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Steve probably first noticed Robin Buckely about halfway through the first month of Fall Quarter. He was eating his morning breakfast sandwich, trying to finish it before the bell rang, when he realized he didn’t have a pen on him.
He didn’t even think about it, he turned around and asked the only person sitting down at the moment. “Hey, do you have a pen?”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “You want a pen?”
“I’ll give it back, jeeze.” He whined and sputtered crumbs over her desk.
“Gross.” She wiped the crumbs off her desk with a scowl but did hand him a pen.
Steve lingered after class, packing up and talking to Tammy of all people. She’d been crushing on him hard and normally he might take her out and get a date or two out of it. She was pretty enough with shiny, curly hair even if it was blonde. She probably wanted him for a fun night out and the boost in popularity that came from being Steve’s date for a weekend or two.
Too bad for her, he had his eyes set on Nancy Wheeler. She’d been proving to be really resistant to the Harrington Charm which made her even more interesting to Steve. By the time he went to hand back his pen to Robin, she was already gone.
Steve was a man of his word though and he gave it back to her the next day.
“Did you chew on my pen?” She asked, looking at the cap.
“Uh,” He didn’t remember chewing on it. “It came like that?”
Robin pulled out a half dozen pens from a small pencil case. “Does it look like I chew my pens?” She asked. Then she pointed at the pen Steve had pulled out of his bag for class. Its cap was also chewed up. “I’m not the problem here.” He shrugged because it wasn’t really a problem and turned around in his seat to wait for class to start.
It wasn’t much of an interaction but it was enough for Steve to start paying attention to Robin. Steve was used to people paying attention to him. Knew to a certain degree, people were always watching him at school. To see what he would do or how he would react.
He set the tone. For the day. For what was cool. For who was cool.
That was just how it was in high school, people at the top were watched by everyone else. Robin was nowhere near the top but she also didn’t notice Steve watching her. Like she didn’t even care. It irked something in Steve, made him pay attention to her even more. It didn’t take long for him to catch her staring, pretty much every day, at Tammy Thompson. If Tammy talked to Steve, Robin’s lips were pressed into a flat line. If he talked to Tammy, she would scowl.
Steve was observant. He paid attention to people, what they did, where they looked, what they said and what they didn’t say. It had been something he worked on in Middle School, talking with Carol about what they’d seen at school that day and analyzing it until Tommy got too bored and pulled them away from each other.
He thought, at first, Robin was jealous of Tammy. She didn’t pay attention to gossip if she thought that. He was getting closer to getting a date with Nancy. She listened less and less to her killjoy friend when he suggested hanging out or studying together. Neither Tammy or Robin was on his radar. He might be intrigued by Robin but Tammy, if anything he found her kind of annoying. All she talked about was getting a solo in choir. How could anyone let her sing, let alone sing a solo? She sounded like a muppet.
He knew his first assumption about Robin was wrong, he just didn’t know why it was wrong until one day when Tommy and Carol met up with him after class. “Hey, wanna ditch second period?” Tommy asked while Carol popped her gum. Steve must have been blocking the door because Robin pushed her way out, bumping him into Tommy. “Watch it dyke.” Tommy scowled at her but Steve watched her, like he’d been watching her all month. There was something in the crook of her mouth, the way she folded in on herself. He couldn’t have told you why, it was like he just knew. It was like Mrs. Click said in class the other day. He had an epiphany. She actually was a dyke. Everything with Tammy Thompson made so much more sense if it wasn’t Steve she had a crush on but Tammy. At the same time, she’d been nice(ish) to him, in a weirdo way. She didn’t deserve Tommy going after her because Steve had been blocking the doorway.
“Lay off, man.” He said. “We like Robin.”
He didn’t know if Robin heard him or not but Carol certainly did. “We do? I thought we liked Nancy?”
“Not like that. She’s, I dunno. Nice. So back off.” Steve said. There he had set the tone. Robin Buckely was off limits.
+++
Robin flitted around different friend’s groups but didn’t really belong to any. She ate alone in Mr. Hauer’s room when a good book was better company than people. She hung out very occasionally with Jeff at the Hellfire Club table, but Eddie Munson was obnoxious and she could barely tolerate all of one lunch there before she’d bail on him again. It was a shame because Jeff was nice. If she was in a play, she’d hang out with some of the tolerable drama kids. Most of the time, though, she stuck with band. In the grand scheme of high school, the band clique was where she was supposed to belong since she was in the marching band, but Robin never felt like she belonged anywhere. There was a lot about her that didn’t fit in at Hawkins and it became exhausting to try all the time.
Fourth period, before lunch, she’d spent some time debating reading in Mr. Hauer’s room. Tommy H. had called her a dyke that morning and the sound of the word had echoed in her brain all morning. She tried so hard not to be obvious but if dimwits like Tommy could see her for what she was, how could she finish high school? She already was a social pariah, being a “known” queer would only make it worse. She’d lose the little she had.
Bev, from band, grabbed her arm at her locker and dragged her to the cafeteria. “What’s with you and Steve?”
“Steve?” Which Steve was she talking about? There were like five Steve’s in school as far as Robin knew.
“Harrington.” Bev was exasperated with her already and she didn’t know what she had done. She pushed through the doors to the cafeteria and led them to the lunch line. Robin clutched her lunch bag in her hand while Bev grabbed a tray.
“I don’t know?” She asked.
“You’re the hot gossip today and you’re so totally useless.” She said fondly. Robin hoped she meant it fondly.
“What gossip?” Robin put a cookie on Bev’s tray for her dessert. “I’ll pay you back.”
“That Steve is like protecting you? Wants to date you?”
“That’s news to me. I let him borrow pens occasionally. He talks to Tammy Thompson more than he talks to me.” And she hated him for it. “I thought he was chasing Nancy?” She scanned the cafeteria and spotted Nancy with Barb, Steve, and his hangers on. He looked up at her the same time she pointed at him and waved.
“Jesus Christ.” Bev said while Robin waved back. “Should we go over there?”
Robin saw everyone at the table look her way and felt a blush crawl up her neck. “Nope. Let’s go sit at the band table, like always.”
“Alright, but if you want Steve, you’ve got to go for him or he’s going to wind up with Nancy.” Bev checked out of the line and started walking across the cafeteria.
“I don’t want to date Steve Harrington.” She whispered and tried to guide them to the table with no more incidents.
+++
He wanted to know more about Robin Buckley but he didn’t know how.
He got the idea after midterms had come back. He’d gotten a B+ in Chemistry with Nancy’s help but a C- in English with Click. He noticed Robin had gotten an A-. “You should tutor me.” He said, turning around in his seat.
“What?” Robin jumped in her seat.
“You should tutor me.” He whipped out his midterm and plunked it down on the desk next to hers. “See you did a lot better than me.”
“Like that’s hard.” She scoffed.
“You don’t even think that this stuff is hard, you’d be the perfect tutor.” He said ignoring her insult.
“Stop being so mean.” Tammy hissed towards Robin. She shrank back in her seat, eyes downcast and blush pinking her ears. Classic crush embarrassment face. That basically confirmed his suspicion Robin liked girls and liked Tammy specifically.
Steve laughed and waved her off. “It’s fine. I don’t know if you’ve met Carol, but I like my friends a little bit mean.”
He almost felt bad about it, not because Tammy looked heartbroken but because Robin looked heartbroken at Tammy.
“But seriously, tutor me. I have to get at least a C+ in this class to continue to be on the varsity basketball team next quarter.”
Robin glanced between Tammy and Steve. “I’m not sure.”
“We can meet in the library after school.”
“I have marching band practice after school.” She was trying to wiggle out of this, but Steve wanted to know Robin better and he was going to get what he wanted.
“At lunch?”
“I have-” She tried to come up with an excuse but failed. “Yeah, lunch works.”
+++
Robin thought tutoring Steve would be the start of one big, creepy seduction. Maybe he was trying to date all the nerd girls at once? See which one fell for him first or something? When he somehow forced her to start tutoring him, she made sure they were in the library, seated near the librarian, and in full view of the front door. No private study nook for them. Instead, they spread out at a large table, across from each other in order to make sure Steve didn’t try to sit next to her.
He looked amused the whole time. “I’m fine over here.”
“Good. And you need to stay there.” She said.
Turned out he actually wanted to study. He paid attention to what she said and even asked questions. Better questions than the ones he asked in class which were so dumb they were painful to listen to.
“You’re not bad at this. I don't know why you think you need tutoring.”
“I dunno, it’s hard to study without someone else around. Never seem to be able to focus. When I’m with other people, I can totally do it.”
“What do you do differently with other people?” She asked.
“It’s not the what, it’s just the other people. Even if you sat there and did nothing I’d probably do better studying than I do right now on my own.”
“That sucks, I’d hate to have to rely on other people like that.”
“It is what it is. I think if my parents were home more often, it wouldn’t be so bad. Turn on the radio and work in the kitchen while my parents do what they do around the house. You know.” He sounded wistful. She couldn’t imagine wanting to study where there was so much noise around her. Sounded like a nightmare. She barely could focus in school when everyone was talking during “silent” study sessions.
“It’s why I’ve been studying with Nancy so much too.”
She rolled her eyes. “I’m sure that’s all you’re doing with Nancy.”
“If she’d let me, but she’s playing hard to get.”
“Gross, dude.” She wrinkled her nose in disgust. “What is this, the fifties? Maybe she doesn’t want to date you.”
“No, she wants to.” He shook his head. “I can tell. She’s afraid of my reputation. I gotta work with what I got, and right now instead of hearing about the Harrington Charm and wanting to try it herself, she’s using it as an excuse to keep me at arms length.”
“The Harrington Charm?” She smirked in disbelief. “What charm?”
He laughed. “Well, I don’t turn it on you, so you wouldn’t know about it.”
She wasn’t sure how that made her feel. One one hand she was relieved he didn’t want to flirt with her. On the other hand, what was so wrong with her that he didn’t want to flirt with her? Could he tell she was a lesbian?
“Why not?”
“Robin?” He said but it was with the slight lilt of a question, like he was trying to remind her of something. When she remained silent and confused he looked around to make sure no one was watching them and quietly continued, “I’m not interested in dating you and I didn’t think you were interested in dating me.”
“I’m not, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to see this infamous charm.” Steve telling her plainly he didn’t want to date her should have been crushing. If she was a normal girl it would have been. Instead, it was like the heavens opened up and the sun shined down on her. Steve clearly stated what he wanted from her and it was something she could give.
He stuffed his face with the stupid granola bar he snuck into the library. “Why? It’d be like trying to charm Tommy or Carol? Weird.”
“I think you’re lazy.” She ignored the flutter in her chest at the way he’d compared what they had to his best friends and folded her arms in front of her. “Go on, charm me.”
“Nope, I refuse.”
“Lazy. Like I said.”
“You can think what you like, but it’s not going to change. I’m not going to try to seduce you so you can know what it’s like.”
“Ew gross.” She said and Steve smirked at her like she’d confirmed something. “I didn’t say seduce, I said charm.”
“The charm is the seduction, Buckley. That’s why I don’t turn it on just anyone. You gotta be the lucky lady.”
“Where’s the charm with Nancy then?” She asked because at this point she was curious. “Why’s it not working on her?”
“She’s scared. Not of me.” He clarified. “It’s got something to do with Barb. So I’m going to help make her feel safe, have fun. I bet if I can do that she’ll relax.”
“And you can get what you want?” It sounded kind of gross and so typically boy. She felt weird, maybe disappointed in him.
“So we can have fun together. She’s great.” He looked directly at Robin. “I’m getting what I want just by getting to hang out with her.” He ran his hands through his hair and she briefly wondered if this was something he’d ever said out loud before. “Sex is great, it’s fun and I want to share that with her. But if that’s not in the cards right now, or ever, then hanging out with her is also really good. Kissing her is great. That’s what I want.”
“Oh.” It was sweet? It was still very fifties the way he talked about it but he also clearly cared about her. What did Robin know about this stuff anyway, it wasn’t like she had any experience. Couldn’t get any experience in Hawkins.
She’s coming over tonight for a private party tonight.” He glanced away, embarrassed. “Look, it’s not a real party, or I’d invite you too. I’m inviting enough people to make Nancy feel comfortable at my house when my parents are gone but no so many that-”
“That you can’t kick them out when you get Nancy alone?”
He scrunched his nose. “Yeah, but please make it sound less creepy.”
+++
Monsters were real. The US government experimented on children to turn them into psychic soldiers. He was actually a horrible person. These were the facts he hadn’t known before Saturday. Now he knew them but he didn’t know what to do with them.
If it wasn’t for Nancy he would be rudderless. If it wasn’t for Robin he’d have no real friends left.
“What happened with Tommy and Carol over the weekend?” Robin had spotted him on his way to Mrs. Click’s class and pulled him into the girls bathroom. Now they had skipped class while she cradled his face in her hands and clucked at him like a school nurse.
“I realized I was an asshole. They didn’t like that I said it outloud.”
“Was that before or after the graffiti? And the,” she tapped lightly on the side of his face away from his black eye, “fight?”
“Does the whole school know?” He hadn’t been paying much attention. Getting wrapped up with monsters and government conspiracies kinda forced that to the back of his mind until he realized he didn’t know what to do with himself at school today.
“This is Hawkins. The whole town knows.” Robin had turned away from him, soaking a few paper towels in cold water before handing them to him. “For your face.” The cool paper towel felt good for a few moments, enough to cool down the ache around his eye. “Did you take any painkillers? I think I have some Tylenol.” She started to dig through her bag.
He grabbed her hands to still them. “I’m good for now.” He said. “I was a dick, why aren’t you mad at me?”
“I am mad. I’m trying not to be. I want to hear from you why you did what you did before I get mad. Madder. Plus if Byers really did hand you your ass, then that’s enough punishment.” She shrugged. “Plus plus, I saw Nancy kiss you this morning as she got out of your car, so whatever happened she forgave you.”
Steve thought about what Carol or Tommy would have done in some similar situation. They would have ragged on him, frozen him out for a week or two, if it had been damaging enough to his rep they would have dumped him. He was kind of expecting it from Robin too, even if she’d never played by those rules before.
He wanted to explain but how could he when monsters were a big part of the whole thing. “I was a dick. About Barb going missing, I didn't believe she really was in trouble even though Nancy knew immediately and tried to convince me to help. I didn’t want to think about it, you know? While we were partying upstairs she went missing. From my house.” Robin’s eyebrows raised up to her hairline but she didn’t say anything. “And what I didn’t know, because she already had every right not to tell me, was that she was helping Jon who didn’t think his brother was actually dead.” He waved his hands around trying to think of a way to explain everything and failing to come up with a suitable lie. “It was a whole thing. There was evidence and shit. Anyway, I hadn’t heard from her so I snuck over to her house but she was with Byers. In her bedroom. And I dunno.” He sighed and thought of his mother’s accusations against his father and felt, for the first time ever, real sympathy for her. “I overreacted. Then I was stupid and went to Tommy and Carol.” He laughed bitterly. “I bet if I had gone to you, none of that would have happened.” He hit the wall behind him with his fist.
He hadn’t even thought of Robin in the moment but if he’d gone to her they probably would have moped together all weekend and he wouldn't know about monsters or anything. Wouldn’t know there actually is something to be afraid of in the dark. But he might not have Nancy either. Couldn’t imagine them being together if she knew about the truth of the world and he didn’t. “I went to them and now I know I’m a shit human being, so that’s fun. At least Nancy’s forgiven me.” He couldn’t imagine what he would do if she hadn’t. How lost he would be without her.
“Eh, you’re only like fifty percent of an asshole.” She said, as she moved to lean against the wall next to him. “That's why I like you. A bit bitchy, a bit charming, never know what you’re going to get.”
“You think I’m charming?” He asked.
She pushed him lightly, he swayed with it. “Not like that. Not your seduction charming. Gross.” She actually gagged. She was hilarious. “Like friendly charming. Platonically charming.”
“Platonitic?”
“With a capital P.” She grinned at him and then looked at her watch. “Well shit, can’t sneak into Clicky Clack’s class now. You’ve turned me into a truant, Harrington.”
“Walk me to the nurse. I’ll have her treat my-” he waved at his face. “We can tell her you caught me about to pass out or something and have been helping me.”
+++
It was a random day in March when Robin realized she’d hung out at lunch with Steve, Nancy, and Jonathan everyday at school for the last two months. Not with band even when Bev waved hello from her place in the cafeteria line, not with the drama kids even though she was the nursemaid in the winter quarter production of A Doll’s House. She had only read in the library a day or two alone, and even then she’d told Steve ahead of time she needed some quiet or she was going to have a breakdown in class. All he’d said was, “let me know if you ever want company, or to escape to my car for some real quiet. I’ll give you my keys.”
She had silently slid into the kind of friendship she’d longed for throughout her childhood. The kind of friendship she’d given up on ever finding, at least in Hawkins. If she was still in elementary school, she might call them best friends.
Fuck it. She was best friends with Steve Harrington.
+++
Nancy was busy a lot of the summer with work. So was Steve. Robin’s parents had sent her off to band camp for most of the summer. Jonathan was alright but a little hard to hang out with one on one. Steve was bored and lonely, counting down the days until Robin got back. Two weeks in August before school began where he was going to spend every waking moment he could hanging out with her or going on dates with Nancy to make up for a whole summer alone.
Chrissy Cunningham walked in front of his lifeguard station, walking quickly after a few younger boys one of which was her brother. “Hey Steve.” She waved.
“Hey Chrissy.” He nodded back. He watched her go and thought she had a nice ass, good legs. Not his type exactly, but she was hot. He wondered if she was Robin’s type. All he knew about her type was that Tammy Thompson was inexplicably part of it. Chrissy was blonde, like Tammy, and a lot hotter. Nicer too.
He wished he could have that conversation with her. Watch her go bright red around her crush and give her shit for it instead of having to stay silent. He didn’t even know if she knew he knew. About her. Sometimes he thought she did, but then she’d go all weird and he thought she didn’t.
It was currently adult swim, which meant his duties got a lot easier and it meant his mind could wander a little as long as he kept an eye out on everyone. Usually he thought about what he would do that evening, or maybe what he wanted to cook for dinner. This summer, with its weird hollowness that came from not really having enough people around, his mind really wandered. Untethered to anything fun to think about in reality.
He wondered what it was like to like someone like you. To be like Robin. When guys talked about girls it was always their softness, their breasts, the things that made them different from boys. Steve did like boobies, they were amazing. But his initial attraction to a person wasn’t based on boobies, or softness. It was the eyes, the hair, the laugh, the witty comeback or sharp insight.
None of that was girl specific so maybe that was his way of understanding Robin more. He could try to understand Robin better by thinking of guys like that. The specifics of sex didn’t have to come into play because he wasn’t trying to be gay, he was just trying to understand Robin so when they did hang out maybe she’d sense the difference in him and finally tell him the truth. Then he could tease her about all her crushes and have the open friendship he wanted with her.
He thought about Nancy, what did he like about her initially? Her eyes, totally. Big, dark, soft, and soulful but when she was interested in something they turned sharp and intense. That intensity, turned towards Steve, always stole his breath away. So find a dude who had big, dark eyes that were also intense and imagine crushing on him the way he crushed on Nancy last year.
He looked around, glad he had dark sunglasses on that hid his gaze, and looked at each guy here. He wrote of the ones with light eyes, not part of the experiment. He also wrote off the guys with soft eyes he didn’t think would turn intense in the right way. Guys like Jeff from that weirdo club at school. Steve wouldn’t have even known about him except he was kinda friends with Robin so now he was kinda friendly with Steve. He was cute enough and had a nice, muscled chest without a shirt on, but not exactly what Steve was looking for today.
Standing next to him was The Freak, uh, Munson. He didn’t have sunglasses and was squinting towards the water, but it looked like he had dark eyes. Plus, he was the definition of intense. So intense he gave Robin a headache. He was also shirtless, skin so pale it was blinding in the light. His chest wasn’t as muscular as Jeff’s but it was lean with long lines that drew the eye down towards his soaking wet trunks, slung low around his waist, held down with the weight of the water dripping from them. Steve’s gaze followed that lean line of Munson’s torso down to his crotch, a large bump in the wet trunks plastered to his legs. If the light hit him just right, he could almost make out the way Munson’s cock jutted over to the left.
Steve startled out of his own thoughts. What the hell was that? His experiment went too well if he was thinking about another man’s dick. Jesus.
He rubbed at his eyes under his sunglasses and prayed no one would need him to rescue them in the next few minutes since he’d popped a bit of a chub while watching Munson.
At least his experiment was a success. He was capable of queer enough thoughts to get a sneak peak into Robin’s mind. Maybe that would help Robin open up to him and when she did, he would understand just a little bit better.
+++
Robin had only come to the Halloween party because Steve asked her to. He’d asked Jonathan too, teasing him gently into coming even if he was more reluctant than Robin. It’s not like he ditched her immediately after they all got there but he was pulled in a lot of directions by Nancy, by friends, by the basketball team, and by Tommy and Billy being weird. Robin watched Nancy drift off into the kitchen and followed. She grabbed a red solo cup of jungle juice and wandered around until she was outside in the backyard. She saw Eddie, probably there selling, and looked to see if Jeff was around. No luck there, but Tammy was there and was nice-ish to her for a few moments. Okay, she waved at Robin when Robin waved first, but she had seen Robin. It was something. She finished off the jungle juice and said hello to a few of the drama kids who were at the party before she went back inside.
Inside was a crush of people. Robin hated it immediately. It made her skin crawl to be accidentally touched by so many people. And the noise. It was hell, but Tammy was in the backyard and she couldn’t go back out without a reason or she’d look like a weirdo. She decided she’d be a different kind of loser and wandered out front to sit on the steps. She passed Jonathan who asked where Steve and Nancy were but she had no idea so she shrugged and told him she’d be out front if they needed to find her.
The front of the house wasn’t quiet, nothing on the street was quiet with the party happening, but it was way more chill than inside the house and even better than the backyard with all the nasty smokers polluting the air.
She must have zoned out because the next thing she knew Steve was running down the steps away from the party and she called out after him. He turned around abruptly, halfway to his car, and looked at her like he’d never seen her before. “Robin?” His voice was as shattered as broken glass.
“Steve, what happened?” She asked, moving towards him like you’d move towards a frightened animal you were trying to keep calm.
“Nancy-” He wiped at his face and Robin realized he was wiping tears away. “Nance and I fought.”
“What?” That seemed impossible. Even if Nancy didn’t always understand their friendship, she was patient with it - which was more than Robin expected from a girlfriend of her best friend - and was alway nice to Robin. Liked talking to her about books and movies.
“I can’t stay here.” He begged her and she immediately walked to his car, waiting at the passenger door to be let in.
“Then let’s go. Wherever you want.”
“I don’t want to go anywhere.” She knows Steve was thinking about his house he hated. She didn’t get it, she only knew he hated it.
“Okay, then. Let’s drive. Let’s just drive around.”
+++
“Steve?” Jonathan and Nancy asked at the same time. “Robin?” From beside him Robin waved at both of them. “What’re you doing here?”
Dustin jumped in before he could reply. “We’re following the demodogs back to the lab.”
“We’re calling them that?” Lucas asked from behind Steve.
Steve ignored the kids bickering. Again. Instead focusing on Nancy who was staring at both Steve and Robin with curiosity. He had expected maybe suspicion or confirmation Steve really was dating Robin like all those rumors at school said or anger that Steve had looped his best friend into the Upside Down stuff. Instead it was Nancy’s brand of intensely focused curiosity. Maybe their messy almost break-up fight on Halloween really was a sign he didn’t know her at all. So many truths about how Nancy thought of Steve had come out in that stupid bathroom at Tina’s but if Steve was surprised at Nancy’s reactions to Robin’s presence then he didn’t know her either.
Had he been in love with who he thought Nancy was this whole time instead of who she was? It made a pit of shame open up in Steve’s stomach.
While Steve had been deep in thought, Dustin and Jonathan had started messing around with the gate to open it up. As the lights inside the building powered on again the gate opened wide and they were all about to go inside when cars came barreling out at them and the whole junkyard gang was taken to the Byers’ place.
The next twelve hours were honestly the worst Steve had ever experienced. The only reason he survived with only a black eye was Robin. Who had helped him take on Billy, who was an actual psychopath. More than any of the Upside Down crap this time that creeped him out.
Robin who threw random shit at Billy while he had Steve in a choke hold. Robin who helped him keep the kids alive in the tunnels. Robin who forced down her own panic until right this moment.
They had made it to his house. Robin had called her parents to let them know she and Nancy had moved their study session to Steve's house and to call if they needed her. Steve’s parents were incommunicado as per usual so it wasn’t like he had to come up with a convincing lie for them about where he had been or why he had a black eye.
Robin had grabbed his sleeve and pulled him into his bathroom to look at his eye. She flicked on the light and when he winced she turned it off again but kept the door open so light from his bedroom window could illuminate them. She held his face in her hands like she had last fall after Jonathan beat him up. Tilting his face back and forth in the light from the doorway looking for any other signs of damage.
“Did you know he’d grabbed a plate?” Robin asked.
“Huh?”
“Billy, when I started throwing things. It was because he had grabbed a plate and I just knew he was going to use it against you. I don’t know, like hit you with it. And I saw red. Like how fucking dare he?”
“I’m alright now Robin.” He grabbed her hands and pulled them away from his face. “Thanks to you, I’m okay.”
“We almost died. At least twice. Probably three times for you because Billy is not okay.”
“He’s fucking terrifying. No one should respond to a fight like that right?”
“It was so messed up.” She shook her head.
“We didn’t die.” He said to maybe help calm her, but even as he said it he started shaking. First his hands, still holding onto Robin’s, started with a fine tremor that moved through his whole body. The shaking knocked loose everything that had happened yesterday. Everything he’d put into the same box as all the crap from last year.
Robin started shaking too, as if Steve’s breakdown was contagious. “But we almost died. We can freak out about that.” She started to sob. “Right? Because I don’t think I could stop now.”
Steve wasn’t a guy who cried. Pretty much ever. The closest he’d come in years was a few days ago when he and Nancy had argued. He wanted to comfort Robin as she had a very deserved breakdown but he couldn’t seem to calm himself down enough to do it. Instead, he found himself starting to tear up with her, tears flooding his eyes and streaming down his face. At first silently but with his first shuddering breath in he was sobbing right alongside Robin.
It was like they couldn’t cry and support themselves and Steve had no idea how or when it happened but sometime later when they were both cried out, he found they had migrated to his bathroom floor. Robin leaning against the wall and Steve against the tub, the cool porcelain digging into his back.
“This happened last year too?” Robin asked.
“Uh, yeah. I didn’t do much.” Not like the kids had, or Nancy and Jon had. He hadn’t hunted monsters or helped scared superheroes. He’d come in at the last second and hit a monster a few times. Sometimes he thought his presence made a difference, but mostly he thought that if he hadn’t shown up Nancy and Jonathan would have been better prepared for the monster and maybe had a chance to kill it before it disappeared.
“You’ve known about monsters for a full year?” Her tone was blank, flat and he had no idea what she was thinking.
“Yes? It’s not like it was fun. To know. Or that I could tell anyone. Hell, we’ll probably be signing NDAs before today is over.”
“NDAs?”
“Uh, non-discuss. No. Non-disclosure Agreements. The government made us sign them last year. Threatened our families and stuff if we peeped a word about what we saw.”
“Oh.”
“Hopper’s been working with them a bit, so maybe they’ll be slightly less terrifying this year? It’s not like I remember much except signing it and the threats. I had that concussion.”
“Did you actually get the concussion fighting monsters? Not Jonathan?”
“No, it really was Jonathan. The reason Nancy and Jonathan were hanging out was that they were hunting the monster. I thought they were doing more and well, I went crazy.”
She grabbed his hand again. “Do you think they’re-?”
“Maybe? I broke it off, officially, with Nancy while we were clearing out the shed. And if they are or they do, then I guess that’s okay.” His voice petered out. He didn’t really know how he felt about it. If he wanted to be a better guy, a bigger man, he should get over it but it still hurt how quickly Nancy seemed to be moving on without him.
“Fuck.”
“Yeah.” They sat in silence for a long time, listening to the comforting sounds of each other breathing. Robin picked at her cuticles. He knew it meant she was thinking about something. He also knew if he waited, she would tell him what she was thinking.
“Steve?” He looked up at Robin. “You know you’re my best friend, right?”
“Yeah? I mean yeah. You’re my best friend too. Have been for a while.” He threaded their fingers together. “And now you know the big secret.”
“I suspected there was something weird going on between you three. Sometimes you’d all react really weird and in sync. I thought it had to do with the fight last fall.” She quirked her mouth into a half smile. “I guess it did, just not how I thought it was.”
“Yeah.”
She looked him in the eye, and even in the tunnels last night when her goggles went flying off her face after she tripped on a vine, she didn’t look as terrified as she did now. “Steve?”
“Rob?”
“Can I tell you something? Something that might make you hate me?”
“I don’t think I could ever hate you.”
“You might? It’s just that this, all this stuff has been. It was a huge secret and you bore it mostly alone for a year. And well, I don’t know. I guess I know how that feels.”
She tried to pull away her hand, but Steve held on to it and hummed out a soothing toneless tune. He was pretty sure he knew what she might say. But until she did, he couldn’t reassure her either.
“I’m.” She coughed. “Fuck. I’m a lesbian.”
He had practiced this in his head when he thought about it over the last year. He’d say thanks for telling me. Or I love you no matter what. Instead, he said, “Yeah, I know” like an idiot who maybe did have a concussion.
“What?” Of course, because he didn’t say the right thing her panic grew.
“No, like I figured it out?” That was not helpful either.
“What? Does everyone know? Oh my god. Oh my god.”
“No, I don’t think anyone else knows. I’ve never said anything to anyone. I wouldn’t do that. I just looked at you one day and knew. The way you looked at Tammy last year in class. The way you flinched extra hard when someone was being a dick and called you a dyke. One day it just clicked. I’ve known- I’ve suspected for over a year but I never said anything because I didn’t want to hurt you.” She looked at him and tears started streaming down her face.
“I thought I was done crying for the day.” She lamented.
Steve laughed but made sure she was looking at him when he continued. “I didn’t know how to say, I love you for who you are, even the parts you can’t share with me. Not without being a creep.”
She laughed even as she started sobbing harder. “That’s why you didn’t turn the Harrington Charm on me?”
“Well, as cute as you are, I didn’t think I had a chance.” He laughed and she pushed his shoulder.
“Dick.”
“Last summer, while you were at summer camp, I think I gave myself a crush on Eddie Munson trying to better understand you.”
“What?” She screeched. “You what?”
“I wanted to know what it felt like for you, so I tried to find a guy I might find hot like I found Nancy hot.
“And you picked Eddie Munson?”
“Well, he was the only one who fit the criteria who was at the pool that day.”
“Oh my God, Steve. You know that’s not a very straight thing to do.”
“I’ve been trying really hard not to think about it, actually. Because of Nancy. And, you know-” He left the other reasons open. He knew Robin got it.
“Okay, okay.” She started crying again. “This is a lot. This whole weekend has been a lot.”
“Yeah,” Steve found himself crying again too. Had he ever been this touchy feely before Robin?
“Are we just going to school tomorrow?”
“Probably. I am. I mean it’s going to be a shit couple weeks just like last year. But yeah, not really any choice.”
“And we have to pretend like nothing happened?”
He nodded. “I’m sure Billy will be talking about the fight. Which is going to suck. Oh, and I have no idea where I’ll sit at lunch tomorrow since Nancy and I broke up?”
“With me. We can hang out in the car. Talk about your crush on Eddie.”
“And your crush on Tammy.”
“Nooooo.” Robin batted her hand at him again. “No need for that.”
“Uh, yeah. We totally will be talking about it. Unless you have a new crush I haven’t noticed?”
She wiped her eyes and changed the subject. “Can I spend the rest of the day here?”
“You know you can.” Steve reassured her. “But not in the bathroom? Let’s eat something and actually take a nap or something.”
“Sure, I could do with a nap. But only if it’s together. I don't think I can be alone right now.”
Steve thought about it. About cuddling, platonically, with Robin. It sounded good, it sounded exactly like what he needed after this fucking weekend. “Sure, sounds good. But first I gotta eat.”