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TK sighed as he slid the door closed behind him, his body feeling heavy. It was late, just after midnight and there were a couple of lamps left on, lighting the loft in a dim, welcoming glow. Carlos always made sure that the lighting was perfect when TK came home late, the right blend of warm, but not too bright.
He put his keys in the bowl on the table behind the couch, and turned back towards the door where he toed off his sneakers placing them neatly under the coat hooks, slipped off his jacket and put it on his hook, next to Carlos’s and put his bag on the floor underneath it. He walked quietly through to their bedroom, sliding the door back slowly. As expected, there was Carlos, lying on his side cuddling into TK’s pillow, his gorgeous arm muscles flexing outside of his sleeveless grey top, the duvet around his waist in a way that never happened when TK was in the bed with him. TK smiled softly, feeling a slight relief to the tension in his shoulders at the sight of his wonderful sleeping man. He paused for a moment just watching Carlos, after everything they had been through, just looking at the rise and fall of his chest brought TK never ending comfort. Carlos looked relaxed, his expression clear and his gorgeous curls spread across the pillow. TK was, as always, blown away by how handsome he was, he didn’t think that he would ever stop being stunned by being loved by such a beautiful person. He ached to be in the bed with him, so he grabbed his black sleep shorts and white t-shirt and headed into the bathroom closing the door behind him with a small click. TK changed quickly, putting his sweater, underwear and socks in the laundry basket, folding his jeans, placing them on the side while he cleaned his teeth. He looked at himself in the mirror as he washed his face, the sadness shining through his eyes. He sighed again; it had been a hard shift.
TK walked into the dark bedroom, the moonlight coming through the window giving a dim light to the room, that TK used to find the wardrobe, placing his jeans inside. Years with Carlos had made him so domesticated, and he always put his clothes away no matter how late he came home, he knew that the sight of jeans dumped on the floor would only stress his husband out if he saw them in the morning. He turned back to the bed, as he pulled the duvet up to slip in, he noticed that Carlos had shifted. His eyes were still closed, but he was lying flat on his back and his arms were now open, TK fell into them.
“Hi sweetheart” Carlos said sleepily, wrapping TK up in his arms, and kissing the top of his head. TK relaxed into his embrace, resting his head on Carlos’s shoulder and cuddling into him. “Was your shift ok?” Carlos asked.
“No.” TK gulped, burrowing further into Carlos’s neck, tears starting to fall.
“What happened?” Carlos asked hugging TK tighter and running his thumb across TK’s bare arm.
“There was a really hard call halfway through.”
“What happened?”
“We were called to a young couple, where the girlfriend wasn’t breathing, she had gone for a nap and when her boyfriend went to wake her, he couldn’t. We got there and she was cold.” TK sobbed. “We assessed her and wanted to try CPR, but it was clear that she had died in her sleep, so we had to call it. The man was devastated, just so distraught, it was awful.”
Carlos squeezed him tight. “I’m so sorry TK, that is so sad.”
“The thing is she hadn’t even been that ill, just had a bit of a chest infection, and then she just died having a nap like that.” TK carried on. “We called his brother to come and look after him and then the coroner came, he just clung to his brother crying and crying. I can still hear those sobs.” TK paused as Carlos started to rock him gently, then he carried on.
“And the whole way back to the firehouse we were all just stunned. There was nothing that we could do, we just had to leave and go back on shift. And I just kept thinking what would I do if that was you? If I woke up and you were gone, and, and…” TK cried harder.
“Oh babe, babe” Carlos said, putting his hand on TK’s cheek and wiping away the tears, then moving on to his side and shifting down the bed so that his face was the same level as TK’s.
“I am so, so sorry that happened today, but I am fine, I’m here. Sweetheart I’m here.” Carlos said kissing TK on the cheek, and then the other cheek and then his nose.
“Carlos” TK choked out a whisper. “I love you so much”.
“I know, and I love you too.” Carlos said pulling him into a hug. “It’s ok baby.”
TK sniffed as his tears stopped and Carlos continued to hold him tight, the feel of Carlos’s solid body calming him.
“I’m sorry baby, there are just some calls that really get to you.” TK said. “I just felt so sad for him, he clearly loved her so much.”
Carlos loosened the hug so that he could look at TK, still holding him close. “You don’t need to apologise baby, I get it, that one was tough, and I love how big your heart is that you care so much for your patients.”
“It’s like everyone’s worst nightmare. Young people shouldn’t die like that, she was only 30, it’s so unfair, how do you get through that?”
“It’s something that I hope that we don’t find out for a really long time.” Carlos said pulling TK into a soft kiss, TK kissed him back, melting into it.
Carlos moved to lie flat on his back again and pulled TK over so that he was lying almost on top of him, wrapping him tight in his arms. TK kissed his chest and sighed.
“And it was so bad for Tommy, it was like Charles all over again.” TK said.
“Oh god, is she ok?” Carlos asked.
“She was just really quiet, but then Trevor came to pick her up at the end of shift, and she told him what happened. He was so sweet, he just knew what to say, maybe it’s being a Pastor, but she seemed to be ok after she spoke to him. I’m so glad that she met him.” TK smiled.
“Me too”
“Thank you for being here for me.”
“Always” Carlos said, “it’s my job.”
“I’m so happy that you are my husband.”
“Me too” Carlos chuckled. “Are you feeling a bit better?”
“Yes, thank you baby.”
They lay for a moment in silence, just enjoying the feeling of being in each other’s arms.
“I’m sorry baby, I didn’t ask, how was your shift?” TK said, breaking the quiet.
“It was ok.”
“Just ok?” TK asked. “What happened?”
“I had a couple of welfare checks that were a bit hard.”
“Why?” TK said, running his hand up and down Carlos’s arm.
“Well, one was an elderly lady, her neighbours had noticed that she hadn’t been out and about, we knocked on the door, tried to check through the windows but the curtains were drawn and there was no answer, so I had to break the door down.”
“Was she ok?”
“No, she had fallen and was on the floor in her night gown. She had been there for 2 days, she was pretty out of it, clearly dehydrated and in pain. The 122 came out and took her to hospital. She wasn’t in a good way.”
“Oh no, I’m sorry baby.”
“Yeah” Carlos sighed. “Just hope that she will be ok.”
“What else happened?”
“There was another welfare check from a woman who was worried about her daughter. She hadn’t seen her for a week, and she wouldn’t open the door to her. The mom, Margaret knew something was up, she had also seen some bruises on her daughter Janie and said that Janie’s boyfriend was keeping her distant from everyone and she wasn’t sure if she was safe. That one was really hard; we got there, and Margaret was stood outside, and Janie still wouldn’t let her in. She did let us in, she was just so scared but kept denying anything was wrong, it was so obvious though; her arms were covered in bruises. Mitchell tried to talk to her on her own, but that didn’t help, she just wouldn’t press charges, wouldn’t let us help her.”
“There’s nothing that you can do when that happens.”
“I know” Carlos said, “it doesn’t make it any easier though. I dread to think what she is going through right now.”
TK squeezed Carlos “I hope one day she feels strong enough to ask for the help, but it’s good that you guys went, she knows that the option is there.”
“I hate it when I can’t help, I guess we both do.”
“We sure do.” TK said stretching then settling back down on Carlos’s chest. “I’m so grateful that I get to come home to you.”
“Me too” Carlos smiled.
“We should get some sleep baby; we’ve got to do it all again tomorrow.” TK placed a soft kiss on Carlos’s chest.
“We do.” Carlos said. “Love you”
“Love you.” TK said, relaxing into their cuddle and feeling himself starting to slip off to sleep.