesitated to answer, and Jyn was worried she overstepped some invisible line. It took him a moment before he finally spoke "One for slicing bread at a bake house" 

He was blushing, Jyn suddenly realised with elation when she peered over his shoulder to see why he had spoken so oddly. She had never seen him do that  - it was a reaction she didn't think he was even capable of. She had to bite back her grin when she went back to her task. 

He seemed to realise he'd opened a small floodgate and continued on "I was only eighteen, I had been seeing someone and, ah-" he said, clearing his throat and looking at her over his shoulder with a sheepish smile "Her husband was not happy about that"

When his eyes meet hers he could see how delighted she was "Cassian!" 

"Yes, well" He said, she could see his lips twitching as he turned back to face the opposite wall "Maarva was less than pleased too, she stitched me up herself and was far less careful than you are being. That was likely on purpose"

She hadn't heard that name before, even with the small amount of opening up they've both done there are still galaxies of the untold past between them. She wanted to push, even slightly, to see if she could "Maarva?"

He paused for a long moment, all traces of playfulness gone. "My mother," he said quietly. "Not my- though that really doesn't matter - she took me in, like Saw did for you"

She snorted at the thought, trying to put him at ease. He never spoke to her about anything that happened before the Rebellion. "Hope not, he wouldn't have stitched me up"

"You wouldn't have been sleeping with his friend's wife"

"I wouldn't have got caught"

It got a laugh out of him finally, but Jyn had to poke him to stop him from moving and pulling on the suture she was trying to knot. 

"Did you do that a lot?" 

He hummed in confirmation, and didn't seem at all embarrassed about this aspect of his life. "I did, much to Ma's disapproval. But I haven't been like that for a long time" he said, pausing to choose his words carefully. "Since you arrived"

She sat in silence, concentrating on her slow knots as she mulled his confession over. 

She wasn't one to judge people's sexual conquests, she had a fair few of her own, but at least she had the mind to make sure there were no wives or husbands that would be after her when it was all said and done. 

And he had stopped that life when she came into the picture. The realisation that he was waiting, perhaps, for her to be ready made her hands stutter against him. 

Her thoughts were interrupted when Cassian shifted in pain. She had accidentally poked through the skin deeper than she meant to, so she mumbled an apology and tried to keep her mind on the task. 

"It's good to see you making friends on base" He said with his tone light - too light for a man getting stuck with a needle and no pain relief. Her eyes stared at his back, watching as his shoulder started to flex, meaning that he was clenching his hands in front of him - his only nervous tell. "Have you met anyone….interesting?"

Jyn almost laughed. For a renowned spy this man had absolutely no tact. If he wanted to know if she was sleeping with anyone he could just ask like a normal person. They also spent all the time he was on base together, whether it was just the two of them or with their ever growing group, when would she have had the time?

"I don't have time for any of that" She said with a sigh, but couldn’t help the smirk on her face, one she was glad he couldn't see. "I’m too busy stitching up stubborn Captains who refuse to go to the infirmary to be in someone else's bed"

He relaxed his shoulders - finally - and she swore he sighed in relief, but it could also be attributed to her tying off the final stitch rougher than she should have, just to prove her point. 

She tapped his back and let him know that she was done and to test how it was by twisting and moving around. Once she deemed it unlikely to burst open any time soon she put a waterproof pad with bacta over it, crossing her fingers it wouldn’t get infected. 

He stood and held a hand out to her to help as she got to her feet, shivering at the cold of the room. If she was cold he must be freezing now with just his cargo pants on. She paused, realising just how close he was standing to her now. 

She was acutely aware that he was standing before her shirtless. She looked him over unashamed, gaze trailing along scattering of hair that had regrown on his chest and disappeared further down than she was willing to look. She was impressed at the firm muscles he had been working so hard on since losing much of his mass when he was injured. He was doing a good job getting back to his peak fitness too, and she hummed in appreciation. 

He let out a soft laugh, one she would have missed if he hadn’t been standing so close to her "Thank you" 

"You need to shower" she said finally as her eyes found their way back to his. "You look like shit"

A smile spread across Cassian's face and he rolled his eyes, though he seemed to be a bit flushed. From the pain and the cold, surely? "Fine" he said as he walked towards the thin door. He paused for a moment, looking back over at her. “I appreciate this Jyn, wait for me?” 

She was planning to hijack one of those large blankets anyway, might as well be here wrapped in it for a while and catch up "Got nowhere else to be"

A fact Jyn had learnt quickly living on base was that Rebels loved a good celebration.

It was like being hit with a wall made out of noise the moment she walked into one of the large hangars, where it was joyfully alive with music and laughter with what looked like entire fleets of partygoers. A large group on a set of strategically placed crates that acted as a stage with mismatching instruments in hand who had stopped to argue about what to play next. Amongst the ships still parked inside there were huddles of soldiers handing out cups of drinks, and even more dancing along when the band began to finally play once more.  

She knew Cassian was going to be somewhere in there, he'd mentioned that earlier in the day with the nonchalance of a Wampa. She wasn't originally planning to come, she had been excited at the prospect of having her four-person room to herself for the first time, but she couldn't deny the look on his face. Plus Bodhi had come and dragged her out of her room a few minutes before, so there wasn't much choice regardless. 

Bodhi had broken off from her before they had even reached the hangar, being pulled in by a group of his pilot friends in one of the halls to play some sabbac before going in. He gave her an apologetic smile, but she laughed him off and kept going on alone. 

She looked around the room and saw Cassian sitting on a crate with a drink in hand beside Shara Bey, Bodhi's team leader, who smiled wide and raised her own drink in her direction when she caught her eye. 

Jyn nodded in return, continuing off in search of a drink now that she had located someone she knew. 

When she reached them Shara was jumping to her feet as Cassian began to weakly protest at her. 

"Jyn, can you hold his drink? He owes me a dance" Shara said, snatching Cassian's half filled glass away and shoving it towards her. Jyn grinned at his pleading look, taking the glass with an exaggerated flourish and pulled him to his feet with the other. He grabbed her hand back in return, holding onto it even as he was standing, leaning close to her so he would be heard over the chaos. 

"I will get you back for this”

“I’m sure you will”

Shara let out a laugh as she tugged him away. "You'll be back to your girl soon enough, Andor"

Jyn watched as Cassian spun Shara and held her close, talking and laughing as Jyn took a swing out of Cassian's cup. She enjoyed watching his interactions with others, he was a man she had thought was an outsider when she first met him - but time and time again he proved her wrong. He was well loved by so many on base, it was likely why so many followed his lead to go against orders on Scarif. If he had truly been a recluse, they would have been on their own.

Watching him relax like this warmed her heart. He had gone through so much pain since they were injured on that beach, gone through so much physical therapy to get to where he was now, seeing him be able to move the way he did was a testament to the Rebellion's doctors. 

And seeing how well he danced? Well, that was as big of a treat for Jyn than anything else. 

Jyn herself hated dancing - not that she’d had much of an opportunity for it in her life. She wasn't a graceful person to begin with, so it had always made her uncomfortable. She preferred to watch people from a distance as they enjoyed what little downtime they had. How they acted when their inhibitions were down showed a lot about a person, and it always proved good for bribery later on. 

Shara was eventually plucked out of Cassian's arms by another man, who patted him on the shoulder in greeting with a large grin. Jyn vaguely recognised him as one of the Pathfinders who always made sure to greet her with a smile when she passed him in the halls - Dameron, maybe?

Cassian and the man spoke for a few moments, only stopping when Shara shoved Cassian away goodnaturedly with a nod in Jyn's direction and took the other man to the floor. 

Jyn watched as Cassian's face began to flush at whatever was said, walking briskly back to her with a smile set on his face. 

He sat down heavily next to her, their thighs pressed together despite the excess space beside him and took back his drink. He eyed it, and his suspicions turned on her when he realised that some was missing. She had to bite her lip to stop herself from laughing. 

"Going to dance?" He asked quickly. He was very adamantly not looking at her face after that move. 

Jyn shook her head. "No, but it looked like you had fun"

"People needed this" He said with a nod. "Even I enjoy a party once in a while"

Jyn smiled at him, but he was still looking out into the sea of dancers and fiddling with the cup in his hand. She tapped his thigh, still warmly pressed against hers. 

"I need some air," she said, standing and looking down at him. "You coming?" 

Getting some air on a planet like Hoth really meant going down an empty hallway off the hangar. They could still hear the steady beat of the music alongside the laughter and singing from inside, but it was nicely dulled by metal walls and the thick padding of ice. 

"When I was young I had nights like this often" He said when they stopped, leaning his arm against the cool wall. Jyn took her spot next to him, close enough that when she crossed her arms her elbow was pressing into him.  

"Were you with the Rebellion?" She asked. 

His smile turned sad. "No, when I lived on Ferrix, I had some good friends there"

"Do you ever think about going back?"

He shook his head, looking down at her with a wistful smile. "There's nothing to go back to. My home is here, with you"

Jyn was struck with the realisation seconds before the world around her slowed down. He welcomed her home, here to the Rebellion, so long ago now - but she knew that if he wasn't there with it she would be following him in a heartbeat. And time and time again he showed her he would do the very same. 

He reached out to her, taking her hand to tug lightly at it to urge her to unfold her arms and turn her body to face him. She went to him slowly, letting herself be pulled against him so they were pressed chest to chest. One of his hands stayed securely in hers, and she let her other hand fiddle with the opening of his jacket.

He was looking at her mouth, she realised with a start. Without thinking, she wet her lower lip with her tongue at just the thought of what might be coming next. His eyes followed the movement and he took a sharp breath in, hand tightening almost painfully over hers. 

He was pressed against her, surrounding her with his scent and warmth. She could feel his muscles moving against her as he adjusted his feet and moved a hand to the side of her neck. She tilted her head up to invite him in, to give him the permission he needed, heart hammering against her chest as green eyes met brown in a reflection of want and need. 

A shout caused them to turn their focus sharply down the hall towards the party, but they didn’t make any attempt to step apart from one another. It took a beat to realise it was a sound of celebration, not of panic, but it had broken the bubble they were in. 

He sighed into her hair and held onto her for a moment longer, trying to keep the intimacy for as long as they could before he took a step away from her. 

She leaned back against the wall, for the first time thanking this damn base for being so cold, and let her head loll on the wall to look at him with a disappointed smile - one that was mirrored on his own face. 

Someone called for him then, and that was the end of it. He gave her hand a last squeeze and then he was gone in a blink, like he had never been there at all. 

She only considered running once. 

Rumours had been spreading for weeks that the Empire were doing something big. 

The confirmation came from a source they had inside the Empire of a second deadly weapon, and when news broke from the Command room, it was followed by a stunned moment of silence before all hell broke loose. 

Jyn's heart pounded hard against her chest as she stumbled out of the briefing room. A few eyes followed her, but everyone was so caught up in their own anguish they paid her no more mind than that. 

She made a dash down the hall towards her room, the halls feeling like they were closing in on her as she ran past the blissfully unaware soldiers. 

It had all been for nothing. Her father's work, his sacrifice, all of those who perished on Scarif because of her. Cassian's horrific injuries, the burns that still marked her body. Bodhi's trauma, Chirrut and Baze. It was for nothing. 

She slammed into her door when she reached it, her body shocked by the cool metal after having broken out in a sweat on the way. She could barely enter the code, she tried twice before the door opened and she could rush to her small cupboard. 

She grabbed her pack, shoving as much as she could into it in terms of clothes before turning to the shelf in her bunk that held more of her sentimental items. She didn't think past the point of getting the fuck out of there with what was important (extra socks she stole from Cassian, knife that Baze had sent her, comm that was connected directly to Bodhi's for emergencies), she needed to find someone with a ship that wouldn't say she left right away. It was better, nobody else would die because of her if she was gone. 

It felt like she was underwater - the whooshing in her ears was making it hard to focus - her chest was so tight she was struggling to breath - but she couldn't stop, she needed to concentrate. 

The door behind her opened again and she spun in a panic, hoping that her bunkmates would just look the other way and ignore her. 

But there stood Cassian, looking as stricken from the news as she felt. 

"I can't-" she choked out. "I have to go, it's too-" 

His arms were around her, holding her body close to his. She hadn't realised she'd been shaking until she was trembling against him. 

She gripped onto his shirt so forcefully she realised she might have ripped a hole in it, but all she felt was him kissing the side of her head as he tightened his hold on her. 

"I'm right here" he murmured into ear. "I've got you"

He didn't try to tell her it would all be okay, or that everything was fine. It wasn't - more people were surely going to die, and this time the Empire knew that there could be weaknesses and to protect more, to fight back harder. 

"Follow my breathing" 

What was he talking about? 

He put his hand gently on the back of her head, pressing her into his chest so she could feel the rise and fall of each breath and the beating of his heart. 

Her eyes closed and she let her arms slip around him in a hug. She was faintly aware that she hadn't held him like this since being on that beach, and the mere thought of that now being a possibility again brought on another wave of panic. 

"Jyn," his voice broke through. "Follow me"

He took a more exaggerated breath, deep and slow, so she humoured him and followed suit. It was difficult - she was still shaking in his arms, and her thoughts kept returning to a closing in horizon and sharp, blinding pain - but Cassian just held her tight and refused to let go. 

"How are you feeling?" He asked after a few long minutes. She had stopped shaking, and the panic in her chest was slowly being replaced with the warmth coming from him wrapped around her. 

"It was all for nothing" She muttered against his chest. He let out a sigh. 

"No it wasn't," he said carefully. "We beat them then, and we'll beat them now" 

She couldn't think of anything to say. Maybe he was right, but he couldn’t possibly know what this meant for the Rebellion. 

She just felt sick now, the panic having left a hollow feeling in her chest that exhausted her. She pressed her face into neck and took a deep breath - he always smelled like oil and soap, and she smiled into his skin at how familiar it felt. 

They stood there until Shar’vida returned, stuttering out an apology for the interruption until Cassian said. “We were just about to go, you don’t need to apologise”

He ushered Jyn from the room, Shar’vida raising a teasing eyebrow at her as she closed the door. Jyn couldn’t help but smile, no matter what was to come she had people who cared about her, and they would get through it all together. 

Jyn hated when Cassian went off on missions without her. Not having the backup of your partner could throw even the best soldier off their game - and there was barely any contact that could happen if Cassian was doing infiltration 

It was apparently obvious to those around her when Cassian was gone too. One day when she was helping Bodhi and Han do some re-wiring of the Millennium Falcon. She was a natural with electronics like this, it helped when she was slicing into systems, and Han had jumped at the chance for her to 'work her magic' on his ship. 

"How long until Cassian gets back?" Bodhi asked when she threw a screwdriver hard at the floor when she got a small shock. 

She glared at him. "No-one's supposed to know he's gone"

Bodhi coughed a laugh and shared a look at Han over her shoulder. The older man snorted. 

"The two of you go slammin' around the base, your attitudes get worse than Leia on a good day" 

She spun, sneering at him. "I'll let her know you said that, then" 

He held a hand up in surrender, but was still snickering with Bodhi when she picked the screwdriver up. He was lucky, the sound of someone running up the ramp into the ship saved Jyn from stabbing him with it when she stood. 

Melshi appeared through the doorway, looking at Jyn with relief. 

"Cass is back" He said, "He asked for you"

Panic flared in her stomach, why didn't he come find her himself?

"Is he alright?" Bodhi asked for her, setting his own tools down on the cart beside him. 

Melshi hesitated to answer, causing Jyn to start quickly heading towards the door. She paused beside him "Is he in the infirmary?" 

He shook his head "His room" he said, which eased some of her anxiety. He was already turning to Bodhi to shake his head, a silent signal that it was just Jyn that was needed. 

She tried not to rush down the halls, but the probabilities of what could be wrong resulted in her running the last few corners until she reached his room. She put in the code quickly, sliding through the door before it had even opened half way expecting to find the worst. 

Cassian was sitting on the edge of his bed, and from how he jumped up he must have had his head in his hands just a moment before. 

"What happened?" She asked, kneeling in front of him while she looked him over for any sign of injury. He had dark bags under his eyes, those of which were bloodshot and glazed. 

He didn't have any blood on him, at least. 

He shook his head. "I'm fine" he said quietly, he sounded exhausted.

"Then why didn't you come tell me you were back? Why send Melshi if you were fine" she snapped. She didn't mean to, but he looked like shit and wasn't going to stand idle when he was like this. 

He rubbed both hands over his face, scratching at the stubble there and staring at the wall behind her.

She put both of her hands on his thighs, squeezing to get his attention. "What happened?"

"I was trying to help someone get out" he said, a hand coming down to cover one of hers. "She wouldn't have even been 12" 

He didn't have to say anymore, the mission had obviously been unsuccessful. They had fewer of them these days, but it never stopped it from weighing on them when it all went south. 

But usually there weren't kids involved. 

She took a breath and stood up just as a beep rang through the base to alert everyone that dinner was ready in the mess hall. She eyed him - he was pale as could be, he clearly hadn't been eating on the trip back. 

"I'll go get us some food, I'll bring it back here"

He shook his head. "Don't worry about me" 

She sighed through her nose, "Well I'm hungry. And I'm going to bring us both something back, and if you don't eat it I will" 

The smile he gave her was strained but thankful. She hesitated for only a moment before she put a hand to his cheek, his coming up to cover it right away and moving to press a kiss to her palm. 

"Thank you"

She dodged Bodhi's questioning and got in and out of the mess hall with two portions of meals in record time, having simply jumped the line despite many protests. One look from her silenced anyone who was going to press her on it, and the cooks were more than happy to get her gone as soon as they could. 

She got him to eat a few bites, but he spent most of the time staring into space or watching her as she sat at his desk, a blanket wrapped around her in the cool night. He asked what she had done in the five days he'd been gone, and she was thrilled to be able to fill the tense silence with the story of a mass search party heading out to find her bunkmate Dotala, who was thought to have gone missing on patrol, but had just forgotten to check back in and gone off to drink with their current fling and spent the night getting warm with them instead. 

He still looked like a shell of the man he usually was, he looked so physically and mentally tired that Jyn was worried to leave him alone the later it got. She was just about to suggest he try to go to sleep when he he asked;

"Can you stay?" 

She almost collapsed in relief that she hadn’t been the one to suggest it, and instead of responding she just stood and unlace her boots, kicking them off near the door and turning back to him. 

Cassian watched her every step, hands on his knees in tight fists. She could tell it was hard for him to ask for help, especially for something as vulnerable as problems sleeping, but she pushed forward, shucking off her jacket, jumper, and cargo pants. 

She was left in standard-issued thermal pants tucked into her thick socks and a short sleeved shirt that left goosebumps on her bare arms. She reached under and pulled her breast band off without exposing herself, and she was certain Cassian was holding his breath now with the flush that rose up his neck. She smirked at him as she threw the band on top of her other clothes, picking the blanket she had been using up to wrap herself in again. 

She eyed him "You going to sleep in that?"

It jolted Cassian into action, causing him to stand and walk past her with his eyes staring over her head. She couldn’t help but smile to herself as she sat where he had been, pulling the blanket tighter around her. 

He opened the locker across from the bed, pulling his shirt off with one hand by the back of the neck. She didn’t look away and let her eyes travel over the plain of his back, watching the muscles move as he pulled a softer long sleeved shirt over them. The scar from the wound she had sutured disappeared under the fabric, hiding the naked skin from her gaze. Even still, a heat rushed through her and she immediately tried to shut it down. This was far from the appropriate time.

It didn't help matters when he looked over his shoulder at her, the side of his lip coming up as he raised a knowing eyebrow. Damn him. 

Jyn hadn't shared a bed with someone in the most innocent of sense in years. When it was her turn to stay with Bodhi during his bad nights, she never closed her eyes, too worried he would have a nightmare and she wouldn’t be able to wake him up before it got too bad. It took months for her to get used to sleeping in the same room as three others, she would sleep fully clothed for weeks just in case, and every minor noise would jolt her awake. It was better now, she could sleep in comfortable clothes without anxiety ripping through her, but the noises still set her on edge.  

When she took people to a bed for sex, she was not letting them stay longer than she had to. She wasn’t stupid. 

Jyn never let anyone sleep between her and the closest door, but she knew Cassian needed to feel relaxed and safe enough to shut his eyes. She was going to stay awake regardless, like they both did when they were looking over Bodhi, and she knew the Captain would sleep better with a quick exit laid out just like she would. 

She watched Cassian filter to and from the ‘fresher as he got ready for bed, throwing her an extra pair of thick socks for the night as he got another pair for himself. She shifted against the wall, moving a pillow behind her back so she wasn’t pressed right against the cool metal and propped her datapad on her knees. Once his blaster was placed next to her knife beside the bed he carefully lowered himself under the blankets, his back to her and as much space between them as he could manage without falling off the bunk. 

She waited for him to look at her, to say something. Instead he stayed stubbornly in place, rocking ever so slightly from how uncomfortable his back must be. This man was going to be the death of her sanity, she was sure of it. 

She grabbed Cassian's shoulder tight enough to know she wasn’t going to let up, encouraging him to roll onto his back, pressing right up against her side. He blinked up at her in annoyance.

"It's better for your back" was all she said. 

He closed his eyes and folded his hands on his stomach in the way she often saw him sleeping on board their ship during missions. She couldn't help but roll her eyes, he was just as stubborn as her, but at least he listened. She pulled all the blankets up to cover him to his neck, but low enough for her that she could still do some write ups on her datapad. 

"You better not snore, I still have work to do"

"Should've done it earlier" He muttered, the corners of his mouth twitching. 

Jyn let out a huff and shoved at his chest, earning herself a proper smile from him. She watched it stay on his face until his breathing finally evened out as sleep finally took him. She tried to stay awake all night, watching over him with her hand resting on his chest under the blankets, occasionally rubbing in circles over the soft fabric just like her mother did to her as a child.  

She must have fallen asleep at some point in the early hours of the morning, her datapad having found a new home stuck between the wall and thin mattress beside her, and her neck was absolutely killing her.

When she looked beside her she found Cassian gone, and it unnerved her that she hadn't been woken at all by his movements or noise. She had never been one to sleep soundly, even as a child, the risk had always been too great to be so vulnerable. 

The space beside her was still warm to the touch, and the blankets were now tucked right around her. She took a moment to lay in the warm space he had occupied, taking a deep breath savouring the feeling for a little longer before she had to get ready for the day. 

She took her chance to look around the room from her spot, and saw her shoes were now set by the door in neat order, along with her clothes folded on his desk. She couldn't help but roll her eyes while she pushed herself up to get ready for the day ahead. 

When Jyn slipped into the war room twenty minutes later, she noted with a frown that despite being crammed in with countless others the space wasn't any warmer than the halls. 

Her eyes found him standing behind Draven while the General gave the morning's briefing to the room. His eyes were downcast at the map projected above the table, following along the map in time with Draven’s explanation of the latest flanking mission. 

It took Cassian a few minutes, he was so engrossed in the map laid out before him he didn't look up from it until Draven moved into his space to get around the table, pointing at a specific area. Eventually he glanced around the room and his gaze met hers. The circles under his eyes were still there, but far less prominent than the night before, and he wasn't near as tense. His face softened for a moment, conveying his gratitude to her. She nodded back, a smile playing on her lips. 

"Andor"

Cassian's eyes snapped to Draven, who was looking at him impatiently. 

"Apologies, sir" and it was back to business. "As you see here, the Empire has a small station within the belt-"

In his youth, Cassian had always followed his heart.

He went into love, fights and quick deals with no thought or care of the outcome, others be damned. Bix had always called him reckless to the point of danger, and it had been the downfall of their teenage romance. It had been that recklessness that had constantly let her down, that ultimately almost killed her. He still held onto that guilt, even when he knew she was safe with Brasso and living their lives without him risking it.  

Since he left his life behind on Ferrix, he followed logic. He forced himself to - it helped him stay alive, helped not to think too hard of his past and everyone he had lost, ensured that nobody else would fall victim to his mistakes. 

Jyn had come into his life right when he needed her to, throwing a spanner right into his thinking and heart. She showed him that taking risks could be worth it, that you could be reckless for good. 

She showed him he could trust his heart again. 

They worked well together on missions, they didn't need to speak to know what the other would do, something he hadn't been able to do with any other partner through his years in the Rebellion - it made them more efficient, more successful. And even when they weren't, they were there to patch each other up without judgement. 

He didn’t know when he fell in love with her, it happened slowly and naturally. When he woke from his coma after Scarif the first thing he saw was her, and from that moment somewhere deep he knew she was part of him for good.

Their latest mission had a few bumps (they only got shot at twice, Jyn had snapped at him when he pointed out she should have taken his lead), but overall went ahead of schedule and they got the information about an underground weapons trade they needed. 

A message from Draven had been waiting when they arrived back on their ship, out of breath and full of adrenaline, letting them know an alert had come through of an Imperial patrol on their regular route back, so they were forced to go around an asteroid belt instead of through it, adding on a good day to their trip back to base. 

Cassian let out a long breath as he shifted the ship into autopilot after setting their new coordinates, letting Kay know to not expect them as early as once thought. He unbuckled himself from his seat just as Jyn did, slouching down in the seat and stretching his bad leg out with a groan. 

He looked over at her and smiled before either could stand. The soft one that he had just for her, the one that was paired with the crinkle around his eyes and relaxing of his shoulders, he hadn’t felt a comfort like this from another person in more than a few lifetimes. 

"How long until we get back now?" she asked, pushing herself out of her seat and walking out to the kitchenette at the back of the main room of the ship. He stood slowly and watched her go, leaning against the entrance to the cockpit as she grabbed a deck of cards off the floor as she went. They hadn't put it away before they left the planet, so it had its own adventure sliding around the room.

“If you had listened to Draven's message-” 

“That’s why you’re the Captain” She pointed out as she jumped up to sit on the small table, holding the cards out in offering to Cassian with a raised eyebrow and a mischievous smirk as her legs dangled back and forth. She knew she was better at cards than him, it was rare he had a win against her. He just enjoyed the time he spent with her, watching her grin and laugh when she beat him was reward enough. 

He had no idea what possessed him, at that moment he pushed himself off the wall and took long, purposeful strides to her. He grabbed the cards from her hand and tossed them onto the table beside her. 

He had been desperately wanting to do this for so long - the urge ramping up within him after trying to kiss her weeks ago during the party on Hoth. There had never been a good time to bring it up, to try again, but he was sure Jyn was on the same page as him. He was so sure of it. 

He stood between her legs while his hands came up to cup her face and neck, angling her so he was looking down at her face. Her hands gripped the edge of the table tightly, causing her knuckles to go white as though she was afraid to reach out and touch him. 

"Is this alright?" He asked quietly, a thumb running over her lower lip distractedly. The last thing he wanted to do was make her uncomfortable, to make her want to run. He hoped beyond anything that he hadn't read the signals wrong - he was a master at reading people, it's what made him a great spy, but Jyn was an outlier that made him question everything in his life in the best possible way. 

Her face broke into a smile, and that was all he needed. 

When he kissed her it felt like the promise he had made to her almost a year ago now, but his home became her the moment she stepped into his life, even if it took him some time to accept it.

Their kisses started hesitant and soft as they tested each other out, hands slowly finding places once out of bounds. Hers found purchase under his jacket, running up and down the lean muscles of his back while he hummed in appreciation. 

She pulled her arms out from around him, pushing him away and following swiftly so she was able to stand and press herself firmly against his chest. He groaned into her at the feeling, letting his guard down completely so he could just enjoy the moment with her fully. 

She smiled against his lips, pulling back to make sure he was alright. He smiled, kissing her temple, her cheek, her jaw, before he kissed her again. It was far more intense this time, all hands and tongues and gasps that made them move towards the wall and pressing her hard against it. She bit at his lower lip in retaliation. 

His jacket hit the floor, her nails raking down the skin of his chest and stomach under his shirt while his fingers dug hard into her hips, pulling her against him to feel exactly how alright he was. 

An alarm from the cockpit ran loudly into the room, and Jyn ripped herself away to frown in its direction. 

"If that's Kay, I'm selling him for parts" 

Cassian let out a breathy laugh and pushed the hair back from his face, watching as Jyn walked over and sat herself down in the pilot seat to read the message out to him. 

"He's reminding us to avoid the southern entrance to base" she snorted. "Like he hadn't said it nine times before we left" 

He watched her stand back up and make her way back to him. He watched her with a worried frown - what if she had just gotten caught up in the moment? What if she didn't want-

"Stop thinking so hard" she interrupted his spiral, but she looked just as unsure as he did. She seemed to be contemplating it herself, her features taking on the stubborn scowl that he so often saw on her before she went into a fight. 

She stepped right up into him and pulled him down by the front of his shirt, kissing him soundly. When she pulled back she looked sure of herself, and he tucked a piece of hair that he had dislodged with his hands back behind her ear. 

He could feel his heart racing, but he was sure he hadn't felt this happy in a long time "This changes things" 

"No, it doesn't" Jyn said quickly, panic rising in her voice as she pushed him away. "nothing has to change"

He felt like a wall had slammed right into him. Of course this changed things. Had he misread their looks, their touches - everything ?  

She let out a sigh and walked a few feet away from him to put some space between them, he felt like she was suddenly galaxies away.

"I meant-" another frustrated breath hissed out of her as she put her hands on hips. Cassian took a slow step towards her, watching her in case she gave any indication that it wasn't ok to come closer. She levelled him with a glare, but looked more annoyed at herself than anything else. "We already spend time together, and I don't look at anyone else" Force, she was bad at this, "I don't see what has to be different"

His face softened the more she spoke, and it really didn’t help her inability to express herself when she saw him looking at her like that. "That's not helping" She muttered. 

“I’d like to spend more time with you like this” He said, taking one of her hands and rubbing his thumb over her knuckles. He could see they were scarred from years of fighting. “Not tiptoeing around each other. I want to be with you more, if you’ll have me"

“Why didn’t you do anything before?” 

"I wanted you to trust that I wasn't going to leave you" he confessed, hand coming up to brush a wayward piece of hair he had knocked out of place earlier from her face. "and that was going to take time"

"I do trust you"

"This was more than that - I wanted to make sure for myself that you didn't stay just because of obligation. That you felt you owed something after what we went through"

"Cassian-"

"I needed to make sure you wanted me" 

"You're stupid if you think I wouldn't" She snapped. "I don't owe you anything, if anything you owe me some credits from that terrible game yesterday"

He laughed, tugging her to him and brushing his nose against hers. "I have other ways to pay you"

Her head dropped back, her groan echoing around the ship. "If you're going to be like this now I'm going to have to rethink-"

Her sentence was cut short as Cassian stopped her with a kiss. A pathetic excuse of one, really, because the both of them were still grinning like fools as he guided her backwards towards their bunks. 

He gave her the credits he owed later - he was a man of his word after all.