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Stede looked up as Lucius’ loud sigh echoed through the small hotel lobby. He knew his assistant hated having to accompany him to this objectively boring conference, but did he really have to be so dramatic about it? And why in the world was it taking him so long to check them in? He looked at his watch. They’d been in the lobby for the past forty-five minutes for god’s sake!
Seeing Lucius’ mood, his assistant was probably bitching to the receptionist about how much he hated these gatherings, for which he couldn’t really blame him. He himself had given a long, complaining speech about coming here to his best friend Ed, but he would have appreciated it if it didn’t take Lucius so bloody long.
He smiled as he remembered Ed. Most people stopped listening to him as soon as he opened his mouth, but not Ed. Ed was always there for him. That’s why he was his best friend.
He still remembered their first encounter: to his horror, his computer froze during a secret mid-work shopping spree and Ed, instead of reporting him or making fun of him, just pointed out that the coat he was looking at would suit him the best in aqua blue (he was absolutely right). They then spent an hour browsing through different sites looking for the perfect autumn vibes and they’d been best friends ever since.
He wondered what Ed was doing now. Was he filling out the reports with the cutest frown on his face because he hated doing paperwork? Or was he trying to suppress a laugh while once again asking Jeffrey if he had checked that his computer was actually plugged in? Or was he staring out of his office window with his cup of way too sugary tea (seven sugars and a dollop of milk, his mind supplied), daydreaming while the sun crept in through the window—making him look like some kind of angel?
A hand waved in a front of his face. “Down to Earth, Stede!”
He looked up to see Lucius standing above him looking annoyed.
“What took you so long, Lucius?”
“Well, if you weren’t so out of it, you’d already know, because I’ve been explaining it to you for the past five minutes.” He opened his mouth to defend himself but his assistant continued, “Long story short, there was a mistake with our reservation.”
“Oh, no! How bad is it?” he asked, already pulling out his phone to check for other possible hotels in the area.
“Don't bother, the receptionist and I already checked. Every hotel in the area is already fully booked because of this stupid conference.”
“Then where are we sleeping?”
Lucius sighed. “Here, I'm afraid.”
“But you said there was a mistake.”
“Yeah, the room they booked us only has a double, which means we'll have to share. And before you ask, no, there's no sofa there.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. ‘Oh,’ indeed.”
“Then I’ll guess we’ll just go and unpack?” he asked, unsure.
His assistant nodded. Stede got up and started moving his two suitcases to the elevator while Lucius picked up his overnight bag and Stede’s third suitcase. Stede hoped he hadn’t forgotten to pack anything.After all, they were staying here for an entire night.
“There's only one blanket,” was the first thing Stede said upon entering the room and Lucius wanted to die.
“Cool,” he replied sarcastically and dropped Stede's suitcase on the floor. He saw Stede wince a bit at that, but those suitcases were ridiculously heavy and really, who the fuck packed three suitcases for a one-night stay at a hotel?
“I'll take the floor.”
Lucius looked at his forty-eight-year-old boss with a bad back and germophobia trying to play a hero. “I’m not dealing with your moaning about how much your back hurts tomorrow, Stede, not to mention that I don’t think you have enough cleaner in that suitcase to disinfect this entire rug. I'll take the floor.”
“But what about your allergies, Lucius? This whole rug is probably really dusty. I cannot have you sneezing the whole night: neither of us would get any sleep.”
Lucius dropped his bag onto the right side of the bed. “Then I guess it's settled. We're both taking the bed.”
“Okay…” Stede nodded, unsure. “But I have to sleep on the right side, I always sleep on the right side.”
“No, you don’t, because I also sleep on the right side and I called dibs first. Plus, you've been single for the past year. You now probably sleep in the middle.” Lucius’ eyes widened. “Are you going to kick me in my sleep?” Stede opened his mouth to say something but Lucius continued, “Oh my god, tell me, you're not an octopus when you sleep, please Stede.”
“I keep to my side… mostly.”
“Mostly?” Lucius sighed and started digging through his bag. “Okay then, I'm going to take a shower now, and then I will longly complain to Pete over the phone over this mess, because God knows I have to get a lot of swearing off my chest. Oh, and don’t you dare try to take the right side of the bed while I’m showering. I will fight for it if necessary and you’re definitely not winning that fight.”
Stede guiltily stopped where he was reaching towards Lucius’ bag to move it and with a tired sigh, he started pulling out his things on the left side as Lucius disappeared into the bathroom.
His mind went back to Ed. They had been talking about sleep recently and Ed, to his shock, had no preferred side! His only answer was: “I just like to cuddle whoever is in the bed with me, so if I was in bed with you, then I would sleep on the right side as well.” What he wouldn’t have given for Ed to be here tonight instead of Lucius. At least then he would’ve gotten his beloved right side, and maybe even some cuddles. Not that he would want cuddles from Lucius, God no, cuddles were reserved for his best friend only. Well, and also for his partner if he wasn’t hopelessly single.
After a bit, Lucius emerged from the bathroom in silky blue pyjamas talking loudly on the phone to who he assumed was Pete. He quickly slipped past, not really wanting to hear Lucius complain about him, and went to get ready for bed.
“Did you wash your feet properly?”
“Pardon?” Lucius looked up from his pillow and almost had a heart attack when he saw Stede standing by the bed in a full-length nightgown complete with a hat with a pompon.
“What the fuck are you wearing? Do you plan on dying here and becoming a resident ghost?”
Stede looked down at his nightgown. “I think it's fab.”
“Sure you do,” mumbled Lucius.
“Don't try to skip my question.”
“Yes, I did, Stede. I do wash my feet, you know, I'm not Pete.”
“Pete doesn't wash his feet?”
“He does now that we're together.” He looked at Stede's mortified expression. “Let's just say, he picked up some great habits since he started dating me. Also, why do you care so much about my feet?”
“We share the blanket, of course.”
He sighed. “Of course.”
“I don’t want any chance of your feet making the sheet dirty for me.”
“Okay, this is not the dirty talk I expected to ever hear in bed.”
Stede looked at him scandalized. “Don’t make it gross, Lucius.”
“You’re the one here talking about dirty feet.”
“I’m just trying to make us comfortable.”
“In what way, Stede?”
“I just—” he gestured vaguely in the air before sighing tiredly. “Let’s just try to go to sleep.”
“Sure,” said Lucius as he watched Stede move to lie down.
“You won't sleep like this, right Stede?”
“Why not?”
“You’re facing me.”
“Well, I won't be able to sleep otherwise.”
“Is my face so boring it helps you sleep?”
“I can hear the sarcasm, Lucius and no, I'm just used to the right side of the bed. If you hadn't selfishly taken it, I would have now been looking at a wall instead of you.”
“Selfish? I'm selfish because I sleep on the same side as you?”
“Well, you seem to have a problem with the way that I’m facing because of that, so yes.”
“You're the one who looks like a fucking ghost from the nineteenth century.”
“Hey! There's no need to discriminate against the elderly.”
“You’re forty-eight, Stede.”
“Well, that’s old.”
“For god’s sake, Stede!”
“You call me that often. Don’t try to deny it!”
“Yeah, but that’s different.”
“How?”
“How about we just go to sleep, okay Stede? I don’t have the energy right now to explain to you which situations you behave like an elderly despite not being one, okay? Not to mention you’re behaving like a stubborn teenager right now.”
Stede sat up. “I am not!”
“That’s exactly what a teenager would say.”
“Are you suggesting that you’re sharing a bed with an underage person, Lucius? That’s illegal you know.”
“Having sex is, Stede, not sharing a bed, and I’m for sure not having sex with you. Ever. Plus, you’re not actually a teenager.”
Stede pouted.
“And now please let me get some beauty sleep. God knows I need it.”
Stede gave him a side-eye but slowly laid back down. Lucius finally closed his eyes when—
“You won’t have a wet dream, will you? Because that would be awkward.”
He groaned into the pillow. “No, I fucking won’t, Stede. And even if I did, it would be way less awkward than you asking me that.”
“Sorry, I just… God, I’m just nervous. I’ve never shared a bed with anyone but Mary.”
“Like not even during sleepovers?”
“What sleepovers?” Stede shrugged sadly.
“Okay, let’s not get into the sad territory while we’re in bed together.”
“Please, don’t remind me.”
Lucius took that as a chance to finally get some sleep before a thought entered his mind… “Stede, are you asking me about wet dreams because you think you’ll have one?”
Stede looked at him scandalized. “Why would I have a wet dream? I'm single for god’s sake!”
“That's exactly why, Stede.”
“Definitely not! Who would I even dream about?”
“One, your wet dream doesn’t have to have a face and two, are you really asking me after gushing nonstop about Ed for the past six months?"
“I do not gush about Ed!”
“Oh, Ed is just the sweetest, oh, Ed made me smile today, oh Ed looked so great today, especially in those tight leather pants that do wonders for his—” A pillow hit him in the face.
“I did not say that! Besides, me and Ed are just friends!”
“Are you sure? Because when you said goodbye to each other yesterday it was like a wife saying goodbye to her husband going to war.”
Stede went completely red at that.
“And he totally likes you back.”
He looked at him wide-eyed. “Does he really?”
He nodded and handed him the thrown-away pillow back. Stede hugged it tight.
“Now, let’s get some sleep, okay?”
Stede nodded, still hugging the pillow.
He barely managed to get comfortable on the stiff hotel pillow when Stede once again started talking. He really felt he might be ready to murder soon.
“I think you're right, Lucius, I do really like Ed.”
“Of course I am,” he mumbled from the pillow feeling tired and annoyed.
“Do you think I should tell him then?”
“Sure.” He turned to look at Stede only to see him reaching for his phone. “But not right fucking now!”
“Why? He deserves to know!”
“Do you want to wake him up at—” he looked at his watch on the nightstand, “—oh, God, two am?”
Stede shook his head. “No.”
“See. How about you let that feeling sink in and tell him once we’re back in the office?”
Stede nodded, burying himself back under the blanket. “That'll be for the best, Lucius. You’re right, we can kiss right afterwards that way.”
“Sure you can, Stede.”
“Goodnight, Lucius.”
“Goodnight, Stede.”
“Goodnight, Ed.”
“Goodnight, Ed,” mumbled Lucius as he finally fell asleep.
Ed was sitting behind his computer looking up flower bouquet deliveries because flowers were a clear romantic sign, right?
Right?
He sighed. He had been in love with Stede ever since he caught him secretly shopping at work. He was so adorable and weird and sweet and so fucking clueless. He honestly didn’t know how much more obvious he could make it to Stede that he liked him more than just a friend. He literally talked to him about snuggling together in bed! The thing was, if Stede had ever hinted at being uncomfortable or uninterested, he would’ve stopped immediately but he didn’t. Stede would always smile and laugh and then call them friends . He wanted to scream. He was honestly starting to lose hope.
Suddenly, Stede burst through the door. “Ed!”
He looked up and his heart started beating ten times faster. Stede was wearing his “travelling outfit,” as he liked to call it, that hugged his body absolutely deliciously and he wanted nothing more than to kiss him.
Only after Stede looked at him expectedly, he realised he asked him something: “Pardon?”
He watched as Stede’s smile fell. “Nothing, sorry.”
His heart squeezed as Stede curled into himself, turning to leave and he wanted to smack himself for his horny mind making Stede upset.
He caught his arm just as he was reaching for the door. “Sorry, got lost in my head for a bit. Got overexcited from seeing you again.”
Stede’s eyes looked up. “Oh.”
He nervously played with his hands. “Yeah, I actually didn’t hear a single word you said. Sorry.”
He once again wanted to smack himself. He knew that Stede’s ramblings were often ignored by his co-workers and he had vowed to never become one of them. Stede deserved to be heard. But now he had done it too.
“Oh, that’s okay! I do that sometimes as well!” Stede smiled at him and his heart skipped a beat.
“So what did you want to tell me?”
“I like you!”
He did a double take. “What?”
“I like you,” said Stede, this time less confident.
“Like me?”
Stede’s face once again fell. “Oh, sorry. I—I thought you liked me back. Sorry about that. I’ll just go, please forget about this interaction—”
“Well, I do like you too, you know,” he said and he watched Stede’s eyes widen.
Feeling bold, he moved closer.
“Really?”
“Really.” And then their eyes flickered at each other's lips and suddenly they were kissing.
He felt Stede’s hands slowly wrapping around his middle, pulling him even closer. It was at that moment he finally fully realised, he was kissing Stede Bonnet! He was finally kissing his beloved Stede! Fucking finally! He couldn’t believe it.
“I cannot believe we’re finally doing this,” he said once they had to pull apart for some air.
“I cannot believe it either, Ed! I never realised you could like me, I never would have come up to that conclusion by myself.”
“Well then, how did you reach this conclusion?”
Stede smiled at him as he ran his hand through Ed’s hair. “Oh, after I slept with Lucius at the conference.”
He was leaning for another kiss when— “After WHAT?!”